and you're the type of person that let's 'people live'.

simply cause you don't expect others all in your business.

it's not so glaring that there's been a car accident, but other people that aren't as close to the friend have mentioned how it looks from the outside.

what, exactly, is my responsibility in this?

should i email a talk show?

send an anonymous letter to her home?

only respond to what's in front of me at the time?

So, don't waste your time.

~Experience is the currency of the soul.

maybe someone to talk to. it has to come from their significant other, or they need to hit rock bottom on their own.

~Experience is the currency of the soul.

im sorry i ever thought you were something to begin with.

i'm giving you my honest opinion, why does it move you so much? i honestly don't get it. you're talking to someone who been there on both sides, lol.

~Experience is the currency of the soul.

aint nothing but good times, and forgetting about sorrows, we might disagree.

i kinda think friends are supposed to provide a positive space for life.

not just a room to get drunk in. but a place to be accountable for.

and for real, i used to think that you could be an insightful person.

i kept reading and realized you're just as neurotic as the rest of them.

no diss. we all wild.

bro, you are a trip but i ain't mad at ya because i am my own man. people will think whatever they think but i have knowledge of self and that trumps public opinion all day, everyday.

imo, you are the sole creator of your destiny.

~Experience is the currency of the soul.

from someone who uses a fake alias to chat on an anonymous message board.

~Experience is the currency of the soul.

see who strikes the keys the fastest, that's 'who knows.'

the best you can do is let them know how their drinking affects you and how you think it affects them. consider yourself lucky and/or influential if they actually listen to you but don't expect them to change

you can give ultimatums, get on your knees and beg, bargain, appeal to various sensibilities, and any other number of things but none of it really matters because the decision to quit drinking needs to be a personal one. they need to quit because they realize that drinking does more harm than good. quitting because your mom says it makes her sad is not a reason to quit. neither is quitting because you think your boyfriend will leave if you keep drinking, or because your friends say they can't be around you when you drink

if a person stops drinking due to how someone else feels, the reason for quitting evaporates when the other person/people aren't around. they aren't going to be present 24/7. people move away and relationships dissolve. people die. when someone is figuratively or literally alone, craving the feeling that alcohol grants, and the reason they quit isn't around to steady them, odds are they're going to relapse

it doesn't affect me. but all the 'signs' point to maybe.

i don't know.

it's a hunch.

why make this post otherwise?

if you feel like you have a good, open relationship with the person you could just try to talk to them. but it's a difficult subject to broach. in my experience alcoholics are pretty defensive when discussing their drinking habits. and generally speaking, accusing anyone of any kind of substance abuse yields poor results

but that underhanded shit never works. being direct and honest is often the hardest and most painful way of going about it but it's also the best

fwiw it's really not your responsibility to help them, even if you feel that way. if they do have a problem they aren't going to get better because of something you said. they are either going to realize they have a problem and decide to do something about it or they aren't. it's not up to you. it's a poor and heartbreaking position to be in, watching a friend or loved one harm themselves in that way but there's really very little that you can realistically do. the onus is entirely on them

that he seems receptive to now?

can someone explain? was i too blunt? sorry, you can ignore this. it just baffles the mind sometimes.

~Experience is the currency of the soul.

that makes you be able to sleep at night/look yourself in the mirror, etc.

Just by making this post it is obviously something that is troubling you. You have to be prepared to live with the consequences of your actions and what you say. If it is something you really feel strongly about make sure you articulate what you want to say and try not to be attacking. Sometimes it takes a bush for someone to look inward, but be prepared sometimes that conversation can kill friendships. You have to decide whether that is a risk to take.

As someone who is currently deciding whether they are in recovery or on sabbatical i can tell you the person might not be receptive to what you have to say. I have 5 months tomorrow and am not sure whether it will be a lifetime or tomorrow that i stay sober. I was able to get away pretty cleanly until 5 months ago and some shit popped off that really made me look at myself. I can tell you my friends have been incredibly supportive in debauchery and recovery. They check to see how i am doing, but don't judge my choices and have openly told me that sobriety is something i am choosing if i choose otherwise they will still be there.

A bit about myself i was socialized to drinking from an early age and prior to this 5 months the longest i had been sober was a day or two in 14 + years. I dabled with everything from booze and pot to cocaine and crack. I have had times of heavy usage of both coke, crack, LSD and mushrooms. I have not done anything heavier than alcohol and marijuana in years of my own volition and made proactive choices to remove coke and LSD from my surroundings as i have what i consider issues with them. Until 5 months ago i was a 10-15 drinker on weekdays and most weekend in the 20-30 range that started pretty much when i woke up. I smoked marijuana more than cigarettes. Personally i am relatively successful. I have 10 years in a field that has paid me well and allowed me to support all of my indulgences with no real issue to my financial well being and have lived a pretty comfortable life.

When i made the decision to stop it was not because of my friends, but i can honestly tell you i knew most of my friendships with people i know and love were not anywhere near what they once were. People stopped calling and texting for events because they knew if they wanted to see me they would have to come to the bar or whatever social gathering i happened to be at, because i was not going to change what i wanted to do. At weddings i almost always had a bottle of booze to myself or a flask or two. Birthdays were just another hazy day to barely remember. I know primarily when my attitude changed and what a good amount of my triggers were. A lot of them were emotional and stress related not necessarily addiction related, but booze became my coping mechanism, and at the end it took an awful lot to cope. I can't remember the last time i ordered just a beer because beer did nothing to get me drunk.

I have dabbled with AA (first introduced to it at 17 actually), and at this point i have withdrawn myself a bit because of philosophical differences with the idealism of the program and being on the fence about this being a lifelong commitment. I can tell you however the exposure to it has given me a lot of the tools and outlook to not react by grabbing and fighting a bottle until one of us is empty on the inside. When i told my friends a lot of them reacted with what i would call joy and comments that they had hoped i would tone it down or get help for years, but they are all the live and let live type as well. I can tell you from experience while the subject was broached and commented on (while drinking ironically enough) it is tough to hear after you make that decision for yourself. If you do have the conversation about it i suggest you don't do it at face value and genuinely be willing to help in whatever way your friend may need. The first meeting i went to this time an ex went with me because she knew how hard that step was for me. My boss knows how many days i have been sober better than i do because she keeps it on her calendar. In sobriety i have seen a friend get married without being drunk, i will be doing bachelor parties and other things without a drink in my hand for the time being and all though the thought of that make me incredibly nervous i know i am capable of doing it and have the support to be successful at it if i want to. That feeling alone can go a long way and while it may not get your friend to get sober or at least take a look at their circumstances. The knowledge that your friends love/care/worry about you can change someones perspective and sometimes behavior.

The poster above who said you can't help someone who doesn't want help is true in a sense, but expressing your concern in a constructive articulate manner can be the catalyst to them looking inward and deciding they do need help. Like i said if it is something that is on your mind you probably want to say something and if you can do that in a manner that makes you feel better about yourself and are prepared for the possible repercussions i say go for it. Getting it off your chest will most likely make you feel 10x better. Sorry if i rambled.

>
>When i made the decision to stop drinking

That is the only place it can come from. It's just the way it is.

~Experience is the currency of the soul.

i don't see the point in discouraging someone from trying to effect positive change in a friends life. The conversation with OP could lead to said person making that decision. No reason to discourage honest dialogue about concerns for another individuals well being.

>i don't see the point in discouraging someone from trying to
>effect positive change in a friends life. The conversation
>with OP could lead to said person making that decision. No
>reason to discourage honest dialogue about concerns for
>another individuals well being.

also, congratulations on your progress and recovery. it feels great to be rid of that ball and chain. personally, the decision to stop drinking made everything a lot easier to deal with. alcohol always led me to drugs which resulted in personal issues/problems that i carried a lot of guilt and shame around for. there is so much more room in my mind now that i am free from those thoughts and annoyances. of course, the anxiety came bubbling out with a tremendous force and that was the most difficult aspect of getting sober, however, i have found that eating right and using omega 3 and omega 6 supplements gave my brain exactly what it needed to manage my emotions with more control and effectiveness.

interestingly enough, sometimes it comes from my subconscious and if i catch my leg jumping up and down while i am sitting i become aware of the anxiety and can stop it by recognizing that there is no immediate emergency. when you sober up, you start to learn how to work with yourself, if that makes sense, almost as if there was another person that needed the attention, love, and patience.

~Experience is the currency of the soul.

Open the subject... if you get the immediate brush-off then leave it alone; like others have said, if someone isn't ready to tackle an addiction, they won't tackle the addiction - you could end up losing them as a friend (and equally removing yourself as support to them).

It may be enough to get their mind moving towards fixing the problem just to know that a friend has noticed.

But despite the "money and good times" weirdness in this thread, friends look after friends. If he's ready to stop, support him. If he's not ready to stop, support him.

_______________________________

))<>((
forever.

what about their behavior that's different from mine?

the only difference I can think of is that others aren't 'letting her live.'

should someone be making a post about sitting both of us down?

now, if you are being judgey because they have 3 or 4 beers a day and you only have 1 then sit yo ass down and stfu.

but if they are blacking out, driving drunk, getting kicked out of bars/lounges, etc... and every few days they have a new story to tell then you sit them down.

broaching the subject when they "may" have a drinking problem is problematic

it's probably best to ask questions and since u "may" have a drinking problem as well...best to broach it as a "we" thing

if their drinking isn't impacting them negatively socially, romantically, financially, or legally...than it's probably not a big deal...i'd say if it's only impacting them negatively socially without any of the other factors...it's too gray an area to hold on to any sustained concern

unless u know she's drinking and driving constantly or drinking and slutting constantly and/or constantly yelling, falling, acting out drunk amongst friends or getting tickets or in accidents, i'd leave it be

Let me sport my Air Hyperbole 2010s in peace. (c) ansomble

Building repetoires (c) spm since 1983

Tell them you'll stop too.

didnt work so much with the smoking, though.

I got enough issues of my own to deal with y'all on your own


does it really matter?

wonder what bin's doing?
http://i.imgur.com/phECCMp.jpg