"I just had to discipline my child with fear and I feel awful"
I really do try to raise her differently. To explore early without artificial ceilings. Lately she’s really begun to push boundaries with her mom. That’s what two is for So tonight wife puts to her bed, seconds later she’s over the top rail of the bed. Something she’s never done before. Wife is scared. Puts her to bed again though tries telling her no. Closes door. Seconds later I hear thud, crying, knocking I tell my wife I got this. So I ask her to come to dada. She says “up” I say no and convince her to climb out like she did a second ago. She starts doing it and gets stuck. And after about a minute or so she’s kinda literally on the rails about do I follow through or not, because she knows that’s a no. So I let her keep trying for another minute and as soon as she gets that leg over there I give her a sudden “growl!” real loud. She bursts into tears. Then I try to get to her to do it a second time. She does. Same thing And she CRIED. Cried like she was in physical pain. And I know this kid, that was a cry from the heart. So then I spent the next few minutes talking to her and consoling her. And eventually we found peace, but man, I’m hurting I broke trust, but I couldn’t just let her get hurt to learn, and short of that I didn’t know what else to do. But man. That’s my buddy.
------ “There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus
2. "This is coming from a cat with no kids..." In response to Reply # 0
Parents, do you think it's OK to sometimes be the bad guy in order to teach your kids an important lesson? Like Meat's story, would you consider breaking a trust with your kid in order to make them understand something that you consider crucially important?
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79817 posts
Wed Oct-30-19 10:52 AM
3. "You have to be the bad guy if you are a good parent. " In response to Reply # 2
There is no way to be the good guy when a kid is 2 and doesn’t understand trying to climb up a bookshelf or touch a stove will harm them.
My daughter is 4 and when I tell her no and she says “I’m not your friend” that shit doesn’t even bother me. Damn right I’m not your friend. I’m your parent. You can’t unbuckle your seatbelt whole the car is moving.
I scared my kid once while we were playing. I jumped around the corner to surprise her and she cried like I was a monster.
Few minutes later she forgot all about it.
I definitely feel bad when I know she is upset with me or maybe I shouted because she didn’t listen the first 5 times I said stop doing XYZ.
Parenting is a delicate balance.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
4. "That second fall should’ve scared her ass" In response to Reply # 2
She audibly fell in the dark and landed right on her goofy ass elbow But nope Pain wasn’t a deterrent.
I/we’ve since followed up positive reinforcement She got a sticker yesterday morning for not climbing out and one this morning We’ll see if she tries the climb out tonight when my wife puts her to bed as she’s less prone to test me Last night I put her to bed and though she objected, she didn’t even hint at climbing out.
------ “There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus
6. "All of our stuff is still in storage" In response to Reply # 5
The fact she’s been in this small crib this long is a miracle of a good kid It was too small for her four months ago when she got here (it’s my nieces old crib) We met with a realtor Monday and now we’re in the house hunting process. So we’ll see how this goes. Need to get my child in her bed and her own space.
------ “There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79817 posts
Wed Oct-30-19 11:52 AM
7. "Our 2 year old had her wall down since she was 1.5 years old" In response to Reply # 5
Been thru so many cycles.
First she was good.
Then she would get up and sleep in the doorway.
Then she was good.
Last week she started throwing fits and wouldn’t lay down. Now we realized just hushing her and assuring her we are right in the living room seems to calm her down.
Her older sister is on the same room.
Nap time tho... you never know. Might come in and see the chair turned over and all the toys in the middle of the floor.
Kids man.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
9. "First and foremost, you are a great parent. Period" In response to Reply # 0
the simple fact that your even self-analyzing about it speaks volumes
2nd, you're going to consistently and constantly make mistakes as a parent. its a part of the journey. you know your child and its not for any of us to tell you if you were wrong or right. you did what you felt you had to do in the moment. then you get to decide if you will do the same next time.
Just to be clear...I wasn't trying to criticize or analyze anyone's parenting. The fact that it broke his heart to deal with his daughter that way shows how much he loves her.
My question was just something that came to mind while reading the post.
12. "Thanks. These next few years are going to be a challenge " In response to Reply # 9
As a baby baby you can her by with just positive reinforcement. But now we’re entering a period of setting limits, and boundaries, and enforcing a negative. I think about how my father did it, and I can’t recall a time in life where he ever built me back up after enforcement. He left those kinds of things to my mom. And as a result I’ve never felt love from that man or trusted him. Mentally I now know that we have love for each other. But from a feeling perspective I don’t really feel for him. And I’d hate to be that man in my daughters life when she’s going to have a lifetime of men not to trust or love.
------ “There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus
13. "that build'em up after the tear down is really important " In response to Reply # 12
in mending fences. kids tend to forget things quickly when we've made a mistake or gone too far, but they'll remember those things at some point. adding some positive to that memory helps them as they process that same incident later. it also builds trust for them to come back to you since you'll listen, even if they've gotten in an uncomfortable situation.
14. "^^^^pretty much^^^^" In response to Reply # 9
parenting is on-the-job training.
As long as you're consistently measuring yourself, your progress and your decisions, you'll be alright. ______________________________________________________________________________
21. " You Betta Put Fear in them!!" In response to Reply # 0 Fri Nov-01-19 09:44 AM by Mori
Good parents know the real deal about life. Your job is to protect her at this young age!
I see kids with no fear for authority or danger and those kids have all kinds of broken elbows, scratches etc. As they get older, they are losers, aimless, trouble makers. That shit starts hella early. By the time these are kids in preschool and don't fear or respect boundaries, the parents deal with all kinds of bullshit. I am not spending any time in the hospital because I was afraid of hurting a 2 year olds feelings.
My daughter is absolutely fearful of consequences. Fear is an animal instinct. Humans have logic but kids can't get those smarts until 5/6 years old.
Until now, if you try to sweet talk the baby into NOT jumping to her death from the bed rails, you will be an idiot parent.
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