So my biggest dream in life, from a career standpoint, has been to make "something" of myself with my music. That's been goal #1, 2, and 3. I've had several pockets of opportunity to go a little further, but have never capitalized. In fact, I've almost always found a way to completely fold, convincing myself it's a waste of time, and going through long spells where I'd shut it down or treat it as mere recreation. But the dream has never died.

The last several months, I've found myself gaining momentum on a project and that I've been shaping. I've recently been handed a few curveballs of opportunity, to differing degrees.

The biggest is with a singer, and I now have the opportunity to submit tracks. Basically this person is the sister of a close friend of my wife's, and that's the only reason I have this shot. I finally gambled and made an overture, and she granted me an email to forward tracks. Now, I knew she already had a foot in the industry. I was excited at the opportunity, though it's left of what I do. After we met and I made my introduction, I started digging and discovered that she's far more entrenched then I realized.

She's done a fair amount of work with well-established, top tier entities. Plural. And relatively recent. After I found that out, I completely caved, for a few days. The words "what the hell was I thinking?" repeated over and over. Suddenly, this is more than I can chew, a task bigger then anything I can conceive of pulling off.

And frankly, that's the pattern with me and opportunity. It's something deeply ingrained. I'm chipping away at it, whatever "it" is. I know where it comes from, and why it's there, but it's hard to kick. It's very easy to shrink back, to tell myself this isn't for me, and rationalize why I just let something die on the vine.

Naturally one of those rationalizations is fear of failure and rejection. I'm redirecting my effort and energy to take full advantage of this opportunity, but there's still this idea that I'm not good enough to bring the sort of quality she'll require to even warrant a second listen.

Meanwhile, I see people talk about how they relish a particular challenge. I'm trying to get some of that mojo, where I'm excited and driven *by* the challenge, instead of deterred by it.

I can't possibly be alone in that, can I?

I doubt that I'm alone in that.

more matter of factly I love being outside my comfort zone with no parachute
If I think i can do something...then i wont give my full attention to it...from the outside it seems like self sabatoge but in actuality its more of a self awareness that i wont put my all into it

and for me failure is not real if you set your goals higher than what you are actually capable of doing
even if you "fail" you moved the needle closer to where you actually want to be

______________________________________

Navem nu, cuando sol
Tutu nu, vondo nos nu
Vita em, no continous non
Nos nu ekta nos sepe ta, amen

When the sun shades the ship
We sweat and life is not safe
To swim or to touch not
When we unite we hedge amen

______________________________________

Navem nu, cuando sol
Tutu nu, vondo nos nu
Vita em, no continous non
Nos nu ekta nos sepe ta, amen

When the sun shades the ship
We sweat and life is not safe
To swim or to touch not
When we unite we hedge amen

I deal with it to varying degrees. its always the battle of challenge vs obstacle. which view am I taking with whatever the latest opportunity is.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

One thing I noticed with the music biz and prolly every industry is the best don't make it all the time. Those who throw caution to the wind get CHOSE more often just because they put their shit out there.

Whatever is holding you back, kick it in the ass and send those tracks.

Worst thing that happens is she says nah but even if she does she may pass it along to someone else.

Don't make her decision for her.


my wife kicked me in the ass for shutting down after not getting a gig.

As my wife and I always tell each other "aint no time to hesitate at the gate, DO IT NOW!!!"

You got kids too bruh this could change their life.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

That's the thing that propels me. I see people all the time who I think are terrible and I'm like, well I know I am more talented than THAT person so I keep trying.

Now every now and then I see people who are God Body Talented and when I see them do there thing I want to quit, but them cats are sooo rare.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

As it stands, I'm geeked off the reactions of my current material.
I've got a couple heaters in the oven.

>One thing I noticed with the music biz and prolly every
>industry is the best don't make it all the time. Those who
>throw caution to the wind get CHOSE more often just because
>they put their shit out there.

This. This mindset is so difficult to maintain. I don’t particularly care to deal with disappointment these days, and in many ways it’s easier to just accept the status quo than to go for it.

>Whatever is holding you back, kick it in the ass and send
>those tracks.

For sure. I’ve been pretty good about keeping that old cynicism at the forefront, as opposed to letting it seep in deeper. I called a friend last week and just laid this out, and we wound up having a discussion on why I’m so inclined to shut it down when opportunity is so clearly knocking.

>Worst thing that happens is she says nah but even if she does
>she may pass it along to someone else.
>Don't make her decision for her.

Yo… that last line. Most insightful advice on anything I’ve received in a minute. I’ve genuinely never thought about it from that standpoint.

>my wife kicked me in the ass for shutting down after not
>getting a gig.

As well she should have.

>As my wife and I always tell each other "aint no time to
>hesitate at the gate, DO IT NOW!!!"
>
>You got kids too bruh this could change their life.

Agreed. More to the point, actually, I think it’s important to set the precedent for them. I can be the dad that tries to inspire them to take risk, to push themselves past the obstacles in their path from a perspective of wishful thinking in hindsight, or through walking out that example.

I’m pretty sure the better example is watching me make those moves, not hearing the wistful tales of coulda/woulda/shoulda.

There are actually a few irons in the fire on the music front. The real hard part here is managing expectations. I like the material, and the hard part will be pushing through to make something of it even if she rejects it. But I think I’m making progress on that front, just by acknowledging and speaking on the issue.

I had Reason but it was bootleg and asked for the CD one day so now I’m back on GarageBand. Mostly loops but also a few little bangers. My drums are weak tho.

My nephew is performing a lot in ATL so I’m just giving him pointers and mentoring him.

He hasn’t put together a solid song yet, it’s mostly collages but he doesn’t have strong hooks so I’m trying to get him to craft good songs. Also coming up with some solid for him because has ZERO hooks right now.

I still have one album in me tho. I have ideas, melodies, etc but it’s about dedicating time to

My issue is similar. I had no problem rocking the stage with a group but I never did any solo shit.

The real problem tho is focusing on one song at a time. I’m easily distracted so I will start a song then I hear another song/idea in my head lose focus then a baby cries or I remember I have to work in the morning.

I need to get a strict schedule for my creative outlets and stick to them.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

I got a homey who just did a whole album in garageband.. produced everythif and recorded..

Garageband is just logic lite so it def is possible these days...

Double 0
DJ/Producer/Artist
Producer in Kidz In The Hall
-------------------------------------------
twitter: @godouble0
IG: @godouble0
www.thinklikearapper.com

One thing that's helped is getting back to pressing in until the track develops, even when the initial concept is "eh" or "cool".

The the track develops into something worthwhile, and that in turn increases my desire to go back to work on the next session.

So if you're saying your drums are weak, maybe making that your focus will be what kicks that desire up a notch. You get a couple joints where the drums knock, and maybe you start getting an itch that overrides the excuses/reasons you have to do something else.

The two young children though? That's a tough one. There are a lot of logistical issues. It's gotten easier for me since my son has gotten a little more self sufficient and I to his own little world, but it's still demanding.

I got an IG message from someone established, regarding one of my old soundcloud joints.

I'm not reADY.

i CAN'T EVEN FIND THEM FILES.

I'm sure I came off sounding smug and above it all. I'm just washed bruh. I hate my life sometimes, but at 44 I'm not tryna be 'locked in the studio'...but that's what I gotta be ready for or I'm locked into this 9 to 5 til I RETIRE.



so whatcha gon do plair? get your game up or nah?

IG: amadu_me

"...Whateva, man..." (c) Redman

My ex share your way of thinking. I remember him laughing when I asked him the same question. I be pissed at him for laughing lol

I honestly didn’t/don’t get it. Failure is what helps us grow...

Like, How will you ever know...don’t you wanna know?

The word I should have used, in hindsight, is disappointment. That's the more tangible and relevant fear here.

Either way, your position is correct. I do want to know, and its ostensibly better to take those leaps.

But in general, I never developed the capacity to push through obstacles. I'd fight certain battles fiercely, but those were always a matter of principle or survival.

In terms of going out on a limb and shooting for things above my station, however? I put forth so much effort, dip my toe enough to seem like I had a credible shot, and daydream about the positive results. Going out on a limb means having hope, and hope means things hurt much more if it doesn't happen.

The few times I took that shot with an honest effort, results were dismal. I'm speaking in generalities here but this shit spans everything from job opportunities such as trykng my hand as a water well driller with pay far above what I could reasonably hope for, or trying to find a stable home as a kid, asking people I knew if they would be willing to take me in.

There are many spaces in between, but suffice it to say that this runs very deep. My tolerance for disappointment is extremely low, but that prevents me from gaining a higher stature in many ways. So while you're absolutely right, but this definitely requires some serious, assertive de-programming.

from the perspective of someone whom been let down.

My greatest has been my relationship with the ex. When he looked in my eyes and said, “I never want to disappoint someone, like I did you, ever again. Given that I knew the kind of man he was...I knew he was fucked up for fucking me up.

my let down wasn’t because of his actions that led us to this pace; it was the fact that he wouldn’t fight...he gave up! Especially since I’ve watched him fight through things far greater. Hence why I haven’t forgiven him and why I sought counseling.

I’m learning, everyone has to come into understanding him or herself in their own time. No matter how much i said, “we’re good”, “it’s fine”, “I love you”, “you can do it” - if he didn’t know how to deal with his inner man...I couldn’t save him.

I totally get it where you’re at and I wish you the best