Asking cos I’m not married and have rarely been in a relationship more than 2, maybe 3 years. Even so I wonder how all that holds up after 5+ years, are you able to get it poppin like you used to or does it become more of a.... Routine thing? I dunno if its a peaks and valleys thing or if some couples manage to have a fire sex life for 30+ years and beyond

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i will not let finite disappointment undermine infinite hope
- Cory Booker

Football is a simple game; 22 men chase a ball for 90 minutes, and at the end the Germans always win
- Gary Lineker

there's no schedule. life will help decide frequency. along with health, kids, time, want.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

Even more major is what happens during non-sex time. That's where the good tension is created.

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

Always think it’s hilarious when marriage and sex come up. I mean.. are people who aren’t married having a lot more sex or are they just projecting?

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

In my experience it is. But I'm positive it depends too. Maybe the level of love / attraction plays a huge part (understandably / obviously if so), but being single vs. being with the same partner for years and years... Its obvious its a different energy. But in some cases I'm sure it even deepens, and thats dope

and go on cruise control

but I think that happens with any relationship. It’s exciting in the beginning but once you’ve been around each other for a while... it can happen before you know it.

Really, I think it comes down to communication. A lot of times people don’t communicate what they like and don’t like or knew things they want to try.

age is really the biggest hurdle. The older you get the less likely you are to get it in as much because you have more shit to do on a daily basis.

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

I find it definitely gets better with one partner who wants both to enjoy sex. I find that he sometimes gets lazier and expects me to please him more and I have to set up "the talk". That is probably the biggest turn off.

Even when I was dating and having casual sex, I ended up with men who wanted me to come to their house, be sexy, give them head and all for about 30 minutes of dicking. That's when I decided on one guy who was at last half way invested in my pleasure. But even with him, I have to remind him when I feel like the balance is off. Note, I am dating men over 40 who have MUCH less stamina.

I think men in hetereo relationships are unaware of how self serving they can be. I used to just dump them and move on. But when I found that most of the men are like this, I learned to speak up more. I just thought men would want to please me in the bedroom. That is not the case.

Rise & Shine
Thrive & Grind
Heart & Mind

need in the bedroom. they think they do...lots of guys think the harder the better or other generalizations by default but beyond that they are lost lol. and unfortunately sex/lovemaking is one of those things where u kinda got it or u dont. sure enough people can learn or be taught, but they have to have the capacity to really pick up on the lesson and they have to want to be invested. couple a challenged lover with laziness and its all bad. as a guy who goes the extra mile there is nothing that turns me off more than a lazy woman in the bedroom so i feel u. ive always taken pride in knowing that my woman is satisfied plus i aint never been down with BDRs too tuff lol.

>I find it definitely gets better with one partner who wants
>both to enjoy sex. I find that he sometimes gets lazier and
>expects me to please him more and I have to set up "the talk".
>That is probably the biggest turn off.
>
>Even when I was dating and having casual sex, I ended up with
>men who wanted me to come to their house, be sexy, give them
>head and all for about 30 minutes of dicking. That's when I
>decided on one guy who was at last half way invested in my
>pleasure. But even with him, I have to remind him when I feel
>like the balance is off. Note, I am dating men over 40 who
>have MUCH less stamina.
>
>I think men in hetereo relationships are unaware of how self
>serving they can be. I used to just dump them and move on. But
>when I found that most of the men are like this, I learned to
>speak up more. I just thought men would want to please me in
>the bedroom. That is not the case.

I shouldn't just blame the men. Though, I have had over 40 partners. I am not proud to admit but I have sex with so many men, never a woman.

I can say 10 of the 40 were amazing, even if it was a casual no strings attached thing. A man's love for me had no bearing on his sexual compatibility or my sexual pleasure. I found this to be a huge disappointment in my romantic life. I had amazing partners who were incompatible in bed.

Like I said, it feels wonderful to finally have consistently good sex with a normal person. I don't believe there is a formula. It is more of an energy. I have no desire to be with another man for the first time in years because sex between us is very connected and consistent. It matters to me for long term love.

Rise & Shine
Thrive & Grind
Heart & Mind

it just is what it is and IMO it is the single most important thing when it comes to intimacy. and it has absolutely nothing to do with the length or seriousness of the relationship. good chemistry leads to magic.


>I can say 10 of the 40 were amazing, even if it was a casual
>no strings attached thing. A man's love for me had no bearing
>on his sexual compatibility or my sexual pleasure. I found
>this to be a huge disappointment in my romantic life. I had
>amazing partners who were incompatible in bed.

I don't believe there is a formula. It is more of an energy.

has a more negative effect on women's sexual desire/drive than on men's.

https://www.newsweek.com/moving-boyfriend-kill-sex-drive-study-665071

Anecdotally, I don't know any man my age (late 40s) who has as much sex with his wife as he'd like. Some of that may be bluster, but it's definitely easy as a week goes by, or two or three or sometimes more, to get to feeling like 'we never have sex any more!' and making it a problem.

A few years ago I was definitely feeling that way, so I started actually keeping track of our sex life by noting it in my phone. Turns out it wasn't as bad as I thought (even though still not as often as I'd prefer).

-------
so I'm in a band now:
album ---> http://greenwoodburns.bandcamp.com/releases
Soundcloud ---> http://soundcloud.com/greenwood-burns

my own stuff -->http://soundcloud.com/lonesomedstringband

avy by buckshot_defunct

I anecdotally ask my women friends married and single, and most say they have to do all the work in gearing up the man for romance. It gets exhausting, disappointing and ultimately they all lose interest. Women need more than a hard dick to get ready.

I like sex a lot so I find the sexy soundtracks, outfits, dirty talk and fantasies for my partner. But he gives m lots of pleasure. I know that for many men I have met, no matter how attractive, successful or smart, if they are lazy in the bedroom, I am just completely turned off. I can't imagine being married to someone like this. I can see why women turn off. It is so much work on our part.

Maybe non hetereo couples can speak to something different.

Rise & Shine
Thrive & Grind
Heart & Mind

Women are moving targets too

You want it sexy, rough, slow, verbally.. but at different times and men are supposed to just know exactly which way you want it because... why not?

I’m generalizing of course.. but y’all know who we are and how we operate when you start having sex with us. Speak up, let a nigga know what’s good. Don’t tell your friends.. tell your mate.

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

If men were so into the physical, then every woman would be squirting, WAP-ing and screaming about multiple orgasms.

Most men get familiar and forget about women's pleasure, even in long term, loving relationships. I agree, women need to speak up.

Any tips on speaking up without offending a man's ego?

Rise & Shine
Thrive & Grind
Heart & Mind

That’s what I mean by a moving target.

I think sitting a man down before or after sex is a bad idea.. lol.

Either have that convo on a random day or hell.. I enjoy being talked to while we are engaged. I don’t want to be bosses around but if I’m in the right spot, lemme know, if it’s too fast or slow... let me know.

I think most men are ok with verbal commands but if it comes with attitude it can make a dude feel some type of way.

The worst tho is after it’s over and hearing they wished you would’ve done less of this or more of that. Happened once in college and I appreciated the info but at the same time I felt bad cause I would’ve done what you needed if you spoke on it. Don’t assume I wouldn’t listen or care and then go back and tell your GF’s what you should’ve said to me unless you want your GF’s to break you off.

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

I am shocked that men are cool with such bland sex. Women have G spots, A spots, clitoral orgasms, oral orgasms, nipple orgasms. So much to explore.

I have sworn off bad sex after the age of 35. I tolerated men who were happy with 7-11, convenient sex.

I realize that men need more coaching than I am willing to offer. I am happy I have finally found someone who makes me happy sexually and emotionally. I don't want to lose him so I am open to all suggestions to keep our relationship on the right track.

Rise & Shine
Thrive & Grind
Heart & Mind

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

Unscientifically, I think we can generalize that most men are easily engaged in sex and come relatively easily compared to most women. They generally don't require much work in order to climax.

There are women who are easy to please. God bless them. They are wonderful, even when they'r'e lazy, because they make us feel like super studs.
But there are also all kinds of other women, ranging from women who don't really know what pleases them to women who have no idea if they're even capable of having an orgasm to women who only come with one specific position or who require a certain amount of time or a certain type of foreplay.
And on top of that, every couple fits together differently. I don't consider myself a casanova but I had one lover who had never been able to come during intercourse... something about the way we fit together was different though. I've probably had the opposite extreme for a partner too.

>I anecdotally ask my women friends married and single, and
>most say they have to do all the work in gearing up the man
>for romance.

For every one of your woman friends who feels that way I know a guy who cooks a steak dinner, compliments her, does the dishes, puts the kids to bed and then rubs her feet while sitting through some romcom or network true crime show, only to have her fall asleep on the couch. I'm one of them.

Despite that, we work OK together sexually because the pattern works and we understand the way her body works. It's not as frequent as I would really prefer, but if we had sex every day, maybe even every week, she wouldn't come 90% of the time, no matter how much I put into it, and sex is much much much better when we both come.

Regarding your comment about how older men have much less stamina, I think that's not necessarily true. The older we get, the finer the line gets between being overly sensitive (ie when we haven't had sex in three weeks) and not ready to perform well... so figuring out

-when to relieve our own tension in order not to come too fast when the opportunity for sex arises
-but not to relieve our own tension in too close proximity to when the opportunity arises, so we can still perform for her and come ourselves

can be an important part of figuring out how your mature relationship can work successfully.

-------
so I'm in a band now:
album ---> http://greenwoodburns.bandcamp.com/releases
Soundcloud ---> http://soundcloud.com/greenwood-burns

my own stuff -->http://soundcloud.com/lonesomedstringband

avy by buckshot_defunct

...to *not* let it happen.

Synchronized breathing, presence, ejaculation control, alla that

Like for real for real?

Maybe thats something too, it just seems like the dedication is never really there for more than a week or so lol

slow love is cool tho

but we aren’t trying to have 3 hours of sex at our age. We got shit to do.

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

I think at least one a month, a couple should have slow, loving connected, tantric sex.

Fast, quick mindless humping can wear down on a woman's sense of value. I recognize men can hump a tree and feel good.

I dated a bunch of guys who wanted a quick nut. Then I found a man who was slow, patient and set aside time for our sex life. We have amazing sex and we both acknowledge that patient, sex weekends work best for us. We arrange child care and have fun. Grown folk sex, I guess!

Rise & Shine
Thrive & Grind
Heart & Mind

My wife teaches from home and watches 2 kids under 5. I’ll do whatever she wants in the bedroom.

Stop projecting your frustration with your dudes onto me.

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

You act like sex with her is an additional task to add on to her already overwhelmed schedule.

Men, you never cease to amaze me with how self absorbed you are as a species. You didn't say that "WE" are raising and teaching two kids. She should enter your bedroom with the expectation that her husband knows her well enough to give her all the pleasure in the world, not offer her another task.


Spoil your woman. Learn your woman. Please your woman.

Neva mind!

Rise & Shine
Thrive & Grind
Heart & Mind

We are good over here.

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

my wife trying to get her nut too and go to bed happy.

ain't no one trying to be up all night until they can inhale each other's chakras.

every couple has their own kind of connection.

I know many divorced men who assumed all was good at home and in the bedroom.

I talk to married woman. No I am not married. But so many of my married female friends complain about their husbands lack of sensuality in the bedroom.

I am just saying give your woman a little space to feel cared for, loved down and slow down. Nothing wrong with a husband setting up a romantic weekend once in a while.

Rise & Shine
Thrive & Grind
Heart & Mind

she's extremely practical.

like i said, every couple is different. shit, every woman and man are different.

knows how to put it down in the bedroom.

Not implying anything..

but when married friends get together they tend to dogpile a bit and who wants to be that one friend who says “our relationship and sex life is awesome”

Oh really? Go on.. tell me more.

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

but i feel like most grown people hit an age/maturity/whatever where you don't tell your friends about your sex life and they don't ask.

i'm not saying you couldn't go to a close friend for advice or something if there were issues, but to just sit around in a circle and cackle about who's slangin' the D or who got that wet wet just seems like some wild young shit. i mean, i did that shit when i was young so i'm not judging, just saying. i couldn't picture myself NOW talking to a group of homies about how i fuck my wife.

that's just me though.

or lack there of...

but yeah... maybe it’s something women still do. Most dudes aren’t talking about what their wives do in bed.

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

Maybe at any age. They always seem like they get a little cozy.

Remember one years ago that used to hang out at the crib, I came downstairs and said "hey, beautiful..." and both her and my lady turned around and said "huh?" I wasn't even doing nothing.

“Don’t ever tell your women friends how good your husband is in the bedroom”

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

I've implemented it a few times. Its hard to consistently find partners that are into it but its def on the menu

"They used to call me Baby Luke....but now? The whole damn 2 Liiiive Crew."

but, yes, we still smash.