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Subject: "How have you handled your S.O emotionally "cheating" ?" Previous topic | Next topic
j.
Member since Feb 24th 2009
3819 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 02:16 PM

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"How have you handled your S.O emotionally "cheating" ?"


  

          

to be clear I'm talking building an emotional connection with someone else
a co-worker, classmate, etc
no physical cheating, I gotta stress this

I'm talking the "work wife/husband" thing
the texting/e-mailing all day
the lunch dates
the inside jokes
the deep convos
the building up of emotional intimacy and connection
again, they ain't smashing, but everything else is there

Basically Jim and Pam in The Office the first 2 seasons

Remember Pam had a man the whole time

Clearly something is off in the relationship if your partner is off making emotional connections with someone else right?

But we spend more time at work than we do at home

It's only natural that men and women around each other 40+ hours a week, friendships and connections develop right?

I'm struggling with this now

One part of me says the game is the game and women are always choosing
if his game is tighter and one day she comes home on some "I choose him" than that's all she wrote
I'm not on some trying to control women or jealousy shit
I can only be me

Another part of me is pissed at dude's audacity and disrespect
He knows she has a man
but keeps on like it's all good
I'm the type that if a female tells me she has a man then she's dead to me and I'll keep it strictly cordial
no flirting, no talking all day, no nothing
but every dude ain't like me

So it's either
Let it go and let her make her choice (can't control anyone)
or
See dude and make it clear she's spoken for (Did I mention he's married?)




  

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
she has a friend she would probably fuck if you were not together?
Jun 13th 2019
1
Maybe. I can't call it
Jun 13th 2019
3
      If she’s doing this while with you...
Jun 13th 2019
6
get yourself a new "friend" and let it be known
Jun 13th 2019
2
I got divorced.
Jun 13th 2019
4
If we ain’t married I’m canceling her ass like Nino Brown
Jun 13th 2019
5
Talk to your spouse!!! OPENLY
Jun 13th 2019
7
this is good...thank you for sharing that
Jun 13th 2019
15
To be clear though: the man who you decided to cheat with was NOT
Jun 13th 2019
21
      Someone I saw frequently in a work-like setting
Jun 13th 2019
24
           Ok, I totally hear you.
Jun 13th 2019
42
           This is why I made the married man sex rejection post
Jun 14th 2019
51
"Don't ever talk to a girl...
Jun 13th 2019
8
Hmmm... Can I ask to what degree you can confirm the "cheating" part?
Jun 13th 2019
9
banking
Jun 13th 2019
27
      I see. Were you gone on your trip for a long period? Sounds like weeks
Jun 13th 2019
43
      TELL HER. have a conversation. say how you're feeling
Jun 15th 2019
78
If she leaves, she leaves
Jun 13th 2019
10
the difference in tone between replies from women vs replies from men
Jun 13th 2019
11
Haha.. right.
Jun 13th 2019
19
Ahh..I'll be back...but I was the "cheater"
Jun 13th 2019
12
As long as it doesn't cross the line into an actual relationship...
Jun 13th 2019
13
There absolutely is insecurity involved here, whether his partner
Jun 13th 2019
16
      Communication about infedilty seems like it doesn't work
Jun 13th 2019
18
      Hm. Welp. My read is there's absolutlely zero evidence of infidelity
Jun 13th 2019
39
           You could be 100% right.
Jun 14th 2019
52
                this happens way more during happy times.
Jun 14th 2019
54
                     I respectfully disagree
Jun 14th 2019
58
                          cool.
Jun 14th 2019
60
                               Word
Jun 14th 2019
61
      No one wants to have a hard convo anymore
Jun 13th 2019
30
           Exactly.
Jun 13th 2019
37
There will be POAST!
Jun 13th 2019
14
She invited me to a work happy hour tomorrow
Jun 13th 2019
17
So how do you know she is emotionally cheating?
Jun 13th 2019
22
my gut feeling is blinking red
Jun 13th 2019
28
      When you know, you know!!!
Jun 13th 2019
38
dont bring it up.
Jun 13th 2019
25
^ THIS 100x
Jun 13th 2019
33
talk to her tonight so you can enjoy the happy hour
Jun 13th 2019
26
Go thru her phone like Drake first.
Jun 13th 2019
29
I think yall should def talk about it. But AFTER the hh. Observe 1st.
Jun 13th 2019
35
This is my plan, however dude may not show
Jun 14th 2019
53
Have a few drinks and then confront the guy
Jun 13th 2019
40
      LMAO Please don't do this!
Jun 14th 2019
50
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXP4GHw8_XM
Jun 14th 2019
59
           Classic scene.
Jun 15th 2019
73
      *jack nicholson heafnod gif*
Jun 15th 2019
71
           LOL! ! !
Jun 15th 2019
75
i once had a work wife
Jun 13th 2019
20
she playin' that good ole' "I have options" game
Jun 13th 2019
23
TERRIBLE ADVICE!!!!
Jun 13th 2019
31
It's good advice, just for the wrong reasons
Jun 13th 2019
32
that's exactly what i meant..never said nothin about doing it for her
Jun 13th 2019
41
Prove to her? Prove what? The advice is for HIM!
Jun 13th 2019
34
You gave great advice here though
Jun 13th 2019
36
I can smoke a bag of that...
Jun 13th 2019
46
While he’s at the gym pumping iron
Jun 13th 2019
44
      What you trying to say? Other dude's gonna be pumping something else?
Jun 14th 2019
55
           I mean...
Jun 14th 2019
56
definitely confront the other guy, best to do it where they work too
Jun 13th 2019
45
but if you go the punch route plz bring a friend to livestream it
Jun 13th 2019
47
So yeah...I had an emotional affair
Jun 13th 2019
48
If you’re the Roy to your woman’s Pam
Jun 14th 2019
49
This was also an episode of Friends. OKP biting old episodes now.
Jun 14th 2019
64
It's probably a wrap
Jun 14th 2019
57
If you know you know.
Jun 14th 2019
62
Damn. That’s some real shit
Jun 14th 2019
63
I hate to see another nigga go through it man.
Jun 14th 2019
65
      LOL. Real shit tho.....
Jun 14th 2019
66
This is why the early conversation doesn't work.
Jun 14th 2019
67
Only advice you NEED is here.
Jun 14th 2019
69
I'm sorry but checks >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> dick and it's not even close.
Jun 15th 2019
72
      Call Center for $1500, Alex.
Jun 15th 2019
74
      LO fucking L
Jun 15th 2019
76
           Almost my whole career has been public sector corporate environments
Jun 15th 2019
77
                Get your money sis, but this post ain't about you.
Jun 15th 2019
79
                     Exactly.
Jun 15th 2019
80
                     You're right, it's not. And you're right, the OP's girl may be more
Jun 15th 2019
82
                          Based on what?
Jun 15th 2019
83
                               Not really interested in taking this back + forth too much further, but:
Jun 16th 2019
84
What do men expect when they allow their wives to work lol
Jun 14th 2019
68
wow.
Jun 15th 2019
70
lol fam
Jun 15th 2019
81
lawdy
Jun 17th 2019
99
Update: spoke my piece, she spoke hers
Jun 17th 2019
85
the fact that hangout attempts was going on and you had no clue
Jun 17th 2019
86
Noted and that's what I focused on
Jun 17th 2019
92
lol this is just the beginning.
Jun 17th 2019
87
Ionno man.
Jun 17th 2019
88
The picnic and group plans happened when I was on a trip
Jun 17th 2019
90
um
Jun 17th 2019
109
      Bring that same energy to reply 111...
Jun 19th 2019
144
           I had a feeling someone might go here. My exact words were:
Jun 19th 2019
145
           Exactly.
Jun 19th 2019
151
THIS
Jun 17th 2019
91
      I get it. He’s out of town. She wants to do “something”
Jun 17th 2019
93
           Ya that part sounded more like she was just having a hard time
Jun 17th 2019
101
good luck
Jun 17th 2019
89
Time to start *planning* that escape, bruh
Jun 17th 2019
94
Especially since he is married and HE flaked out
Jun 17th 2019
95
      she said she would stop texting dude..the hell they texting about? Work?
Jun 17th 2019
96
           Prolly dumb shit.
Jun 17th 2019
97
                Always starts off work then it moves into personal
Jun 17th 2019
105
                     Yup. I had an ex
Jun 17th 2019
106
                     But this "IS" a key difference though:
Jun 17th 2019
111
                          would she even admit to being attracted if she was?
Jun 17th 2019
113
                          That's hanging in the balance for any relationship though
Jun 17th 2019
115
                          Hey kfine it's me again. This is so us
Jun 17th 2019
114
                          LOL but you have absolutely no basis on which to confirm her attraction
Jun 17th 2019
117
                               I got platonic friends
Jun 17th 2019
120
                          Well YOU didn’t hear about it when single
Jun 17th 2019
116
                          I dunno man...I hear you.. but at this point I'm starting to think workp...
Jun 17th 2019
119
                               I don’t think this has anything to do with workplace culture
Jun 18th 2019
123
                                    Yall are really trying to push this "it's everywhere you just dont know"
Jun 18th 2019
139
                          ^ ^ ^Typical non-accountability-having female.
Jun 19th 2019
152
He sounds trifling + your girl sounds like she was vulnerable/exploitabl...
Jun 17th 2019
98
the picnic was perfect for that and right on her being vulnerable
Jun 17th 2019
104
      I hear you on everything you wrote.
Jun 17th 2019
107
      Dude know she not alone. He just don't give a fuck
Jun 17th 2019
112
           or he was there.. lol.
Jun 17th 2019
118
                Dude prob rolled through on the low, peeped J and bounced....
Jun 18th 2019
121
I feel like we're sorely missing a woman's POV here
Jun 17th 2019
100
I am a woman and I've been all up in this post lol. There's been a few
Jun 17th 2019
102
Good for you for speaking up. That's what relationships are all about...
Jun 17th 2019
103
Word to all of that.
Jun 17th 2019
108
i echo this. Bravo for speaking up and out.
Jun 17th 2019
110
You need another conversation
Jun 18th 2019
136
Real talk; you got trust issues fam. And they're gonna eat you up
Jun 18th 2019
122
True
Jun 18th 2019
124
That's the thing...insecurity is only a problem for the person that's in...
Jun 18th 2019
126
      Not sure how much college counts
Jun 18th 2019
130
Not for nothing I followed similar advice and y'all know my story
Jun 18th 2019
125
if my intuition is blinking red and the vibe is off I'm speaking on it
Jun 18th 2019
127
Good stuff. What I said was predicated on you speaking your peace &
Jun 18th 2019
133
This perspective is harmful, man. It dismisss his feelings, his...
Jun 18th 2019
128
I don’t think anyone is wrong in this thread
Jun 18th 2019
131
Peep my post 133... wasn't dismissing his feelings...
Jun 18th 2019
134
      Personally, I prefer both A & a version of B at the same time
Jun 18th 2019
140
           One of the other problems is having people in your corner who would...
Jun 18th 2019
141
he had valid reasons to bring this up to her.
Jun 18th 2019
129
Check the S/O; not the person they are SUPPOSEDLY cheating with...
Jun 18th 2019
132
I hate when dudes want to fight because their girl cheated
Jun 18th 2019
135
      lol it be the principle though
Jun 18th 2019
137
      And then they double down & tell the lady who she can or can't speak to....
Jun 18th 2019
138
The End
Jun 19th 2019
149
this thread makes me miss Maury, Sally Jesse, Jenny Jones, Jerry...
Jun 18th 2019
142
damn...
Jun 18th 2019
143
No
Jun 19th 2019
146
      good..
Jun 19th 2019
147
           Do you put on Vaseline before you meet the other woman?
Jun 19th 2019
148
                you read it wrong...
Jun 19th 2019
150
                     it reads like you're
Jun 20th 2019
153
                     Ok. I get it now.
Jun 20th 2019
154

tomjohn29
Member since Oct 18th 2004
16401 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 02:26 PM

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1. "she has a friend she would probably fuck if you were not together?"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

am I reading this right?

______________________________________

Navem nu, cuando sol
Tutu nu, vondo nos nu
Vita em, no continous non
Nos nu ekta nos sepe ta, amen

When the sun shades the ship
We sweat and life is not safe
To swim or to touch not
When we unite we hedge amen

  

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j.
Member since Feb 24th 2009
3819 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 02:32 PM

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3. "Maybe. I can't call it"
In response to Reply # 1


  

          

Could go either way really

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62999 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 02:52 PM

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6. "If she’s doing this while with you..."
In response to Reply # 3


          

don’t lie to yourself man

Shit sucks but life is too short.

shut up already, damn

  

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liveguy
Member since Jan 01st 2004
7950 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 02:30 PM

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2. "get yourself a new "friend" and let it be known"
In response to Reply # 0
Thu Jun-13-19 02:36 PM by liveguy

  

          

or rather than play games...just end it with her.

She'll know why...no need to explain.

If she wants to be with you, she'll adjust...if not...better to rip the band-aid off now...

We see through all that boo boo like it's ghost shit... (c) Quelle Chris

| http://liveguy.bandcamp.com |
| www.soundcloud.com/liveguy |
| www.twitter.com/liveguy |
| www.instagram.com/theREALliveguy |
| XBOX ONE GT: theREALliveguy |

  

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Monkey Genius
Member since Mar 04th 2005
8029 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 02:42 PM

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4. "I got divorced."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Wasn't no turning back at that point.

Your shit may not be as far gone as my shit, though.

----------------------------------
I have a webcomic: www.watchthecomic.com

My webcomic has a page: www.facebook.com/watchyourheadcomic

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62999 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 02:45 PM

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5. "If we ain’t married I’m canceling her ass like Nino Brown"
In response to Reply # 0


          

Verbally, not physically.

If I’m married I’m putting in more work if it’s worth it

It really depends if I’m on top of things. It I’m doing my thing, getting it in I can’t be mad because I slipped up.

You can’t be mad at dude tho, he isn’t in a relationship with you. SHE IS.

If this is the different religion, pendulum swinging going to the Army chick you need to move on b.

She trying to tell you without telling you. Don’t go though her phone either. You don’t want to see that shit b.

shut up already, damn

  

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Mori
Charter member
3297 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 02:53 PM

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7. "Talk to your spouse!!! OPENLY "
In response to Reply # 0


          

I really can't understand how hard it is to lay your feelings out to your spouse. This situation makes you uncomfortable. Regardless if it is rational or not.

You are each other's FIRST priority, not some random warm body who is giving her attention.

I just know that married people crave attention. Spouses take each other's needs for affection, freshness, newness for granted. Then they throw it all away for a vapid relationship that just filled a need.

When I "cheated" on my ex, I remember the day I decided to cheat. I drove to see my ex and surprise him at work for lunch. I wanted to have an old fashioned make out session in the car. He rejected me that day and later that night when we got home. I was crying the whole weekend and the next man who gave me attention got my phone number.

That was the beginning of the end.

I didn't tell my ex how his rejection made me feel inside. After it was all over, my ex said he felt like he ate something bad and didn't want to kiss me with bad breath, LOL. So stupid but it was more an ongoing thing where he labeled me horny and I felt shamed for wanting him. He thought work and saving for our future was more important than sex.

Don't say it is out of your control. Take your woman away for a staycation in a hotel, have some good deep loving orgasm married sex. Wake up and talk about your feelings. Dont' let a court, lawyer or judge determine your future with your wife.



Take away the guess work.

Rise & Shine
Thrive & Grind
Heart & Mind

  

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Dstl1
Charter member
47999 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 03:37 PM

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15. "this is good...thank you for sharing that"
In response to Reply # 7


          

.

...cleaned up my act, made a few violent songs...but, they wack like Glen Rice with New Balance on - Sean Price

  

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kfine
Member since Jan 11th 2009
1133 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 03:51 PM

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21. "To be clear though: the man who you decided to cheat with was NOT"
In response to Reply # 7


          


a coworker, correct? Or it was?

Because aside from their trust issue, it seems the actual one-on-one workplace dynamic is what seems to be troubling him.


>
>I remember the day I decided to
>cheat. I drove to see my ex and surprise him at work for
>lunch. I wanted to have an old fashioned make out session in
>the car. He rejected me that day and later that night when we
>got home. I was crying the whole weekend and the next man who
>gave me attention got my phone number.
>

  

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Mori
Charter member
3297 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 04:01 PM

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24. "Someone I saw frequently in a work-like setting"
In response to Reply # 21


          

I know that as we get older, people don't hit on each other, they plant little seeds. I saw the cheating man frequently and he would say all the right things, get very close to me and stand over me in a way that turned me on.

I am not blaming anyone for my actions. But I think we need to have the difficult conversations to make relationships go the long haul.

I wish I told my ex that his rejection was making me want the arms of another man. I wish my ex told me that my frequent requests for sex made him feel that our future wasn't important.

We could have avoided so many problems and might even still be together. We had worked out so many kinks, but open, honest and immediate communication was not there.

Rise & Shine
Thrive & Grind
Heart & Mind

  

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kfine
Member since Jan 11th 2009
1133 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 04:55 PM

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42. "Ok, I totally hear you."
In response to Reply # 24


          


Thanks for sharing, too

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62999 posts
Fri Jun-14-19 09:18 AM

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51. "This is why I made the married man sex rejection post"
In response to Reply # 24


          

A lot of women take it there when rejected for sex.

Was that the only reason or the last straw?

shut up already, damn

  

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Mack
Charter member
7283 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 02:55 PM

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8. ""Don't ever talk to a girl..."
In response to Reply # 0


          

who says she just has a friend" - Biz Markie

"Dressed up like an evil villain dressed up like a soccer dad"

  

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kfine
Member since Jan 11th 2009
1133 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 03:07 PM

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9. "Hmmm... Can I ask to what degree you can confirm the "cheating" part?"
In response to Reply # 0
Thu Jun-13-19 03:08 PM by kfine

          

Like has she broken down to you about having feelings or attraction for this guy or something?? Or does she vigorously deny there's anything to worry about? Speaking of which - has the issue even been confronted? Or is it more of an insecurities running wild type of thing?

Not trying to minimize anyone's feelings either, I promise. But I've had a number of "work bros" throughout my career (where there was zero zero ZERO attraction whatsoever nor any risk of it) and I figured maybe I could offer some insight from a "work sis" perspective lol..

The thing is, when I went down your list of criteria... I would say that a lot of those criteria fit my "work bro" dynamics as well (except for the lunch "date" thing... sometimes you just grab food with people man lol. And now that I think about it, it was almost never one-on-one and always in a small group).

With my last work bro, I actually made a point to become friends with his wifey also. So, outside of work, they're a package deal. And if I check my phone, I may have a ton of text exchanges with him but I also have a significant number with her as well as group chats with the two of them together. If I hang out with them, it's usually through her because she's the social secretary of the two. I've met a bunch of their friends and family and they've met a bunch of mine, etc. It's honestly just the most platonic vibe on the planet, and the thought of anything even remotely suggestive turns my stomach.

But if she was the insecure type (which I don't suspect she is but I don't involve myself in their relationship), I could see such a partner itemizing all of those things you mention and perhaps connecting dots that aren't necessarily connected.

In my most recent case, I think the work bro and I became tight because we were the only 2 black people in technical roles in our unit, which just helped in terms of having a support system/alliance when bs arose as it always tends to for black professionals. Plus, our offices were situated across the hall from one another so there was always opportunity for banter or venting or whatever. He was also one of the strongest with his skillset around, so I eagerly and proudly sought help/mentorship from him many times too. And in the reverse, he needed less from me on anything technical but I often had his back politically in meetings or to leadership or whatever.

So ya. Unless there's been some confession (from at least one party) of feelings or attraction, I don't know that I would read as much into the dynamic. Careers are stressful. I always leave every job with at least a couple super-close friends. For me, alliances are as much about coping as they are about networking. I don't know the age range here either, though, which might be a factor. What industry are we talking about?

  

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j.
Member since Feb 24th 2009
3819 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 04:03 PM

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27. "banking"
In response to Reply # 9


  

          

They have to get licensed and she just completed the last one
Around a month ago she was constantly mentioning dude and how he wasn't making the grade
The first couple of times I didn't care
but after hearing his name more than 3x my antenna went up

I chose to file that for later and not say anything

More recently right before I left on my trip
I happened to glance over as she was texting one day after work
and out of the corner of my eye saw his initials in the imessage
I could also see that it was a long text thread

I was flying overseas so I again decided to let it go
Then I had the damm dream on the way back

I'm thinking she built a connection with dude based on the rough time we were going through
but if we talked and worked it out
why is the connection still ongoing?

  

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kfine
Member since Jan 11th 2009
1133 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 05:21 PM

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43. "I see. Were you gone on your trip for a long period? Sounds like weeks"
In response to Reply # 27


          


if your antenna first went up about a month ago, and you've departed for and returned from an international trip since then.

I do sympathize with the way this has been bothering you so much you've even dreamed about it That's sad. I think your girl would/should want to know that.

There's only so much a stranger/outsider can say, since we don't know yall. But ya I think you're displaying clear symptoms of need-to-communicate-itis. You are bottling this trust issue up inside you and it is not only making you feel uneasy, but it could be affecting other areas of your relationship/communications too (you say you two have been having a rough patch lately).

I also think it might help to just take some deep breaths over this, and ask yourself even IF she was feeling connected to dude, how deep could such a connection get in the span of a few weeks.

But judging just from my own personal work sis view?? If it was me it would literally just be some funny dude from training that I'm telling my man about *shrug* You mention below that you're going to a hh with them tomorrow, and I think that's PERFECT. I think work friendships become waaay more sustainable when the SOs know everyone.

There's a risk that making the friendship a "thing" could multiply into more and bigger fights down the road, unless you anticipate her quitting the job she JUST got that she's CLEARLY enjoying, making friends at, etc.
So ya. I say think about what's sustainable here. Not just for the two of you, but for you personally. It may not actually be your relationship.

  

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Damali
Member since Sep 12th 2002
33814 posts
Sat Jun-15-19 05:41 PM

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78. "TELL HER. have a conversation. say how you're feeling"
In response to Reply # 27


          

that's what marriage is about.

I'm thinking you're making this post after you discussed it and then she kept on

she needs to know that it bothers you. period. you're allowed to feel how you feel about it

d

  

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Adwhizz
Member since Nov 12th 2003
39866 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 03:12 PM

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10. "If she leaves, she leaves"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

That would be a bad life choice on HER part.

All I'm going to do is keep focusing on me/remaining dope

R.I.P. Loud But Wrong Guy
Dec 29th 2009 - Dec 17th 2017

  

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kfine
Member since Jan 11th 2009
1133 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 03:22 PM

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11. "the difference in tone between replies from women vs replies from men"
In response to Reply # 0


          


on this site are always so telling.

damn yall, lol

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62999 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 03:50 PM

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19. "Haha.. right. "
In response to Reply # 11


          

Mori putting in work but also revealing that once a good girl goes bad.. she gone.

I know people need attention but some folks need so much it doesn’t matter what you do.

shut up already, damn

  

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tully_blanchard
Charter member
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Thu Jun-13-19 03:22 PM

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12. "Ahh..I'll be back...but I was the "cheater""
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Let me finish these studies right quick..


*************************************

Fuck aliens

-Warriorpoet415

#2dopebrothersandastackofwax

https://www.instagram.com/thirtythree.three/

The Greatest Story (N)ever Told (finished)

http://board.okayplayer.com/okp.php?az=s

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
11916 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 03:27 PM

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13. "As long as it doesn't cross the line into an actual relationship..."
In response to Reply # 0
Thu Jun-13-19 03:28 PM by flipnile

          

...then I'm cool. I'm sure my girl finds other dudes sexy and wants to fuck them. Just like I want to fuck a bunch of women.

If it's just a coworker that she laughs at his jokes then goes home, then no problem.

If things ever got active (lunch dates, phone calls, texting, social media, etc.) then I'd bounce, period. Decision has already been made.




Don't et anyone shame you into thinking you're "insecure." You are not, just rational.




Also, hollering at other women (you don't even have to get their number) is a great way to keep your game sharp as a dude.

  

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kfine
Member since Jan 11th 2009
1133 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 03:39 PM

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16. "There absolutely is insecurity involved here, whether his partner"
In response to Reply # 13
Thu Jun-13-19 03:41 PM by kfine

          

is trustworthy or not.

In this instance, what would be healthiest and most mature is not denial but rather communication.

That's about as much as anyone could credibly advise, not knowing the intricacies of his relationship.



>Don't et anyone shame you into thinking you're "insecure." You
>are not, just rational.

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
11916 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 03:50 PM

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18. "Communication about infedilty seems like it doesn't work"
In response to Reply # 16


          

>In this instance, what would be healthiest and most mature is
>not denial but rather communication.

Assume that she is cheating... she's already shown that she's not honest.

I'd recommend that he makes his own mind up, and not to dismiss his own thoughts and feelings about the situation.

  

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kfine
Member since Jan 11th 2009
1133 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 04:42 PM

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39. "Hm. Welp. My read is there's absolutlely zero evidence of infidelity"
In response to Reply # 18


          


based on what he described to us. Only friendship.

It's not like he said he saw texts between his girl and her coworker about meeting up to fuck. He just said they text a lot and grab food sometimes.

Texting a member of the opposite sex is grounds for dismissal now? What kind of sharia workplace law bullshit is this?? lol

Yall are projecting


>Assume that she is cheating... she's already shown that she's
>not honest.
>
>I'd recommend that he makes his own mind up, and not to
>dismiss his own thoughts and feelings about the situation.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62999 posts
Fri Jun-14-19 09:22 AM

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52. "You could be 100% right. "
In response to Reply # 39


          

However, he knows his SO better than any of us.

They’ve been arguing. Maybe it’s totally his insecurity or maybe there is a pattern?

It’s rare that people have these types of emotional affairs when everything is going good.

shut up already, damn

  

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tariqhu
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Fri Jun-14-19 09:41 AM

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54. "this happens way more during happy times."
In response to Reply # 52


          

>It’s rare that people have these types of emotional affairs
>when everything is going good.

that's why the SO's are so often surprised cuz it seems to come out nowhere.

maybe the happy times are delusions on one side or the other, but still.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62999 posts
Fri Jun-14-19 12:34 PM

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58. "I respectfully disagree"
In response to Reply # 54


          

If they are happy then they aren’t looking to connect with anyone else

shut up already, damn

  

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tariqhu
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Fri Jun-14-19 02:21 PM

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60. "cool."
In response to Reply # 58


          

I see your point, but I don't believe that all of them are looking. sometimes relationships form without any intent. then become something else.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62999 posts
Fri Jun-14-19 02:58 PM

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61. "Word"
In response to Reply # 60


          

shut up already, damn

  

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Mori
Charter member
3297 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 04:15 PM

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30. "No one wants to have a hard convo anymore "
In response to Reply # 16


          

Cheating, infidelity, suspicion, insecurity, jealousy are natural feelings in a relationship. A hot woman or man or someone who is more their "type" can make anyone feel uneasy in a relationship.

But how about we talk about these feelings??? How about we explore why someone wants to cheat? How about we accept that people are human and have emotional needs. Try to bond with her instead of breaking up, if that doesn't work then yes, move on. But don't think this won't come up again in a romantic endeavor.

Rise & Shine
Thrive & Grind
Heart & Mind

  

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kfine
Member since Jan 11th 2009
1133 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 04:38 PM

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37. "Exactly."
In response to Reply # 30


          


>
>But how about we talk about these feelings??? How about we
>explore why someone wants to cheat? How about we accept that
>people are human and have emotional needs. Try to bond with
>her instead of breaking up, if that doesn't work then yes,
>move on. But don't think this won't come up again in a
>romantic endeavor.

Preach

  

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NoDrawls McGraw
Member since Jun 24th 2007
12122 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 03:27 PM

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14. "There will be POAST!"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

https://chriswind.bandcamp.com/track/massage

"You can take an African out of Africa, but you can't take Africa out of the African"
Afro-Americana/Afro-Caribbana/Afro-Latino unite. We are ALL Black!

  

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j.
Member since Feb 24th 2009
3819 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 03:49 PM

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17. "She invited me to a work happy hour tomorrow"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

No idea if dude will be there or not
I do want to talk to her about this
Debating whether to bring it up tonight or wait until after tomorrow

I was gone for 2 weeks and got back a couple of days ago
So everything right now is honeymoon lovey dovey

But on the flight back home
I had a dream that I was on the phone with her
We were both outside, talking normally
and the call started breaking up
me: hello? hello?
her: *calls out dude's name like trying to get his attention*

I wake up

I'm in the plane like WTF? No subconscious Freudian interpretation needed on that one

We've had our rough patches (the Army thing, which is DOA now that she has a banking job)

I can see the scenario plain as day:

She shows up at this new gig, new faces, new scene, new training class
everyone is happy to be there, best behavior, attractive men and women everywhere
Get assigned to groups, everyone intros themselves, all smiles
"OMG, we have such and such in common!"
Cliques form, good vibes all around, numbers are exchanged for the group chat

Meanwhile at home, it's not all sweet
there's been arguments, drama, tears, etc
We love each other, we wanna make it work, we talk clearly and decide to stay together

Weeks go by at work
dude is courteous, professional, etc etc
work texts are exchanged
lunches
etc etc
you know the rest

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62999 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 03:55 PM

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22. "So how do you know she is emotionally cheating? "
In response to Reply # 17


          

Have you read the text?

Are you assuming the worst.

Do you know and just don’t want to go there?

Just wondering how sure you are about this work romance.

shut up already, damn

  

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j.
Member since Feb 24th 2009
3819 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 04:11 PM

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28. "my gut feeling is blinking red"
In response to Reply # 22


  

          

You saw Chernobyl?
that's what I feel like right now, the board is blinking red

There's no "gotcha" text
Just feeling something is off

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62999 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 04:40 PM

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38. "When you know, you know!!! "
In response to Reply # 28


          

Damn.

shut up already, damn

  

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Bob Darker
Member since Aug 04th 2008
21 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 04:02 PM

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25. "dont bring it up."
In response to Reply # 17


  

          

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
11916 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 04:27 PM

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33. "^ THIS 100x"
In response to Reply # 25


          

Keep your thoughts and emotions to yourself until you figure things out for yourself. Try not to treat her weird, or act distant. Just observe. Talk to her like normal.

Maybe you're tripping, maybe you're not. Figure it out first before you go and tip your hand and start getting the "you're just insecure!s" thrown at you.

  

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makaveli
Charter member
15005 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 04:03 PM

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26. "talk to her tonight so you can enjoy the happy hour"
In response to Reply # 17


  

          

just do it.

“So back we go to these questions — friendship, character… ethics.”

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62999 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 04:14 PM

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29. "Go thru her phone like Drake first. "
In response to Reply # 26


          

shut up already, damn

  

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kfine
Member since Jan 11th 2009
1133 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 04:33 PM

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35. "I think yall should def talk about it. But AFTER the hh. Observe 1st."
In response to Reply # 17
Thu Jun-13-19 04:34 PM by kfine

          

Maybe witnessing the vibe in person will help. Maybe the guy's a total slob? Or maybe he's not even straight?!

Another thing, and sorry if this is overstepping but: the way you talk about the dynamic is so... inevitable sounding.

As if there's just no alternative outcome to her being around men other than you than her instantly becoming more attracted.

You should know that, even IF that was the case, it would expose a lot more about her than you.

Regardless of what's going on at her job, think better about yourself.

I mean, you know your partner better than we ever could.. but tbh your happiness shouldn't depend on her every breath and action. That's such a volatile life. So if you're confident, based on her history or character, that she's the flitty flighty type who can't befriend another guy without fucking him... perhaps such a person is not a good match for you??

Challenge yourself to elevate past emotionally immature tactics. Contrary to what many in this post are recommending, a lot of women find insecure stubborn emotionally-closed-off men who refuse to communicate extremely frustrating and unattractive.

Strive for emotional maturity for YOU. For YOUR mental health and attractiveness. And if you two are truly a good match for the long run, then the communication and emotional maturity will help your relationship too. If not, then it'll help your future relationship(s). Just don't make it about a few lunches and texts. This sounds way deeper than that.

  

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j.
Member since Feb 24th 2009
3819 posts
Fri Jun-14-19 09:26 AM

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53. "This is my plan, however dude may not show"
In response to Reply # 35


  

          

It's wait and see tonight

  

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sectachrome86
Member since Dec 22nd 2007
2290 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 04:43 PM

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40. "Have a few drinks and then confront the guy"
In response to Reply # 17


          

-------------------------------------------------
http://www.soundcloud.com/sectachrome

  

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Paps_Smear
Member since Feb 02nd 2009
4168 posts
Fri Jun-14-19 08:09 AM

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50. "LMAO Please don't do this!"
In response to Reply # 40


  

          

If it goes wrong its going to go REALLY wrong.

Not only did you get drunk and step to ol boy she's been confiding in, but if the nigga whoop you then its really gonna be over.

He comforts her AND he can fight? What reason she got to stay?

=================
Official Okay-Super Villain™

I only play the games that I win at -
Gamertag: Innovator
PSN: DurtyGambino
Steam: Durty Gambino
Twitch.tv/durtygambino

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
11916 posts
Fri Jun-14-19 01:24 PM

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59. "https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXP4GHw8_XM"
In response to Reply # 50


          

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXP4GHw8_XM


All I can think of, lol. That scene made my soul burn with rage.

  

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NoDrawls McGraw
Member since Jun 24th 2007
12122 posts
Sat Jun-15-19 03:16 PM

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73. "Classic scene."
In response to Reply # 59


  

          

Clifton absolutely BODIED that scene!






https://chriswind.bandcamp.com/track/massage

"You can take an African out of Africa, but you can't take Africa out of the African"
Afro-Americana/Afro-Caribbana/Afro-Latino unite. We are ALL Black!

  

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naame
Charter member
20797 posts
Sat Jun-15-19 12:55 PM

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71. "*jack nicholson heafnod gif*"
In response to Reply # 40


  

          


America has imported more warlord theocracy from Afghanistan than it has exported democracy.

  

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NoDrawls McGraw
Member since Jun 24th 2007
12122 posts
Sat Jun-15-19 03:24 PM

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75. "LOL! ! !"
In response to Reply # 71


  

          

https://chriswind.bandcamp.com/track/massage

"You can take an African out of Africa, but you can't take Africa out of the African"
Afro-Americana/Afro-Caribbana/Afro-Latino unite. We are ALL Black!

  

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Cam
Charter member
13164 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 03:50 PM

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20. "i once had a work wife"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

after years of segmenting our platonic relationship from her actual happy marriage, husband was a nice guy, she started complaining about him. especially at happy hours and out of the office events. i'd always pretended not to hear, or i'd change the topic. soon she started hinting at a separation. one night out, she invited me over to her apt, not the house she shared with her husband. i was also having similar relationship problems at the time. as much as i wanted to go i didn't, but knew after that if we'd have continued we'd be fucking and the friendship would be over. we haven't had a significant conversation since that night...years ago, except social media pleasantries, we also dont work together anymore.

  

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Bob Darker
Member since Aug 04th 2008
21 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 04:01 PM

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23. "she playin' that good ole' "I have options" game"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

it always starts off harmless, then you add some drinks, then it turns into "it didn't mean anything or it just happened"

Don't talk to her about this...

Communicating your feeling about this will only tell her you're worried about her leaving you....

Do NOT give her the pleasure of knowing that.

Instead, start hittin' the gym heavy and working on things you're passionate about.

Get you some new gear, and step your overall appearance game up.

Holla to other women and display to yourself that you have options too.

Sad fact is, people are only as loyal as their options.

  

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Mori
Charter member
3297 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 04:19 PM

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31. "TERRIBLE ADVICE!!!!"
In response to Reply # 23


          

The point is not to win her or prove to her that you are the man. The point is to learn to communicate how something makes you feel in a masculine and honest way.

Every relationship is about growth.


Hopping from person to person only leaves people feeling empty, unfulfilled and disposable. It doesn't matter if he meets his dream woman,he will still have to learn to communicate about a difficult topic.

Rise & Shine
Thrive & Grind
Heart & Mind

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
11916 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 04:23 PM

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32. "It's good advice, just for the wrong reasons"
In response to Reply # 31
Thu Jun-13-19 04:23 PM by flipnile

          

He should start self-improvement for HIMSELF, and not to save a relationship or win anyone over, etc.

I recommend that all men self-improve. Having growth and hobbies means he can generate his own happiness, which means that he's not dependent on anyone else for that, which means he's independent in that area.

  

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Bob Darker
Member since Aug 04th 2008
21 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 04:51 PM

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41. "that's exactly what i meant..never said nothin about doing it for her"
In response to Reply # 32


  

          

AT ALL

  

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Bob Darker
Member since Aug 04th 2008
21 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 04:28 PM

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34. "Prove to her? Prove what? The advice is for HIM!"
In response to Reply # 31


  

          

I'm telling homie to control what he can...which is HIMSELF!

She gonna do what she gonna do regardless.

He needs to start focusing more on self.

  

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Lil Rabies
Member since Oct 12th 2005
1559 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 04:33 PM

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36. "You gave great advice here though"
In response to Reply # 31


  

          

Hopping to the next person seems right. After all that is how I found my dream woman. But as you said the fundamental need for communication remains to assert yourself in a clear way to really be the man. One of the strongest things Mahershala's character from S3 of True Detective did was tell his wife in a conversation that something she was doing could actually make him cry.

Seen enough to eye you/
But I've seen too much to try you

  

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NoDrawls McGraw
Member since Jun 24th 2007
12122 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 06:21 PM

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46. "I can smoke a bag of that..."
In response to Reply # 31


  

          

>The point is not to win her or prove to her that you are the
>man. The point is to learn to communicate how something makes
>you feel in a masculine and honest way.
>
>Every relationship is about growth.
>
>
>Hopping from person to person only leaves people feeling
>empty, unfulfilled and disposable. It doesn't matter if he
>meets his dream woman,he will still have to learn to
>communicate about a difficult topic.


^ ^ ^This is surgically on-point!







https://chriswind.bandcamp.com/track/massage

"You can take an African out of Africa, but you can't take Africa out of the African"
Afro-Americana/Afro-Caribbana/Afro-Latino unite. We are ALL Black!

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62999 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 05:32 PM

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44. "While he’s at the gym pumping iron"
In response to Reply # 23


          

Just sayin

He gotta see this dude tomorrow and peep the chemistry.

shut up already, damn

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
11916 posts
Fri Jun-14-19 10:34 AM

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55. "What you trying to say? Other dude's gonna be pumping something else?"
In response to Reply # 44


          

lol, all of a sudden I read this differently.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62999 posts
Fri Jun-14-19 10:39 AM

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56. "I mean... "
In response to Reply # 55


          

Not trying to be rude but this advice basically tells him to give up on this relationship.

So yeah. If he focused on himself and hit the gym and did all the things he wanted to do to make him attractive to more people..

What you think she is going to be doing?

Waiting for him?

shut up already, damn

  

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GOMEZ
Member since Feb 13th 2003
5097 posts
Thu Jun-13-19 05:48 PM

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45. "definitely confront the other guy, best to do it where they work too"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

I would also make sure to punch him just so he gets the message.

On the real, forget about this specific dude and focus on what’s going on w you and your lady. There’s always gonna be dudes around. If you and your lady are straight then they won’t matter.

Or just punch the guy at happy hour tomorrow. And punch the guy after that, and the guy after that on into infinity.

https://www.instagram.com/sbmission365/

In a generation of swine, the one-eyed pig is king.
-Hunter S. Thompson

  

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Rjcc
Charter member
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Thu Jun-13-19 08:22 PM

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47. "but if you go the punch route plz bring a friend to livestream it"
In response to Reply # 45


          

and drop a link for your people

also plz don't do that.

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

  

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tully_blanchard
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Thu Jun-13-19 08:24 PM

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48. "So yeah...I had an emotional affair"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

This was back like...lets see...I moved in 2013...s maybe it started in 2010? 2011?

This was when I was heavily into djing, and my wife got sick of talking about it/hearing about it. I knew a female dj that lived in Atlanta, so we just started texting about the bs of getting gigs/promoters...dj shit. I actually came to the A and hung with her one night. She was djing, I was drinking on her tab, it was cool. Now, I had known her for years...she's my ex sister in law, so I'd known her since she was in high school. I never looked at her as somebody I would smash if given the opportunity..I just always saw her as a peer...somebody I could talk shop with and bounce ideas off of and trade music..somebody who was invested in this (djing) as much as I was. The emotional part came in because, again, this is someone who understood what I was going through, and somebody I could give advice to. Her presence was important, because I was receiving full support from this person...something I wasnt getting at home anymore.

When we moved to Atlanta in 2013, she asked if I could cover one of her gigs and I told her I would. The family was still in Charlotte, so I called wifey and told her that I had fell into a gig. When she asked me how I got it, I told her. Don't know why I thought she'd be okay with that...but she wasnt, lol. Needless to say 6 years later I still hear about it...and how it bothers her that she'll never know the full extent of the relationship between me and her. I told her (wifey) why I did it, and she made me feel guilty for it. I guess she had a right to...she was busy with home stuff and here I am djing 5 nights a week. Anyway...it's prolly just about attention. We all like to have attention from the opposite sex, whether we'd really cross the line or not. Go and meet ol boy...not to be Bad Ass husband or anything, but acknowledgement can go a long way in these tyoes of situations




*************************************

Fuck aliens

-Warriorpoet415

#2dopebrothersandastackofwax

https://www.instagram.com/thirtythree.three/

The Greatest Story (N)ever Told (finished)

http://board.okayplayer.com/okp.php?az=s

  

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seandammit
Member since May 28th 2003
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Fri Jun-14-19 01:46 AM

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49. "If you’re the Roy to your woman’s Pam"
In response to Reply # 0


          

Wouldn’t you want her to find her Jim?

www.twitter.com/seandammit

  

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GOMEZ
Member since Feb 13th 2003
5097 posts
Fri Jun-14-19 05:09 PM

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64. "This was also an episode of Friends. OKP biting old episodes now."
In response to Reply # 49
Fri Jun-14-19 05:09 PM by GOMEZ

  

          

some Ross & Rachel shit.

https://www.instagram.com/sbmission365/

In a generation of swine, the one-eyed pig is king.
-Hunter S. Thompson

  

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stattic
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Fri Jun-14-19 10:57 AM

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57. "It's probably a wrap"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          


I have not been on that side of the equation, but people tend to be shopping around when something isn't right at home. That is clearly a generalization. Do you feel any kind of disconnect between the two of you?

  

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Mafamaticks
Member since Jan 12th 2004
4136 posts
Fri Jun-14-19 03:20 PM

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62. "If you know you know."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Long ass text threads is sign one.

Women do goofy shit like invite their options around their SO in some form or capacity. Maybe it's to convince themselves they aren't doing anything wrong. I digress. She already mentioning him at home. And she inviting you to the happy hour. Sign two.

They already spend mad time at work together. Sign 3.

You got that feeling in the pit of your stomach. Sign 4. the fact that you're even posting this lets me know you ain't somebody that's willing to fly off the handle on some jealous shit. You ain't crazy fam.

Tell her you don't feel comfortable with it and be willing to walk away from the shit. at that point she can stop bullshitting herself (sign 2) and make a conscious decision to decide if she's gonna lie to you about their relationship or not. From there, if she is on some bullshit, she's gonna make you feel like you're crazy because you won't have any proof until you go through her phone. But at that point you did what you're supposed to do.

Cheating is a gradual process for women generally speaking. If you don't say anything, she's gonna feel comfortable enough to build another relationship IN FRONT OF YOU. Then she'll lie to you to go hang out with him outside of work. Why it's happening is another post, but it's happening so this is my advice on how to deal with it. Best thing you can do is dead the shit now and leave with what you have. The longer you wait, the more she's gonna convince herself that you ain't shit, until you ain't, then you're gonna be on the losing end.


I've been a work husband twice and I wound up fucking both of them. I was also in your shoes 15 years ago. I let a lot of shit slide and I had to go through her phone to find out she lied to me. I went through that so you wouldn't have to

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62999 posts
Fri Jun-14-19 04:29 PM

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63. "Damn. That’s some real shit"
In response to Reply # 62


          

See, the whole “right in front of your face” shit is what gets me.

I’ve been played like that before.

To see if you are paying attention to the details

shut up already, damn

  

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Mafamaticks
Member since Jan 12th 2004
4136 posts
Fri Jun-14-19 08:29 PM

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65. "I hate to see another nigga go through it man. "
In response to Reply # 63
Fri Jun-14-19 08:36 PM by Mafamaticks

  

          

I convinced myself I was tripping and allowed her to do all that fuck shit. Same feeling in my gut and all.

Shit was 15 years ago and even reading this shit got me hot lol

  

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NoDrawls McGraw
Member since Jun 24th 2007
12122 posts
Fri Jun-14-19 08:41 PM

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66. "LOL. Real shit tho....."
In response to Reply # 65


  

          

https://chriswind.bandcamp.com/track/massage

"You can take an African out of Africa, but you can't take Africa out of the African"
Afro-Americana/Afro-Caribbana/Afro-Latino unite. We are ALL Black!

  

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Monkey Genius
Member since Mar 04th 2005
8029 posts
Fri Jun-14-19 09:20 PM

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67. "This is why the early conversation doesn't work."
In response to Reply # 62
Fri Jun-14-19 09:21 PM by Monkey Genius

  

          

>Cheating is a gradual process for women generally speaking.

While you see the trouble coming in advance, all she sees is her current innocence.

----------------------------------
I have a webcomic: www.watchthecomic.com

My webcomic has a page: www.facebook.com/watchyourheadcomic

  

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isaaaa
Member since May 10th 2007
30424 posts
Fri Jun-14-19 11:10 PM

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69. "Only advice you NEED is here."
In response to Reply # 62


          


Anti-gentrification, cheap alcohol & trying to look pretty in our twilight posting years (c) Big Reg
http://Tupreme.com

  

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kfine
Member since Jan 11th 2009
1133 posts
Sat Jun-15-19 02:07 PM

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72. "I'm sorry but checks >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> dick and it's not even close."
In response to Reply # 62
Sat Jun-15-19 02:18 PM by kfine

          

>
>I've been a work husband twice and I wound up fucking both of
>them. I was also in your shoes 15 years ago. I let a lot of
>shit slide and I had to go through her phone to find out she
>lied to me. I went through that so you wouldn't have to
>
>

What kind of organizations/industries are yall working in that you can even get away with shitting where you eat like this???

Off the strength of this post I thought about each and every friendship or clique I've ever been a part of or observed in a workplace environment for over a decade. And this is easy to do because I'm still friends/associates with many folks even to today.

In the professional/corporate environments, no one was ever, had ever, or was even rumored to have been fucking. I know of TWO friends who started hooking up with guys they worked with but both couples connected AFTER dudes left the company and both ended up getting married (one divorced a few years later, but still lol).

Even looking back on my bartending days, the VAST MAJORITY of women working at the club were NOT cheating on their bfs or husbands with other coworkers, owners, patrons, etc (the male owners/bartenders/barbacks were another story however). The only two women I can think of who did were just kind of wired that way and always embroiled in some form of sexual or financial scandal, and both were "dating" an owner or bartender who was regularly generating similar drama.


Industry networks, especially at the city level, are small as hell. It would not take much for a person or even a company to develop "a reputation."

AS IF I would risk my livelihood, reputation, or even day-to-day comfort at a job I NEED to hook up with dudes at work. Lol. I've never even met another professional woman who "doesn't" think this way. Like even if I was SUPER desperate, I would literally want to look ANYWHERE ELSE ON THE PLANET than my workplace.

Yall are doing this man a disservice with these garbage-ass takes.

IF his girl is in fact stepping out, then that's her and they should deal with their relationship accordingly. But it's definitely not so normal to start a new corporate job and immediately begin fucking the first man one meets there that EVERY friendly interaction with a woman in a work environment should be interpreted as suggestive.


Please stop projecting your trifling, thirsty, predatory, unprofessional bullshit onto all working women.

Disgusting.

  

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NoDrawls McGraw
Member since Jun 24th 2007
12122 posts
Sat Jun-15-19 03:22 PM

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74. "Call Center for $1500, Alex."
In response to Reply # 72


  

          

>>What kind of organizations/industries are yall working in that you can even get away with shitting where you eat like this???<<



BRUH! It goes down inna Call Center.

NO HESITATION.
Dem broads be bussin it down 'cus that line of work is so stressful, ninjaz & ninjettes gotta get dat close-proximity nut!



https://chriswind.bandcamp.com/track/massage

"You can take an African out of Africa, but you can't take Africa out of the African"
Afro-Americana/Afro-Caribbana/Afro-Latino unite. We are ALL Black!

  

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Mafamaticks
Member since Jan 12th 2004
4136 posts
Sat Jun-15-19 04:10 PM

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76. "LO fucking L"
In response to Reply # 72


  

          

>What kind of organizations/industries are yall working in that
>you can even get away with shitting where you eat like
>this???

Nigga, almost any organization that has a decent amount of employees and do company parties and happy hours. I'm in IT so my services are required in a wide variety of industries. And it ain't shitting where you eat until you look back at how it transpired. Until shit goes left it's manageable. I wanna know where YOU work at.

From call centers back in the day to where I work at now, which is the largest fleet management company in the world, niggas is fucking. They just fired a secretary cause she got caught fucking a VP in one of the conference rooms after hours. The VP is still there though but I digress.


>
>AS IF I would risk my livelihood, reputation, or even
>day-to-day comfort at a job I NEED to hook up with dudes at
>work. Lol. I've never even met another professional woman who
>"doesn't" think this way. Like even if I was SUPER desperate,
>I would literally want to look ANYWHERE ELSE ON THE PLANET
>than my workplace.

Nigga that's you. That ain't OPs girl, or the 2 girls i still fuck with, or the nigga who got that secretary fired, or so on and so forth. For every case you say it ain't happening, me and almost everyone else in this post can show you otherwise. lol @ hot takes. Ok ma. You got niggas in here talking about "go to the happy hour" but I'm the one with the hot takes? I'm speaking from experience.

I wish a nigga would go meet and be cordial with a nigga that's tryna fuck my house up and fuck my girl.



>IF his girl is in fact stepping out, then that's her and they
>should deal with their relationship accordingly. But it's
>definitely not so normal to start a new corporate job and
>immediately begin fucking the first man one meets there that
>EVERY friendly interaction with a woman in a work environment
>should be interpreted as suggestive.
>
>
>Please stop projecting your trifling, thirsty, predatory,
>unprofessional bullshit onto all working women.
>
>Disgusting.

Who's even arguing any of this shit? If anything you the one projecting in here.

  

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kfine
Member since Jan 11th 2009
1133 posts
Sat Jun-15-19 05:29 PM

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77. "Almost my whole career has been public sector corporate environments"
In response to Reply # 76


          


so yes, on exactly that "one" thing we can agree. Industry/organization type probably does have something to do with it.

I'm thinking age and seniority/executive level likely influence behavior as well. At least for professional women.

But that's about all I think is worth saying about that, after reading through this reasoning.

There's clearly a lack of alignment in professional judgement, circles, and ambitions between me and anyone engaging in or even cosigning that type of shit at the workplace.

Like real talk I never want to hear any of yall complain about a pay gap or promotion snub or anything if this is the shit you are or have been up to. What are your priorities??

Of course I'm aware it happens but tbh I don't even move with people or in spaces where that kind of thing would fly, so.

I stand by every single thing I wrote, ESPECIALLY the last part.

  

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Mafamaticks
Member since Jan 12th 2004
4136 posts
Sat Jun-15-19 06:37 PM

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79. "Get your money sis, but this post ain't about you. "
In response to Reply # 77
Sat Jun-15-19 06:50 PM by Mafamaticks

  

          

Ain't nobody arguing what you do. Nobody cares about what you consider to be a lack in professional judgement. That's another post. shit for all you know OP's girl is way more "professional" than you, but because she may be starting another relationship with another nigga at her job, you question her judgement. The fucking audacity lol

If you don't move with niggas that do this shit, or know anybody that does, then you shouldn't speak on it or give advice about it, cause you just wrong. Age, level, seniority don't have shit to do with any of it. These are affairs of the heart.


lol @ priorities? We're professionals. Juggling more than one project isn't a rare skill. Promotion snubs? Pay gaps? because dating is that hard huh?




  

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NoDrawls McGraw
Member since Jun 24th 2007
12122 posts
Sat Jun-15-19 06:48 PM

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80. "Exactly."
In response to Reply # 79


  

          

https://chriswind.bandcamp.com/track/massage

"You can take an African out of Africa, but you can't take Africa out of the African"
Afro-Americana/Afro-Caribbana/Afro-Latino unite. We are ALL Black!

  

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kfine
Member since Jan 11th 2009
1133 posts
Sat Jun-15-19 07:15 PM

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82. "You're right, it's not. And you're right, the OP's girl may be more"
In response to Reply # 79
Sat Jun-15-19 07:27 PM by kfine

          

professional or senior or accomplished than me. I hope she is.

But if she is, then I'm willing to bet she is far more likely to conduct herself in a professional environment like me as opposed to like you.

All I could contribute to the OP is what the specific criteria he listed translated to in work friendships I, as a woman, have had with male colleagues in a corporate environment. That's relevant.

The few women that have responded in this post have not been cosigning any of the passive-aggressive, emotionally-inept, relationship-killing, non-communicative trash you guys are promoting. That's relevant.


Your experience is yours, my experience is mine. The OP can judge for himself whose experiences resonate more given his situation.

  

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Mafamaticks
Member since Jan 12th 2004
4136 posts
Sat Jun-15-19 08:45 PM

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83. "Based on what?"
In response to Reply # 82


  

          

>But if she is, then I'm willing to bet she is far more likely
>to conduct herself in a professional environment like me as
>opposed to like you.

Because I had sex with 2 women out of the 1000s of women I've worked with, she's somehow more likely to act professional in a professional environment than I am? You think those 2 women that I was with weren't professional? You think I tricked them out of some pussy or something? Shit just a minute ago you questioned her judgement, now she's more professional than me. You really hung up on this professional shit huh? Like being professional makes you a better human or some shit.


Fucking a co-worker is not the same as being work spouse. I think you're confusing the two.


I never said your experience as a woman was invalid, but when you jump out the gate talking I, I, I, me, me, me AND don't roll with niggas that do this shit? Then look down on people that do? Then have the nerve to say we got garbage hot takes, but don't even know how some people get down when it comes to this shit?

You invalidate yourself.

Y'all advice is different than dudes because the majority of y'all haven't been in LTRs with other women or been in this particular situation with a woman as your SO.

>Your experience is yours, my experience is mine. The OP can
>judge for himself whose experiences resonate more given his
>situation.

I sincerely hope I'm wrong. I really do. All the signs are there though. We need an update.

  

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kfine
Member since Jan 11th 2009
1133 posts
Sun Jun-16-19 01:05 AM

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84. "Not really interested in taking this back + forth too much further, but:"
In response to Reply # 83


          


>Because I had sex with 2 women out of the 1000s of women I've
>worked with, she's somehow more likely to act professional in
>a professional environment than I am? You think those 2 women
>that I was with weren't professional? You think I tricked them
>out of some pussy or something? Shit just a minute ago you
>questioned her judgement, now she's more professional than me.
> You really hung up on this professional shit huh? Like being
>professional makes you a better human or some shit.
>

I question anyone's judgement who thinks its a good idea to make a habit of fucking coworkers. And no, I don't think professional conduct makes one a better human. I think professional conduct makes one a better professional.

Like the type of professional who has his priorities straight... or takes things like his pay and promotions seriously...

>
>Fucking a co-worker is not the same as being work spouse. I
>think you're confusing the two.
>

I'm not confusing shit. In fact, I believe I was one of the few/only posters in here trying to make the case to the OP that the specific behaviors he's worried about may NOT actually indicate any emotional or physical infidelity on his girl's part.

YALL are the ones who are basically like 'when we do those things it means we're cheating so basically assume she's cheating and end the relationship.' lol tf?

>
>I never said your experience as a woman was invalid, but when
>you jump out the gate talking I, I, I, me, me, me

You mean when I shared my experience as a woman?


AND don't
>roll with niggas that do this shit? Then look down on people
>that do? Then have the nerve to say we got garbage hot takes,
>but don't even know how some people get down when it comes to
>this shit?
>

Again, you fail to account for the fact that his girl MAY NOT BE LIKE YOU. In fact he said right out the gate he feels QUITE CONFIDENT she's not fucking dude and is most uneasy about a possible emotional connection. That right there is entirely different than the trifling shit you're in here defending.

>
>Y'all advice is different than dudes because the majority of
>y'all haven't been in LTRs with other women or been in this
>particular situation with a woman as your SO.
>

Very true. Pretty sure I'd still roll with the women on this one though

  

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isaaaa
Member since May 10th 2007
30424 posts
Fri Jun-14-19 11:04 PM

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68. "What do men expect when they allow their wives to work lol"
In response to Reply # 0


          

SMH, foolish mortals.


Anti-gentrification, cheap alcohol & trying to look pretty in our twilight posting years (c) Big Reg
http://Tupreme.com

  

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kfine
Member since Jan 11th 2009
1133 posts
Sat Jun-15-19 10:58 AM

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70. "wow."
In response to Reply # 68


          

  

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Reeq
Member since Mar 11th 2013
7606 posts
Sat Jun-15-19 07:12 PM

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81. "lol fam"
In response to Reply # 68


  

          

------

  

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Amritsar
Member since Jan 18th 2008
29168 posts
Mon Jun-17-19 11:42 AM

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99. "lawdy"
In response to Reply # 68


  

          

_______________________________________________
"Ran through enough dope for Castro to build schools in Cuba. Teach ya kids how to read and write. And use the Ruger."

  

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j.
Member since Feb 24th 2009
3819 posts
Mon Jun-17-19 09:02 AM

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85. "Update: spoke my piece, she spoke hers"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Friday happy hour: I went and dude didn't show (I expected that)
There were 3 other dudes and 2 other females (plus my girl and I)
they were all cool, the usual HH venting session
this one's an asshole, this one's cool, this one this, this one that
at one point, they got to talking on who's your favorite manager and co-worker?
what about this clique and that clique?
I think so and so might be hooking up
did you see when so and so was talking to so and so?
shit like that
my radar was on 100%
they mentioned mad names, his name was never mentioned

This made me think 2 things:

1- dude is a non-entity in the office
2- they were respectful enough not to embarrass her in front of her man (I go with this one based on precedent)

So we left, everything was cool

Saturday we had mad errands to do and everything was cool
However, Saturday going into Sunday, I couldn't sleep at all
I was up for damm near 3 hours thinking about the shit
then was up at 6 am and couldn't sleep anymore

She wakes up around 9 and I was HEATED
I couldn't take it anymore so I say
I need to talk to you about dude
When I was away I started getting very weird vibes and foul energy
then I have this clear as day dream on the flight back home
I need you to speak your truth
Did anything go down or was there any communications, anything beyond regular work talk?

She says
They were planning a group outing to a hookah lounge
to celebrate that they were passing their certification tests
one by one the group flaked and bailed
so in the end it was them 2 and he said "do you want to go just the two of us?"
she was wishy washy cuz she was tired
they go back and forth about it
THEN after they finally settle on a time and place
(this was a Friday after work)
she asks if they want to go just the 2 of them (to confirm I guess)
(Did I mention dude's married?)
He flakes (kinda hard to get away from your wife for a couple hours friday night right?)
They decide to plan the group outing another time
that was that

(that's her story)

I discard all the other shit and focus on "just the 2 of us"
I ask "did his wife know? she's cool with that?"
She says she met the wife at a company picnic the week prior (I was gone so my girl went solo)
and that she's crazy jealous

It all comes together in my mind at that moment
dude is on a tight leash at home
starts a new gig, hits it off with an attractive unmarried woman

So I say
"Out of respect for her as a human being, one of you should tell her what's going on
she shouldn't be the odd one out, I know about it so it's only right she knows you're planning to hit a hookah lounge just the two of you"

My girl gets defensive
It's not like that
it's not a date
I don't want to date him, I love you, he's not a threat, etc etc

I say
Ain't no dude asking to go out just the two of us unless he's got a vibe or green light or signal to even ask
if the group outing fell apart, that was the end of that
for him to ask that and then for you to follow up and ask the same thing
How would his wife feel?
What if I did that when you were out of town?
and then not even tell you about it?

After going back and forth
she admits "just the two of us" was wrong and the reason was she was tired of being cooped up at home
plus she hadn't gone out at all since her grandpa passed away a month ago (fact, I was there for all that)
bottom line she's depressed
I was gone, she wanted to go with the group, they bailed, he was still down
since according to her he's not a threat and she's not interested in him like that
it was cool to go to the lounge with him alone
but then he flaked so that was that

I asked
you met his wife, when do I meet him? why wasn't he at the HH?
that will happen, he couldn't make it, etc etc
resolved that I will meet dude ASAP

Then she got into
If you want me to stop talking to him I will
I won't text no more, no more going to lunch, etc

I call bullshit and say all that will do is create resentment
sure, she'll stop for a while
then some time passes and she'll be mad at me
for not letting her have friends, it will become the forbidden fruit
and we all know where that leads

So I say
I have zero interest in controlling your life
I don't work with you
you're a grown ass woman
you know what's right and wrong
do what you feel

Resolved that she will put distance between them
I take that with a grain of salt and emphasize that she shouldn't do that for me
if she wants to keep on with him that's her choice
she emphasizes that she's doing it for her and our relationship because she sees now how it can be misconstrued and can look wrong to someone looking from the outside (you know, like his spouse)

In the end
I made my feelings very clear, she hemmed and hawed until admitting it's not right, and claims she will fall back





  

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Bob Darker
Member since Aug 04th 2008
21 posts
Mon Jun-17-19 09:15 AM

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86. "the fact that hangout attempts was going on and you had no clue"
In response to Reply # 85


  

          

she never mentioned none of that until she was pressed.

RED FLAG, man.

  

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j.
Member since Feb 24th 2009
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Mon Jun-17-19 10:24 AM

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92. "Noted and that's what I focused on"
In response to Reply # 86


  

          

She claims to have told me if they actually went

  

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BrooklynWHAT
Member since Jun 15th 2007
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Mon Jun-17-19 09:49 AM

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87. "lol this is just the beginning."
In response to Reply # 85


  

          

<--- Big Baller World Order

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62999 posts
Mon Jun-17-19 10:07 AM

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88. "Ionno man. "
In response to Reply # 85


          

I see both sides of it.

Once people flaked that should’ve been the end of it. Cause after a few drinks the excuses start. “I wuz drunk!!!!”

Not trying to start anything but why can’t she go out with you or with other friends?

Going out to lunch tho... yeah, that dude was prolly in the prowl and it’s unfortunate your SO was in the mix. Sometimes tho... it’s totally innocent.

Buuuut, sometimes we like attention even when we know why we are getting it and that it’s the wrong type of attention.

shut up already, damn

  

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j.
Member since Feb 24th 2009
3819 posts
Mon Jun-17-19 10:22 AM

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90. "The picnic and group plans happened when I was on a trip"
In response to Reply # 88


  

          

that whole hookah lounge episode, I was out of town

She was all I don't see him like that, it was a work thing, I don't shit where I eat, I'm not interested in dude, etc etc

So that's why I was adamant on "let's go the two of us"
2 sides to every story, I'm only getting hers
She says he brought it up first
then she did

I asked: if he didn't flake when you brought it up, would you have gone then?

She goes probably not, I was tired, I'm glad he flaked
me: so why bring it up in the first place?
her: *kanyeshrug*

To me this was some old I want attention but then dude was getting too close for comfort
We all know women can never get enough attention
shit has happened to me in the past
"what's all the smiling and hanging out for? is she being nice or is she interested?"

I'm putting this to rest once I meet dude
for now it's trust but verify (don't want to go through her phone but the truth always comes out anyway)

  

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Damali
Member since Sep 12th 2002
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Mon Jun-17-19 02:42 PM

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109. "um"
In response to Reply # 90


          


>We all know people can never get enough attention

fixed it for you.

and fuck u for that.

d

  

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spirit
Charter member
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Wed Jun-19-19 03:39 AM

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144. "Bring that same energy to reply 111..."
In response to Reply # 109


  

          

...discussing “typical male motives”

Since we’re being aggressively gender balanced and all.

Peace,

Spirit (Alan)
http://wutangbook.com

  

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kfine
Member since Jan 11th 2009
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Wed Jun-19-19 04:54 AM

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145. "I had a feeling someone might go here. My exact words were:"
In response to Reply # 144
Wed Jun-19-19 04:55 AM by kfine

          

"So perhaps that's why I so strongly reject most posters in here projecting (what appear to be typically) male motives onto your girl. I guess I could just read what you described so many other ways. "

And I said it because in the post it's pretty much EXCLUSIVELY MEN pushing an assumption of prowl/cheating behavior on the part of the OP's girlfriend, and EXCLUSIVELY MEN defending the practice of - and insisting on the ubiquity of - inevitably hooking up with colleagues at a new job.

I know there's only a few of us women responding on okp these days to begin with, and we're certainly likely to have different views on things. But I found it noteworthy that exactly none of the women responding in here projected similar motives onto his girlfriend, and that we all seemed to coalesce around a sense that he just needs to communicate with her before jumping to a conclusion (a sentiment NOT initially shared by most men responding, btw)

In this case, my comment was less about men at large and more about the gendered dynamic playing out in the post.

You could have just communicated the offense you perceived to me directly down there though lol I don't bite

  

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NoDrawls McGraw
Member since Jun 24th 2007
12122 posts
Wed Jun-19-19 07:49 PM

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151. "Exactly."
In response to Reply # 144


  

          

Dumbmali cant help herself.


https://chriswind.bandcamp.com/track/massage

"You can take an African out of Africa, but you can't take Africa out of the African"
Afro-Americana/Afro-Caribbana/Afro-Latino unite. We are ALL Black!

  

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Bob Darker
Member since Aug 04th 2008
21 posts
Mon Jun-17-19 10:23 AM

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91. "THIS"
In response to Reply # 88


  

          

>....but why can’t she go out with you or with other friends?

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62999 posts
Mon Jun-17-19 10:44 AM

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93. "I get it. He’s out of town. She wants to do “something”"
In response to Reply # 91


          

then everyone flakes.

This is the time when a woman needs to put her big girl pants on and go out by herself.

or is that a no no in 2019?

shut up already, damn

  

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kfine
Member since Jan 11th 2009
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Mon Jun-17-19 11:49 AM

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101. "Ya that part sounded more like she was just having a hard time"
In response to Reply # 93


          


speaking up to me. When you're happy that a person flakes, it means part of you didn't really want to go lol.

>
>This is the time when a woman needs to put her big girl pants
>on and go out by herself.
>

or hit up a friend outside of work? run some errands? go shopping/window-shopping? deep-condition her hair lol? enjoy the house to herself?

And let's not forget she could have always gone home and texted/called her man, too.

But I definitely got the sense there that she was open to hanging just to salvage the feeling of having plans/fun lined up, not for the rush of some secret tryst with homeboy.

  

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mista k5
Member since Feb 01st 2006
10871 posts
Mon Jun-17-19 10:17 AM

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89. "good luck"
In response to Reply # 85


  

          

good on you for bringing it up. i really dont know what a good way to handle it would be. i hope it works out for you guys.

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
11916 posts
Mon Jun-17-19 10:50 AM

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94. "Time to start *planning* that escape, bruh"
In response to Reply # 85


          

Not saying you gotta bounce, but you should be prepared to if need be. I know I seem extreme sometimes but it's out of concern.

Every time I've been in or seen this situation it turned out the same way. Reality is she has a date set up with another dude, and kept it secret from you. All you gotta do is put yourself in the dude's position to get a good idea of the situation.


Hope it works out, either way.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62999 posts
Mon Jun-17-19 10:54 AM

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95. "Especially since he is married and HE flaked out"
In response to Reply # 94


          

now did he know J was out of town?

Cause if she let it be known then dude was prolly like “oh yeahhhh, Jen did the Chris Rock in the mirror look” and realized he was fucking up.

shut up already, damn

  

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Bob Darker
Member since Aug 04th 2008
21 posts
Mon Jun-17-19 11:05 AM

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96. "she said she would stop texting dude..the hell they texting about? Work?"
In response to Reply # 95


  

          

RED FLAG!

I wish homie the best, but sound to me like he need to be on some ZERO TOLERANCE with this shit.

I know he don't wanna act hastily, but if it's allowed, it will be done.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62999 posts
Mon Jun-17-19 11:31 AM

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97. "Prolly dumb shit. "
In response to Reply # 96


          

But that’s how it starts.


shut up already, damn

  

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j.
Member since Feb 24th 2009
3819 posts
Mon Jun-17-19 12:59 PM

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105. "Always starts off work then it moves into personal"
In response to Reply # 97


  

          

making plans, asking questions, how was your weekend, did you see x show on tv, bla bla bla and it snowballs from there

I shat where I ate before, I was single and so were they and it was always the same routine

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62999 posts
Mon Jun-17-19 02:26 PM

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106. "Yup. I had an ex"
In response to Reply # 105


          

I had already broken up with her for some other fouls shit but still kept contact. She started a new gig and I knew it was a matter of time before the wolves attacked.

Watched it all unfold.

A few months later she came back around tail tucked trying to get that old thing back but nah.. she was damaged goods.

Good job communicating but one thing I have to say is if you have to continue to monitor and school her on grimy dudes you know the deal.

Nothing more frustrating than having to tell someone something they already know. People aren’t dumb but they play it when they are vulnerable.

shut up already, damn

  

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kfine
Member since Jan 11th 2009
1133 posts
Mon Jun-17-19 02:53 PM

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111. "But this "IS" a key difference though:"
In response to Reply # 105


          


>
>I was single and so were they


Single people interacting who are attracted to each other is different than partnered people interacting where at least one person is NOT attracted, no?

I guess I'm just still not even seeing what would be in it for your girl to fall so aggressively for this dude, lol. Especially if she's not attracted to him and has assured you she's still committed to your relationship and he's married. She literally just started the job too.

I totally get insecurities solidifying after recent rockiness in your relationship, but then you also explained that she's been feeling cooped up and depressed and lost a family member recently... Aren't THOSE issues probably more related to your recent relationship rockiness than this trifling dude at her job?? Like he's a fly but the other stuff is mold, know what I mean?

And I mean, you (understandably) went hardcore threat-detection turf-protection mode, but perhaps what could help your relationship most during this time is actually some intentional and sustained nurturing? I think Mori spoke to this elsewhere in the post.

Not to reference my own work sis experiences again but... with my work bro friendships, in almost all cases the work bro was the one who was partnered. Whereas in half the cases I was partnered and the other half I was single. I NEVER EVER had a problem with a work bro's SO when I was the single work sis, talk less of when partnered. And not even my craziest ex was ever jealous of any work bro.

BUT. I'm also not the shit where I eat type. So perhaps that's why I so strongly reject most posters in here projecting (what appear to be typically) male motives onto your girl. I guess I could just read what you described so many other ways.

I dunno. Glad you two came to an understanding I guess. But if she swears she's not the shit where she eats type either, I'm inclined to give her benefit of the doubt based on what you've shared here. I still think your girl's not really being given a fair shake in this post but... *shrug*

  

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Bob Darker
Member since Aug 04th 2008
21 posts
Mon Jun-17-19 03:11 PM

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113. "would she even admit to being attracted if she was?"
In response to Reply # 111


  

          

No.

What she said could be true...could also be BS.

Homie need to meet old boy, make hard eye contact and squeeze the fuck out of his hand on the first handshake and purposely mispronounce his name the entire time dude is around them.

  

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kfine
Member since Jan 11th 2009
1133 posts
Mon Jun-17-19 03:26 PM

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115. "That's hanging in the balance for any relationship though"
In response to Reply # 113


          


>
>What she said could be true...could also be BS.
>


Good luck getting a romantic relationship to work/last without even the tiniest bit of trust and communication.


Tbh, if she's not the shit where one eats type.. then there'd be no risk of bs EVEN IF she found him attractive.

This whole issue has more to do with character and discipline than anything else, imho.




  

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Mafamaticks
Member since Jan 12th 2004
4136 posts
Mon Jun-17-19 03:14 PM

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114. "Hey kfine it's me again. This is so us"
In response to Reply # 111


  

          

>I guess I'm just still not even seeing what would be in it for
>your girl to fall so aggressively for this dude, lol.

Trouble at home + rebound relationship shit. And I have a theory about rebound relationships. Like subconsciously your body wants to jump to the next one and not miss a beat, which is why people that get out of LTRs be all clingy.

And don't get it twisted. She's definitely attracted to him. Maybe not physically, but you don't exchange long ass text threads with somebody you not attracted to.

In your case, since you go so hard about this professionalism shit, you probably made your boundaries clear, whereas my assumption is OPs girl was either intentionally or unintentionally vague with it.



  

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kfine
Member since Jan 11th 2009
1133 posts
Mon Jun-17-19 04:03 PM

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117. "LOL but you have absolutely no basis on which to confirm her attraction "
In response to Reply # 114


          


>
>And don't get it twisted. She's definitely attracted to him.

I really don't get that vibe. But who knows I guess, since we don't know the people involved in real life

>you don't exchange long ass text
>threads with somebody you not attracted to.

I have and do on a regular basis lol

Do yall not have platonic friends?? There's all sorts of non-sexual stuff to text about. Work, work gossip (especially working somewhere where the chats/emails are monitored and stored), the day's cafeteria special, politics, sports, concerts, jokes, memes, etc.

Yall must be mad boring if the only substance you can muster in your text conversations with women is sexual innuendo


>
>In your case, since you go so hard about this professionalism
>shit, you probably made your boundaries clear, whereas my
>assumption is OPs girl was either intentionally or
>unintentionally vague with it.
>

Now see, we can agree that his girl appears to have been vague in her signals/boundary-setting. BUT I think we disagree on the possible reasons why.

To me she just sounds like she's trying to fit in at the job and she's had a lot going on outside of work and her relationship.

I definitely DON'T think the vagueness is a sign of her deep-rooted emotional and secret attraction to her married coworker she only met a few weeks ago.

  

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Mafamaticks
Member since Jan 12th 2004
4136 posts
Mon Jun-17-19 05:36 PM

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120. "I got platonic friends"
In response to Reply # 117


  

          

And I got a few group chats from various spots I used to work at.

I’m thinking long like they texting back and forth like all day after work hours. Like if it’s mad blue and grey exchanges within a one hour window.


Maybe that’s where I got it fucked up cause Memes and work jokes don’t last that long.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62999 posts
Mon Jun-17-19 04:03 PM

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116. "Well YOU didn’t hear about it when single"
In response to Reply # 111


          

but those dudes did.

Trust me.

The real issue tho is if someone needs attention due arguing at home or feeling ignored in their relationship.

Sometimes folks make up reasons to justify their actions.

shut up already, damn

  

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kfine
Member since Jan 11th 2009
1133 posts
Mon Jun-17-19 04:30 PM

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119. "I dunno man...I hear you.. but at this point I'm starting to think workp..."
In response to Reply # 116
Mon Jun-17-19 04:36 PM by kfine

          

culture or industry must play a massive role...

Like I'm honestly racking my brain, trying to relate to what you guys are describing.

When I zoom out a bit on the work sis-work bro friendships themselves, it was most often as part of a larger clique/group of friends. So one could argue they were more like work bro-work sis-"networks" lol. But still. NEVER any shady shit.

Spouses/partners are even part of the club. One couple always hosts the superbowl party, one couple hosts pre-drinks before the christmas party, etc.

My work bro's girl once texted "ME" at an odd time to help her surprise her man with a birthday lunch + cake party she wanted to host in our building. Like I'm booking conference rooms for her and shit, lol

Or there was the time I "left" my job (and my ex), and my ex started hanging out with my (former) work bro. That was awkward lol

I get what you're trying to say about seeking refuge from relationship issues. I've gone through relationship issues while working somewhere, and sometimes talked to a work bro as friends about what was going on. But not because I was attracted or escaping, more to get a male perspective from somebody that knew me on a day-to-day basis. Or sometimes, the work bro and his girl/wife would ask me what's going on, if I became close friends with them both and they heard I broke up with so-and-so.

How do you think these guys earn the title the work bro??!! One even ratted on my cheating ex to me (saw him out with another woman). That's why I even designated him a legit bro lol

*shrug* I've just never worked anywhere or with people where the vibe isn't super cool. Even the nightclub I worked at wasn't a complete orgy among staff.

I know nothing of this inevitable emotional or sexual work relationship yall are talking about

edit: I should note these were friendships/cliques that built up after YEARS of working together.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62999 posts
Tue Jun-18-19 07:13 AM

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123. "I don’t think this has anything to do with workplace culture"
In response to Reply # 119


          

You just haven’t seen it or it was hidden from you.

I wouldn’t want to go to a nightclub where the coworkers ain’t having orgy drama. That place sounds boring. lol.

shut up already, damn

  

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kfine
Member since Jan 11th 2009
1133 posts
Tue Jun-18-19 01:04 PM

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139. "Yall are really trying to push this "it's everywhere you just dont know""
In response to Reply # 123
Tue Jun-18-19 01:05 PM by kfine

          

angle lol

Why is it so hard to consider that some places and some people are just trifling??? And that neither are this overwhelming majority?? Maybe I've hurt some feelings or something, lol. Like folks need to feel like this shit is widespread to feel better about their own dirt I dunno.

I mean of course I know it can go down anywhere.. there's examples ranging from Presidents to CEOs to call centers to restaurants to teachers to lawyers to janitors etc.

I guess the reason I think workplace or industry culture could play a role is because I led a double life for a long time splitting corporate during week and nightclub/promo modeling on weekends.

There was infinitely more bs doing the club + promo work obv. And I would have expected more examples to show up there - even though I/a lot of my female coworkers weren't cheating with anyone we met there.

But literally only a few women out of probably like 50+ ppl I worked with/for over the course of a decade and they definitely had a pattern of behavior.

And that was the drunken environment. I promise you the corporates have been normal as all hell. I don't really see hookups being "hidden" well, especially in offices where the cliques were particularly tight.I think it'd be even easier to pick up on stuff in that case.

*shrug* I just think the numbers aren't there to assume EVERY friendly professional interaction (at least with a woman) could turn sexual. We can agree to disagree though

  

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NoDrawls McGraw
Member since Jun 24th 2007
12122 posts
Wed Jun-19-19 07:55 PM

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152. "^ ^ ^Typical non-accountability-having female."
In response to Reply # 111


  

          

>BUT. I'm also not the shit where I eat type. So perhaps that's
>why I so strongly reject most posters in here projecting (what
>appear to be typically) male motives onto your girl. I guess I
>could just read what you described so many other ways.


^As if women don't do their own respective dirt.
You can't be this naive.

Then again.......




https://chriswind.bandcamp.com/track/massage

"You can take an African out of Africa, but you can't take Africa out of the African"
Afro-Americana/Afro-Caribbana/Afro-Latino unite. We are ALL Black!

  

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kfine
Member since Jan 11th 2009
1133 posts
Mon Jun-17-19 11:42 AM

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98. "He sounds trifling + your girl sounds like she was vulnerable/exploitabl..."
In response to Reply # 85
Mon Jun-17-19 11:58 AM by kfine

          

In the sense that she seems to have not been navigating that dynamic as smart (or alert??) as she could be. Just sort of underestimating the meaning/influence/effect of a jealous spouse, unintentionally entertaining shark moves from what appears to be a messy dude, etc.

Thanks for contextualizing with the recent death in her family and her general feelings of loneliness and depression. I think that, plus the way she's affirmed her love and commitment to you/your relationship, are key assurances here. Looking at her behaviour in the context of this (and also how you don't seem keen on ending your relationship), I think she's worth a benefit of the doubt here (although, perhaps just one lol).

The job honestly sounds healthy for her given what she's been feeling recently. It sounds like she's just wanted to fit in, make friends, feel a renewed sense of purpose, do well (which she must be, since you mentioned she passed her necessary certs), etc.. All healthy things for someone who's been feeling cooped up, depressed, and dealing with relationship rockiness and the recent loss of a loved one.

But the downside of that is... in trying to fit in and adjust to a new crowd and life she's kind of slipping a bit in the correct way to manage this particular coworker. If you don't mind me asking, is she fairly young and/or personality-wise kind of impulsive???

Anyway. As a few of us predicted, you communicating was very helpful here. If she was sort of just auto-piloting to fit in at work, your conversation was hopefully the wakeup call she needed to course-correct moving forward.

Tbh, I'm actually most concerned about her being able to sustain and enjoy her new job, lol. If she intends for this job and her friendships there to be sustainable, she's got to see the risk in NOT establishing proper boundaries with this or any dude, ESPECIALLY in the context of a jealous spouse and it bothering you as well. Regularly hanging out with dude(s) one-on-one should not even be an option, especially after hours. She needs to keep it to groups and keep it professional.

But contrary to what you guys agreed on, I'd even go one step further in that if there's going to be an opportunity for you to meet him, maybe you should see if you can push for dude to bring his wife as well. Like meet them as a couple. There's still something that smells a little off to me about the partners (meaning you and his wife) only meeting the coworkers one-on-one. There's still opportunities for a little smoke-and-mirror bullshit there if one partner knows/sees more than the other. And not only is there a lot more vibes to be read from observing the dynamics within and between couples, but it provides your girl more cover if dude truly is as trifling as he sounds. Meaning, your girl is clearly already on the wife's radar too so the more often she only ever sees your girl as part of a stable, ongoing, couple and NOT checking for her man the more it should (hopefully!) diffuse weird energy from their end, and allow your girl to continue enjoying her work and work friendships in peace.

I also wonder whether there's sufficient benefit to having some deep revelatory talk with his wife about the hookah thing... If your girl just tightens up her shit at work moving forward, puts some more boundaries up when it comes to dude, and you guys as a couple only interact with dude and his wife as a couple, I think that should render things stable and sustainable moving forward.

Just my 2 cents though *shrug*

  

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j.
Member since Feb 24th 2009
3819 posts
Mon Jun-17-19 12:56 PM

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104. "the picnic was perfect for that and right on her being vulnerable"
In response to Reply # 98


  

          

low down shark dudes have that radar for sniffing out vulnerable/low self esteem/depressed women and move accordingly

Especially if he's locked down at home, trying to feel free at work and shit

The picnic was a family thing and I couldn't make it so the HH is the next best thing

My thing is dude needs to see that she's not alone, that I'm not the abstract nebulous boyfriend who doesn't really matter cuz he's never seen me

Just shake his hand and look him in the eye "I'm here, and she's with me"

I like the bring the wife along idea

  

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kfine
Member since Jan 11th 2009
1133 posts
Mon Jun-17-19 02:28 PM

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107. "I hear you on everything you wrote."
In response to Reply # 104


          



Good luck!

  

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Mafamaticks
Member since Jan 12th 2004
4136 posts
Mon Jun-17-19 03:00 PM

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112. "Dude know she not alone. He just don't give a fuck"
In response to Reply # 104


  

          

that's why he was ghost during the happy hour.

If he smart you ain't ever gonna meet him

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62999 posts
Mon Jun-17-19 04:04 PM

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118. "or he was there.. lol. "
In response to Reply # 112


          

women be shady as shit.

shut up already, damn

  

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FLUIDJ
Member since Sep 18th 2002
41620 posts
Tue Jun-18-19 05:53 AM

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121. "Dude prob rolled through on the low, peeped J and bounced...."
In response to Reply # 118


  

          


"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

  

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Amritsar
Member since Jan 18th 2008
29168 posts
Mon Jun-17-19 11:43 AM

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100. "I feel like we're sorely missing a woman's POV here"
In response to Reply # 85


  

          

not your woman's pov


in these comments.

_______________________________________________
"Ran through enough dope for Castro to build schools in Cuba. Teach ya kids how to read and write. And use the Ruger."

  

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kfine
Member since Jan 11th 2009
1133 posts
Mon Jun-17-19 11:50 AM

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102. "I am a woman and I've been all up in this post lol. There's been a few"
In response to Reply # 100


          


of us I think

But you're right, more would be nice

  

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Creole
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Mon Jun-17-19 11:58 AM

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103. "Good for you for speaking up. That's what relationships are all about..."
In response to Reply # 85
Mon Jun-17-19 11:59 AM by Creole

  

          

COMMUNICATION! FEELINGS! TRUST/MISTRUST! COMMUNICATION! and FACTS!

And there's a ton of dudes in here acting like they know for damned sure what their lady is doing when they ain't around or when she's right in their face. Silly mortals! LOL

You spoke up about your feelings of mistrust which is a valid feeling from time to time. Everyone goes through that for various reasons. You pointed out what you thought and felt. She responded and ultimately apologized and offered to take corrective measures because you're more important.

Either you believe that or you don't. Respond accordingly. Either you gon love her or leave her alone. Go forward and show her why you're the choice for her every day of the week.

Best of wishes to you regardless of what you choose in the end.

--- praying for peace, love, and power

  

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squeeg
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Mon Jun-17-19 02:29 PM

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108. "Word to all of that."
In response to Reply # 103


  

          

  

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Damali
Member since Sep 12th 2002
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Mon Jun-17-19 02:44 PM

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110. "i echo this. Bravo for speaking up and out. "
In response to Reply # 103


          

you absolutely made the right decision and would have saved yourself sleepless nights if you'd done it sooner lol

d

  

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Vector
Member since Jan 05th 2006
16192 posts
Tue Jun-18-19 10:39 AM

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136. "You need another conversation"
In response to Reply # 85
Tue Jun-18-19 10:40 AM by Vector

  

          

One that will clear any misunderstandings and layout your future together.

Your last convo put a band-aid over the problem but it seems like there is so much stuff that needs to be aired out and discussed before you can both move on to a healthy relationship.

  

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FLUIDJ
Member since Sep 18th 2002
41620 posts
Tue Jun-18-19 06:05 AM

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122. "Real talk; you got trust issues fam. And they're gonna eat you up"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

and THAT'S what's gonna end your relationship...if you don't get it in check. The only thing you can control is YOU.

All this talk about meeting dude and shaking his hand and having chats with your partner about her actions and what she should be doing are nothing more than wasted energy. You gotta put that energy into figuring out what it is about YOU that's making YOU insecure...and it's not her or her actions. You gotta have a chat with yourself about what YOU can do to improve your confidence and worth in y'alls relationship.



"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62999 posts
Tue Jun-18-19 07:15 AM

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124. "True"
In response to Reply # 122
Tue Jun-18-19 07:16 AM by legsdiamond

          

and if he has legit reasons for not trusting her after an argument it’s also an issue.

Only time I’ve ever been insecure like this was with my ex. My suspicions were correct too.

Wonder if she was dating someone else when they met?

shut up already, damn

  

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FLUIDJ
Member since Sep 18th 2002
41620 posts
Tue Jun-18-19 07:39 AM

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126. "That's the thing...insecurity is only a problem for the person that's in..."
In response to Reply # 124


  

          

>and if he has legit reasons for not trusting her after an
>argument it’s also an issue.
Only two options:
A)Trust her, fall back, and enjoy life with her until a real life confirm-able undeniable infraction occurs.

B)Don't trust her. Keep pressing her, being miserable, always worried, always scared, always on edge, always trying to hard dap every dude that's in her vicinity, always wondering if somebody else is getting her attention more, etc...aka...just wasting her time and his time defeating the purpose of being in a relationship in the first place.

>Only time I’ve ever been insecure like this was with my ex.
>My suspicions were correct too.
Pssht...I got mines until I couldn't get it no more. Not saying I didn't want to put hands on dude, or that I didn't loose sleep...but I def. kept the wheels turning on my own life. Granted this was college days because I BEEN old and washed...but still.

>Wonder if she was dating someone else when they met?
At the end of the day, do it matter though?

"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62999 posts
Tue Jun-18-19 09:27 AM

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130. "Not sure how much college counts"
In response to Reply # 126


          

So much going on it’s real hard to not live life while it’s all going down.

shut up already, damn

  

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Mafamaticks
Member since Jan 12th 2004
4136 posts
Tue Jun-18-19 07:28 AM

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125. "Not for nothing I followed similar advice and y'all know my story"
In response to Reply # 122
Tue Jun-18-19 07:40 AM by Mafamaticks

  

          

you gotta say something. at the very least it draws a line in the sand.

But meeting dude at the happy hour? Fuck that shit.

If I see you I'm cussing you the fuck out and in front of all your bitch ass co-workers with the intention of having to put my hands on you. You not gonna play dumb with me and if you is that dumb then bet gonna keep it professional after that.

  

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j.
Member since Feb 24th 2009
3819 posts
Tue Jun-18-19 08:16 AM

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127. "if my intuition is blinking red and the vibe is off I'm speaking on it"
In response to Reply # 122


  

          

I did, and that was that

I'm moving on. I'm going with option A

She's mentioned other male co-worker's names before in conversation
I didn't get any spidey sense tingling whatsoever

With this particular one, I did

I'm not a caveman. Of course she's gonna talk to dudes at work
I talk to my female co-workers all day
I just happen to draw the line at "let's go out just the two of us"

I literally lost sleep over the energy and vibe I was getting and that's not how I want to live
so I spoke up, we talked it out, and I'm KIM

She said I would have an opportunity to meet dude
I said ok


  

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FLUIDJ
Member since Sep 18th 2002
41620 posts
Tue Jun-18-19 10:25 AM

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133. "Good stuff. What I said was predicated on you speaking your peace & "
In response to Reply # 127


  

          

how you move from then one.
I was pressed for time and kept it short....

>I did, and that was that
>
>I'm moving on. I'm going with option A

Good for you. There's a lot of loving to be enjoyed between now and the unknown.

>She's mentioned other male co-worker's names before in
>conversation
>I didn't get any spidey sense tingling whatsoever
>
>With this particular one, I did
>
>I'm not a caveman. Of course she's gonna talk to dudes at
>work
>I talk to my female co-workers all day
>I just happen to draw the line at "let's go out just the two
>of us"
>
>I literally lost sleep over the energy and vibe I was getting
>and that's not how I want to live
>so I spoke up, we talked it out, and I'm KIM
>
>She said I would have an opportunity to meet dude
>I said ok

^^^this part. Skip that. Meeting dude is nothing but an unnecessary ego stroke at this point. Stroke your partner instead....

"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
11916 posts
Tue Jun-18-19 08:27 AM

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128. "This perspective is harmful, man. It dismisss his feelings, his..."
In response to Reply # 122


          

...instincts, what his "gut" is telling him, small logical things that don't make sense, etc.

In a sense, by one ignoring their feelings what they are doing is not being honest with themselves, which WILL eat a person up from the inside.

Emotions are a guide, not the truth. If he feels like something is off the it probably is, and that's what he's trying to figure out now.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62999 posts
Tue Jun-18-19 09:31 AM

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131. "I don’t think anyone is wrong in this thread"
In response to Reply # 128


          

All options are open for discussion when you get that feeling.

shut up already, damn

  

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FLUIDJ
Member since Sep 18th 2002
41620 posts
Tue Jun-18-19 10:31 AM

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134. "Peep my post 133... wasn't dismissing his feelings..."
In response to Reply # 128


  

          

>...instincts, what his "gut" is telling him, small logical
>things that don't make sense, etc.
>
>In a sense, by one ignoring their feelings what they are doing
>is not being honest with themselves, which WILL eat a person
>up from the inside.

It's the everything after...all the theatrics BEYOND expressing how he's feeling to his partner and moving on. All the talk about meeting the coworker, and asking her to set boundaries and asking her to think about her behavior and actions etc... that's all wasted energy and time on his part. It doesn't feed the relationship. It doesn't do anything beyond adding fuels to the flames of insecurity.

>Emotions are a guide, not the truth. If he feels like
>something is off the it probably is, and that's what he's
>trying to figure out now.

This where the trust comes into play. He can (A)trust her and keep building with her. Or he can (B)refuse to trust her and tear himself apart. To do (A) is gonna require he work on himself. To do (B) is gonna require him putting energy into trying to control other people...wouldn't you say that's a waste of energy?

"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
11916 posts
Tue Jun-18-19 02:33 PM

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140. "Personally, I prefer both A & a version of B at the same time"
In response to Reply # 134


          

A. Work on yourself
B. Get away from the negative energy (unfortunately, the S.O.)


I agree, trying to control other people is a futile effort, which is why I'm the "leave her" guy. I've been in the same situation a few times, and in the end I realized that I felt better alone to work on myself rather than in a relationship that put a dark cloud over my head *that I wasn't in control of*

The feeling of not trusting your S.O. truly sucks, and is something that I would not put up with for any length of time (anymore). One of the biggest problems is the self-doubt that it causes because you feel one way, think another, while other people are telling you that you are crazy. Erodes self-confidence and trust.

But yeah, trying to control other people is a futile effort. Directing anger at the other guy is a waste of energy as well.

  

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Creole
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Tue Jun-18-19 03:04 PM

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141. "One of the other problems is having people in your corner who would..."
In response to Reply # 140
Tue Jun-18-19 03:06 PM by Creole

  

          

>The feeling of not trusting your S.O. truly sucks, and is
>something that I would not put up with for any length of time
>(anymore). One of the biggest problems is the self-doubt that
>it causes because you feel one way, think another, while other
>people are telling you that you are crazy. Erodes
>self-confidence and trust.

tell you that you're crazy for wanting to be with someone who has cheated on you. Other peoples' opinions are seemingly what's helping to erode self-confidence and the type of trust needed to be in a relationship.

Cuz believe me... They done cheated and done been cheated on too. Physical or emotional. And keep in mind that emotional affair does not necessarily have to be with someone of the opposite sex. Obviously, it's just like the physical in that anybody can get it.

You'll find, if you haven't already, people that tell you to not include everyone in your personal affairs. Anyone that would tell you that you're crazy, for loving someone and being vulnerable, is delusional and has their own issues to deal with. You don;t need 'em in your circle and definitely not close enough to know your business. Everyone has been hurt and has to deal with managing those feelings. being told that you're crazy, by someone that you trust, is equally as detrimental. All that matters is what you, the other adult, and the both of you choose to do in the end.

PHUCK OTHA PEOPLE!

--- praying for peace, love, and power

  

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tariqhu
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Tue Jun-18-19 09:21 AM

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129. "he had valid reasons to bring this up to her."
In response to Reply # 122


          

this isn't insecurity. he saw/felt something and spoke on it. he needs to be able to express that to her as he did.

from this post, he seems like he handled it in a reasonable manner. now its really a wait and see game to see if she holds true to her side.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

  

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Creole
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Tue Jun-18-19 09:56 AM

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132. "Check the S/O; not the person they are SUPPOSEDLY cheating with..."
In response to Reply # 122


  

          

>All this talk about meeting dude and shaking his hand and having chats with your partner about her actions and what she should be doing are nothing more than wasted energy.

Anything else is doing way too much.

--- praying for peace, love, and power

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62999 posts
Tue Jun-18-19 10:36 AM

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135. "I hate when dudes want to fight because their girl cheated"
In response to Reply # 132


          

You are mad at the wrong person.

shut up already, damn

  

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Mafamaticks
Member since Jan 12th 2004
4136 posts
Tue Jun-18-19 11:11 AM

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137. "lol it be the principle though"
In response to Reply # 135


  

          

whatever the fuck principle mean at that moment

  

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Creole
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Tue Jun-18-19 11:37 AM

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138. "And then they double down & tell the lady who she can or can't speak to...."
In response to Reply # 135


  

          

If you gotta do all of that, the relationship ain't for you at that moment.

Person A should do what they believe is best for their relationship with Person B if Person B is important enough to them.

Person B should not attempt to control Person A since that may bring about resentment and, as said above, is a waste of energy.

You can't go around checkin people because they do you dirty,. You voice your feelings and/or the facts. Then if you care enough, you observe to see if changes are made for the best interest of the relationship. If you don't care enough, you kick rocks and deal with the pain of being hurt by someone you allowed to intimately build with you.


Saying, "It's hurtful to me for you to talk to or plan to spend time with guys whom I don't know" is COMPLETELY different from saying, "You better not talk to that nukka again or..."

--- praying for peace, love, and power

  

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Mori
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Wed Jun-19-19 06:10 PM

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149. "The End"
In response to Reply # 122


          

Thank you grown man for bringing emotional intelligence into this whole discussion.

Rise & Shine
Thrive & Grind
Heart & Mind

  

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GOMEZ
Member since Feb 13th 2003
5097 posts
Tue Jun-18-19 03:39 PM

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142. "this thread makes me miss Maury, Sally Jesse, Jenny Jones, Jerry..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

they woulda had J. and his girl on the couch working through their issues, then *SURPRISE* Let's meet her work boyfriend! and it woulda been Rude Jude or something.

Late 90's/Early aughts... being hungover/stoned and watching them shit shows is a memory i weirdly cherish.


https://www.instagram.com/sbmission365/

In a generation of swine, the one-eyed pig is king.
-Hunter S. Thompson

  

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Trinity444
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40203 posts
Tue Jun-18-19 09:07 PM

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143. "damn..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

can’t recall. did you get married?

  

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j.
Member since Feb 24th 2009
3819 posts
Wed Jun-19-19 08:43 AM

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146. "No"
In response to Reply # 143


  

          

I'm divorced, this is a totally new relationship

  

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Trinity444
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Wed Jun-19-19 05:55 PM

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147. "good.."
In response to Reply # 146


  

          

If it we’re me...

I wouldn’t say anything to her...I would to him! his response will determine if I stay in the relationship. Something like this, (situation) is a serious matter to me.






  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62999 posts
Wed Jun-19-19 06:01 PM

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148. "Do you put on Vaseline before you meet the other woman? "
In response to Reply # 147


          

Why are you approaching her when it’s your man who is in a relationship with you?

shut up already, damn

  

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Trinity444
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Wed Jun-19-19 06:17 PM

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150. "you read it wrong..."
In response to Reply # 148


  

          

I’m speaking as if I was in the situation



  

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tariqhu
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Thu Jun-20-19 09:10 AM

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153. "it reads like you're"
In response to Reply # 150


          

approaching the outside person rather than addressing the SO.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62999 posts
Thu Jun-20-19 09:18 AM

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154. "Ok. I get it now. "
In response to Reply # 150


          

You type funny.

shut up already, damn

  

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