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Subject: "At what age do you start telling a crying boy to "man up?"" Previous topic | Next topic
veritas
Member since Sep 16th 2002
37201 posts
Tue Dec-15-15 05:38 PM

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"At what age do you start telling a crying boy to "man up?""


          

Or is that antiquated patriarchy that's inappropriate for any age?

I just saw a kid that looked to be between ten and twelve full on bawling (he had fallen on some ice...nothing appeared to be bleeding or broken) and my first instinct was to tell him to man up.

I didn't. But his Mom didn't appear to either. And I kinda judged her for it.

i still blame hip-hop.

  

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
No kids but in relation to my nephews - 5
Dec 15th 2015
1
it depends on what he is crying for
Dec 15th 2015
2
i'm intrigued by this distinction
Dec 15th 2015
3
i can clap to this...
Dec 15th 2015
5
stop crying before i give you something to cry about it.
Dec 15th 2015
7
^Where I'm at
Dec 15th 2015
9
shit like this is one of many reasons i'm so glad i won't ever have kids...
Dec 15th 2015
4
i tend to agree but can you clarify which part?
Dec 15th 2015
8
all of it.
Dec 15th 2015
14
      I don't really fight any of this.
Dec 16th 2015
39
           great.
Dec 16th 2015
40
man up and be a father.
Dec 15th 2015
13
      i'm just gonna leave this here:
Dec 16th 2015
34
           man...this song has aged well...still dope
Dec 16th 2015
37
           Did you know Ed OG himself felt inadequate as a parent when he made
Dec 16th 2015
42
depends on what he's crying about...that being said i'd never use
Dec 15th 2015
6
lol i read this twice before i caught the end
Dec 15th 2015
12
LOL smh:
Dec 15th 2015
18
All of my Nephews -- as soon as they can speak in semi-complete sentence...
Dec 15th 2015
10
they start manipulating so young shit is crazy
Dec 15th 2015
11
No later than 15...
Dec 15th 2015
15
full on bawling (he had fallen on some ice..
Dec 15th 2015
16
I tell my 3 year old that now
Dec 15th 2015
17
You don't.
Dec 15th 2015
19
as soon as they can converse back. like 3 i guess.
Dec 15th 2015
20
gender shouldnt matter
Dec 15th 2015
21
RE: At what age do you start telling a crying boy to "man up?"
Dec 15th 2015
22
The whole "patriarchy" argument is so tough to me in 2015.
Dec 15th 2015
23
i don't think that's the word you mean to use.
Dec 15th 2015
24
I was being all the way sarcastic, based off the OP
Dec 15th 2015
26
      oh okay.
Dec 16th 2015
33
Exactly
Dec 15th 2015
25
but what's the argument in favor of gendering it
Dec 16th 2015
28
Personally, I feel like I watched my dad always be the emotional anchor
Dec 16th 2015
29
      have you considered the possibility
Dec 16th 2015
30
           But could he not say the same thing to you?
Dec 16th 2015
31
           Basically.
Dec 16th 2015
45
           no. because I'm not making that point. did you think about this?
Dec 16th 2015
56
                Smh...did *you* think about this or
Dec 16th 2015
59
           There's no perfect way of raising kids, nothing close.
Dec 16th 2015
47
                so what really are you arguing against
Dec 16th 2015
57
                     I'm not arguing for or against anything. I stated that the argument itse...
Dec 17th 2015
86
I dunno - with physical pain there's a choice involved.
Dec 16th 2015
32
      i agree
Dec 16th 2015
36
      To me, a pain cry is different from emotional
Dec 16th 2015
49
      You haven't experienced bad enough pain
Dec 16th 2015
60
           not for nothin, but why'd u get a tooth pulled without meds?
Dec 17th 2015
64
           the anesthesia wouldn't take and it was new york
Dec 17th 2015
76
                So you were aneasthesized? But you're immune?
Dec 17th 2015
80
           How could you possibly assert that?
Dec 17th 2015
74
                i said YOU....
Dec 17th 2015
77
                     Are you asserting that I don't practice meditation?
Dec 17th 2015
79
                          if she followed that advice it would ruin her whole style.
Dec 17th 2015
81
                          tell me about the time you had surgery without anesthesia
Dec 17th 2015
82
                               I'm not obligated to recount my experiences to disprove your points.
Dec 18th 2015
91
I dont think I would bother saying it at any age
Dec 16th 2015
27
My go to:
Dec 16th 2015
35
good stuff.
Dec 16th 2015
38
i like this...i'll def use it on my son
Dec 16th 2015
44
nice
Dec 16th 2015
48
I try not to use that thought process.
Dec 16th 2015
41
parents gotta be competent enough to assess on a case by case basis
Dec 16th 2015
43
7 or 8.
Dec 16th 2015
46
lol...I was gonna say 5-6
Dec 17th 2015
71
Since I am not a Millenial I tell him straight up to man up
Dec 16th 2015
50
What does MAN Up even mean?
Dec 16th 2015
51
*blinks*
Dec 16th 2015
53
No need for the *blinks* doc
Dec 16th 2015
58
      ehh
Dec 17th 2015
65
      Well. That's really interesting.
Dec 17th 2015
67
      I'm with you. It's a loaded term that can be especially harmful when
Dec 17th 2015
88
           Right!
Dec 17th 2015
90
man up and google it.
Dec 17th 2015
69
I never tell him to "man up," but I do address the whining/crying
Dec 16th 2015
52
https://youtu.be/hFwfy4tY4hw?t=100
Dec 16th 2015
54
long long ago
Dec 16th 2015
55
I remember in varsity basketball practice our 6'4 center fell hard
Dec 17th 2015
61
You can't put a baby baller on the court.
Dec 17th 2015
72
People are tripping about the phrase
Dec 17th 2015
62
nah yo... we are the same
Dec 17th 2015
66
Soon as possible. Lazy parenting and stunting emotional growth
Dec 17th 2015
63
Explain how telling a son
Dec 17th 2015
68
      Kinda don't wanna talk about gender with a white dude that
Dec 17th 2015
70
           In other words you have no clue what you're talking about
Dec 17th 2015
73
                True
Dec 17th 2015
78
There is nothing wrong with telling a child to
Dec 17th 2015
75
Boy or girl crying over bullshit gotta suck it up.
Dec 17th 2015
83
this seems to be the prevailing sentiment...not quite consensus
Dec 17th 2015
84
In the delivery room of course
Dec 17th 2015
85
lmao
Dec 17th 2015
89
I think it's better to teach the different responses they'll get
Dec 17th 2015
87

Big Kuntry
Member since May 09th 2010
14866 posts
Tue Dec-15-15 05:41 PM

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1. "No kids but in relation to my nephews - 5"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

  

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RobOne4
Member since Jun 06th 2003
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Tue Dec-15-15 05:43 PM

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2. "it depends on what he is crying for"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

I always tell my boy it is okay to cry when you are sad or when you get hurt. But dont fucking whine. At some point when they get hurt it turns to I am no longer hurt but want attention and that is when I say shut up and walk it off. When it is me and the boy he could get hit by a truck and he will get up and walk that shit off before I can help him up. But when mom or grandma is around he slips and falls on carpet and it is sad face and them holding him for 10 minutes.

November 8th, 2005 The greatest night in the history of GD!

  

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veritas
Member since Sep 16th 2002
37201 posts
Tue Dec-15-15 05:46 PM

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3. "i'm intrigued by this distinction"
In response to Reply # 2


          

seems like a legitimate line to draw.

attention seeking crying: bad; crying out of pain/sadness: fine

i really can't argue with it.

i still blame hip-hop.

  

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BigJazz
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Tue Dec-15-15 05:47 PM

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5. "i can clap to this..."
In response to Reply # 2


  

          


***
I'm tryna be better off, not better than...

  

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Cenario
Member since Aug 24th 2005
59129 posts
Tue Dec-15-15 05:48 PM

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7. "stop crying before i give you something to cry about it."
In response to Reply # 2


  

          

Alll the damn moisture dry up.

-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.

  

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Ishwip
Member since Jun 10th 2005
19953 posts
Tue Dec-15-15 05:54 PM

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9. "^Where I'm at"
In response to Reply # 2


          

>I always tell my boy it is okay to cry when you are sad or
>when you get hurt. But dont fucking whine. At some point when
>they get hurt it turns to I am no longer hurt but want
>attention and that is when I say shut up and walk it off.

I have no kids of my own, but do have 2 nephews, a niece, and a sister 22 years younger than me. I'm not tolerating the whining or constant crying foolishness.

Oh, and don't even think about acting up in public when I, your nice uncle/big brother, is taking the time to do something nice for you haha. Best believe you will get returned back to your parents very fast.


__
I don't like the beat anymore because its just a loop. ALC didn't FLIP IT ENOUGH!

Flip it enough? Flip these. Flip off. Go flip some f*cking burgers.(c)Kno

Allied State of the National Electric Beat Treaty Organization (NEBTO)

  

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SoWhat
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Tue Dec-15-15 05:47 PM

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4. "shit like this is one of many reasons i'm so glad i won't ever have kids..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

ever.

fuck you.

  

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veritas
Member since Sep 16th 2002
37201 posts
Tue Dec-15-15 05:49 PM

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8. "i tend to agree but can you clarify which part?"
In response to Reply # 4


          

i still blame hip-hop.

  

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SoWhat
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Tue Dec-15-15 06:24 PM

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14. "all of it."
In response to Reply # 8


  

          

1. Fighting the urge to treat the boy as I was treated given what I know about the harm it produced.

2. Dealing with judgment from other ppl about my parenting decisions.

3. Constant anxiety about whether I'm making the right parenting decisions.

fuck you.

  

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tariqhu
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Wed Dec-16-15 09:23 AM

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39. "I don't really fight any of this."
In response to Reply # 14


          

true, 1 & 3 will happen periodically, but we just have our on groove and things tend to work out. however, number 2 is never an issue. don't care enough about outside judgements, not even the grandparents.


>1. Fighting the urge to treat the boy as I was treated given
>what I know about the harm it produced.
>
>2. Dealing with judgment from other ppl about my parenting
>decisions.
>
>3. Constant anxiety about whether I'm making the right
>parenting decisions.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

  

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SoWhat
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Wed Dec-16-15 09:26 AM

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40. "great."
In response to Reply # 39


  

          

fuck you.

  

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PoppaGeorge
Member since Nov 07th 2004
10384 posts
Tue Dec-15-15 06:01 PM

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13. "man up and be a father."
In response to Reply # 4


  

          


---------------------------

"Where was the peace when we were getting shot? Where's the peace when we were getting laid out?
Where is the peace when we are in the back of ambulances? Where is the peace then?
They don't want to call for peace then.

  

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FLUIDJ
Member since Sep 18th 2002
44604 posts
Wed Dec-16-15 07:28 AM

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34. "i'm just gonna leave this here:"
In response to Reply # 13


  

          

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQMVsQW_kjM

  

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Seven
Member since Dec 11th 2004
10708 posts
Wed Dec-16-15 09:18 AM

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37. "man...this song has aged well...still dope"
In response to Reply # 34


          

  

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micMajestic
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Wed Dec-16-15 01:28 PM

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42. "Did you know Ed OG himself felt inadequate as a parent when he made"
In response to Reply # 34


          

>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQMVsQW_kjM

this song? I can't give you the source, but I remember him saying that the song was partly aimed at himself. Interesting.

  

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Cenario
Member since Aug 24th 2005
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Tue Dec-15-15 05:47 PM

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6. "depends on what he's crying about...that being said i'd never use"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

the term man up bc he's crying....sends the wrong message to boys.




I'll tell him to stop being a lil biaaatch.

-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.

  

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veritas
Member since Sep 16th 2002
37201 posts
Tue Dec-15-15 05:57 PM

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12. "lol i read this twice before i caught the end"
In response to Reply # 6


          

>the term man up bc he's crying....sends the wrong message to
>boys.
>
>
>
>
>I'll tell him to stop being a lil biaaatch.

i still blame hip-hop.

  

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blkprinceMD05
Member since Nov 29th 2004
41323 posts
Tue Dec-15-15 07:34 PM

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18. "LOL smh:"
In response to Reply # 6


  

          

>the term man up bc he's crying....sends the wrong message to
>boys.
>
>
>
>
>I'll tell him to stop being a lil biaaatch.

prototype

stand ur ground, believe in urself,
believe in love, prepare urself for love, remove the negativity from ur life, and accept the love u kno u deserve

  

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Cam
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Tue Dec-15-15 05:55 PM

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10. "All of my Nephews -- as soon as they can speak in semi-complete sentence..."
In response to Reply # 0
Tue Dec-15-15 06:02 PM by Cam

  

          

Needless tears and whining, Uncle Cam doesn't play that shit.
I explain that I don't believe their tears and tell them to use all of the great words they know--like a big boy. After that, I just ignore them until they decide to speak.
It works!

One of them is a great negotiator and understands the power of manipulation, so he cries only if he thinks his mother is around and he wants her to hold his hand.

  

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RobOne4
Member since Jun 06th 2003
56697 posts
Tue Dec-15-15 05:57 PM

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11. "they start manipulating so young shit is crazy"
In response to Reply # 10


  

          

November 8th, 2005 The greatest night in the history of GD!

  

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Kira
Member since Nov 14th 2004
28833 posts
Tue Dec-15-15 06:45 PM

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15. "No later than 15..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

... And that assumes life hasn't told them firsthand to man up by this point.

  

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rdhull
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Tue Dec-15-15 06:53 PM

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16. "full on bawling (he had fallen on some ice.."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

  

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Anonymous
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Tue Dec-15-15 07:15 PM

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17. "I tell my 3 year old that now"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Obviously depending on what he's crying for.

  

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Hitokiri
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Tue Dec-15-15 07:37 PM

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19. "You don't."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hc45-ptHMxo

--

"You can't beat white people. You can only knock them out."

  

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BrooklynWHAT
Member since Jun 15th 2007
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Tue Dec-15-15 07:40 PM

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20. "as soon as they can converse back. like 3 i guess."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

<--- Big Baller World Order

  

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seasoned vet
Member since Jul 29th 2008
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Tue Dec-15-15 07:48 PM

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21. "gender shouldnt matter"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

  

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Tiggerific
Member since May 24th 2007
13451 posts
Tue Dec-15-15 07:54 PM

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22. "RE: At what age do you start telling a crying boy to &quot;man up?&quot;"
In response to Reply # 0
Tue Dec-15-15 07:56 PM by Tiggerific

  

          

My issue with this is that my cousin would tell her son that...at 7. His voice hasn't even changed yet, but she would yell at him for talking "like a baby". He's a little boy!!! When she would do that I would hold my tongue because its not my place to tell her how to raise her son. But, I will admit that some of the things she does, is going to cause issues between them later.

I would say when he's in his teen years.

"We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents" - Bob Ross

"I'm wearing a MSU Tshirt because I went to MSU, you are wearing a UM Tshirt because you went to Walmart!" -unknown.

http://bjsquirrelchronicles.blogspot.com

  

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-DJ R-Tistic-
Member since Nov 06th 2008
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Tue Dec-15-15 08:14 PM

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23. "The whole "patriarchy" argument is so tough to me in 2015."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Like...if you really break your leg, or your best friend dies, doesn't matter if you're 4 or 35...no prob with crying.

But we've ALLLLL been around those little boys who cry harder than girls...ooops, that's me being patriarchal by saying that. But seriously, I don't see it as a problem to tell a little boy to "toughen up" which essentially means "man up" but uses different words. Especially if it seems like he's doing it for attention, which is what a lotta kids do. But in plenty cases, I won't be mad at a kid for crying...sometimes their bruises look PAINFUL.

------------------------------

50+ FREE Mixes on www.DJR-Tistic.com!

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SoWhat
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Tue Dec-15-15 08:18 PM

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24. "i don't think that's the word you mean to use."
In response to Reply # 23


  

          

and maybe that's why you struggle to understand how 'patriarchy' fits in this discussion. b/c it doesn't.

the word you want is probably 'misogyny'. b/c what's being discussed here is more related to a hatred of women/femininity than it's about supremacy of fathers/men.

http://beta.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/patriarchy

Full Definition of patriarchy

plural pa·tri·ar·chies

1
: social organization marked by the supremacy of the father in the clan or family, the legal dependence of wives and children, and the reckoning of descent and inheritance in the male line; broadly : control by men of a disproportionately large share of power

2
: a society or institution organized according to the principles or practices of patriarchy

http://beta.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/misogyny
Definition of misogyny

: a hatred of women

miso·gy·nic play \ˌmi-sə-ˈji-nik, -ˈgī-\ adjective
mi·sog·y·nist play \mə-ˈsä-jə-nist\ noun or adjective
mi·sog·y·nis·tic play \mə-ˌsä-jə-ˈnis-tik\ adjective

fuck you.

  

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-DJ R-Tistic-
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Tue Dec-15-15 09:52 PM

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26. "I was being all the way sarcastic, based off the OP"
In response to Reply # 24


  

          

OP used it, so I was joking based off of that.

------------------------------

50+ FREE Mixes on www.DJR-Tistic.com!

Twitter and Instagram - @DJ_RTistic

  

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SoWhat
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Wed Dec-16-15 07:05 AM

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33. "oh okay."
In response to Reply # 26


  

          

fuck you.

  

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Anonymous
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Tue Dec-15-15 08:21 PM

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25. "Exactly"
In response to Reply # 23
Tue Dec-15-15 08:21 PM by Anonymous

  

          

I don't think I've ever said "man up" and I don't think I've said it to him while he was crying.

But if he is whining...nah I'm saying something.

I usually ask him what's bothering him and then explain that it's nothing to cry or fuss over and that he's a big boy.

  

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Rjcc
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Wed Dec-16-15 12:55 AM

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28. "but what's the argument in favor of gendering it"
In response to Reply # 23


          

where does it come from.

and what does it say about not being a man, or people who aren't men.

it's just a load of bullshit.

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

  

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-DJ R-Tistic-
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Wed Dec-16-15 02:59 AM

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29. "Personally, I feel like I watched my dad always be the emotional anchor"
In response to Reply # 28


  

          

So I've always been the same with women I date. If something happens that hurts us equally, I'll try to be the one who doesn't cry or show emotion, just to hold her down. So it might go back to "bullshit gender rules" but I don't think that's a bad thing to guide them to do

------------------------------

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Rjcc
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Wed Dec-16-15 03:50 AM

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30. "have you considered the possibility"
In response to Reply # 29


          

that what you were told, shaped the way you see things.

also, have you considered that just because that's what you see, doesn't mean it's the end all be all of how to handle life.

these are just thought experiments.

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

  

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Anonymous
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31. "But could he not say the same thing to you?"
In response to Reply # 30


  

          

  

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-DJ R-Tistic-
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45. "Basically."
In response to Reply # 31


  

          

------------------------------

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Rjcc
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56. "no. because I'm not making that point. did you think about this?"
In response to Reply # 31


          


www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

  

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Anonymous
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59. "Smh...did *you* think about this or"
In response to Reply # 56


  

          

Did you just decide that policing people on morals automatically makes you correct from your myopic perspective?

  

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-DJ R-Tistic-
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47. "There's no perfect way of raising kids, nothing close."
In response to Reply # 30


  

          

I don't even have any, but I can tell that it's allll case by case.

All I feel is that I saw what I saw, not just from my dad, but from plenty others, and I don't see any problem with having the "toughen up!" mentality....whether it's harmful or neutral.

I think it can be harmful for parents who act like a boy/man should NEVER ever cry...suppressed emotions are never a good thing. And for me, my dad actually never once told me "MAN UP! Stop crying like a little punk!" or anything on that end...I just naturally became that way when I realized that crying in certain situations never lead to anything positive.

------------------------------

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Rjcc
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57. "so what really are you arguing against"
In response to Reply # 47


          

if you're saying that you were raised in a way that doesn't include that phrasing.

it seems like you think the discussion is about something that it's not.



www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

  

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-DJ R-Tistic-
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86. "I'm not arguing for or against anything. I stated that the argument itse..."
In response to Reply # 57


  

          

is tough, just as most gender role type discussions are. Then, I describe how I personally operate and the way that I was raised, which doesn't at all mean "this is how it SHOULD be," but just "this is how I'll be when I'm raising mine...since there is no right or wrong way."

------------------------------

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Triptych
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32. "I dunno - with physical pain there's a choice involved."
In response to Reply # 23


  

          

I don't think I'm crying if I break my leg. Emotional stuff sure.

I think the trick is to allow yourself space to cry for emotional reasons, but be able to tough through almost any pain if/when it's needed. That's the gendering part to me. A man persists through chaos.

____________________________

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Seven
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36. "i agree"
In response to Reply # 32


          

>I think the trick is to allow yourself space to cry for
>emotional reasons, but be able to tough through almost any
>pain if/when it's needed. That's the gendering part to me. A
>man persists through chaos.

  

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-DJ R-Tistic-
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49. "To me, a pain cry is different from emotional"
In response to Reply # 32


  

          

Like when you see athletes who break shit, some of them will have tears run, but it won't be like the "wahhhhh" vocal type thing going on, if that makes sense. I don't think I would ever cry to where I'm mumbling and shit due to pain, but could probably see that happening off of something emotional.

------------------------------

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ndibs
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60. "You haven't experienced bad enough pain "
In response to Reply # 32
Wed Dec-16-15 09:50 PM by ndibs

          

I had a tooth pulled without anesthesia and screamed the whole way through for 30-45 minutes.

My friend had one done WITH anesthesia and she said that was MUCH worse than giving birth to twins.

I'd volunteer to have my finger twisted with pliars, broken in two pieces and pulled out the socket just as quickly as I would a tooth again.

There's a level of pain that will make you cry and scream involuntarily.

  

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mikediggz
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64. "not for nothin, but why'd u get a tooth pulled without meds?"
In response to Reply # 60


  

          

ive had several teeth pulled (all wisdoms as an adult and others as a child for braces) and no meds seems like a horrible idea

  

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ndibs
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76. "the anesthesia wouldn't take and it was new york"
In response to Reply # 64


          

so i would have had to wait months for another appointment.

  

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Triptych
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80. "So you were aneasthesized? But you're immune?"
In response to Reply # 76


  

          

.

____________________________

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Triptych
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74. "How could you possibly assert that?"
In response to Reply # 60
Thu Dec-17-15 12:24 PM by Triptych

  

          

Anyway you're demonstrably wrong. Monks can self-immolate in a state of meditation without crying out.

____________________________

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ndibs
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77. "i said YOU...."
In response to Reply # 74


          

we know about monks. if you want to talk about you GO.

and if you put your kid in a monastery for 20-50 years to study, yes you can train your child to have a nervous system that does not respond normally to pain.

  

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Triptych
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79. "Are you asserting that I don't practice meditation?"
In response to Reply # 77
Fri Dec-18-15 01:05 AM by Triptych

  

          

How can you know that?

Why do you think it would take 20-30 years of meditation to be able to withstand pain without weeping?

Are you sure you understand your own nervous system well enough to make that claim about other people's nervous systems?

Why would you imagine that I, in particular, have a similar pain threshold to you?

Or that I haven't experienced pain on par with your own?

I'd be more careful assuming yourself to be an authority on the experience of others.

____________________________

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veritas
Member since Sep 16th 2002
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81. "if she followed that advice it would ruin her whole style."
In response to Reply # 79


          


>I'd be more careful assuming yourself to be an authority on
>the experience of others.

i still blame hip-hop.

  

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ndibs
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82. "tell me about the time you had surgery without anesthesia"
In response to Reply # 79


          

or had a 500lb piece of machinery fall on your leg and crush it or had a bone yanked out of it's socket without anesthesia and did not cry out in pain.

  

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Triptych
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91. "I'm not obligated to recount my experiences to disprove your points."
In response to Reply # 82
Fri Dec-18-15 01:09 AM by Triptych

  

          

Your points are way too broad and reckless. They fail basic tests of logic.

You got personal, not me. You proved that you cried once, that's about it. Knowing that you actually did receive anesthesia but experienced enough pain to cry against your will identifies you as a special case, not the norm. There's no reason to think your experience informs you well enough to predict anyone else's here.

If anything one should predict your pain threshold to be extraordinarily low based on the evidence.

____________________________

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ConcreteCharlie
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27. "I dont think I would bother saying it at any age"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

To me kids cry for gender neutral reasons, usually greed or fear, and you dont need to make it a gender thing to reason past that.

And you will know MY JACKET IS GOLD when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

  

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denny
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35. "My go to:"
In response to Reply # 0
Wed Dec-16-15 09:05 AM by denny

          

'We will listen to what you have to say when you use a normal voice'.

It's not as much crying....but whining. I won't say 'man up' or 'toughen up' and I won't even say 'stop crying'.

But I use the term 'normal voice' in someway on an almost daily basis. And I do it with both girls and boys.

Alot of the times.....I'll repeat what they've said in a normal, calm voice and instruct them to say it over again like I said it. Then I'll reward them by genuinely reacting to what they were saying....but not until the whine stops. My daughter was horrible at this at 5....it would often take her 4 or 5 attempts to say it without adding the whiny tone. My current 5 year old usually gets it on the first or second try.

  

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SoWhat
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38. "good stuff."
In response to Reply # 35


  

          

fuck you.

  

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gumz
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44. "i like this...i'll def use it on my son"
In response to Reply # 35


  

          

http://www.youtube.com/user/gumzization
twitter: @BrosefMalone

  

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legsdiamond
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48. "nice"
In response to Reply # 35


          

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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tariqhu
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41. "I try not to use that thought process."
In response to Reply # 0


          

I have a boy and a girl. if its a pain issue, I try to get them to walk it off and get back into whatever they were doing. like my daughter crashed her bike on the track. she cried, I comforted, and she got back on the bike. same with my son when he was pushed down while running track. got him back out there.

for other issues like fear or just not getting their way, I try getting them to explain why their crying and give them other options to expression that emotion, like talking through it. or just find a distraction.

it's hit or miss as nothing works 100% of the time.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

  

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southphillyman
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43. "parents gotta be competent enough to assess on a case by case basis"
In response to Reply # 0
Wed Dec-16-15 01:41 PM by southphillyman

  

          

3 yr old falls down a set of concrete steps?
cry until your ducts dry out
11 yr old feeling emo because you won't get them a box of pizza rolls?
yea better find a more mature way to articulate that

not too familiar with people telling lil kids to man up
more so ppl telling them to stop being/acting like a baby
crying is ok if it's "legitimate" and not a means of manipulating situations the kid doesn't like

~~~~~~

  

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kingjerm78
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46. "7 or 8. "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

--------------------------------

one half of the most dynamic tag team on the net...nappyafro's FROCAST!

http://www.frocast.com
www.nappyafro.com
store.nappyafro.com

  

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ambient1
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71. "lol...I was gonna say 5-6"
In response to Reply # 46


  

          

=======================================
Coolin...

  

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ThaAnthology
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50. "Since I am not a Millenial I tell him straight up to man up"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

If I had a daughter I'd tell her to woman up. I am a caveman by OKP standards but THANK GOD I don't live or react by OKP standards. lol. Cyse me if you want but I was raised a certain way and it made me the person I am today. I believe in some old-fashioned values and I don't think that "nomenclature" has anything to do behind the lesson. So do I ask my son to "toughen up" at times, hell yes.

Do I give him space to be in his feelings? Yes, but not all damn day.

He is eight and he sees his dad as a role model. We were playing last night and I said "Amir, you are the man!"
he said "No, dad you are. But I will be one one day."
I said "Yes you will good sir!"
We smiled and she smiled with us. No feelings were hurt. No gender lines were broken.

www.anthologyfmn.com

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(available)

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Case_One
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51. "What does MAN Up even mean?"
In response to Reply # 0


          


.
.
.

  

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ThaAnthology
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53. "*blinks* "
In response to Reply # 51


  

          

really my dude...

But ok I'll entertain that like you actually have never understood the meaning of it. It means to toughen up. But because men are so archaic and mysoginistic we could not think of a better way to phrase it so we put it on an ideal that we thought we were supposed to strive to... being a man.

Since that is a negative way to view things these days, the phrase takes a beating. But anyway....
it means to toughen up.

www.anthologyfmn.com

Enter the Written World of Fahim Malik Nassar

The House of Caine (available)

Melancholoy Funk (available)

Tha Anthology (Words 2001-2003) Poetry inspired by OKP and Wash, DC
(available)

The Spook who sat by the Radio Poetry (av

  

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Case_One
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58. "No need for the *blinks* doc"
In response to Reply # 53


          

I know what the inferred meaning is, but after giving a presentation on Gender, Masculinity, and Sexuality to a room full of grown men, my question is valid. The Term Man Up can mean many things, some positive, but most often it's said in a negative context to infer that a man/ male is not being or living up to a stereotype of macho or machismo.


.
.
.

  

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ThaAnthology
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65. "ehh "
In response to Reply # 58


  

          

in today's society its whatever. Anything "masculine" is deemed bad and so there is no point in debate. I have expressed my feeling and it would not be manning up to argue with folk on it. I am who I am, I raise my family how best I, and not society, see fit.

www.anthologyfmn.com

Enter the Written World of Fahim Malik Nassar

The House of Caine (available)

Melancholoy Funk (available)

Tha Anthology (Words 2001-2003) Poetry inspired by OKP and Wash, DC
(available)

The Spook who sat by the Radio Poetry (av

  

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Case_One
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67. "Well. That's really interesting. "
In response to Reply # 65


          

But it's cool.


.
.
.

  

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micMajestic
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88. "I'm with you. It's a loaded term that can be especially harmful when"
In response to Reply # 58


          

>I know what the inferred meaning is, but after giving a
>presentation on Gender, Masculinity, and Sexuality to a room
>full of grown men, my question is valid. The Term Man Up can
>mean many things, some positive, but most often it's said in a
>negative context to infer that a man/ male is not being or
>living up to a stereotype of macho or machismo.

dealing with young Black men. Because psychologically so many young Black males see masculinity as physical dominance and stunted emotional growth.

  

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Case_One
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90. "Right!"
In response to Reply # 88


          


.
.
.

  

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Cenario
Member since Aug 24th 2005
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69. "man up and google it."
In response to Reply # 51


  

          

-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.

  

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flipnile
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Wed Dec-16-15 04:20 PM

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52. "I never tell him to "man up," but I do address the whining/crying"
In response to Reply # 0


          

If he has a problem, issue or complaint I tell him he needs to explain it like a big boy/man, instead of through whining and crying. Started with him around age 3 or 4.

Note: I never tell him to stop crying, I just don't acknowledge it.

  

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Atillah Moor
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54. "https://youtu.be/hFwfy4tY4hw?t=100"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

before they're this guy.

______________________________________

Everything looks like Oprah kissing Harvey Weinstein these days

  

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janey
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55. "long long ago"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

back in the 90s when I was going to Warriors games with my then-boyfriend, once during a half time, I was waiting outside the men's bathroom for my bf when he came out chuckling.

I asked what was funny in the men's bathroom

he said that, in that stadium, the urinal was a bigass trough in a circle so all the men stood around it peeing into the trough. There were a bunch of men -- like MEN, like 6 feet tall men, right? -- and this one little boy who was like four years old and wasn't tall enough to pee down into the trough, he was having to aim upwards to make it over the wall and into the trough and he wasn't doing very well and he was crying. My bf said that his dad glared at him and snapped, "Do you see anyone else in here crying?!?!!"

That was a watchword for us through the rest of the relationship. I still laugh when I think about it.

~ ~ ~
All meetings end in separation
All acquisition ends in dispersion
All life ends in death
- The Buddha

|\_/|
='_'=

Every hundred years, all new people

  

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Buddy_Gilapagos
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Thu Dec-17-15 06:52 AM

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61. "I remember in varsity basketball practice our 6'4 center fell hard"
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and he started balling like a baby. Everyone laughed at him behind his back.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

  

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Frank Longo
Member since Nov 18th 2003
86640 posts
Thu Dec-17-15 12:02 PM

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72. "You can't put a baby baller on the court."
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He would lack the motor skills to handle the ball in a coordinated manner.

My movies: http://russellhainline.com
My movie reviews: https://letterboxd.com/RussellHFilm/
My beer TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thebeertravelguide

  

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Mafamaticks
Member since Jan 12th 2004
4667 posts
Thu Dec-17-15 09:25 AM

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62. "People are tripping about the phrase"
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but let's not act like certain shit isn't expected of men in our society.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
79331 posts
Thu Dec-17-15 11:05 AM

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66. "nah yo... we are the same"
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****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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Brotha Sun
Member since Dec 31st 2009
6778 posts
Thu Dec-17-15 09:41 AM

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63. "Soon as possible. Lazy parenting and stunting emotional growth"
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Shouldnt have to wait. Start now before your son turns gay!

"They used to call me Baby Luke....but now? The whole damn 2 Liiiive Crew."

  

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Anonymous
Charter member
23220 posts
Thu Dec-17-15 11:31 AM

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68. "Explain how telling a son"
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To not cry at every fucking thing is lazy parenting and stunting emotional growth.

I mean, I know you're trying to sound smart and progressive but you should at least connect some dots.

  

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Brotha Sun
Member since Dec 31st 2009
6778 posts
Thu Dec-17-15 11:58 AM

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70. "Kinda don't wanna talk about gender with a white dude that"
In response to Reply # 68


          

insists on being a hip hop gatekeeper. Either reread my reply and the OP and make an attempt to comprehend it or go back to the Lesson.

"They used to call me Baby Luke....but now? The whole damn 2 Liiiive Crew."

  

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Anonymous
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23220 posts
Thu Dec-17-15 12:14 PM

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73. "In other words you have no clue what you're talking about"
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Cool

  

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Brotha Sun
Member since Dec 31st 2009
6778 posts
Thu Dec-17-15 12:57 PM

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78. "True"
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"They used to call me Baby Luke....but now? The whole damn 2 Liiiive Crew."

  

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Sarah_Bellum
Charter member
7489 posts
Thu Dec-17-15 12:30 PM

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75. "There is nothing wrong with telling a child to "
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use their WORDS to express their emotions instead of tears once they are five or six. It basically comes down to when they have enough language to be able to do that regardless of gender.
The issue with "man up" is it tells a child to suppress their physical reaction and any verbal expression... then niggas don't understand why lil man dying of high blood pressure at 11 years old.

  

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Monkey Genius
Member since Mar 04th 2005
8099 posts
Thu Dec-17-15 01:55 PM

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83. "Boy or girl crying over bullshit gotta suck it up. "
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Maleness don't come into it with me.

----------------------------------
I have a webcomic: www.watchthecomic.com

My webcomic has a page: www.facebook.com/watchyourheadcomic

  

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veritas
Member since Sep 16th 2002
37201 posts
Thu Dec-17-15 02:14 PM

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84. "this seems to be the prevailing sentiment...not quite consensus"
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i can't really argue with it.

but if i hadn't gendered the OP it woulda gone triple wood, so i'm good with it.

i still blame hip-hop.

  

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Amritsar
Member since Jan 18th 2008
32081 posts
Thu Dec-17-15 02:52 PM

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85. "In the delivery room of course "
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Brotha Sun
Member since Dec 31st 2009
6778 posts
Thu Dec-17-15 03:38 PM

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89. "lmao"
In response to Reply # 85


          

"They used to call me Baby Luke....but now? The whole damn 2 Liiiive Crew."

  

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Cold Truth
Member since Jan 28th 2004
44805 posts
Thu Dec-17-15 03:22 PM

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87. "I think it's better to teach the different responses they'll get "
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depending on the way she communicates her need.

My daughter will whine in such a pathetic way when she either wants something or stubs her toe or any of the above. If she falls she'll look at me and I'll hit her with a simple "You ok?" and that's usually enough for her to just keep it movin if it's something inconsequential.

If she wants assistance or attention, she won't get it until she relaxes and communicates what she needs without the whining. Its at a point now where I can simply look at her or say "HEY!" and she knows to chill on the whining. Not always but often enough it's that simple.

Now, if she genuinely gets hurt and the floodgates are open- if you're a parent you know that particular cry- that's a different story and I'm in full daddy mode.

I'll utilize the same rules with my son, and I refuse to play the "man up" card. I want to raise children who have the tools to tough out hard situations but aren't in fear of breaking some absurd archaic gender assignments that determine what's acceptable. Rather, they should learn how to navigate the world in such a way that they recognize that a. nobody likes a crybaby and won't respond well to that and 2. people are still compassionate and (ideally) will be there when you're dealing with something deathly serious and even if they aren't, my children will be strong enough to pull themselves together.

So if my son or daughter cries, so be it, we'll handle that on a case by case basis but if either of them are a moping, whining attention seeker, they'll learn how fruitless an endeavor that really is.

  

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