Did you share them with your fiance prior to the ceremony?
Why or why not?
I always knew writing your own vows was a thing, but damn if I didn't just find out leaving them as a surprise was a thing. Found that out by hearing about a couple of different weddings where one party's vows was foul enough that frankly the other person probably should have called the whole damn thing off.
1. "RE: Marrieds: Did you write your own vows?" In response to Reply # 0
Yes. Most nerve wracking experience of my life.
>Why or why not?
Because the wife required it.
>Did you share them with your fiance prior to the ceremony?
Nope.
>Why or why not?
Cause that kinda defeats the purpose, I think.
>I always knew writing your own vows was a thing, but damn if I >didn't just find out leaving them as a surprise was a thing. >Found that out by hearing about a couple of different weddings >where one party's vows was foul enough that frankly the other >person probably should have called the whole damn thing off.
3. "RE: Marrieds: Did you write your own vows?" In response to Reply # 1
>Cause that kinda defeats the purpose, I think.
You think? You're about to make grand declarations of your love to each other in front of family and friends. Wouldn't it be a good idea to be on the same page? I'm clearly missing something because going in blind seems completely insane to me.
>Hahaha! Please provide specifics.
On one: My friend tells me "She says 'I spend so much time looking for Mr. Right' and I thought she was going to say something about 'and I found him here in Mr. White' (cuz his last name's White) but then she basically just says, 'but I found Dan and he'll do.'"
Other one's vows were basically "I don't believe in marriage and I think this whole thing is stupid but I don't want you to leave me so here I am."
I wasn't there so I'm telling secondhand stories, but you get the idea.
7. "RE: Marrieds: Did you write your own vows?" In response to Reply # 3 Tue Dec-08-15 12:03 PM by Brew
>>Cause that kinda defeats the purpose, I think. > >You think? You're about to make grand declarations of your >love to each other in front of family and friends. Wouldn't it >be a good idea to be on the same page? I'm clearly missing >something because going in blind seems completely insane to >me.
You're getting married. It's hopefully kind of assumed that you're on the same page. If you're *not*, vows are the least of your worries and you should probably call off the wedding.
Anyway - I think you should definitely talk about some kind of outline or theme you might want to go with beforehand, but straight up reading the vows top to bottom to eachother before the wedding, IMO, defeats the purpose. I think (again this is my opinion) that the whole idea of writing your own vows is to incite some kind of thoughtful, emotional reaction from the person you're marrying with what you say. If he/she has heard them before you're just kinda going through the motions and you may as well have the priest/JP/whoever read those standard vows and get it over with.
>>Hahaha! Please provide specifics. > >On one: My friend tells me "She says 'I spend so much time >looking for Mr. Right' and I thought she was going to say >something about 'and I found him here in Mr. White' (cuz his >last name's White) but then she basically just says, 'but I >found Dan and he'll do.'"
Haha - did people laugh? That strikes me as a joke but if not then .... damn.
>Other one's vows were basically "I don't believe in marriage >and I think this whole thing is stupid but I don't want you to >leave me so here I am."
Haha uhm - them two were better off with the JP saying the "I take you..." shit and keeping it moving. Wow.
>I wasn't there so I'm telling secondhand stories, but you get >the idea.
14. "Should be on the same page about the marriage itself. " In response to Reply # 3
>Wouldn't it >be a good idea to be on the same page?
>Other one's vows were basically "I don't believe in marriage >and I think this whole thing is stupid but I don't want you to >leave me so here I am."
In any wedding where someone is saying vows like that the other person shouldn't have even trusted them to write their own vows. They shouldn't even be getting married, and they should both know that before it even got to that point.
You can be on the same page without knowing exactly what your future spouse will actually say.
28. "the vows aren't about the family and friends though" In response to Reply # 3
you got the declaration of love part right, doesn't/shouldn't matter who is present. you're supposed to be speaking from the heart to the person standing across from you
> >You think? You're about to make grand declarations of your >love to each other in front of family and friends.
30. "RE: the vows aren't about the family and friends though" In response to Reply # 28 Thu Dec-10-15 09:01 AM by Brew
>you got the declaration of love part right, doesn't/shouldn't >matter who is present. you're supposed to be speaking from the >heart to the person standing across from you
^^^^ this piece of advice (for lack of a better term) was what helped me to say my vows without being embarrassingly nervous. I told someone pre-wedding that I was wigging the fuck out about reading vows in front of 250 people and they were basically like "you just need to remember that you're speaking to just her, not the room." It really helped.
What's interesting about how nervous I was is that I don't typically have problems public speaking. I get nervous don't get me wrong, but not like breakdown-level nervous. The thought of reading my vows TERRIFIED me for some reason. Something about reading prepared statements of love just kept eating at me.
>was nervous enough just repeating after the judge. DIdnt the >stress of writing my own.
^^^^ this was me man. Tried to talk the wife out of it like a week before but she wasn't having it. Ended up doing fine but I've never been so nervous in my life.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79594 posts
Wed Dec-09-15 09:22 AM
20. "my boy cried like a baby when he saw his wife walk down the aisle..." In response to Reply # 12
I'm standing next to my friend in the wedding and
I whispered... "and he ain't never tapped that, she made him wait"
my friend goes "well shit, no wonder he's crying"
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79594 posts
Wed Dec-09-15 08:00 PM
24. "church girl... he learned the hard way... " In response to Reply # 21
asked him how his wedding night as and he replied..
HOOOOOOORIBLE.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
13. "We had a very traditional Catholic wedding full on with Eucharist & ever..." In response to Reply # 0
I'm going to be performing a wedding in a couple of months for a couple who are non-religious, but he is Indian and his family wants some traditional Hindu elements. I think I'm going to incorporate some humanist vows, but the Hindu tradition doesn't specifically have vows, not in the way we know.
I suggested (and the couple agreed) that each of them choose a reading that is kept as a surprise for the other. I've seen his and it's pretty amazing. She & I are going to sit down together in the next couple of weeks to figure out what she wants to have read.
~ ~ ~ All meetings end in separation All acquisition ends in dispersion All life ends in death - The Buddha
15. "RE: Marrieds: Did you write your own vows?" In response to Reply # 0 Tue Dec-08-15 02:29 PM by calij81
>Why or why not?
Yes we did. We aren't religious so we werent married by a priest and weren't going to recite anything from the bible. We wanted to write our own vows to each other.
>Did you share them with your fiance prior to the ceremony?
No we didn't. The only thing we agreed upon was that we would start and end our vows with the same phrase/sentence in our vows so that it would have some cohesiveness but we were free to write whatever we wanted in the body.
>I always knew writing your own vows was a thing, but damn if I >didn't just find out leaving them as a surprise was a thing. >Found that out by hearing about a couple of different weddings >where one party's vows was foul enough that frankly the other >person probably should have called the whole damn thing off. > >
16. "Got married a month ago" In response to Reply # 0
We had her grandfather marry us so we scripted the ceremony ourselves.
We wrote the vows together and said the same vows to each other. It was good to talk about what we feel is the most important in our marriage and what we want to declare in front of our family and friends.
We also wanted to say the same vows because we have both been at weddings when the bride and groom each wrote their own vows, and one person was obviously a better writer than the other person. Thus their vows were more organized and sounded better than the other person.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79594 posts
Tue Dec-08-15 06:38 PM
17. "My boy just made his up and that shit was horrible" In response to Reply # 0
His wife wrote some Hallmark shit and his shit sounded like a Will Ferrell skit...
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
18. "Wait you mean he winged it ?" In response to Reply # 17
If so, that *must* have been horrible. My god.
I winged my best man speech for my brother back in 2005 when I was 21 and that shit started off suuuuuuper awkward til I found my stride and ended with two strong jokes. I learned from my mistake and stuck to the script the second time around.
Anyway you may not have even meant that he winged it but I was just reminded of the story so I went with it.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79594 posts
Wed Dec-09-15 09:18 AM
19. "he winged it.... he was so nervous he said awfully wedded wife" In response to Reply # 18
so you can only imagine how cringeworthy that shit was...lmao
they divorced.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79594 posts
Wed Dec-09-15 08:00 PM
25. "that was the same wedding!!!" In response to Reply # 22
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79594 posts
Thu Dec-10-15 09:40 AM
31. "another crazy wedding story" In response to Reply # 25
a friend from college was obviously gay but he never came out in college. He was best friends with this guy and the guys GF told me the gay dude was real jealous of their relationship. It was obvious to her they gay dude had a serious crush on his best friend.
a few years later dude comes out and his best friend is mad as shit. Not sure why because we all knew he was gay but dude was furious...but he eventually gets over it and they remain friends.
The straight friend has his wedding and invited the gay dude. Gay dude... CRIES LIKE A FUCKING BABY!!!!
Snot bubbles yo...
I'm talking about the can't catch your breath, big mama, wailing sobs that interrupted the wedding multiple times.
It was so bad the bride, groom and ceremony host turned around like "nigga, stfu or excuse yourself" crying.
wife was looking at her husband like "I told you inviting him was a bad idea"
shit was hilarisad. That dude was heartbroken.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
27. "Yup..." In response to Reply # 0 Wed Dec-09-15 11:44 PM by gumz
it was something we both wanted to do for each other...basically the present we gave each other on the day.
We didn't share them prior...we trusted each other to write some good ones and it made it more special hearing them for the first time right then and there. the crazy thing is there were a lot of parallels in the things we wrote. that was really cool. we have them framed at the crib.
My voice was trembling a bit but i managed to hold it together while reading them...she was sobbing lol
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