"I accidentally hung out with the family at a church sponsored Egg Hunt"
today there were Easter Egg Hunts all over the area. I am talking 3 or 4 within 5 miles of my house. Well there is a park that is a 5 minute walk from my front door. They have had a sign out in front for 2 weeks now talking about the biggest egg hunt in the area. 20,000 eggs, bounce houses, food, drinks, games, prizes. Me and wife were like cool its close lets do this.
We get there early so the boy can do the bounce houses and try everything before it gets to hot and we can bounce as soon as the egg hunt is over. We get there and the first thing that is off to me is how overly friendly every one working there was. I mean super friendly. We get out there and the boy wants to go through all the bounce houses. So the wife and I find a bench over looking them all and let him go crazy. Within 5 minutes this overly friendly fellow walks over and asks if we want a bottle of water. He hands us a couple of bottles then extends his hand. Hi I'm Jason! We introduce ourselves and he moves on. Right away I'm thinking that might be the Leslie Knope of our parks department.
The boy finishes up with the bounce houses and we start hitting the booths. A few kids games, coloring station, and face painting. Every fucking booth we went to there were huge ass smiles and handshakes introducing themselves to us. The first time it was fine. Now it's getting to be a bit much. But whatever the boy is having fun so I don't say anything.
We are there for an hour at that point and I am commenting to my wife about it all. She just giggled and told me I was crazy. Now the DJ makes an announcement that the hot dogs were ready at the grill and they were free. Red flag goes up in my head. But the boy is going crazy dad I want a hot dog! So we jump in line and grab dogs. They had bags of chips and punch. The dogs were fucking good too. We eat and the boy wants to do another round in the bounce houses. So the wife goes with him. I get another dog and go grab a patch of grass off away from the crowd and in the shade.
I am there for 10 minutes when fucking Leslie Knope aka Jason walks over and sits right next to me. You look like you need company brother. Now the brother should have given it away. But it didn't. I am just thinking who the fuck invited this asshole over. Before he could say anything the wife and kid come over. The boy was thirsty. So I get up and excuse myself from Leslie's company.
We head back over to the drinks and I tell the wife how Leslie just came over and sat down and told her about his brother comment. As I repeat his comment to her I stopped and was like WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE! She starts dying laughing. Right there it all clicked. It was like in 6th Sense when Bruce Willis found out he was dead. All the introductions and handshakes flash through my head. The raffle baskets had bibles in them. The fucking DJ was playing Christian Rock! I swear it was 90's pop when we walked in. FUCK I had already eaten Jesus hot dogs, drank Jesus water and punch. This is how they get you! Hey try this delicious hot dog and punch on the house. You know we do this every Sunday after we pray and watch Kirk Cameron movies, you should come join us. Seriously I looked like the Weebay gif.
My wife thought it was hilarious. She knew the whole time it was a church function. Apparently it said the church's name in fine print at the bottom of the big ass sign they had out in front of the park. They knew exactly what they were doing. Unlike me, my wife is not a heathen. So she thought it would be funny to let me spend the day with church folks and then tell me at the end. Good thing I found out in a little over an hour.
Right away I feel like a hypocrite. I dont believe in God but I had no problem eating Jesus weenies, drinking Jesus punch, and winning Jesus prizes! I couldn't do it. Drove to a different park and went to a city sponsored event. There was candy inside the eggs and not pieces of paper with bible verses on them. We had to pay for food and drinks and the workers were rude. But at least I had a clear conscience.
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I start feeling like a hypocrite. I can't be here eating up their free weenies and punch when I dont buy into what they teach.
November 8th, 2005 The greatest night in the history of GD!
15. "I just felt bad taking their shit" In response to Reply # 4
I am an athiest. I do not believe in their message. So why am I going to sit there and take their shit? Like it's okay for me to throw jabs at them, and think this and that about their religion. But hey ya'll are cool when you have free shit that I want?
November 8th, 2005 The greatest night in the history of GD!
-DJ R-Tistic- Member since Nov 06th 2008 51986 posts
Sun Apr-05-15 09:49 PM
5. "It's either Church or Politicians giving you free food" In response to Reply # 0
I'm Christian, so I'm just LOL that you didn't catch it...but that's just how they operate.
I got GOT Freshman year college. We're 18, and drive by a park that says "FREE BBQ!!!" We said oh, free? Cool! We walk up and see it's for John Marks, who's running for Mayor. That's cool, he don't even know that I'm still registered to vote in CA only, but I'll eat his good ass BBQ.
Soon as we finish, he comes and introduces himself, then says "I'm glad you enjoyed it! So we're going to hop in these vans and spread the word to the community to make sure that they vote, thanks!!" and before we could even think to make up an excuse about studying (which Freshman damn sure don't do)...it was like....yo, that BBQ was good.......we can't just say no.....FUCK!!
Spent two hours in the Tallahassee projects trying to convince the dude who threw Plies off stage n his grandma to vote.
7. "that's funny....can't say i blame you...sorta" In response to Reply # 0
...i woulda ate the free food, chilled and went home with no guilty conscience..why? cause it's supposed to be an event where the community simply comes together and has family oriented fun, on the churches dime...it's not supposed to be a place where people push religion on you, even though some people will do this...
...youe wife was right, it's a nice lil joke to see how long it'd take to realize the atmosphere you were really in...
...i respect you leaving because your beliefs don't coincide with theirs though....i don't think it should've been a big deal if you stayed, but i get it...it's like not believing in a thing but going to parties for it...
"yes, sometimes my rhymes are sexist, but you lovely bitches and hos should know i'm tryin to correct it"- hiphopopotamus
11. "you do know it's a religous holiday right?" In response to Reply # 0
the chances of you rolling up on a church sponsored even is pretty high. i'm willing to bet the "city" sponsored event also had a religous background though maybe not as blatent. that's like complaining that a July 4th celebration was too patriotic.
not that i can't totally relate. we took the kids to one of those "free summer movie in the park" deals a while back and didn't realize it was church recruiting drive of some sort. that kinda made me upset because Kung Fu Panda ain't got nothing to do with no church. but it was almost the same deal though with the free drinks, popcorn and the DJ playing that light Christian Rock.
12. "Church people watching Kung Fu Panda????!!!!????" In response to Reply # 11
shouldn't they be watching Left Behind or Passion of the Christ?
The nerve of them filthy heathens.
>not that i can't totally relate. we took the kids to one of >those "free summer movie in the park" deals a while back and >didn't realize it was church recruiting drive of some sort. >that kinda made me upset because Kung Fu Panda ain't got >nothing to do with no church. but it was almost the same deal >though with the free drinks, popcorn and the DJ playing that >light Christian Rock.
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one half of the most dynamic tag team on the net...nappyafro's FROCAST!
14. "they knew what they were doing" In response to Reply # 12
>shouldn't they be watching Left Behind or Passion of the >Christ?
that would have been a dead giveaway. and i had to laugh at the OP because in my case it was the same deal with the church information being in the smallest print in the bottom corner of the banner. they knew nobody saw that.
16. "yeah but what does the easter bunny and eggs have to do with it?" In response to Reply # 11
nothing so I figured it would be safe to go hit a hunt with the family. It's like during Christmas we take my son to take a picture with Santa at the mall. I would be surprised as hell if they handed him a miniature bible after he took his picture. What's really funny is the night before I was checking the cities website to see the start time. I found like 4 other events but not that one. I couldn't find shit so I got up and walked to the park to check the sign out.
November 8th, 2005 The greatest night in the history of GD!
17. "I get what you're saying, but it's clearly a Christian holiday" In response to Reply # 16
Like Christmas, Easter is a pretty big holiday in the church since they're both (supposedly) about Jesus birth and death respectively. Honestly I'd say that Easter is a bigger church holiday than Christmas. I wouldn't be shocked that a church was behind an Easter egg hunt somehow. Some are just more blatant than others. Even the city sponsored joints are low key connected to the church. You may have just never noticed before.
20. "I did not mean to imply that they shouldn't watch it" In response to Reply # 18
my point was just that the movie didn't make me think anything about it being a church function. If they were watching VeggieTales or something like that I think that might have given it away. It was after we got there that they hit us with the "since you're here..."
13. "over here acting like a NYer LOL" In response to Reply # 0
folks are like NYrs are rude!
nope people try to "give" us stuff EVERYDAY but theres always strings attached
and no you can't even say good morning to someone
and why ARE you smiling?! ~~~~ When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries. ~~~~ You cannot hate people for their own good.
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