"Poll question: Most of the friends I made after 25 I met through..."
Just curious...
I moved back home (the midwest) about a year ago and I realize I may be here longer than planned.
My plan was to return to the east coast (dc or nyc) where it's easier for ME to meet new people and reconnect with folks I already know...I don't know if that's going to happen in the next year.
I'm trying to make the most of it but I'm struggling. I'm almost 30 and making friends after college or even 25, especially when you're not in grad school, is a struggle.
I'm introverted, awkward (womp, womp) and picky. I am a heathen, too, so church is not an option. I'm 30-ish but I look like a teenager to some folks, but has also caused problems.
People think I want to reconnect with childhood friends, but for the most part, I don't. A lot of them are good people but I don't think we're each other's "type," which is why I grew apart from many of closest friends in my teens.
I've joined some professional groups for black folks but I kind of feel pathetic for it. I hate that I have to think about making friends and make an effort.
I want shit to be effortless and organic like when I was a kid, dammit!
2. "I stay meeting dudes just from everyday activities" In response to Reply # 0
The gym and basketball court are two big ones. If you smoke, then you might find a cool dude to chief with. If you have any oddball hobbies then you can go to a meetup (I ride bikes, and dudes are always having random meetups to go riding).
Anything activity-based makes it easy for dudes to connect in my experience.
5. "you always have to make an effort after college" In response to Reply # 0
everybody does, even non-awkward people. it's easy when you're all stuck in the same limited space, when people are doing their own thing you gotta put in work to keep the fire stoked.
Of course there are those friends you can not see for ____ years and when you see em you are shooting the shit like it was yesterday
------------------------------- If life is stupendous one cannot also demand that it should be easy. - Robert Musil
10. "RE: 90% of my friends are people i met after 25. " In response to Reply # 6
>through partying and general debauchery > >the other 10% are folks I met through partying and general >debauchery in my early 20s. > > >further of the 90% met post 25 about 60% of those were met >after college.
This is refreshing. There's hope for me.
-- "Music is not to be possessed; it's to be shared.” - James Mtume
"Just stay loose, keep it raw, and bang ya drums out sometimes." - Madlib
I moved to CO from NJ like 8 years ago when I was 22. I've made friends briefly here and there, but didn't really end up connecting. I even made my own meetup group which is really not like me. I ended up meeting my longtime girlfriend through that, but most of the people who showed up were weirdos honestly. Most people we've met here are super outdoorsy and spend all their time hiking or rock climbing which I'm not interested in. Even if you do meet someone cool it always feels like you're asking them on a date or something. I feel like I really need to get back to a coast at some point.
No joke. My best friends in SF are all via one bar.
Two other people -- one I met when I was taking singing lessons and one I met on the bus after a movie at the SF Film Festival (Murderball!) that both of us attended, then she sat next to me on the bus, then we both disembarked at the same stop and we learned that we live 2 blocks from each other.
But the vast majority of my friends are from the one bar that I've been going to for the 21+ years I've lived here.
~ ~ ~ All meetings end in separation All acquisition ends in dispersion All life ends in death - The Buddha
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79545 posts
Wed Jan-04-17 12:21 PM
9. "sports bars and work. " In response to Reply # 0
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
18. "community via arts and social justice spaces" In response to Reply # 0
a co-ed soccer group that was started by bay area activists started a branch in LA and once i started playing with them my circle of really legit peoples bllllleeeww up by dozens.
19. "I was in the same boat" In response to Reply # 0 Fri Jan-06-17 07:12 PM by GOMEZ
my best advice is to do shit you like to do, and find other people who share that interest.
I started doing capoeira at 30. I met a bunch of good folks through that, and a hella diverse and open minded group of people at that. I've met everyone from janitors to biochemicial engineers.
So if you like sports find some rec league sport and get down. If you're not down with sports, find something else you're stoked on i.e. a photography class or study a foreign language or something. I took a portuguese class at a local adult ed spot and met hella cool people doing that too. I always wanted to do a cooking class, cuz i'm sure that would be fun too. Be around people who are stoked on shit and learning - it's not school exactly, but similar idea.
If you get a chance be helpful to people, and don't be afraid to ask people for help. Like - you need help moving stuff and kind of know a dude with a truck? tell him your in a bind and ask if he can help you out then, pay him back with hella beer or something. You know dude, shit.
More than anything, don't force it and don't beat yourself up, just get out and do more shit. Also don't weird out when someone is actually nice and wants to be your friend, i used to do that and then say i was being 'picky'. Mostly i was being an anti-social dick.
Good luck fam. Late 20's was a hella weird time for me, so i feel your struggle.
In a generation of swine, the one-eyed pig is king. -Hunter S. Thompson
22. "I think about this a lot" In response to Reply # 0
As children we have no idea who we are, and we're all essentially running the same race (school, non-career job, etc). There's no real playbook for making friends as an adult
Most of my new ones came from social media, work, and other friends (in that order)
Anyways, maybe a Meetup group? I never actually went, but when I lived in DC, groups like Outdoor Afro at least seemed like a good place to meet like-minded people
23. "its been really hard in baltimore" In response to Reply # 0
i've pretty much given up the social circle here is (or feels) very closed-in folk have their friends and that's it
i've met plenty of people in different areas and events (even did meetups) but it's not like they really welcome you into their circle they become people you met at *such and such a place* ...it never really goes further than that and i think its because they already have their crew (and perhaps i have some role to play in this, i don't know).
i didnt realize the extent of this until i traveled to other places and realized how much easier it is to make friends... you connect with people, they invite you to things, you get to meet their circle etc. its been a bit different here (and yes, i've had numerous convos about this- which is why i concluded that's just the way things are around here) i think i'm at the point where i'm ready to move to somewhere else. not sure where though.
. http://perspectivesudans.blogspot.com/ i myself would never want to be god,or even like god.Because god got all these human beings on this planet and i most certainly would not want to be responsible for them, or even have the disgrace that i made them.
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