So there are two ladies at the office. Once is 40 something (she'll be called 40 in the story). 2 kids, recently divorced. the other is 20 something (she'll be called 20). single, no kids.
I'm pretty cool with both of them. In no way attracted to either. However, they're both fun to be around for diff reasons.
40 & 20 are on the same team, but do diff jobs. I work on a diff team, but interact with their team frequently. I sort of mentor 20 since this is her first real corp job. so we talk more frequently.
when 20 started here nearly 2 years ago, 40 had issues with her. I'm not real sure why. I had to tell 40 that 20 was actually pretty damn cool. eventually 40 got real cool with 20. even asking 30 to be a part of her girls mentoring program.
a month or so ago, 20 noticed that 40 had gotten real cold towards her. 20 would say hi and 40 would give no eye contact. responses became real short. 20 thought it was work related since 20 has to monitor 40's work and 40 ain't the best at her job.
fast forward to last week, another co-worker, 30, noticed that 40 was being weird. 30 asked 40 what's up. 40 proceeds to spill the beans. apparently 40 thinks 20 and I have an affair. I'm married. not sure how she got to that conclusion.
the story goes that once 40 playfully hit me in the arm. 20 proceeded to do the same. this happened while we were all near 40's area. 40 took 20's taps on my arm as brushing away 40's taps. so since then 40 doesn't like 20 anymore.
I know somebody gonna ask.....20 looks way better than 40. but again, I ain't physically attracted to either.
what kind of dumb shit is this? seems like a lot of immaturity on the part of 40. I want to talk to 40 about this whole thing, but I'm not supposed to know any of this since it wasn't told to me by any of the parties involved.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79585 posts
Mon Oct-31-16 07:54 AM
1. "All this means is 40 been tapping your arm trying to fuck you" In response to Reply # 0
and since 20 looks better than her she figures you might be down.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79585 posts
Mon Oct-31-16 08:30 AM
19. "40 is divorced and you are at the top of her list" In response to Reply # 3
I work with a mother and daughter. Both of them got as for days. We cool as shit but anytime I speak to another female for too long they got jokes or hit me with the "oh, you ain't got time for us"
Some people also love work drama cause they don't have anything else going on in their life. Soon as 40 gets a date she will start focusing on other things.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
21. "don't know how I got on her list." In response to Reply # 19
full disclosure. I've been to her house a few times. my daughter plays violin. her daughter offered to teach lessons. but normally when I've gone, 40 hasn't even been there. it just her daughter, son, my daughter.
funny thing is, 40 was actually looking at this other dude. she told me as much.
2. "40 too old for this foolishness." In response to Reply # 0
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
6. "20 is too old for it too..." In response to Reply # 2
....I get if you THINK people in the office are "doin the nasty", but you don't say ANYTHING about your theory, and you definitely don't treat someone funny cause they MIGHT be having sex with a coworker...
"yes, sometimes my rhymes are sexist, but you lovely bitches and hos should know i'm tryin to correct it"- hiphopopotamus
14. "what that gotta do with 20?" In response to Reply # 6
>....I get if you THINK people in the office are "doin the >nasty", but you don't say ANYTHING about your theory, and you >definitely don't treat someone funny cause they MIGHT be >having sex with a coworker...
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79585 posts
Mon Oct-31-16 08:26 AM
16. "What did 20 do besides being normal? " In response to Reply # 6
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
5. "it's like a pr0n. You got a MILF and a barely legal" In response to Reply # 0
a real player would get the 3some poppin
I'm buggin, on the real I'd nip it in the bud with 40 before that affair talk spreads like a contagion. On some talk about your wife 24-7, ring on prominent display, go all out because affair gossip can tag you as "that guy" and ruin your rep.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79585 posts
Mon Oct-31-16 08:15 AM
8. "Only problem is the more a guy fights off rumors of an affair..." In response to Reply # 5
The more it looks like he had an affair.
If he didn't talk about his wife 24/7 don't start now.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79585 posts
Mon Oct-31-16 08:16 AM
9. "No one should be compared... but we do it all the time " In response to Reply # 7
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
23. "of course he is, he said 20 looks way better." In response to Reply # 7
>without realizing you're probably giving 20 something way more >attention
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79585 posts
Mon Oct-31-16 01:28 PM
51. "You sound real 40 right now" In response to Reply # 39
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
auragin_boi Member since Aug 01st 2003 20939 posts
Mon Oct-31-16 09:00 AM
25. "From an HR perspective: Nip it in the bud now" In response to Reply # 0 Mon Oct-31-16 09:01 AM by auragin_boi
1) It's flat out harassment (hostile work environment as these thoughts have been passed around and have gotten back to you, it's now created an environment where you are being slandered)
2) It's unprofessional - definitely worth a reprimand
3) Left unchecked, it might become percieved fact and put your job and reputation at risk. I know we have fraternization policy (should be disclosed and depending on the workplace relationship...boss/subordinate, mentor/mentee, etc, should be avoided) and if someone made an accusation where a policy line might be in question, that could put you in deep water. Also, if a rumor is left uncheck, it might make rounds to people you don't want it to and then, without your knowledge, they may avoid advancing your career for fear of poor decision making and moral objection to your rumored behavior.
I'd report it to a manager (yours, 40's/20's) and HR and have 30 relay the info she was told. Let HR and the manager deal with 40's behavior. Because even though she might deny it, having it checked before it spreads is ideal. She can deny it at any point but you want to nip it before it's all over the office.
34. "I'm just speaking from the standpoint of the office rumors. If 30 alread..." In response to Reply # 32
mentioned to you that it was out there... then it's likely REALLY REALLY out there....
Unfortunately, shit like that can fck up your work environment pretty quick fast and in a hurry.
I had similar issue early on in my career. The rub for me was that in the engineering field i've ALWAYS been the lone Black person...not just Black guy, but Black person period. On top of that I was always the youngest too. So there was age AND race at play (not so much anymore since i'm old now lol)....
But yeah, there was a Black electrical engineer that also happened to be female AND we were the same age. So we clicked off the strength of the age and race alone. Didn't take long for the rumor mill to get going at all.... Corporate folks I swear....they think we ALL just be fckin.... smh.
42. "Agreed. I cant stand stuff like this." In response to Reply # 29
I work in a school with only 4 other males on the entire staff... the vying for attention, gossip, and resulting drama is ridiculous.
I'm over here trying to stay in my lane, do my job , and focus on the students while coworkers are doing the most for the least...
All that's to say...I feel your pain. Only cut 'em off if you're cool with them thinking YOU'RE the one with the problem tho because soon as you create distance they're going to ask what's wrong with you instead of what did I do...
45. "I'll change my behavior if " In response to Reply # 42
I feel it warranted, but for now I'm keeping it cool. as I mentioned, I already speak less to 40. that was before I found any of this stuff out. that interaction def won't be the same after this cuz it would be awkward.
48. "I'm not dropping anything" In response to Reply # 46
unless I feel this really will be shenanigans. since I got the info from a 3rd party, I'm not supposed to know. it would be wrong for me to bring it up first, especially since I've done nothing wrong.
if 40 wants to talk to me about it, I can do that. I'm sure 20 would talk with her too.
It's how I would response. Doesn't matter if it's true or not, any attack on my character and I'm putting everyone on front street. That's the thing about receiving second hand information - the person telling me would need to understand I'm going to say something. don't share it if you fear the repercussions..
61. "depends on how you approach it..." In response to Reply # 60
since it's already out there I'd work backwards...
starting with "ms. second hand info". I would give her the heads up that I intend to speak with 40. if this bothers her, I'd question the truth behind her statement. then have a private conversation with 40. If things explode THEN I would approach HR...
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79585 posts
Tue Nov-01-16 02:14 PM
63. "That's a normal day for a woman at the job" In response to Reply # 62
We don't usually go through all that.
If you ain't fucking... no need to run around trying to deny it.
Women gonna gossip regardless of what you do.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
What about the person who asked the original question?
Ugh
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
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