"How I Walk the Talk." Thu Jul-04-19 09:34 AM by Damali
I run a summer camp and a parent sent me an email complaining about a male staff member (who is gay) and was wearing a tight body suit:
"Good day Veronica,
Just wanted to bring to your attention that today when I went to pick up my child, there was a staff member wearing skin tight short bodysuit. I know that in the heat of Summer we all want to dress to impress. But his attire was so tight he need to adjust in order for his nipples not to show. At your orientation I know that was a point of discussion and I myself didn’t think it was appropriate outfit for camp. I did address the issue with Andrew but also wanted you to be aware of it. By far your center seems like a good fit and I would like to make it long term relationship.
May you have a safe and happy 4th of July!"
This was my response:
"Thank you so much for this feedback. Its important to me that every parent feel free to reach out and let me know anything that's on their mind.
One of my guiding principle here at the {redacted} Center is inclusion. Every child that attends here gets to be his or herself (including what they wear...we don't body-shame any child) as long as it isn't hurting any other member of the community or preventing someone else from being themselves. That same inclusiveness is extended to my staff. My staff are allowed to freely express themselves in their attire, loose or tight, as long as they are covered. I'm happy to hear that Thomas was conscious of remaining covered and took steps to make sure he remained that way.
When I am concerned about appropriateness is usually focused on how the staff, and all the kids behave toward each other. Thomas is one of the best counselors we have and is actually the one that is most favored by most of the children that have attended here through the years. Thomas grew up at the {redacted} Center..he has attended the program before the building even existed, since he was 7 years old, and has been on staff for 7 years. He helps children bring out their greatness and makes them feel like they are important and protected. The least I can do for him is make him feel the same way.
With all that said, I completely respect the right of any parent to self-select the environment they want their child in. If at any time, you decide that the {redacted} Center is not the right place for your daughter, we will support your decision and wish you well.
Regards, Veronica"
This is the hill I am ready and willing to DIE on. I will legit sacrifice my job in order to protect my staff.
Her little "i want a long relationship" threat did not phase me. I feel good as fuck today!
3. "It seems like you kind of turned it up to 11 for little reason" In response to Reply # 0
Like you were just itching for someone to try to run up on you.
I didn't interpret her message the way you did. Of course, you have more context than me. I guess this is one of those things where tone can be ambiguous in written form.
She says "At your orientation I know that was a point of discussion and I myself didn’t think it was appropriate outfit for camp". So I guess was there a discussion about appropriate dress? She thought it was inappropriate that he had to make adjustments in order to stay covered up (one of the requirements you mention).
She didn't mention anything about the guys performance or attack his character. She just said his nipples were out. So it was a bit extra to defend him in that domain.
And the last line didn't really read like a threat to leave to me. The opposite actually.
4. "i needed my stance to be 100% clear from jump" In response to Reply # 3
>I didn't interpret her message the way you did. Of course, you >have more context than me. I guess this is one of those things >where tone can be ambiguous in written form.
exactly.
>She says "At your orientation I know that was a point of >discussion and I myself didn’t think it was appropriate >outfit for camp".
i actually don't remember this coming up at all in the orientation..i think she was referring to a conversation she had with someone else.
She didn't mention anything about the guys performance or >attack his character. She just said his nipples were out. So >it was a bit extra to defend him in that domain.
his nipples weren't out though. he was quite covered.
>And the last line didn't really read like a threat to leave to >me. The opposite actually. > >Just my interpretation of the situation
fair enough, but i know what i mean when i'm complaining to someone and include language about how i "would like to have a long relationship". that's a threat, plain and simple and she could have left that out.
but it's all good. like i said, this is the hill I will die on, quite honestly.
11. "you missed an opportunity" In response to Reply # 4 Thu Jul-04-19 09:37 PM by Vertigo
this is one of those "what were you hoping to accomplish"? type of situations.
You got something off your chest that was clearly bothering you, but in doing so you attacked a concerned parent who wasn't "coming at you" in any way. You probably feel better, but what was really gained here? As the manager you have to sometimes push aside your personal frustrations and listen to the person and work with them or at least discuss the issue constructively. I read this as a missed opportunity on your part to understand and possibly educate this parent.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79621 posts
Thu Jul-04-19 02:08 PM
6. "That’s dope you are willing to risk it all for a bodysuit" In response to Reply # 0
Personally I wouldn’t want anyone in a tight bodysuit at my kids camp.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79621 posts
Thu Jul-04-19 10:03 PM
12. "My wife teaches dance at a performing arts high school" In response to Reply # 7
a woman who was trying to get credit for a college course showed up in a body suit. The teen girls (the gay ones) didn’t know how to control themselves.
Totally inappropriate.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
13. "Totally. For either gender too, fam " In response to Reply # 12
I work in schools. Software implementation
And don’t even feel comfortable wearing shorts. I’m not a parent, but someone told me this once and it stuck: You should dress how you’d want other adults to dress around your kids.
"You can take an African out of Africa, but you can't take Africa out of the African" Afro-Americana/Afro-Caribbana/Afro-Latino unite. We are ALL Black!
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79621 posts
Fri Jul-05-19 10:32 AM
16. "If this is a “free space” type camp then sure" In response to Reply # 13
Wear your boots and unitards but if not.., it’s not really a good hill to die on if someone is dressed in super tight shit.
Maybe this was an excuse for a parent to complain about a gay counselor?
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
28. "i work in schools too. we have this weird habit of both" In response to Reply # 13
wanting to protect kids from the sexual feelings they already have (guess what, horny kids are going to find ways to be horny no matter what you wear)
and overly-sexualizing things that aren't sexual, or being uncomfortable with things because of our own issues. both kids and adults often aren't allowed to dress comfortably (or even appropriately for activities) and express themselves because authorities and stakeholders misinterpret it.
i wouldn't wear anything outside my school's dress code for the reason i don't mess with marijuana. i'm not stupid, but i don't think there's any merit to the bans. i think kids should be taught the same ethos, and if they're lucky enough to be in a community without those hangups, then they should be free to do whatever.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79621 posts
Fri Jul-05-19 02:38 PM
30. "Yup, but I would also teach my employee to dress professionally " In response to Reply # 25
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
"You can take an African out of Africa, but you can't take Africa out of the African" Afro-Americana/Afro-Caribbana/Afro-Latino unite. We are ALL Black!
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79621 posts
Fri Jul-05-19 02:40 PM
32. "you would show up to a corporate job in a tube top and daisy dukes? " In response to Reply # 29
no harm right?
I’m being sensational but I think we all know attire can cause unnecessary distractions at work.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79621 posts
Fri Jul-05-19 03:44 PM
40. "You really typed periodt? " In response to Reply # 37
I hear you.
I don’t agree tho but to each their own.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
53. "I'm willing to bet his nips weren't even really protruding " In response to Reply # 0
these people always put the extra tart on everything when they do stuff like this
__________________________________________ CHOP-THESE-BITCHES!!!! ------------------------------------ Garhart Ivanhoe Poppwell Un-OK'd moderator for The Lesson and Make The Music (yes, I do's work up in here, and in your asscrease if you run foul of this
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