Today is the 8th day without her. I'm still in shock and numb. I get distracted by something and for a little bit forget the pain and then think that Ill see her again.

8 days without hearing her voice, her laugh, her reprimands, hugging her. That all lives in my memories now and its not enough.

I'm realizing that life will be filled with counting, 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, so on... since I lost her.

Going through her belongings was difficult. She was funny man, she had so much stuff, unimportant stuff, but she kept it.

I assume all parent keep things from their child's life, but seeing them preserved with love and care, overwhelms me with happiness and sadness. All things related to my mom will be like that, bittersweet.

I will try to focus more on the happy parts, but right now, it all leads to sadness.

You hear people saying, appreciate the time you got, the people you have, and the moments you share. Well its true. Even with how much as it is said, it not easy. Life seems like its just a series of choices, decisions, and uncertainty. All of these come at you moment by moment and its impossible to plan for it. Please hug, kiss, and enjoy the people that mean the most to you. Almost everything else is trivial.

Thank you again to all your kind words.

�If a fat guy falls in the woods and there is no one around to see it, do the trees laugh?

--- praying for peace, love, and power

<--- #LoveCitees

message brought to you by...

www.onustees.com

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

I dont have that type of relationship with anyone in my life that I would miss that much. Not even my parents.

It makes me happy to hear about people like you that have those types of feelings... I hope that you find comfort in the fact that i am sure your mother knew how much you loved her.

You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.

Is the possibility of mending the relationship possible?

�If a fat guy falls in the woods and there is no one around to see it, do the trees laugh?

>Is the possibility of mending the relationship possible?


Yeah it is.... and its all on me... I just have had a hard time getting the energy up for that....

You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.

>I dont have that type of relationship with anyone in my life
>that I would miss that much. Not even my parents.
>
>It makes me happy to hear about people like you that have
>those types of feelings...

it's always amazing to hear about people who are close to their mothers
it pleases me realize that my situation is *not* normal, and... it makes me a bit sad (and a bit wistful) because i never had *this*
but its always lovely hearing about other's experiences.

.
http://perspectivesudans.blogspot.com/
i myself would never want to be god,or even like god.Because god got all these human beings on this planet and i most certainly would not want to be responsible for them, or even have the disgrace that i made them.

The hardest day for me was boxing up all of her clothes. We did that on maybe day #10...

It gets easier but it never gets easy. And, no advice could help me out in the first month. Shit, even now I cringe at people who give me coping advice.

What gives me solace is the memories. They mean more than anything physical. We all go sooner or later, but losing my mom made me realize that all you can do is be good to others and hope that people speak good things about you when you're gone. When I think her now I smile.

Sorry for your loss. Keep sharing. Give yourself the time and space to cope... It's a very long process that I'm still going through.

My sister and I started boxing things up last Thursday, 3 days after.

My wife thought it was too soon. I can't say yet.

I miss her laugh and her voice.

I'm scared to forget her voice and how it sounded. I hope I ever do.

�If a fat guy falls in the woods and there is no one around to see it, do the trees laugh?

>My sister and I started boxing things up last Thursday, 3
>days after.
>
>My wife thought it was too soon. I can't say yet.

I bet it would always feel 'too soon'. My auntie practically dragged me outta bed the day we boxed up mom's clothes. I didn't want to do it at all. It felt like I was boxing up every memory associated with each piece of clothing.

>I miss her laugh and her voice.
>
>I'm scared to forget her voice and how it sounded. I hope I
>ever do.

Backup any voicemails or videos you have of her. I became the de-facto family archivist after my mom passed. Her voice is definitely what I miss the most.

Peace to you and your fam.

At least I think it’s 3 years for my pops.

It was a day or 2 after Phife passed.

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

This is unfortunately how I see it being, life has a new milestone marker that will not be forgotten.

Do you remember their voices clearly?

�If a fat guy falls in the woods and there is no one around to see it, do the trees laugh?

and neither will you.

There are times I get sad and times when I remember something funny she said and it helps me get thru the day.

If a grandkid farted and it stunk she would say “ewww, that passed something, go handle that”

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

>If a grandkid farted and it stunk she would say “ewww, that
>passed something, go handle that”

I remember my mom's laugh and the LOOK on her face when she was laughing, so vividly.

----------------------------------------

"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415

I dreamt about her for the 1st time yesterday. She laughed and talked, I heard and saw her so clearly. I have been so afraid it would happen for some reason.

I'm so happy to hear that it will not be so easily forgotten.

�If a fat guy falls in the woods and there is no one around to see it, do the trees laugh?

She used to call my cell phone and the first thing she would say is.. “ this is your mother”

Like my cellphone had a random name for her number.

We recently had a family reunion and my uncles and aunts were “arguing” over nothing and my wife says.. “all I can think about is your mom describing each one of them and being spot on”

They were both weed advocates too so it helps.. I can hear their voices when I puff.

My mom: “It’s from the earth... weed ain’t a drug”

My dad: “this is the type of shit I think about when I’m high”

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

I gave her almost the exact same answer that you just gave.

I was also lucky enough to have saved a couple of voice mail messages from her dad on my phone. She isn't ready to listen to them but they're there for her when she is.

I wish I had recorded her talking.

�If a fat guy falls in the woods and there is no one around to see it, do the trees laugh?

>It was a day or 2 after Phife passed.

My mom's passing was 1-2 days before Robin Williams... It was rough as fuck having everyone grieve 'with' me and then have his passing eclipse my loss. Like, damn, how quickly the world moves on. But in hindsight I am grateful for that life lesson. Grieving is a really lonely process at the end of the day.

after my Dad’s funeral. He didn’t have a relationship with his dad and the jealousy was obvious.

My sister pointed out how she want back to work and realized the world didn’t stop for my moms death even tho our worlds all stopped for about a month. Her death was unexpected and I had just seen her and spoke to her an hour before she passed.

but it was so frustrating seeing the world move on. That’s how it is tho.

and over time you find a place where you put that grief so you can get through the days. Little by little you push it further away on the shelf. It’s always there tho.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

She took it hard. And even after all this time of learning how to adjust to it, I really couldn't give her any advice. All I could do is just be there. Try to listen when she wanted to talk.

It's never easy, y'all. Even now, after all this time, if I dwell on it too much it'll mess me up.

Want you to feel better, but I also want you to be able to grieve like you need to.

on sabbatical.

does it really matter?

wonder what bin's doing?
http://i.imgur.com/phECCMp.jpg

>Going through her belongings was difficult. She was funny man,
>she had so much stuff, unimportant stuff, but she kept it.

drove to NC to help him go through his mother's passing
she was an amazing woman - whenever I was in her presence- she just calmed me down
and made everything peaceful and loving
I had to go down and pay my respects because that woman taught me what motherhood should be about.
we had to pack up her house, go through her things... spent time going through all the mementos she kept through the years of her children
i learnt more about my friend's childhood just looking at old pictures, letters from teachers etc that she had held on to

i cant imagine what you are going through
sending you lots of love and hugs and all the good things
you have a lot to celebrate. you lived a life of love. and i am so grateful that you shared it with us

she walks among the ancestors, now. she is watching over you. she is among us because her memory lives through you.

all the best and much love.

.
http://perspectivesudans.blogspot.com/
i myself would never want to be god,or even like god.Because god got all these human beings on this planet and i most certainly would not want to be responsible for them, or even have the disgrace that i made them.

It never gets EASY or goes away. But with time, perspective, and hindsight you'll find ways to get through and appreciate the time you did have.

Keep pushing. You've got a guardian angel, believe that. And this is coming from a non-religious person. Her energy and soul is always part of you.

----------------------------------------

"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415

this is the worst part but you'll get through it

______________________________________

Everything looks like Oprah kissing Harvey Weinstein these days

and healing.

this is hard. my dad passed 4 years ago to this day, at 5:31 am. its not an every day all day wave anymore. but i was just tripping earlier today (without thinking about the date) how much i look like him, seeing myself in the mirror.

those happy memories today that keep sliding into sadness. that's gonna happen for a while. but eventually the sadness will recede a bit, and you can enjoy the happy parts more. the bit of salt that makes you appreciate the sweetness all the more.

but it takes time to get there. you will, though. keep talking to people. and know that it's okay to take as long as it takes you to process this.


peace & blessings,

x.

www.twitter.com/poetx

=========================================
I'm an advocate for working smarter, not harder. If you just
focus on working hard you end up making someone else rich and
not having much to show for it. (c) mad

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