"Can we discuss black people that don't know good black people?"
TLDR: Black men and women that don't personally know great black folks closely are seemingly lashing out on social media against other black people. How to engage them? Do I engage them or just throw them in the bushes?
Backstory:
I have a cousin 26 years old now a lesbian, only dated white men until 22 when she was manipulated and disrespected by one. She has a white mother and black father.
Mom now deceased. Dad wasn't around. They see each other nowadays maybe twice a year. Talk every few months. Has a younger brother, good guy, 1 year older, only dates white women.
Also grew up very detached from her extended family, unlike myself.
I didn't meet her until 21. She told me that I am far and away the most positive male figure in her life thus far as we became closer over the years.
Recently I posted my opinion on Nate Parkers movie. She flipped out, patriarchy, cis-gendered nonsense, rape culture etc.
I reminded her I don't do arguments on social media. Deleted her comments, she unfriended. Posts about how shitty all men are, fuck family etc..
She also has a bunch of new friends that cosign whatever nonsense she says.
Now, I know she has deep hurts she hasn't dealt with in her life and spirit related to men and family.
My question is this. How can I go about engaging her away from the bullshit and come back to reality?
1. "Sounds like she got bigger problems. " In response to Reply # 0
>TLDR: Black men and women that don't personally know great >black folks closely are seemingly lashing out on social media >against other black people. How to engage them? Do I engage >them or just throw them in the bushes? > >Backstory: > >I have a cousin 26 years old now a lesbian, only dated white >men until 22 when she was manipulated and disrespected by one. >She has a white mother and black father. > >Mom now deceased. Dad wasn't around. They see each other >nowadays maybe twice a year. Talk every few months. Has a >younger brother, good guy, 1 year older, only dates white >women. > >Also grew up very detached from her extended family, unlike >myself. > >I didn't meet her until 21. She told me that I am far and away >the most positive male figure in her life thus far as we >became closer over the years. > >Recently I posted my opinion on Nate Parkers movie. She >flipped out, patriarchy, cis-gendered nonsense, rape culture >etc. > >I reminded her I don't do arguments on social media. Deleted >her comments, she unfriended. Posts about how shitty all men >are, fuck family etc.. > >She also has a bunch of new friends that cosign whatever >nonsense she says. > >Now, I know she has deep hurts she hasn't dealt with in her >life and spirit related to men and family. > >My question is this. How can I go about engaging her away from >the bullshit and come back to reality? > >
********** "Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79574 posts
Mon Oct-17-16 03:26 PM
17. "Yeah... here is the thing" In response to Reply # 7
It's not even based in reality most times. I have a female friend who is mixed, white mom was a crackhead, black father raised her, fed her and clothed her and somehow Black people ain't shit and white people are awesome.
She went to private school so I think she got a taste of the white life and tried to live that lie.
My boy dated her, been in love with her since we were kids and he couldn't handle her. Her love for "them" was too much for him.
He told me she always said the black side of her fam hated her because she acted white. My boy was like "nah, they just call her out when she is on that bullshit"
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
25. "RE: Can you expand on this? Like actual examples" In response to Reply # 7
Not specific, but she's said numerous times that black guys don't holler. She has a really pretty face, zero body. Like the typical Neiman Marcus fun mixed girl on the beach look. She and her brother both have trouble interacting with black people. They were the black kids in their schools.
Like they grew up with no code switching, if you get me.
39. "If she's between B-More and H-Burg, I HIGHLY doubt this:" In response to Reply # 25
>Not specific, but she's said numerous times that black guys >don't holler.
That's THE SAME line that a lot of women that date white guys use. Again, I HIGHLY doubt this because it flies in the face of the narrative that women get hollered at as soon as they walk outside.
...and black men holler at every brand of women, so...
Part of me suspects it's really a preference, but instead of owning it it's masked in layers of justification.
Does this apply to more than just dating? Like how are her relationships with other black men in her life (if any)? Uncles? Cousins? etc.
>She has a really pretty face, zero body. Like >the typical Neiman Marcus fun mixed girl on the beach look. >She and her brother both have trouble interacting with black >people. They were the black kids in their schools. > >Like they grew up with no code switching, if you get me.
Anecdotal, but I've found it to be tough interacting with folks with that background (man or woman). It always seems like they are uncomfortable talking to me, even though I'm as okayplayery as anyone here.
43. "RE: If she's between B-More and H-Burg, I HIGHLY doubt this:" In response to Reply # 39
She doesn't have these relationships, I'm the closest by far. I mean she has a couple new Queer male friends. Her and her brother were raised in a super grey part of East Pennsylvania.
Your anecdote actually fits here though, because vice versa, it took her months to be comfortable being herself around me at first. Now that I think about it her only relationships with black people were built as a part of either a queer or bLM activism.
>>Not specific, but she's said numerous times that black guys >>don't holler. > >That's THE SAME line that a lot of women that date white guys >use. Again, I HIGHLY doubt this because it flies in the face >of the narrative that women get hollered at as soon as they >walk outside. > >...and black men holler at every brand of women, so... > >Part of me suspects it's really a preference, but instead of >owning it it's masked in layers of justification. > >Does this apply to more than just dating? Like how are her >relationships with other black men in her life (if any)? >Uncles? Cousins? etc. > > >>She has a really pretty face, zero body. Like >>the typical Neiman Marcus fun mixed girl on the beach look. >>She and her brother both have trouble interacting with black >>people. They were the black kids in their schools. >> >>Like they grew up with no code switching, if you get me. > >Anecdotal, but I've found it to be tough interacting with >folks with that background (man or woman). It always seems >like they are uncomfortable talking to me, even though I'm as >okayplayery as anyone here.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79574 posts
Mon Oct-17-16 02:55 PM
4. "It's too late... she's gone bruh" In response to Reply # 0
Plus she is mixed.... yeah, it's a wrap.
Only saving grace isn't a good one. More than likely she will end up dating the same type of person she is attracted to and she will get dogged out.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79574 posts
Mon Oct-17-16 02:57 PM
6. "She belongs to the city. " In response to Reply # 5
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79574 posts
Mon Oct-17-16 03:01 PM
12. "his cousin is lfresh... " In response to Reply # 10
He can't save her... she gone
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
15. "you are targetting lfresh because she disagrees with you" In response to Reply # 12
what a piece of shit you are.
. http://perspectivesudans.blogspot.com/ i myself would never want to be god,or even like god.Because god got all these human beings on this planet and i most certainly would not want to be responsible for them, or even have the disgrace that i made them.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79574 posts
Mon Oct-17-16 03:38 PM
20. "She called me rapey, misogyny, patriarchy because I liked BOAN" In response to Reply # 15
It's not targeting. It's truth.
Buddy even asked if she knew positive Black men because her responses were just mean spirited in that post.
When y'all disagree with someone you call them out of their name quick fast.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79574 posts
Mon Oct-17-16 04:18 PM
37. "The facts and fonts don't lie bruh..." In response to Reply # 32
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
40. "if the shoe fits..." In response to Reply # 20 Mon Oct-17-16 04:39 PM by akon
if this was in the context of wtf y'all were discussing in BOAN what does this have to do with you targetting her on a separate post in a completely unrelated post? are you this petty and trifling? i also know how you tend to misquote people to make yourself seem like the victim its that typically bitch-ass behaviour you seem proud of so stop acting like the rest of us don't know your modus operandi here you are behaving like a whiny little bitch, to be honest but im not even surprised.
. http://perspectivesudans.blogspot.com/ i myself would never want to be god,or even like god.Because god got all these human beings on this planet and i most certainly would not want to be responsible for them, or even have the disgrace that i made them.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79574 posts
Mon Oct-17-16 05:00 PM
41. "Lol...anytime a guy puts up a mirror y'all get mad as shit. " In response to Reply # 40
It's not your fault this is how she interacts with most dudes in here.
Keep lying for your girl if you want but the proof is out there.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
44. "lol@getting mad when here you are whining about being called out" In response to Reply # 41
you really are this dense
. http://perspectivesudans.blogspot.com/ i myself would never want to be god,or even like god.Because god got all these human beings on this planet and i most certainly would not want to be responsible for them, or even have the disgrace that i made them.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79574 posts
Mon Oct-17-16 05:43 PM
45. "Thanks for the convo Akon. " In response to Reply # 44
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
57. "that wasnt a 'convo', you lout" In response to Reply # 45
i typically don't bother to respond to your posts because i think you are pretty repulsive and have nothing to say except going around kekeke'ing and showing just how obtuse you are that post was just more evidence of your vile cesspool level density
. http://perspectivesudans.blogspot.com/ i myself would never want to be god,or even like god.Because god got all these human beings on this planet and i most certainly would not want to be responsible for them, or even have the disgrace that i made them.
55. "So now you are calling Leggs rapey too. Why again?" In response to Reply # 40
That's not the type of shit you casually throw around to win points in an online argument. You should have some pretty strong evidence to back that up that sort of slanderous talk.
>if this was in the context of wtf y'all were discussing in >BOAN >what does this have to do with you targetting her on a >separate post in a completely unrelated post? >are you this petty and trifling? >i also know how you tend to misquote people to make yourself >seem like the victim >its that typically bitch-ass behaviour you seem proud of >so stop acting like the rest of us don't know your modus >operandi here >you are behaving like a whiny little bitch, to be honest >but im not even surprised.
********** "Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson
50. "LOL yall used to own your shit, what happened?" In response to Reply # 20
>It's not targeting. It's truth. > >Buddy even asked if she knew positive Black men because her >responses were just mean spirited in that post. > >When y'all disagree with someone you call them out of their >name quick fast.
i'm calling you what you are you used to own that shit now that its unpopular you want to hide? being a misoginist aint cute no more so what you want to play like the other dude and act like you like black women or even women in general?? LMAO FOH
WHO THE FUCK DO YALL THINK PEOPLE WERE TALKING ABOUT WHEN THEY SAID WOMEN LEFT OKP??
i want to say yall cant be this dense but clearly you fucking are
and you think okp stands for all black men??
yall attack the few dudes that come to their senses run off the other few dudes that know ya'll are full of shit
get your feelings hurt and want to act fragile as shit when your feelings arent catered to
while yall did dirt on these boards and typed stupi dcrapy shit for fucking years???
then you go and make a post AFTER strutting around MAD when you saw how folks werent w Nate's rapey ass shit and the POST is clearly about making a point which is you like rapey ass shit
but you mad at me for calling you what you are?
be mad at yourselves fucking idiot ~~~~ When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries. ~~~~ You cannot hate people for their own good.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
80. "I think he should keep doing it." In response to Reply # 73
there's nothing better than whining about people saying things about you that are not your name and then calling someone something that isn't their name, in terms of clear evidence that legs is a hypocritical piece of shit.
so I'm 100% in favor of this strategy and hope it never, ever stops.
16. "upbringing is everything" In response to Reply # 0
my wife's cousins had bad parents, maybe 4-5 guys and a girl, all siblings split up and raised by different responsible family members the 3 that I know turned out alright, one of them was raised in the IE, primarily dates white girls and he's on the "All Lives Matter" train which is nothing like his brother and sister that I know
I thought this was going to be the "Black people do drugs and live in the ghetto" rhetoric, what you described sounds like it has more to do with her issues with gender and stereotypes.
She has to live life and subject herself to positive examples, if she wants that self-fulfilling prophecy then anything you say to the contrary is just going to be viewed as an argument, and having a bunch of friends that are endorsing all of that will make it harder if her point is that you're wrong because you're male.
I had a friend that attempted suicide and she was going on and on about how she might be bisexual and how much she hates men, I asked her to tell me what it was that SHE was doing in her life to make her feel that bad and she got offended, the thought of looking at herself and owning up to anything she was putting herself through without blaming somebody else was insulting but it was everybody elses fault for how she felt.
and if you had a good relationship up until now and her reason for being negative towards you is based on gender then she's going to relate everything you say back to being male and dismiss it.
if those people she hangs around turn out to be more negative than she realizes she'll start to get it.
42. "RE: I can't be the only one who noticed this..." In response to Reply # 29
It's not hard to notice.
If I were to ask her how she identifies in order of importance, I'm sure she would say, Woman, Queer, Black. Like a lot of east coast gays the Queer feminist acceptance matters much more to them. And I believe it matters because how vocal in support the group is.
And I think that group of black folks, like Crissie, Black Girl Nerds, Feminists Jones etc.. that are very vocal, are at times, and I hate to say this, but more times than not, more detrimental then helpful overall.
> > The OP's post doesn't really get into her issues with black >folks. He talks more about her reacting with sex/gender >stuff.
31. "Did you really think all her thoughts were nonsense?" In response to Reply # 0
It might be hard to have a reconciling conversation if there's nothing you can connect on, or at least acknowledge the perspective of.
Was there anything of value in your exchange? If so, maybe you can message her, point out one/a couple of those things (so that you start out your next convo on a positive), and then from there say that even though y'all disagree on this subject, you don't want to fight bc you're family and you care about her.
-- the untold want by life and land ne'er granted now voyager sail thou forth to seek and find
54. "Definitely impossible to talk to this person..." In response to Reply # 35
because no real critical thinking is going on. Everything has to fit into a preconceived category. If it doesn't they'll force it into one. The quickest way to understand whether or not you're wasting your time is to ask her to explain her stance. If she can't, starts deflecting or telling you that you "just don't get it", it's either the wrong time or she's not thinking for herself, relying on buzzwords and categories. Assigning any intelligence to such a person will drive you crazy, because you'll keep trying to pinpoint and understand something that only exists to antagonize you by telling you that you're off, even if you're dead on.
46. "You can only do so much.." In response to Reply # 0
Any adult who does not know good people, Black or non-Black, do not want to know any. It is a choice. IMO.
I believe that you may have to let your cousin find her way in life and you may need to charge her to the game.
I am all for helping people, but only if they want to be helped and willing to accept help while making efforts to help themselves.
Seems like she knows how you roll, do if that is not good enough for her to changer her opinions about people, then she can't be helped. Just hope and pray that she will come around and get to experience positive interactions with people.
49. "You mean discuss how they're ignoring good black people?" In response to Reply # 0
Can't argue with tunnel vision. They have an agenda, and it mirrors that of white supremacists. Self hatred causes people to do and say some ridiculous things. Like I always say tho, American society aggressively promotes self hatred for Black folks, so it's as understandable as it is detrimental and worthy of criticism.
51. "man yall telling on yourselves in here" In response to Reply # 0 Mon Oct-17-16 11:51 PM by lfresh
yall in here patting yourselves in the back as "good" people raving about those "angry black people" on twitter "they" would be the "bad" black folk
but she doesnt know any black people...supposedly
or the black men in this little circle jerk of feel good "i'm a good woke black man who loves himself some BOAN"
yo this would be hilarious if it wasnt sad in how much of a trump supporter like circle jerk yall are stuck in ~~~~ When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries. ~~~~ You cannot hate people for their own good.
62. "So family disagreed with you about a MOVIE & you cut off contact " In response to Reply # 0 Tue Oct-18-16 09:49 AM by Sarah_Bellum
But something is wrong with her? Conflict resolution skills not your strong point. Right or wrong, your actions just reaffirmed her beliefs by bailing over something petty. Smdh...
64. "RE: nah Facebook is a safe haven for belligerence " In response to Reply # 63
He didn't just delete the comments. He unfriended her... cut off lines of communication over a movie. Her only connection to the black side of her fam. Anyone who can cut off a family member over a movie has their own issues.
65. "But his post said she unfriended him. " In response to Reply # 64
>He didn't just delete the comments. He unfriended her... cut >off lines of communication over a movie. Her only connection >to the black side of her fam. >Anyone who can cut off a family member over a movie has their >own issues. > > > > >___________________________________________________________ > > >DJTB YOMM
********** "Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson
72. "I could make jokes about some of yalls desire to say a brother is doing " In response to Reply # 66
wrong got yall reading wrong, but I won't. (c) Trump.
>He deleted the comments, she unfriended. >I take it back. If she unfriending folks over a movie she's >silly. > >___________________________________________________________ > > >DJTB YOMM
********** "Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson
70. "There's a version of these that live near "hood" areas:" In response to Reply # 68
>I rarely hear people who grew up around a lot of black folks >make such sweeping statements.
Seems like they grew up around a bunch of black folks, but were "different" (like we all aren't), had some negative experiences with black folks and now carry a huge chip on their shoulder against those "no-good niggers" (yeah, they use the hard '-er').
Black as anyone, but yet they seem to dislike and distrust their own people.
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