This post will get cynical real quick, but I learned pretty late in life (like in the last 5 years) that you can't be nice to everyone. Like there are certain people who don't respond to kindness well and view it as weakness and you HAVE to interact with them and aggressiveness to get them to act right.

I didn't see this much in my personal life but it something I've had to learn in professional settings.

I am thinking about it now because my boys live in a pretty kind world and dealing with the type of person I am talking about it is pretty foreign to them. I've been wondering when they are going to learn this lesson.

What you got?

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

in dating, friendships, jobs. everything
you dont have to be involved in everything
and you dont always have to win. not participating in some bullshit is not an L.

9/10 you aint really missing out on shit.

<--- Big Baller World Order

Yup. One of the best things about getting older is saying "nah im good"

---------------------------------------

"The world is before you and you need not take it or leave it as it was when you came in." - James Baldwin

Learn to delegate more

---------------------------------------------------------------

If you can't understand it without an explanation

you can't understand it with an explanation

or at least more than i realized. last few months I've been amazed at the support I've gotten through some personal shit. even folks I dont keep in contact w/ as frequently.

<--- Big Baller World Order

I asked for an intern to do shit I dont want to do

and I’m getting one..

but there is still a part of me that feels “threatened” by having someone else do stuff I’m not interested in or good at..

but this is new so I’m trying to tell myself to embrace it and stop feeling some type of way

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

First of all your original post is spot on. I've also learned that in my professional life and it's made me think twice about some of the standard advice we give kids.

For me, especially in this past year, it's been learning about how our brains are wired to think life is fair. It's just built into our subconscious thought process likely through thousands of years of evolution because it's important for human survival for us to believe that life is "fair" and that we have an equal chance.

I see it all the time with the pandemic - you hear about someone who died unexpectedly , and immediately the question is "was it Covid?" followed up by "did they have any underlying conditions?", and it's because the person hearing the news instantly needs to justify why an unexpected death was "fair"...like "oh they were overweight" or "oh they had diabetes" or whatever.

That's made me more aware of this justification in non-covid related cases...you hear about someone who committed suicide, and people will post things like "check in on your friends/family" and yes it's good to check in on people, but the reason someone committed suicide likely isn't because "no one checked in on them". I have a 12 year old son who is on the autism spectrum and is dealing with depression and anxiety, and has had moments of suicidal ideation. He is in a VERY loving home, has a support network of being close to both sets of grandparents and other family and friends, is in multiple types of therapy, etc...but like one of his therapists told us - anxiety doesn't care about facts. When he's going through it he isn't being logical about all the people who "check in" on him or all the family who constantly show him love. But our human minds try to balance out things to justify it when we hear bad news.

This shows up as part of white privilege as well. When certain people hear about a black person being killed by police and they ask questions like "was he resisting arrest?" or "was he on drugs?" part of that is them believing life is fair and there's no way a cop would unjustifiably kill someone, because that wouldn't be fair. Same thing when they hear about institutional racism and start talking about bootstraps. Yes a good deal of that is consciously racist and disingenuous so I'm not making excuses for that stuff at ALL, but part of it is them subconsciously having a default belief of life being fair, and that the good things in their own lives were fully earned by them on a level playing field.

I think about whether life is fair all the time especially having kids.

I look at someone like Trump and his kids. Its so clear that he has taught his kids life isn't fair so make sure you get everything you can out of everyone you deal with and F them if they get in your way. And it hurts to see that you can actually be very successful living that way because you know Trumps dad raised him to think the same thing. If life were fair it will catch up to him some day. But I am doubtful it will. The Christianity in me, which hard wired me to think life is fair, has also hard wired me to want to see him punished for his terribleness (which frankly doesn't feel very Christian like and shows you how Christians can be so hateful). Again, a lot to chew on.

The challenge I face is trying to prepare my kids to not really expect that life is fair AND say despite that it is their duty to be good people and treat people well. I go back to that quote from the end of Seven, "'The world is a fine place, and worth fighting for' … I agree with the second part.""

Anyway, the second part about White Privilege I find myself doing that for crime in general. Any time I read a horrific crime story (which is often) I always try to think of a way to make sure it doesn't happen to me and mine. Did that drunk driver kills those people because they were all out at 3AM in the morning. Was that person shot involved with crime? etc. Its a wrong way to look at that sort of thing but its instinctive because the truth is scarier, some times bad shit happens to good people for no reason.

Again, a lot to chew on.



**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

a LOT that I still haven't fully processed. As a lifelong Christian, raising my family as Christians and teaching my kids, there are a ton of issues that I can reconcile in my own mind in terms of what is literal and what isn't, but when explaining that to kids that reconciliation is VERY tough to explain the various nuances.

The one thing I'll say though about Christianity and fairness is that the Bible is pretty clear that life on this Earth isn't fair - just look at all of the suffering that the early Christ followers went through, and don't even get me started on the Old Testament. But I think that with the Bible you have to look at what is "fair" and "just" on the eternal scale and not just what is within our lifetimes on Earth.

lost my mom in a car accident while she was on her lunch break in the passenger side with her coworker by an asshole who already had his license revoked.

There is no way you can avoid being a casualty in a car accident.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

i don't see it as a fairness as much as just a self preservation / piece of mind thing.

that said, I can only speak for myself, because especially early on in the pandemic whenever I would see someone close to my age die of covid, i would immediately want to know if they had some sort of condition, to the point that i would scroll the article looking for it, and usually they did and it would make me feel a bit more at ease that I'm not gonna die, but at the same time, I'm around a lot of immune compromised people, and it made me more concerened for them. at no point did i think it was more fair for someone overweight, etc.. to drop but i guess you're right that people do that.

but overall, i still have that core wiring in my brain that people who do shitty things will get theirs, good things come to good people, even though the world says otherwise, and we can be selective in how we look at the world as proof when someone gets their comeuppance, but then you see something happen to a loved one, or you see Chadwick Boseman die in his mid 40s and i immediately think about all the shitty old, powerful people out there doing damage, or even some 55 year old capital stormer, like why does this asshole get to still exist? It's because life obviously isn't fair but somehow it doesn't register.

>i don't see it as a fairness as much as just a self
>preservation / piece of mind thing.

The "wired to believe things are fair" thing I'm talking about is subconscious. With Covid, ESPECIALLY in the early days of it we had both that subconscious wiring (which is absolutely based around instinct for self-preservation) and the literal questioning we had to want to understand what conditions were more at risk. But that subconscious wiring still plays into it. It's not that we are consciously literally thinking "oh, they were overweight so that's fair" or "oh they worked in a hospital so that's fair". But there's still an instinct for our brains to balance out something that doesn't seem fair to us on the surface - even when we factually know that it isn't "fair".

______________________________________

Navem nu, cuando sol
Tutu nu, vondo nos nu
Vita em, no continous non
Nos nu ekta nos sepe ta, amen

When the sun shades the ship
We sweat and life is not safe
To swim or to touch not
When we unite we hedge amen

not where you want them to be

This is something my wife and I are learning. Talking about friends, family and acquaintances and how upsetting it can be with the way they operate.. just had to realize we can’t change the way some people view the world.

We want them to see things are way and I’m sure they feel the same way about us..

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

I don't think people can actually change

We evolve, through life experience and education

But, IMO, so much of who we are is contingent upon the context which we enter the world

...and then grow...

You can't change that.

---------------------------------------------------------------

If you can't understand it without an explanation

you can't understand it with an explanation

If you understand who they are and the nature of your relationship, then they can't let you down.

That's just my drinking and talking shit buddy. If I look for him in a time and need and ask more of them, I am going to be disappointed.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

how mad can I be when they act...

like they always acted their whole lives.

Its still annoying but I can’t take the time to try and convince them to change or try to be a little better.

You want to live in the hood and complain because you dont have a car when their is a bus line that runs every few minutes to a real ass city with more opportunities.. well okay.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

If someone was on some bullshit…no matter how small…I used to feel like I HAD to let them know, that I knew, that they was o n some bullshit. I could not accept the idea of someone possibly thinking they got over. Family, friends…didn’t matter. I was going to call, text or pull-up…to let you know that I knew what you did. Shit cost me a lot of unnecessary, internal strife and messed up a couple of relationships.

...I'm from the era when A.I. was the answer, now they think ai is the answer - Marlon Craft

Review them etc


Like Questlove said in his Creative Quest book on how computers and phones store up the info people used to draw on from their own brain, the notebooks record insights a person doesn't have to rely on memory to stay in contact with. Freed up the mind to build more and more.

Of course type up the notebook info to save in a computer regularly.

They did a song that wouldn't hit their core audiences in the gut for another 20 years.

Like what young rappers would even think to rhyme about growing old??!?


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

saying autumn lol)

"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

and I find a lot their songs hit like that.


@silentintellect

that insightful in the 90's and 3000 is only 1 year older than me....


"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

@silentintellect

just absolute brilliance that i didn't feel until 20 plus years later

whatever that move is...

planning, thinking, planning, thinking.. too much of it just prevents you from making that move..

a lot of it is fear.. or thinking that I need that extra ingredient to get started on the move..


just move and figure it out along the way..


BTW, All the lessons mentioned so far are dead on..


@silentintellect

for me it did

<--- Big Baller World Order

@silentintellect

that right now and its costing me kinda big. A nigga worst enemy is fear (c) mobb deep

especially because i knew at the time i should've did it but the uncertainty of the otherside was worse than the status quo

<--- Big Baller World Order

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

.

...I'm from the era when A.I. was the answer, now they think ai is the answer - Marlon Craft

Would add, cutting peop,e out of your life who get in the way of those goals.

"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

As simple as it sounds, your outlook, opinion, and mindset heavily influences how you process and take in reality.

Unfortunately, that isn't always a good thing.

"Sean sparks like John Starks, nah, Sean ball like John Wall" - Rest In Power Forever Sean Price.

ive always been one to sugar coat shit and beat around the bush...no time for that. this is what it is, this is what we doin. or not.

Doesn't necessarily make your life easier, but can save you a gang of time.



**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

better to just say what the fuck you need than sugar coat everything and be the agreeable guy


this also may just be specific to certain personality types

and ones delivery can be pleasant but saying what u mean and meaning what u say benefits everyone even those that disagree with your stance

>better to just say what the fuck you need than sugar coat
>everything and be the agreeable guy
>
>
>this also may just be specific to certain personality types

Good or bad.

They making assumptions and judgments and conclusions abt you and don't know you. It's based on all their previous interactions with who knows how many people

As such...you got to do you and let people feel how they feel

on sabbatical.

does it really matter?

wonder what bin's doing?
http://i.imgur.com/phECCMp.jpg

it's a lesson I'm still learning.

essentially, I realized that I've felt like shit about myself since the 2nd grade. I was a D student but smart so I thought something about me was wrong and could not change. I've managed to create a life that is far from what would be expected of me, but even still, after all my sucesses, I still feel like something about me is wrong/broken at a core level and it just is.


I just recently learned that successful people think about winning/sucess differently.

If I lose or fail or fall, I will ruminate and think the loss has everything to do with who I am and that the loss is a permanent statement about who I am, and what I am. There is no second chance to go back and try again because who I am is reflected in this loss. My game is chasing winning to prove that I am worthy, or smart. There is no moment of "try again, but this time, focus on this"

If a top performer like say, Michael Jordan loses, he doesn't go inward and think the very essence of his entire being is why he lost. He instead accepts the loss, analyzes what went wrong, and immediately hatches a plan of action to shore up areas of weakness. He wants to win badly, but his driver is optimization, improvement, being the best.

Growth mind. It's everything.

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

being mean and evil requires to much energy.

they make it seem effortless

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

MONEY? What the fuck is money?

The only thing that matters are the relationships we all have and the stories we tell each other, that is, our history, our myths, our reasons for being or doing.

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

not having boundaries is a dangerous way to go about living.

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

this is also something new for me

I've had a rough couple of years and had life shit affect work shit

and instead of saying "I got too much on my plate right now...I'm barely fucking hanging on here" I made the error of just carrying it all and not saying anything to anyone. Not my boss, not my wife, not my friends.


Now, I'm trying to create a new pattern where I'm willing to be honest about where I am. I told my boss I was just not feeling OK beause a good friend went missing for a few weeks and his wife called me out of the blue to ask for help. Were this a year ago, I would have just not said anyting and been fucking up the work.

I had the impression that being open is how people take advantage of you...which is true, but the pendulum was so far on the other side, I was bursting at the seams because I was trying to hold it all in and do it alone.

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

it’s the path im currently on.

I had a death in the family late last week out of the blue and a scary health situation come up w/my wife this week that required an ambulance ride and ER visit. Work was doing normal work stuff, and I was getting angry about it. Instead of heading down that road of getting angry and frustrated (over some normal shit that i would normally jump on), I just sent an email to my bosses and let them know - hey y'all, this what I been dealing with. They didn't know, so it was unfair of me to be annoyed. We're all remote so they couldn't even see I wasn't good. I let them know and they were all like 'totally, get it. thanks for the heads up and take some time if you need'.

when i was younger i def would have just tried to power through it, and ended up making a dumb situation dumber.

What I'm trying to say is 'thanks for sharing. it was helpful. bless.'

In a generation of swine, the one-eyed pig is king.
-Hunter S. Thompson

is not the move.

I've seen it over generations in my fam. a lot of it comes from fear of the unknown and being comfy with what you have, even when what you have is pretty terrible.

of course there are other things that go into it like each person's personality, risk aversion, ability to get out your cacoon, etc. but the level of fear that gets passed down is crazy.

in my home, of course the adults have our own things to battle with overcoming somethings. I wanted something different for my children. be as free as you can. don't necessarily follow the path your parents took. use fear as a motivator, not as a hurdle.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

>is not the move.
>
>I've seen it over generations in my fam. a lot of it comes
>from fear of the unknown and being comfy with what you have,
>even when what you have is pretty terrible.
>
>of course there are other things that go into it like each
>person's personality, risk aversion, ability to get out your
>cacoon, etc. but the level of fear that gets passed down is
>crazy.
>
>in my home, of course the adults have our own things to battle
>with overcoming somethings. I wanted something different for
>my children. be as free as you can. don't necessarily follow
>the path your parents took. use fear as a motivator, not as a
>hurdle.

Looka here. This is real talk to the max. And I struggle with this. I grew up with just enough death around me that it is a big thing for me to not want to take anything resembling a risk when I can avoid it. Meanwhile, my wife doesn’t have this issue at all so she’ll bungee jump and all of that without thinking about it.

Bullshit is GOING to happen in life, don't go out of your ways to create enemies

R.I.P. Loud But Wrong Guy
Dec 29th 2009 - Dec 17th 2017

---

But hell, what do I know?

prototype

stand ur ground, believe in urself,
believe in love, prepare urself for love, remove the negativity from ur life, and accept the love u kno u deserve

Change starts at home
I was a busy body. I was in every group, club, community meeting, activist org and I actually got nothing done. Since focusing on my family, home, health, finances, work, spirituality and love life, everything has fallen into place.

Less is more
Less stuff means less to think about. Less people, means more meaningful relationships, less food means a healthier body. Less work means less stress. Even less money means I have to be mindful of what I spend money on. Nothing wrong with a simple life.

Endurance over Speed
Speed is necessary and works well for the young and agile. But life is an endurance game. Maintaining through inevitable ups and downs will win over firecracker success any day.

Sustain Your Body
I was fit, then fat, then thick and now I am just me. I am not trying to drastically alter my body in any way. I notice that the body truly is a machine. Just keep that sucker running, put healthy fluids in it. Keep fresh oil in your tank. Don't let people in and out of your body (sexually and mentally). The body is very important for overall happiness. It should be our main priority in staying healthy.

You get the love you give
Often I realize that romance, relationships, friends and families are just mirrors. Once I started giving love, I recieved the same back. It may not look the same, but people did give back to me. When I was stingy or tit-for-tat with love, that is what people gave back. All my romantic problems have been solved by giving and receiving equally.

Rise & Shine
Thrive & Grind
Heart & Mind

especially the part about giving love and receiving it.

There were times I was stingy with my love or didn’t communicate what I wanted while demanding they “prove their love”

that doesn’t work.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

To like that occupying 40% of my mental space. Not to get to peak state, but just to maintain health. Its work but also the most important work.



**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

on sabbatical.

does it really matter?

wonder what bin's doing?
http://i.imgur.com/phECCMp.jpg

Today (5/30) is my birthday and I have been laying in bed watching tv ALL day. I am far less upset about this than I thought I would be. I thought about something I could be doing a little while ago and then all in a second the thoughts of getting dressed, doing my hair, interacting with people, and the heat outside came to mind and I was like "Nah, I'll pass."

♥ Inescapably Me ♥

"Love is never any better than the lover" Toni Morrison (The Bluest Eye)

“So back we go to these questions — friendship, character… ethics.”

people ask me whats going on in my city and honestly.. I dont really know.

I used to always be where the action is or had FOMO but now that I have a family priorities have changed.

also, this will sound strange but I don’t really follow local news like that. So maybe I’m being blind in some ways but the whole “omg, its so bad in the city, have you seen the news”

nah, I haven’t, so I don’t view my city as some death trap.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

from other cities are always filled with fear and disgust at the idea that I live here. They have never lived here and never visit me, but somehow see this city as a death trap. A wholly undesirable place to live.

Ferguson happened a year and a half after I moved here. I wonder if had live here before Ferguson if that would still be the case.

Now I am not saying I want to live here for the rest of my life, but I could do worse. My rent on a two bedroom townhouse, with a garage, IN THE CITY LIMITS is still less than the one bedroom apartment I was renting in Inglewood after college.

And I make less money than I COULD in LA, but double what I actually was making in those first 5 years in the workforce. And even if I was making this same salary, in LA I would not have the same standard of living (see paragraph above about rent).

Even my people in KC act like there is something to be afraid of if they come visit me here. Like I am inviting them to spent the weekend in Aleppo. If they ever came to my neighborhood they would see that I live a diverse, serene and safe community - in the city limits. My work, the stores and restaurants I frequent, do not even take me to "rough areas." I would have to go out of my way to experience what they think STL is ... whatever that may be.

♥ Inescapably Me ♥

"Love is never any better than the lover" Toni Morrison (The Bluest Eye)

and sure, the violence is certain areas is horrible but they act like as soon as you touch Chicago you are ducking from bullets.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

i haven't watched local evening news in like 20 years or more.

Neither does my wife and im happy she doesn't.

We get all my news through online national sites and word of mouth.

The only time i get a glimpse is when im visiting my mom to take her trash out and even then she pauses it the whole time im there to talk with me about other things.

i know it has improved my mental health in some way not hearing about daily killings or a house fire that takes out a single mom and her five kids.

My mom used to be annoyed as a kid when i didnt sit down and watch it with her. Saying i need to know whats going on in the news.

God gives me just enough news to keep my blk ass in the know on what I NEED to know about and keeps all the irrelevant, depressing sht out.

Just how i like it.

sincerely had no clue what was going on until I walked into work Monday morning and the break room tv was on CNN. Now, I did know that Mike Brown had been killed the day it happens and that a crowd was forming, but that was because I happen to have the tv on a local channel RIGHT after it happened, but I dint watch any other news that day or the next morning. It was Monday morning and I was at work before I knew the QuickTrip had burned and the looting and such was occurring. More than one person in my life was like "how you don't know what is going on in your own city?" I was like " I live a good 15 miles away from there and my neighborhood was totally quiet last night." But because of that I checkout the local news once a week and glance at the local newspaper's websites a couple times a week. Not sure that will change anything about my awareness of situations like that but... whatever.

I also don't have any social media so when I say I was totally unaware ... I mean it.

♥ Inescapably Me ♥

"Love is never any better than the lover" Toni Morrison (The Bluest Eye)

but I prefer to seek out my news vs the daily ticker of gloom in doom.

most of the news is used to keep us shook anyways.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

now i never liked the rap club scene anyway, but being 30 and seeing my single friends still trying to live scene that is super lame to me. flip is they think im lame for passing on it lol
my boy is a bouncer at a big club here and the stories he tells me? naw i am good on that

catch me at yoga/spin class, a house DJ set or something doing my socializing. i got no problems admitting i am too old for ratchet shit. and the DJ scene around here is surprisingly diverse. im into something a little more cultured at this point for my scene.

<--- Big Baller World Order

in my 20s: the doors of THIS club don't open until 11pm. Lets do this.


life after 35: the movie starts at 10pm? guess I won't be seeing that piece of shit then.


There was a point in my early 30s when I realized there is nothing here for me. I could bring a random ass stranger home but then I'd be thinking "why won't you go the fuck home? NOW?" I could get shit faced, but I can't relate to any of these 24 year old kids.

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

Fair is a myth. An ideal. Nothing is fair.

American society is highly hypocritical. Literally founded on hypocrisy. Expecting truth and justice from this culture is a set up for disaster.

Money isn't everything and it won't make you happy but...it is a tool.

Happiness for women and children.men should aspire to contentment and legacy

in fact, you should probably do the opposite of that unsolicited advice. the person giving you the unsolicited advice obviously has an ulterior motive.

--
Sometimes you have to look reality in the face and say 'No!'
-Ben (Reaper)

If you need any help, don't. Hesitate to ask.

If I mess up at work I will be the FIRST to say "I made a mistake.' And then I will work alone or with people to fix the mistake.

Also if I don't know I'll say 'I don't know.' And then I'll try to figure it out - and ask for help if I need help.

I've found that if you aren't making a TON of unforced mistakes that people will understand.

And that NO ONE knows EVERYTHING.

And that asking for help often results in people helping.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

I have started doing this and also apologizing to people and it has transformed so many work and personal relationships. I also noticed that I make less mistakes because I am aware and accountable of where I fall short.

It is good practice, just requires letting go of the ego.

Rise & Shine
Thrive & Grind
Heart & Mind

The subject uses an outdated perspective of men = hard, women = soft/ men = strong, women = weak

I've come to realize men are emotional as fuck. I've also come to realize most of the men we respect are actually really sensitive people.

Men are abused and harmed A LOT but they/we don't talk about it because of the way we think about men - they can handle it, you can handle it right? Handle it! Handle it and then drop dead at 55 because...what the fuck, no one is supposed to just handle it.

We have an upside-down way of thinking that true manhood is essentially being psychotic in that you do not feel, do not have remorse, do not see other people as people.

Women are gangster as hell. they are strong and tough but we gloss over that. Women handle so much shit but it's done in invisible silence.

I'm feeling, men and women are not polar opposites, instead, we're complimentary points in a gamut. we contain a shared set of characteristics and we're not so different that it's like being from different planets. Men and women ARE definitely different, but not the way it's portrayed or widely accepted.

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

All through my 20's-30's, most men in my life had the upper hand in dating, physicality, in some cases money and confidence. Men in their 40's-50's are much more humbled, patient, and self reflective.

But I notice that I had to learn to nurture this level of mature masculinity. Men were telling me they were disappointed in their career, hurt over a kid situation, embarrassed about finances or even not feeling as sexual without a deeper connection. I was shocked to hear men share these feelings. I wasn't prepared to give them support. I had to learn that men are not always in combat and conquer mode.

Women have SOO many support networks. I notice men don't. Sports is just an opiate. Money is a band aid that sometimes gives men the resources to heal but many men need more masculine emotional support on their own terms.

Rise & Shine
Thrive & Grind
Heart & Mind

>
>Women have SOO many support networks. I notice men don't.
>Sports is just an opiate. Money is a band aid that sometimes
>gives men the resources to heal but many men need more
>masculine emotional support on their own terms.

IMO this is how you get men turning into MRAs, MGOTWs and other weird incel/alt-right shit. so many dudes are out here SOLO and struggling. shouting into the void of their own minds w/ no rebuttal or wall to bounce ideas off of. and dont have the money to get the resources to heal. eventually those guys all find each other or find someone peddling the rhetoric that makes them feel included.

i remember my buddy's sister-in-law telling me one time like "god if i didnt know you all fucked women i'd think you and your boys are gay. yall are friends and talk about your problems like women do" and I didn't know whether to take that as her insulting us or admiring what we have.

edit: but i did find it interesting that she felt like supportive, tight male networks were not manly

<--- Big Baller World Order

thats the bullshit that lives in all of our minds. it's not helping men OR women.

yes on the MTGOW part

the MRA thing...is complicated. I don't agree with them, but I do think they make a point on men getting the shaft when it comes to divorce and custody

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https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

this was something I spoke on years ago on here during genderwarz

some girls used to be quick to call dudes gay if they weren’t being aggressive on the first date.

“he didn’t try to kiss me, is he gay”

I just met you 45 minutes ago.. wtf.

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

<--- Big Baller World Order

40 is actually young, to me, to still have that level of thinking about men.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

Yeah, only men can help other men. Women can't really offer much. I have learned just to listen and offer concrete support when my male friends are going through something.

Other than that, not sure what else I can do to help.

Rise & Shine
Thrive & Grind
Heart & Mind

>Yeah, only men can help other men.

Women can't really offer
>much. I have learned just to listen and offer concrete support
>when my male friends are going through something.
>
>Other than that, not sure what else I can do to help.


I disagree with this. this further puts space between men and women. as we grow, it doesn't have to be about being self-sufficent man. it's about being a whole human that happens to be a man.

woman have completely shape my life and any number of other men, who have grown up to great guys. life lessons come from everywhere. I think if we listened to women more, we'd be better in a lot places as men.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

I hope you men ignored her. Attitudes like hers also contribute to the problem because most men still want to be seen favorably and receive compliments from women.

Regardless, good for your crew for supporting each other. That has nothing to do with sexual gratification from the same or opposite sex.

I just notice men over 40 struggle more with the mental/emotional health aspects of life. The happy men are usually rooted in a religion, strong organization, his work/ business or his family. But men who are aimless are usually unhappy unless they go full hippie, monk or bohemian mode.

Men need a purpose beyond women, sex, sports and money.

Rise & Shine
Thrive & Grind
Heart & Mind

I was specifically thinking about the childfree lifestyle and it hit me; women are way more capable and able to live a life without children than men are (speaking in general, non specific averages)

I really do believe that women are able to step into that "auntie" role and go with it. Trips alone getting the passport stamped up, visiting friends with families and being a part of the clan, regularly maintained strong connections with friends.

Men however...not a good look there potentially. I think a man would have to work to have a sustainable existence alone to avoid long periods of isolation.


Again, I'm speaking in very general terms. Exceptions exist.


You know, they've actually studied the way relationships change shape in the lives of boys and men. I think its up to the 6th grade where boys have incredibly DEEP relationships with their friends, but once they hit puberty they distance themselves even though they feel deep longing or anguish for abandoned relationships.

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https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

>You know, they've actually studied the way relationships
>change shape in the lives of boys and men. I think its up to
>the 6th grade where boys have incredibly DEEP relationships
>with their friends, but once they hit puberty they distance
>themselves even though they feel deep longing or anguish for
>abandoned relationships.

I have a seventh grader and a first grader. My seventh grader is high functioning ASD, and with that he is socially awkward but not introverted at all - he CRAVES social interaction and relationships with peers.

I saw first hand how tough it was for him to go from 5th grade to 6th grade - the deep friendships he had in elementary got strained immediately once they got to middle school. They were around more kids that came from the other feeder elementary schools, they hit puberty and started wanting to impress girls and such, and then on top of that instead of being with one group of 25 kids all day they were going to different classes so there wasn't time to really build on their relationships.

My son REALLY struggled with that in 6th grade, and I saw how hurt he was...then the pandemic hits and school is virtual...not now as he's wrapping up his 7th grade year, about to be 13 in a couple weeks, my son has hardened himself. It started with him wanting to impress his friends and pretending like he wasn't interested in the stuff they all used to be into like Pokemon or whatever, but became a self-fufilling profecy of sorts in him actually not being interested in some of those things, and not even wanting to play with his younger brother at home as much. Yes part of that is actual maturation as he's becoming a teenager, and I'm sure girls go through something similar - but I can't help to think that society's view of masculinity and the stupid definitions of what men should and shouldn't do are also at play. As a parent it's a tough transition to see.

Men are self isolating creatures and its fucking insanely stupid that we do it.

I've been telling friends, "you matter", "I care about you", "I love you bro" full stop

I missed out on life because I thought keeping it close to the vest was how it was done.

Meanwhile, the people who build empires are the folks who have a tight crew behind them.

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https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me