How do you do it? Is there a too young? Any resource online to explain what's going on to them? Would it be a mistake to let a 4 year old see their grandma in a casket?
5. "it's tough." In response to Reply # 0 Thu Feb-26-15 07:19 PM by SHAstayhighalways
my lil cousin-niece (my cousin's daughter) was about 4 when my grandmother died she did not go to the wake (which was open casket) she went to the funeral and she didn't get it at first. at a certain point i guess from everyone gathering she felt someone was missing. "where's mamita?" she asked. when my cousin told her she went to heaven the way she cried really messed me up
The Wordsmith Member since Aug 13th 2002 17070 posts
Thu Feb-26-15 11:50 PM
10. "I prefer to let 'em know early." In response to Reply # 0
That way it isn't a shock to them later. I mean that in the sense of the knowledge of death in itself won't be a shock; not some sudden untimely death of a loved one.
11. "just came from a wake, and I took my son (5 years old)" In response to Reply # 0
one of my best friends mom passed away. Normally I would leave my son behind for something like this. Mostly since its not family and he didnt know the person. But my wife wanted to come and pay respects and we had no one to sit. Ive been talking to him about what was going to happen at the funeral and what a funeral was all week long. He asked a couple of times if my friend was going to get a new mom now. Or when my friends mom was going to come back to life. I told him she wasn't. Then he asked oh so its like Michael Jackson. He can't make anymore songs because he is dead. I said yes and kind of giggled because I remember having that conversation with him a year or so ago when he asked if MJ was going to come out with more songs.Anyway at the wake I asked if he wanted to see the body he said no. I was cool with that because I dont like looking at them in the casket either. But he was very emotional during the whole thing. He sensed the sadness in the room and would tear up randomly. But it was funny that he didnt cry when he saw me crying he just comforted me. I was good through out the whole thing. At the end when I went to give my boy a hug and saw him in tears I lost it. Crying like a little boy with the shivering jaw and everything. Hurt me to see my boy in that much pain. Anyway he was fine. Now had it been his grandma or aunt or someone else he was close to. I think it wouldnt have been so easy. But I would have wanted him there.
November 8th, 2005 The greatest night in the history of GD!
19. "RE: I've got one sensitive kid. I know he will "feel" the sadness of ev..." In response to Reply # 14
my son is very sensitive. Sometimes I think overly sensitive. But he has a good heart and I don't want to change that. Even though it does bother me at times. Once we left he didn't carry it at all. He was more relieved to be out of there. He got mad at me for making him go because he said he hates sad things. But he asked a lot of questions on the ride home and today after school. So all in all I think it was a good experience. Now if it was someone he was close with I think he would definitely still be feeling it. But then that's normal too.
November 8th, 2005 The greatest night in the history of GD!
TheAlbionist Member since Jul 04th 2011 3306 posts
Fri Feb-27-15 11:23 AM
13. "Weirdly, I low-key wish I'd been around death younger." In response to Reply # 0
I didn't have anyone close to me (apart from the odd hamster) die until I was well into my 20s... both my grandfathers died before I was born and my grandmothers both lived into their 90s.
When I had to break into one of their houses to find her dead body, my brain just got running with the whole "Yeah, you're a logical adult type person now... death happens... she was old as hell... my Mum needs support and there's loads of admin to do..." - it honestly felt for about 3 weeks that nothing had happened. Then it AWWWLLLL hit me going to sleep one night.
I've always wondered if I'd lost an Aunt or at least *been* to a funeral at some point I might've been a bit better prepared to process shit.
Not that I feel at all damaged by it. I'm still one of the least sentimental people I know when it comes to death... but yeah... I still feel kind of disconnected from the concept..
16. "i remember being at my grandfather's funeral and not really understandin..." In response to Reply # 0
why everyone was crying. i was about 5 or 6.
i also vividly remember being at the funeral of my mom's best friend and my sitting on her lap and crying into my back.
i think we were both shell shocked. i was about 7 then.
i understood more by that point.
i don't see the harm in taking a kid and explaining to them before and after that this is something that happens. don't think they should be shielded from something that happens to everyone at some point.
18. "kids need a healthy acceptance of the fact that death is a part of life" In response to Reply # 0
and the only way they can get that is if they are a part of these experiences from an early age
they shouldn't be shielded from it, in my opinion
now that doesn't mean they should be forced to view the body or anything...just saying, yeah they should be there if their family is going
will they understand what's going on? probably not. but that shouldn't matter...no one cares that a 1 year old has no understanding of their first birthday, but folks throw them a party most of the time anyway
21. "death is part of life. take them & show them their own inevitable end" In response to Reply # 0
one day kid...you, me & everyone you know will be worm food. you will live in the memory of your friends and loved ones forever, depending on the work you do during life. so do you best to be remembered for being a positive good person. the end
-DJ R-Tistic- Member since Nov 06th 2008 51986 posts
Sat Feb-28-15 09:29 AM
22. "First funeral I went to was actually James Cleveland's" In response to Reply # 0
I understood what death was, but it never appeared to be a sad thing to me because of how my dad had explained it to me as a 4-5 year old. So being at a straight up Black Churchy-Church crowd for someone as big as him was just wild to me. And it was at The Shrine, so it is still the biggest funeral I've ever attended.
My aunt tells me she had to tell me to be quiet because I said "why does she keep screaming? Will he come back to life if she keeps doing it?" about the lady across from us. I think it's the first time I realized how powerful music was too. There was an upbeat comedic speech that had folks laughing, which confused me....then someone sang a deeply emotional song, and eeeeeeeeverybody was crying just two min after laughing.
I didn't get sad at all though, and it seems like I'm still kind of the same way now...just kind of emotionally aloof for some reason. I can be in a room of sadness and not feel a thing...it's not a good thing either.
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