https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2018/04/16/the-silence-the-legacy-of-childhood-trauma

--
the untold want by life and land ne'er granted
now voyager sail thou forth to seek and find

but I might actually read it now.

-30-
You know it's drama, but it sound real good.

It's hard to stop reading....

it's also '...wild triggering..' as Desus would say. I can't help but frame my past behaviors through the lens of the narrator. This shit kinda cathartic, man.

IG: amadu_me

"...Whateva, man..." (c) Redman

.

It was a very emotional, verbal, physically abusive space that fucked me up beyond belief, only problem is I didn't know it. Didn't figure out how messed up I actually was years afterwards. Partners would say I was distant and at times too cold.

The difference between me and Junot is no one would care and the people I lived with were good at masking their actions. I've tried my hardest not to become the monster that I'm supposed to be oftentimes to the detriment of happiness. I'm happy right now so life made up for it.

I definitely did this a few times:

"I had just reached my limit. I remember crying my eyes out the night before (in those days I never cried). I didn’t want to break up with her. I didn’t want to. But I couldn’t stand to be loved. To be seen.

Why? she asked. Why?

And I really had no answer."

Flat out told the person I'm going to hurt you emotionally without trying but it's not intentional that I just don't know what to do. Why couldn't this person I wasn't shit and they needed to move on in the first place?

This right here hit home too:

"No one can hide forever. Eventually what used to hold back the truth doesn’t work anymore. You run out of escapes, you run out of exits, you run out of gambits, you run out of luck. Eventually the past finds you."

He didn't try hard enough. It's plenty of ways to disappear and reappear as a new person....

---

The main issue here is not the hurt it's the realizing it too late part. Patrice O'Neal had an epiphany on Marc Maron's podcast similar to this and the statement rings true today:

What is the point of figuring out all this now?

No empathy for white misery (c) BDot

"root for everybody black haters say that's crazy, wow..."

...i'm seeing alot of women on twitter going in on him for using women's bodies to get through his pain...and that he's using hurt people hurt people as an excuse

i can't rock w/that sentiment at all because if he were gay, it wouldn't have been any different...he'd have run through a bunch of men. so the gender of his "victims" is largely irrelevant .

being raped as a child destroyed him..he never had the chance to mature into an actual emotionally responsible man...shit men who HAVEN'T been raped barely do that in this patriarchal misogynistic culture...so yeah even less for Junot

and he wasn't seeking to be excused. he was saying this is what i did and why

but i do understand how some women feel like men's healing and mea culpas get amplified and understood more..that's true..but its not right to take that out on Junot himself. his #meToo is just as relevant as the rest of ours.

d

I understand their point and the need to get the other sides of it.

but what I've seen has been the same thing pointed by men at so many women who've come forward -- if you're not the perfect victim and your story doesn't satisfy me then I'm going to pick it apart.

this does not help the person telling the story, and it doesn't help the victims who feel like they can't come forward because they don't want their lives to picked over with a fine toothed comb.

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

>I understand their point and the need to get the other sides
>of it.

it just abhorently wrong. . Can’t look at the story and say he used woman to get over his pain because he was as abusive to himself as he was to others in the relationship; multiple suicide attempts, alcohol abuse, etc.

There’s also the elephant in the room that if men are quiet on much of #metoo because of guilt and and a subconcious way to keep power, they DEF. don’t ever ever want to talk about their own sexual violations...its why jail rape is more of a joke then an issue, etc. I get the dudes because part of toxic masculinity is its sold as all upside and that if you got raped it’s cause you weren’t on your toxic masculinity p’s and q’s...but motherfucking eight years old man and suicide attempts all his life, how you not gonna have sympathy for that.

Its less a Cosby/Buress ‘A man had to say something cause women aint believe him’ but a Terry Crews situation where a sizable amount of motherfuckers still think he”s a ‘pussy’ even on these boards. I get his detractors if their issues are wrapped in their own private violations and abuse, but people like “Ehh, he’s getting shine cause he’s a famous dude’ miss the point.

I do not at all get their point and am immensely saddened that -- through the lens of #MeToo -- instead of seeing an ally they see a perpetrator.

Shame on them.

i don't want to overstate the Twitter outrage because a lot of what I've seen has actually been supportive, but those coming for him are missing the whole point of #MeToo as a movement of compassion and empathy.

-30-
You know it's drama, but it sound real good.

it, and I wouldn't try.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

and you cna call out other people for that all day without recognizing it in yourself.


my viewpoint is the same as it is (and I am hardly immune to this): if someone says they're a victim of an assault, and you can't bring yourself to be supportive of them and their recovery in whatever form that takes -- just STFU.


and not even for that person's sake, but because there are so many other people watching who haven't come forward yet because they're afraid of what people will say.

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

is the inability to approach the structural factors that lead to cycles of abuse. People getting mad at Diaz for being abusive/shitty to his lovers and friends (and himself!) are showing that it's "toxic masculine" or bust.
They bustin' like shit

looming metoo accusations.

I was just thinking he was trying to get back in good graces with his Ex. lol

But he's in a relationship now

---
"though time has passed, im still the future" (c) black thought

to know why he was a terrible SO.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

A few things hit home for me and I'm happy that he told his story no matter how long it took.

This post was paid for by the following.

www.twitter.com/13Rose
www.debunkthemyth.org
http://dashaunworld.wordpress.com/
www.mothergreen.com

Remember MJ The Great!
PSN: ThirteenRose

Physical Abuse,
Witnessing Ma dukes get beat up my Dad regularly
Creepy neighbor tryna have sex with me.
Rough neighborhood tryna navigate violence and stay alive weekly.
Extreme poverty...

Shoot. My child hood was hell.
BUt somehow I was able to look past all that and make something out of myself. I look at my kids now and they got it so good. And don't appreciate nothing.

I would say my PTSD basically made me the selfish bastard that I am today. NOt sure I can do anything about it now. And Yes Ive used women to get thru my pain. Although that wasn't my intent. Luckily, I haven't repeated any of the violent behaviors on my family, love interest or my kids.

---------------------------------------
My Sig - Nig!!
Hip Hop is a perfect verse over a dope beat!!

Just a Day in the Life, Of a Playa for Life!!
My Datpiff Page
http://www.datpiff.com/JayfromJerz-and-DJ-Sat-One-The-Bee-Sides-mixtape.709908.html
http://

You meet a lot of black people who go through all sorts of childhood trauma and if you ask them so many of them will tell you today that they are okay and made it to the other side of it.

But maybe you (we) aren't okay and the hardest part of it all is admitting how these childhood trauma's have stayed with us and affect the decisions we make to this day.

Just saying. And not trying to call you out personally. I think this applies to many of us, we just happen to know a lot of your story these days.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

I will have to finish it later.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

I think at some point we all have to take responsibility for your actions and face the music.

who is a monster and who is a victim?

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

>
>
>I think at some point we all have to take responsibility for
>your actions and face the music.
>
>who is a monster and who is a victim?

I'm not saying that is what is happening. But why wouldn't you use your talents to try sway public opinion? It's such a touchy situation. I've come across so many brilliant people that were also incredibly self centered, I'm not inclined to give anyone the benefit of the doubt.

It’s a lot to unpack.

Not sure I can sympathize with a monster who violates or abused my daughter just cause he/she can articulate how they are damaged goods

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

My thing is if Diaz actually abused women than getting molested isn’t going to cut it* If he’s outside terrorizing his ex’s with verbal abuse, waiting in the corner of lobbies to pouch on them, no bueno.

However people seem to be mad because he’s a self-admitted serial cheater, lol. I mean nail the man to the cross if he’s on his XXXtentacion or Chris Brown, but if he was run of the mill bad boyfriend…ehh? If that’s the case I got a whole lineup of ex’s since high school I want to press charges on (and I know some that would wanna press charges on me, I might need a Canadian passport). Like don’t get me wrong, bad relationships suck but thats par on course with living life and dating.

*that said, in order to stop the cycle we DO need to look at the causes. Friend of mine tells me stories of his time in child protection to his current focus in juvenile corrections and there’s a conveyor belt that rolls out your future Chris Browns and XXXtentacions with adults on the line abusing them all the way through to protect their pensions, get some foster kid money, or to just plain fuck em.

Just a cheater.

But my question still remains because there re a lot of folks who have been violated and abused who go on to do the same thing.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

him is that he is a cheater (as oppose to an abuser).

That's mad petty to make sure a huge personal disclosure about such a traumatic event and focus on him being a bad boyfriend? SMH.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

physical/verbal but it sounds like he was just a dude who cheated, broke up with women even when things were going good.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

It's ironic because those types always talk about how bad it is to demand that a victim be perfect.

It took me a little time to realize for the most part his story has been received very empathetically and those criticisms are relatively fringe.

>It took me a little time to realize for the most part his
>story has been received very empathetically and those
>criticisms are relatively fringe.

I hate any story that amounts to "someone people on twitter said..."

You can find someone saying anything on twitter.



**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

To read the full article, I gotta SUBSCRIBE NOW

IG: amadu_me

"...Whateva, man..." (c) Redman

IG: amadu_me

"...Whateva, man..." (c) Redman

An uncomfortable read. I've read very little from him, so it's always a pleasure to see his writing.

There is so much trauma like this in our community, and so often the response is to ignore it or pray it away. Pieces like this are important for both the Latino and the Black community.

__________________________________________

I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

But then I read "Survivor's Remorse" response piece.
https://theglowup.theroot.com/survivor-s-remorse-on-junot-diaz-and-the-collateral-da-1825166050

Then I read Diaz's "The Cheater's Guide To Love.
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2012/07/23/the-cheaters-guide-to-love


And I'm pretty much emotionally wrecked for the rest of the day.

https://twitter.com/carmenmmachado/status/992318598398992384



During his tour for THIS IS HOW YOU LOSE HER, Junot Díaz did a Q&A at the grad program I'd just graduated from. When I made the mistake of asking him a question about his protagonist's unhealthy, pathological relationship with women, he went off for me for twenty minutes.

Carmen Maria Machado added,
zinziclemmons
@zinziclemmons
As a grad student, I invited Junot Diaz to speak to a workshop on issues of representation in literature. I was an unknown wide-eyed 26 yo, and he used it as an opportunity to corner and forcibly kiss me. I'm far from the only one he's done this 2, I refuse to be silent anymore.
33 replies 887 retweets 1,398 likes
Carmen Maria Machado
‏Verified account @carmenmmachado
6h6 hours ago

He asked me to back up my claim with evidence. I cited several passages from the book in front of me. He raised his voice, paced, implied I was a prude who didn't know how to read or draw reasonable conclusions from text.
5 replies 59 retweets 276 likes
Carmen Maria Machado
‏Verified account @carmenmmachado
6h6 hours ago

When I suggested that maybe my question had been answered, and he move on to someone else's question, he refused. He told me he was leaning on me to explain myself, which is what he did with his students. (Never mind that I wasn't his student, or a student at all.)
1 reply 45 retweets 281 likes
Carmen Maria Machado
‏Verified account @carmenmmachado
6h6 hours ago

Every time he asked me a question, I answered it, and he became freshly enraged when I refused to capitulate. This went on and on and on and on until he finally ran out of steam.
1 reply 47 retweets 272 likes
Carmen Maria Machado
‏Verified account @carmenmmachado
6h6 hours ago

And this happened in a room full of people! There's a recording! He was not embarrassed about his behavior at all. A friend of mine was so stressed out from the whole interaction that she texted me saying she'd have to leave so she could go home and take a Xanax.
1 reply 42 retweets 303 likes
Carmen Maria Machado
‏Verified account @carmenmmachado
6h6 hours ago

And I'll never forget: his male handlers (presumably from the university? I don't know) were sitting directly in front of me, and every time he spoke they nodded enthusiastically and in unison, and every time I spoke, they froze. When I think about those men I want to scream.
1 reply 60 retweets 569 likes
Carmen Maria Machado
‏Verified account @carmenmmachado
6h6 hours ago

That night, I went to his reading at a local venue. When he got up after his introduction, he said, "Today, someone complained that there was too much cheating in this book. This is for them." Then he read the stories/passages I'd cited hours earlier.
2 replies 40 retweets 264 likes
Carmen Maria Machado
‏Verified account @carmenmmachado
6h6 hours ago

I'd obviously struck a nerve, though I didn't understand precisely how. Because even if his book contained autobiographical material, I knew that reacting to a reader's criticism this way—confusing yourself for the character—was amateur hour. I knew it even then.
2 replies 43 retweets 487 likes
Carmen Maria Machado
‏Verified account @carmenmmachado
6h6 hours ago

But what really struck me was how quickly his veneer of progressivism and geniality fell away; how easily he slid into bullying and misogyny when the endless waves of praise and adoration ceased for a second.
2 replies 110 retweets 730 likes
Carmen Maria Machado
‏Verified account @carmenmmachado
6h6 hours ago

And, like, I was raised with weird Latinx gender shit that I'm still trying to unload and unpack. I know what it looks like. Nothing that I'm describing is particularly novel or unusual. It's just how certain men assert their power.
1 reply 36 retweets 388 likes
Carmen Maria Machado
‏Verified account @carmenmmachado
6h6 hours ago

In the intervening years, I've heard easily a dozen stories about fucked-up sexual misconduct on his part and felt weirdly lucky that all ("all") I got was a blast of misogynist rage and public humiliation.
1 reply 55 retweets 380 likes
Carmen Maria Machado
‏Verified account @carmenmmachado
6h6 hours ago

So, Junot Díaz can talk all he wants about writing books that interrogate masculinity, but that's all it is: talk. His books are misogynist trash and folks either don't see it (which disturbs me) or won't acknowledge it (which disturbs me for different reasons).
5 replies 164 retweets 722 likes
Carmen Maria Machado
‏Verified account @carmenmmachado
6h6 hours ago

And it sucks for a very particular reason: people of color are so underrepresented in publishing, we have deep attachments to those who succeed. People are defensive about JD because there are so few high-profile Latinx authors. I get it. That doesn't change the facts.
4 replies 102 retweets 564 likes

Carmen Maria Machado
‏Verified account @carmenmmachado

Junot Díaz is a widely lauded, utterly beloved misogynist. His books are regressive and sexist. He has treated women horrifically in every way possible. And the #MeToo stories are just starting. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
9:22 AM - 4 May 2018



https://www.facebook.com/monicabyrne13/posts/10105748635455288
Monica Byrne
5 hrs ·

I’ve been waiting for this one to come out for a long time.

Here’s my story about Junot Díaz. It’s corroborated by my journal entry the next morning; emails to family, friends, and colleagues shortly thereafter; and my date, who was sitting beside me:

I was 32. I was invited to a dinner after a talk Díaz had given about “the importance of love” at the NC Literary Festival, Friday, April 4th, 2014. The restaurant was 18 Seaboard. My debut novel was due to come out the next month, and I'd brought an advance copy to give Mr. Díaz as a gift, understanding him to be both a genre fiction fan and a feminist. I sat next to him. The table struck up a light conversation about the significance of statistics in publishing. I made a point emphasizing how personal narrative is important in empowering the marginalized. He said (and this is my memory, so I’m not including quotation marks), Well, I don’t know if you know how statistics work, but that’s like saying, Oh, I haven’t been RAPED, so RAPE must not exist.

His voice had risen to a shout. He literally shouted the word “rape” in my face. This is after knowing me for maybe ten minutes. His response was completely bizarre, disproportionate, and violent. I was speechless and felt sick. I would have, anyway, but this was also only two weeks after I’d been sexually assaulted in Belize.

The dinner just got worse from there. I’ve never experienced such virulent misogyny in my adult life. Every point I made—ABOUT issues women face in publishing—he made a point of talking over me, cutting me off, ignoring me to talk to the other famous (male) writer at the table, who happily participated in the erasure (congratulations, Peter Straub, you were also awful that night). What’s so ironic is that I remember trying to make a point about how a piece of mine had just been rejected by The New Yorker, and I’d never be able to tell whether it was bc of bias or not, given their dismal VIDA statistics. This is the same New Yorker that, just last month, paid Díaz to write his long “I know #metoo is coming for me so I’d better get ahead of it” essay. I read that piece and thought: did his editor not think to ask him what “I hurt people” might mean? Fucking really? In this era? I am sorry what happened to him. I truly am. But millions of people experience sexual trauma, including as children, without then choosing to turn around and replicate it on others’ bodies.

Díaz didn’t physically assault me. But shouting the word “rape” in my face is absolutely verbal sexual assault. Moreover, I was struck by the total disconnect between his public persona of a progressive literary idol and how he actually treated women. I left that dinner halfway through. I did not give him the advance reader copy of my novel. And I’d sat down so excited to meet one of my literary heroes.

Ever since, I’ve kept an ear out for stories about him that were similar to mine.

There are many, and they are worse. This is one.

If you have one about Junot Díaz, get in touch: monica@monicabyrne.org.

**UPDATE: Here is the thread by fellow writer Carmen Maria Machado about her experience with Díaz: https://twitter.com/carmenmmacha…/status/992318598398992384…

edit: to add another article

There are other women on Twitter corroborating with their own stories and what they've been told by others about his shitty sexual behaviour.

~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~

it was better than most of Junot's stuff to be honest, but that's not saying much.

Had to look up Peter Straub too based on the second story.
https://www.publishersweekly.com/images/cached/ARTICLE_PHOTO/photo/000/000/038/38398-v1-338x338.JPG

Dude ran through THE checklist of 'serious writer accessories' lol

~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~

Especially considering that in a couple of these cases, they are women of color speaking out against a very popular man.


i also recall zinzi clemmons calling for divestment from lena dunham...zinzi must got a lot of stories on a lot of people...

--
the untold want by life and land ne'er granted
now voyager sail thou forth to seek and find

lmao..

or are we not gonna believe these women?

https://media0.giphy.com/media/l2SpUHGccTQ4cogbm/giphy.gif

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

well played.

This post was paid for by the following.

www.twitter.com/13Rose
www.debunkthemyth.org
http://dashaunworld.wordpress.com/
www.mothergreen.com

Remember MJ The Great!
PSN: ThirteenRose

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

but by all means, stir the pot

Came through security and he was posted up against a wall.

The day before my mom hipped me to the allegations. It was so fresh that I still had a story on one of the tabs in my phone.

I walked past him as I’m somebody who rarely says anything to people I recognize (and I recognize everybody). But I doubled back. Called out his name. Told him he was a “fantastic writer”. He said “Thanks brother”. Shook my hand and I kept it moving.

Now that I’ve delved deeper into the story and seen the tweets and shit on social media, I wish I would’ve said more.

What we tend to forget that people are human and make mistakes. It’s how you bounce back from those missteps are what matter the most.

<---https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01DL9AVTQ

on twitter right now.


Reading this article sounds like he got completely cleared?

https://jezebel.com/junot-diaz-cleared-by-mit-after-misconduct-investigatio-1826948901


I really haven't been following this but this one in particular does look like weak sauce.

http://www.vulture.com/2018/05/junot-daz-accuser-reveals-his-history-of-misogynistic-abuse.html



**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

He still on the outs.

He don't need to be canceled forever, but he got a lot of work to do to repair what he's done. Because like Louis CK, he was in a position to possibly derail some careers.

-30-
You know it's drama, but it sound real good.