"Poll question: Would you pay off your (not good with money) SO's credit card debt?" Fri Jul-27-18 10:22 AM by Vector
You're in a good relationship and you have money in the bank. Your SO, who is not very good with money, has a credit card debt of about $5000. You can easily pay it off. Would you?
Edit - assume the SO has never, ever hinted at or expected this action.
"You can take an African out of Africa, but you can't take Africa out of the African" Afro-Americana/Afro-Caribbana/Afro-Latino unite. We are ALL Black!
18. "honestly hard to say" In response to Reply # 15 Fri Jul-27-18 11:06 AM by ambient1
Like... most of me is kicking myself because I'm in a hole and need to rescue myself but I rescued my SO
hindsight is ....idk....like at the time, it was done for a specific reason with the intentions on US being able to move forward with our plans
but that didn't happen......and it was all for nothing on my end
and I can't say right now that I wouldn't do it again because I ALWAYS try to do all that I am able to do for my SO...i'm selfless in some regards to my own detriment but it also strengthens me in an odd sorta way
20. "I have and would not do again..." In response to Reply # 0
In my situation, I felt we were building towards something which didnt end up materializing..
Turns out that the monetary situation she was in was indicative of her habits and attitudes towards money and overall responsibility
Ironically, when she came into an unexpected financial windfall afterward and I asked about reciprocity being that I put myself in the hole trying to remedy her situation- you can guess what her response was..
>In my situation, I felt we were building towards something >which didnt end up materializing.. high probability
>Turns out that the monetary situation she was in was >indicative of >her habits and attitudes towards money and overall >responsibility if you really want to help someone, help them change their habits
>Ironically, when she came into an unexpected financial >windfall afterward > and I asked about reciprocity being that I put myself in the >hole trying to >remedy her situation- you can guess what her response was..
>Ironically, when she came into an unexpected financial >windfall afterward > and I asked about reciprocity being that I put myself in the >hole trying to >remedy her situation- you can guess what her response was.. >
24. "Hell no" In response to Reply # 0 Fri Jul-27-18 11:17 AM by sectachrome86
besides, if they are bad with money, what is someone else just paying it off for them going to teach them? And what kind of precedent does that set for the rest of your relationship possibly moving into marriage?
28. "I assume "bad w money" means makes enough but wastes alot" In response to Reply # 0
If that's the case, I'd need to see a change or positive trend in behavior first and then I might provide some assistance... I'd still want her to pay most of it off, though, just so she can appreciate the difficulty of paying off debt, which may motivate her to never get in that position again.
29. "Why are you doing it? " In response to Reply # 0
Because you can?
Are you flexing on her?
Is this a PERSONAL flex, where you're just proud of yourself that you're in the position to do it? Are you getting your ethical fap on for doing a majorly good deed?
I'm not casting apsersions on your motivations either way, but I think this is something you need to think about, as to why you're motivated to do this instead of maybe walking your S.O. thru the process of getting a Capital One card and fixing her shit herself?
My WIFE tried to help me with some shit - actually, she INSISTED. And it pissed me off, because there was a personal hurdle I was trying to overcome and I didn't want any interference. I wanted to know for myself that I hadn't become so dependent that I couldn't resolve _______. Sometimes even GROWN FOLKS need that.
It's definitely something yu'all should talk about first.
Why isn't she good with $$$? Where does that come from? Is it fixable or is this gonna be her whole thing down the line? What are your expectations if you do this for her? What if she end up 'chalked' again?
44. "It depends if it would solve the problem. " In response to Reply # 0
If she got cc debt because she had medical bills that she needed to use cc's to pay. Sure.
If she has it because women be shopping and that hasn't changed, paying off the debt wouldn't necessarily fix anything. She could just as easily run it back up.
Paying off the debt would only just create a moral hazard where she doesn't really learn anything about overspending.
SOmeone else said it, the big question is what's your motivation for doing it and would it solve anything in the long term to do.
********** "Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson
45. "It depends if it would solve the problem. " In response to Reply # 0
If she got cc debt because she had medical bills that she needed to use cc's to pay. Sure.
If she has it because women be shopping and that hasn't changed, paying off the debt wouldn't necessarily fix anything. She could just as easily run it back up.
Paying off the debt would only just create a moral hazard where she doesn't really learn anything about overspending.
SOmeone else said it, the big question is what's your motivation for doing it and would it solve anything in the long term to do.
********** "Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson
55. "It's the "reduces stress" part I want to emphasize" In response to Reply # 47
>>Seriously, if I had a SO that i expected to be with for a >long >>time and that 5K payment would decrease stress then I'd >>probably just do it. >> >>
As some people said this could INCREASE stress in your relationship too, only you really know.
Examples: You could resent her because she took the money. You could try to leverage the payment to "win" other arguments. She could get back into 5K debt and you could feel like you wasted money. She could resent you because she feels your using the money as leverage. ETC.
So a lot of this comes down to how YOU feel using YOUR money. If you honestly feel fine with it and think she'll be fine with it then do it.
you could do it for the noblest reason(s), for someone who deserves it, and they could be like 'Well I didn't ask you to do that.' and they'd be right.
and thass cool, if you're cool with that. I just recently came around to the fact that I can be petty, and if you don't meet my 'gratitude reserve' or you have prior offenses, I'm not above throing that shit in your face. But that's flawed, and that's me right now.
But money is the ultimate relationship breaker-upper probly besides infidelity. If this is gonna alleviate a potential situation or whatever...only YOU really know.
just don't rush into anything. and do it for the right reasons. protect yo heart, three stacks...or sumthin.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79594 posts
Fri Jul-27-18 03:27 PM
52. "Only if I was whipped" In response to Reply # 0
I paid a bill off for my ex because she had that bomb phenom
wish I hadn’t tho
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
54. " Teach her to fish. Don't just give her money." In response to Reply # 0
I gave my sis 5k. I really believed that she needed financial help and gave her a LARGE sum of money. I am thinking she would be responsible, pay down her car, resolve some debts with her apartment.
3 years later, she was living with me and driving my car. She used the money to start her "real estate business", she was fired from her job and evicted from her apartment. She paid me back half. But she was no better than if I never gave her the money.
It was my wake up call that she is very irresponsible and she feels no remorse, worry or concern about her circumstances.
People in these situations are often unaware of how to manage money. I liken it to the lottery winners who lose everything.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79594 posts
Fri Jul-27-18 07:37 PM
56. "thats why you don't GIVE her the money" In response to Reply # 54
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
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