|
i cannot add enough exclamation points to that statement. however, that is with (wow) many many years of experience. my baby girl is now 13. man. officially a teenager. we got her when she was 8 mos. so that's 12.5 yrs we've had her.
our youngest son is 16 (he'll be 17 in a couple months). we got him days before his 5th birthday. so that's 11 yrs.
our middle daughter just turned 15.
they have all overcome some pretty serious circumstances (physical, and emotional), and have made tremendous strides and are wonderful children. (well, young ppl).
but all the blessing talk aside, it can be HOARD up front. and pre-upfront, when you are going through the process.
>it's something i think about all the time since i can't have
>another
>like there are days were i dream about having a little girl,
>but then this boy is driving me mad and i'm like NUH UH!
hahaha. we joke all the time that if even oNE of our boys had been born first, he'd be an only child. our oldest daughter was the easiest baby possible.
>
>my biggest hesitation is loving each child differently and
>unequally. and then also the cost, lol.
>
>how was that for you and your wife?
this question brings up one of my favorite quotes from my wife. she shares it with other parents, other prospective adoptive or foster parents, and with our children:
"when we had just the one child, i was deeply worried. HOW could i ever love anyone or anything as much as i loved this baby girl? How could i possibly split my affection for another son or daughter? And the answer to that question came when (our next child) came. God gave me a completely new heart. with each child, i grew an entirely new heart dedicated entirely to THAT child."
i don't do it justice in the paraphrase. but in essence, while it seems impossible, your capacity to love will expand as far as you push it, enabling you to love each child fully and uniquely.
i don't want to gloss over it at all. there has been drama. long nights. tears. prayer. and repeat several times over. but it has been entirely worth it.
my youngest son is routinely praised by folks that come in contact with him for his character. at 4 yrs old, his birth mom was grooming him to be a drug dealer. he's interacting w/ prospective colleges and coaches now, handling much of his recruiting process. he's steering other kids in the neighborhood OUT of trouble. few years ago i had to hurt his feelings and redirect him from using social media for e-thugging. he's exhibiting an incredible amount of maturity and self-awareness for his age, adn seems to be 'getting it'.
his biological sister, our middle daughter, is improving academically. she's a whiz at bball, even better than her brother, compared to her peer group. but she still has some cognitive issues. but she was emotionally and, at least, physically abused, before she came to us a year after her brother. she would have tantrums where you would have to sit and hold her for an hr to keep her from striking someone else or herself. in the daycare she'd go to before we got her, they created a section just for her where she couldn't hurt other kids or the teachers. she done came a LOOOONG way. no one could look at her or interact with her or even guess at any of that in her background. she is a focused, hard working, and nurturing young lady who just calmly gets things done.
my baby girl was different in that she was abandoned in the hospital. premature, and went straight to foster care when she got out in 3 days. and was there until we got her at 8 mos. like the other two, she was also born cocaine positive. she would have these seizures and night fevers and we were told all of the things she wouldn't be able to do. you cannot tell ANY of that to look at her or talk with her. she is quick witted, athletic, quirky and delightful girl, who, one of the parents on her homeschool basketball team told me, recently, 'has never met a stranger'.
it is wild that it has been this long. and there are some family i don't quite kick it with as much any more, but we prayed that our family would be seamless and God has made it so. my dad recently said (after we went to nj for thanksgiving) about the kids that he had second thoughts when we made the decision (to foster and adopt) but that all of the kids were so smart and well-behaved and polite and everything else and that, if you weren't looking for any physical traits or height or anything, you would not be able to tell that they were not all ours by birth.
and that very statement is an answered prayer.
took how many years, especially early on, putting money in birthday cards, or taking it out, to make sure that they were all treated equitably, and that our extended family knew that that was a non-negotiable condition with us.
O_o
typical poetx long winded-ass answer.
but y'all good?
peace & blessings,
x.
www.twitter.com/poetx
=========================================
I'm an advocate for working smarter, not harder. If you just
focus on working hard you end up making someone else rich and
not having much to show for it. (c) mad
|
Printer-friendly copy 
Email this topic to a friend
General Discussion
