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Subject: "tell me your petty vengeance..." Previous topic | Next topic
Doronmonkflake
Member since Jan 10th 2007
11078 posts
Wed Mar-04-15 09:42 PM

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"tell me your petty vengeance..."


  

          

The old people in my apt are outta control. I'm tired of it. Like, I wanna be respectful but they don't deserve it. This one woman backed into us at 2 mph and tried to blame us. As if we weren't sitting in the parked car at the time. Tried to calm my girl down but she wanted to slap this old woman.

Anyway, tonight, old Dick Gregory took my clothes out of the wash. The machine was on. I walked up to get more clothes, this crusty put my wet shit on the counter. Like that's how itworks. I said um... I had clothes in there. He tried to gimme that Game of Thrones half ass aphasia. I know you can talk, Dick Gregory. You don't fool me. Wit your milky eye. Tell tale heart mutha... I let him finish his wash.

I came back down and opened his dryer tho. Hope his shit mildew right up.

It cant be just me goin to hell.

Da bayball, babeh. (c) Charlie Kelly.

  

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
I get it on the bball court on damn near a nightly basis
Mar 04th 2015
1
Man, a solid screen will shift your soul.
Mar 05th 2015
11
If someone plays D with their arms, they deserve the elbows they catch
Mar 05th 2015
13
      yeah, if they lean too much, the shoulder. slap, the elbows.
Mar 05th 2015
28
Of course hitting a crackhead with a rock is always rewarding, too.
Mar 04th 2015
2
Brb. Bout to go read that.
Mar 04th 2015
5
      I misremembered the title. I thought it said I hit a crackhead with a ro...
Mar 04th 2015
6
I had to evict tenants last year...
Mar 04th 2015
3
Classic Axel Foley tailpipe produce/Shrimp sandwich protocol?
Mar 04th 2015
4
EDIT, FAM, DELETE.
Mar 05th 2015
7
like the H in cheese.
Mar 05th 2015
8
Like the J in 'Jalapeeno' (c) Bubbles
Mar 05th 2015
9
it has been eatin at me for days....
Mar 05th 2015
10
Im over here dying I never new why he said that line...
Mar 05th 2015
21
Get your bread.
Mar 05th 2015
12
      nah, eff that bread, rev
Mar 05th 2015
15
I've pointed my speakers at neighbors walls/ceiling a time or two...
Mar 05th 2015
14
Work niggaas was using myfrenchvanilla coffee creamer
Mar 05th 2015
16
someone did that to me once....
Mar 05th 2015
17
lol wtf...ya'll ain't have water cooler?
Mar 05th 2015
18
      nah...we was parking cars...
Mar 05th 2015
19
           oh lol...i get it now. And ya'll was competing for paper and you was
Mar 05th 2015
20
           I was about to say...
Mar 05th 2015
22
Spoiled milk is an unholy thing. You ever drink it by accident?
Mar 06th 2015
32
nice, i did that to some kid that was jacking my shampoo/conditioner
Mar 06th 2015
33
      That sounds like a prank somebody's evil wife made up.
Mar 06th 2015
34
my wife takes forever to parallel park
Mar 05th 2015
23
damn. what you pick it up with tho?
Mar 05th 2015
24
my bare naked hands j/k
Mar 05th 2015
25
      and hot dog poo
Mar 05th 2015
26
that's cold ... but i like it
Mar 05th 2015
29
Wait... She takes so long to parallel that some folk had enough
Mar 05th 2015
31
You should move. That shit ain't gonna stop.
Mar 05th 2015
27
I have no doubt. But I love my place now.
Mar 05th 2015
30

ConcreteCharlie
Member since Nov 21st 2002
71313 posts
Wed Mar-04-15 11:05 PM

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1. "I get it on the bball court on damn near a nightly basis"
In response to Reply # 0
Wed Mar-04-15 11:08 PM by ConcreteCharlie

  

          

If you get all grabby and slappy and reachy when I get the ball in the post, PLEASE BELIEVE I am swinging my elbows through or dropping my shoulder into your chest every chance I get. Last night I busted some dude's lip and gave his buddy a big ass bruise. I hate that shit. Too much leaning, reaching and slapping. That is not defense. Also if you push off with your off arm, be prepared to get it ripped off.

If someone is too talkative, I try to bury them on a screen. I got this one kid good a couple weeks ago, he was pressuring one of our guards in the backcourt and I crept on his ass, got him with a nice firm one just in front of the halfcourt circle. He went down hard, never saw my big ass coming.

And you will know MY JACKET IS GOLD when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

  

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Case_One
Charter member
54575 posts
Thu Mar-05-15 10:07 AM

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11. "Man, a solid screen will shift your soul. "
In response to Reply # 1


  

          

I hate people like you...LOL And the dude that fails to call out the pick.

Oh, and I talk mad trash on the court too...lol

.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

  

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8-bit
Member since Jan 12th 2010
10841 posts
Thu Mar-05-15 10:12 AM

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13. "If someone plays D with their arms, they deserve the elbows they catch"
In response to Reply # 1


  

          

D is played with one's feet. As a big, low-post dude, I also hate little slappy hands dudes. I prefer the Lebron James-style charge into them and see if they move or not method to get them to stop. Catching a shoulder to the jaw must hurt.

---
http://twitter.com/logicalhood
http://instagram.com/hoodlogic

  

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ConcreteCharlie
Member since Nov 21st 2002
71313 posts
Thu Mar-05-15 01:44 PM

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28. "yeah, if they lean too much, the shoulder. slap, the elbows."
In response to Reply # 13


  

          

the worst is when you shake the first guy with a fake and then the whole team is on top of you. in an organized game you'd have three guys wide open, but in a pickup game the guys just stand around the 3 point line gawking while you get mugged lol

And you will know MY JACKET IS GOLD when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

  

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ConcreteCharlie
Member since Nov 21st 2002
71313 posts
Wed Mar-04-15 11:47 PM

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2. "Of course hitting a crackhead with a rock is always rewarding, too."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

And you will know MY JACKET IS GOLD when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

  

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Doronmonkflake
Member since Jan 10th 2007
11078 posts
Wed Mar-04-15 11:51 PM

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5. "Brb. Bout to go read that."
In response to Reply # 2


  

          

Da bayball, babeh. (c) Charlie Kelly.

  

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Doronmonkflake
Member since Jan 10th 2007
11078 posts
Wed Mar-04-15 11:56 PM

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6. "I misremembered the title. I thought it said I hit a crackhead with a ro..."
In response to Reply # 5


  

          

I thought somebody was braggin about a good day on the cohna. I wasn't gonna read it and make the block hot.

Da bayball, babeh. (c) Charlie Kelly.

  

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murderbear
Member since Feb 26th 2012
1982 posts
Wed Mar-04-15 11:48 PM

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3. "I had to evict tenants last year..."
In response to Reply # 0


          

Actually about 18 months ago

They owed me thousands

And for the last 18 months I been paying two mortgages.

Well, I sold that house last week, at a profit of zero dollars

Went to do a final walk through and there was some mail from capital one address to old tenants.

Something told me to open it, it was an address change confirmation.

They now live exactly two blocks from me, I rode by there one night and peeped his car

Now I'm scheming on the low
Plotting on the low

It will not end well

  

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Doronmonkflake
Member since Jan 10th 2007
11078 posts
Wed Mar-04-15 11:50 PM

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4. "Classic Axel Foley tailpipe produce/Shrimp sandwich protocol?"
In response to Reply # 3


  

          

Da bayball, babeh. (c) Charlie Kelly.

  

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ConcreteCharlie
Member since Nov 21st 2002
71313 posts
Thu Mar-05-15 12:26 AM

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7. "EDIT, FAM, DELETE. "
In response to Reply # 3


  

          

Real Gs move in silence, like some other word than lasagna, because really the G is not "silent" there.

And you will know MY JACKET IS GOLD when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

  

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Doronmonkflake
Member since Jan 10th 2007
11078 posts
Thu Mar-05-15 12:33 AM

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8. "like the H in cheese."
In response to Reply # 7


  

          

Da bayball, babeh. (c) Charlie Kelly.

  

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ConcreteCharlie
Member since Nov 21st 2002
71313 posts
Thu Mar-05-15 12:41 AM

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9. "Like the J in 'Jalapeeno' (c) Bubbles"
In response to Reply # 8
Thu Mar-05-15 12:41 AM by ConcreteCharlie

  

          

.

And you will know MY JACKET IS GOLD when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

  

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murderbear
Member since Feb 26th 2012
1982 posts
Thu Mar-05-15 09:35 AM

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10. "it has been eatin at me for days...."
In response to Reply # 7


          

i think i typed this out as a way to stop myself from acting on the impulse

trust me, i am all about moving in silence

but the better part of me is just like *let it go*

and this post is helping me get on that side of things too

  

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TR808
Member since Oct 24th 2012
1963 posts
Thu Mar-05-15 10:55 AM

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21. "Im over here dying I never new why he said that line..."
In response to Reply # 7


  

          

>Real Gs move in silence, like some other word than lasagna,
>because really the G is not "silent" there.


LOL!!!!!!! changes my opinion of Weezy slightly

You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.

  

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Case_One
Charter member
54575 posts
Thu Mar-05-15 10:08 AM

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12. "Get your bread. "
In response to Reply # 3


  

          


.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

  

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murderbear
Member since Feb 26th 2012
1982 posts
Thu Mar-05-15 10:16 AM

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15. "nah, eff that bread, rev"
In response to Reply # 12


          

if they had it, i wouldnt have had to evict them

if they had it, they wouldnt be living in this shitty apt two blocks from my 100 year old brick palace

i realize its a futile effort tryna squeeze bread from people that dont have it, or dont give enough of a damn to get it

my mind was on exacting revenge until i felt we were even

which is, by the definition of this post, petty as hell.

ultimately, i survived it all.

i live comfortably, and the suffering was never more than i could handle.

but id be lying if i said i didnt wanna put a knife through all four tires, then wait til he fixed em, then come back and do it again.

i am better than that though....(<-----tryna convince myself..lol)

  

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8-bit
Member since Jan 12th 2010
10841 posts
Thu Mar-05-15 10:15 AM

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14. "I've pointed my speakers at neighbors walls/ceiling a time or two..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

...right before I left for the weekend. With the CD on repeat. Playing some boom-bap shit. And the bass WAY up, and everything else WAY down (so it can't really be heard, just felt).

I've had some asshole neighbors that would blast Ashanti or JaRule. As a matter of fact, we STILL aren't even for that shit.

---
http://twitter.com/logicalhood
http://instagram.com/hoodlogic

  

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Cenario
Member since Aug 24th 2005
56980 posts
Thu Mar-05-15 10:17 AM

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16. "Work niggaas was using myfrenchvanilla coffee creamer"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

from the office fridge without permission.

So i filled it up with the free creamer and spiked it with spoiled milk.

Enjoy

-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.

  

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murderbear
Member since Feb 26th 2012
1982 posts
Thu Mar-05-15 10:25 AM

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17. "someone did that to me once...."
In response to Reply # 16


          

i had a gig when i was in my teens...
the homie used to put a sportsbottle of water in the fridge

i would always steal a gulp off that shit

like *its JUST water*

i guess he got tired of it

filled the bottle half water, half hot sauce

i learned. its HIS water, i shoulda respected it....lol

  

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Cenario
Member since Aug 24th 2005
56980 posts
Thu Mar-05-15 10:27 AM

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18. "lol wtf...ya'll ain't have water cooler?"
In response to Reply # 17


  

          

-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.

  

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murderbear
Member since Feb 26th 2012
1982 posts
Thu Mar-05-15 10:33 AM

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19. "nah...we was parking cars..."
In response to Reply # 18


          

there were water fountains in the building but not near us

you wouldnt wanna stray away cuz youd be missing out on money

so we had a lil fridge in the back office

like i said, homie was smart enough to bring the fill the squeeze bottle for when he got parched

i was just a dick with no respect

  

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Cenario
Member since Aug 24th 2005
56980 posts
Thu Mar-05-15 10:36 AM

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20. "oh lol...i get it now. And ya'll was competing for paper and you was "
In response to Reply # 19


  

          

tryna get refreshed off his water?? haha lmao that's a funny one.

-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
67500 posts
Thu Mar-05-15 11:13 AM

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22. "I was about to say... "
In response to Reply # 19


          

who the fuck takes a "sip" of water from another man's bottle?

  

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Doronmonkflake
Member since Jan 10th 2007
11078 posts
Fri Mar-06-15 12:29 AM

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32. "Spoiled milk is an unholy thing. You ever drink it by accident?"
In response to Reply # 16


  

          

*shudder*


The Newcomers can have that.

Da bayball, babeh. (c) Charlie Kelly.

  

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ConcreteCharlie
Member since Nov 21st 2002
71313 posts
Fri Mar-06-15 03:27 AM

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33. "nice, i did that to some kid that was jacking my shampoo/conditioner"
In response to Reply # 16


  

          

we lived in these suites that were astonishingly big for a dorm. it was my roommate and i on one side, two other kids on the other and a shared bathroom that joined the rooms.

this one kid, nice but kind of a doofus, was using my shit like it was his for whatever reason. i noticed that my shampoo and conditioner were suddenly getting cashed much more quickly.

so when one ran out, i didn't replace it immediately. instead i put some icy hot up in the conditioner and just waited for a scream. it was glorious. later i heard some people do that on purpose to combat hair loss. weird.

And you will know MY JACKET IS GOLD when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

  

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Doronmonkflake
Member since Jan 10th 2007
11078 posts
Fri Mar-06-15 03:33 AM

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34. "That sounds like a prank somebody's evil wife made up. "
In response to Reply # 33


  

          

Watchin their husband get misty in the mirror at his hairline.

"Ooh, bae. You know what'll grow your hair back? This mentholated camphor stuff that burns your skin and mucus membranes!"

Da bayball, babeh. (c) Charlie Kelly.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
67500 posts
Thu Mar-05-15 11:16 AM

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23. "my wife takes forever to parallel park"
In response to Reply # 0


          

we were in Philly and a group of white people swooped in front first and stole our spot. They were dying laughing too

When we finally found a spot I took some dog shit (always a hot one on the sidewalk) and put it under the driver side door handle.

  

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Cenario
Member since Aug 24th 2005
56980 posts
Thu Mar-05-15 11:45 AM

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24. "damn. what you pick it up with tho?"
In response to Reply # 23


  

          

-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
67500 posts
Thu Mar-05-15 11:51 AM

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25. "my bare naked hands j/k"
In response to Reply # 24
Thu Mar-05-15 12:04 PM by legsdiamond

          

nah... I used a newspaper or napkin..

I don't remember but it was one of those times when collateral damage was necessary.

it was philly, there was always a bag or some trash blowing in the wind.

  

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Cenario
Member since Aug 24th 2005
56980 posts
Thu Mar-05-15 12:11 PM

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26. " and hot dog poo"
In response to Reply # 25


  

          

>?it was philly, there was always a bag or some trash blowing in the wind.

-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.

  

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ConcreteCharlie
Member since Nov 21st 2002
71313 posts
Thu Mar-05-15 01:45 PM

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29. "that's cold ... but i like it"
In response to Reply # 23


  

          

And you will know MY JACKET IS GOLD when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

  

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Hitokiri
Charter member
20795 posts
Thu Mar-05-15 11:07 PM

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31. "Wait... She takes so long to parallel that some folk had enough"
In response to Reply # 23


  

          

time to what... parallel park around her?
They double paralleled on ya'll?!
They earned that spot!

--
"You can't beat white people. You can only knock them out."

"There is only one god and his name is death. And there is only one thing we say to death: not today."

  

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initiationofplato
Member since Nov 06th 2013
2420 posts
Thu Mar-05-15 12:11 PM

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27. "You should move. That shit ain't gonna stop."
In response to Reply # 0


          

I enjoyed your story though, pretty hilarious laundry experience, lol @ opening his dryer, gangsta!

~Experience is the currency of the soul.

  

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Doronmonkflake
Member since Jan 10th 2007
11078 posts
Thu Mar-05-15 09:26 PM

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30. "I have no doubt. But I love my place now. "
In response to Reply # 27


  

          

Nothin short of some Shining biz would make me move. These revenants ain't gonna do it.

Da bayball, babeh. (c) Charlie Kelly.

  

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