http://afropunk.com/2017/07/white-friends-comes-trauma-im-not-willing-deal-anymore/

I can’t take no ‘mo, White People.

I can’t answer any White People demanding an explanation for why something is “racist”. I can’t take anymore White People sending me videos of Black People being murdered without thinking of how it will affect me. I can’t sit through any more arguments for why race “isn’t always a factor”. And I can’t keep ignoring the cowardice silence when it’s time for White People to confront each other about race.

My dad warned me about White People when I was around 7 or 8. He told me that no matter how close I felt to these people, I would always be first and foremost Black in their mind. And at no time could a Black person rely on a White person to put their privilege on the side if it ever becomes a Me vs. Them situation. As a kid, this was, frankly, another one of my dad’s pessimistic, paranoid lectures. Be on the lookout at all times just…in case. And as an outgoing, compassionate human-being his words rolled off my back. But in time I’ve learned that Daddy-o was onto something and the ugly truth is that in one way or another, White friends, largely, just aren’t safe to have.

I really learned this lesson with White Moms. They stunned me the most. Women who have known me through adolescence, fed me and looked out for me at times, let out lashes of vapor that scared me. These maternal figures have always welcomed me into their homes, embraced me warmly, and made me feel part of their limited restriction “we’d rather you do it in the house” households. The privilege of light skin, perhaps, caused me to appear less threatening to them and a respectable dose of home training meant that these experiences with white families seemed pleasant.

These immersions into white vacuums, places where I shrunk as to not take up too much white space, doing so with an unrealized desperation to re-affirm my normality. As if sharing a meal, sleeping in White folks sheets meant that I wasn’t inherently unsavory, despite the re-enforcements from the outside world.

The first of these times, I was visiting my best friend from middle school. My second trip home in Southern California after moving to Atlanta. My friend, her mom, and were chatting in the kitchen. I had already sent my own mother an SOS text to pick me up. We talked about my new life, how I was adjusting so far from the beach, and whether or not I had found a boyfriend down there. And when I said no to the last, her mother leaned across the table and grabbed my forearm reassuringly and said, “At least now you can meet someone of your own kind.”

It was like a punch in the face. But it was hardly the last time a White elder tried to put me in my place. But it was the first time I allowed myself to acknowledge the malice being spewed at me by a White person I trusted.

With every close relationship I’ve had with a White person, their unconscious but blatant biases against and misunderstandings of Black People, in particular, tends to reveal itself sooner or later. Unprompted and accepting admissions that their Good White parents aren’t racist but would never “let” them date a black person, the tokenizing, the microaggressions, and dismissals of Black pain. The emotional labor, the holding back, the shrinking required to put up with the willful ignorance and mismanaged guilt and resentment of White People is too much.

And the fact of the matter is that I’m finding it impossible to trust any White Person to not, at some point, perpetuate ideologies that oppress me. Being friends with White People is just too fucking hard on my psyche.

Funny thing is my pops gave me the same sort of lessons, I took them to heart, so I've never been surprised or let down by a white person like this author is describing.

These kids need to toughen up. Old Man Gripe done.


>http://afropunk.com/2017/07/white-friends-comes-trauma-im-not-willing-deal-anymore/
>
>I can’t take no ‘mo, White People.
>
>I can’t answer any White People demanding an explanation for
>why something is “racist”. I can’t take anymore White
>People sending me videos of Black People being murdered
>without thinking of how it will affect me. I can’t sit
>through any more arguments for why race “isn’t always a
>factor”. And I can’t keep ignoring the cowardice silence
>when it’s time for White People to confront each other about
>race.
>
>My dad warned me about White People when I was around 7 or 8.
>He told me that no matter how close I felt to these people, I
>would always be first and foremost Black in their mind. And at
>no time could a Black person rely on a White person to put
>their privilege on the side if it ever becomes a Me vs. Them
>situation. As a kid, this was, frankly, another one of my
>dad’s pessimistic, paranoid lectures. Be on the lookout at
>all times just…in case. And as an outgoing, compassionate
>human-being his words rolled off my back. But in time I’ve
>learned that Daddy-o was onto something and the ugly truth is
>that in one way or another, White friends, largely, just
>aren’t safe to have.
>
>I really learned this lesson with White Moms. They stunned me
>the most. Women who have known me through adolescence, fed me
>and looked out for me at times, let out lashes of vapor that
>scared me. These maternal figures have always welcomed me into
>their homes, embraced me warmly, and made me feel part of
>their limited restriction “we’d rather you do it in the
>house” households. The privilege of light skin, perhaps,
>caused me to appear less threatening to them and a respectable
>dose of home training meant that these experiences with white
>families seemed pleasant.
>
>These immersions into white vacuums, places where I shrunk as
>to not take up too much white space, doing so with an
>unrealized desperation to re-affirm my normality. As if
>sharing a meal, sleeping in White folks sheets meant that I
>wasn’t inherently unsavory, despite the re-enforcements from
>the outside world.
>
>The first of these times, I was visiting my best friend from
>middle school. My second trip home in Southern California
>after moving to Atlanta. My friend, her mom, and were chatting
>in the kitchen. I had already sent my own mother an SOS text
>to pick me up. We talked about my new life, how I was
>adjusting so far from the beach, and whether or not I had
>found a boyfriend down there. And when I said no to the last,
>her mother leaned across the table and grabbed my forearm
>reassuringly and said, “At least now you can meet someone of
>your own kind.”
>
>It was like a punch in the face. But it was hardly the last
>time a White elder tried to put me in my place. But it was the
>first time I allowed myself to acknowledge the malice being
>spewed at me by a White person I trusted.
>
>With every close relationship I’ve had with a White person,
>their unconscious but blatant biases against and
>misunderstandings of Black People, in particular, tends to
>reveal itself sooner or later. Unprompted and accepting
>admissions that their Good White parents aren’t racist but
>would never “let” them date a black person, the
>tokenizing, the microaggressions, and dismissals of Black
>pain. The emotional labor, the holding back, the shrinking
>required to put up with the willful ignorance and mismanaged
>guilt and resentment of White People is too much.
>
>And the fact of the matter is that I’m finding it impossible
>to trust any White Person to not, at some point, perpetuate
>ideologies that oppress me. Being friends with White People is
>just too fucking hard on my psyche.
>


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

>These kids need to toughen up.

<--- Big Baller World Order

>This one kid need to toughen up. Old Man Gripe done.


dont fall into the old man trap of thinking all young people are one and the same

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

"My friend, her mom, and were chatting in the kitchen. I had already sent my own mother an SOS text to pick me up. We talked about my new life, how I was adjusting so far from the beach, and whether or not I had found a boyfriend down there. And when I said no to the last, her mother leaned across the table and grabbed my forearm reassuringly and said, “At least now you can meet someone of your own kind.”

It was like a punch in the face. But it was hardly the last time a White elder tried to put me in my place."

hahaha.

did she address the mom directly and ask her what she meant by that statement, or just merely jump online to her safe-space blog to tell everyone about it?

trauma. please.

>"My friend, her mom, and were chatting in the kitchen. I had
>already sent my own mother an SOS text to pick me up. We
>talked about my new life, how I was adjusting so far from the
>beach, and whether or not I had found a boyfriend down there.
>And when I said no to the last, her mother leaned across the
>table and grabbed my forearm reassuringly and said, “At
>least now you can meet someone of your own kind.”
>
>It was like a punch in the face. But it was hardly the last
>time a White elder tried to put me in my place."
>
>hahaha.
>
>did she address the mom directly and ask her what she meant by
>that statement, or just merely jump online to her safe-space
>blog to tell everyone about it?
>
>trauma. please.

<-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><->
<-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><->

yeah, i looked her up on linkedin. my guess is she's ~25 yo or so.

still, when i was that age, my safe space for trauma was, well, booze and girls.

by the very idea of dating her own race than the suggestion made by the White mom.

Rest In Peace, Bad News Brown

Gotta choose your battles

=======================================
Coolin...

https://media.giphy.com/media/Z0rcMUDEsHcDS/giphy.gif

------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

once I realized we're in it for the long haul with the lord dampnut

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

I get it. Know your enemy.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

Of course Black people have "unique"
issues. We're an oppressed people who are
socialized to hate ourselves and our own.
Not really an apt response to the issue
of dealing with an oppressor group.

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Days like this I miss Sha Mecca

or Democrat and Republican, etc.

my point being of course the majority of "friends" you have from a conflicting culture will often come with negatives and to the extent that true "friendships" of that nature are or will be few and far between

conversely if you focus entirely on your own cultural group for building true friendships you will have to deal with whatever unique issues that group has to whatever degree. The more friends you try and make the more you will have to work with those issues.

In the end it just seems like a moot point and not really that deep.

You live in a country with a foreign/outside culture. Learn/understand it or don't.

Enjoy yourself.

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Days like this I miss Sha Mecca

didn't Malcolm X say we as people like to cut each other? If you're that person that finds offense at talking about the issues that pertain to you and your culture I don't know what to tell you.

Doesn't Neely Fuller Jr state that when black people congregate we should do so with the sole purpose of discussing business related to our culture and nothing else due the amount of toxicity in our own community? Is he using "what about black on black crime" speak?

Feels are not welcome here

so the "you're right about us being perfect"
is a complete fabrication to support your contention.

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Days like this I miss Sha Mecca

or what seemed like such at first. The article ends on a note that easily gives the reader the impression that the author believes the grass to be greener on the other side. That is what my comment is addressing

I would have liked to have seen something extolling the benefits of black friendships and or offering ways in which black people can enrich or develop more of them (friendships) that are healthy and not toxic which is an obstacle present in our community.

To just write white friendships are a problem for me and not state how you will or intend to solve that problem is kind of sloppy imo.

justify your response.

Her talking about how to heal Black relationships
would be cool if that's what she wanted to do.
It's also cool if she just wants to talk about
being tired of trying to befriend white folks.

That you would have written the piece differently
doesn't mean something's wrong with it.

Perhaps friendships with Black people are much
easier for her. With that said...
Are you having trouble maintaining friendships
with Black people, specifically? What are the
"unique" issues you're running into with them?

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Days like this I miss Sha Mecca

Nothing wrong with a white people are bad post I guess, it's her blog or whatever so she can write what she wants I'm just over people writing about the issues they can't change and when it comes to us I'm like "where can I read about the things we CAN change?"

I'm assuming other black people will read the article and I think it's not entirely productive to rally troops around the "bad white people" banner without adding something positive for the reader. Just seems a little pity party like or misery loving company.

>Nothing wrong with a white people are bad post I guess, it's
>her blog or whatever so she can write what she wants I'm just
>over people writing about the issues they can't change and
>when it comes to us I'm like "where can I read about the
>things we CAN change?"



What's stopping you from writing about it yourself?
You are the one who feels it's a problem, correct?


>I'm assuming other black people will read the article and I
>think it's not entirely productive to rally troops around the
>"bad white people" banner without adding something positive
>for the reader. Just seems a little pity party like or misery
>loving company.


I'm not sure where you're finding the "misery" in
the article. Reply 27 from FluidJ in this very
thread find happiness and relief in the realization
presented in the article.
I'm a Black person, and I found the article productive.
She may have voiced something other Black people needed
to hear at this time.


But again:
Are you having trouble maintaining friendships
with Black people, specifically? What are the
"unique" issues you're running into with them?

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Days like this I miss Sha Mecca

And their works are still widely available. No need to re-invent the wheel.

>
>What's stopping you from writing about it yourself?
>You are the one who feels it's a problem, correct?

It's been done

>
>>I'm assuming other black people will read the article and I
>>think it's not entirely productive to rally troops around
>the
>>"bad white people" banner without adding something positive
>>for the reader. Just seems a little pity party like or
>misery
>>loving company.
>
>
>I'm not sure where you're finding the "misery" in
>the article. Reply 27 from FluidJ in this very
>thread find happiness and relief in the realization
>presented in the article.
>I'm a Black person, and I found the article productive.
>She may have voiced something other Black people needed
>to hear at this time.

Perhaps

>
>But again:
>Are you having trouble maintaining friendships
>with Black people, specifically? What are the
>"unique" issues you're running into with them?


No I'm not and as far as unique issues go I don't see a need to re-iterate what I already did in my reference to overall issues presented by men like Neely fuller and Malcolm X. In my own experiences I relate more to Neely than Malcolm.

Friends for me are like my words -- few and wisely chosen (when I'm not on this board)

Seems more productive to simply point others
to those works.
But this is what you yourself can do.
By going on about what the author isn't doing,
you're just as guilty here. Why not comment
there and share those works if you think they
need to be a part of the conversation?



>>But again:
>>Are you having trouble maintaining friendships
>>with Black people, specifically? What are the
>>"unique" issues you're running into with them?
>
>
>No I'm not


Ok, then there's no issue for you.


>and as far as unique issues go if you need me to
>iterate that I already did in my reference to overall issue
>presented by men like Neely fuller and Malcolm X.


Very familiar with them both (but you know this, because
I recommended you buy Fuller's book when you were only
watching his youtube videos). I was asking you about
your own personal experience. But you say you aren't
having issues, so that doesn't seem to matter.

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Days like this I miss Sha Mecca

>Seems more productive to simply point others
>to those works.
>But this is what you yourself can do.
>By going on about what the author isn't doing,
>you're just as guilty here. Why not comment
>there and share those works if you think they
>need to be a part of the conversation?

Good suggestion. I thought we were discussing the article here.

>
>
>>>But again:
>>>Are you having trouble maintaining friendships
>>>with Black people, specifically? What are the
>>>"unique" issues you're running into with them?
>>
>>
>>No I'm not
>
>
>Ok, then there's no issue for you.
>
>
>>and as far as unique issues go if you need me to
>>iterate that I already did in my reference to overall issue
>>presented by men like Neely fuller and Malcolm X.
>
>
>Very familiar with them both (but you know this, because
>I recommended you buy Fuller's book when you were only
>watching his youtube videos). I was asking you about
>your own personal experience. But you say you aren't
>having issues, so that doesn't seem to matter.
>
>
>

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

Keep fighting if you believe in it but this is probably the wrong thread for it.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

https://media.giphy.com/media/3KWHzadf2Iq64/giphy.gif

Not sure how folks can hard Nbomb other folks with the hard R and talk mad shit about abusing them and wishing to see them abused and not a word is said

meanwhile trying to address the impetus for such behavior draws a backlash

fascinating

https://media.giphy.com/media/H1wuBsl5UqIsU/giphy.gif

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

maybe I was reading too much into that exchange between you two

ohhh, you talking about ole boy, he's damaged goods bruh, I wouldn't use that as any type of barometer.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

The struggle is real

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

and the obstacle we can remove in order to do so more than the obstacles we can't i.e. the issues mentioned in this feel piece

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

Because based solely on your posting, you ostracize other Black people constantly. How are folks supposed to unify with the other side when they often don't believe you have their best interests in mind nor even an understanding of them.

I don't know man, the only thing you seem to consistently unify is people against your opinions.

------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

and I mean change in such a way that we stop feeding white people at large. Feeding them our resources, culture, good will, etc

>I don't know man, the only thing you seem to consistently
>unify is people against your opinions.

Thats fine. Most folks are living a lie anyway

------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

I hope this doesn't mean there are no more to look froward to

You've got hidden hotep tendencies. We all got flashed today.

Smh.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ebQTmvVDI8

Nothing to see here right? How many self hating tropes does he break out in this?

That type of mindset, outlook, approach, to our own group is not an anomaly when you form friendships within it. Am I lying or not?

You and a few others keep making this an all friends issue,
even though its common experience in the OKP population to have
a tight circle cause humans in general, no matter what race or group, can be awful.

Willfully ignoring the social ramifications of a white supremacist society for no other reason to point out a near universal experience in human relations seems purposely obtuse when otherwise you're rah-rah anti-racism. Gives me millenial hotep vibes. Maybe you're just in a mood. I will let this slide.

>humans in general, no matter what race or
>group, can be awful.

That's all I'm trying to say


>Willfully ignoring the social ramifications of a white
>supremacist society for no other reason to point out a near
>universal experience in human relations seems purposely obtuse
>when otherwise you're rah-rah anti-racism.

I'm saying (the author and black people in America in general) should ignore the supremacists that masquerade as friends (i.e. most or many white people) and seek out good people / friends wherever they can

Gives me millenial
>hotep vibes. Maybe you're just in a mood. I will let this
>slide.

Honestly other than a word, I never even knew what hotep was until I got on this site

>Gotta choose your battles