Nearly two years ago, my wife and I separated. In April of last year, we decided to give it another go.

Not much changed. I tried. She did not. It remained a very one-sided relationship. I made multiple attempts to address this, which she tended to avoid, sidestep, etc.

Skipping a ton of details, the last straw came this past Sunday when it appeared that she completely blew me off on a day when we had plans that we had had for a few days, and had in fact discussed that morning.

I didn't address it that night, but yesterday I broke a cardinal rule and sent a barrage of texts instead of a conversation. Sunday was the proverbial straw that broke my back, and since she tends avoid real, hard direct discussions anyways, I sent the texts.

The jist: Things have to change, or I'll eventually check out for good, and my well is nearly dry. There was more nuance to it, but that's the bare bones of it.

Surprisingly, she called me, and we finally had a completely honest discussion, and surprisingly still, we wound up on the same page on several points.

The jist: This was a mistake from jump. day one. We stuck around for our own reasons, based on who we were at the time. We made each other better in significant ways. But we were never right for each other, and we both knew it. I take a small amount of solace in the fact that I called this from day one, and she acknowledged that I saw this long before she was willing to accept it.

Funny thing is, we split, but nothing else changes. Which means nothing really changes, since she wasn't making much of an effort on the relationship tip. We still live together, still have a joint account, will continue to co-parent.

Things may actually improve, without the burden of her being in the type of relationship with me that she never really wanted, and me not killing myself by playing double dutch in a relationship I know she doesn't want, but she won't admit.

This hurts, but the pain is somehow muted, though it does come in waves. But as far as broken marriages go, for now it seems we can count ourselves in the 'best case scenario' tier.

Time will tell though.

______________________________________

Everything looks like Oprah kissing Harvey Weinstein these days

It's painful, but the real pain just hits in waves, a burst here and there.

But it's better this time around.

You sound like you really tried, and I imagine that's what makes it painful. My brother told me that all women are teachers. I hope you take from this something to make a better foundation in the future and that you find rainbows after this rain.

Taking shots in the dark/that's a bad call
Going straight for your head/ gotta saw it off

>You sound like you really tried, and I imagine that's what
>makes it painful.

That's a big part of it.

But that's life.

But sounds like this is for the better, longterm. So use it as a growth opportunity.

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"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

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www.albumism.com

Checkin' Our Style, Return To Zero:

https://www.mixcloud.com/returntozero/

and that living-together-but-being-apart shit won't last.

_____________
if racism is a cancer, black thought is the answer.

Rjcc is code for "bitch-ass troll"

DROkayplayerâ„¢

Real talk, walk your dumbed-down, old head, Simple Steve Harvey hot take having ass out of the building.

You're uninformed and out of pocket in your header.

In fairness, who knows. Could be.

But keep that one to yourself. It's not your place.

Far as that stupidity you spit at the end, again: FOH.

I personally know two people who are two long-term examples of that working out just fine.

We're giving it a go. I'm not a fucking psychic. Who knows what tomorrow holds.

But you keep that Ides of March shit to yourself.


Yes, shit could change and turn on a dime in ways I can't possibly predict.

Take you, for example. You may wake up tomorrow, and magically stop spewing the dumbest, simplest, nuance-free basic Bob ass piping hot takes.

Probable? Sure.
Likely? 8 Ball says: Not.

But who knows. Maybe miracles can happen.

I'm not sure if you *thought* you were dropping knowledge, putting me up on game or what have you, but you just showed up in an oversized suit that look like depression era hand me down rags from grandpa's closet, and read the note of advice he left for you on his pocket.

Sit your stupid ass down.

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if racism is a cancer, black thought is the answer.

Rjcc is code for "bitch-ass troll"

DROkayplayerâ„¢

good thing y'all talked it out and came to an agreement of some sort. either way, hopefully it works out in the end.

Regardless of how inevitable it may have seemed to you, it's still tough to deal with.

Keep moving, shaking, and growing.

--- praying for peace, love, and power

can be deadly. It’s how I ended up back in his bed.
why didn’t I trust my gut...

Be well

¿If a fat guy falls in the woods and there is no one around to see it, do the trees laugh?

How is this supposed to work?

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

It's not like it's been a bastion of intimacy as it is. Shes on one side, I'm on one side.

The "how is this supposed to work" question is simple: it just does.

It's not ideal. It's not what anyone dreams of. It's not anyone's first choice.

It works because everything is pretty much the same as it's been the past few years. In fact, it's an improvement in that this is actually settled.

No cat and mouse. I can't be frustrated by her lack of effort to make this work. I no longer have to push that stone up a hill.

It works because it does and has, and we just cut out the biggest wound in the body.

divorce has never been on our mind...but seeing people go through it and communicate about the steps getting there is somber to see

______________________________________

Navem nu, cuando sol
Tutu nu, vondo nos nu
Vita em, no continous non
Nos nu ekta nos sepe ta, amen

When the sun shades the ship
We sweat and life is not safe
To swim or to touch not
When we unite we hedge amen

Are there plans for either of you to actually file? Because while it may feel like nothing has really changed beyond agreeing to split at this point, once lawyers get involved and making recommendations that dynamic could shift quickly.

So you already know my stance. Whatever works for you all is best.

I know I've been going through my thing but I'm coming out the fog a little bit more daily so I'm still here if you need that sounding board.

But at least it's mutual now and can be compartmentalized. It's such a relief when you don't have to care 'like that' anymore. Finality is definitely a relief instead of the constant ambiguity and emotional tug-o-war.

I know the living sitch will remain the same but as we discussed last time, you're gonna need to start planning ASAP. Her feelings can turn on a dime and you don't want to end up struggling mightily due to it.

Start insulating yourself and making plans. Get your own account (still keep the joint for household stuff). You'll need a spot to stash savings for the eventual move. Plan on 1-3 yrs max with the current set up but look to get it situated sooner than later if possible. Even if you don't move sooner, be ready too. Once you're set up, any extra time you get to stash is just gravy.

Try to get her to agree to the cheapest and most amicable way to split (mediation, jointly created parenting agreement with legal consultation not representing either of you personally). It's a lot easier if you build it together around what works for you both than letting the courts dictate it. Make her understand you're there to do what's best for the children and work to that accordingly.

Above all...keep your head up. This is just part of growing. You're strong enough to work through this and come out sunny on the other side.

Get at me if needed.

____________

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

I'm sure that will change at some point.

We have our plan for the immediate future, which may or may not change sooner or later.

The one quirk we never fixed is that while I my account is connected to hers, the joint is on hers, under hers.

But, in a quirk we never fixed, my direct deposit remains with my account. The way the joint is setup, I have access to hers through my account, but she cannot access my account through hers.

I have to transfer my funds to her account.

So if anything popped off, she still can't access my account.

Does she also have an individual account?

If something popped off could she stop payments thru the joint and fuck up the bills, mortgage payment?

You might want to change that up to protect yourself

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

>Does she also have an individual account?
>
>If something popped off could she stop payments thru the joint
>and fuck up the bills, mortgage payment?

I mean, if she suddenly stops payment on rent and car payments, we're all fucked.

>You might want to change that up to protect yourself

Change what up?

I have to deposit my money into the joint.

She goes on a bender and decides to nuke our entire existence, fine. My check still goes into my account and I just don't deposit anything in hers.

Everything is in both our names. There's really no incentive for her to go off the reservation like that. She recognizes that she can't do this alone, and doesn't want to do this alone. So if she suddenly loses her mind, all she does is screw herself.

What you're describing is highly improbable and not really feasible.