"Yo, relationships are hard work. Kudos to you folks who do it. " Tue Jul-12-16 02:27 PM by double negative
A random example:
her: "Hey, why did you leave the X on the X?"
me: (busy with a task) "I uh....not sure...idunno"
her: "but why..."
me: "no clue...busy with this task I suppose"
her: "I see that, but I just want to know the thinking behind you leaving the X on the X"
me: (I'm now thinking she thinks i'm stupid and react with) "I have no idea, I just put the X on the X because I'm doing this at the moment and my mind is focused on the task at hand"
her: "Ok, well....hmmph"
cut to... a talk about things people in relationships talk about; feelings. all of the feelings.
but
you work it out and things are strong again or stronger than what they were before. And you feel happy because you were able to work it out.
but then
you're worried that another unforeseen hiccup will come through...
To the Folks who have been married or together for years and years and making it work....hats off to you.
I suppose its like anything else really, practice makes perfect.
1. "lol, here's how I handle this IRL:" In response to Reply # 0
>her: "Hey, why did you leave the X on the X?" > >me: (busy with a task) "aye, why you nagging me? you see I'm busy" > >her: "but..." > >me: "I'll get to it when I finish what I'm doing."
Pet peeve of mine is when someone tries to stop me while I'm doing one thing to try and get me to do something else, so I shut that down right away.
We can have the talk about X, but not when I'm busy with Y.
3. "i feel like i spend 85% of my energy avoiding arguments/disagreements" In response to Reply # 0
when i get in one, i'm like how the hell did i wind up here.
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
12. "yup, i straight up just be like, if we could go back in time i would" In response to Reply # 7
say something else.
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
5. "I think that's part of what's kept me out marriage/cohabitation" In response to Reply # 0
or even been a hurdle of sorts in relationships. It's like "Why am I accountable to YOU?". Why does your issue have to be an issue for me right now at this very moment?
I guess normally, if something is bothering me, I sit on things until I think I'm in a good headspace to discuss or feel the timing is right. Or door 3, balling it up and letting it fester into rage later. lol.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79560 posts
Tue Jul-12-16 03:31 PM
10. "haha... it's what women do" In response to Reply # 0
I tell myself women can't stop themselves from this type of stuff so I try not to get too angry.
been with my wife for 18 years (married 8) and the other day she asked me 10 questions in 2 minutes and I ignored the last 8 of them because I was working on something.
Finally she said "oh, so I guess you are tuning me out"
half the time it's not even about the answer, they just want you to stop what you are doing because they aren't the focus.
gotta love relationships.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
20. "Yep...it's their job" In response to Reply # 10
I can't get upset at it because I have accepted that it's part of their job and what makes them women. ______________________________ http://i.imgur.com/Gj5Wy56.jpg
25. "RE: haha... it's what women do" In response to Reply # 10
I finally learned this also, but it took a similar amount of time (dating seven years) married eleven before she admitted it. Can it be that it was all so simple?
Taking shots in the dark/that's a bad call Going straight for your head/ gotta saw it off
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79560 posts
Wed Jul-13-16 07:44 AM
27. "reminds me of Bernie Mac's joke about parking" In response to Reply # 26
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
33. "never said i dont cause an upset young lad lol. but she knows im not" In response to Reply # 31 Wed Jul-13-16 09:51 AM by mikediggz
willing to put but so much energy into a bullshit argument, so she might storm off, but thats ok. the end result is im left alone to my own devices lol
edit: and yes, weve got LOTS of time in the game so we know where we stand on most things lol.
>i suppose this is because you two have been together for >years and years and so you're on deep levels of understanding >
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79560 posts
Wed Jul-13-16 10:14 AM
36. "early on, you dont...lol" In response to Reply # 31
first time i did it my wife was pissed. this was back in college tho so she acted a fool and took it to heart.
now she just talks and acknowledges i tune her out and keeps it moving.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
40. "I feel like you're describing my boss" In response to Reply # 10
He asks me a question and then doesn't listen to the answer and then asks me another question that he would have already known the answer to if he'd listened to the first answer.
I've started to tune out his questions, or to say "as I just said" or "as I was just saying" (the last when he interrupts an answer). And by the way, I'm succinct. It's not that. It's that he can't be bothered to listen.
THAT, I think, is common to many men. And you pretty much agree with me.
~ ~ ~ All meetings end in separation All acquisition ends in dispersion All life ends in death - The Buddha
15. "maaaan, this right here." In response to Reply # 14
>figuring out what makes a woman happiest isnt the hard part, actually making time for it while having a life of my own is the challenge
or making it time for it while just trying to provide shelter and food lol
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79560 posts
Tue Jul-12-16 06:13 PM
23. "Yup, unfortunately your time alone is viewed as a problem in the relatio..." In response to Reply # 17
Of course guys will say shit like "nah, I do wtf I want" but 99% of those niggas are lying and the other 1% is about to get a divorce.
Its a tight rope but well worth it.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
16. "BTW, don't you hate advice from an oldhead who is like "What you need" In response to Reply # 0
to do it put your footdown and be like "bitch, this my house and I run this motherfucker" knowing full well they don't do that shit and that shit don't work for nobody.
********** "Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79560 posts
Wed Jul-13-16 07:45 AM
28. "most men are.. and we know it. " In response to Reply # 21
women know it too...
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79560 posts
Wed Jul-13-16 10:03 AM
34. "the look on their face when you respond and dont back down" In response to Reply # 32
priceless, they look so disappointed when you dont entertain their 20 questions.
my wife is great at acting dramatical and i will say
"..and cut! great scene, take 5"
she always breaks out in laughter cause she knows good and well shit aint that serious.
but i only do it when she is over the top on some drama stage shit.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79560 posts
Wed Jul-13-16 10:17 AM
37. "they be searching for it when its calm too... " In response to Reply # 35
shit aint right until they find something wrong.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
38. " BRUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" In response to Reply # 37
>RE: they be searching for it when its calm too... >shit aint right until they find something wrong. > > > Y'all in here preaching the good gospel according to Niggas Whose Women Act a Fool For No Good Damned Reason!
I think Case done taught all of y'all how to preach.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79560 posts
Wed Jul-13-16 02:09 PM
39. "its jokes.. with a whole lotta truth in them" In response to Reply # 38
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
41. "Jokes = Gospel= Truth!!!! I'm with it..." In response to Reply # 39
I'm dying laughing cuz all of it hit home.
I might even show my girl so she knows I ain't the only fool that attempts to do as little fussin' and fightin' as possible especially since the third F doesn't come immediately afterwards.
42. "Never let your guard down, everyone is laughing smiling, having a " In response to Reply # 0 Thu Jul-14-16 08:19 AM by Cenario
good time and then baaaaaaaaam.
Riding the train this morning with wifey...she looks at her reflection in the window.
Wifey: My stomach is so fat.
A dumb look comes over my face as i go through all the possible responses in my head and what her reaction to them will be.
Wifey: (laughing) Whats that face about
Me: I'm going over every thought in my head and how you'll shoot down each one.
Wifey: (laughing harder) Well, what was your first thought?
Me: That you are working on it, and you'll feel much better about your appearance soon enough.
Wifey's(laughter and smile vanishes) Well that's the wrong answer because..................
WTF just happened.
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
43. "see..you went wrong by even considering any responses at all..." In response to Reply # 42
you should have just remained silent and looked straight ahead with the stone face as if nothing was ever, ever said in the first place, which would have placed the ball squarely back in her court
but i feel u tho, even the best of us get caught out there from time to time
44. "dog we was laughing and joking the whole ride...i let my guard down" In response to Reply # 43
smh.
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
45. "The art of questions and confusion is my current go to" In response to Reply # 42
"I don't really know how to respond to that, I think you look great, but how we feel about ourselves is more important than outside perspective" (confusion)
------ “There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus
46. "lmao...i read that and was like whaaaaat?" In response to Reply # 45
even though i read the subject first.
i might try that tonight.
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
83. "thanks bro...i just got roped in again..i didn't use confusion and " In response to Reply # 45
questions tho bc i wasn't ready lol
Wifey: I'm bout to go to H&M to find a bathing suit that i don't mind my brother seeing me in....ugh.
Me: What do you mean?
Wifey: I feel so fat, its embarrassing.
PAUSE----- What would MEAT say here???
Me: *crosses fingers* Well, if your brother sees what I see when he looks at you, he'll like it.
Wifey: LOLOL i would hope that he's not looking at me the way you are.
Me: True, welp gotta go...bye.
While that wouldn't be exactly what you would have said, you gave me the extra impetus to weasel my way out of that crap...thanks bruh.
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
94. "used to be...he's got to be about 45+ now." In response to Reply # 89
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
99. "Self deprecation man. " In response to Reply # 94 Thu Jul-14-16 11:55 AM by MEAT
"That dude makes me feel fat too, let me get in on this swimsuit looking too"
In all honesty though self esteem is hard as shit. No matter what you may think about a person, it's gonna be up to them to see it in themselves. That can lead to over inflated egos just as much as it leads to bad. I understand that about myself, my wife loves the way I look, but I'm carrying like 20lbs of bad weight that I'm not comfortable with and there's nothing she can say about it that'll make me be ok with myself.
Keeping that in mind I'm very aware of how I respond to her. So when she talks to me about fashion or weight, I let her know how highly I think of her and how much I support whatever she needs. And it's been gradual communicating. There was one time she had done her hair a certain way and I asked her if she was wearing it like that today. She took that to mean that I didn't like it and didn't wear her hair like that for a year around me. We were talking about that initial situation a few weeks ago and she told me that she'd worn it like that this past March and that I didn't notice. I took that opportunity to remind her that it was my tone that communicated negative when it was just more curiosity that I was trying to express.
------ “There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus
101. "lol but that wouldn't work bc i'm in the best shape of my life" In response to Reply # 99
>"That dude makes me feel fat too, let me get in on this swimsuit looking too"
but i get your point.
The other challenge is that i do see where she can afford to lose a few pounds, but most importantly in regards to her over health. She's by no means fat or anything close to it, but probably 10-15 lbs above a healthy weight for her (she's got other health issues).
So generally i try to reassure her that i am attracted to her and think she's beautiful while trying to support better fitness for over all health.
I worry though, about dudes who actually stop being attracted to their partners bc of weight gain...like you can't say that, so you just straight up lie? What if your reassurance dissuades them from making changes....
Now try to tell me that ain't work lol
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79560 posts
Thu Jul-14-16 09:00 AM
51. "any conversation about fatness is an automatic L" In response to Reply # 42
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
59. "50% of the time i can ignore it." In response to Reply # 51
Which brings me to another point about women.
Complaining but not doing anything about it. She been complaining about her size, weight or whatever for probably 2 years. Well do something about it..nobody wanna hear those complaints all the time without taking some action...especially since i don't see her the way she sees herself. but whatevs, do something to change it.
I finally got her to do t25 with me(not bc i want her to per se, but bc she wanted to do something, but lacked motivation) which led to the convo today, which is why my first thought was "you are doing something about it and will see results soon" but i wasn't gonna say it.
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79560 posts
Thu Jul-14-16 12:15 PM
103. "I always think talking about it is wanting to hear positive" In response to Reply # 59
reinforcement which is cool but after a while I'm thinking... "cmon, you see those extra few pounds"
my wife just had a baby so it's real sensitive even tho she bounced back well due to breastfeeding and being a dance instructor.
she looks great tho...
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
58. "because if i say you look great to me, don't look fat, look fine etc." In response to Reply # 52
she'll say you're just saying that or no i don't/yes i do.
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
102. "been there done that..." In response to Reply # 98
response:
no.
No, i don't feel beautiful.
I feel fat.
You're just saying that bc you're my husband.
you're just saying that bc you think its the right thing to say lol
I have my period, leave me alone.
etc.
lol
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
real talk, you seem to have all the answers and have it all figured out.
really happy for you.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79560 posts
Thu Jul-14-16 10:02 AM
69. "offended? I'm amused... " In response to Reply # 54
you are the magic negro of OKP.
your replies in these types of post are predictable as hell.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79560 posts
Thu Jul-14-16 10:54 AM
87. "damn bruh, you sound mad" In response to Reply # 81
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
55. "Well aren't you MR. "I've got it all figured out". " In response to Reply # 49
Please bless us with your wisdom of how your household works Steve harvey.
>ive never been that guy >and my wife has never been that woman > >what a miserable way to live > >right is right >wrong is wrong >no matter the gender > >communication is key > >the females i know hate thier husbands >the guys i know hate thier wives >i rufuse to believe i has to be that way
********** "Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson
105. "the original poster didnt seem to be in a bad place" In response to Reply # 49
he said it's hard work
if it isnt hard work for you, you're the breadwinner and she's a docile housewife or she's a doormat who doesnt speak up for herself
marriage is work because two people who start out with completely different lives, desires, interests, hobbies etc. are supposed to live under one accord because they love each other
it's not impossible, but it's work to consider someone else and not put yourself first
60. "how long you been single for?" In response to Reply # 57 Thu Jul-14-16 09:41 AM by Cenario
jokes, but raising children is hard work, caring for an elderly parent is hard work, etc.
don't mean you don't love them.
I'd say the more you love and care about your mate, the more WORK you're willing to put into the relationship. If you don't care, they mad...who cares, you go on with whatever you doing. If you really care about someone deeply, you're willing to do the extra work to resolve issues, keep them happy, sacrifice of yourself when you don't want to, try to understand them when they aren't making any sense....that aint easy no matter how much you love a person, bc you don't always have that stuff to give. Sometimes you do...alot of times you don't.
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
62. "its WORK. " In response to Reply # 57 Thu Jul-14-16 09:45 AM by double negative
just like the way going to the therapist is work or working on the body by way of exercise or putting in work to the thing you really love doing and want to make your main job someday
its not work in the same way digging a ditch is work or stocking endless shelves or busting your back for UPS is work.
you do it because you have a vision and you want to work towards making that vision a reality.
66. "do you believe in the concept of a "lazy" partner?" In response to Reply # 65
or someone who is not trying or phoning it in?
thats the opposite.
the word "work" is used not a negative way it just means being conscious of your own biases, being present, thinking outside of your self. it really just means trying and giving a damn.
67. "its work because you constantly have to think about someone elses..." In response to Reply # 57
feelings and opinions, and as individuals that takes effort for things to run smoothly. constant compromise and maintaining a team mentality takes ongoing effort and over long periods of time that level of effort naturally wavers periodically which is where problems arise
71. "i don't believe its non-existent for anyone." In response to Reply # 70
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
76. "jeez...THIS is work." In response to Reply # 75
What did you mean in reply 70?
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79560 posts
Thu Jul-14-16 10:23 AM
77. "lmao at this exchange" In response to Reply # 76
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
80. "and i don't believe this to be true...that's all i was saying" In response to Reply # 79
>a relationship may not be work for some people...
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79560 posts
Thu Jul-14-16 10:33 AM
82. "if you truly love them, it isn't work" In response to Reply # 80
that's the bullshit they trying to use.
fuck that, its work and work isn't a bad thing.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
84. "right...i think the exercise example is perfect." In response to Reply # 82 Thu Jul-14-16 10:38 AM by Cenario
>fuck that, its work and work isn't a bad thing.
You can love going to the gym and love the results and the burn and the soreness and all of that...but every bodybuilder, gym rat will tell you that its work. There are times you don't feel like going, or can't do that last set, or can't finish your workout or you won't to eat and drink unhealthily...its work. But its easier for some folks than it is for others.
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79560 posts
Thu Jul-14-16 10:50 AM
86. "well that "worked" out perfectly for yall " In response to Reply # 85
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
72. "i dont thk any two ppl thk exactly the same all the time abt everythg" In response to Reply # 70 Thu Jul-14-16 10:14 AM by mikediggz
over an extended period of time...even the best matched couples have their moments and challenges. everybody has times where they want to think about themselves because we are all individuals first...but im sure it does work better for some couples than others tho.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79560 posts
Thu Jul-14-16 10:15 AM
73. "you and double neg nailed it" In response to Reply # 67
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79560 posts
Thu Jul-14-16 11:07 AM
92. "when someone says they never argue or disagree " In response to Reply # 88
it usually means someone is lying or bottling up their feelings.
its extremely rare for 2 people to be so in tune they never disagree or argue.
i remember saying this about my last relationship and when we finally had an argument it was super ugly.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
96. "yup its that they look over and bottle stuff up." In response to Reply # 92
all that stuff eventually comes to a head.
Can't be that close to someone and not have disagreements. Granted, they don't all have to turn into arguments but ya'll are bound to feel strongly about something that ya'll disagree on.
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
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