Lets say u have a teenaged boy that is stealing lying cheating and some more shit. Lets say you have tried restrictions and punishment but the child will not change. Lets say u have had him evaluated and they find nothing mentally wrong. The child was adopted at the age of 2 and has been with u till now, the age of 14. You have been forced to put locks on your doors in the house because he keeps breaking into rooms stealing money and cell phones and jewelry from you and other members of your house. Lets say the child has snuck out the house in the middle of the night and broken into a closed convenience store just because he could.
What are your options for dealing with it. Can u give your child to someone else, like the state? Military school is too costly. What free or low expense options are there for dealing with an out of control teenaged boy like i am describing.
PoppaGeorge Member since Nov 07th 2004 10384 posts
Sat May-16-15 02:09 PM
8. "people these days quick to overlook the belt..." In response to Reply # 5
ass whoopin' been straightening out kids for thousands of years.
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"Where was the peace when we were getting shot? Where's the peace when we were getting laid out? Where is the peace when we are in the back of ambulances? Where is the peace then? They don't want to call for peace then.
10. "they have tried the belt it doesnt work" In response to Reply # 8
But the last thing they tried has gotten them in serious trouble. Before I say what happened I want to ask again, how would u handle a child who is stealing from u, other people, and lying and cheating doing bad in school when u tried the belt, u tried taking away things...u put physical locks on your room door, but he waits until evening to sneak in your room while u are sleeping and steal from u and your mate.
PoppaGeorge Member since Nov 07th 2004 10384 posts
Sat May-16-15 02:32 PM
15. "send his ass to military school" In response to Reply # 10
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"Where was the peace when we were getting shot? Where's the peace when we were getting laid out? Where is the peace when we are in the back of ambulances? Where is the peace then? They don't want to call for peace then.
16. "^^^^Where there's a will there's a way. " In response to Reply # 15
"All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players: They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts..." -The Bard
>Especially if he is angry. And he is adopted, that shit is >probably in his bloodline. Evil child. probably internalized this sentiment and acting like he's expected to. Children are not evil, they might be sick or traumatized but never just evil.or at least they never start that way
24. "she should have given hin back years ago" In response to Reply # 18
But she ended up loving him despite himself. Now she is in jail her husband is in jail. Not sure if they will lose their job or house, and the other child has been taken away to social services.
Bet she wishes she would have given him up and said fuck love.
11. "the man that married the adopted mother" In response to Reply # 7
And went to the courts to legally be their "father" who talks with him, counsels, takes him fishing, buys him things, and shows yough love when needed. Or his older brother who is 25 who was also adopted before he and his blood brother who is 16 . He lives in the house with them. So yeah 2 strong male figures.
Then his uncle who happens to be my father and my brothers.
14. "He doesn't need to go to military school to do PT twice a day." In response to Reply # 0
Have one of his brothers or his dad wake him up early in the morning to do some PT before school and then again right before he goes to bed.
Make him too tired to do anything else.
I don't know if you live in an urban setting, but if you live in some place with some woods that boy needs to be chopping wood, and if you don't trust him with an axe he can be hauling logs.
17. "That's a pretty viable option." In response to Reply # 14
There's not going to be an easy answer for this.
But yah, hard work can be one of the solutions. The idea being....he starts to respect himself first and foremost. And that leads to respect of others.
I'd suggest it takes a combination of things though. Counselling can help determine WHY he's doing these things. You could force him to pay rent. Manual labour fills the same exhausting physical effect along with a sense of responsibility in contributing to the household. Different things work for different people.....lots of kids with these problems yearn for a sense of control. So if they're given more responsibilities they sometimes respond positively.
PoppaGeorge Member since Nov 07th 2004 10384 posts
Sat May-16-15 03:05 PM
20. "dump a bucket of ice water on his head." In response to Reply # 19
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"Where was the peace when we were getting shot? Where's the peace when we were getting laid out? Where is the peace when we are in the back of ambulances? Where is the peace then? They don't want to call for peace then.
29. "humiliation doesn't work." In response to Reply # 25 Sat May-16-15 03:30 PM by denny
I hesitate to make generalizations.....but often act this way because they are frustrated in having no control over their surroundings or situation. Bio-parents in and out.....going from house to house.....whatever the case is....everything is happening around them and they have no control over anything. So they gravitate towards behaviors that signify a 'taking back of control'. Ie....his guardians are now in jail. HE DID THAT. HE WAS IN CONTROL OF THAT.
So taking away MORE control by humiliating them just makes the problem worse.
Forcing them to pay rent.....forcing them to contribute.....putting them in charge of things.....and hoping that they can find a sense of control over their lives in doing those things. That's usually how to help them.
31. "they told him to sleep in the garage " In response to Reply # 29
Because he would wait for people to fall asleep and then sneak in the room and steal.
He ran away, told them he was being forced to sleep in the garage, and they issued a warrant for her and her husbands arrest. They also took the other child and put him in child protective services.
My aunt and uncle are in jail because its the weekend and they couldn't get bonded out.
All this, because they didn't listen when I told them to either give him away or send him away to someone....
Because talking, punishing, and taking away things don't work with him. But u are right, the method they tried was humiliating him and he got even. And humiliated them, broke his family apart, and turned everyone's life upside down.
My question is, what happens Monday.
Will they get to come home, will they fight to get him back....i sure the hell wouldn't.
30. "That's when you give him spartan living conditions." In response to Reply # 23
He gets the bare minimum and nothing else. He wants anything else he has to do the PT.
Make him stand outside at 5 am until 6, he doesn't want to do the PT fine, but he will get up every morning, and the spartan shit will end once he starts to comply.
"All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players: They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts..." -The Bard
28. "that's my cousin too." In response to Reply # 0
He had to grow out of it. He's 20-something years old now and has made the turnaround. It took about 10 years of hell - the whole extended family worked with him and on him but nothing worked until he finally got sick of living that way.
34. "Send his ass to that one family member that lives in " In response to Reply # 0
the countriest of the country.
where the nearest neighbor is a mile down the road.
You know that one relative that still has well water and a septic tank. Where the only problem in life is to avoid getting a tick on your d*ck. That relative that is so remote that there's only one high school covering the whole country. Where internet is still serviced by AOL and those free sign-up discs.
38. "Theres a simple amount of abuse that is permitted amongst " In response to Reply # 37
country folk.
send his ass down there for the summer and allow him to work the fields, castrate hogs, gather eggs, throw watermelons in an assembly line with a group of mexicans that don't speak a lick of english, chop sugar cane while lookin' out for rattle snakes.
Drop him off somewhere that's 40+ miles away from the nearest city, that has no cell phone coverage and very minimal tv reception. That will humble a muhphucka real quick. Make his only interaction with his past available via pen, paper and a stamp. No computer, no nothing.
just simple ass living.
You wanna run away? Do it now.
or keep his ass in the city and get him some phuckin' counseling.
39. "I have a good friend that went thru this" In response to Reply # 0
The child ended being placed as a ward of the state. meaning they were not allowed to stay at home anymore and lived in a group home.
eventually the child did something and ended up going to jail for almost a year.
the decision was made after exhausting all options including security cameras
You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.
41. "does he have any interests like sports, music, computers? find something..." In response to Reply # 0
for him to channel his energy towards.
Personally I don't believe in bad kids, just bad(or enabling) parents. If you all have had him since he was 2 you can't really blame his behavior on his biologicals. There were probably signs of this behavior early on that should have been nipped in the bud but was ignored.
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