"Women of OKP, how pervasive is mansplaining in your life?"
My wife is in graphic design and works for the creative dept of a small international company.
She was venting to me that a few of her male co-workers all have the annoying habit of mansplaining whatever topic is being talked about. They'll discuss a project and the male leads will reiterate the same points to her or another woman working on it, on things that is already a standard practice for the company.
She says I do it too, I'm not really sure how to curve it because, I think I am just trying to be thorough.
¿If a fat guy falls in the woods and there is no one around to see it, do the trees laugh?
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79554 posts
Mon Mar-18-19 01:48 PM
2. "Woman of okp... lol " In response to Reply # 0
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79554 posts
Mon Mar-18-19 02:03 PM
6. "Haha... why you explaining shit? " In response to Reply # 3
Let them ask and don’t make eye contact when answering.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79554 posts
Mon Mar-18-19 02:54 PM
11. "Are you explains shit she already knows? " In response to Reply # 7
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
without saying much. they don't always want an explanation. just want to tell you what's happening as they see it. I working on this myself. its more art than science.
we're trying to be helpful when they aint really ask for it.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79554 posts
Mon Mar-18-19 04:09 PM
15. "Just don’t say shit" In response to Reply # 13
and wait to see how that goes down.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
4. "Not as prevalent in my life" In response to Reply # 0
Primarily because my industry has a lot of women so we are thankfully shielded from a lot of the fuckery that goes on in male-dominated industries.
That said, I did call out a friend of mine for mansplaining to me while having drinks recently and he immediately got defensive. It was almost like he felt that his gayness prevented him from trafficking in male privilege. I promptly reminded him that it didn't.
10. "I mans-plain everything to EVERYONE" In response to Reply # 0
> They'll discuss a project and the male >leads will reiterate the same points to her or another woman >working on it, on things that is already a standard practice >for the company.
I literally do this for everything with EVERYONE - male or female.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79554 posts
Mon Mar-18-19 02:56 PM
12. "Your white tho... it’s what y’all do. " In response to Reply # 10
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
I want so badly to believe a messageboard dominated by (black) men could be a respectful space for discussion about real life topics but, sadly, yall disappoint on a regular basis.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79554 posts
Tue Mar-19-19 08:01 AM
26. "Man, more than likely both of you are correct" In response to Reply # 21
the problem is when you don’t explain shit she will get upset because you left her exposed.
I had a friend who dated a woman who used to tell him he was too quick to intervene when guys she went to school with would push up on her out in public. Then we go out and she gets mad my my friend for not intervening when a guy pushed up on her out in public.
They want you to know when... but only when they want you to...
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
29. "This is why I opened the question to women. " In response to Reply # 26
I do think that some men cannot understand where women come from.
I probably will never understand what it is like to be a woman, all of the dangers, insecurities, double standards, and pressures they face. Not to say there are only negative aspects of being a woman, but a definitely agree woman face it more.
Because if I am not recognizing when I do, I think there are more men who don't or know how to recognize when it happens.
¿If a fat guy falls in the woods and there is no one around to see it, do the trees laugh?
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79554 posts
Tue Mar-19-19 09:11 AM
36. "OKP ain’t got no women Tommy!! - Martin" In response to Reply # 29
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
Your wife doesn’t want your logic and reasoning. She just wants you to agree with her and then a day or 2 later she will come around to the logical conclusion but first she wants to vent and you better be on her side.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
31. "I think the complaints are valid, but the term is dumb" In response to Reply # 18 Tue Mar-19-19 08:42 AM by flipnile
Two types:
1. Jumping into their conversation trying to insert your opinion when it isn't wanted
2. Trying to explain some shit that they don't really care about
The term is propaganda tho. Taking what is basically lack of social awareness, making it a very negative trait and applying the behaviour (by language) to only a specific group.
24. "At this point I just keep my answers super basic" In response to Reply # 0
Especially at work.
You got a question? I'll give you the most simplest answer I can come up with my in my head. If you get it, good. If you still don't understand then you can ask me to explain it more and I will.
Minimal effort.
================= Official Okay-Super Villainâ„¢
I only play the games that I win at - Gamertag: Innovator PSN: DurtyGambino Steam: Durty Gambino Twitch.tv/durtygambino
28. "I work in academia and male professors do it all of the time" In response to Reply # 0 Tue Mar-19-19 08:24 AM by afrogirl_lost
Even junior ones. Even some of my male grad students do it. They also take up way too much space in class conversations, conferences, and pretty much every where. Checking them is exhausting, but I do it because mansplaining makes the academic experience tense and unfulfilling.
Stopping mansplaining is all about acknowledging your privilege. It's about saying to yourself is my voice really needed? Have I given the less privileged people in the room an opportunity to participate? Is my perspective necessary to complete this task or do others have more expertise? Why do I feel the need to dominate this conversation? Are my ideas adding to this process? Men are just used to having their voices elevated above others and it's horrible.
The first thing you can do is to stop always being the first, second, or third person to speak in a room full of people (particularly if there are women in the room). Allow them to speak first and then honestly assess if the comment that you want to make will add to the discussion. Then decide if your comment is valid, needed, or do you simply want to say something. Start checking your tone when speaking to women. Men have this way of speaking to women like children. It's like condescending with a hint of amusement. I'm an expert in my field and still have male academics explaining rudimentary historical concepts to me like I'm first year undergrad. Men do this to highly competent women all the time, and it's so insulting.
32. "This is what I find difficult to recognize. Especially in yourself." In response to Reply # 28
> >The first thing you can do is to stop always being the first, >second, or third person to speak in a room full of people >(particularly if there are women in the room). Allow them to >speak first and then honestly assess if the comment that you >want to make will add to the discussion. Then decide if your >comment is valid, needed, or do you simply want to say >something. Start checking your tone when speaking to women. >Men have this way of speaking to women like children. It's >like condescending with a hint of amusement. I'm an expert in >my field and still have male academics explaining rudimentary >historical concepts to me like I'm first year undergrad. Men >do this to highly competent women all the time, and it's so >insulting.
I do not feel I do something like this intentionally, to be honest I feel like I address men and women on things the same.
How have you addressed it in your professional circles, compared to your social circles?
¿If a fat guy falls in the woods and there is no one around to see it, do the trees laugh?
45. "I tell them every time " In response to Reply # 32 Tue Mar-19-19 10:59 AM by afrogirl_lost
they do it at work. Luckily, I have some cool male colleagues who also point it out. It's been a bit more difficult in my personal life. My husband got really annoyed when I first started pointing it out to him, but he's slowly learned when he's doing it and stops himself. The last time we discussed it, he said "I try to stop mainspring because I want you to feel how much I respect you."
Would you say mansplaining happens more often when men become part of a conversation (jumping in) or be in a conversation and then hit a topic and start mansplaining?
¿If a fat guy falls in the woods and there is no one around to see it, do the trees laugh?
54. "I’ve experienced both pretty much equally " In response to Reply # 53
>Would you say mansplaining happens more often when men become >part of a conversation (jumping in) or be in a conversation >and then hit a topic and start mansplaining? > > The first example tends to happen more at work. The latter in my personal interactions with men.
34. "I hear you but the truth is folks are rewarded for speaking up" In response to Reply # 28
My biggest professional challenge is I don't talk enough in group settings. Because a.) I only speak up if I have something to contribute on a topic I think I have insight on and b.) I won't speak up if someone else has already covered what I would say. I pride myself on being a good listener. I do very well in one on one settings. Everyone comes into my office to unload. I get all the secrets.
It kind of works for me but I have been encouraged more and more from different people to speak up in the group setting. So I have decided to do more presentations and put myself on the agenda to talk about stuff I think other folks need to hear about. I spoke on a panel the other day and a former boss was there and he was like, Wow this is a whole nother side of you.
I think Mainsplaining is bigger than men. The women who do well in corporate or similar environments also talk alot and more than is necessary. My wife who does extremely well professionally can talk for the sake of talking. She also does well professionally because she knows when to turn it off and listen to more senior people.
I give the advice to people in school all the time, you better speak up in class because it can directly affect your grade (my trio of advice I give students to improve their grades without working harder is a.) speak up in class b.) go to office hours and c.) challenge your grade when you think it's merited).
Maybe there are these feminine spaces where there is a different energy and everyone listens and doesn't try to mainsplain but I imagine that these spaces are smaller and when they reach a certain size there will be a natural tendency for a person (male or female) to start dominating the conversation....unless they are too obnoxious and then they get kicked out.
>Even junior ones. Even some of my male grad students do it. >They also take up way too much space in class conversations, >conferences, and pretty much every where. Checking them is >exhausting, but I do it because mansplaining makes the >academic experience tense and unfulfilling. > >Stopping mansplaining is all about acknowledging your >privilege. It's about saying to yourself is my voice really >needed? Have I given the less privileged people in the room an >opportunity to participate? Is my perspective necessary to >complete this task or do others have more expertise? Why do I >feel the need to dominate this conversation? Are my ideas >adding to this process? Men are just used to having their >voices elevated above others and it's horrible. > >The first thing you can do is to stop always being the first, >second, or third person to speak in a room full of people >(particularly if there are women in the room). Allow them to >speak first and then honestly assess if the comment that you >want to make will add to the discussion. Then decide if your >comment is valid, needed, or do you simply want to say >something. Start checking your tone when speaking to women. >Men have this way of speaking to women like children. It's >like condescending with a hint of amusement. I'm an expert in >my field and still have male academics explaining rudimentary >historical concepts to me like I'm first year undergrad. Men >do this to highly competent women all the time, and it's so >insulting.
********** "Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson
40. "Assuming you have to explain shit to people when you talk to them" In response to Reply # 35
In my opinion.
We all talk to people like this all the time. I am not sure whether a lot of women who complain about it know that these types do it to other men as well.
********** "Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson
49. "You don't know what somebody does or doesn't already know" In response to Reply # 47
That's where it's a thin line
Information/technology/company policies/etc can change by the hour, it's probably not a good idea to assume everyone knows everything you do and vice versa
R.I.P. Loud But Wrong Guy Dec 29th 2009 - Dec 17th 2017
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79554 posts
Tue Mar-19-19 12:50 PM
51. "She wants niggas to read my sig" In response to Reply # 43
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
46. "I get paid to teach/coach so explaining things is kind of what I do" In response to Reply # 0
If you're over talking people, being dismissive, jumping into conversations or just plain don't know what the fuck you're talking about and expect women (or anyone else for that matter) to listen to you as some type authority then ya that's a problem.
I had an ex- girlfriend who accused me of this whenever I didn't agree with her on something and started providing examples counter to what she was claiming.
R.I.P. Loud But Wrong Guy Dec 29th 2009 - Dec 17th 2017
50. "RE: I get paid to teach/coach so explaining things is kind of what I do" In response to Reply # 46
>I had an ex- girlfriend who accused me of this whenever I >didn't agree with her on something and started providing >examples counter to what she was claiming.
Sounds like that was an excuse for "Ain't nobody trying to hear that shit!" but wasn't trying to exactly say it like that. At least its an ex though, now YOU don't have to listen to that shit no more.
================= Official Okay-Super Villainâ„¢
I only play the games that I win at - Gamertag: Innovator PSN: DurtyGambino Steam: Durty Gambino Twitch.tv/durtygambino
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