I'm a city dude so exactly half or more than half of the people I know from my past are childless.

Last night while in the middle of putting the kids to sleep I started to think about ex-girlfriends who were very anti-kids - which at the time when we were dating was 100% fine and it's fine now - but now that I'm a year away from turning 40 it's kind of interesting seeing the paths people are taking.

My interest in this extends beyond exes, I'm thinking about old friends, drinking buddies, co-workers, etc.

At the core of it, its not really a discussion about having kids or not, but about aging the paths we take as well as the long term implications of walking certain paths.

Kids makes sense for a lot of people because it's an easy long term option - but, for the folks who don't have them the paths are a mixed bag.

Some friends have really blossomed and travel the world while living their best lives.

Some friends have gone deep and focused on self improvement taking their time with picking up degrees, therapy, the gym, career life, etc.

And some folks are living as if time stopped and are stuck in their 20s.


I guess, I'm really wondering what the fuck all of this is going to look like 5 years form now, 10 years from now, 15 years from now. And, I think I'm really interested in what life is going to look like for the folks who just kept kickin' it as if they were still in their 20s well into our 40s.

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

The biggest thing I've been thinking about while watching my grandparents and parents get older is that if you don't have kids you're kind of fucked when you get old.

-------------------------------------------------
http://www.soundcloud.com/sectachrome

i've heard this from others...they wanted kids because they didn't want to be alone when they got old. but i've seen some horrible situations where old parents have become an emotional and financial burden for folks just trying to live out their golden years. that would be horrific for me.

Clubbing, partying, going on random vacations, consumerism, etc. These are the college-educated with no kids types.

One thing that has surprised me is the lack of investment that I see from the older childless folks. They are still buying newer cars and living in apartments. Most of the people I know with kids have cut back random spending and bought houses (at least the ones that live here in Philly, as well as DE and NJ).

The much rarer group I see are the childless folks that have dope careers, mad expendable income and investments. Only know a few of these.

---


I worked with a very attractive ~50yo childless & single woman years ago, and one thing that struck me was that she was showing up to the 9-5 EVERY DAY like I was, even tho I had a baby at the time and thus mad responsibilities. Even without all of the obligations of parenthood and marriage, many people are still trapped in the rat race.

.

I know a few people with 1 child they had straight out of high school. They are now 40 with 20+ year old children.

They party crazy and pretty much try to act the same age as their child and I also find that most have terrible relationships with their children.

***************************************

<---------------Naima and Nia Simone

Kids are in college or early 20s now, and the parent(s) & child have pretty good relationships with each other. The parents I know like this tend to be more of the travelling & events types (rather than parties) so they even take their kid with them sometimes.

It's actually something that I envy a bit. I was just talking to an old friend who's son is going off to college next year, while my son is in the 7th grade. We were born 5 days apart.

kicking it into your 40's?

I know people that haven't done either and seem perfectly fine with those decisions and lead decent lives.

CAN be in the club is actually THERE in the club and on the scene living it up like you're unable to do lol...
at least for me that's how it be lol...



"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

for me at least....that is too say...
I think I'd have about the same level of happiness and contentment if these 2 youngins didn't become part of my life's mural.

For the folks I see without kids.....I could honestly see the introduction of kids potentially throwing them an unrecoverable imbalance that wouldn't be good for them or any child they brought into this world.

I don't think I'd EVER advise ANYONE to actually have kids. But I sure as hell could rattle of a crap ton of reasons NOT to lol...

There's a stigma for childless people that I think is unfair a lot of the time. Plenty of people with kids are fucking up too. And fucking up their kids along with it.

I don't have kids. I'm 36. I may have them and I may not. I make pretty good money and I'm buying my first house.

My fiance's sister lives with us. Got out of an abusive relationship. Has a 5 years old. She's been with us for 3 years so we've basically been helping raise this kid. We looked at each other and decided we want more time because this is mad stressful.

Me and my girl have been together 5 years so we had only 2 where it was just me and her and we feel like the time has gone much faster since her niece has been there. Everything revolves around this kid. Everything.

Once we get to do what we WANT to do we may have some kids or we may not. But even if I just sit around and read books and smoke weed in my drawls....my life is my own.

There's no turning back from kids once you commit to it. It can be a regrettable decision which no one wants to admit. Especially if you do the shit with the wrong person. It can fuck your life up just as bad as not having them and being aimless can if not more.

>Once we get to do what we WANT to do we may have some kids or
>we may not. But even if I just sit around and read books and
>smoke weed in my drawls....my life is my own.

Having a house really helps, as it usually gives enough space for the kid to have their own. I've always been able to do nearly everything I want, with the one caveat being that I gotta be in the house. If you're a homebody, then parenting won't be a huge personal lifestyle change at all. If you like to go out and party & drink then parenthood might feel very restrictive.

>>If you're a homebody, then parenting
>won't be a huge personal lifestyle change at all.
>

I don't even HAVE a "lifestyle" anymore lol...
shiiiiiiiiiit.........
How you out here misleading these childless folks?!? Gonna have folks fckd up all in the game...smh.




"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

one time I was up late working on friday into saturday morning, I went for a walk to try and relax, fuckin found out that every saturday at the school around the corner they were having soccer tournaments and shit.

I don't know about that because I don't have kids to take to it, and I'm never ever awake at that time.

shit's not the same at all.

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

If you have toddlers or young kids it’s extremely hard to have personal time.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

like is that a man who walks around the house with a blunt tucked behind his ear and an xbox controller glued to his hand?

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

Besides smoking, everything else I do I can do around and with kids.

I'm lucky to be into creating. Never feels like I miss out on anything, because I don't.



I can see how kids can put an end to the party/drinking/drugs/bar/club/lounge/show/restaurant/travel scene, but I had stopped that stuff in my early 20s as I found that stuff boring.

>Besides smoking, everything else I do I can do around and
>with kids.
>
>I'm lucky to be into creating. Never feels like I miss out on
>anything, because I don't.
>
>
>
>I can see how kids can put an end to the
>party/drinking/drugs/bar/club/lounge/show/restaurant/travel
>scene, but I had stopped that stuff in my early 20s as I found
>that stuff boring.

But there's a stark difference between the things that 2011 FLUIDJ was able to do vs. 2019 FLUIDJ...and kids (not age) are the major thing that changed that.

I can't even take a leisure shit on the toilet anymore. If i'm in the can for more than 5 min it seems like all hell breaks loose. Can't even bring home some treats from the bakery for me and the wife to enjoy.

Can't even have a leisurely weekend morning breakfast....

I could go on and on and on


"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

they're banging down the door

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

>But there's a stark difference between the things that 2011
>FLUIDJ was able to do vs. 2019 FLUIDJ...and kids (not age) are
>the major thing that changed that.
>
>I can't even take a leisure shit on the toilet anymore. If i'm
>in the can for more than 5 min it seems like all hell breaks
>loose. Can't even bring home some treats from the bakery for
>me and the wife to enjoy.
>
>Can't even have a leisurely weekend morning breakfast....
>
>I could go on and on and on
>

all of what you said here, no lies found, but the thing that fucks me up is now knowing that going without the loud and lively chaos of parenting is one of the things empty nest folks are really sad about.

this is the good part but its also the part where you lose out on adult conveniences like leaving the house on time and peacefully.

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

We may never have them. We may decide in 2 years we want one or more. But until I'm ready I'm not pressing the issue and neither is my wife. And like you said, the stigma is stupid. I'm sure we could BE ready if need be but what if we couldn't ? Why force it before we know we want kids just cause there's a stigma attached to folks my age not having them ? Fuck that. It's my journey. It's my wife's journey. No one else's.

We both do really well and travel, have a TON of nieces, nephews, and godkids (which is part of the reason we've been slow to have any of our own ... the holidays are expensive enough as is lol) so we get our fill without having the full responsibility. And we are busy enough as is, but also come and go as we please, can book a trip overseas at a second's notice, etc. We like where we're at and for now we've been enjoying the last few years of the same type of freedom we had in our 20s but now having the disposable income to fully take advantage of what the world has to offer. If/when we have seen enough/get tired of living that lifestyle maybe we'll start working on that part of life. But maybe not, maybe that day will never come.

We're not clubbing all the time but if a group of friends gets together we are able to sign on to it without worrying about the extra baggage. We like that. *shrugs*


>There's a stigma for childless people that I think is unfair
>a lot of the time. Plenty of people with kids are fucking up
>too. And fucking up their kids along with it.
>
>I don't have kids. I'm 36. I may have them and I may not. I
>make pretty good money and I'm buying my first house.
>
>My fiance's sister lives with us. Got out of an abusive
>relationship. Has a 5 years old. She's been with us for 3
>years so we've basically been helping raise this kid. We
>looked at each other and decided we want more time because
>this is mad stressful.
>
>Me and my girl have been together 5 years so we had only 2
>where it was just me and her and we feel like the time has
>gone much faster since her niece has been there. Everything
>revolves around this kid. Everything.
>
>Once we get to do what we WANT to do we may have some kids or
>we may not. But even if I just sit around and read books and
>smoke weed in my drawls....my life is my own.
>
>There's no turning back from kids once you commit to it. It
>can be a regrettable decision which no one wants to admit.
>Especially if you do the shit with the wrong person. It can
>fuck your life up just as bad as not having them and being
>aimless can if not more.

----------------------------------------

"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415

Basically right where I'm at. It took me a while to even find someone I could do stuff with that I wanted so the last thing I wanted to do was have a kid right away and be locked down to that.

We haven't shut the door on it by any means but we're taking it as it comes.

Enjoy your life man. Sounds like you're making moves.

>Basically right where I'm at. It took me a while to even
>find someone I could do stuff with that I wanted so the last
>thing I wanted to do was have a kid right away and be locked
>down to that.
>
>We haven't shut the door on it by any means but we're taking
>it as it comes.

Yep exactly - for sure. We got married relatively late as well so that certainly plays into our current mindset for sure.


>Enjoy your life man. Sounds like you're making moves.

Likewise my man - enjoy eachother. It's nice when you have someone on the same wavelength in this life !

----------------------------------------

"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415

>And some folks are living as if time stopped and are stuck in
>their 20s.

unless you mean still going to clubs and shit? even then, there will always be folks who are stuck in the past.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

>RE: this part has little to do with kids....
>
>>And some folks are living as if time stopped and are stuck
>in
>>their 20s.
>
>unless you mean still going to clubs and shit? even then,
>there will always be folks who are stuck in the past.
>
>

----------------------------------------

"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415

the married part means i am naturally looking on while my unmarried or loosely married friends still hit Pizza Zoo and Makossa and random BX strip clubs. the no kids part means I got bread to spend on both travel and stuff I don't need (ultimately empty pleasures maybe but... why the hell not) and time to spend pursuing hobbies and living a pretty relaxed life.

mind you this is not my choice but my wife's. The no kids thing was an issue but we got past it once I realized kids are cool but I don't need 'em.

there's one dude at work that stays arguing with me about why his choice to get married, join the military, and have 4 or 5 kids is the wiser decision. "Who's gonna take care of you when you're older?" "With the money I'm saving now I can pay somebody to." "You don't want to carry on your name?" "I have a very common last name, so nah I'm good"

I shut him down the first discussion with basic answers and then the next time it came up, he seemed to have prepared rebuttals. This time it was, "I think deciding not to have kids is selfish." I got a little bit heated at that. I wanted to reply that him forcing his wife through 3 miscarriages so that he could hit his dream number of kids was selfish, but I chilled.

A lot of times extended family dynamics like pressure from parents or coming from a large family come into play. Me and my spouse have neither.

So we live a sparse, mildly interesting, and less stressful life in the city. I got my beer and my UFC. kinda how it went down.

I have kids, but never question why someone else doesn't. those very reasons that he listed for having kids (take care of you and carry your name) are inherently selfish, lol.

I hate when people do that.....while he's probably secretly jealous of your freedom. kidding, kinda.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

>I hate when people do that.....while he's probably secretly
>jealous of your freedom. kidding, kinda.

Not gonna lie, I do see raising kids as being one of the most meaningful things you can do on earth, so sometimes it hurts just a little to not be a part of that. But also, the humility to be ok with NOT having kids, with growing old and finding a way to contribute some other way maybe, is something that I think has some value as well.

>RE: that dude was an asshole.
>I have kids, but never question why someone else doesn't.
>those very reasons that he listed for having kids (take care
>of you and carry your name) are inherently selfish, lol.
>
>I hate when people do that.....while he's probably secretly
>jealous of your freedom. kidding, kinda.

EXACTLY.

----------------------------------------

"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415

>"Who's gonna take care of you when
>you're older?"

Most "kids" today are not taking care of their elderly parents, if anything it seems like I see more older parents depleting their savings and retirement taking care of adult children AND grandchildren

I also had a great aunt who never had kids, but my mom, my aunts and uncles, and subsequently me and my cousins/her other nephews and nieces, took care of her right up til the end.

And considering my wife and I both have a ton of kids on both sides of the family that we're close with, I think we'd be fine if we decided not to have kids.

And even if we weren't, you're right - times have changed a bit.

----------------------------------------

"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415

>the married part means i am naturally looking on while my
>unmarried or loosely married friends still hit Pizza Zoo and
>Makossa and random BX strip clubs. the no kids part means I
>got bread to spend on both travel and stuff I don't need
>(ultimately empty pleasures maybe but... why the hell not) and
>time to spend pursuing hobbies and living a pretty relaxed
>life.

I wouldn't call any of that empty pleasure. If it gives you some sort of satisfaction and isn't impacting anyone else adversely then who's to say it's empty ? It's your life ! (I know you know this, just saying generally).


>mind you this is not my choice but my wife's. The no kids
>thing was an issue but we got past it once I realized kids are
>cool but I don't need 'em.
>
>there's one dude at work that stays arguing with me about why
>his choice to get married, join the military, and have 4 or 5
>kids is the wiser decision. "Who's gonna take care of you when
>you're older?" "With the money I'm saving now I can pay
>somebody to." "You don't want to carry on your name?" "I have
>a very common last name, so nah I'm good"

Hahaha yea I find that our generation is far less likely to care about that type of shit than previous generations. Like after I die what the hell do I know about what happens with my last name and if it makes it past my offspring, so why would that really matter to me at all ?

I laughed at your "common last name" line haha. That's so true, too.


>I shut him down the first discussion with basic answers and
>then the next time it came up, he seemed to have prepared
>rebuttals. This time it was, "I think deciding not to have
>kids is selfish." I got a little bit heated at that. I wanted
>to reply that him forcing his wife through 3 miscarriages so
>that he could hit his dream number of kids was selfish, but I
>chilled.

It's a selfish choice to have kids, too ultimately. Those kids didn't ask to be created. *shrugs*


>A lot of times extended family dynamics like pressure from
>parents or coming from a large family come into play. Me and
>my spouse have neither.
>
>So we live a sparse, mildly interesting, and less stressful
>life in the city. I got my beer and my UFC. kinda how it went
>down.

Yea so my wife and I both have reasonably sized families, and/but minimal pressure from both sides about having kids. That is to say we get quasi-offensive questions like "so when are you ..." "what are you waiting for ?" and that type of shit but once we respond that we just ain't there yet there's not much follow-up pressure from either side. The way the questions are phrased are more off-putting, IMO, than their actual intentions.

And I think part of the reason why the pressure is off is because both sides have plenty of little ones from our respective siblings and cousins so it's not like we are the families' only hopes for popping out offspring.

----------------------------------------

"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415

>"You don't want to carry on your name?" "I have
>a very common last name, so nah I'm good"

>A lot of times extended family dynamics like pressure from
>parents or coming from a large family come into play. Me and
>my spouse have neither.

I'm one of the last males of my generation to have the "family" last name. I have cousin a few years younger than me with the name that has a gang of kids and I always point to him and say "he got us!" lol, but they're is always like "you need some too!"

>mind you this is not my choice but my wife's. The no kids
>thing was an issue but we got past it once I realized kids are
>cool but I don't need 'em.


Anti-gentrification, cheap alcohol & trying to look pretty in our twilight posting years (c) Big Reg
http://www.Tupreme.com

They are living very fulfilling lives. Making great money, going on trips and shit.

I had kids late in the game and everyone used to be mad jealous of me and the wife.

“No kids and y’all have a house?” my boy at work was so happy when he came over and saw how we were living. It was his new hang out spot. Then we had kids and dude was mad because we couldn’t smoke in the house anymore.

Kids are time consuming. We have 2. I met a guy who wants to get together so we can talk business but my time is so limited. I literally have 1 or 2 evenings where I can go out and I don’t even want to do that half the time because I don’t want my kids to go to sleep without seeing my face.

For me, the first few years are the most stressful and time consuming but also the greatest time in my life. I’m sure the teens will also be mad stressful but it’s all I know thus far.

Also, having kids made us much more focused and career driven. I wasn’t trying to make a ton of money before because it was just me and the wife. Didn’t need much and we could take gambles... move to a new state and start over just cause we were bored in another city. But now??? Shiiiiet! We our out here killing it.

I think it was Buddy who said the best thing about having kids is getting the chance to be a kid again. I can be goofy as shit with my kids in a grocery store and it’s cute to everyone else.

Only thing that bothers me about childless couples is when they have a pet and act like it’s their kid. Don’t tell me you have kids and then show me 2 puppies. FOH.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

Well...most of it. I had my first child at 28...second at 30.

But to your sentiment about how it changes your life IMMEDIATE-FUCKING-LY is the truth.com. Honestly I wasn't prepared. I had the same sitch: Married, house, no kids...life was awesome and Raleigh didn't seem so bad anymore, lol.

The kids put the brakes on that and I had trouble adjusting (especially with my first child but we got it together, lol). However, in hindsight...putting the brakes on that type of freedom to actually enjoy having children and unlock the silly ass kid in you is waaaaaay more worth it (to me).

I have friends and LB's who don't have kids and are just as fulfilled so I don't knock anyone's hustle. We only got one life...so live it how you feel *pounds*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Check ya self, what percentage is you? (c) Jay-Z

"I mean yeah I be lurking and shit...but I'm saying though..."

>Well...most of it. I had my first child at 28...second at
>30.


I was gonna be married by 28 and probably have kids in my early 30s.

Luckily, for me, I realized that I wasn't ready and wasn't with the right person so I ended up enjoying my early 30's as a single person.

By the time I met my future wife in my mid 30s, I had enjoyed enough of the party life to actually be ready to settle down.

And now that I'm 40 with 2 kids under 3, I'm only occasionally envious of the single friends that are still out there living the life. I need a selfish day every once in awhile but I'd rather be nowhere else but home with my kids 90% of the time. I don't think I would've been as ready in my 30's.

<-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><->
<-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><->

You're spot on homie...having kids at that point...for the rest of my 20s and early 30s, it was difficult as I hadn't grown into my adult self yet, let alone prepared to grow children.

I'd say around 33/34 is when my maturity started to catch up with the decisions I made years prior, lol. It became fun and much more in tune to who I am now as opposed to it being simply a responsibility based on 'what I was supposed to be'.

Now it's the best decision I've made. My son is in the 6th grade (11) and babygirl is in the 3rd grade (will be 9 in December) and I'm not 40 yet (next year).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Check ya self, what percentage is you? (c) Jay-Z

"I mean yeah I be lurking and shit...but I'm saying though..."

late at 36 and 40. By that time they and their husbands were well established in their careers and doing pretty well financially so they're able to provide a life for my nephews far beyond what we had and what they could've provided if they had kids in their 20's.


>They are living very fulfilling lives. Making great money,
>going on trips and shit.
>
>I had kids late in the game and everyone used to be mad
>jealous of me and the wife.
>
>“No kids and y’all have a house?” my boy at work was so
>happy when he came over and saw how we were living. It was his
>new hang out spot. Then we had kids and dude was mad because
>we couldn’t smoke in the house anymore.
>
>Kids are time consuming. We have 2. I met a guy who wants to
>get together so we can talk business but my time is so
>limited. I literally have 1 or 2 evenings where I can go out
>and I don’t even want to do that half the time because I
>don’t want my kids to go to sleep without seeing my face.
>
>For me, the first few years are the most stressful and time
>consuming but also the greatest time in my life. I’m sure
>the teens will also be mad stressful but it’s all I know
>thus far.
>
>Also, having kids made us much more focused and career driven.
>I wasn’t trying to make a ton of money before because it was
>just me and the wife. Didn’t need much and we could take
>gambles... move to a new state and start over just cause we
>were bored in another city. But now??? Shiiiiet! We our out
>here killing it.
>
>I think it was Buddy who said the best thing about having kids
>is getting the chance to be a kid again. I can be goofy as
>shit with my kids in a grocery store and it’s cute to
>everyone else.

I hear you but I feel like I get a lot that as an uncle. I do a lot of fun stuff with them and go to most of their games and plays but don't have to get them to all of the practices or get them up for school in the morning lol. I honestly feel like its the best of both worlds.

>Only thing that bothers me about childless couples is when
>they have a pet and act like it’s their kid. Don’t tell me
>you have kids and then show me 2 puppies. FOH.

I hate that shit too lol

"Only thing that bothers me about childless couples is when they have a pet and act like it’s their kid. Don’t tell me you have kids and then show me 2 puppies. FOH"

I hate this shit so much. Get all the way the fuck outta here with this. It's super corny. I got pets. Love em but I dont dress them up and shit and call them my kids. Nah.

However, I can understand it if the couple are unable to have children. I do know several women who couldn't have children, and desperately wanted them. It's heartbreaking, and that nurturing instinct had to go somewhere. The pets became their babies. I'm lucky, I had children - my sister was not so lucky and became quite bitter about not being able to have children. Her husband at the time refused to adopt. So her cats became her babies.

Of the friends that aren't married:

1 is in a relationship that I believe really fits his lifestyle. Doesn't want kids, doesn't have any nieces or nephews, enjoys his cars, food, whisky and travel. He's with an older woman with grown kids that enjoys most of the things he enjoys. She fits his lifestyle and I think he's going to continue like this as long as he can.

Another friend doesn't seem to really know what kind of relationship he wants. He's on-again, off-again with a woman his age with a grown child. I think he wants the family lifestyle bc he's very involved with his nieces and nephews and tried to be involved in his gf's son's life but can't quite get down with the commitment of marriage , let alone have a stable , long term relationship. Luckily he does have his extended family to keep him grounded.

The last one is chasing a business opportunity so he's in monk-mode for the foreseeable future. He's also god parent to a couple kids in our group so we intend for him to always be apart of our family's lives.

<-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><->
<-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><->

sometimes out "turning up" more than people who never had kids. Its like some of them are trying to make up for lost time lol

Everybody else been there, done that.

No shame on those folks, get it in when you can. Just don't get caught out there trying to keep up with 20 yr olds. Recovery just ain't the same after 40.

<-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><->
<-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><->

>Everybody else been there, done that.
>
>No shame on those folks, get it in when you can. Just don't
>get caught out there trying to keep up with 20 yr olds.
>Recovery just ain't the same after 40.

Plus I know a few olds with grown or near grown kids that slipped up and started over lol

all the more reason to get the snip. lol. I wanted to do as much as I could so no more babies could happen.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

and he slipped up and had another kid.

He was mad as shit.

I was kinda happy since all my siblings had kids mad early.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

my SO has two grown daughters who I've known since their teens and it's nice to be friends with them and help and guide them. I'll be their step dad next year.

I just don't think I could have had children of my own. I needed a LOT of time to figure myself out. I think having children would have interfered with that. But, maybe it would have helped. Don't know, but I feel I made the right decision.

when you had your kids fairly young and having gone mostly through it while many of your friends are in the thick of it or just getting started.

One side, I see people my age with kids starting college.

Other side, I see people my age with kids not even in school yet.


I'd rather be in the former group than the latter, tbh, but I'm stuck in the middle since I became a dad at 29. S.O. & I have talked about having a baby previously, but I think I'm too old to be starting anew again.


Kinda wish I had kids in my early 20s... the oldest would be starting college about now.

hitting nightclubs and bars like it's 15 years ago

you just can't do that forever

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

I am so happy I have a child. I don't feel any regrets, despite being exhausted and a single mom. We have an awesome time together, we travel and I have met all kinds of amazing people through parenting circles. I do feel traveling is overrated if you have a great home or live in a great city. Unless I can travel in comfort, exploring a new city, long airplane rides and not sleeping in my own bed gets old. But I traveled a ton for work. The only annoying thing is I don't have free time like I used to. I am always wondering what I have to do next, like laundry, aftercare, cleaning p etc.

My childless female friends over 40 are
-very financially stable
-Spend money on frivolous things (hair products, clothing, workshops/retreats)
- Most have pets or care for another person
-Most, if they are black, are single
-some travel
-are into religion, orgs, groups, volunteerism
-somewhat discontent with relationships
-prone to illness (cancer/depression/

vs.

My childless male friends over 40 are
-financially struggling
-online daters
-seeking a second career/more passionate career
-live alone
-more at peace
-Feel more freedom to help out without obligation

I think men and women experience childlessness differently because women are socially pressured to care for another person. Men are socially pressured to take care of themselves.

Rise & Shine
Thrive & Grind
Heart & Mind

Kind of relating to a whole other topic in that family life has been devalued greatly in this country and the message is clear that as a country we don't really give that much of a fuck about supporting families because capitalism and bottom line.

But, one thing I think a lot of men who are opting not to have kids for the whole "Mo' money! Mo' money! Mo' Money!" aspect are missing is that men tend to self isolate and do not build and maintain relationships. Women in general are a lot better are keeping relationships going and building communities.

I rarely see men who are intentionally going childless making it a point to be out there building relationships and seeing the world. There is a way to doing it and thinking the way to long term happiness is just extra time playing x-box at night is a good way to find yourself socially isolated later on in life.

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

Childlessness feeds capitalism! It is almost cool to say you hate kids now a days. I don't really understand how people are so offended by children. But I guess it is the obsession with material and self centered living.

I notice that men take relationships very seriously but men expect more loyalty and duty from relationships while women expect affection, emotional support and love.

My childless male friends are definitely more disconnected as they have gotten older. Especially if the clubs, dating and women don't give them the same fulfillment. Some put all of themselves into a hobby like traveling, photography, cars or others sink into isolation.

If men weren't prone to depression or suicide, then I don't think it would be a problem.

But women are starting to take on these same characteristics. So who knows.

Rise & Shine
Thrive & Grind
Heart & Mind

> Childlessness feeds capitalism! It is almost cool to say you
>hate kids now a days. I don't really understand how people are
>so offended by children. But I guess it is the obsession with
>material and self centered living.
>
>I notice that men take relationships very seriously but men
>expect more loyalty and duty from relationships while women
>expect affection, emotional support and love.
>
>My childless male friends are definitely more disconnected as
>they have gotten older. Especially if the clubs, dating and
>women don't give them the same fulfillment. Some put all of
>themselves into a hobby like traveling, photography, cars or
>others sink into isolation.
>
>If men weren't prone to depression or suicide, then I don't
>think it would be a problem.
>
>But women are starting to take on these same characteristics.
>So who knows.

----------------------------------------

"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415

so this meant I had to babysit and help raise kids while I was still in HS.

It’s the main reason I waited to have kids. I wanted to live and try as much shit as possible before having that type of responsibility.

Financially it was the best move I ever made. Only regret is we didn’t get the free childcare and my kids didn’t get to meet my parents.

My sisters spoil these kids and at first my wife didn’t understand why until my sisters say her down. I really sacrificed my teens to help raise my nephews and niece.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

You have one life to live.

and

Having kids is an easy choice to consider even though the undertaking is a lot of hard work. I think it's easy choice to make because it seems to be what most people are doing, it's normalized and to do anything else is kind of seen as bucking tradition.

To consider doing anything else is itself a massive undertaking because you have to honestly ask yourself,

"with knowledge of my own eventual death and limited time alive, what is it I want to do? What choice in path do I want to walk?"


Now, since I'm talking about people, absolutes should never enter the question. People are complex creatures.

I think a lot of people consider kids to be their entire mission in life or the thing that will be fulfilling in itself. Other folks might view parenting as a part of their lives and a part of their mission in life, but not the end all be all.

For the folks who opted to create something else, I'm genuinely proud of/amazed by/disappointed in/afraid for/in awe of what they are building and I'm interested in where it will all go.

I touched upon the folks who are living in a stagnated state because its wasteful to not build anything. Build a business, build a family, build a career, build yourself....but to build nothing is...just what the fuck are you even doing?


You can't do nothing. You gotta get up and contribute somewhere, somehow.


I guess I'm thinking through this because an old friend died and she left no legacy, no artifacts, no proof of life. She lived, she died and that was that.

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

>I guess I'm thinking through this because an old friend died
>and she left no legacy, no artifacts, no proof of life. She
>lived, she died and that was that.

----------------------------------------

"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415

>>I guess I'm thinking through this because an old friend
>died
>>and she left no legacy, no artifacts, no proof of life. She
>>lived, she died and that was that.

----------------------------------------

"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415

>You can't do nothing. You gotta get up and contribute
>somewhere, somehow.

why? why can't someone do "nothing"?

________________________________________________

The ULTIMATE negation of everything.

The space between despair and orgasm is hard to fill ~ Maron

>>You can't do nothing. You gotta get up and contribute
>>somewhere, somehow.
>
>why? why can't someone do "nothing"?

----------------------------------------

"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415

be a really underrated notion in this society we live, meh.

________________________________________________

The ULTIMATE negation of everything.

The space between despair and orgasm is hard to fill ~ Maron

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

________________________________________________

The ULTIMATE negation of everything.

The space between despair and orgasm is hard to fill ~ Maron

>>You can't do nothing. You gotta get up and contribute
>>somewhere, somehow.
>
>why? why can't someone do "nothing"?
>


I don't mean to imply that living is achieving high goals or building impressive things to impress other people.

I'm saying that one has to have purpose in life. If you do nothing with purpose in mind then its something. Otherwise, and I'm speaking from direct experience here, you fall apart. I've witnessed this so many times. I have close friends and family who are living through this.

When I lived in a state of doing nothing - that is no job, no goals, no plans for the future I began to eat myself from the inside. Lots of drink, lots of numbing out, lots of depression. From that time I realized that it doesnt matter what the fuck it is, you gotta have something that gets you out of bed every morning, you gotta have some obligation somewhere - doesnt have to be a "serious" job or a wife or kids - you just have to pick something and walk with it and when you get tired of that, pick something else and keep walking but stopping beyond taking a break to breathe or rest is not an option.

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

>
>You can't do nothing. You gotta get up and contribute
>somewhere, somehow.
>
>
>I guess I'm thinking through this because an old friend died
>and she left no legacy, no artifacts, no proof of life. She
>lived, she died and that was that.
>


i obviously don't know her and you do, so I can't really speak on it. But do you think this is really true? it seems...ungenerous? that a life wasn't worthwhile unless the person has built something that is visible to you?

i mean, maybe she successfully survived all the days she was gonna survive, loved the people in her life that she loved and maybe that in and of itself is enough of a victory?

there's 7 billion of us...we all gonna leave "legacies"?

--
the untold want by life and land ne'er granted
now voyager sail thou forth to seek and find

but you do bring up a great point....
unless you're a complete recluse, there are so many people that you likely make SOME sort of mark on that alters the course of their lives in ways you'll probably never know.

the point about the friend is what got me thinking about living and the paths we walk.

the two ideas appear connected by proximity but they are not connected.

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

Damn dude.. maybe she just didn’t leave a legacy for you because y’all weren’t that close?

One of the problems with Americans is this pressure to impress other people.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

>One of the problems with Americans is this pressure to impress
>other people.

----------------------------------------

"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415

the last part was another seed that got me thinking about life, living and whats left.

For the friend, I hadnt seen her in 15 years and I randomly found out about her passing.

When I tried to dig and find out about her life it was as if she did not exist.

Legacy in the case that I was using it meant having some footprint on life - who or what will miss you when you're gone

All I found on the friend was a never updated instagram feed and no other mention of her life anywhere else. No jobs. No obituary. When I asked friends who used to know her they would say "Havent seen her in a bit, she was into drugs, we all told her to be careful"


I should say the second or last part of the post was more about outlining what got me to where I was when I made the post and how like I said, it's not really about kids or not, but a post about living and the way people choose to live.

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

I got a friend who is a senior level drug rep in NYC. He doesn’t do social media at all.

But I feel you. If you just do drugs and keep a low profile it can feel like a wasted life. Those drugs tho... they really can take over your life.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

"Havent seen her in a bit, she was into drugs, we all told
>her to be careful"
>
>
not the most glowing thing in the world, but that's what outsiders to her life will remember. those closer will hopefully have some additional, more positive memories.

its probably better that she kept a low profile in this case. seems she decided her life wasn't for public consumption.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

Often wish I never had kids tho. Shit is hard. And a lot of responsibilities. I love my babies but I just don’t think I was ready. Wasn’t expecting to be a single mom tho so that’s the majority of the problem.
... "A Beautiful Struggle"
https://m.facebook.com/jamelabullock
Www.reverbnation.com/jamela

MELa
Musically.Entertaining.Lyrically.Alluring.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

But I know my stock has gone down because I left him and now I’m single with two kids. Dudes ain’t really tryna wife a pre made family. So I just settle for a friends with benefits situation cause that’s all I think I’m going to get. At least till the kids get older.
... "A Beautiful Struggle"
https://m.facebook.com/jamelabullock
Www.reverbnation.com/jamela

MELa
Musically.Entertaining.Lyrically.Alluring.