Printer-friendly copy Email this topic to a friend
Lobby General Discussion topic #13298692

Subject: "Overdraft fees basically just FUCKED my friend who is poor" Previous topic | Next topic
handle
Charter member
17149 posts
Fri Nov-23-18 12:37 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
"Overdraft fees basically just FUCKED my friend who is poor"


          

I have a friend on a fixed income whose SSI check posted a little late last month and because he has "overdraft protection" he's been hit with about $2200 in "service fees."

Needless to say his $900 rent check didn't go through. I unless we can stop his next direct deposit from going in he'll lose another $900.

He does not remember opting into "over draft protection" and I am going to help him look at how the fees occurred and try to get the bank to reverse the fees if possible.

I'm basically going to cover the difference for him if we can get it to a "reasonable' state where all money he actually spent is paid.

(I don't know how it got this high, I'll bet it is that they were holding money back to cover the initial overdraft and his usual grocery shopping/fast food/online stuff all hit a $35 fee and continued until he actually went in the bank to withdraw some money and they told him that a month's worth of transactions have incurred the fee. I'm asking him to pull records so we can calculate it)

But it's very likely we'll have to get him another bank account and close that one. and this is a credit union.

Who in their right mind would opt-in for overdraft "protection?"

Question: Anyone have experience/suggestions on with how to deal with this? I know he's FUCKED - but i want to minimize the amount of fuckage.





------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top


Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
damn. that’s high...
Nov 23rd 2018
1
$2200 in fees? Or he owes $2200?
Nov 23rd 2018
2
It’s $36 and if you have OP I think it’s only $12.50
Nov 23rd 2018
6
I don't know who he banks with
Nov 23rd 2018
3
Also, do NOT call the bank as your friend
Nov 23rd 2018
4
I don't know the answer yet
Nov 23rd 2018
8
A whole month of purchases?
Nov 23rd 2018
5
Checking daily is CRUCIAL
Nov 23rd 2018
7
They may have paid items that cleared his account and charged fees
Nov 23rd 2018
9
They usually do unless you are a habitual line stepper.
Nov 23rd 2018
11
You're a good friend
Nov 23rd 2018
10
+1000
Nov 28th 2018
30
Open a NEW account ASAP, and get that SSI sent via PAPER CHECK TOO
Nov 23rd 2018
12
SSA has phased out paper checks. He can get a Direct Express Pay Card
Nov 23rd 2018
13
2200 in fees? impossible. The bank would close the account before that h...
Nov 26th 2018
14
Right? Dude hit him with the sob story
Nov 26th 2018
21
Credit union. Some places are really really good with this sort of stuff...
Nov 26th 2018
15
Update: Radio silence from my friend
Nov 26th 2018
16
well go check on him
Nov 26th 2018
17
      I will call him this afternoon
Nov 26th 2018
18
           Damn. Dude literally sleeps on his finances.
Nov 26th 2018
19
                https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder
Nov 26th 2018
20
                     Word
Nov 26th 2018
22
                     you're a solid friend... respect.
Nov 26th 2018
23
                          Update - he could not stop the SSI payment
Nov 26th 2018
24
                               aww that sucks..
Nov 26th 2018
25
                               If you call the bank it's likely that a good chunk of the overdraft
Nov 27th 2018
26
                               I was thinking you could fight a big portion of those fees.
Nov 27th 2018
28
                               He should be able to change it to another bank so that he doesn't hurt.....
Nov 27th 2018
27
                                    Is courtesy pay when they cover you but add fees to every purchase?
Nov 28th 2018
31
                                         Yup! And they'll pay it up to a certain amount. One buddy of mine gets.....
Nov 28th 2018
32
                                              Yeah. We have something similar but it’s linked to a credit card
Nov 28th 2018
34
                                                   That's smart! USAA offers it but I don't have any of their credit cards....
Nov 28th 2018
35
Banks make a sizable about of their income on penalty fees.
Nov 27th 2018
29
Big banks rack up $6.4 billion in ATM and overdraft fees
Nov 28th 2018
33
      Yessir I remember reading that earlier this year
Dec 18th 2018
49
I finally got to look at some of his bank records.....
Dec 18th 2018
36
A lot of banks default to overdraft protection when you open a new accou...
Dec 18th 2018
38
wow, man
Dec 18th 2018
39
No, landlord is a weirdo who rents to poor people
Dec 18th 2018
40
Once Again, I don't know who he banks with
Dec 18th 2018
45
this sound like some Bank of America BS....
Dec 18th 2018
37
A 27 dollar deal for a $1 soda?
Dec 18th 2018
41
RE: A 27 dollar deal for a $1 soda?
Dec 18th 2018
42
      youre a better man than i could ever be
Dec 18th 2018
43
Another update: Dude did not open a new bank account today
Dec 18th 2018
44
Honestly, sorta sounds like you've done enough.
Dec 18th 2018
46
Your compassion and commitment to your friend is remarkable
Dec 18th 2018
47
Some save em, he don’t wanna be saved
Dec 18th 2018
48
Get new friends.
Dec 19th 2018
51
      I have family like this
Dec 19th 2018
52
you're a good friend but unless he's willing to give you some sort of...
Dec 19th 2018
50
Another update
Dec 21st 2018
53
He never opened that account?
Dec 21st 2018
54
      No idea
Dec 21st 2018
55
           Update: He did open the account ..but....
Dec 26th 2018
56
More updates (more for my stress relief)
Jan 17th 2019
57
Han, youre amazing (no snark).
Jan 17th 2019
58
him blowing $600 without paying any towards rent? Handle
Jan 17th 2019
59
^Yeah
Jan 17th 2019
62
      Seems life may be working out for them the way they want it to right now...
Jan 17th 2019
64
      RE: ^Yeah
Jan 17th 2019
68
Either let that dude move in with you
Jan 17th 2019
60
No..dont let him move in...ever
Jan 17th 2019
65
GET SOME NEW FRIENDS,, WTF!!!!
Jan 17th 2019
61
this is a lot bruh
Jan 17th 2019
63
maybe he misunderstood when someone told him to handle his ish
Jan 17th 2019
66
I'd never set foot in homeboy's place again, and it would be a while
Jan 17th 2019
67
I'm convinced there's more to this story than you're telling, like these...
Jan 17th 2019
69
Damn
Jan 17th 2019
70
I wondered the same thing (jokingly)
Jan 17th 2019
71
right its got to be either murder or sex involved lol
Jan 18th 2019
74
They are old friends
Jan 17th 2019
72
      so they have you on VHS dressed as boy george
Jan 17th 2019
73
Fam, I'm understand your compassion and loyalty BUT,
Jan 18th 2019
75
Hopefully final update for now
Jan 18th 2019
76
DO all you can within BOUNDARIES and do not waver.
Jan 18th 2019
77
Friend 2 is out now
Jan 24th 2019
78
I guess it’s hard to say no to friends.
Jan 24th 2019
79
* waiver.
Jan 25th 2019
80
      That too
Feb 12th 2019
89
           This is hilarious comin from YOU!
Apr 21st 2019
101
                yeah. I think I have a problem.... lol
Apr 22nd 2019
114
life comes at you fast
Jan 25th 2019
81
Yeah
Jan 25th 2019
82
      the ground is lava
Feb 13th 2019
93
Off topic, I didn’t realize you lived in San Diego
Jan 25th 2019
83
More updates (venting)
Feb 12th 2019
84
Dude is back on your couch?
Feb 12th 2019
85
DAMN! This reminds me of a dude I worked with a couple years ago. He,...
Feb 12th 2019
86
      This sounds like the homeless folks at the shelter I used to manage
Feb 12th 2019
88
           not funny but funny lol...
Feb 12th 2019
90
           Had one dude who always wore a suit and was extremely articulate
Feb 12th 2019
91
           The cat reeked of alcohol on many days. Not knocking his issue...
Feb 13th 2019
92
not to be annoying by bringing up...
Feb 12th 2019
87
Friendship over with dude on the couch
Apr 20th 2019
94
He'll tear through that little $55K by December
Apr 20th 2019
95
My jaw is on the floor.
Apr 20th 2019
96
Get your money and NEVER LOOK BACK.
Apr 20th 2019
97
^^^^^
Apr 21st 2019
98
      That dude was never his friend. He just didn't know it.
Apr 22nd 2019
104
           ^^I think he was no longer a real friend
Apr 22nd 2019
105
                If y'all are no longer cool/friends, why do you care what others...
Apr 22nd 2019
107
                Dude, you're acting like to enjoy the drama.
Apr 22nd 2019
108
Damn. Any friend that makes you feel guilty for wanting to be repaid
Apr 21st 2019
99
This can't really be understated.
Apr 21st 2019
102
      I will admit
Apr 22nd 2019
103
           Yea it's wild.
Apr 22nd 2019
109
           This:
Apr 22nd 2019
110
                I knew a dude in college who hit a parked car
Apr 22nd 2019
111
                     This sounds like a Seinfeld epsiode
Apr 22nd 2019
112
                          He also tried to walk a kitten on a leash like a dog
Apr 22nd 2019
113
Once he comes back, don't take him back.
Apr 21st 2019
100
a small price to pay for his true character to be revealed to you
Apr 22nd 2019
106
Dude on couch update
Jul 11th 2020
117
More updates to vent (How can you be a friend to someone like this?)
Aug 05th 2019
115
You know who he is... so you can’t blame him for being him
Aug 05th 2019
116
More Drama/updates
Apr 04th 2021
118
      your friend sounds exhausting
Apr 05th 2021
119
           FUCKING A!
Apr 05th 2021
120
           He's a fucking loser
Apr 05th 2021
121
                No wonder Handle been snappin lately
Apr 06th 2021
122
                     he should have cut him loose years ago
Apr 06th 2021
127
All of this feels like a plot to a second rate Christopher Nolan film...
Apr 06th 2021
123
Looking over this thread.... they are probably "losers'' now
Apr 06th 2021
124
I think being a loser is intentionally using friends
Apr 06th 2021
126
so now your rationalizing..whoo boy
Apr 06th 2021
128
      He cares about his friends.
Apr 06th 2021
129
      hmm.. I dont think the labels are that important
Apr 06th 2021
136
           I re-read that, and honestly, I was projecting my own shit into this. yo...
Apr 07th 2021
137
           daps. agree 100%
Apr 07th 2021
139
           true shit..
Apr 07th 2021
138
      you see it
Apr 06th 2021
130
           BEEN seen it
Apr 06th 2021
131
                its that white mass shooter response “where did it all go wrong?”
Apr 06th 2021
132
                     Hey - this response kind of says a lot about you?
Apr 06th 2021
133
                          does he have any supportive family?
Apr 06th 2021
134
                          lmao
Apr 06th 2021
135
At this point, any stress he causes you is your fault.
Apr 06th 2021
125
Man this post went from all of saying, Yeah Big Banks are F'd up
Apr 07th 2021
140
      banks are shitty when it comes to late fees
Apr 07th 2021
141

Trinity444
Charter member
41511 posts
Fri Nov-23-18 01:25 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
1. "damn. that’s high..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

PimpTrickGangstaClik
Member since Oct 06th 2005
15251 posts
Fri Nov-23-18 03:54 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
2. "$2200 in fees? Or he owes $2200?"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

$2200 in fees seems extremely high. I thought it was like $40 per overdrawn transaction? We're there like 50 things getting paid all at the same time or am I misunderstanding

_______________________________________
You ain't the only one whose got problems. You ain't the only one who knows pain. Get up off your ass and just solve them. You still got a chance to try to change, try the shit again.
Devin tha Dude

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Fri Nov-23-18 04:09 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
6. "It’s $36 and if you have OP I think it’s only $12.50"
In response to Reply # 2


          

and its usually connected to a credit card.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

Adwhizz
Member since Nov 12th 2003
40203 posts
Fri Nov-23-18 03:56 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy listClick to send message via AOL IM
3. "I don't know who he banks with"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

But is the bank actually referring to it as "overdraft protection" or is that what your friend is calling it.

Most banks offer an option where you can turn on an "advance" feature thru your debit card where in some cases your bank will allow transactions to go through for more money than you actually have available, however you would have to pay a fee for each item that posts against a negative balance

That CAN work out in the customers favor if they use it properly (make ONE large ATM withdrawal to od your account and spend cash for the month, this way you only get hit with the fee ONCE instead of making a bunch of small purchases while you're overdrawn and racking up fees)

I'm curious over what time period your friend managed to rack up 2K in OD fees, most banks limit the amount of overdraft fees you can get per day.

When you/your friend calls find out how/when he turned on that feature, he might have been prompted to turn it on while signing into online banking.

R.I.P. Loud But Wrong Guy
Dec 29th 2009 - Dec 17th 2017

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
Adwhizz
Member since Nov 12th 2003
40203 posts
Fri Nov-23-18 03:59 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy listClick to send message via AOL IM
4. "Also, do NOT call the bank as your friend"
In response to Reply # 3


  

          

or try to help them get thru the initial verification when they call in.

This usually results in their profile being locked and then having to come into their Bank in person.

R.I.P. Loud But Wrong Guy
Dec 29th 2009 - Dec 17th 2017

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
handle
Charter member
17149 posts
Fri Nov-23-18 05:28 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
8. "I don't know the answer yet"
In response to Reply # 3


          

>But is the bank actually referring to it as "overdraft
>protection" or is that what your friend is calling it.

Not sure, I need to see the records. They offer "Overdraft protection" and something called "Courtesy Pay." Each has a fee starting at $27 per occurrence, with a max of 5 a day.


>I'm curious over what time period your friend managed to rack
>up 2K in OD fees, most banks limit the amount of overdraft
>fees you can get per day.

This seems to have taken over the place of a month. he wasn't notified by text, phone, email, or postal mail. I don't think he banks online at all.

I can only imagine it's because of series of funds behind withheld, fees coming in, and then everything sorted to transact STRONGLY in the banks favor to maximize the amount of service fees they collect.

I need to see the records. Because if he had $800 on day and was expecting a deposit of $1000 to come in that arrived a few days he pay have written a check for $900 that wouldn't clear and while it was being held another round of bill payments came in that also hit the fee. Some transactions may have been retried several times by automated systems.

It seems WILD.

(Hell it could have been he got depressed or manic and did a bunch of stupid shit - but he claims he did not, only the records will tell the story.)

>When you/your friend calls find out how/when he turned on that
>feature, he might have been prompted to turn it on while
>signing into online banking.

We will be going down there together once I review his records with him and talk to their bankers.

First we need to stop any future money from being deposited into that account.

Second we need to establish another bank account at a different bank in case we have to close this one.

Then: The strategy is figure out what happened first, then go down ask that they refund all services fees, and if there's any amount owed once all the fees are removed for me to pay it for him. That's the best case scenario.

Worst case is they refund nothing, keep all his money and try to collect from him and he's 1 month behind on rent.

Anyway you do it he'll be homeless without my help. And homie ain't moving in with me.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Fri Nov-23-18 04:07 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
5. "A whole month of purchases? "
In response to Reply # 0


          

Not trying to roast your friend but I check my account every day or 2. No way I could go a whole month without checking my account if I was low income. Seems like when I was struggling I checked it even more but then again, when funds are low I don’t like reminding myself by looking at my account.

If dude has overdraft protection wouldn’t he get alerts from the bank? Letters in the mail?

Something doesn’t sound right.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
Adwhizz
Member since Nov 12th 2003
40203 posts
Fri Nov-23-18 04:42 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy listClick to send message via AOL IM
7. "Checking daily is CRUCIAL"
In response to Reply # 5


  

          

OP's friend should also check their last 2-3 statements to make sure there aren't any unauthorized transaction.

R.I.P. Loud But Wrong Guy
Dec 29th 2009 - Dec 17th 2017

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

las raises
Member since Aug 31st 2002
14942 posts
Fri Nov-23-18 06:08 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
9. "They may have paid items that cleared his account and charged fees"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

I doubt it's $2200 in fees. Go and talk to a branch manager and see if they can reverse some fees.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Fri Nov-23-18 09:18 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
11. "They usually do unless you are a habitual line stepper. "
In response to Reply # 9


          

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

rdhull
Charter member
32158 posts
Fri Nov-23-18 08:02 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
10. "You're a good friend"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
obsidianchrysalis
Member since Jan 29th 2003
7758 posts
Wed Nov-28-18 01:04 AM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
30. "+1000"
In response to Reply # 10


  

          

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

IsaIsaIsa
Member since May 01st 2008
5705 posts
Fri Nov-23-18 10:52 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy listClick to send message via AOL IM
12. "Open a NEW account ASAP, and get that SSI sent via PAPER CHECK TOO"
In response to Reply # 0


          


www.Tupreme.com

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
Cold Truth
Member since Jan 28th 2004
41953 posts
Fri Nov-23-18 11:56 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
13. "SSA has phased out paper checks. He can get a Direct Express Pay Card"
In response to Reply # 12


  

          

And get direct deposit through that.

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

GROOVEPHI
Charter member
10624 posts
Mon Nov-26-18 11:17 AM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
14. "2200 in fees? impossible. The bank would close the account before that h..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

the 2200 might be fees and transactions that the bank paid. So he may OWE the bank 2200.

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Mon Nov-26-18 02:16 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
21. "Right? Dude hit him with the sob story"
In response to Reply # 14


          

Curious to see how this turns out.

Anytime someone calls with a bill and you tell them to bring the bill so you can pay it directly and they don’t immediately come over? Sketchy.

.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

double negative
Member since Dec 14th 2007
21775 posts
Mon Nov-26-18 11:42 AM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
15. "Credit union. Some places are really really good with this sort of stuff..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

handle
Charter member
17149 posts
Mon Nov-26-18 11:51 AM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
16. "Update: Radio silence from my friend"
In response to Reply # 0


          

I still have no ideas what's going on - very typical for this friend because he probably went into a depressive state because of this.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
rdhull
Charter member
32158 posts
Mon Nov-26-18 12:01 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
17. "well go check on him"
In response to Reply # 16


  

          

>I still have no ideas what's going on - very typical for this
>friend because he probably went into a depressive state
>because of this.
>

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

        
handle
Charter member
17149 posts
Mon Nov-26-18 12:48 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
18. "I will call him this afternoon"
In response to Reply # 17


          

He won't be awake until then.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

            
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Mon Nov-26-18 01:00 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
19. "Damn. Dude literally sleeps on his finances. "
In response to Reply # 18


          

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                
handle
Charter member
17149 posts
Mon Nov-26-18 02:05 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
20. "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder"
In response to Reply # 19


          

He's really Bi-polar in a very clinical sense. So I do not expect him to man-up or get-over-it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder#Depressive_episodes

It's no joke.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                    
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Mon Nov-26-18 02:17 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
22. "Word"
In response to Reply # 20


          

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                    
PG
Charter member
42519 posts
Mon Nov-26-18 04:17 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
23. "you're a solid friend... respect."
In response to Reply # 20


  

          

I hope this works out as well as it can.. your friend is lucky to have you as one.

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                        
handle
Charter member
17149 posts
Mon Nov-26-18 07:04 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
24. "Update - he could not stop the SSI payment"
In response to Reply # 23


          

So it's going into that overdrawn account.

This means he'll be at least 2 months behind on rent, big time in debt to the bank still, and have no way of getting out of the hole.

We'll see if there's a way out of this for me - but I doubt it. I'll likely have to bail him out and never see the money again.

I wonder how I get out of this cycle?

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                            
rdhull
Charter member
32158 posts
Mon Nov-26-18 07:19 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
25. "aww that sucks.."
In response to Reply # 24


  

          

that sucks...he' gonna be more depressed too, good that he has you as a friend

>So it's going into that overdrawn account.
>
>This means he'll be at least 2 months behind on rent, big time
>in debt to the bank still, and have no way of getting out of
>the hole.
>
>We'll see if there's a way out of this for me - but I doubt
>it. I'll likely have to bail him out and never see the money
>again.
>
>I wonder how I get out of this cycle?
>

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                            
soulfunk
Charter member
9365 posts
Tue Nov-27-18 10:50 AM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
26. "If you call the bank it's likely that a good chunk of the overdraft"
In response to Reply # 24


  

          

fees can get removed. If you explain that the first deposit posted late it's likely that they'll either remove all the fees from the first couple days, or they will change it to one overdraft fee per day overdrawn instead of for each transaction.

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                                
Buddy_Gilapagos
Charter member
45929 posts
Tue Nov-27-18 11:04 AM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
28. "I was thinking you could fight a big portion of those fees. "
In response to Reply # 26


  

          

Shame them on twitter even if you have to.

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                            
Creole
Charter member
15403 posts
Tue Nov-27-18 10:51 AM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
27. "He should be able to change it to another bank so that he doesn't hurt....."
In response to Reply # 24


  

          

RE: Update - he could not stop the SSI payment

too badly.

Then, he can set an arrangement to pay the credit union back.

Courtesy Pay has hurt many people in the past. I'm with USAA and they don't play that but I know people in credit unions who have been crushed, at times, because of it.

--- praying for peace, love, and power

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                                
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Wed Nov-28-18 08:58 AM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
31. "Is courtesy pay when they cover you but add fees to every purchase? "
In response to Reply # 27


          

I could definitely see that getting out of hand.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                                    
Creole
Charter member
15403 posts
Wed Nov-28-18 11:09 AM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
32. "Yup! And they'll pay it up to a certain amount. One buddy of mine gets....."
In response to Reply # 31
Wed Nov-28-18 11:09 AM by Creole

  

          

$1k to act a fool with.

None of my accounts have courtesy pay or overdraft protection. I move stuff around if I need to. In my younger days, I was the dumbest when it came to making smart financial decisions. So, now, I don't want them problems.

--- praying for peace, love, and power

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                                        
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Wed Nov-28-18 12:19 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
34. "Yeah. We have something similar but it’s linked to a credit card"
In response to Reply # 32


          

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                                            
Creole
Charter member
15403 posts
Wed Nov-28-18 01:02 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
35. "That's smart! USAA offers it but I don't have any of their credit cards...."
In response to Reply # 34


  

          

Wonder if I use a non-USAA card for this. Then, I may consider it.

--- praying for peace, love, and power

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

Musa
Member since Mar 08th 2006
15623 posts
Tue Nov-27-18 12:33 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
29. "Banks make a sizable about of their income on penalty fees."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

<----

Soundcloud.com/aquil84

(HIP HOP)
http://aquil.bandcamp.com

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
Creole
Charter member
15403 posts
Wed Nov-28-18 12:06 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
33. "Big banks rack up $6.4 billion in ATM and overdraft fees"
In response to Reply # 29
Wed Nov-28-18 12:09 PM by Creole

  

          

https://money.cnn.com/2017/02/22/investing/atm-overdraft-fees-rise/index.html

DAMNED SHAME!

Add this to the payday loan scams that I'm sure they're in on and you'll see that poor people (or financially irresponsible people or folks who are down on their luck) are screwed one way or the other.

--- praying for peace, love, and power

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

        
Musa
Member since Mar 08th 2006
15623 posts
Tue Dec-18-18 11:20 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
49. "Yessir I remember reading that earlier this year"
In response to Reply # 33


  

          

.

<----

Soundcloud.com/aquil84

(HIP HOP)
http://aquil.bandcamp.com

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

handle
Charter member
17149 posts
Tue Dec-18-18 01:17 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
36. "I finally got to look at some of his bank records....."
In response to Reply # 0


          

Looking at the sequence of events is this:
On October 20th his $900 rent check bounced becuase he had only $675 in the bank - and they held it open for a few days but ultimately rejected it. During that time he got 2 overdraft fees for other items.

Once the check bounced he had approx $600 in the bank, which he slowly used for groceries and renting Redbox/etc. (No big purchases like X-boxes or $300 bar bills.)

He SHOULD have know n that he didn't have that money just by using maths but he didn't.

I've been broke before I too used to use the "Try the debit card and if it works then you have the money" strategy. This was thwarted because some some reason he had overdraft protection on (more on this later.)

I can't recall the details of his records but at some before his SSI check was deposited he hit a BUNCH of fees - something like 27 in 2 weeks. So for $1000 in charges he made he got hit with $900 in overdraft fees. He's in the hole $191 dollars with them now.

He has not done anything else yet - but ...
1)I gave him $100 to open a new checking account TODAY.
2)Once the account is open he has to call SSI and get it routed to the new account.
3)I am asking him to pull complete banking records electronically for as long as possible - at least until when these fees started, but hopefully months before that.
4)We will (he and I) go in to the branch with his records and ..
a)Challenge them to prove he opted in to overdraft. He claims to have no memory of ever opting into it (and hopefully his bank records from previous months will show this to be the case.)
b)If they do prove it or we can't fight it, then ask very nicely for all (or some) of the fees to be waived.

In any case we will never contest the amount he actually spent - he made the purchase so he owes for it - but man, if the ATM card would have stopped working he'd have been in a much better situation now. (Meaning I'd just loan/gift him a few hundred dollars.)

Absolute best case scenario is he comes out with a few hundred in his pocket, medium case is that the fees vs. the amount he is in arrears evens out, worst case - he's where he is at today.

He's still 2 months of bounced rent checks behind.

But I see $2.97 Redbox rentals that incur a $27.00 fee - and soda purchases for $1.25 that also incur a $27.00 fee.


Also: No email/phone or mail notification was ever sent to him, until yesterday when a notice that he is $191 in the negative came in - we're going to ask why he was not notified - isn't that standard procedure?

He's been with this credit union for 20 years, maybe they'll cut him some slack.

And the new bank we'll get him 2 checking accounts - on for SSI that he will write rent checks from ONLY - and the other for living expenses/ATM/etc.





------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
FLUIDJ
Member since Sep 18th 2002
43473 posts
Tue Dec-18-18 01:23 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
38. "A lot of banks default to overdraft protection when you open a new accou..."
In response to Reply # 36


  

          

you have to actively opt OUT of it, not the other way around.


"Get ready....for your blessing....."

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
Boogiedwn
Member since Sep 25th 2003
8676 posts
Tue Dec-18-18 01:28 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy listClick to send message via AOL IM
39. "wow, man"
In response to Reply # 36


  

          

The landlord charging any fees too?

_______________________
We rationalize dumb shit

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

        
handle
Charter member
17149 posts
Tue Dec-18-18 01:42 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
40. "No, landlord is a weirdo who rents to poor people"
In response to Reply # 39


          

>The landlord charging any fees too?

I think he'll just want to be made whole - if he got charged a fee then my friend has to pay it . Landlord has not attempted to deposit the December rent so he doesn't know my friend is 2 months behind.

I think my friend will ultimately not be able to stay in his house, since rent is $950 and his income is $900, his girlfriend stopped paying rents months ago and broke up with him, and he can'g get a roommate until she leaves AND we clean the FUCK out of the dusty and cluttered house.

Even with a roommate, after expense he'll have only $500 a month for food and clothes/etc. We have to try to get him on Section 8 or something.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
Adwhizz
Member since Nov 12th 2003
40203 posts
Tue Dec-18-18 07:56 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy listClick to send message via AOL IM
45. "Once Again, I don't know who he banks with"
In response to Reply # 36


  

          

but to receive text messages from your bank you need to opt in/agree to receive them since you could end up paying data fees.

I don't know if there's any type of regulation on Sending E-mails to customers, but once again that's usually something you would have to sign up for.

R.I.P. Loud But Wrong Guy
Dec 29th 2009 - Dec 17th 2017

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

FLUIDJ
Member since Sep 18th 2002
43473 posts
Tue Dec-18-18 01:22 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
37. "this sound like some Bank of America BS...."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          




"Get ready....for your blessing....."

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Tue Dec-18-18 04:54 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
41. "A 27 dollar deal for a $1 soda? "
In response to Reply # 0


          

That’s insane....

BUT I have to add.

Dudes math is off line shit. If he makes $900 and his rent is $950 how the hell does he think he can swipe for movies and sodas?

Get that man a firestick or something.

and his ex lives with him rent free?

Man.. that dude has a lot going on.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
handle
Charter member
17149 posts
Tue Dec-18-18 05:04 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
42. "RE: A 27 dollar deal for a $1 soda? "
In response to Reply # 41


          

>That’s insane....
>
>BUT I have to add.
>
>Dudes math is off line shit. If he makes $900 and his rent is
>$950 how the hell does he think he can swipe for movies and
>sodas?

His situation has changed because of the girlfriend no longer bringing in money AND I'm sure that his bi-polar depression and new depression for his GF breaking up with him, not paying money towards rent, all contributed to it. It seems to have have happened in about a 3 week period.

Two things: If overdraft was not turned on he'd have bounced a rent check and knew he was in debt and he may have reached out earlier. But it WOULD have stopped the around $1000 in fees that was caused by overdraft "protection" being on.

He's fucked, no doubt.

>Get that man a firestick or something.
I pay for his cable modem ($30) for the last few months so he can stream, but dude prolly wanted to watch something at Redbox and figured (wrongly) if he didn't have the money it'd just get denied.

Make no mistake - he spent the money and his maths do not add up - I am not denying that at all.

>and his ex lives with him rent free?
>Man.. that dude has a lot going on.

He's so fucked up/depressed right now.

I told him to give his ex-GF a Pay or Quit notice. She needs to go sleep on people's couches or sleep in her car.

I think it's likely we'll have to commit him for a little while - we did about 4 years ago (at his request - we just helped) and he stayed in the hospital for a few weeks. But if that happens now with no GF then he'll definitely lose his place - and I'll have a 3rd cat to take care of. And then he'll be houseless/homeless.

And no - he can't move in with me - he'd be a nightmare to live with - and also ANOTHER friend is currently staying on my couch because he lost his job.

If I could get his GF out then I might just move my other friend in, pay 3 months of their rent and stuff (think $3,000) and get an IOU from them and hopefully they'll catch up and start to pay me back in 6 months to a year.

I've loaned both money in the past and they have paid me back - but it took a long time.



------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

        
mista k5
Member since Feb 01st 2006
13907 posts
Tue Dec-18-18 05:32 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy listClick to send message via AOL IM
43. "youre a better man than i could ever be"
In response to Reply # 42


  

          

dont know how you deal

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

handle
Charter member
17149 posts
Tue Dec-18-18 07:34 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
44. "Another update: Dude did not open a new bank account today"
In response to Reply # 0


          

And the SSI is still pointing at the old account.

I was like "WTF dude?" and He was all "I got 10 days before blah blah blah."

He might be too far gone to help.

Because if another fucking check gets taken by the bank I'm going wash my hands of it. SWEAR TO GOD!

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
Ryan M
Member since Oct 21st 2002
40944 posts
Tue Dec-18-18 08:39 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
46. "Honestly, sorta sounds like you've done enough."
In response to Reply # 44


  

          

Sometimes people can't help themselves and you shouldn't be brought into a toxic situation. That's what this sounds like on paper. You tried - he didn't get it. That sucks, but no reason for you to feel like you should do more, or you failed or whatever.

My brother isn't dissimilar. Bipolar, depressed, and terrible with his finances despite having just about everything set up for him. The more questions I'd ask or suggestions I'd have to help him, he'd get more mad or/and flustered. It's just not worth it - if THE doesn't care, and you can't get through to him, don't frustrate yourself.

------------------------------
'19-'20 Bubble Lakers

X.X.X.X.X.X.X.X.X.X.X.X.X.X.X.X

2020 NBA Champions

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
obsidianchrysalis
Member since Jan 29th 2003
7758 posts
Tue Dec-18-18 08:41 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
47. "Your compassion and commitment to your friend is remarkable"
In response to Reply # 44


  

          

I've been in situation where my neck was extended with folks with emotional struggles, not so much financially but emotionally, and it was trying. So, for you to stand-in for the work family ought to do is worth applauding.

But yeah, there are and should be conditions to the support you offer.

Setting him up in a psychiatric-care facility might be best. It's clear he isn't able to cope with these recent stresses and getting some time away and even getting his meds fine-tuned might be the boost he needs.

But the helplessness he's showing is the worst. There's nothing you can do to pull him out of that. Unfortunately it's simply part of the condition of depression, bipolar and other forms. I'm sure you want to kind of tug at him to give him positive momentum, but you seem to know that it is only going to aggravate him and ultimately be counter-productive.

It hurts being involved with folks who are struggling. You don't want to be the person who turns your back on them when their at their worst. You wouldn't want someone to turn you away in a time of need.

But you're not a professional and your only obligation as a friend would be to offer and then follow thru if you can. You've done all you can.

Have you thought about getting your friend in a group home? I don't know the timeline for getting him accepted tho.

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Tue Dec-18-18 09:10 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
48. "Some save em, he don’t wanna be saved"
In response to Reply # 44


          

You gave him the money to open an account?

Man listen.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
IsaIsaIsa
Member since May 01st 2008
5705 posts
Wed Dec-19-18 03:07 AM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy listClick to send message via AOL IM
51. "Get new friends."
In response to Reply # 44


          


www.Tupreme.com

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

        
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Wed Dec-19-18 08:13 AM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
52. "I have family like this"
In response to Reply # 51


          

but they are family.

Not sure I could remain friends with folks who always need my financial assistance.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

ThaTruth
Charter member
92703 posts
Wed Dec-19-18 12:03 AM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
50. "you're a good friend but unless he's willing to give you some sort of..."
In response to Reply # 0


          

power of attorney to take over and fully manage his finances you probably need to back away.

________________________________________
"Stay out the dark, cause if I catch you when the sun is down..."
https://youtu.be/eaaTxVRG06c?t=89

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

handle
Charter member
17149 posts
Fri Dec-21-18 03:18 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
53. "Another update"
In response to Reply # 0


          

Did here from my friend until late last night via text he says:
"So, yeah, I'm probably screwed,."

I replied "Any details?"

He replies "Nah."

I replied "You should talk to someone at social services of your doctor."

No reply yet.



------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Fri Dec-21-18 04:19 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
54. "He never opened that account?"
In response to Reply # 53


          

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

        
handle
Charter member
17149 posts
Fri Dec-21-18 04:36 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
55. "No idea"
In response to Reply # 54


          

I see a lot of possibilities:

1)He did not open the account because he did not leave the house.

2)He did go to the new credit union to open the account and could not. (Bad credit or bounced checks at the other bank might prevent it?)

3)He did open the account and then called SSI and they said "Well it's so late your check will go to the old account and there's no way to stop it."

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

            
handle
Charter member
17149 posts
Wed Dec-26-18 12:27 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
56. "Update: He did open the account ..but...."
In response to Reply # 55


          

We went to see Spiderverse on christmas (I paid) and here are the updates:

1)The original overdrawn account is *going to be closed* by the bank on some certain date if he takes no action to make it current.

2)He did open the new account at a new bank..

3)He did call Social Security to get money routed to the new account - but he did it too late to stop this month's check from being transferred to the overdrawn account. (You have to make changes by the 14th of the month.) So that money is on the way to the old/overdrawn account this time - and future payments go to the new account.

But bad stuff:
1)He has not called/gone to the old bank to attempt to get some fees refunded.

Theory: I've had friends who are desperate in the past and they "shut down" their brains - I think it's some biological function or something. Objectively I told him "You're one stupid motherfucker to not even have called them and made an attempt to get some money back, you stupid motherfucker." I know that helps.

2)He has not actively closed the old overdrawn account.

Again, his brain is not working clearly - he's smart enough to know to do this. (We went to the same high school and took the same economics class which specifically talked about how to bank/balance a checkbook/etc."

He says "The bank said they old account would be closed before the date of the transfer so the account should be closed and maybe it'll bounce back to SSI and I can get the full amount from them at some point."

And I'm like "1)Close that fucking account NOW!! Not just checking - the entire account. 2)Notify your bank/tell them to stop accepting any transfers into those accounts."

Here's what is GOING to happen now:
1)The money from SSI arrives/is available in his overdrawn account on the 28th - which means the transfer from SSI to the bank probably started on the 26th or 27th. If the account is open the old bank will accept the funds - take any money he owes them out - and either keep the account open or close it and send him a check for the remaining amount.

2)The account is already closed but they accept the transfer, take their fees, then send the rest back to SSI which he has to tell to send to him via another method.

But his depression is certainly not allowing him make rational decisions. OR he's been poor so long he feels powerless around money - and allows (passively) himself to be taken advantage of by institutions. Like there's no way to stop it so why even try to minimize it.

I told him he needs to talk to his doctor and/or social worker to ask for help - because he's not able to help himself - and that's okay - it's part of his illness.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

handle
Charter member
17149 posts
Thu Jan-17-19 02:15 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
57. "More updates (more for my stress relief)"
In response to Reply # 0


          

Friend got Dec 2018 SSI payment - the old bank got it, took the money he owed them out and friend is left with $710.

Friend also dog-sat for several weeks and made $600 dollars. He spent it ALL without paying any towards rent.

Friend's girls moved out - so he's trying (poorly) to rent the room.

Friend's landlord made a deal he had to just pay Jan 2019 rent in full - get a roommate that passes a credit check of just "no evictions" and keep current at the rent and start to pay back rent (unknown amount I assume it's at least $2700.)

So my friend's a FUCKING IDIOT and just assumed he'd be able to magically rent out the room - but i went over and the house is a fucking wreck. Filth all over the stove. Room being rented has no light and has crap in it so not move in ready - bathroom has 1 door blocked, common front room is dusty as shit, has tons of horder-LIGHT clutter and he didn't clean it at all. it sucks.

He had some people put in applications and pass the credit check-- and one said he was going to move in but he didn't. I suspect he got a place less filthy.

So Friend he's at least $250 short on rent - and the house is a mess.

I bought about $40 dollar worth of cleaning supplies/garbage bags and boxes and dropped them off last week- I don't know if he's used them at all.

Oh, and another Friend - Friend #2 also got evicted from his place and I've let him crash at my house for 4 weeks - give just him 3 weeks notice to leave even if he's on the streets.

Trying to work out a deal where I loan both some money - they live together and hopefully stay off the streets.

I think it will fail and they're both fucked - but it's causing me so much stress I can't enjoy life.

Plus i got my own shit going on.


------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
rdhull
Charter member
32158 posts
Thu Jan-17-19 03:24 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
58. "Han, youre amazing (no snark)."
In response to Reply # 57


  

          

>Friend got Dec 2018 SSI payment - the old bank got it, took
>the money he owed them out and friend is left with $710.
>
>Friend also dog-sat for several weeks and made $600 dollars.
>He spent it ALL without paying any towards rent.
>
>Friend's girls moved out - so he's trying (poorly) to rent the
>room.
>
>Friend's landlord made a deal he had to just pay Jan 2019 rent
>in full - get a roommate that passes a credit check of just
>"no evictions" and keep current at the rent and start to pay
>back rent (unknown amount I assume it's at least $2700.)
>
>So my friend's a FUCKING IDIOT and just assumed he'd be able
>to magically rent out the room - but i went over and the house
>is a fucking wreck. Filth all over the stove. Room being
>rented has no light and has crap in it so not move in ready -
>bathroom has 1 door blocked, common front room is dusty as
>shit, has tons of horder-LIGHT clutter and he didn't clean it
>at all. it sucks.
>
>He had some people put in applications and pass the credit
>check-- and one said he was going to move in but he didn't. I
>suspect he got a place less filthy.
>
>So Friend he's at least $250 short on rent - and the house is
>a mess.
>
>I bought about $40 dollar worth of cleaning supplies/garbage
>bags and boxes and dropped them off last week- I don't know if
>he's used them at all.
>
>Oh, and another Friend - Friend #2 also got evicted from his
>place and I've let him crash at my house for 4 weeks - give
>just him 3 weeks notice to leave even if he's on the streets.
>
>Trying to work out a deal where I loan both some money - they
>live together and hopefully stay off the streets.
>
>I think it will fail and they're both fucked - but it's
>causing me so much stress I can't enjoy life.
>
>Plus i got my own shit going on.
>
>
>

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
rdhull
Charter member
32158 posts
Thu Jan-17-19 03:27 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
59. "him blowing $600 without paying any towards rent? Handle"
In response to Reply # 57


  

          

Its time to let him go

youre low-key enabling him




>Friend got Dec 2018 SSI payment - the old bank got it, took
>the money he owed them out and friend is left with $710.
>
>Friend also dog-sat for several weeks and made $600 dollars.
>He spent it ALL without paying any towards rent.
>
>Friend's girls moved out - so he's trying (poorly) to rent the
>room.
>
>Friend's landlord made a deal he had to just pay Jan 2019 rent
>in full - get a roommate that passes a credit check of just
>"no evictions" and keep current at the rent and start to pay
>back rent (unknown amount I assume it's at least $2700.)
>
>So my friend's a FUCKING IDIOT and just assumed he'd be able
>to magically rent out the room - but i went over and the house
>is a fucking wreck. Filth all over the stove. Room being
>rented has no light and has crap in it so not move in ready -
>bathroom has 1 door blocked, common front room is dusty as
>shit, has tons of horder-LIGHT clutter and he didn't clean it
>at all. it sucks.
>
>He had some people put in applications and pass the credit
>check-- and one said he was going to move in but he didn't. I
>suspect he got a place less filthy.
>
>So Friend he's at least $250 short on rent - and the house is
>a mess.
>
>I bought about $40 dollar worth of cleaning supplies/garbage
>bags and boxes and dropped them off last week- I don't know if
>he's used them at all.
>
>Oh, and another Friend - Friend #2 also got evicted from his
>place and I've let him crash at my house for 4 weeks - give
>just him 3 weeks notice to leave even if he's on the streets.
>
>Trying to work out a deal where I loan both some money - they
>live together and hopefully stay off the streets.
>
>I think it will fail and they're both fucked - but it's
>causing me so much stress I can't enjoy life.
>
>Plus i got my own shit going on.
>
>
>

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

        
handle
Charter member
17149 posts
Thu Jan-17-19 04:12 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
62. "^Yeah"
In response to Reply # 59


          

>Its time to let him go
>
>youre low-key enabling him
>
Yeah, that's what's happening - although it's been minimal support - but yes, I have to cut both of them off. I'll likely help the one this time with about $300 and I'm out - and let the other stay for a few more weeks than he's cut off too. If I put a limit on it and stick to it then I'll be fine.

Because this is just people living badly - neither have had an emergency to cause this it's poor decision or just life not working out as well as they'd hoped.

At least they're not alcoholics or drug addicts - I cut those types off in my 20s and haven't picked any up since then.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

            
Creole
Charter member
15403 posts
Thu Jan-17-19 04:15 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
64. "Seems life may be working out for them the way they want it to right now..."
In response to Reply # 62
Thu Jan-17-19 04:18 PM by Creole

  

          

> or just life not working out as well as they'd hoped.

With someone backing them as you've admirably done, they've got no reason to get their stuff together.

You may have done it all with the greatest intentions but they're obviously not willing to meet your kindness with any type of smarts or drive to do for self.

--- praying for peace, love, and power

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

            
rdhull
Charter member
32158 posts
Thu Jan-17-19 04:26 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
68. "RE: ^Yeah"
In response to Reply # 62


  

          

>>Its time to let him go
>>
>>youre low-key enabling him
>>
>Yeah, that's what's happening - although it's been minimal
>support -

dude..youre cleaning up his living room (he wont even do that lol)...thats MAJOR not to mention the hand holding with his finances etc etc and lending..nah..GIVING money away to them (you know u aint ever gettng that back)..youve done major..and its probably not the first time


>
>At least they're not alcoholics or drug addicts - I cut those
>types off in my 20s and haven't picked any up since then.

These dudes are the same thing

Handle dont rationalize..youre a good dude..i get it, these are your friends..but you have to stop the caretaking...

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Thu Jan-17-19 03:58 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
60. "Either let that dude move in with you"
In response to Reply # 57


          

or cut him off.

I’m stressed just reading this.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

        
rdhull
Charter member
32158 posts
Thu Jan-17-19 04:20 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
65. "No..dont let him move in...ever"
In response to Reply # 60


  

          

>or cut him off.
>
>I’m stressed just reading this.

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
isaaaa
Member since May 10th 2007
30565 posts
Thu Jan-17-19 04:01 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy listClick to send message via AOL IM
61. "GET SOME NEW FRIENDS,, WTF!!!!"
In response to Reply # 57


          

>Friend got Dec 2018 SSI payment - the old bank got it, took
>the money he owed them out and friend is left with $710.
>
>Friend also dog-sat for several weeks and made $600 dollars.
>He spent it ALL without paying any towards rent.
>
>Friend's girls moved out - so he's trying (poorly) to rent the
>room.
>
>Friend's landlord made a deal he had to just pay Jan 2019 rent
>in full - get a roommate that passes a credit check of just
>"no evictions" and keep current at the rent and start to pay
>back rent (unknown amount I assume it's at least $2700.)
>
>So my friend's a FUCKING IDIOT and just assumed he'd be able
>to magically rent out the room - but i went over and the house
>is a fucking wreck. Filth all over the stove. Room being
>rented has no light and has crap in it so not move in ready -
>bathroom has 1 door blocked, common front room is dusty as
>shit, has tons of horder-LIGHT clutter and he didn't clean it
>at all. it sucks.
>
>He had some people put in applications and pass the credit
>check-- and one said he was going to move in but he didn't. I
>suspect he got a place less filthy.
>
>So Friend he's at least $250 short on rent - and the house is
>a mess.
>
>I bought about $40 dollar worth of cleaning supplies/garbage
>bags and boxes and dropped them off last week- I don't know if
>he's used them at all.
>
>Oh, and another Friend - Friend #2 also got evicted from his
>place and I've let him crash at my house for 4 weeks - give
>just him 3 weeks notice to leave even if he's on the streets.
>
>Trying to work out a deal where I loan both some money - they
>live together and hopefully stay off the streets.
>
>I think it will fail and they're both fucked - but it's
>causing me so much stress I can't enjoy life.
>
>Plus i got my own shit going on.
>
>
>


Anti-gentrification, cheap alcohol & trying to look pretty in our twilight posting years (c) Big Reg
http://Tupreme.com

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
Boogiedwn
Member since Sep 25th 2003
8676 posts
Thu Jan-17-19 04:15 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy listClick to send message via AOL IM
63. "this is a lot bruh"
In response to Reply # 57


  

          

He's got a lot going on, don't get dragged down from his weight


You are a good friend to these people but know your limits

_______________________
We rationalize dumb shit

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
mista k5
Member since Feb 01st 2006
13907 posts
Thu Jan-17-19 04:21 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy listClick to send message via AOL IM
66. "maybe he misunderstood when someone told him to handle his ish"
In response to Reply # 57


  

          

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
Cam
Charter member
13266 posts
Thu Jan-17-19 04:23 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
67. "I'd never set foot in homeboy's place again, and it would be a while"
In response to Reply # 57


  

          

for me to accept his calls.
both 'friends' are abusing your loyalty and compassion.

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
ThaTruth
Charter member
92703 posts
Thu Jan-17-19 04:39 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
69. "I'm convinced there's more to this story than you're telling, like these..."
In response to Reply # 57


          

dudes helped you hide the body after you killed someone or something. Most normal people aren't this loyal to family, let alone "friends".

They've got to have some kind of dirt on you for you to be this understanding.

________________________________________
"Stay out the dark, cause if I catch you when the sun is down..."
https://youtu.be/eaaTxVRG06c?t=89

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

        
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Thu Jan-17-19 04:40 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
70. "Damn"
In response to Reply # 69


          

Something is definitely up

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

        
Marbles
Member since Oct 19th 2004
21761 posts
Thu Jan-17-19 04:47 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
71. "I wondered the same thing (jokingly)"
In response to Reply # 69


  

          


I was starting to think his friend was really a bad ass chick that he was runnin' around with. And it was so good, he was willing to pu up with some serious financial missteps to keep it poppin'.

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

            
ThaTruth
Charter member
92703 posts
Fri Jan-18-19 09:37 AM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
74. "right its got to be either murder or sex involved lol"
In response to Reply # 71


          

________________________________________
"Stay out the dark, cause if I catch you when the sun is down..."
https://youtu.be/eaaTxVRG06c?t=89

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

        
handle
Charter member
17149 posts
Thu Jan-17-19 04:58 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
72. "They are old friends"
In response to Reply # 69


          

Friend 1 (overdraft blood) I've known since I was 17. That's 31 years ago.

I've loaned him money in the past and helped him out before - and with the exception of a streak of bad luck AND bad decision in the last 6 months he's always paid me back - and helped me when I needed help like moving furniture, or feeding my cat or helping my mom, other things.

Friend 2 I've know since 1990 - so 28 years.
Same exact deal as friend 1 - just met after high school. Always paid me back. Always helped when I asked - but slight less than friend 1. but less demanding/annoying than friend 1 on a friendship level. Way more mellow.



So it's just now that we're all nearing 50 that my life is going well and their's are falling apart. They've been falling apart slowing for years - while over the last 12 years my life has become much better/easier. I outright own my condo. I've had a job for the last 12 years and it pays well. They have no savings and are living hand to mouth.

But I've also been getting more anxiety as I get older - I plan more and I'm less willing to take risks with money.


------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

            
mista k5
Member since Feb 01st 2006
13907 posts
Thu Jan-17-19 05:03 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy listClick to send message via AOL IM
73. "so they have you on VHS dressed as boy george"
In response to Reply # 72


  

          

its okay, folks are more accepting now.




just playing. i dont know how you do it but i kind of feel you.

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
Case_One
Charter member
54687 posts
Fri Jan-18-19 10:57 AM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
75. "Fam, I'm understand your compassion and loyalty BUT, "
In response to Reply # 57


          

the only thing you can do for these to GROWN MEN is to point BOTH OF THEM in the right direction of some Local or State level free educational training programs and shake free of them.

I believe in spiritual ties and circles of association, thus if you keep hanging on to them, all of their mess is gonna start hanging on to you. Eventually, you'll all be paddling in the same lifeboat. Bro, it's time to abandon ship or distance yourself to the point where you're only present to do a health and welfare check.

These two men need to get into a work rehabilitation program to help them acquire some new skills for employment.



.
.
Current Favorite Song: https://youtu.be/8v_KFHnPImY

"I cannot see how nature could have created itself. Only a supernatural force that is outside of space and time could have done that. ~ Francis Collins

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

handle
Charter member
17149 posts
Fri Jan-18-19 04:41 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
76. "Hopefully final update for now"
In response to Reply # 0
Fri Jan-18-19 04:53 PM by handle

          

Friend 1:
He has started cleaning his place - the room is clean and needs some attention like getting a screen for a window and repair the ceiling fan (or replace it) - but definitely livable now.

He has cleaned the stove completely, but needs to do refrig and cabinets next. Hopefully he's doing that today/now.

He is continuing to clean the house, and will try to get his clutter hidden away - but at least its progress and someone moving in might think its messy but he can say "The ex-roommate left a lot of stuff and I'm cleaning it all out now.

How I left it:I gave, as a gift - no repayment expected, $300 dollars so he could use his $710 and pay the rent for January.

I then clearly stated "I will not provide any financial support going forward." He understands.

If he can get a roommate to move in he should be okay unless the landlord kicks them out because of the issues in the past. But I think a clean room and less messy house combined with the area he lives in - which is VERY hip now - it is the "hot" part of San Diego - 30th street in North park between University and El Cajon.



Also told Friend #2 he had until Feb 7th to find another place to stay - he gets put out even if he's on the streets. I'll likely LOAN him some money to help, he has paid money back in a timely fashion before.

So on Feb 8th everything will be back to normal - and I'm a lot less stressed now because I know I can control my part in it all now.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
Case_One
Charter member
54687 posts
Fri Jan-18-19 05:06 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
77. "DO all you can within BOUNDARIES and do not waver. "
In response to Reply # 76


          


.
.
Current Favorite Song: https://youtu.be/8v_KFHnPImY

"I cannot see how nature could have created itself. Only a supernatural force that is outside of space and time could have done that. ~ Francis Collins

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

        
handle
Charter member
17149 posts
Thu Jan-24-19 04:02 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
78. "Friend 2 is out now"
In response to Reply # 77


          

I loaned him some money - around $1200 which I have on paper that he'll start paying back $350.00 a month starting on March 18th.

So he's out - he stayed with me for about 5 weeks.

Friend #1 still has not rented the place. Also has not taken my advice to get a TON of his shit out of the house and to lower rent by$50-$100 just to get someone IN. He's probably not going to make it and will get evicted. At least he has a steady income that he could afford to rent a room somewhere.

My plans:
I am *honestly* thinking about getting rid of my sleeper sofa so guests have to sleep on the god damn floor.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

            
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Thu Jan-24-19 04:49 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
79. "I guess it’s hard to say no to friends. "
In response to Reply # 78


          

With young kids no one wants to stay or could stay with Ian

When we first bought our house my wife had a “friend” stay with us and she tried to play like she was broke and would pay once she got her stipend for Grad school.

She tried to use white tears when I pressed my wife to get her to pay up. Told my wife to NEVER call someone a friend who only reaches out when they need something.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

        
infin8
Charter member
10267 posts
Fri Jan-25-19 12:36 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
80. "* waiver. "
In response to Reply # 77


  

          

IG: amadu_me

"...Whateva, man..." (c) Redman

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

            
Case_One
Charter member
54687 posts
Tue Feb-12-19 04:09 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
89. "That too"
In response to Reply # 80


          


.
.
“Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.” ~ Albert Einstein

"I cannot see how nature could have created itself. Only a supernatural force that is outside of space and time could have done that. ~ Francis Collins

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                
NoDrawls McGraw
Member since Jun 24th 2007
12122 posts
Sun Apr-21-19 04:16 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
101. "This is hilarious comin from YOU!"
In response to Reply # 89


  

          

No snark, but Case, you da most mispellingnest ninja up IN this muhfukka! I genuine laughed out loud at this shit!



https://chriswind.bandcamp.com/track/massage

"You can take an African out of Africa, but you can't take Africa out of the African"
Afro-Americana/Afro-Caribbana/Afro-Latino unite. We are ALL Black!

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                    
Case_One
Charter member
54687 posts
Mon Apr-22-19 07:20 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
114. "yeah. I think I have a problem.... lol"
In response to Reply # 101


          


.
.
“Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.” ~ Albert Einstein

"I cannot see how nature could have created itself. Only a supernatural force that is outside of space and time could have done that. ~ Francis Collins

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
infin8
Charter member
10267 posts
Fri Jan-25-19 12:39 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
81. "life comes at you fast"
In response to Reply # 76


  

          

I can accept everthing you've said without speculating on anything else other than the fact that life's pace is speeding up rapidly and your boys haven't been able to keep up.

If they're as old as I'm calculating based on what you've said....they might not make it.

just keep everything in perspective man. at some point you're going to have to back all the way up, or it'll be you.

what a world.

IG: amadu_me

"...Whateva, man..." (c) Redman

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

        
handle
Charter member
17149 posts
Fri Jan-25-19 01:21 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
82. "Yeah"
In response to Reply # 81


          

Friend 1 needs to get Section 8 if he can - I think he can. He'll never be able to work but he will always get like $900 a month - he'll have to rent a room and just be dirt poor at some point.

(He does have someone moving in on Sunday - but that could fall through, and every month could bring a new challenge.)

Friend 2 I don't know - he needs to find stability if he can. But there are no guarantees out here and nearly everyone is about 3-6 months away from being in a bind if they are unemployed.

I have more stability than most - but if I became disabled or went to jail (no reason to go to jail, but who knows shit happens) I'd be tough to maintain the stability.

Again, I've know these guys for nearly 30 years and they don't owe me money habitually - things are just tough for them now.



But I know that for me - I have to take steps away from the drama.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

            
infin8
Charter member
10267 posts
Wed Feb-13-19 10:40 AM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
93. "the ground is lava"
In response to Reply # 82


  

          

and it's rising.

Hang in there handle.

IG: amadu_me

"...Whateva, man..." (c) Redman

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
calij81
Member since Jan 17th 2007
12396 posts
Fri Jan-25-19 03:31 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
83. "Off topic, I didn’t realize you lived in San Diego "
In response to Reply # 76


          

I love over in Hillcrest, born and raised in San Diego.

Yeah that is a desirable area and your friend should have no problem renting his room out.

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

handle
Charter member
17149 posts
Tue Feb-12-19 12:54 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
84. "More updates (venting)"
In response to Reply # 0


          

Friend #1 with overdraft fees is doing okay as far as I know. He got a roommate, and he's in a manic phases where I think I may just cut off contact with him - because it makes him be in denial.

Friend #2 who I was letting stays with me and I gave him $1200 to go elsewhere is a problem.

He texted me the other day and asked if I had a hoodie he could use - I texted back and was like "maybe, I only got 2 hoodies one for exercise that stinks and one for me."

Well after a few more texts I'm getting a feeling and I ask "Are you on the streets?"

He replied "Some nights."

So long story short - he went to stay with another friend who is married but who has like a 4 bedroom house with only 2 people in it. That fell through for some reason - probably the wife didn't appreciate him there all day.

I asked "How much money do you have left" which he would not tell me a number - so I expect is nearly 0.

Also he said "Homeless people are fucking assholes" AND I haven't seen his laptop since I let him back in the house - so I think he may have gotten robbed.

I'm letting him stay until Feb 24th - maybe this time he'll get in a "I'm fucking fucked" mode and figure some shit out - otherwise he's on the streets again.

Letting him stay on my couch cost me no money - but I don't like it. My place is under 1000 sq/ft and the way its set up he's in the front room. He's not making messes or fucking things up - but I'd rather have my place be mine.

And I'm MAD that I couldn't get Friend 2 to move in with Friend 1 - people stay in denial even when they have jack shit. If they'd have followed my plan they both have houses and be stable at least until April 1st.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Tue Feb-12-19 01:00 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
85. "Dude is back on your couch? "
In response to Reply # 84


          

As long as he has you he isn’t going to get his shit together.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
Creole
Charter member
15403 posts
Tue Feb-12-19 02:21 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
86. "DAMN! This reminds me of a dude I worked with a couple years ago. He,..."
In response to Reply # 84


  

          

disappeared on his first day of work. Said that he'd lost his id and had to go pick it up since it was found on UMBC's campus. Dude just disappeared without saying a word.

Fast forward a couple of weeks...

Dude shows up to work 6 hours late on a Monday. He came in offering excuses to his manager to to me who said that he'd flown to ATL for the weekend and that the flight was delayed.

A couple more weeks later...

Dude showed up to work drunk as shit and with no socks on. It was early March and still cold enough to not be walking around with ashy ankles. Mofo said he was leaving early. Walked out and then, five minutes later, returned to his desk. Then, dude walked away a few minutes later after saying he didn't feel good. He disappeared to a conference room where he was found passed out. The guy claimed that he was feeling bad and left once medics arrived.

Called me from the hospital a few minutes later claiming to have been told that his heart was the issue. The cat never returned.

A couple weeks later...

I'm driving for Uber one weekend and saw a body, lying on the ground, in an alley. Got closer to him and realized it was him. Passed out with a blanket over his body.

Shook my head and kept going...

Didn't want anything to do with those problems.

All that to say... I hope your guys get it together.

--- praying for peace, love, and power

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

        
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Tue Feb-12-19 03:51 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
88. "This sounds like the homeless folks at the shelter I used to manage"
In response to Reply # 86


          

I almost want to clown your gig for hiring dude.

Used to have homeless folks who would make these grand speeches when they would get a job and their own place. A few months later I would see them on the street living their worst life.

Shit was exhausting but at the same time... some of the excuses and stories these folks made when trying to hustle their way back into the shelter we’re amazing. Just terrible liars.

One time my boss’s daughter fell for a dude in the shelter and started showing up to scoop him up on days he wasn’t working. She even let him borrow her car, he wrecked that shit so fast.

A lot of mental shit in shelters but also a whole bunch of folks who are slaves to the bottle or drugs.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

            
ThaTruth
Charter member
92703 posts
Tue Feb-12-19 04:13 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
90. "not funny but funny lol..."
In response to Reply # 88


          


>One time my boss’s daughter fell for a dude in the shelter
>and started showing up to scoop him up on days he wasn’t
>working. She even let him borrow her car, he wrecked that shit
>so fast.

________________________________________
"Stay out the dark, cause if I catch you when the sun is down..."
https://youtu.be/eaaTxVRG06c?t=89

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Tue Feb-12-19 04:32 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
91. "Had one dude who always wore a suit and was extremely articulate"
In response to Reply # 90


          

Everyone would say “go get a job, we all get up and work but you too good to work”

Dude would say he would only work for X amount of dollars but as soon as someone had a gig paying that much he would say “God told me to only work for Z amount of dollars”

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

            
Creole
Charter member
15403 posts
Wed Feb-13-19 09:32 AM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
92. "The cat reeked of alcohol on many days. Not knocking his issue..."
In response to Reply # 88


  

          

>I almost want to clown your gig for hiring dude.

but damn! We were the only brothers on that entire floor too.

Being in IT, I'm usually the only brother at these companies I've been working for. So, having him there was cool until I realized dude was up to something.

I hope he's gotten it together by now. He sent me a request to connect on LinkedIn. I introduced that invitation to the "X".

--- praying for peace, love, and power

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

sosumi
Member since May 30th 2012
814 posts
Tue Feb-12-19 02:31 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
87. "not to be annoying by bringing up..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

E Warren, because there are other threads about her candidacy

but her policy knowledge on these financial issues is so important

I remember the times when you could get charged an overdraft fee
and an insufficient funds fee and keep getting charged ever day...
and a fee for not keep $5000 in checking
or credits cards charging you a late fee then an over the limit fee

Obama's appointment of Warren shut that down

I remember some people getting clowned here for posting about using payday loans,
I used them and that payday loan fee was often lower than paying bank fees
though many ethical lenders got shut down as well...

I remember nyc acting like monthly metrocards were so cost efficient not realizing
that amount is some peoples whole paycheck, (actually still happening)
my favorite metrocard was like $52 for a two-week unlimited which was discontinued
and never reconsidered, tourists liked the all-day $7 pass

basically, it is expensive to be broke
and the shutdown proved that many are broke without that next paycheck...

and living beyond your means in the 20teens is survival not always irresponsible

even W Fargo made amends with overdraft rewind

as a cynical genxer, I appreciate the millennial efforts -
afterpay
WP
mattresses in a box
levelup
stichfix
earnin
(and all of the Black people who thought of this stuff first)

lastly, you are a GOOD friend, not an enabler...




  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

handle
Charter member
17149 posts
Sat Apr-20-19 04:54 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
94. "Friendship over with dude on the couch"
In response to Reply # 0


          

He basically stayed here on/off until April 5th. (Homeless and staying at my house around 3 months in total.)

I had loaned him up to that point $2600 - and had him sign paper saying he'd pay me back within 1 week of getting his inheritance - or the end of May, *whichever came first.*


On Friday April 5th he got the money for inheritance, which was basically like $55k . I loaned him $100 on that day for uBers/other stuff to make sure he could get to the lawyers, then the bank.

He got the money in an account, but could only access like $6k that first day, the rest might take until Tuesday. He got a hotel that night and hasn't stayed here since.

That Thursday April 11th I asked him via text when he was paying me back. It'd been a week since he got the money - and I expected for him to ask for a week from when he got all of it - that would have been fine.

Instead he sent me an animated GIF playing it off. He texted a few times over the next week but never mentioned money.

In the meantime I got a bunch of mail for him (he was using my address for the bank account) which was like his opening statement, his checks, a new ATM card/etc.

I didn't see him until Thursday April 18th, when he came over to pick the stuff up. I asked him how it's going - did he get a place/etc. But I also asked him to pay me the money, and that I'd take a check, and he played it off like "I'll pay you the money" but didn't give a date or even a reason as to why he couldn't do it that day - or on a day certain. (It wasn't a joke to me.)

So last night I wrote him an email asking to be paid immediately, reminding him the terms of the loan, and saying it was weighing on my mind and that I felt disrespected.

Well he PayPal'd me $1500 today, and he says he's sending another $1200 tomorrow but he also said this:

"Coming at me with an email like this because you cant wait a few days for the payment is kind of bullshit. You feel disrespected? Thats ridiculous.
I appreciate being able to stay at your house even though you where mostly as asshole the whole time, but thats fine. You'll get the rest of your payment, tomorrow
I'll expect an email to stating that you've been repaid once from you , then I think were done man."

I am a little hurt - but I think I realize that our friendship was probably done BEFORE he got in need. But still it's disappointing that someone I've known for 30 years would somehow come at ME for loaning them money, and letting them stay at my house (and eating my food) and it to end like this.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
Cam
Charter member
13266 posts
Sat Apr-20-19 07:05 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
95. "He'll tear through that little $55K by December"
In response to Reply # 94


  

          

You should be celebrating the friendship's end.

And will be asking you to stay on the sofa again as soon as it's cold out.
On your sofa, for free, borrowing thousands of dollars, interest free, and calling you the asshole.

SMH

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

        
Brew
Member since Nov 23rd 2002
20981 posts
Sat Apr-20-19 08:26 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy listClick to send message via AOL IM
96. "My jaw is on the floor."
In response to Reply # 95


          

handle you're a saint man. I'd have choked this dude out years ago.

----------------------------------------

"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
Case_One
Charter member
54687 posts
Sat Apr-20-19 08:35 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
97. "Get your money and NEVER LOOK BACK."
In response to Reply # 94


          


.
.
“Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.” ~ Albert Einstein

"I cannot see how nature could have created itself. Only a supernatural force that is outside of space and time could have done that. ~ Francis Collins

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

        
tomjohn29
Member since Oct 18th 2004
16530 posts
Sun Apr-21-19 07:54 AM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy listClick to send message via AOL IM
98. "^^^^^"
In response to Reply # 97


  

          

getting the money back and losing the friend is the best situation

______________________________________

Navem nu, cuando sol
Tutu nu, vondo nos nu
Vita em, no continous non
Nos nu ekta nos sepe ta, amen

When the sun shades the ship
We sweat and life is not safe
To swim or to touch not
When we unite we hedge amen

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

            
Case_One
Charter member
54687 posts
Mon Apr-22-19 09:33 AM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
104. "That dude was never his friend. He just didn't know it."
In response to Reply # 98


          

.
.
“Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.” ~ Albert Einstein

"I cannot see how nature could have created itself. Only a supernatural force that is outside of space and time could have done that. ~ Francis Collins

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                
handle
Charter member
17149 posts
Mon Apr-22-19 12:14 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
105. "^^I think he was no longer a real friend"
In response to Reply # 104


          

I met dude back in 1990 - before Public Enemy's Fear of a Black Planet dropped.

I think the friendship ended a few years back but we'd still hang out once a month or less as time went on.

But when he's in need I think all of his other friends are like "Tough shit" and I wasn't - because who wants to see someone on the streets?

I think he's lost other friends over time - I wonder if its a similar situation - I'll talk to a few of them and see.

I wonder if we could have gotten on Judge Mathis if he didn't pay me back.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                    
Creole
Charter member
15403 posts
Mon Apr-22-19 12:23 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
107. "If y'all are no longer cool/friends, why do you care what others..."
In response to Reply # 105
Mon Apr-22-19 12:25 PM by Creole

  

          

think of him?

>"I'll talk to a few of them and see."

Cut your losses and let the energy go.

If you do that, those cats may wanna know why you're asking about someone they don't deal with. Then, you'd potentially and unnecessarily be telling that guy's business.

Let it ride and K.I.M.

--- praying for peace, love, and power

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                    
Case_One
Charter member
54687 posts
Mon Apr-22-19 12:40 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
108. "Dude, you're acting like to enjoy the drama. "
In response to Reply # 105


          

You've been told too many times before to move one even before the last lone. But even now you're acting like to can't let go.


.
.
“Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.” ~ Albert Einstein

"I cannot see how nature could have created itself. Only a supernatural force that is outside of space and time could have done that. ~ Francis Collins

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Sun Apr-21-19 09:39 AM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
99. "Damn. Any friend that makes you feel guilty for wanting to be repaid"
In response to Reply # 94


          

Isn’t a real friend.

He will come knocking too.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

        
Brew
Member since Nov 23rd 2002
20981 posts
Sun Apr-21-19 07:54 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy listClick to send message via AOL IM
102. "This can't really be understated."
In response to Reply # 99


          

>RE: Damn. Any friend that makes you feel guilty for wanting to be repaid
>Isn’t a real friend.

Nevermind all the other shit. You loaned him money, your money, money you may or may not have needed. That's kinda besides the point .. it's YOUR FUCKING MONEY, and dude had promised to repay upon receipt of his inheritance ... and he has the balls to get angry with YOU for following up on the subject of repayment, a subject which he's been ignoring ???

Fuck this dude forever. There is not a single circumstance in which it is inappropriate for someone to ask about repayment of a loan. Not a single one.

----------------------------------------

"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

            
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Mon Apr-22-19 08:36 AM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
103. "I will admit"
In response to Reply # 102


          

I kinda understand why folks get mad when you ask to be repaid. Most people who borrow money or freeload have a weird relationship with money so when they finally get a few coins they want to enjoy that feeling.

Asking for your money makes you a creditor in their eyes.

Weird thing that happened to my wife one time is a girl lived with us a for a few and promised to pay at the end of her stay when she got her stipend for graduate school. But then she slipped up and said she had to dip into her savings. Fuuuuck that. I made her pay fast as fuck. She tried to use those tears. Then she turned around and said she would stay with some close friends who were going to charge her a shit load to stay.

Haven’t heard from her since.

It’s wild how close friends charge up front but still have the friend label. The people they try to get over ok aren’t viewed as friends. More like suckers.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                
Brew
Member since Nov 23rd 2002
20981 posts
Mon Apr-22-19 12:46 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy listClick to send message via AOL IM
109. "Yea it's wild."
In response to Reply # 103


          

I get what you're saying re: the psychology behind it but I still don't get it in practice. Like I think we've all been the borrower in a friendship, late to pay someone back. I definitely have. And in any instance where someone had to come to me twice (I've only let that happen a few times, fortunately) asking for repayment my response was embarrassment and coyness not anger.

----------------------------------------

"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                
Monkey Genius
Member since Mar 04th 2005
8064 posts
Mon Apr-22-19 01:35 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
110. "This:"
In response to Reply # 103
Mon Apr-22-19 01:35 PM by Monkey Genius

  

          

>Most people who borrow money or freeload have a weird
>relationship with money so when they finally get a few coins
>they want to enjoy that feeling.

He prolly INTENDED to pay it back at some point, but handle fucking up his high talking that sober shit right now.

He'd've ran through before he ever got to his obligations.

----------------------------------
I have a webcomic: www.watchthecomic.com

My webcomic has a page: www.facebook.com/watchyourheadcomic

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                    
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Mon Apr-22-19 04:10 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
111. "I knew a dude in college who hit a parked car"
In response to Reply # 110


          

left a note with his info so he could repay the damage

Then got mad when they called for the payment because in his mind her dad fixed the car so why was she tripping about getting repaid.

I asked him why he left a note if he didn’t intend on paying and couldn’t grasp how much of an asshole he was for that shit.

Dude was mad as shit they kept asking for their money.

But he intended to pay them if he ever won the lottery or money fell from the sky so that’s why he left the note. Said it was fucked up if we wouldn’t have left a note.

Dude was fucking gone. It wasn’t even his car he was driving.

He also had a bag of dirty clothes in his room that spontaneously combusted into flames.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                        
handle
Charter member
17149 posts
Mon Apr-22-19 04:31 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
112. "This sounds like a Seinfeld epsiode"
In response to Reply # 111


          

>left a note with his info so he could repay the damage
>
>Then got mad when they called for the payment because in his
>mind her dad fixed the car so why was she tripping about
>getting repaid.
>
>I asked him why he left a note if he didn’t intend on paying
>and couldn’t grasp how much of an asshole he was for that
>shit.
>
>Dude was mad as shit they kept asking for their money.
>
>But he intended to pay them if he ever won the lottery or
>money fell from the sky so that’s why he left the note. Said
>it was fucked up if we wouldn’t have left a note.
>
>Dude was fucking gone. It wasn’t even his car he was
>driving.
>
>He also had a bag of dirty clothes in his room that
>spontaneously combusted into flames.

He's George AND Kramer.

It made me LOL.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                            
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Mon Apr-22-19 05:43 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
113. "He also tried to walk a kitten on a leash like a dog"
In response to Reply # 112


          

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
isaaaa
Member since May 10th 2007
30565 posts
Sun Apr-21-19 11:56 AM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy listClick to send message via AOL IM
100. "Once he comes back, don't take him back."
In response to Reply # 94


          


Anti-gentrification, cheap alcohol & trying to look pretty in our twilight posting years (c) Big Reg
http://Tupreme.com

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
Reeq
Member since Mar 11th 2013
11941 posts
Mon Apr-22-19 12:19 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
106. "a small price to pay for his true character to be revealed to you"
In response to Reply # 94


  

          

in the grand scheme of things.

could you imagine if the roles were reversed and you needed *him* to lean on in a similar or worse situation?

thank jah for the clarity.



------

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
handle
Charter member
17149 posts
Sat Jul-11-20 07:33 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
117. "Dude on couch update"
In response to Reply # 94


          

Hadn't heard from him since then.

But this morning a mutual friend calls me and asks if I got an email from couch dude? I hadn't - but my friend tells me he got an email and it sounds pretty much like a suicide note.

Dude's homeless again (1 year after inheriting 40k), and talking wild crazy in the email about being depressed- and said the message was sent out on an automated timer.

Good news: About 6 hours later they locate dude because he calls someone.

But I think he's burned every bridge and not sure that in America there's anyone who can help him. He's not a veteran - eh's not on SSI - he's not 65 - so he's really on his own.

Crazy thing is - some of us could end up in that situation relatively quickly.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

handle
Charter member
17149 posts
Mon Aug-05-19 01:24 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
115. "More updates to vent (How can you be a friend to someone like this?)"
In response to Reply # 0


          

So the friend who I let stay with me is no longer part of any story.

But my friend who the overdraft fees taken and needed to get a roomate has updates.

1)He had a roommate who beat him up pretty bad the day he was moving out.

No idea why - I suspect the roommate (mid 20's guy) couldn't take living with him and gave notice. (My friend would be the worst possible roommate - home 24 hours a day, eats smelly foods, smokes pot, doesn't clean, house is a mess, bathroom is a mess.)

But the roommate also sounded like a hot head asshole - plus my friend would not have de-escalated anything ever.

Cops called twice (once a few days before move out) and once on the day of move out. My friend has visible busing on chin, cuts on knees (from scuffling/grappling) and a possible cracked rib (X-ray results not back yet.) No one arrested.

Basically friend is depressed and doesn't realize that having roommates is basically his JOB now. Since he's on SSI and is renting a room in the house for greater than 50% of rent he has some duties such a:
Make sure house is semi inviting.
Make sure gross shit is cleaned up.
Try to give the other person privacy when possible.

Also dude has like 10,000 toys/bric-a-brac stren around the house colelcting dust, being worth 0 money, and not doing anyone any good.

I went and helped him move a bunch of DVDs/CDs/Books onto bookshelves and off the ground, then to use the breakfast nook area to store boxes. I want him to put anything he hasn't used in 1 year into a box to minimize clutter.

Also if you never need it again then throw it away or sell it.

So in about 3 hours we made a small dent - but he needs to continue it.

If he loses this place he'll defiantly also lose ALL of his shit anyways.


How can I be a friend with someone like this? Do I disengage?


------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Mon Aug-05-19 01:35 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
116. "You know who he is... so you can’t blame him for being him "
In response to Reply # 115


          

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
handle
Charter member
17149 posts
Sun Apr-04-21 12:45 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
118. "More Drama/updates"
In response to Reply # 115


          

>So the friend who I let stay with me is no longer part of any
>story.
>
>But my friend who the overdraft fees taken and needed to get a
>roomate has updates.
>
>So the friend who I let stay with me is no longer part of any
>story.
>
>But my friend who the overdraft fees taken and needed to get a
>roomate has updates.

So he got another roommate for 5 months.

Last night at 10pm he calls me - he's cursing out his roommate, out of breath and calling because they are "tussling." (Not sure how physical it got.)

He tells me his roommate is moving out without paying rent and becuase of that he's going to hold all of his shit until dude pays up. He says dude has a BUNCH of pot plants - way more than legal - and he's not paying rent so he's "not taking shit out the house!!!"

I tell him - you're right - dude owes rent - but you should let him take his shit and get out of the house as soon as possible so he doesn't beat you up like the last guy.

His roommate comes out of his room at this point and I hear him saying "Are you done yet?? " Like he's belittling my friend - and my friend is not taking it well.

He's out of control, calling the other dude a bitch and repeating "YOU OWE ME RENT YOU LITTLE BITCH!!!" Like repeating it A LOT.

He won't listen to a word I say. I hang up and start texting him "De-escalate this. Go some place safe."

About an hour later my friend texts me back . He says dude has been a great roommate to that point - by which he means the dude is barely there and they barely interact.

He says "Dude suddenly says 'I'm too loud, keeping him up all night and he doesn't trust me.'"

Now between you and me - my friend is home 24/7, sleeps during daylight hours and has a BIG stereo (my old stereo) and plays video games all night - so he's DEFINTELY keeping his roommate up.

I'm going to tell him he needs to seek the help of a professional - he's on SSI and maybe someone can help him - a social worker or a doctor.

My advice has always been "Get rid of a lot of your shit so the roommate feels they have some ownership of some of the space. Take an hour a day to clean up - because roommates will leave if the house is stinky. And get first + last rent because a lot of roommates will leave without notice - it's just going to be that way."


So my friend is destined to lose that house and all of his shit.

In better news I take him to get his second vaccine shot on Tuesday.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

        
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Mon Apr-05-21 12:11 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
119. "your friend sounds exhausting"
In response to Reply # 118


          

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

            
handle
Charter member
17149 posts
Mon Apr-05-21 12:50 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
120. "FUCKING A!"
In response to Reply # 119


          

Dudes out of control when things happen - I'm really going to push him to get a social worker to help him.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

            
rdhull
Charter member
32158 posts
Mon Apr-05-21 09:51 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
121. "He's a fucking loser"
In response to Reply # 119


  

          

>

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Tue Apr-06-21 07:49 AM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
122. "No wonder Handle been snappin lately"
In response to Reply # 121


          

that “friend” has him on the edge

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                    
rdhull
Charter member
32158 posts
Tue Apr-06-21 12:15 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
127. "he should have cut him loose years ago"
In response to Reply # 122


  

          

>that “friend” has him on the edge

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

soulfunk
Charter member
9365 posts
Tue Apr-06-21 08:06 AM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
123. "All of this feels like a plot to a second rate Christopher Nolan film..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

With the entire story told in reverse like Memento. In the first and second acts the audience wonders why handle keeps caring enough to help these friends as stuff keeps happening and escalating. In the third act, backwards in time, we see that handle did a murder and the friends helped hide the body (from ThaTruth in post 69), then at the end of the movie we flash all the way back to the beginning and see that the friends actually framed handle for the murder, and only hid the body long enough to get away with all the ish from the first two acts. Post credit scene with the police finding the evidence based o a tip from the friends (who are now overseas with new identities based on stealing handle's credit info) and arresting handle.

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

handle
Charter member
17149 posts
Tue Apr-06-21 09:18 AM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
124. "Looking over this thread.... they are probably "losers'' now"
In response to Reply # 0


          

Two facts are that he is long long time friend and he has some mental problems that aren't caused by moral failings or a character defect but are biologically determined.

*But yeah even with all that he might ALSO just be a loser.*

My other friend (dude who I let stay here for months) certainly turned out to be a loser. He wasn't in the 90's and the 00's. But in the '10s ad '20s he certainly went that route.

Let's hope for their sakes they get "second acts." I can't help with that at all - that's outside of my power.

There's something in me that wants to help them solve their problems - and clearly they aren't willing to have that happen

I think what I'm worried about is is that I could turn into a loser too - and a lot could be circumstance.

I mean if I lost my job or I was sued for some reason (car accident???) I could eat through all my savings pretty quickly and there's NOTHING in American to help me. I could be on the streets if things went bad.

In 2007-2008 when I had trouble getting a job my mother helped me through it until I did find a job, but I was also willing/capable to take the help.

And in 1995 when I was in trouble I took a loan of about $800 from a friend that really saved my bacon. (I paid him back a little at a time - but I paid him as soon as I could and kept the line of communication open the entire time.)

From 1988-1995 I was DEFINTELY a loser.

But people have to be willing to take help and even then it's not my responsibility to save them.

Maybe this is some sort of modified "Captain Save a Hoe" scenario??

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Tue Apr-06-21 10:03 AM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
126. "I think being a loser is intentionally using friends"
In response to Reply # 124


          

and fucking over every opportunity to help yourself when given help.

trying and failing is one thing..

but it sounds like dude isn’t even trying to keep a roommate.

and you are picking him up to take him to get his second dose because???? Dude is using you as a crutch.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
rdhull
Charter member
32158 posts
Tue Apr-06-21 12:17 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
128. "so now your rationalizing..whoo boy"
In response to Reply # 124


  

          

>Two facts are that he is long long time friend and he has
>some mental problems that aren't caused by moral failings or a
>character defect but are biologically determined.
>
>*But yeah even with all that he might ALSO just be a loser.*
>
>My other friend (dude who I let stay here for months)
>certainly turned out to be a loser. He wasn't in the 90's and
>the 00's. But in the '10s ad '20s he certainly went that
>route.
>
>Let's hope for their sakes they get "second acts." I can't
>help with that at all - that's outside of my power.
>
>There's something in me that wants to help them solve their
>problems - and clearly they aren't willing to have that happen
>
>
>I think what I'm worried about is is that I could turn into a
>loser too - and a lot could be circumstance.
>
>I mean if I lost my job or I was sued for some reason (car
>accident???) I could eat through all my savings pretty quickly
>and there's NOTHING in American to help me. I could be on the
>streets if things went bad.
>
>In 2007-2008 when I had trouble getting a job my mother helped
>me through it until I did find a job, but I was also
>willing/capable to take the help.
>
>And in 1995 when I was in trouble I took a loan of about $800
>from a friend that really saved my bacon. (I paid him back a
>little at a time - but I paid him as soon as I could and kept
>the line of communication open the entire time.)
>
>From 1988-1995 I was DEFINTELY a loser.
>
>But people have to be willing to take help and even then it's
>not my responsibility to save them.
>
>Maybe this is some sort of modified "Captain Save a Hoe"
>scenario??

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

        
Cold Truth
Member since Jan 28th 2004
41953 posts
Tue Apr-06-21 01:12 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
129. "He cares about his friends. "
In response to Reply # 128


  

          

I think for people to sit here and call them losers or what have you is a bit much.

Yes, they're toxic.
Yes, they're clearly causing him some measure of harm.
Yes, they seem like hopeless cases.

We can go on.

IMO he's reached a point where he needs to make a choice, because he's allowing them to bring their toxicity and instability to his doorstep.

There are a million reasons why he's doing that, and it's not a simple thing to cut those ties.

But to just flat out call them losers is doing way too much. This is clearly a sounding board for him to deal with it, and there's practical advise that he probably needs to hear, for his own well being.

But shitting on his people ain't it. There are better ways to describe and discuss their lot in life than wholesale labels like "loser", because that encompasses a lot while minimalizing the serious issues they clearly have.

You, as a mental health professional, should have a bit more compassion here.

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

            
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Tue Apr-06-21 08:03 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
136. "hmm.. I dont think the labels are that important"
In response to Reply # 129


          

a toxic friend is no better or worse than a loser friend. A loser is just a person who chooses not to try and win at life. They threw in the towel and are just waiting on death.

A toxic person spreads their shit around. They infect other people in hopes it will
cure their sickness faster.


given what is being presented it doesn’t leave much room for positive reinforcement. I think both labels are spot on.

I could see if it handles updates were on some “he roams the streets at night and cant find his way home” but most of the updates are things most of us are familiar with and prolly had experience with with friends who weren’t shit aka losers/toxic ass people.

We all have to make choices on how much we are willing to put up with. Handle can handle more of this obviously but we already know how this ends. Either you cut the line and let dude sink or swim or keep paddling for him.

Most people will swim when they realize no one is going to do the paddling for them anymore.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                
Cold Truth
Member since Jan 28th 2004
41953 posts
Wed Apr-07-21 01:31 AM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
137. "I re-read that, and honestly, I was projecting my own shit into this. yo..."
In response to Reply # 136


  

          

My family is brimming with toxicity, but I view each person through a different lense. We're in the thick of a situation where I feel one person is being viewed far too harshly, even though the actions themselves are pretty fucked up.

I re-read my post in here, and it's a lot of what I've said in her defense. So I'm pretty sure I was just in my personal feelings and projecting.

I still think it matters how we view people in these situations, but I don't even know to what degree, or even if that's valid. Because you're right- the labels toxic and loser are six and a half dozen. 1

I do know that we all have to choose how much we engage with people that bring nothing but detritus to our doorstep, and handle has kind of taken up something of a martyr mantle when he's well past what a lot of us would view as an obvious and charitable cutoff point.

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                    
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Wed Apr-07-21 12:01 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
139. "daps. agree 100%"
In response to Reply # 137


          

I have family and a few old friends who used to bring that stuff to my doorstep.

Its draining and you have to keep those people at a distance.

I have one cousin who constantly does that shit on FB.

“No one loves me, I just want to go to the store but no one will take me”

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                
jimi
Charter member
4522 posts
Wed Apr-07-21 07:28 AM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
138. "true shit.."
In response to Reply # 136


  

          


@silentintellect

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

        
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Tue Apr-06-21 01:12 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
130. "you see it"
In response to Reply # 128


          

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

            
rdhull
Charter member
32158 posts
Tue Apr-06-21 02:38 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
131. "BEEN seen it"
In response to Reply # 130


  

          

Funny thing is, handle is always yelling ready cut crazy shit off and reduce it for half as much as this so called friend has done but this longstanding bullshit he hangs on to?

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Tue Apr-06-21 03:59 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
132. "its that white mass shooter response “where did it all go wrong?”"
In response to Reply # 131


          

he was having a bad day..

it could happen to anyone...

but let someone question Biden’s voting record and its “Ayo bitch!!!.. fuck you, yo momma and yo granny”

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                    
handle
Charter member
17149 posts
Tue Apr-06-21 04:59 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
133. "Hey - this response kind of says a lot about you?"
In response to Reply # 132


          

Really???My friend how can't keep a roommate and it's stressing me out is akin to making excuses for a MASS SHOOTER.???

FOH.

>but let someone question Biden’s voting record and its
>“Ayo bitch!!!.. fuck you, yo momma and yo granny”

Your past points about Biden were nearly all talking points from the insane right wing or the left wing -- candidates that can win a small congressional race but not carry a state wide race. Ideas that LOST. And most of the time *completely disingenuous.*

And if your granny co-signs those points then fuck her too - but in good health with a roof over her head.


Note: If the friend was losing his roommates because he was a Trump supporter or Q shit or anarchist shit then I wouldn't help or care at much all.

Dude's mentally ill, is not allowed to work, is not capable of working and is POOR as fuck. Money (directed at rent, healthcare, food) would solve these problems - it's not addiction or violence or theft of sloth. (Or being WHITE. Or having a bad day and SHOOTING people.)

And I can't change it.


------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                        
rdhull
Charter member
32158 posts
Tue Apr-06-21 05:25 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
134. "does he have any supportive family?"
In response to Reply # 133


  

          

>Really???My friend how can't keep a roommate and it's
>stressing me out is akin to making excuses for a MASS
>SHOOTER.???
>
>FOH.
>
>>but let someone question Biden’s voting record and its
>>“Ayo bitch!!!.. fuck you, yo momma and yo granny”
>
>Your past points about Biden were nearly all talking points
>from the insane right wing or the left wing -- candidates that
>can win a small congressional race but not carry a state wide
>race. Ideas that LOST. And most of the time *completely
>disingenuous.*
>
>And if your granny co-signs those points then fuck her too -
>but in good health with a roof over her head.
>
>
>Note: If the friend was losing his roommates because he was a
>Trump supporter or Q shit or anarchist shit then I wouldn't
>help or care at much all.
>
>Dude's mentally ill, is not allowed to work, is not capable of
>working and is POOR as fuck. Money (directed at rent,
>healthcare, food) would solve these problems - it's not
>addiction or violence or theft of sloth. (Or being WHITE. Or
>having a bad day and SHOOTING people.)
>
>And I can't change it.
>
>
>

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                        
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Tue Apr-06-21 07:39 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
135. "lmao"
In response to Reply # 133
Tue Apr-06-21 07:47 PM by legsdiamond

          

no, it says a lot about you.

I mean, at some point you have to realize you are hanging your friends out to dry on here but then thew in a “but I could be a loser and I WAS a loser”

maybe its just an old ass weed head who like to play video games at night.

or maybe this is some loser porn shit


****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

Cold Truth
Member since Jan 28th 2004
41953 posts
Tue Apr-06-21 09:24 AM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
125. "At this point, any stress he causes you is your fault. "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

That's just what it is.

We can be well-meaning, with an honest desire to care for and help the people we love, but when the people we love are toxic, there comes a point where all you're doing is enabling them to wreak havoc on your own life.

And that's where you are with this one.

You can choose to keep them around, trying to help as best you can, but any stress or grief or simple annoyance he brings to your life at this point is on you.

You've been a good friend. You've done more, and put up with more, than most people would, or than is even reasonable to expect.

But you're the one who decides who you allow in your circle, which means you allow whatever baggage they bring into your circle as well.

For some people, that understanding allows them to continue to try their best to help, because they just accept that the stress is part of the deal.

For others, that realization allows them to put their own well-being (resources included) to the forefront, and they either cut bait or taken an extreme arms length stance.

But others? They know, but they can't bring themselves to cut those toxic people off. So they ride out it, stressed, in grief over watching those they care about essentially waste away, while contributing to all of it.

Thing is, there's nothing noble about sticking around at this point.

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
Buddy_Gilapagos
Charter member
45929 posts
Wed Apr-07-21 01:41 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
140. "Man this post went from all of saying, Yeah Big Banks are F'd up"
In response to Reply # 125


  

          

and screwing the little man to....your boy his own worst enemy.

I was talking to this co-worker and at the beginning of her story I kept being like "damn I feel bad because shit keeps breaking the wrong way for you" but then at some point after so many stories I was like, "damn, maybe you the problem."

Neither POV is right or wrong in my opinion. SOme times it is a little of both.



**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

        
legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69266 posts
Wed Apr-07-21 03:15 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
141. "banks are shitty when it comes to late fees"
In response to Reply # 140


          

but like you said.. the more you hear the more its “hold up, this aint adding up”

so his man didn’t open a new account or pay the fee.. or wake up during business hiurs and do what he said he would do?

well now..

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

Lobby General Discussion topic #13298692 Previous topic | Next topic
Powered by DCForum+ Version 1.25
Copyright © DCScripts.com