"Should I tell my situationship about my recent miscarriage?"
Started seeing a guy over the last six months. No labels, definitions or obligations as we were figuring out this romantic situation. He and I both enjoy each other. I was sexually exclusive with him for 6-7 months.
Then I hooked up with an old flame, unprotected, and got pregnant. I was pretty sure I was going to terminate the pregnancy, but ended up having a miscarriage.
I went MIA for a month and told my situationship that we should take a break. He was really taken a back. But I was an emotional and physical mess.
He is still expressing interest. So one part of me wants to tell him, out of respect that he has trust issues with women. A part of me feels like this is so personal and it doesn't involve him.
4. "now is the time to decide what y’all doing..." In response to Reply # 0
like. if he’s the one. If he’s not, I wouldn’t bring up that part of what happened but, I would tell him that I sleep with other people. In your kind of relationships there should always be checkpoints.
5. "Good point. I played the good time girl role" In response to Reply # 4 Thu Feb-07-19 08:44 AM by Mori
And I really didn't have a long term vision for our relationship. So the pregnancy /miscarriage was a big blow to my carefree situation.
I don't expect my partners to fully disclose every detail beyond the "Let's get tested" convo. But I realized, I don't know what he would want to know of someone he is having sex with beyond STDs.
Also I felt like I was the one dealing with the emotional impact of multiple partners and just decided to put all of the men in my life on pause or exit.
I have no desire to have sex or even be intimate with anyone since this all went down.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79586 posts
Thu Feb-07-19 09:24 AM
8. "Wait. You aren’t having sex with him right now due to this?" In response to Reply # 5
Hell to the naw.
Don’t say shit.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79586 posts
Thu Feb-07-19 10:53 AM
16. "Gotcha. Wasn’t sure how long ago it happened " In response to Reply # 11
and I have no clue how long it takes medically so please know I wasn’t trying to be insensitive..
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79586 posts
Thu Feb-07-19 09:22 AM
7. "This could go really wrong" In response to Reply # 0
If i was the guy I damn sure wouldn’t want to know unless we were putting “EVERYTHING” on the table and planned on making a run at a LTR.
It’s none of his business what you did with someone else and I don’t think it you should make it his business unless you want him to do the same.
If he told you he had a seed on the side would you be cool with it?
The real issue is it was the ex. As soon as I hear ex I’m thinking this dude can slide thru raw dog at any time.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
>The real issue is it was the ex. As soon as I hear ex I’m >thinking this dude can slide thru raw dog at any time.
Even if he forgives and wants to continue, cot damn this would be in the back of my mind all the time. Unprotected sex other partners was a big concern of mine and then the pregnancy thing on top of that would be so rough. But I'm speaking for myself.
I'm not one for hiding shit, but I almost feel like if she really wants a long term relationship or possibly more with this dude maybe its better to just leave it alone. Or you could just throw it all out on the table and hope he respects the honesty. Me, I probably wouldn't want to know to avoid it popping up in my head at times.
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12. "Didn't think about that part" In response to Reply # 7
I guess that is a correct assumption. The old flame and I never used condoms and we always left the door open since we are both not in solid relationships.
But after this ordeal, the old flame and I agreed to end our seasonal hookups.
13. "He viewed us as a little more than a hook up" In response to Reply # 10
It wasn't purely booty call sex, but it wasn't let's declare our commitment. He did mention once that if we choose to hook up with other people, we don't have to share the details but asked the I use a condom.
This whole scenario is a strong argument for monogamy or celibacy. I used to enjoy multiple partners. Now it is just a headache.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79586 posts
Thu Feb-07-19 10:52 AM
15. "You broke the rule of your agreement" In response to Reply # 13
I would be furious if I really was into you.
If it was never going to be more than a booty call than it may be a shrug to him
Who knows... but he damn sure wouldn’t know if it were up to me.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
19. "Yes I did break the agreement" In response to Reply # 15
That alone is why I think I considered sharing it with him, or as someone else mentioned, just ending it while it is still early.
The sad part is after all the time apart, he shared that he isn't really into casual encounters. I wish we discussed this early in the relationship. One of the big reasons, I even hooked up with the ex, was because I thought the other guy wasn't going to amount to anything anyway.
20. "Needed this compassionate response" In response to Reply # 18
I was feeling guilty about this. Almost like I cheated. Truthfully, until he reached out and shared that he was interested, I'd basically chalked up my experience to the friends with benefits code.
The reality is that as I get older, casual hookups seem to have far greater consequences, not just STD's and pregnancy. But emotional and energetic consequences. We both didn't want to close off our options, yet had feelings for each other beyond sex.
I am at a point of when I do start dating again, I want one person who I can be open and honest with and not feel as if I need to have outside peen to balance out the uncertainty.
14. "if I were the guy, i would want to know" In response to Reply # 0
if he is still expressing interest, i think its only fair to be completely honest with him and give him the opportunity to decide whether or not he can handle your truth and still pursue something.
what would happen if things become serious between the two of you and you told him months, or years down the line? If he already has trust issues with women, that could just make it worse.
he may or may not be able to deal with what you tell him, but at least give him that choice to make the decision.
Or.. you could just break it off with him completely..
21. "Yes. Tell him. If he runs, he runs. It's his decision." In response to Reply # 0
I don't like finding out things later that change my perspective on past events. If you don't tell him and things get serious then that omission might come back to haunt the relationship.
as I've cosigned on some points that may not be considering where you might be at personally in terms of your "situationship"(brilliant term..I'm old but this is a thing/term? coin it if it's not).. if you want his love and support and to possibly move beyond situationship share... if you want to maintain then best not to. but be honest with yourself. maybe you just need to process more 1st. I honestly can't imagine what you've been through but having found my end game at great risk and expense it was and is worth walking through the fire imo.
29. "Always wore protection with situationship" In response to Reply # 28
Plus the timing made it impossible. It had been some time since situation and I had sex. Old flame was really a quick hit. Cant believe I got pregnant so fast in such a short period of time. Feel like a teenager.
Yeah I have decided not to tell. We both should have been more forthcoming about our feelings. We are too grown to hide behind the friends with benefits cloak. It hurt me physically and will only disappoint him. Better for us to move on.
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