6. "That reminds me of a story..." In response to Reply # 4
My boy's younger brother recently got engaged. His fiancee's family has some money. They told their daughter that they would either throw them the big, dream wedding or give them the money toward a home (they're living in California too).
She wanted the wedding. Man, my boy's brother nearly F L I P P E D. he tried & tried to get her to change her mind but she wasn't gonna budge.
7. "DAMN! That's that good resentment causing action right..." In response to Reply # 6
> > My boy's younger brother recently got engaged. His fiancee's >family has some money. They told their daughter that they >would either throw them the big, dream wedding or give them >the money toward a home (they're living in California too). > > She wanted the wedding. Man, my boy's brother nearly F L I P >P E D. he tried & tried to get her to change her mind but she >wasn't gonna budge.
11. "Honestly, they'll be fine..." In response to Reply # 8
They're both doing VERY well. A house is a big advantage for any young couple, but these 2 won't have hard times out the gate.
The story just kinda highlighted their different backgrounds. She grew up in a well-to-do family. My boy & his brother grew up with a single mother and some struggles. It was just a little peek into how their upbringings still affect who they are.
12. "to me it speaks to priorities" In response to Reply # 11 Tue Feb-02-16 04:24 PM by Selah
not so much what *CAN* you do, but what should you do
a WEDDING over a house?! nah b.
the wisest friend i have often speaks of "peek-a-boos" you get in relationships that give you a peek into what you are getting yourslef into by being with someone. crossroads points. this would be one of those (to me anyway)
good luck to 'em. what's that old saying about "if you like it, i love it"?
>not so much what *CAN* you do, but what should you do > >a WEDDING over a house?! nah b. > >the wisest friend i have often speaks of "peek-a-boos" you get >in relationships that give you a peek into what you are >getting yourslef into by being with someone. crossroads >points. this would be one of those (to me anyway) > >good luck to 'em. what's that old saying about "if you like >it, i love it"? > >*shrug*
-DJ R-Tistic- Member since Nov 06th 2008 51986 posts
Tue Feb-02-16 05:56 PM
17. "Man...............I honestly feel like I know more women who would" In response to Reply # 12
take the Wedding over a House, all depending on how it worked out.
Also depends on what type of Wedding they would be able to have if they weren't given that assistance money. Like, if you told a woman, "court house but you get a down payment for a house" or "no down payment, but elegant wedding," I'm thinking the majority would take the Wedding. But if having a small-moderate scale Wedding was an option along with Down Payment, maybe they would accept that deal.
But shit....I donno...a 250K house down payment with FHA is typically 8K, while an average Wedding is like 20-30K from what I see. So I don't even see how it would be "this or that" word to Dres n them.
37. "you get one wedding (hopefully) " In response to Reply # 17
But I will say I'm glad we bought a house before planning our wedding because I would have been dipping in to the house money for all types of silly, shiny shit.
20. "I think some of ya'll are underestimating wedding importance to women......" In response to Reply # 8
I'd pick the money towards the house too, but...
Women are pretty much socialized to have a wedding that is as close to their dreams as possible. Some of the most sensible women I know still had and or want the dream wedding cause it's such special moment to them.
It's easy for guys (who are usually more practical) to write that off, but your wife to be has been thinking about her dream wedding since she was 12.
Just saying. ______________________________________________________________________________
cscpov.blogspot.com
"There's a fine line between persistence and foolishness..." -unknown
Besides, if you have a plan, you can get a house 2,3, 5 years down the line if your cards are in order. You ain't going back to have your wedding day.
I didn't want a big wedding or a house for that matter but my wife did. We (she) spent a sizeable amount on her wedding. It wasnt that big of a deal to me until the day of. Looking back, i couldn't imagine doing it differently bc it was a wonderful event and people say to this day that it was the best wedding they ever went to. Food/entertainment/ambiance everything. Elegant but still a party.
We coulda used that money for a sizeable downpayment on a house but didn't. Instead we purchased 3 years in..
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
when i was a kid i though a bunch of crazy stuff, so that is fine
but, as an adult, i do understand that at some point your childhood dreams should be looked at through the lens of long-term gain vs short-term satisfaction
again, it just shows you what you are working with (note: before the "you hate women" brigade starts up, the same things happen the other way. I know women who have had to deal with guys making similar decisions when faced with choices. Like E-40 said: "don't buy an $80K dollar car, before you buy a house")
-DJ R-Tistic- Member since Nov 06th 2008 51986 posts
Wed Feb-03-16 12:30 PM
30. "LOL! Nah....like, I know women who basically feel like this..." In response to Reply # 26
they feel like the Wedding has been built up to them since then, and not just in a "when I was a kid, I wanted to be a princess, so this is the closest thing to that"....but it gets even more serious when they become and adult and realize the emotional/romantic ties behind it all. And then going to their friends/relatives Weddings ups the ante waaaaaaaay more.
Hell, my homegirls at FAMU who are Deltas?? Not a single ONE of them has had a moderate, decent, "cute" Wedding. Them mofos basically compete with that. And they're all very successful, and marry successful guys...and basically all bought houses within 2-3 years of being married, if not before hand. But yeah, it's no way possible that you could tell them to not have a big Wedding...it's just ingrained in em.
32. "bruh...you said a keyword" In response to Reply # 30 Wed Feb-03-16 01:19 PM by Selah
"FAMU"
The lines are tapped, so i won't tell it all
but yeah, I got a story about a certain skeewee from there
and if you think the DSTs are bad in this regard (which they are) but them paper bag testers?
*whew*
needless to say (and very much in line with this convo) swear foe God I knew we were in trouble when she was window shopping and seriously looking at rings that were more expensive than both our tuition combined for a year on our SECOND DATE. that was our 1st argument, and she was dead serious that mess was reasonable
knee-grow....
i look back and often ask myself: what were you DOING....then i remember. lol (shoutouts to the Dillards dressing rooms @ Tally-ho mall)
my buddy from back then, whenever i'm about to do something foolish, uses "FAMU" as a way to get me to check myself
-DJ R-Tistic- Member since Nov 06th 2008 51986 posts
Wed Feb-03-16 01:16 PM
34. "Damn! And I just thought about it...my mom and her sisters are all" In response to Reply # 32
FAMU AKAs from way way way back, the 70's and 80's...but I have way more Delta homegirls now. Also, gotta remember that AKAs were suspended EVERYWHERE the year I got to college, so most of the legit ones I knew became Deltas, which may have made them bougier than normal! lol
>needless to say (and very much in line with this convo) swear >foe God I knew we were in trouble when she was windows >shopping and seriously looking at rings that were more >expensive than both our tuition combined for a year on our >SECOND DATE. that was our 1st argument, and she was dead >serious that mess was reasonable > >knee-grow.... > >i look back and often ask myself: what were you DOING....then >i remember. lol (shoutouts to the Dillards dressing rooms @ >Tally-ho mall) > >my buddy from back then, whenever i'm about to do something >foolish, uses "FAMU" as a way to get me to check myself
WTF, on the second date at that? College girls can be all the way delusional for sure.
14. "lol right, sure i'd like to upgrade the ring but that's like 18th on the..." In response to Reply # 9
of the things i'd want for her/us.
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
16. "my father in law has upgraded ring like 3 times now" In response to Reply # 0
his wife prefers the original because that is the one with sentimental value. I agree with her and would never upgrade the ring. My wife wouldnt want to either.
November 8th, 2005 The greatest night in the history of GD!
19. "We been married nearly 14 years...the LAST thing either of us are concer..." In response to Reply # 0
about at this point in our marriage is the size of our jewelry.... real talk....i'd look sideways at any couple where THIS is even on the periphery of their conscience.
23. "upgrade don't necessarily mean size tho" In response to Reply # 19
that joint could be yellow as MJs eyes.
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79607 posts
Wed Feb-03-16 11:18 AM
24. "i knew a couple who spent 50k on their wedding " In response to Reply # 19
and we're divorced 3 years later.
She always wanted that dream wedding but tapped out on him a year or 2 later because she never thought about life after the wedding.
but as far as rings upgraded go .. if the money is there and it's what she wants I wouldn't trip as long as the marriage was fine.
personally I would never marry a woman like that BUT if she did it wouldn't be an issue.
same people saying wow at jewelry upgrades (I do) have no problem splurging on electronics.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
27. "wow, that's gotta sting. Hope her fam footed the wedding bill at least....." In response to Reply # 24
>personally I would never marry a woman like that BUT if she >did it wouldn't be an issue.
I think it'd be an issue for me if it suddenly became an issue. Folks change indeed...but if allofasudden you caring about stuff like THAT and you never did before?? something is amiss...
>same people saying wow at jewelry upgrades (I do) have no >problem splurging on electronics.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79607 posts
Wed Feb-03-16 12:07 PM
28. "i dont think a woman goes from not caring to caring..." In response to Reply # 27
unless she has new friends in her ear.
but if finances triple and she looked down,and her ring and said she wanted to upgrade I wouldn't be mad or think she didn't have her priorities in order.
women like jewelry...
the problem IMO is when they are trying to compete with friends or act like you don't love them if the ring isn't upgraded.
but we all like nice things. I could live with the TV I have now but I still want that 60 inch HD cause sports and nat geo look so lovely on it...lol.
and half these niggas on OKP wear $25 boxers and $500 denim they don't wash...
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
29. "rings are a status symbol though. If your salary tripled likely you are" In response to Reply # 28
living in a different neighborhood, rubbing shoulders with different folks and ya'll got new friends (don't mean ya'll ditched the old one) but your circle is larger.
You likely ain't driving the same type of you were at 1/3rd the salary. Its reasonable a woman might want an upgraded rock.
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
36. "Exactly. The funny thing is that when we got married" In response to Reply # 19
we got decent rings, not too extravagant at all, and at the time we both thought that maybe we would upgrade them in the future.
Almost 10 years later - neither of us could imagine doing that at all. Not from a financial standpoint - we make way more now. But there is sentimental value attached to our rings that means more to us than upgraded bling would.
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