I'm like-- fuck it

I'm an expert at detecting when someone (usually a woman who would classify herself as white) will cross the street well in advance of my nearing. I'm sure many of us are no stranger to this particular type of behaviour which I refer to as "drift".

My odds of encountering drift are about 1 in 4. I used to try and shrug it off because if someone is that ignorant of their surroundings not knowing that someone they actually know i.e. another white person is more likely to harm then that's on them but recently I've begun taking the initiative of crossing the street first. Just so I can possibly be in the head of the other person even if they are already in mine.

So the other night I'm walking to my car when this woman (who really had nothing to worry about looks wise) comes my way. Now I'm walking in the street to access the driver side and she's in the street crossing to the sidewalk on my right. Of course she drifts hard left to the other sidewalk more or less (even though I unlocked my doors and opened my trunk via key fob, but hey emotions are irrational right?) So I'm like "well not my first rodeo" and head back to the complex door where she has now, having cleared me, crossed back to get to.

Door closes I approach, unlock and enter as she is waiting at the nearby elevator. She for reasons unknown to me starts to speak-- saying something like "oh I would have held the...", but being tired of the horseshit I barely look at her, say nothing, and wave her off with a dismissive gesture as she finished saying "door".

I have to be honest, it felt good to react that way and part of me hoped I'd run into her again just so I could continue to. At this point what are my options? Just accept people's prejudice? That's easy enough when it's not personally directed at you, but to have people try and project their fears onto you? Nah-- to hell with that garbage. Anyway what do some of y'all do when "it" surfaces this way in your life?

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ultimately, you have to give them space.

i, too, want to scream at the top of my lungs 'I'm not trying to hurt/fuck/stab/assault you!'

and of course, that surely won't help them understand my point.

so i just let them feel safe doing whatever they need to.

i refuse to be turned into a monster because im somehow left feeling anxious about 'negative' response behavior from strangers.

knowing that I'm terrifying some woman late at night as I walk up from behind her (I walk fast). I know I shouldn't have to do that, but I'd rather "pretend" non of it is happening at all, so I cross the street and force myself to forget about it.

And in my experience it's B/black women that act scared as much as white women do.

There maybe aren't a lot of black women in my hood walking side streets though (and its supposedly the safest area by the way). I'm just glad I'm not the only one doing the pre emptive cross.

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"look down, boy!"

nah.

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Everything looks like Oprah kissing Harvey Weinstein these days

I'm kind of 'too nice' in public so it fits. Bu then again, race-aside, women are the target of men acting inappropriately at night on the street so I usually just cross the street or keep my head down while walking past.

I never do this.

fuck you.

I walk way to the other side from where she is so she doesn't get scared.

I mainly do it for me. Because if I detect that she's afraid of me, then I internally get angry with her for being afraid of me, and I don't want to be angry.

fuck you.

And to exercise control and for real it feels good to know that I avoided someone who would likely avoid me if I let them.

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on one hand there is definite prejudice and it is woven into the fabric of our lives

however

From my own reality I realize that I am big man at 6 foot 3 inches and 200 hundred pounds.

any woman of any color would find me...I don't want to say threatening but the fact is that women are assaulted and I'm becoming aware of this fact...so what I'm saying is that on the first level I realize that its not about me.


on the other hand, I get really really really upset when I turn a corner from walking home from work and there is a white person in front of me

or if Im behind a woman and she turns the same direction as myself.


you know funny, since I'm talking about this..when I was in San Francisco I was always upset about the white lady purse grab

and now that I am in New York the purse grab has been drastically reduced by a good 80% BUT one thing I have noticed now is that a percentage of women of all colors get a bit...defensive when I walk past. I attribute this me being a man and not a black man.

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

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... it happens to white men too.

I'm not even large (5'9"), but women will often cross the street late at night to avoid whatever risk there is of me attacking them.

I walk quickly so quite often catch up with women on the street... I usually either cross before I get to them or try and pass as quickly as possible to make it obvious I'm not scheming on anything.

I'm sure it happens to black men more often, but yeah, this is a general male thing too and I've had the same conversation with white people a hundred times.

1 in 6 women has been victim of an attempted rape. It's better to be seen as impolite than raped.

_______________________________

))<>((
forever.

I'm sure it's a daily occurrence for most white men.

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... obviously you're not happy about hearing it and I'm not denying it happens markedly more often to black men, but men are perceived as threatening to women in the dark period.

Could be worse. You could be a human that has to worry about being raped every time they walk the streets at night.

1 in 6, mate. 1 in 6.

_______________________________

))<>((
forever.

as a racial one, maybe even mostly gender. Because I detect this fear from B/black women as much as any other race of women.

i.e. Black

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But an irrational mindset will not adopt rationality nor should it be expected to so its a moot point I guess. You are right could be worse, but it's not the crossing the street that irritated me it's the fake make nice attempt that came later.

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you never know when you will be attacked by a man. be him of any race. it's something that we don't have to really deal with. i would want my daughter to be defensive and if that means crossing the street, them she better cross it.

kev

Statistics say it's the people you know who will likely harm you.

So it's ironic that there are so many women out there irrationally frightened on the street who go home only to be assaulted by a friend or loved one.

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being black hasn't presented too many real problems. hope that continues.

fear happens because of stories of shit that has happened, too. chances are high that I won't get kidnapped and robbed from the back seat of my own car, but after it happened to my cousin, I make it a habit of checking more for my surrounding and my back seat as I make my way to my car at night.

kev

(male, female, black, white etc) live/ walk around in a perpetual state of fear

shit's baffling and it almost certainly can't be healthy for body & mind.

________________________________________________

The ULTIMATE negation of everything.

The space between despair and orgasm is hard to fill ~ Maron

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They put you in a situation that, no matter what you do, you are the bad guy. The "scary black man." No matter what you do, you will still be looked at and treated the same.

I've learned to ignore people like this. Just go about your life like they don't exist. Don't allow THEIR negativity to seep into YOU.

In this instance.

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Situations similar to the one you described still bug me. I've become a lot better at not internalizing how people that don't know me treat me, but sometimes I'm just not in the mood for that shit.

I think a lot of it boils down to how we feel about ourselves as black men. Gotta generate that love from within, because we get so much negativity thrown at us on the daily.

<--- Big Baller World Order

Fuck that.

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wtf do i care about somebody doing something that literally has no effect on my day or wellbeing. the chick just avoided your presence. this aint worth sitting and pondering the meaning of life.

honestly idk how you would even notice that but i'm not a people watcher like that.

<--- Big Baller World Order

Let's stop here. You don't have the tools to discuss this-- not your fault. The system never provided them to you.

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i'm black and i can't complain about things are going on my end. sorry if it sucks for you.

<--- Big Baller World Order

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

Or both?

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i'm a Black man and while i like this discussion i'm not sure i agree these techniques are necessary for our survival.

the idea that we should pre-emptively cross the street to avoid scaring (white) women...is too much Jim Crow-era survival for my blood.

fuck you.

>the idea that we should pre-emptively cross the street to
>avoid scaring (white) women...is too much Jim Crow-era
>survival for my blood.

thank god too cause i'd drive myself nuts if it did.

<--- Big Baller World Order

Im saying that overthinking or being hyper aware comes with the territory.
Crossing the street is a personal choice and preference

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https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

i...just....

yeah

that

....than to worry about timid white chicks crossing the street at my presence. I remember when a little old white lady quickly locked her door when a group of us dudes were getting out the car one night. There were two white dudes in the group, one which was in ACUs (Army uniform) yet she still was quick to lock her doors. I chuckled about it. What I look like wasting my good energy getting offended about something so insignificant?



Since 1976

"So the other night I'm walking to my car when this woman (who really had nothing to worry about looks wise)


Your feelings are valid but could you express that without invoking the perfect victim misconception.


*****************************************
. . . If I have something to say when there is a reason involved, I am perfectly willing to talk. Katherine Hepburn

But as I posted in another thread-- given the history I shouldn't be feeling any kind of way about it.

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Just got off work, tired as shit, and Amanda thinks I want her purse. I give them the "you're the dumbest fucker on earth" look. Could care less about them. It's to the point where I just go about my business pretending they don't exist. This translates into not holding doors, and not even acknowledging their presence. I wouldn't want someone to think I care about them as a human being lest I get accused of committing a crime or in the process of one.

so they refuse to offer the smile or acknowledgement as a preemptive measure to dealing with advances from strangers.

are we offended by them, too?

cause they be right sometimes.

Kind of irrational though. Sometimes in the circumstances you mentioned women could be putting a fake wall, have a man, not be interested etc.

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For starters that the woman didn't have nothing to worry about rape wise because...she was unattractive.



**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson


"One of the most important things in life is what Judge Learned Hand described as 'that ever-gnawing inner doubt as to whether you're

To be worried about in a wealthy white neighborhood with a strong police presence. I guess my statements coming from a point of utter frustration, disgust, irritation, etc. are easily misunderstood.

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Do you know her history? Why are you so sensitive that a random woman crossing the street upsets you?

It's not so much that I'm sensitive about it-- I'm really just tired of it and I have a lifetime of it to look forward to.

I'm tired of the people that espouse it. I'm tired of the conditions that create such a mentality in those who respond that way, because even though it's 1 in 4 it's still a lot of white people.I'm tired of the poor leaders and thinkers who perpetuate said conditions. And most importantly I'm tired of people devoid of understanding anything beyond their own cultural bubble misunderstanding fatigue for sensitivity.

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> And most importantly I'm tired of
>people devoid of understanding anything beyond their own
>cultural bubble misunderstanding fatigue for sensitivity.

Work on you and stop worrying about her.....

And aren't in any position to suggest that anyone work on themselves.

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**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson


"One of the most important things in life is what Judge Learned Hand described as 'that ever-gnawing inner doubt as to whether you're

But in all seriousness acquaintances make up the majority of rapists so what does that have to do with anything?

Maybe being tired of people and this society not addressing the root causes is more tiring, but hey, can't talk now-- my shows on *dun-dunn*.

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Everything looks like Oprah kissing Harvey Weinstein these days

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson


"One of the most important things in life is what Judge Learned Hand described as 'that ever-gnawing inner doubt as to whether you're

We're getting off topic but I just don't get how so many women find that type of rape based entertainment enjoyable. Especially since the victim is almost always a footnote in the plot. Cuz-- gotta catch the bad guy, it's way more riveting than telling a story about the damaging effects of sexual assault *duh-duhnn*.

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and everytime I pass it there is some crazy movie about a woman getting shitted on, choked out or killed.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

>To be worried about in a wealthy white neighborhood with a
>strong police presence.

this is not what you referred to in your comments about her.

I guess my statements coming from a
>point of utter frustration, disgust, irritation, etc.

understandable, but...

are
>easily misunderstood.

"this woman (who really had nothing to worry about looks wise)" was pretty clear.

___________________

Mar-A-Lago delenda est

En masse. But semi jokes aside you're right I didn't mention that the neighborhood is quite safe. I should have added "safety-wise" as well.

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>En masse. But semi jokes aside you're right I didn't mention
>that the neighborhood is quite safe. I should have added
>"safety-wise" as well.

That has nothing to do with you commenting on her looks.

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Mar-A-Lago delenda est

First at that-- let's keep it nice and unbalanced.

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in the sense that you were referring to her looks.

>First at that-- let's keep it nice and unbalanced.

Or you could just keep it honest, but apparently that's too much to expect from you.

___________________

Mar-A-Lago delenda est

What are you really trying to say? That I think unattractive, overweight, women aren't assaulted? You'd be wrong but you can assume that if it makes you feel like you've got it all figured out.

Are you maybe like a Latina or Asian woman? Your perspective is interesting.

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>What are you really trying to say? That I think unattractive,
>overweight, women aren't assaulted? You'd be wrong but you can

really? so then why did you say "this woman (who really had nothing to worry about looks wise)"?

>assume that if it makes you feel like you've got it all
>figured out.

i don't need to assume it since you explicitly stated it.


>Are you maybe like a Latina or Asian woman? Your perspective
>is interesting.

LOL, second time that you've used that diversion tactic in this thread. is that the best you can do when you don't have a serious argument to make? that's pretty lame, even for you.

___________________

Mar-A-Lago delenda est

>>What are you really trying to say? That I think
>unattractive,
>>overweight, women aren't assaulted? You'd be wrong but you
>can
>
>really? so then why did you say "this woman (who really had
>nothing to worry about looks wise)"?

I answered that. I was irritated. I didn't realize I wasn't allowed to make hyperbolic or otherwise not entirely accurate judgements based on irrational thinking-- that's only reserved for .

I also hope that you understand 'looks' are more than physical flesh and bone appearance right? People can look wealthy or they can look poor, they can look weak or strong, anyway I can't outmatch your mind reading skills so I surrender-- you are absolutely 100% correct in your observations based on my one emotionally charged sentence.


>>assume that if it makes you feel like you've got it all
>>figured out.
>
>i don't need to assume it since you explicitly stated it.

Okay your right again.


>>Are you maybe like a Latina or Asian woman? Your perspective
>>is interesting.
>
>LOL, second time that you've used that diversion tactic in
>this thread. is that the best you can do when you don't have a
>serious argument to make? that's pretty lame, even for you.

No I was actually curious based on your stance. Great responses on your end all around though, this exchange has been really productive.

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>>>What are you really trying to say? That I think
>>unattractive,
>>>overweight, women aren't assaulted? You'd be wrong but you
>>can
>>
>>really? so then why did you say "this woman (who really had
>>nothing to worry about looks wise)"?

>I answered that. I was irritated. I didn't realize I wasn't
>allowed to make hyperbolic or otherwise not entirely accurate
>judgements based on irrational thinking-- that's only reserved
>for .

You answered thst you were talking about her being white in a wealthy white neighborhood. Now you are saying that you meant something else (again.)

>I also hope that you understand 'looks' are more than physical
>flesh and bone appearance right? People can look wealthy or
>they can look poor, they can look weak or strong, anyway I

Sure... except before you said that you were referring to something else. So which is it?

>can't outmatch your mind reading skills so I surrender-- you
>are absolutely 100% correct in your observations based on my
>one emotionally charged sentence.

So emotional that you've had to flip-flop back and forth about what you actually meant days later?

>
>>>Are you maybe like a Latina or Asian woman? Your
>perspective
>>>is interesting.
>>
>>LOL, second time that you've used that diversion tactic in
>>this thread. is that the best you can do when you don't have
>a
>>serious argument to make? that's pretty lame, even for you.
>
>No I was actually curious based on your stance.

Sure you were.

Great
>responses on your end all around though, this exchange has
>been really productive.

I'm here to help.

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Mar-A-Lago delenda est

I'm a big football running-back lookin ass ninja so that change-sidewalk/grab-purse-extra-tight shit happens ta me all the time.

Sometimes I'll literally laugh at the mofo.
More times den not tho, I'm on my zen and won't even dignify that dumb shit wit' a response.

https://chriswind.bandcamp.com/track/massage

"You can take an African out of Africa, but you can't take Africa out of the African"
Afro-Americana/Afro-Caribbana/Afro-Latino unite. We are ALL Black!

I know who I am and how I treat others in public. If some woman has an issue with me being Black, then it is on her to deal with it. There is no person on earth worth me getting killed and/or going to jail over, so for someone to clutch purses and speed walk across the street because of their fear of me looks damn silly.

Luckily for me, I don't encounter any of this nonsense because I am too busy minding my own business to care who is near me or what type of way they may feel about me being in their presence.

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and some change. I am well aware that my presence scare some non-Blacks. I had one women tell me this before and I felt it was her issue when she told me.

Why would I give someone who chooses not to get to know me so much power where I have to chang my behavior in order to make them feel safe? Why can't that individual work on their fears and prejudices and understand that any person can harm her at any moment regardless of their ethnic background? I isn't my issue, man and hopefully you will not allow someone to make you feel uneasy based on their issues.

We could take race out of it and I'd still be irritated. I changed my behavior for two reasons-- one to just not deal with any bullshit I didn't have to and two because it's better that I be in control of my responses rather than passively let someone (consciously or not) affect them. At any rate it won't be stopping so *shrugs*.

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I guess my point is that we can't help but be Black. With being Black, we have no choice but deal with various levels of prejudice and racism. However, in addition to that, we also have to deal with the everyday dangers that occur such as accidents, being in places where crime is imminent, natural disasters, drunk drivers, people under the influence of drugs, etc. the best thing we can do is be alert and aware of our surroundings, but we also have to proceed with our daily routine.

Bottom line, there are some suspected white supremacists who will purposely make up stories and fabricated encounters against us with no ounce of proof and have members of the dominant society believe them which could cost us our livelihood, freedom and potentially our lives. But, if that happens, then they better be good liars and make sure they accomplish their goals or else there will be consequences that they may not be able to deal with.

I can't allow people like that to affect how I do things knowing that I am not what they think I am or may be. That is their issue and the sooner they wise up and become good people, the easier life will be for them. Instead of worrying about my Black ass, they need to worry about people that look like them causing harm because more than likely, those who may harm them are people that not only look like them but actually be people that they actually know in person.

The real threats are way, way, more closer to them than some random stranger and that's the only real point to any of what I've been saying.

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I'm busy being me. Fuck them.

fuck you.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

When I see a normal looking white guy come close to the car at a red light or stop sign I make sure the door is locked. Those ones are always the crazy psychopath killers.

Just IMO though.

Crazy white folks. I hope someone puts them in their place. The world can't be safe with them running around.