and neglected by her father.

This is an alarming read, and really unveils the trauma that both Selah and her mother
were going through. Lauryn was dealing with a traumatizing relationship, and in turn she took that trauma out on her daughter, which led to her daughter being traumatized and abused.

https://madamenoire.com/1182230/selah-marley-reveals-how-she-is-traumatized-over-her-childhood/

And thinking she's a little "off" or "not okay" but my mind didn't fast-track to abuse but it makes sense now. It sucks that it's trickled down into her romantic relationship. Nobody really deserves to bat clean-up to fix somebody's parents' fuckshit.

Lauryn's rebuttal/input is out there as well, I just hadn't taken time to look into it.

____________
Twitter & IG: @rulerofmyself
SC: rulerofmyself17

Yes! She's on the drugs. (c) BoHagon

The reason I say that is because part of what we do is learned behavior. Identifying learned behavior and residual trauma as a source is a big step.
But without the space to associate and connect learned behavior to trauma there’s no bridge between the two.
So her mother may not define what she did as trauma manifesting
And her daughter is only experiencing and calling it trauma
And they both need a connector to go backwards.

------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

How is it a generation too early?

Trauma is trauma, no matter if it is physical or mental, and no matter at what age it occurs. This is a situation where abuse begets abuse, and for black folks, that descends from the Slaves being abused by slave owners. That experience was carried over with how slaves treated their children, and continued to carry over from generation to generation.

The daughter is no different than any other African American child or young adult, and there are many who have experienced / and are experiencing similar mistreatment. Our culture is quite familiar with that dysfunction, and it just continues to get disregarded and passed down.

I got yelled at and whipped as a child for what was perceived as misbehaving or “acting -up” , and I’m pretty sure there are certain complexions that I have because of it. That was the discipline that was implemented by my parents, because that was the discipline that was implemented on them. And I was INCORRECTLY taught that that was a part of parenting, and to shut up about it, just like my parents were taught. However ,it was just abuse begetting abuse. But the difference is, and what our parents weren’t taught, were the different choices and options with punishing a child, and those options and choices didn’t and don’t have anything to do with physically harming the child.

So, if I ever have children, that abusive form of discipline will not be actualized when it comes to addressing my children. We ( our generation) simply learned a more humane behavior, and refused to acknowledge that “spare the rod, spoil the child nonsense.”

So I agree with you that it is learned behavior.

>I got yelled at and whipped as a child for what was perceived
>as misbehaving or “acting -up” , and I’m pretty sure
>there are certain complexions that I have because of it. That
>was the discipline that was implemented by my parents, because
>that was the discipline that was implemented on them. And I
>was INCORRECTLY taught that that was a part of parenting, and
>to shut up about it, just like my parents were taught.
>However ,it was just abuse begetting abuse. But the difference
>is, and what our parents weren’t taught, were the different
>choices and options with punishing a child, and those options
>and choices didn’t and don’t have anything to do with
>physically harming the child.
>
>So, if I ever have children, that abusive form of discipline
>will not be actualized when it comes to addressing my
>children. We ( our generation) simply learned a more humane
>behavior, and refused to acknowledge that “spare the rod,
>spoil the child nonsense.”



<=========================================
https://cdn0.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/PYzh4v9cSf4FDnq3yMQyqNqh79o=/800x0/filters:no_upscale%28%29/cdn0.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/4079674/jlio.0.gif

And now I'm needing to unlearn it to really grapple with how it's being used.
The generation after me and my kid, they won't have that problem
But anytime I start to read about gender ... I have to bounce what I'm learning off of what I thought I knew and what I think I'm learning, and then return to the start to see if I brought any of my previous biases into that learning. It's a lot
It's involved.
And all because I spent my entire development and adult life with a word meaning one thing and now it means something else.

I liken that to trauma
My generation and the ones before have a very specific use when it comes to the word trauma
I don't think we're all that equipped to quickly associate learned behavior with the word "trauma"

------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

This time out bullshit ain't it.
They may be good kids at heart, but I'm silent at too many houses where the kids don't clean up the house, let alone pick up after themselves. Yeah, I was raised in fear of reprisal, but I see a president that has never had to account for shit and look at us now (yes, it's an extreme example, but are school shooters, who I believe are another example of leaving punishment out of the equation).

I have a 400 year old chip on my shoulder.

I regularly see kids behaving badly, and it's always in no-heroin households.

Donald Trump didn't get heroin as a kid and look at him now.

I got heroin as a kid, and I turned out fine. That's why I'm repeating the cycle!

And don't listen to the supposed "experts", they don't have kids (experts never do) so what do they know?!?!?!

SEE YOU NEXT GENERATION!

___________________
"So this is what everybody's always talking about! Diablo! If only I'd known. The beauty! The beauty!"

If you jump to this extreme in a discussion, maybe YOU can't grasp moderation.

And if you think trump is clean and sober, your grasp of a compete picture isn't as fully formed as you think.

I have a 400 year old chip on my shoulder.

Open hand heroin, if you will.

___________________
"So this is what everybody's always talking about! Diablo! If only I'd known. The beauty! The beauty!"

You can’t beat your kids into cleaning up.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

Don’t know enough about raising them

Donnie you’re out of your depth here

then my daughter looked at me like I broke the social contract and I realized I have to change my approach.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

I'd bet no, because children don't have all the answers because they're children. Life isn't Avatar:TLA, and the world isn't so fucked that we need a child to lead us. Sorry B, not seeing it.

I have a 400 year old chip on my shoulder.

beating your kids doesn't mean you have control over them. might be the opposite.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

i know its easier than researching better alternatives, or accepting perhaps your parents were abusive, but there's countless studies showing the psychological effects of spanking.

"They used to call me Baby Luke....but now? The whole damn 2 Liiiive Crew."

>i know its easier than researching better alternatives, or
>accepting perhaps your parents were abusive, but there's
>countless studies showing the psychological effects of
>spanking.
>
>


<=========================================
https://cdn0.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/PYzh4v9cSf4FDnq3yMQyqNqh79o=/800x0/filters:no_upscale%28%29/cdn0.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/4079674/jlio.0.gif

I realized this after watching friends kids, siblings and the way they want to play games that involve physical confrontation.

If I don't let my kid get some physical aggression out, she starts testing my physical boundaries. She throws things, hits things. She used to hit me.

My super X-tian friend's kids start beating each other up until they hyperventilate. Another friends brothers would go for blows over control of the ipad.

I get the "don't beat" crowd, but kids need to have normal physical expression. Not on a video game. Or else they will exhibit behavior in some other way.

Violence is at an ALL TIME HIGH in schools. Yet parents beat their kids less. The kids are still yearning for aggression no matter what happens at home. We don't let kids bump around enough.

Rise & Shine
Thrive & Grind
Heart & Mind

The so called “they need to release aggression” is just moods based off hormonal growth and change. It’s no different than forcing a child to sit still for a long time, when their hormones, immaturity, and energy will not allow them to do so.

However, it does not mean they need to hit each other upside the head , or hit you.
That should never be allowed. If there are kids that are doing that regularly, then there could be a chemical Imbalance( autism, PD, ADHD) that needs to be addressed. A parent, adult, etc, needs to take control and show they are in charge, and that has nothing to do with exerting aggression or physical abuse.

A lot of black households only have one adult trying to raise and guardian several children. And if there are financial issues, where the parent is not available to properly raise and influence the child, then outside entities and elements will influence the child. And parenting will be harder than normal.

Parents who are consistently involved with their children’s lives , their children are well mannered and do don’t do terrible things.

I don't know where people got the idea that hitting another person is bad. Unwanted hitting is bad. I have witnessed normal, healthy loving children ask if they could rough house and fight. I told them yes and that they need to set boundaries for when it goes too far.


I invited a little neighborhood girl to my pool. She proceeded to try to hold my kid's head under water and laughed. This little girl is otherwise a good kid but wanted physical aggression. I had to redirect her and explain why what she did was bad and dangerous. You would be surprised what kids want to do with their bodies and other people's bodies.


White kids with big bank accounts might call it hazing. African kids might call it a right of passage, Outward Bound. KIDS WILL FIGHT. Doesn't mean a parent is bad, single or poor.

I notice more problems in kids who don't get to act on their physical, chemical and emotional changes. They are depressed, suicidal and serve an equal harm to society.

Rise & Shine
Thrive & Grind
Heart & Mind

And recreation.

When we were young, we had recess and park activities that were available. Plus we played a lot of baseball and football. We were not rough housing it, or whatever you called it. We got into fights like any normal kid, but there wasn’t some intentional time to rough house things.

I would say that technology has taken the focus away from physical play and recreation. Few kids are playing outside or getting into adventures, and they are focused on playing video games and being on social media. That’s the real problem. So that physical energy gets bottled up.

And we were not trying to kill each other in the swimming pool. We were too busy trying to race each other in the pool.

I think what you really mean is physical expression and not physical aggression.

but not sure what that has to do with adults being physical with kids.

She even said she redirected the kids energy in the pool. She didn’t dunk the kid under to give her a taste of her own medicine.

This whole “rich kids, super Christian kids, poor kids” nonsense doesn’t make any sense. Kids are kids and they are all wild cards depending on the time of day or how they feel at any given moment.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

You brought it up like being a Christian means they rough house different from other kids.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

I think her intent was to talk about her enlightenment. instead of blaming someone else
for her failed relationship, she looked inward. It’s not trauma as we’re defining it - it’s was her lightbulb moment. Like, figuring out what’s f*cked up about you.

I forget the man that said, “nothing in the world is more distasteful to a man than to take the path that leads to himself.”

Somewhat, but Lauryn’s actions were not as abusive . I mean it was abusive, like whipping her daughter for no reason or whatever, and verbally degrading her.

But Nina Simone’s abuse on her daughter? I can’t even listen to her music anymore, fam. Not only did she beat the living shit out of her daughter, she made her daughter chauffeur her around at the age of 14. She put her daughter through all types of slavery shit , and didn’t add her to her will.

Straight Mommy Dearest shit.

In a generation of swine, the one-eyed pig is king.
-Hunter S. Thompson