like youre walking a fine line in life? Do you believe it's hard to be a successful black man? If so, why? I'm trying to understand my brothers, my loves better.

Poll result (24 votes) yes (5 votes) Vote no (15 votes) Vote its complicated, explain (4 votes) Vote

-30-
You know it's drama, but it sound real good.

_____________________

hello, lover.

-30-
You know it's drama, but it sound real good.

Why must I pull teeth, ike?

_____________________

hello, lover.

-30-
You know it's drama, but it sound real good.

Plus, I asked you why. Yeen answer that part

_____________________

hello, lover.

socially, economically, and culturally.

my presence is not wanted.

my ideas are dismissed.

my wellbeing is neglected.

-30-
You know it's drama, but it sound real good.

_____________________

hello, lover.

and without a doubt, once you make a choice...you have to accept that you'll be ostracized by the masters you didn't roll with.

The unfortunate reality is that the choice is often made at a point in your life where the mistakes and missteps you've mad have already prevented you from even fulfilling your full potential.

>The unfortunate reality is that the choice is often made at a
>point in your life where the mistakes and missteps you've mad
>have already prevented you from even fulfilling your full
>potential.

but what do you mean by pick a master? money? sex? fame? can you please break it down for me. and why is it so hard to pick a master?

_____________________

hello, lover.

>>The unfortunate reality is that the choice is often made at
>a
>>point in your life where the mistakes and missteps you've
>mad
>>have already prevented you from even fulfilling your full
>>potential.
>
>but what do you mean by pick a master? money? sex? fame? can
>you please break it down for me. and why is it so hard to pick
>a master?

Fulfilling Family Expectations, Being a good mate.

Some of those are often inherently at odds with each other because the definitions are dictated more so by external ideals than internal goals.

What complicates things for Black men is that so much of our "manhood" is tied to values from within our culture without consideration to factors and roadblocks that we have to navigate in a way that compromises those qualities.

i'm weighing it all but just wanted to let you know that i "heard" you

_____________________

hello, lover.

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

I'm completely aware of all the societal constraints, but I keep moving and landing in better spots than I was in previously. I also realize that my own decisions have a huge impact on where I end up.

Like a lot of folks, I had the single parent, hood living scenario. There are plenty examples of folks moving forward from that. my biggest goal when I was young was to stay alive and not in jail.

with that said, I feel more difficulty dealing with debt than anything else. again, my own decisions.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

>I also realize that my own decisions have a huge
>impact on where I end up.

_____________________

hello, lover.

joining the air force was one. bad idea for me, but I was able to get out after a few months.

there were other bad decisions that could have sent me to jail for years, but fortunately it worked out otherwise.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

I just live life

what is your support system, if any

_____________________

hello, lover.

any bridges. Always leave a good impression.

a Tiger Mom, had a teacher/professor/mentor take you under his/her wings, a spouse that supported you while you grew your sea legs, etc.?

_____________________

hello, lover.

In Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, he says a man should never lose his cheerfulness. I agree.

A lot of black men are hardened by 40. Cynical and angry. This world will wear your spirit down if you let it.

I went to jail for about a day recently and there were these young black dudes talking about all sorts of stuff since we were waiting for our court appearance. They said at one point "these police motherfuckers want to break our spirit, but this jail shit can't break our spirit." Lord knows I didn't want to be there, but I felt that. And that can be applied to any system of white supremacy in the outside world.

Tariq Nasheed had a podcast ep recently about Logic and Emotion, and how whites want to get us all riled up and pissed off, and once that happens, they won. He's right.

One has to remember that this world is absurd. All of it. Even if racism didn't exist, the world would still be absurd. Capitalism. Taxes. 8 hour workdays. Laws. Our institutional structures, life itself. All fucking absurd. That doesn't mean I'm a fucking bum or a communist, I'm going to handle my shit and navigate the racist fuckery regardless...but life is stil absurd. No reason to take this shit TOO seriously.

So, do I feel financially stifled? For now, hell yeah. You don't have to be black to feel that, and I'm stifled for dumb shit I've done more so than stifled by white supremacy.

But emotional/spiritually/mentally stifled? Hell nah, never. I'll remain happy and cheerful in the face of adversity until I'm six feet deep. Anything less is lettin the bullshit and the bullshitters win.

Nahmsayin?

-------------------------------
If life is stupendous one cannot also demand that it should be easy. - Robert Musil

_____________________

hello, lover.

-------------------------------
If life is stupendous one cannot also demand that it should be easy. - Robert Musil

is it as simple as making better choices?

_____________________

hello, lover.

so we all "got out", but I guess it comes down to circumstance and choices. My family is dysfunctional, but I had both parents in my life and while we was poor, never lived in the hood.

I also went to decent public schools and was too much of nerd to even have a shot at crime even if I wanted it.

Other black men are placed on a path that directly leads to prison, sometimes just because of the neighborhood they grow up in.

-------------------------------
If life is stupendous one cannot also demand that it should be easy. - Robert Musil

>Other black men are placed on a path that directly leads to
>prison, sometimes just because of the neighborhood they grow
>up in.

one sparked this post. he aspired to be a rapper and get out of the hood. got close, but no cigar. now he's 43, a bunch of kids, 3 baby mommas, and working for his wife's daycare. he seems to have a love/hate relationship with black folks/himself. the type that says shit like "mike brown wasn't innocent" or "trayvon Martin wasn't no angel" as if he truly believes that either deserved to be shot down like a dog in the street because they may not have been perfect.

_____________________

hello, lover.

Strong == menacing
Confident == asshole
Intelligent == arrogant
Sexual == rapey

etc.

---
http://twitter.com/logicalhood
http://instagram.com/hoodlogic

i mean, I love a strong, intelligent, confident black man.

_____________________

hello, lover.

...I suspect some people interpret those traits, coming from me.

---
http://twitter.com/logicalhood
http://instagram.com/hoodlogic

are concerned?

_____________________

hello, lover.

Shirt, tie & name badge at that. The whole "white lady jumping like I'm Freddie Kruger when I exit the elevator" shtick is getting old now. I'm pretty-much limited to certain social situations to be able to express myself as a sexual being, otherwise I'm treated like some scheming harasser. If I speak at my normal voice (I'm 6'6" 200, so I naturally have a deep, loud voice) people get nervous or scared like I'm yelling in anger.

It's frustrating, because no matter what *I* do personally or professionally, I still get treated by people that haven't known me for a while like a shiftless black man.


I should note that none of these things really happen in the mostly-black neighborhood I grew up in... It's actually the opposite there.

Also, I should note that this affects me personally far more than it does professionally. Hard work & talent still matters in the workplace.

---
http://twitter.com/logicalhood
http://instagram.com/hoodlogic

seeing a black man dressed up nicely in suit and tie for work is a rare sight for me so whenever i do see them my heart smiles and i wonder how he's different from the rest. there's a man here in my office (it's a big ass office and i work in another dept so i don't know him) like that. he's easily 6'6, well dressed, a manager of some sort, always has a briefcase. i love to see him...except when he's acting like he's flirting. or maybe i'm tripping and he's really not. iono, but when i first started working here, he traversed two floors and came allllll the way over to my desk to ask me how i liked my new gig. i'm not in his department. there are easily 20 other black women here so i'm not a novelty. but i digress, lol or maybe i'm part of the problem you speak of! ??

_____________________

hello, lover.

---
http://twitter.com/logicalhood
http://instagram.com/hoodlogic

like, if i walk into a new place I dont think "oh, im SUPPOSED to be here" its more like "lets see what sort of reaction we might get"

where as other folks dont even think about this stuff

eh.

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

>like, if i walk into a new place I dont think "oh, im
>SUPPOSED to be here" its more like "lets see what sort of
>reaction we might get"


my ancestors struggled so that i could go wherever the fuck i please, as long as a nigga safe.

-------------------------------
If life is stupendous one cannot also demand that it should be easy. - Robert Musil

i hear you

but

im kind of like a stand up comedian in that I am hyper aware of people and situations. I'm damn near OCD in how I notice small cues that paint the big picture.

am i walking around looking shook? no. but I am very much in my head and aware of what people are doing

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

I've felt that. But living on the West Coast, I had to let it go a bit or else I'd be limiting my experience and making life harder than it needs to be. Just gotta deal with being around a whole lot of Mexicans, Asians, Armenians, whites, etc.

I'm sure white dudes feel the same way in black barbershops that I do when I go them hella white hipster coffe shops with crazy drink names. But shit I'm tryin to live a dope life, can't be on that "what do they think of me? do they want me here?" all the time. Who gives a fuck.

Can't let these white folk just read think pieces and vote democrat but never be around actual black people. Nope. I'm gon be ALL UP in your personal spaces, your bars, your parties, your everything. Can't get away from this nigga.

-------------------------------
If life is stupendous one cannot also demand that it should be easy. - Robert Musil

>I've felt that. But living on the West Coast, I had to let it
>go a bit or else I'd be limiting my experience and making life
>harder than it needs to be. Just gotta deal with being around
>a whole lot of Mexicans, Asians, Armenians, whites, etc.
>
>I'm sure white dudes feel the same way in black barbershops
>that I do when I go them hella white hipster coffe shops with
>crazy drink names. But shit I'm tryin to live a dope life,
>can't be on that "what do they think of me? do they want me
>here?" all the time. Who gives a fuck.
>
>Can't let these white folk just read think pieces and vote
>democrat but never be around actual black people. Nope. I'm
>gon be ALL UP in your personal spaces, your bars, your
>parties, your everything. Can't get away from this nigga.



that I went to private school and where I was for a few years was deep in pockets where I was surrounded by wealthy white liberals (like, "oh you are Mr so and so?" *looks at name of building I would be standing in front of at the time "Well, nice to meet you!") Like......spots team owning levels of wealth.

when I say "entitlement is not in my rolodex" i mean that I would always second guess myself when it came to dealing deals and spinning wheels during meet and greets, and schmoozing events.

My classmates and colleagues went ass over teakettle and got buddy buddy with those people. I could never fully feel comfortable in those situations

now the stuff that you mention, I mean, I'm always going to be me and I have no issue going where the white folks are...black nerd since day one, however for the sake of this post I am letting hang out and state that I am aware of the subtle shifts that happen when I come into a room and it makes for a bit of internal dialog when I question peoples intentions....is it interest or disinterest? is there a welcome vibe or no welcome vibe?

some people can just bypass that shit and I think its for me more of me being an over-think-y ambivert

or maybe I am wrong and a lot of people feel that shit.

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

.

_____________________

hello, lover.

I've been reading on zen buddhism a lot tho, and the concept of not letting the outside world leave a trace on your thoughts and actions could have a lot of benefits for black folks, especially those in diverse areas

-------------------------------
If life is stupendous one cannot also demand that it should be easy. - Robert Musil

years ago me and my ex and our son were driving up pch to morro bay from pasadena. for some reason, i decided i wanted to go visit this big ass rock in the ocean that i'd seen in a magazine. my car was in the shop so we had a rental car. i think it was a dodge charger or some other fast car. anyway, about halfway there we got pulled over for speeding. the ex was driving. i was in the passenger seat reading. white male officer asked us where we were going. i told him. my ex said very little, was very stiff. officer asked me why we were going there. i'm sure my face was like this 0_o but i told him. he looked us over. my ex was sweating bullets because he drives for a living, has a commercial license. officer chastises him a bit, saying he could lose his license, and then let us go. the whole rest of the trip was spiritless. on the way back my ex made me drive. maybe i'm reading too much into it but i think he was shook over more than just getting a ticket or a suspended license.

_____________________

hello, lover.

and it took me till my 30's to get it

and even now that I get it...it still doesn't sit well wit me

=======================================
Coolin...

hence this post. it bothers the fuck out of me, in fact. it affects black women who love black men, raise black men, need black men.

_____________________

hello, lover.

nm

<--- Big Baller World Order

_____________________

hello, lover.

socially and professionally. like i have to approach everything perfectly to get a standard outcome.

there's just no room for error or to breathe.

<--- Big Baller World Order

do you push against the limits or have you given up?

_____________________

hello, lover.

sadly i have seen folks younger than me already resigned to their current situation.

<--- Big Baller World Order

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson


"One of the most important things in life is what Judge Learned Hand described as 'that ever-gnawing inner doubt as to whether you're

********************************

Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt

"You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do!" - Olin Miller

man, specifically, has its perks?

_____________________

hello, lover.

As a black man, in an increasingly female and non black industry - I stand out. If I'm good at all at my job and reasonably charming/attractive ....

I promote easy - ppl are looking for someone like me. Or at least they have, however, the transition from the middle to the top is getting rocky.

I'm currently looking for ways to break into some of those clubs that will ease my entry - but once you get here, it's more than just volunteering or networking, the clubs are invite only. You need access - that shit ain't easy.

********************************

Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt

"You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do!" - Olin Miller

Being a black man has not been an impediment to getting me within striking distance of were I want to be. But that last mile, that barrier, is very much a white boys club.



>As a black man, in an increasingly female and non black
>industry - I stand out. If I'm good at all at my job and
>reasonably charming/attractive ....
>
>I promote easy - ppl are looking for someone like me. Or at
>least they have, however, the transition from the middle to
>the top is getting rocky.
>
>I'm currently looking for ways to break into some of those
>clubs that will ease my entry - but once you get here, it's
>more than just volunteering or networking, the clubs are
>invite only. You need access - that shit ain't easy.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson


"One of the most important things in life is what Judge Learned Hand described as 'that ever-gnawing inner doubt as to whether you're

_____________________

hello, lover.

cant remember the source

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

I can always find common ground with the other black person there.

Like college, I went to a PWI. Everyone arrives on campus not knowing anyone. When I arrived on campus all I had to do was make a bee line to the black folks and I had an instant community. I remember my white roommates not having that and having to find a community if they ever found one at all.

Like spades said I also am an attractive candidate for jobs because brothers like me are rare. I think the last boss who hired me hired me because he wanted to seem cool hiring a black person.


I grew up in a black community so I never had run in with cops or white folks disrespecting me.

My academic record is impeccable so I don't think I ever really had people questioning my intellect.

I am 5'8" on only weigh a buck fifty and light skin so people rarely find me physically intimidating.

My parents are 60s radical types so I never had any doubt about identity or that black is beautiful.

I've been really lucky.




**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson


"One of the most important things in life is what Judge Learned Hand described as 'that ever-gnawing inner doubt as to whether you're

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

-------------------------------
If life is stupendous one cannot also demand that it should be easy. - Robert Musil

>


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson


"One of the most important things in life is what Judge Learned Hand described as 'that ever-gnawing inner doubt as to whether you're

disappointed or relieved that you do/don't fit into the box they've carved out for you? i'm sure it's annoying, either way

_____________________

hello, lover.

i used to love disappointing people. now i'm more often like "b*tch FOH! shit is old!"

_____________________

hello, lover.

I can't care too much about people's expectations, just don't attack me cause my being doesn't agree with your preconceptions


I'm almost 28 so I'm comfortable with being me, It's just when being me makes other people uncomfortable & they try to attack me

_____________________

hello, lover.

fuck you.

maybe gay men are seen as less of a threat cause yall don't gaf about white women's vajayjay's? or yall are perceived as safe somehow?

_____________________

hello, lover.

Something I've noticed is that gay black men seem to be more...i dunno, free? You would think having to deal with being black AND gay in a heternormative society would be a burden..but nah. All the gay black men I've seen in LA seem real content.

I think Black America has a pretty conservative and limiting ideal of manhood, which places constrictions on what we can do, enjoy, where we can go, what music we can like, etc.

Black gay men are free from that, which must be pretty fucking liberating.

-------------------------------
If life is stupendous one cannot also demand that it should be easy. - Robert Musil

You would think having to deal with
>being black AND gay in a heternormative society would be a
>burden..but nah. All the gay black men I've seen in LA seem
>real content.

>I think Black America has a pretty conservative and limiting
>ideal of manhood, which places constrictions on what we can
>do, enjoy, where we can go, what music we can like, etc.

I would think this is why they're 'more free'. they've already fought the family and larger black community. so even less fucks given to the bigger american society.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

but i think the black man thing hasn't held me back b/c...i just haven't let it.

i didn't have bad experiences as a shorty that i'd blame on race. though i learned much about the history of racism and race prejudice in school and at church and at home i didn't internalize that stuff and apply it to me. i heard what my parents said about needing to be 2x as good as white folks to get half as far and i guess b/c i did as well in school as any white kid w/o really having to try too hard i never really knew or worried about what they meant w/that. and then i went to a PWI (one of the best in the nation) and got along w/white students and was accepted by enough of them that i never felt ostracized due to my race. and i did well enough in class and where i didn't i didn't blame it on race. after college i was out in the working world and for my first job i was hired by the richest black person on the planet (just about). i guess there i DID feel that i'd be better off if i'd been white - specifically a white woman. b/c those were the folks who got the promotions there mostly b/c most of the viewers on that tv show were white women and the execs wanted the production staff to mirror the viewers. so yeah, i felt my being a black man held me back there. and i left that job. meanwhile, i was out and about dating and living and having fun and i had plenty friends and never felt like i couldn't make them b/c i was black. however, at times when i was dating i did notice some dudes i wanted didn't want me back and that was b/c i'm black. but that was only some of the dudes, i didn't feel like that meant very much. at my next job i wasn't harmed by being black. i chose a career as a lawyer and i don't think being black hurt me in law school. if i struggled in law school it was for reasons other than my race, i say. now as a lawyer there are times when i get frustrated w/clients who don't trust me b/c i'm black. that sux. but then other clients trust B/C i'm black. so i dunno. the jury is still out on that one.

overall in answer to the question i'd say no, being black hasn't held me back.

and i still say no to the suggestion that being gay has helped ease the black thing. are there ppl who treat me differently socially b/c i'm black and gay? sure. there are ppl who think the gay thing makes me extra cool along w/the black thing. it's silly and i lol @ them when they think i'm lol'ing w/them. but whatever - when i can i use it to get what i want. but that's rare. it hasn't helped me in any meaningful ways.

fuck you.

>but i think the black man thing hasn't held me back b/c...i
>just haven't let it.
>
same here. I'm black and there's no excaping it. I got a crazy black people ass name, but shit, that's all part of me. it doesn't stop me from doing things to move forward.

>i didn't have bad experiences as a shorty that i'd blame on
>race. though i learned much about the history of racism and
>race prejudice in school and at church and at home i didn't
>internalize that stuff and apply it to me. i heard what my
>parents said about needing to be 2x as good as white folks to
>get half as far and i guess b/c i did as well in school as any
>white kid w/o really having to try too hard i never really
>knew or worried about what they meant w/that. and then i went
>to a PWI (one of the best in the nation) and got along w/white
>students and was accepted by enough of them that i never felt
>ostracized due to my race. and i did well enough in class and
>where i didn't i didn't blame it on race. after college i was
>out in the working world and for my first job i was hired by
>the richest black person on the planet (just about). i guess
>there i DID feel that i'd be better off if i'd been white -
>specifically a white woman. b/c those were the folks who got
>the promotions there mostly b/c most of the viewers on that tv
>show were white women and the execs wanted the production
>staff to mirror the viewers. so yeah, i felt my being a black
>man held me back there. and i left that job. meanwhile, i
>was out and about dating and living and having fun and i had
>plenty friends and never felt like i couldn't make them b/c i
>was black. however, at times when i was dating i did notice
>some dudes i wanted didn't want me back and that was b/c i'm
>black. but that was only some of the dudes, i didn't feel
>like that meant very much. at my next job i wasn't harmed by
>being black. i chose a career as a lawyer and i don't think
>being black hurt me in law school. if i struggled in law
>school it was for reasons other than my race, i say. now as a
>lawyer there are times when i get frustrated w/clients who
>don't trust me b/c i'm black. that sux. but then other
>clients trust B/C i'm black. so i dunno. the jury is still
>out on that one.
>
>overall in answer to the question i'd say no, being black
>hasn't held me back.
>
>and i still say no to the suggestion that being gay has helped
>ease the black thing. are there ppl who treat me differently
>socially b/c i'm black and gay? sure. there are ppl who
>think the gay thing makes me extra cool along w/the black
>thing. it's silly and i lol @ them when they think i'm
>lol'ing w/them. but whatever - when i can i use it to get
>what i want. but that's rare. it hasn't helped me in any
>meaningful ways.

props. thanks for the thorough explanation.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

But I think its bigger than how black america perceives gay men. White america places them in a different box, too. They're stereotyped in another way

_____________________

hello, lover.

b/c it fucking hasn't for reasons that have SHIT to do w/me being gay.

but you motherfuckers don't ever want to explore that shit. it's always about the gay thing w/you ppl.

god damn.

i can't.

fuck you.

To paraphase him, Being Hetero-Sexual in America is a lot about proving yourself, all day every day. "I like beer, I like boobs, I like sports, America, pussy, fuck yeah!!!!"

Eventhough we're not always like that. Not all of us like beer, sports, america (we all like boobs tho)

He posits that Gay men may be a little more free than their hetero brethren because they cease to play that game, they simple are what they are.

Now, this is from the perspective of a rich white male - gay or not - that's gonna change the lens.

********************************

Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt

"You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do!" - Olin Miller

too through.

fuck you.

I'm describing Dan Savage's description of a phenomena - and I qualified it with that.

If you gon hate on someone, hate on him!

********************************

Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt

"You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do!" - Olin Miller

and I just cannot understand anything about heterosexuals I shoukd know that you were only quoting Savage not adopting his statement in yet another of your attempts to dismiss a disagreement in our opinions bc I'm gay. My bad.

fuck you.

and i wear glitter face paint all the time plus i never say 'yes' i only say 'YAAAASSS, bitch'. so, you know, ppl be knowing i suck dicks like a pro and so yeah they don't treat me like a BLACK man but instead like a black? man-ish.

---

fuck you ppl. i shoulda never told you niggas i'm gay b/c as soon as i post about ***ANY*** experience that's unlike y'all's you pull the fucking gay card. so i'm constantly having to explain to you motherfuckers that there could be several reasons why my experience isn't like yours that have __SHIT__ to do w/me being gay. but me being gay is all you fuckers can see. it's all i am to you - a flaming ass dick champion faggot. nothing else.

fuck y'all.

fuck you.

Please calm defuck down. I'm not a man or gay so forgive me if I don't know what that's like. My bad

_____________________

hello, lover.

it's just...around here like i said any time i express a different opinion or have had a different experience the response is typically some attempt to dismiss me or my experience or viewpoint b/c i'm gay.

i'm fucking sick of that bullshit.

fuck you.

I had no idea these assholes have been doing you that way.

_____________________

hello, lover.

And my bad for snapping - I am real sick of that ad hominem bullshit but it comes with the territory around here. Ppl will continue bending over backward to disregard me bc I'm gay. All I can do is pray for them.

fuck you.

.

♚♚♚♚

#BYLUG >>> https://goo.gl/1ooFp6

♚♚♚♚

screamin' mothafuck a 12 /
bitches ain't shit /
cops ain't neither /
they huntin' my people /

- i. rashad

♚♚♚♚

generally speaking, no. I have an okay day job that Im rewarded for doing well at

I live within my means in a two income household, so money isn't a big issue though we cant afford to miss a paycheck yet

but in creative pursuits there's a ceiling for me as a black man who doesn't kiss ass or play the game well.