Printer-friendly copy Email this topic to a friend
Lobby General Discussion topic #12892979

Subject: "when an abusive parent dies." Previous topic | Next topic
Mike Jackson
Member since Dec 11th 2008
1093 posts
Mon Sep-07-15 08:31 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
"when an abusive parent dies."


          

i made an effort to get closer to him before he died.

I definitely don't miss him.
but all he left me was alone and this has me fucked up.

there is shit that i thought i was over.

apparently, i'm not.



i don't want to go to the funeral but i will.
i want to just shake it off and keep it moving like i normally do.

but when i try to shake it off
all i feel is more pain and anger and saddness and loneliness.


it feels like i got a raw deal.
it feels like i didn't deserve this shit.

I usually get through by saying everyone has it rough and you just suck it up and keep going.


but when i try to suck it up
i just don't feel lik anything is left in the reserves.

it feels like i am out of fight.
none of the distractions are working.

i can't analyze my way out of this one.


it all just sucks.
i don't even feel bad for feeling sorry for myself.

just fuck the entire situation.

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top


Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
These situations can be very confusing. try not to second guess your. em...
Sep 07th 2015
1
These situations can be very confusing. try not to second guess your. em...
Sep 07th 2015
2
this is my biggest fear
Sep 07th 2015
3
Yah.
Sep 07th 2015
4
I'm so sorry.
Sep 07th 2015
5
that's a terrible situation.
Sep 07th 2015
6
I feel you, my mom went through this in a major way
Sep 08th 2015
7
What was his relationship with his father like?
Sep 08th 2015
8
i literally pray every now and then that my father die.
Sep 08th 2015
9
Peace to you, man.
Sep 08th 2015
10
Resolution, (but not necessarily understanding) will come eventually
Sep 08th 2015
11
why should you?
Sep 08th 2015
12
Why try to suck it up?
Sep 08th 2015
13
if i was abused i wouldn't even know when they died
Sep 08th 2015
14

Cold Truth
Member since Jan 28th 2004
41341 posts
Mon Sep-07-15 09:09 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
1. "These situations can be very confusing. try not to second guess your. em..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Because you'll likely experience a slew of conflicting feelings. Just know that whatever you feel is valid and you're entitled to them.

Take care of yourself. Peace.

**sig**

"But rest assured, in my luxurious house
built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are."

-bshelly, as pictured in my avy

https://board.okayplayer.com/okp.php?az=show_topic&forum=4&top

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

Cold Truth
Member since Jan 28th 2004
41341 posts
Mon Sep-07-15 09:09 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
2. "These situations can be very confusing. try not to second guess your. em..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Because you'll likely experience a slew of conflicting feelings. Just know that whatever you feel is valid and you're entitled to them.

Take care of yourself. Peace.

**sig**

"But rest assured, in my luxurious house
built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are."

-bshelly, as pictured in my avy

https://board.okayplayer.com/okp.php?az=show_topic&forum=4&top

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

akon
Charter member
26977 posts
Mon Sep-07-15 09:31 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
3. "this is my biggest fear"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

my mom and i have the worst relationship ever
it got really bad the last couple of years- i told her i wasnt willing to take the (emotional) abuse anymore
which means i limit the amount of contact we have
(and spent almost two years not talking - so this is progress)
but she's also my only parent
my biggest fear is something happens before we are able to resolve our issues
or that we are never able to resolve our issues
the way things are going, it is the latter
its not up to me at this point

so... i dont really have any advice- i do empathise
would like to hear from others as well, so hopefully this (becomes) a good post

btw,im sure it will get better. my condolensces

.
http://perspectivesudans.blogspot.com/
i myself would never want to be god,or even like god.Because god got all these human beings on this planet and i most certainly would not want to be responsible for them, or even have the disgrace that i made them.

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

denny
Member since Apr 11th 2008
11281 posts
Mon Sep-07-15 09:32 PM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
4. "Yah."
In response to Reply # 0


          

I saw my mom go through this when her step-dad died. And to be completely truthful....I'll probably experience something similar when she passes away.

I'd like to say to you.....I felt what you wrote there.

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

Ted Gee Seal
Member since Apr 18th 2007
10084 posts
Mon Sep-07-15 10:28 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
5. "I'm so sorry. "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

To keep going doesn't mean you have to suck it up. It doesn't mean it's possible to just suck it up either. Unfortunately abuse and hurt leaves the victims with the duty to process and cope. You're smart and if you're finding this tough I believe that's because you're in a difficult situation.

Right now and going forward you don't have to do anything except make sure you're okay. Me and I bet a bunch of others here are around if you ever need to be reminded.

Just IMO though.

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

poetx
Charter member
58206 posts
Mon Sep-07-15 11:03 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
6. "that's a terrible situation. "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

i'm praying for your peace in this.

>i made an effort to get closer to him before he died.
>
>I definitely don't miss him.
>but all he left me was alone and this has me fucked up.

that's good that you tried to do that. hopefully that leaves you with no unresolved feelings. you at least made the effort. that says a lot about your maturity.

>
>there is shit that i thought i was over.
>
>apparently, i'm not.
>
>i don't want to go to the funeral but i will.

fam. we right HERE > < on that. for different reasons though. but i got a funeral to go to this week and i do. not. want. to. go. and that's an odd space to be in.

it doesn't get encompassed by the typical, "sorry for your loss, i'm praying for your peace and comfort" response. you have some element of grief and a lot more going on inside. i really feel bad about that. do folk you know irl know your backstory and how you are really feeling?

>i want to just shake it off and keep it moving like i normally
>do.
>
>but when i try to shake it off
>all i feel is more pain and anger and saddness and
>loneliness.

no shortcuts to this process, unfortunately. you gonna just have to go through it to get to the other side.

>
>
>it feels like i got a raw deal.

you did.

>it feels like i didn't deserve this shit.

you don't.
>
>I usually get through by saying everyone has it rough and you
>just suck it up and keep going.
>
>
>but when i try to suck it up
>i just don't feel lik anything is left in the reserves.
>
>it feels like i am out of fight.
>none of the distractions are working.
>
>i can't analyze my way out of this one.
>
>
>it all just sucks.
>i don't even feel bad for feeling sorry for myself.
>
>just fuck the entire situation.

word.

main thing is that you got valid reasons to feel how you do. i'm sorry that it has been like this but i am praying that, if not your father's passing, then at least time will give you some closure.

ultimately, for whatever was lacking in your upbringing, you can resolve to be the opposite of that, and i pray that you have the strength and wisdom to do so.


peace & blessings,

x.

www.twitter.com/poetx

=========================================
I'm an advocate for working smarter, not harder. If you just
focus on working hard you end up making someone else rich and
not having much to show for it. (c) mad

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

ConcreteCharlie
Member since Nov 21st 2002
71313 posts
Tue Sep-08-15 12:15 AM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
7. "I feel you, my mom went through this in a major way"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

She had an abusive mother and she made the mistake of staying very close to her. Total confusion, disorientation, frustration. It was tough and also for her siblings, though I mostly steered clear of the at the time. Looking back, I think the ones who saw her death as an opportunity to just move the fuck on did the best.

And you will know MY JACKET IS GOLD when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

Boogie Stimuli
Member since Sep 24th 2010
13093 posts
Tue Sep-08-15 12:33 AM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
8. "What was his relationship with his father like?"
In response to Reply # 0


          

~
~
~
~
~
"Until you get outta my way, I don't wanna hear what you say aye aye"

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

tingum
Member since Apr 07th 2007
662 posts
Tue Sep-08-15 03:13 AM

Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
9. "i literally pray every now and then that my father die."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

i dont think i will ever be completely happy
til that black cloud is lifted from over top my family.

-----

god blessin all the trap niggas.

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

Brotha Sun
Member since Dec 31st 2009
6173 posts
Tue Sep-08-15 08:52 AM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
10. "Peace to you, man."
In response to Reply # 0


          

"They used to call me Baby Luke....but now? The whole damn 2 Liiiive Crew."

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

xandra360
Member since Nov 24th 2004
3156 posts
Tue Sep-08-15 10:29 AM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy listClick to send message via AOL IM
11. "Resolution, (but not necessarily understanding) will come eventually"
In response to Reply # 0
Tue Sep-08-15 10:35 AM by xandra360

  

          

It took me the best part of 20 years.

Wishing you all the best.

*edit* changed subject as I see I misread

~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

teefiveten
Member since Oct 02nd 2008
33019 posts
Tue Sep-08-15 02:21 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
12. "why should you?"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          


>
>i don't even feel bad for feeling sorry for myself.
>

don't feel bad about it
seems like you've come a long way despite the hardship and sometimes it's just too much. it's ok to be down and allow yourself to be down. just not forever. take your time, be good to yourself so you can heal/build some of the strength you've lost dealing with all of this. whatever you need to do. just know this isn't forever, it's just a bad time right now.

*************************************
like.me
http://tinyurl.com/3z8486u

"if the children are not initiated into the village they will burn it down just to feel its warmth." - african proverb

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

Starbaby Jones
Member since Mar 08th 2003
5034 posts
Tue Sep-08-15 02:34 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy listClick to send message via AOL IM
13. "Why try to suck it up?"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

You don't have anything to prove to anyone. Feel what you need to feel. That may include mourning for the relationship that never was, but you always wanted. I'm sure it's a melange of fucked up emotions. They're yours and you don't have to bury them for anyone.

It will undoubtedly be fucked up for a minute, but I wish you peace and enlightenment on the other side of that journey.

http://soundcloud.com/forestbrooks

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

southphillyman
Member since Oct 22nd 2003
90059 posts
Tue Sep-08-15 02:50 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
14. "if i was abused i wouldn't even know when they died"
In response to Reply # 0
Tue Sep-08-15 02:54 PM by southphillyman

  

          

straight weebay gif status
mourning/funerals and all that is for the ppl left behind
i'd feel no obligation to show anyone any kind of feeling or to represent by being there etc

~~~~~~

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

Lobby General Discussion topic #12892979 Previous topic | Next topic
Powered by DCForum+ Version 1.25
Copyright © DCScripts.com