So I live in LA (though Im sure it happens in other big cities), on occasion I dabble in entertainment related business. that's mostly what this post is about though it could deal with the dating field as well

- some people wont hit me back for months, talking about "I didnt mean to ignore you" only to follow up with the same thing

- some people will hit me as it benefits them

- some people will hit me with the Varnel Hill "hit me anytime" Hollywood talk, then nothing

I try not to take it personally, we're all hustling at the same time.

but yeah how busy do you think people really are?

Poll result (16 votes) Maybe people really are that busy (1 votes) Vote You're not a priority to them (15 votes) Vote

No one's that busy.



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2) And anyhow he's stupid"
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i communicate this to friends.
me not feeling like talking is usually related to my introversion and my anxiety.

I communicate that, because even when i don't feel like talking, maintaining a support network is important.

For that reason, i will take 5 min to hit ppl back if i have fallen off the grid.


Everyone needs space, but deciding to not communicate is always a decision.

Friends communicate.
Even if it's only to say
"i am not in a place to talk at the moment, but i want to speak with you.
Can we commect on INSERT DATE- TIME you can chop it up a bit."

aquintence don't deserve that type of info, but friends do (if you want to maintain a friendship).

They know what's up and are very, VERY patient and understanding but still...

you to death on text or messenger.....
but the act of physically holding a phone to my ear and speaking through it just doesn't compute well with me 9 times out of 10.

I think for me a lot has to do with being a parent honestly. The only real down time I would have to actually talk on the phone would be after work or on the weekends....and frankly I don't be trying to interact with anyone unless it's my daughter and wife or whoever is actually in my immediate presence.

That's what's cool about texting....you can carry out a pretty detailed "convo" over an extended period of time and it'll have much more depth than a quick chit chat phone session. I liken it to the days when folks would pick up a pen and write letters to communicate. That's how I do texts anyway....I never got into the abbreviated style of texting with acronyms and stuff.... And now that you practically get unlimited texts as part of your plan, why NOT go all out with the texting?

It's too time intensive and you cannot communicate feeling

Maybe y'all new millennial youngins don't understand the art of writing because y'all never had to use that medium as a primary mode of communication?

I always use this excuse when I'm doing work for someone pro bono or on the cheap.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

for example I worked with a woman at a conference earlier this year. she moved to LA and we're supposed to "grab coffee" for months now and it just never happens

strictly networking purposes, am I to not trust people at their word until they need to use me as a resource?

when it does benefit them, they'll hit you back.

-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

money, a connect, a hookup where you work, a free meal or SOMETHING if you trying to get something from them.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

I am often on both sides of the circumstances you describe. What I try to do (or have seen the people who are really good at it do) is reach out in such a way that you aren't making an ask of them but are just reaching out genuinely to say what's up OR offer them something.

So the emails I see that I like are "Hey, I just saw such and such and it made me think of you. Just wanted to reach out and say what's up".

Or I think of things that I can offer people that isn't really bait and switch.

As far as responding to people I try to get back to everyone who reaches out but folks are prioritized based on their importance to me. Only exception would be people who do a shitty ask when we don't have a relationship and the ask is the only time I hear from them.



>So I live in LA (though Im sure it happens in other big
>cities), on occasion I dabble in entertainment related
>business. that's mostly what this post is about though it
>could deal with the dating field as well
>
>- some people wont hit me back for months, talking about "I
>didnt mean to ignore you" only to follow up with the same
>thing
>
>- some people will hit me as it benefits them
>
>- some people will hit me with the Varnel Hill "hit me
>anytime" Hollywood talk, then nothing
>
>I try not to take it personally, we're all hustling at the
>same time.
>
>but yeah how busy do you think people really are?


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

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Ma

At least, this is how I feel about it at the moment. If I am not a priority, then I am not a priority. I can live with it. However, it goes both ways. I understand that people are either busy or stratifying their priorities, but I don't believe someone is too busy to return a call or text.

priority to them, it can still just mean "they can benefit me" and that's not always genuine either

------------------------------

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if ppl are friends, they will create time to connect with you, just like
you will make time to connect with them.

if a friend becomes non-responsive,
that means they are either in some form of distress and do not know how to connect with you in their times of distress, or they no longer view
maintaining a friendship with you as a priority.

Your reaction to that depends on
how much effort you are willing to exert to maintain your friendship.

But remember, a one sided relationship is not a friendship... It's a codependent mess. You may need to reevaluate whether or not you are friends.


Bottom line- friends are responsive.
Ppl that aren't responsive are business connects or casual acquaintances.

I can count my friends on one hand.
We make time to respond to each other.

Everyone else is sometimey and arms legth ppl.

It's all good as long as we all know where we stand.

"Get ready..for your blessing..."

I don't fuck with you like that.

It's obvious those ppl are aquaintences, not friends.

you don't, for a second, really know what's going on in other people's minds.

'friend or not'

you may be able to draw a line in the sand, but thats your line.

not theirs.

>you may be able to draw a line in the sand, but thats your
>line.
>
>not theirs.

-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.

granted, he doesn't ever return my calls or emails.

but he's just busy.

i know we're cool though.
i decided it was so.


see how that sounds?
delusional, right?

the point is, you know who is down and who ain't because the ppl that are down are actually... you know...
in your life.

you respond to each other.
support one another.
check in on one another.
laugh at each others jokes.
show vulerability in front of one another.


you know... like the opposite of how one treats ppl that you don't know.


if you aren't doing those things,
how is that relationship different
than your relationships with the ppl
you keep at arms legnth?


>you don't, for a second, really know what's going on in other
>people's minds.
>
>'friend or not'
>
>you may be able to draw a line in the sand, but thats your
>line.
>
>not theirs.

i understand that they may be busy, or stressed, or dealing with an issue that they need to fully focus on.

i have my own life and issues to work through.

they respect and give space to my issues, i respect and give space to theirs - even if we don't share every detail about it all.

i understand the idea of feeding your friendship, but everyone's appetite isn't the same.

and that's okay.

i kinda only expect that level of engagement from my romantic partner.

...

you're not a loner, are you?

>you're not a loner, are you?
>

i trust like 5 ppl total.
i am social with a shitload of ppl.

but it's obvious who is in the circle of trust and who ain't.

it is what it is.

and when im busy I tend to prioritize who I respond to first. There are always people who I will respond to right away though no matter how busy I am (girls I like, best friends etc). If the message is nonsense I might ignore it all together...

I think I should though so sometimes I'll say I'll email you. but coming up with something to collaborate on is like number ten thousand on my to do list AND a lot of these ppl want things. Like bloggers want free stuff and I don't feel like getting asked for stuff. Nor do I want ppl who want help w/etsy related stuff coming to me. Basically I have enough work related stuff to do to keep me busy with all the time I want to spend working.

...there is something about LA that somehow just increases this frequency. Even people who I know I'm cool with and had no issue talking with whenever when they didn't live here, somehow this city alters that dynamic.

www.twitter.com/seandammit

What everyone else said..

Also.. many times.. people aren't as good at multi-tasking as they thing they are. Often times getting a response is because in that moment it can be dealt with. Otherwise it gets pushed back and pushed back and then forgotten

Double 0
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-------------------------------------------
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who said anything about friends?

who said anything about collaborating on anything?

this post is about a) small talk vs. people actually wanting to link up b) possibly Hollywood acting people