25. "yep yep." In response to Reply # 7 Wed May-04-16 05:26 PM by denny
This is how I got through drug withdrawal lol. I started seeing my emotions as 'chemical states of my brain'. Everything we experience goes through a filter of this chemical state which turns it's hue either good or bad. But by itself...nothing is good or bad.
Essentially...all of our revelations and epiphanies and 'moments of clarity' and love and hate and 'seeing god' and fearing the devil are this (or lack thereof):
even if it isn't serious dating just meeting new people.
I tried to see if I could make it work with the girl who broke my heart just cause the sex was good but after every session I would have a "fuck her, she ain't shit, don't let her back in" moment.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
12. "you give it time but use your time wisely" In response to Reply # 0 Wed May-04-16 11:40 AM by teefiveten
fill it up with moments where you do things
see friends. plan outings with them in advance. something about filling a calendar w/ things to do can make you feel optimistic
travel if you can. even if it's to visit friends in another city. don't feel like you need to eat pray love.
go to therapy if it's especially hard. it works. i am not diagnosed w/ any illness nor do i take meds but i see a therapist twice a month. it was once a week when i was a real wreck post-breakup. it helps me deal with everything - i talk about everything from dating to work stuff. friends are great but they default to giving you advice and reacting to what you're saying when sometimes you just need a healthy, unbiased place to get your thoughts and feelings together.
date when you feel like it. don't feel like you need to get up under someone new unless you feel you can handle it emotionally and it's ok if you don't. don't let anyone make you feel like you are wrong for not starting to date or dating when they feel it's "too soon". you know yourself. trust yourself.
acknowledge and be ok with some days being better than others. there will be days where you'll feel just as bad as that first day of heartbreak and that's ok. just know you won't be there for long
make plans for your life. if you already had a plan, take this extra time to move things along more quickly.
i am 5 years out of my last relationship that caused all this devastation and i still deal w/ remnants. but i've grown so much. i'm really proud of myself.
21. "seriously. friends aren't equipped" In response to Reply # 18
they want to help and give advice and that's not always what you want/need
i had a friend also going through a breakup while i was going through my stuff and honestly it was wearing me D-O-W-N. it was cool b/c we'd get together and drink and commisserate but after a while it was just all talk about her ex and the bitterness still there and i couldn't deal. i wasn't dumping on her as she was me b/c i was seeing a therapist
i still talked about my issues with friends but far less frequently which leaves more time for actual fun things to do w/ friends, which they are equipped to handle and are quite the expert at . friends to cheer you up, therapy to work through the feelings.
friends are great >but they default to giving you advice and reacting to what >you're saying when sometimes you just need a healthy, unbiased >place to get your thoughts and feelings together.
so what is the ideal way for friends to respond so that you don't feel like they are doing this?
i struggle with this with my friends...i'm an advice-giver usually, but i've recently learned to just ask questions, like "so what do you plan to do about it?"
auragin_boi Member since Aug 01st 2003 20939 posts
Wed May-04-16 02:51 PM
19. "Digest it for a few days" In response to Reply # 0 Wed May-04-16 02:51 PM by auragin_boi
-Examine why your heart was broken -Attribute the correct amount of accountability both ways (own your part in it, even if it was minor) -Make note of whatever issues deconstructed it and develop ways to be more keen of them in the future -Realize that this is life and without love lost it wouldn't be as gratifying when love is gained -Cherish the memories and be thankful for the experience -Move on to loving yourself, bettering yourself -Healing complete
^^^Entire process should take about 5-7 days.
Not to say that you still won't carry 'some' of it with you at times but you won't wallow.
It's an active decision to move on that heals a broken heart.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79554 posts
Wed May-04-16 03:11 PM
23. "few days? nah.. I think it takes longer than that" In response to Reply # 19
but this is why I went out and dated other women. I was a mess and the dates were clumsy but I had to see other women to remind me there are more fish in the sea.
prolly not the best way but friends were fed up hearing me vent. pretty sure some of them even hooked up a few dates for me.
I tried the isolation, reflect and all that did was motivate me to walk to her place at 3AM and that was a bad look.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
auragin_boi Member since Aug 01st 2003 20939 posts
Thu May-05-16 08:21 AM
27. "It could...but it shouldn't" In response to Reply # 23 Thu May-05-16 08:23 AM by auragin_boi
>but this is why I went out and dated other women. I was a >mess and the dates were clumsy but I had to see other women to >remind me there are more fish in the sea.
But you didn't need to date to remind yourself of this. And depending on the premise of the dates, you were just wasting time. Better to be in a better space before you view other options.
>prolly not the best way but friends were fed up hearing me >vent. pretty sure some of them even hooked up a few dates for >me.
You wanted it to linger and that's cool. You weren't ready to let go and your process is yours. But most people don't take accountability for their emotions. It's really an active decision to move on. Especially when there's practically no hope the situation that caused the heartbreak will reverse itself.
I've been angry about things, realized I was holding the anger and did it on purpose so the feelings resonated. So next time that event occurred, I could respond accordingly and move on without as much anger. I simply adjust my reaction to it. Other times, I've been angry about something and I just say, "it's not worth my entire mood" and I'm over it. Heartbreak is digested a lil longer but it's no different. I feel it should take no longer than a week to move on and get past the "woe is me" phase.
>I tried the isolation, reflect and all that did was motivate >me to walk to her place at 3AM and that was a bad look.
Yeah, that's obsessive. Which is one of the reasons I think this should take only a week. But this is all IMO, different things work for different people. I was just offering up my process which is really all one can do in response to the OP's question.
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. friends to cheer you up, therapy to work through the feelings.
