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Subject: "After how many dates should she offer to pay?" Previous topic | Next topic
SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:11 PM

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"Poll question: After how many dates should she offer to pay?"
Tue Feb-10-15 04:14 PM by SimplyHannah

  

          

After how many dates do you expect her to pay? Ladies after how many dates do you offer to pay?

If she dosent offer to pay do you feel some type of way? Do you eventually just ask her to? Ladies if he asks/ expects you to pay, do you feel some type of way?

Is dutch a real thing on "dates" our here? Lol

Poll result (41 votes)
After the 1st date (14 votes)Vote
After 2 dates (0 votes)Vote
After 3-4 dates (6 votes)Vote
After 5+ dates (1 votes)Vote
I don't care (15 votes)Vote
Other (5 votes)Vote

  

  

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
She should initiate the 3rd
Feb 10th 2015
1
why?
Feb 10th 2015
9
to show reciprocation* of interest
Feb 10th 2015
16
      reciprocity.
Feb 10th 2015
19
      re:
Feb 10th 2015
23
           read more Shakespeare to balance.
Feb 10th 2015
26
      So if she pays then its safe to assume that shes interested?
Feb 10th 2015
22
      *I* ain't say nothing about pay, i said initiate
Feb 10th 2015
25
           So initiate =/= to pay as well in this scenario?
Feb 10th 2015
44
                dates don't have to include $$
Feb 10th 2015
47
                     where?
Feb 10th 2015
48
                          simple answer - know how to cook
Feb 10th 2015
111
                               That costs money.
Feb 10th 2015
125
                                    If dates boil down to $$ you're bound to be disappointed
Feb 10th 2015
133
                                         been dating vs someone ive been on 2 or 3 dates with
Feb 10th 2015
137
                                         at what # does it become 'been dating'
Feb 10th 2015
145
                                              It depends on the time period, and not the date # for me
Feb 10th 2015
151
                                              honest question - have you fucked in them 3-4 months
Feb 10th 2015
153
                                                   Huh?
Feb 10th 2015
154
                                                        so that's 3-4 months without fucking?
Feb 10th 2015
159
                                                             for me, yep.
Feb 11th 2015
161
                                                                  jesus. I really hope you are up front with folk
Feb 17th 2015
241
                                                                       I have sex with the person when im ready and comfortable enough to
Feb 17th 2015
246
                                                                       bullshit
Feb 17th 2015
247
                                                                       I'm not really sure what you're trying to imply here.
Feb 17th 2015
248
                                              or ended here
Feb 17th 2015
240
                                         this post should've ended here
Feb 17th 2015
239
      According to Merriam-Webster, it's a real word.
Feb 14th 2015
232
if you're crazy about the girl and you don't hear
Feb 11th 2015
173
      used to think like that, then i changed
Feb 11th 2015
183
I never expect it. Kinda like getting a gift out of the blue
Feb 10th 2015
2
On the first
Feb 10th 2015
3
this ^^
Feb 10th 2015
8
^
Feb 10th 2015
10
^^My thoughts.
Feb 10th 2015
12
But why?
Feb 10th 2015
14
nice gesture
Feb 10th 2015
17
When you invite a friend out, should she infer that you're treating?
Feb 10th 2015
20
is my friend a princess on a pedestal?
Feb 10th 2015
28
How would that work? Would she actually take the pedestal on the date?
Feb 10th 2015
31
      she's always on it.
Feb 10th 2015
           marvelous exhcange
Feb 17th 2015
242
We pay back and forth for each other
Feb 10th 2015
32
      Why should courtship be any different?
Feb 10th 2015
37
      The social and economic gaps between men and women suggests...
Feb 10th 2015
43
           none of that matters when you like him and he likes you.
Feb 10th 2015
62
           For myself, it takes time to get to that point.
Feb 10th 2015
70
                i don't believe that's true.
Feb 10th 2015
73
           since it seems you prefer Black men
Feb 17th 2015
243
      do you keep a ledger of expenses w/your besties?
Feb 10th 2015
41
           ^
Feb 10th 2015
45
           No I dont
Feb 10th 2015
46
                good luck w/that.
Feb 10th 2015
57
why do you assume that the guy initiated the 1st date?
Feb 10th 2015
30
      Because thats how it usually is.
Feb 10th 2015
39
           do you think this is true even for online dating?
Feb 10th 2015
64
                Is that scenario for online or irl?
Feb 10th 2015
71
                     irl
Feb 10th 2015
78
fuck that game shit, this is why people have so many problems
Feb 10th 2015
94
you're playing a game too
Feb 11th 2015
178
      LOL
Feb 11th 2015
197
      yes & no
Feb 11th 2015
205
/Post
Feb 10th 2015
117
^^^The Correct Answer
Feb 11th 2015
200
Yes, exactly this.
Feb 13th 2015
218
Bingo.
Feb 16th 2015
237
Date 1: I pay. Date 2: Dutch. Date 3: I pay, repeat forever.
Feb 10th 2015
4
What's the logic behind this?
Feb 10th 2015
6
      if she is willing to go dutch by date two then she is a team player
Feb 10th 2015
102
           lol I don't think that indicates anything
Feb 10th 2015
108
                nope. just playing the game in a smart way.
Feb 10th 2015
116
                so a guy is cheap because he doesn't want to pay all the time
Feb 10th 2015
131
                     same way he assumes that a woman is broke b/c she didn't offer
Feb 10th 2015
135
                          I said freeloader. im talking about being taken advantage of.
Feb 10th 2015
140
                               ^^^^
Feb 11th 2015
169
                               Yall niggas ain't Drake
Feb 11th 2015
176
                                    you live a sheltered life. and do not call me nigga, i dont know you.
Feb 11th 2015
181
                                    Get over yourself.
Feb 11th 2015
207
                                    da fuck? oh PLEASE BELIEVE it's girls out here trying to eat
Feb 13th 2015
228
i don't understand why God left propagation of the species to you ppl.
Feb 10th 2015
5
I sweafogod, if I find myself single again
Feb 10th 2015
7
hello.
Feb 10th 2015
11
Basically...n/m
Feb 10th 2015
27
*gets in this line*
Feb 11th 2015
190
grass is always greener, man.
Feb 13th 2015
213
JF we >.< bruh
Feb 17th 2015
244
who says they ain't fuck on the first though... don't doubt god!!
Feb 10th 2015
21
look at God!
Feb 10th 2015
24
LOL
Feb 10th 2015
29
you'll get it.
Feb 10th 2015
35
      ^^^^^how you're supposed to do it
Feb 10th 2015
98
      YEP
Feb 11th 2015
206
lol
Feb 10th 2015
49
some folks can make it so so difficult sometimes
Feb 11th 2015
191
But this clearly an issue that you don't have to worry about.
Feb 13th 2015
225
Why are we counting?
Feb 10th 2015
13
Some men do...
Feb 10th 2015
36
Well they shouldn't
Feb 10th 2015
52
      In reality like 90% of the time the dude pays.
Feb 10th 2015
60
      Did you mean for that reply to go there?
Feb 10th 2015
65
           ....
Feb 10th 2015
105
      yea, i might swap a couple of those but it's sound
Feb 11th 2015
170
Yeah thats corny
Feb 10th 2015
157
on the 1st date... EQUALITY!!!
Feb 10th 2015
15
Thats all im asking for is a reach. Is that so much to ask for?
Feb 14th 2015
234
no clue. i never been on a date.
Feb 10th 2015
18
This is why arranged marriage isn't the worst thing in the world
Feb 10th 2015
33
agreed.
Feb 10th 2015
38
I'm going to go home and kiss my wife for not playing those games
Feb 10th 2015
40
      plus she has to earn that kiss.
Feb 10th 2015
42
      lofl
Feb 17th 2015
245
i begin to agree
Feb 13th 2015
223
Not a specific #
Feb 10th 2015
34
yellow.
Feb 10th 2015
50
this too.
Feb 10th 2015
58
No hard and fast rule.
Feb 10th 2015
51
So what are some exact indicators of interest?
Feb 10th 2015
68
      Emotionally open, invested flirting.
Feb 10th 2015
75
      u really don't think a woman paying for a date
Feb 11th 2015
171
           If that's the case then a man spending money or paying for a date =
Feb 11th 2015
179
                She doesn't "have to" pay, so it's way more meaningful coming from her.
Feb 11th 2015
193
On the first date.
Feb 10th 2015
53
you should offer to pay every time...
Feb 10th 2015
54
ehhh Id just rather go out with my homegirls for all that
Feb 10th 2015
63
date people you'd actually like to cover the bill for in a reciprocative...
Feb 10th 2015
99
      This works its someone that you already know
Feb 10th 2015
123
           yah I'm not about that cold holla life
Feb 10th 2015
127
yup.
Feb 11th 2015
192
i live in LA.
Feb 10th 2015
55
Even if you hollared at shorty and invited her out
Feb 10th 2015
139
      i was mad about the idea of it
Feb 10th 2015
152
SoWhat is right, how can we reap the rewards of gay dating
Feb 10th 2015
56
LOL
Feb 10th 2015
59
      A LOT of that bs falls away as you get older tho.
Feb 11th 2015
194
I don't know about a certain number
Feb 10th 2015
61
Paying is putting in work?
Feb 10th 2015
66
Please don't say you think your mere presence
Feb 10th 2015
69
Im asking lol
Feb 10th 2015
81
It's part of it.
Feb 10th 2015
77
there's no reason for it to be a dealbreaker.
Feb 10th 2015
67
      I can kind of go with that.
Feb 10th 2015
85
As long as he initiates, but some "yummy yummy" chicks will take advanta...
Feb 10th 2015
72
Yeah, I've fallen into that trap before.
Feb 10th 2015
76
talk about it.
Feb 10th 2015
80
Problem is, that conversation will often go sideways quick.
Feb 10th 2015
83
      Thanks for this.
Feb 10th 2015
84
      trial and error.
Feb 10th 2015
89
      then fuck that bitch.
Feb 10th 2015
87
      If it were only that easy. Women's moral high ground is a motherfucker.
Feb 10th 2015
88
           so it's better to date them, develop resentment
Feb 10th 2015
90
                societial pressure initially prohibits men from critisizing women bro
Feb 10th 2015
126
                     then dont date those bitches.
Feb 10th 2015
128
                          RE: then dont date those bitches.
Feb 10th 2015
134
                               k.
Feb 10th 2015
136
                                    Bruh, do you understand the concept of "talking yourself out some pussy"...
Feb 10th 2015
141
                                         lulzephees, bro.
Feb 10th 2015
143
                                         problem is you're more focused on the pussy than yourself or her
Feb 10th 2015
149
      Not only that but...
Feb 11th 2015
195
whoever invites should offer to pay.
Feb 10th 2015
96
also, these types of chicks are lame
Feb 11th 2015
166
She should pay BEFORE the 1st date
Feb 10th 2015
74
lol
Feb 11th 2015
199
You just need to know who you're dating.
Feb 10th 2015
79
and he needs to know too.
Feb 10th 2015
82
I agree, BUT
Feb 10th 2015
91
      yup.
Feb 10th 2015
93
           I dont quite understand that
Feb 10th 2015
95
                and that's great.
Feb 10th 2015
100
                     i guess she doesnt understand the consequence for one
Feb 10th 2015
103
                          that plus ppl love to play 'Gotcha!'
Feb 10th 2015
106
                          and that was a horrific false equivalency, like Fox News level
Feb 10th 2015
109
                               it was.
Feb 10th 2015
110
                          so who should the exception be extended to?
Feb 10th 2015
112
                               the answer to most of life's questions aren't black and white
Feb 10th 2015
114
                               yup
Feb 10th 2015
119
                               You want rules.
Feb 10th 2015
118
Basically.
Feb 10th 2015
107
if i don't get a reach on the 3rd date I'm not taking her seriously
Feb 10th 2015
86
why?
Feb 10th 2015
92
      if she doesn't at least reach for the check on date 3
Feb 10th 2015
101
           if he exepects me to at least reach for the check on date 3
Feb 10th 2015
144
                for reals?
Feb 10th 2015
147
                     Nah I just made assumptions about his charactar based off of....
Feb 10th 2015
148
                          assumptions nothing
Feb 10th 2015
155
                               No not really
Feb 11th 2015
163
some women are feminists until it comes to dating
Feb 10th 2015
97
LOL...Basically
Feb 10th 2015
158
who ever initiates should pay
Feb 10th 2015
104
1st date, I offer dutch. If he accepts, no 2nd date.
Feb 10th 2015
113
Him cool with going dutch indicates what?
Feb 10th 2015
122
oh cmon that's a little goofy.
Feb 10th 2015
129
RE: 1st date, I offer dutch. If he accepts, no 2nd date.
Feb 10th 2015
132
this is pretty silly, lol
Feb 11th 2015
177
      ^
Feb 11th 2015
196
i slid my wife a kiss and a butt grab after reading this post
Feb 10th 2015
115
my brussel sprout game is on point
Feb 10th 2015
120
I don't care.
Feb 10th 2015
121
i don't know but, the dudes that i know
Feb 10th 2015
124
2 or 3....and I prolly still wouldn't accept the offer
Feb 10th 2015
130
after 2 generally. we gotta be more willing as a gender to cut bait
Feb 10th 2015
138
If she's not worth the effort then you shouldnt be dating her
Feb 10th 2015
142
it's levels to it.
Feb 10th 2015
146
No its called honesty, you should try it out sometime.
Feb 11th 2015
165
if he's worth it you should take him out n/m
Feb 10th 2015
150
yea, it's "whoever initiates it" rule is bogus
Feb 11th 2015
180
      speak it on bruh
Feb 13th 2015
217
I don't care
Feb 10th 2015
156
Don't care about an "offer".
Feb 11th 2015
160
what the hell is dutch?
Feb 11th 2015
162
Half and half, or each party pays for their own.
Feb 11th 2015
164
^^^^ white
Feb 11th 2015
174
Cook & go on a picnic or some low budget shyt
Feb 11th 2015
167
I expect to pay for dates I initiate, and she should do the same
Feb 11th 2015
168
ppl who have all kinds of dumbass rules and techniques...
Feb 11th 2015
172
don't worry, they are all single
Feb 11th 2015
175
yup.
Feb 11th 2015
182
i dont like paying for ANY dates
Feb 11th 2015
184
no one LIKES paying
Feb 11th 2015
185
      really? because i like doing things for people.
Feb 11th 2015
186
      why do you have to be a guy to like paying for dates?
Feb 11th 2015
187
      because i like gender roles.
Feb 11th 2015
188
           fine.
Feb 11th 2015
189
           this too
Feb 11th 2015
211
           why though? you do realize you're being selective
Feb 13th 2015
214
                gender roles do not have to be an expression of patriarchal oppression
Feb 13th 2015
216
                     and yet they are often one or both of those things
Feb 13th 2015
222
                          i like them because they feel natural to me
Feb 13th 2015
227
                               i can dig that
Feb 13th 2015
229
      smh @ if i was a guy I would like paying
Feb 11th 2015
203
      I like paying. Not so much for early dates, but later ones
Feb 13th 2015
215
lol these posts are always so damn funny...
Feb 11th 2015
198
Its always the same people who are always single or complaining
Feb 11th 2015
202
      and they love to stand by these rules that aren't working
Feb 11th 2015
204
      ^^^^^
Feb 17th 2015
250
A woman who's willing to go dutch or pay is usually
Feb 11th 2015
201
After he start eating ass
Feb 11th 2015
208
check please
Feb 11th 2015
209
^ the real answer
Feb 11th 2015
210
Inbox.
Feb 13th 2015
221
I know that's right
Feb 16th 2015
236
I generally just pay to eliminate any ambiguity
Feb 13th 2015
212
whenever she wanna pay...if never, then never...
Feb 13th 2015
219
sheesh, str8 men are fighting back on u ladies
Feb 13th 2015
220
yep i dont blame em
Feb 13th 2015
224
probably a lot of them are the same men
Feb 14th 2015
233
      what straight man likes seeing men in heels? lol...
Feb 16th 2015
238
      you got it twisted
Feb 17th 2015
249
           yup. cuz if you bought and paid for...
Feb 17th 2015
251
                everyone is bought and paid for
Feb 17th 2015
252
Never
Feb 13th 2015
226
this is how i feel
Feb 13th 2015
230
      i mean again as things progress i don't find it that way
Feb 14th 2015
231
It's a nice gesture but I never expect it.
Feb 15th 2015
235

imcvspl
Member since Mar 07th 2005
42169 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:12 PM

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1. "She should initiate the 3rd"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          


█▆▇▅▇█▇▆▄▁▃
Big PEMFin H & z's
"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1 thing, a musician." � Miles

"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:19 PM

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9. "why?"
In response to Reply # 1


  

          

  

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imcvspl
Member since Mar 07th 2005
42169 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:23 PM

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16. "to show reciprocation* of interest"
In response to Reply # 9


  

          

* is that a word... lol

█▆▇▅▇█▇▆▄▁▃
Big PEMFin H & z's
"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1 thing, a musician." � Miles

"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."

  

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SoWhat
Charter member
154163 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:23 PM

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19. "reciprocity."
In response to Reply # 16


  

          

fuck you.

  

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imcvspl
Member since Mar 07th 2005
42169 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:25 PM

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23. "re:"
In response to Reply # 19


  

          

i'm reading this book Word Exchange about word flu when folk start losing language and making up words. shit is making me dumber.

█▆▇▅▇█▇▆▄▁▃
Big PEMFin H & z's
"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1 thing, a musician." � Miles

"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."

  

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SoWhat
Charter member
154163 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:26 PM

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26. "read more Shakespeare to balance."
In response to Reply # 23


  

          

he also made up words and we still use them.

fuck you.

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:25 PM

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22. "So if she pays then its safe to assume that shes interested?"
In response to Reply # 16


  

          

lol...

  

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imcvspl
Member since Mar 07th 2005
42169 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:26 PM

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25. "*I* ain't say nothing about pay, i said initiate"
In response to Reply # 22


  

          


█▆▇▅▇█▇▆▄▁▃
Big PEMFin H & z's
"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1 thing, a musician." � Miles

"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                    
SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:40 PM

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44. "So initiate =/= to pay as well in this scenario?"
In response to Reply # 25


  

          

riiiight

  

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imcvspl
Member since Mar 07th 2005
42169 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:44 PM

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47. "dates don't have to include $$"
In response to Reply # 44


  

          


█▆▇▅▇█▇▆▄▁▃
Big PEMFin H & z's
"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1 thing, a musician." � Miles

"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:46 PM

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48. "where?"
In response to Reply # 47


  

          

Cause I needs to know.

What does that include walks around the park or downtown? lmao

  

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imcvspl
Member since Mar 07th 2005
42169 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 05:59 PM

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111. "simple answer - know how to cook"
In response to Reply # 48


  

          

</entendre>

█▆▇▅▇█▇▆▄▁▃
Big PEMFin H & z's
"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1 thing, a musician." � Miles

"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                                    
SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 06:40 PM

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125. "That costs money."
In response to Reply # 111


  

          

  

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imcvspl
Member since Mar 07th 2005
42169 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 08:25 PM

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133. "If dates boil down to $$ you're bound to be disappointed"
In response to Reply # 125


  

          

You planning on eating tomorrow. Gonna cook some food for yourself. Been dating a dude you like. Invite him over. Don't worry about your grocery bill.

I took my wife on a two mile hike up a mountain to watch the sunset for a date. There were transportation costs, food and wine etc, but I'd hardly think of that as paying for a date. Conversely she took me to a movie she'd already seen to share it with me. Sure she paid but that wasn't the point. The point of both dates was sharing with each other things that we love to see if there was compatability in them. AFter the second date all the impress shit should be over and it should be about actually getting to know each other and enjoying yourself. Anything else is uncivilized.

█▆▇▅▇█▇▆▄▁▃
Big PEMFin H & z's
"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1 thing, a musician." � Miles

"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

                                            
SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 09:06 PM

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137. "been dating vs someone ive been on 2 or 3 dates with "
In response to Reply # 133


  

          

Are two completely different things. If we been dating im fine and cool with all that, especially if we're exclusive, im not cheap it petty about stuff like that.

  

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imcvspl
Member since Mar 07th 2005
42169 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 09:45 PM

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145. "at what # does it become 'been dating'"
In response to Reply # 137


  

          

i'm saying by #3 you should be initiating a date based on your interests so that by #4 it's been dating. if you both enjoyed his 1-2 and both enjoyed your 3 if you're looking for a relationship all them frivolous walls should come down and yall should be enjoying ya selves without worrying about protocol. if you not looking for a relationship, unless it's agreed fuck buddy shit, you should probably move on to the next, because someone's feelings gonna end up getting hurt.

#mathematics

█▆▇▅▇█▇▆▄▁▃
Big PEMFin H & z's
"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1 thing, a musician." � Miles

"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 10:32 PM

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151. "It depends on the time period, and not the date # for me"
In response to Reply # 145


  

          

>i'm saying by #3 you should be initiating a date based on
>your interests so that by #4 it's been dating. if you both
>enjoyed his 1-2 and both enjoyed your 3 if you're looking for
>a relationship all them frivolous walls should come down and
>yall should be enjoying ya selves without worrying about
>protocol. if you not looking for a relationship, unless it's
>agreed fuck buddy shit, you should probably move on to the
>next, because someone's feelings gonna end up getting hurt.
>

Because date 4 could happen within a two week time span. Around the 3 or 4 month mark of consistently talking and spending time together, Id call that " been dating. "

  

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imcvspl
Member since Mar 07th 2005
42169 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 10:39 PM

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153. "honest question - have you fucked in them 3-4 months"
In response to Reply # 151


  

          

cause once you fucked and then gone on another date yall either fuck buddies or dating, and if it's not estabished that yall are fuck buddies somebodies feelings getting hurt.

i'll add to that if you're looking for a relationship and doing 3-4 months of dating before you think the nature of your relationship has changed, they prolly ain't the one. not saying it can't happen. but real talk those is 3-4 months of someone not being real with themselves or the other person, which is a shitty way to start a relationship.

if you're just dating around, ditch em after 3 dates, change it to a fuck buddy relationship, or step up to the we're dating table because shit'll just get complicated and hurtful real quick.

█▆▇▅▇█▇▆▄▁▃
Big PEMFin H & z's
"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1 thing, a musician." � Miles

"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 10:57 PM

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154. "Huh?"
In response to Reply # 153


  

          

If someone is interested and approaches me, if I find them attractive or am interested in getting to know them then I'll oblige to go out on a date. If through the course of 2-3 dates or so we arent clicking or I become disinterested then I stop talking to them. I don't keep talking to people I don't like just for the hell of it.

There really is no definitive time frame but for me around 3 or 4 month mark if we're still talking consistently then im probably going to want something more serious and thus I am comfortable enough to commence with the intimacy.

  

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imcvspl
Member since Mar 07th 2005
42169 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 11:14 PM

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159. "so that's 3-4 months without fucking?"
In response to Reply # 154


  

          


█▆▇▅▇█▇▆▄▁▃
Big PEMFin H & z's
"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1 thing, a musician." � Miles

"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 01:57 AM

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161. "for me, yep."
In response to Reply # 159


  

          

Sometimes longer

  

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astralblak
Member since Apr 05th 2007
20029 posts
Tue Feb-17-15 12:49 AM

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241. "jesus. I really hope you are up front with folk"
In response to Reply # 161


  

          

that you do not enjoy sex, and are holding out for some strange reason.

also what the fuck are you waiting for "dating" some one for 3-4 months. it should be clear by date three if you want to be with this person seriously. also, if it's taking three months for date 3 or four, then they prob aint the right dude.

  

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SimplyHannah
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246. "I have sex with the person when im ready and comfortable enough to"
In response to Reply # 241


  

          

It's as simple as that.

  

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astralblak
Member since Apr 05th 2007
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Tue Feb-17-15 01:13 AM

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247. "bullshit"
In response to Reply # 246


  

          

from your answers below, bullshit

you're a princess who should be courted

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
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Tue Feb-17-15 01:24 AM

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248. "I'm not really sure what you're trying to imply here."
In response to Reply # 247


  

          

Yes I expect to be courted. And if all goes well and I like him then intimacy is commenced, when Im ready.

  

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astralblak
Member since Apr 05th 2007
20029 posts
Tue Feb-17-15 12:46 AM

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240. "or ended here"
In response to Reply # 145


  

          

.

  

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astralblak
Member since Apr 05th 2007
20029 posts
Tue Feb-17-15 12:45 AM

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239. "this post should've ended here"
In response to Reply # 133


  

          

.

  

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The Wordsmith
Member since Aug 13th 2002
17058 posts
Sat Feb-14-15 02:45 PM

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232. "According to Merriam-Webster, it's a real word."
In response to Reply # 16


  

          

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/reciprocation



Since 1976

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
12715 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 09:52 AM

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173. "if you're crazy about the girl and you don't hear"
In response to Reply # 1


          

from her after the second date are you really going to not call her and see what's up?

nope.

not calling after two dates is just the way most guys communicate they're not interested.

  

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imcvspl
Member since Mar 07th 2005
42169 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 11:29 AM

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183. "used to think like that, then i changed"
In response to Reply # 173


  

          

no matter how crazy i am about her, if she can't pick up the phone, then either she's not that interested, or sitting by the phone waiting on me scared to make the call herself aka not my type.

i'm happy.

█▆▇▅▇█▇▆▄▁▃
Big PEMFin H & z's
"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1 thing, a musician." � Miles

"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."

  

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Lach
Charter member
43828 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:14 PM

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2. "I never expect it. Kinda like getting a gift out of the blue"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

So I never look forward to it and assume I'm paying.

  

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John Forte
Member since Feb 22nd 2013
15330 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:15 PM

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3. "On the first"
In response to Reply # 0


          

She should offer and he should decline.

  

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dafriquan
Charter member
24695 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:19 PM

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8. "this ^^"
In response to Reply # 3


  

          

  

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luminous
Charter member
11640 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:19 PM

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10. "^"
In response to Reply # 3


  

          

--
Sometimes you have to look reality in the face and say 'No!'
-Ben (Reaper)

  

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Monkey Genius
Member since Mar 04th 2005
8064 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:20 PM

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12. "^^My thoughts."
In response to Reply # 3


  

          

----------------------------------
I have a webcomic: www.watchthecomic.com

My webcomic has a page: www.facebook.com/watchyourheadcomic

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:22 PM

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14. "But why?"
In response to Reply # 3


  

          

He invited you somewhere, and she should offer to pay? For what? Cause it's a nice gesture? To prove she ain't a gold digger?

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69182 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:23 PM

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17. "nice gesture"
In response to Reply # 14


          

  

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John Forte
Member since Feb 22nd 2013
15330 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:24 PM

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20. "When you invite a friend out, should she infer that you're treating?"
In response to Reply # 14


          

  

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SoWhat
Charter member
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Tue Feb-10-15 04:27 PM

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28. "is my friend a princess on a pedestal?"
In response to Reply # 20


  

          

fuck you.

  

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John Forte
Member since Feb 22nd 2013
15330 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:28 PM

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31. "How would that work? Would she actually take the pedestal on the date?"
In response to Reply # 28


          

  

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SoWhat
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"she's always on it."


  

          

he brings his own ladder when he wants to reach her.

fuck you.

  

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astralblak
Member since Apr 05th 2007
20029 posts
Tue Feb-17-15 12:51 AM

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242. "marvelous exhcange"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

.

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:29 PM

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32. "We pay back and forth for each other"
In response to Reply # 20


  

          

But thats only with my two bestfriends that Ive known forever. I dont extend that courtesy to associates, coworkers ect..

They also arent courting me, so then there's that.

  

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John Forte
Member since Feb 22nd 2013
15330 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:31 PM

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37. "Why should courtship be any different?"
In response to Reply # 32


          

This is why some guys think dating = paying for sex...because some women still expect men to spend money for the prospect of intimacy.

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:39 PM

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43. "The social and economic gaps between men and women suggests..."
In response to Reply # 37


  

          

that men should pay. Its the least they could do.

:sips tea:

  

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SoWhat
Charter member
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Tue Feb-10-15 04:56 PM

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62. "none of that matters when you like him and he likes you."
In response to Reply # 43


  

          

fuck you.

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 05:03 PM

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70. "For myself, it takes time to get to that point."
In response to Reply # 62


  

          

Thats something I cant decide within the first couple of dates.

  

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SoWhat
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73. "i don't believe that's true."
In response to Reply # 70
Tue Feb-10-15 05:09 PM by SoWhat

  

          

and if it is i find it sad.

b/c it means you agree to dates w/guys you don't like. or guys where there's no interest. and that's an incredibly cynical approach to dating. and it confuses me.

so i don't think that's what you do.

i've been on dates where i wasn't sure how much i like the guy. and who paid wasn't a big deal. we split or one of us paid. it was done.

i've paid for dates w/guys that went no where. oh well. i lost nothing i couldn't afford.

i have no problem paying for dates.

hopefully you get to that point. or you don't. i dunno.

fuck you.

  

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astralblak
Member since Apr 05th 2007
20029 posts
Tue Feb-17-15 12:54 AM

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243. "since it seems you prefer Black men"
In response to Reply # 43


  

          

Black women for years have made almost as much and in this day make more than Black men, and tend to have more education as well

  

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SoWhat
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Tue Feb-10-15 04:35 PM

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41. "do you keep a ledger of expenses w/your besties?"
In response to Reply # 32


  

          

i don't do that w/my bestie. we pay for each other w/o thinking (if we got it) b/c we each know it'll come back. it may not come back monetarily but it'll come back.

he cooked dinner last night. that doesn't mean i owe him. he cooked b/c we were hungry and he had food. i don't now feel obligated to cook for him in return or to do anything. but i know when the time comes for me to offer him __ i will. it's not something i track.

ideally dating is like that. ppl doing for each other out of genuine feeling and not some arbitrary rule developed in the abstract.

fuck you.

  

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luminous
Charter member
11640 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:40 PM

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45. "^"
In response to Reply # 41


  

          

--
Sometimes you have to look reality in the face and say 'No!'
-Ben (Reaper)

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:43 PM

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46. "No I dont"
In response to Reply # 41


  

          

And I wouldn't for my boyfriend either.

I would for associates and men I'm just "dating" or talking to tho.

  

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SoWhat
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154163 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:52 PM

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57. "good luck w/that."
In response to Reply # 46


  

          

fuck you.

  

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luminous
Charter member
11640 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:27 PM

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30. "why do you assume that the guy initiated the 1st date?"
In response to Reply # 14


  

          

--
Sometimes you have to look reality in the face and say 'No!'
-Ben (Reaper)

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:32 PM

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39. "Because thats how it usually is."
In response to Reply # 30


  

          

Also, whoever invites should pay. Male or female.

  

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luminous
Charter member
11640 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:58 PM

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64. "do you think this is true even for online dating?"
In response to Reply # 39


  

          

For me the first date is usually mutual. I flirt with him, he picks up on it and flirts back. Then he eventually asks to continue the conversation. Its not usually one sided.

--
Sometimes you have to look reality in the face and say 'No!'
-Ben (Reaper)

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 05:05 PM

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71. "Is that scenario for online or irl?"
In response to Reply # 64


  

          

The " he asks to continue the conversation " part suggests that he's taking the lead/initiative.

  

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luminous
Charter member
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Tue Feb-10-15 05:09 PM

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78. "irl"
In response to Reply # 71


  

          

I usually let the guy take the lead but many times I'm very active in letting the guy know I'm interested. So I dont really see it as he is trying to court me. We are courting each other.

the online part was a separate question.

--
Sometimes you have to look reality in the face and say 'No!'
-Ben (Reaper)

  

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J_Stew
Member since Jul 06th 2002
22363 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 05:28 PM

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94. "fuck that game shit, this is why people have so many problems"
In response to Reply # 3


          

If I ask you on a dinner date, I'm expecting to pay, but if you do that fake reach for the credit card, i'm gonna let you pay your share because either:

A) You are a game playing, always coming up with some kind of test, psycho OR
B) You valued my company and realize it's unfair for the man to be expected to pay, in which case I will make it explicitly clear on future dates that I want to treat you.

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
12715 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 10:00 AM

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178. "you're playing a game too"
In response to Reply # 94


          

you've just decided to play your own game and make up rules only you know...

  

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gunh
Member since Jun 10th 2011
236 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 01:45 PM

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197. "LOL"
In response to Reply # 178


          

...now aint that somethin'

  

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lfresh
Member since Jun 18th 2002
92693 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 03:16 PM

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205. "yes & no"
In response to Reply # 178


  

          

only because of all the a,b and c's


i just do b
i dont want no obligations
and i dont play games

~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

  

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guru0509
Charter member
42344 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 06:15 PM

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117. "/Post"
In response to Reply # 3


  

          

-------------------
I wanna go to where the martyrs went
the brown figures on the walls of my apart-a-ment...

  

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ChampD1012
Member since Sep 27th 2003
8305 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 02:21 PM

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200. "^^^The Correct Answer"
In response to Reply # 3


  

          

  

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TheAlbionist
Member since Jul 04th 2011
3306 posts
Fri Feb-13-15 10:10 AM

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218. "Yes, exactly this."
In response to Reply # 3


  

          

>She should offer and he should decline.

_______________________________

))<>((
forever.

  

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Airbreed
Charter member
29350 posts
Mon Feb-16-15 03:30 PM

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237. "Bingo."
In response to Reply # 3


  

          

.

  

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double negative
Member since Dec 14th 2007
21760 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:16 PM

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4. "Date 1: I pay. Date 2: Dutch. Date 3: I pay, repeat forever. "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

OR

its Dinner I pay

and then Drinks she pays

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:18 PM

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6. "What's the logic behind this? "
In response to Reply # 4


  

          

  

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double negative
Member since Dec 14th 2007
21760 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 05:37 PM

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102. "if she is willing to go dutch by date two then she is a team player"
In response to Reply # 6


  

          

otherwise, I have no time for freeloaders.

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 05:52 PM

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108. "lol I don't think that indicates anything "
In response to Reply # 102


  

          

Might indicate that you're cheap or have trust issues tho.

  

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double negative
Member since Dec 14th 2007
21760 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 06:14 PM

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116. "nope. just playing the game in a smart way."
In response to Reply # 108
Tue Feb-10-15 06:28 PM by double negative

  

          

>Might indicate that you're cheap or have trust issues tho.

im actually into spending money on people I like

dates one to three are on shakey ground, you arent sure whats going on with the person, you arent sure where things are going so it does not make any sense at all to pull out all the stops at once

so, first date, I have no issue paying for

the second date I expect a bit of dutch action to happen

after that I have a better idea about where a person is coming from

and Hannah, I have dated a lot so it makes zero sense to come out the pocket all the time for a whole lot of maybe.

everytime I've gone full out things never work out so its a strategic play to remain in the black and sane

its smart sorting.



addendum, because this is OKP I do not mean that I am sitting and calculating and counting dates to the T, this is more of a general idea

its should be a fair back and forth really

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

  

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J_Stew
Member since Jul 06th 2002
22363 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 07:31 PM

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131. "so a guy is cheap because he doesn't want to pay all the time"
In response to Reply # 108


          

what does that say about the person that doesn't want to pay ever?

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 08:39 PM

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135. "same way he assumes that a woman is broke b/c she didn't offer "
In response to Reply # 131


  

          

To pay on the 2nd or 3rd date. You know, since were just making assumptions here.

  

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double negative
Member since Dec 14th 2007
21760 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 09:12 PM

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140. "I said freeloader. im talking about being taken advantage of. "
In response to Reply # 135
Tue Feb-10-15 09:17 PM by double negative

  

          

>To pay on the 2nd or 3rd date. You know, since were just
>making assumptions here.

which does happen
lets not act super duper brand new.

its not even about the money. its about seeing if someone is the same page about making a connection.

some people...SOME people will just take advantage just because and thats not so cool.




you can be broke and freeload

but a freeloader does not equal poverty. its a character flaw

the two things do not equal each other.

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

  

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MiracleRic
Member since Oct 21st 2002
45200 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 09:44 AM

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169. "^^^^"
In response to Reply # 140


  

          

Let me sport my Air Hyperbole 2010s in peace. (c) ansomble

Building repetoires (c) spm since 1983

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 09:58 AM

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176. "Yall niggas ain't Drake"
In response to Reply # 140


  

          

Or Diddy or any kind of NBA Allstar. The average woman ain't looking to take to advantage of yall or make a come up, cut it out.

  

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double negative
Member since Dec 14th 2007
21760 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 10:18 AM

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181. "you live a sheltered life. and do not call me nigga, i dont know you. "
In response to Reply # 176
Wed Feb-11-15 10:19 AM by double negative

  

          

im talking about basic human nature and you are not hearing me.

i provide a sound response and you move the goal posts.

you need to date some more and see some more things.

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 04:01 PM

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207. "Get over yourself."
In response to Reply # 181


  

          

  

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ConcreteCharlie
Member since Nov 21st 2002
71344 posts
Fri Feb-13-15 09:07 PM

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228. "da fuck? oh PLEASE BELIEVE it's girls out here trying to eat"
In response to Reply # 176
Fri Feb-13-15 09:08 PM by ConcreteCharlie

  

          

every day is halloween, ho, trick or treat (c) short.

you don't have to have NBA money to be a come-up, or even MBA money.

And you will know MY JACKET IS GOLD when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

  

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SoWhat
Charter member
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Tue Feb-10-15 04:16 PM

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5. "i don't understand why God left propagation of the species to you ppl."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

y'all do everything you can to fuck it up. for no good reason.

sheesh.

fuck you.

  

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John Forte
Member since Feb 22nd 2013
15330 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:18 PM

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7. "I sweafogod, if I find myself single again"
In response to Reply # 5
Tue Feb-10-15 04:20 PM by John Forte

          

I'm never dating again. Just hookers and loneliness

  

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SoWhat
Charter member
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Tue Feb-10-15 04:19 PM

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11. "hello."
In response to Reply # 7


  

          

fuck you.

  

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RexLongfellow
Charter member
18296 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:26 PM

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27. "Basically...n/m"
In response to Reply # 7


  

          

  

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placee_22
Member since Sep 30th 2002
12954 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 12:40 PM

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190. "*gets in this line*"
In response to Reply # 7


  

          

  

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ConcreteCharlie
Member since Nov 21st 2002
71344 posts
Fri Feb-13-15 01:06 AM

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213. "grass is always greener, man."
In response to Reply # 7
Fri Feb-13-15 01:07 AM by ConcreteCharlie

  

          

hookers suck, especially if you live in the states. loneliness really sucks.

i think a better alternative is to go find some fun girls who pay for a lot of things with the same coin and have a roster of them. That's how I have been happiest and I got the game from my old neighbor who had a stable like that. He got married now and he is miserable. Even so, I sometimes wonder what marriage would be like and have thought about with a couple of these girls that got more serious ... until I came to my senses, of course.

And you will know MY JACKET IS GOLD when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

  

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astralblak
Member since Apr 05th 2007
20029 posts
Tue Feb-17-15 12:59 AM

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244. "JF we >.< bruh"
In response to Reply # 7


  

          

before I met my lady, dating was a horrible experience littered with SimplyHannah minds. I wanted to shoot myself

since the lady is damn near out the door... hookers and lonliness here I come, well does Tinder work for Black/Brown the way it does for whites? does it work for whites?

  

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imcvspl
Member since Mar 07th 2005
42169 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:24 PM

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21. "who says they ain't fuck on the first though... don't doubt god!!"
In response to Reply # 5


  

          


█▆▇▅▇█▇▆▄▁▃
Big PEMFin H & z's
"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1 thing, a musician." � Miles

"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."

  

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SoWhat
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Tue Feb-10-15 04:25 PM

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24. "look at God!"
In response to Reply # 21


  

          

if only rats had such needlessly complicated courting rituals replete w/bullshit double standards supported by downright juvenile justifications. the rat population would be significantly lower!

fuck you.

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:27 PM

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29. "LOL"
In response to Reply # 5


  

          

I have no idea why this is a thing, but it is.

  

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SoWhat
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35. "you'll get it."
In response to Reply # 29
Tue Feb-10-15 04:32 PM by SoWhat

  

          

ideally both ppl in the dating scheme want to pay for things b/c they genuinely like each other and want to do for each other and not b/c they feel obligated or are afraid of being seen as __ or __. it should be natural. it shouldn't be complicated. if it's complicated the ppl involved should definitely be talking about the complications.

i dated a guy who made lots more money. i let him know i wanted to pay sometimes (b/c i liked him and wanted to do it) but that i couldn't pay as much as he could and i feared he would think i was taking advantage. i put it right on the table and we addressed the issue. we worked it out.

fuck you.

  

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bonitaapplebaum71481
Member since Aug 04th 2003
22576 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 05:33 PM

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98. "^^^^^how you're supposed to do it"
In response to Reply # 35


  

          

some of these people ain't got no sense though


"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

www.twitter.com/bedstuybetty
http://bedstuybetty.tumblr.com/
DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

  

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lfresh
Member since Jun 18th 2002
92693 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 03:17 PM

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206. "YEP"
In response to Reply # 35


  

          

>ideally both ppl in the dating scheme want to pay for things
>b/c they genuinely like each other and want to do for each
>other and not b/c they feel obligated or are afraid of being
>seen as __ or __. it should be natural. it shouldn't be
>complicated. if it's complicated the ppl involved should
>definitely be talking about the complications.
>
>i dated a guy who made lots more money. i let him know i
>wanted to pay sometimes (b/c i liked him and wanted to do it)
>but that i couldn't pay as much as he could and i feared he
>would think i was taking advantage. i put it right on the
>table and we addressed the issue. we worked it out.


it really shouldn't be this hard
and once i sense it getting hard
i'm out

~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

  

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ShinobiShaw
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48533 posts
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49. "lol"
In response to Reply # 5


  

          

http://soundcloud.com/djshinobishaw
http://www.rareformnyc.com
http://twitter.com/DJShinobiShaw
https://twitter.com/RareFormNYC
PSN: ShinobiShaw

"Arm Leg Leg Arm How you doin?" (c)T510

  

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kayru99
Member since Jan 26th 2004
15819 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 01:06 PM

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191. "some folks can make it so so difficult sometimes"
In response to Reply # 5


          

  

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Case_One
Charter member
54687 posts
Fri Feb-13-15 12:42 PM

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225. "But this clearly an issue that you don't have to worry about. "
In response to Reply # 5


          


.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

  

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Novembersgift
Member since Oct 19th 2004
16972 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:20 PM

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13. "Why are we counting?"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

If you're counting, there's a problem off top.

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:31 PM

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36. "Some men do..."
In response to Reply # 13


  

          

:shrugs: and clearly for some after a certain time frame if you dont, its problem.

  

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Novembersgift
Member since Oct 19th 2004
16972 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:48 PM

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52. "Well they shouldn't"
In response to Reply # 36


  

          

I'm not saying it doesn't matter - when I'm dating or in a relationship there's always some give or take on who is paying. But there are determining factors, the least of which is how many dates we've been on thus far.

IMO, who pays is some balancing/weighing of:
1. who asked whom out (not determinant but highly influential)
2. what the activity is and how much it costs (you recommend dinner in a helicopter ride, I hope you got helicopter money)
3. each party's financial state (and whether they've made any hardships known to the other person)
4. special occasions (this is obvious - I just got a promotion, you're paying)
5. convenience (they only take cash and I'm the one with cash so I'm going to pay because, easier)
6. culture/belief (some men INSIST they get the bill even when you offer, to the point that offering is offensive to them)
THEN
6. how many times one person has gotten the bill vs. the other

  

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Triptych
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Tue Feb-10-15 04:55 PM

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60. "In reality like 90% of the time the dude pays."
In response to Reply # 52


  

          

.

____________________________

http://twitter.com/irefox
http://stackoverflow.com/users/43089/triptych
http://github.com/djtriptych

  

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Novembersgift
Member since Oct 19th 2004
16972 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:58 PM

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65. "Did you mean for that reply to go there?"
In response to Reply # 60


  

          

  

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isaaaa
Member since May 10th 2007
30565 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 05:47 PM

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105. "...."
In response to Reply # 65


          


Anti-gentrification, cheap alcohol & trying to look pretty in our twilight posting years (c) Big Reg


Get 25% off www.karmaloop.com w/ rep code JR9103 |
Nike, G-Star, Herschel, Adidas (Men's & Women's clothing)

  

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MiracleRic
Member since Oct 21st 2002
45200 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 09:46 AM

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170. "yea, i might swap a couple of those but it's sound"
In response to Reply # 52


  

          

Let me sport my Air Hyperbole 2010s in peace. (c) ansomble

Building repetoires (c) spm since 1983

  

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Starks dunked on Bulls
Member since Dec 07th 2011
12028 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 11:07 PM

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157. "Yeah thats corny"
In response to Reply # 13


  

          

>If you're counting, there's a problem off top.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69182 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:22 PM

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15. "on the 1st date... EQUALITY!!!"
In response to Reply # 0
Tue Feb-10-15 04:31 PM by legsdiamond

          

won't be a 2nd or 3rd date if she doesn't dig in her purse when that check comes.

I don't give a shit if the purse is empty or filled with wooden nickels.

DIG IN THERE N FAKE IT!!!

  

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GriftyMcgrift
Member since May 22nd 2002
20414 posts
Sat Feb-14-15 04:48 PM

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234. "Thats all im asking for is a reach. Is that so much to ask for?"
In response to Reply # 15
Sat Feb-14-15 04:48 PM by GriftyMcgrift

  

          

(c) costanza

  

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Government Name
Member since Dec 16th 2005
23189 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:23 PM

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18. "no clue. i never been on a date. "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

________
http://twitter.com/aehorton
http://instagram.com/aehorton

  

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John Forte
Member since Feb 22nd 2013
15330 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:29 PM

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33. "This is why arranged marriage isn't the worst thing in the world"
In response to Reply # 0


          

  

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SoWhat
Charter member
154163 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:32 PM

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38. "agreed."
In response to Reply # 33


  

          

fuck you.

  

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John Forte
Member since Feb 22nd 2013
15330 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:33 PM

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40. "I'm going to go home and kiss my wife for not playing those games"
In response to Reply # 38


          

SIKE! I'm not kissing my wife. I don;t like her in that way.

  

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SoWhat
Charter member
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Tue Feb-10-15 04:35 PM

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42. "plus she has to earn that kiss."
In response to Reply # 40


  

          

fuck you.

  

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astralblak
Member since Apr 05th 2007
20029 posts
Tue Feb-17-15 01:01 AM

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245. "lofl"
In response to Reply # 40


  

          

.

  

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lfresh
Member since Jun 18th 2002
92693 posts
Fri Feb-13-15 12:26 PM

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223. "i begin to agree"
In response to Reply # 33


  

          


~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

  

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Original Juice
Member since Oct 03rd 2007
2352 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:30 PM

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34. "Not a specific #"
In response to Reply # 0


          

but I think it would be nice if she paid or at least offered to pay if she was the one to initiate/invite/plan the date.

I would not expect it, though.

  

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JohnnyKilroy
Member since May 02nd 2012
930 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:46 PM

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50. "yellow."
In response to Reply # 0


          

i dont like empty gestures. her offering to pay on the first date, knowing i won't let her, and knowing she doesnt want to pay, doesnt let me know anything.

if after 5 dates she hasn't offered, then it's prolly not someone i want around. at least offer to leave the tip.

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:52 PM

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58. "this too."
In response to Reply # 50


  

          

It can be an empty gesture and an indicator or absolutely nothing.

  

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Teknontheou
Charter member
32471 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 04:48 PM

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51. "No hard and fast rule."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

I've dated women who clearly liked me alot. In those cases, for the most part, I don't mind paying just about all the time.

It's when her interest in me is really unclear, even after a bunch of dates/time, that I resent having to pay all the time.

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 05:01 PM

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68. "So what are some exact indicators of interest?"
In response to Reply # 51


  

          

Cause for some men, paying for a date is. I think otherwise.

  

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Teknontheou
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32471 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 05:07 PM

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75. "Emotionally open, invested flirting."
In response to Reply # 68


  

          

Her verbally telling you how much she likes you.

Her desire to communicate throughout the day.

Her doing things for you (cooking/cleaning/helping you with your work or school)

Physical stuff (anything from being touchy Feely all the way to sex)

Anything that involves her giving of herself in some way.

  

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MiracleRic
Member since Oct 21st 2002
45200 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 09:50 AM

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171. "u really don't think a woman paying for a date"
In response to Reply # 68


  

          

isn't a sign of interest?

unless she only does that for the niggas she can't wait to get rid of...it socially makes no sense for it not to be a good indication...

it shouldn't be the only...but yea...if a check stops me from grabbing my wallet...i'm thinking...

"damn, she likes me" or "damn, i must've been charming as fuck tonight" or "is this our last date?"

i would say sex is arguably only a slightly better indicator lol

Let me sport my Air Hyperbole 2010s in peace. (c) ansomble

Building repetoires (c) spm since 1983

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
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179. "If that's the case then a man spending money or paying for a date ="
In response to Reply # 171


  

          

Genuine interest or putting in work or whatever, which I don't think is necessarily true. Could be an indicator, could not be lol.

  

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Teknontheou
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193. "She doesn't "have to" pay, so it's way more meaningful coming from her."
In response to Reply # 179


  

          

The guy is supposed to pay, so it's not nearly as meaningful when he does it. It's like showing up ton work on time everyday. You get no extra points for thar.

  

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8-bit
Member since Jan 12th 2010
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53. "On the first date."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

---
http://twitter.com/logicalhood
http://instagram.com/hoodlogic

  

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bonitaapplebaum71481
Member since Aug 04th 2003
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54. "you should offer to pay every time..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

and mean it lol

I always let it be known if I'm out with ya, I'm willing to hold it down

but honestly just go dutch after a certain number of dates cuz keeping track can be a lil extra LOL



"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

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DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
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63. "ehhh Id just rather go out with my homegirls for all that"
In response to Reply # 54


  

          

and have a guaranteed good time.

Cause I already know the gesture wouldnt be sincere if we're in the early phases of talking or dating.

  

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bonitaapplebaum71481
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99. "date people you'd actually like to cover the bill for in a reciprocative..."
In response to Reply # 63


  

          

fashion?

saves on all kinds of unneeded awkwardness


"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

www.twitter.com/bedstuybetty
http://bedstuybetty.tumblr.com/
DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

  

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SimplyHannah
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123. "This works its someone that you already know "
In response to Reply # 99


  

          

But as far as it stemming from a cold holla, I have no way of knowing that.

  

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bonitaapplebaum71481
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127. "yah I'm not about that cold holla life"
In response to Reply # 123


  

          

too risky


"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

www.twitter.com/bedstuybetty
http://bedstuybetty.tumblr.com/
DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

  

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kayru99
Member since Jan 26th 2004
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192. "yup."
In response to Reply # 54


          

  

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now or never
Member since Oct 27th 2004
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55. "i live in LA."
In response to Reply # 0
Tue Feb-10-15 04:49 PM by now or never

  

          

i used to get mad.
like legit really pissed.
when i was like 23.
now, if i can't afford to pay for everything
i won't ask a brawd out.
niggas that's fighting for the other way need to give up.
and if you meet a chick who actually down to pay and aint salty about it?
fucking.
marry.
her.

-----
No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public. (c) HL Mencken or some other motherfucker.

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
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139. "Even if you hollared at shorty and invited her out"
In response to Reply # 55


  

          

You used to get mad about having to pay for everything? Lol

  

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now or never
Member since Oct 27th 2004
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152. "i was mad about the idea of it"
In response to Reply # 139


  

          

bc where I'm from and at the time I moved out here it wasn't just automatic
girls in nc always at least offered, even if they ain't mean it
just out of an unentitled courtesy
which in turn made me glad to pay
bc in my mind, she wasn't acting like me taking her out and giving her a nice time was her doing ME a favor

i don't give a shit anymore bc I'm old
but that shit had me salty as fuck at first


-----
No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public. (c) HL Mencken or some other motherfucker.

  

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ShinobiShaw
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56. "SoWhat is right, how can we reap the rewards of gay dating"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

without the physical aspect for the hetereo bro's. Think about it. You got a guy who is cool. You guys like the same stuff. You think heading to a football or basketball game is a great time. You both like video games. You don't care if the other person is pushing a later model car. In fact you bond over the tuning up the other has done on their car. You split the check cause that is what bro's do. You guys might as well date! Get yourself a gay friend or another hetero friend whom you would date and have at it. No touchy involved but you can look at my dick.

http://soundcloud.com/djshinobishaw
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PSN: ShinobiShaw

"Arm Leg Leg Arm How you doin?" (c)T510

  

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SoWhat
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59. "LOL"
In response to Reply # 56


  

          

it ain't like we don't have our own struggles. but reading stuff like this - it's like, why is this so complicated?

y'all both like each other. you want to keep seeing each other. but there's all of these abstract rules that were developed w/o consideration of either of you or your relationship that get in the way of y'all's happiness. or, they can at least. ideally the rules don't interfere but instead facilitate a healthy relationship. but too often they just create blockage. for no good reason.

fuck you.

  

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spades
Member since Mar 22nd 2006
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194. "A LOT of that bs falls away as you get older tho."
In response to Reply # 59


  

          

Most of this silliness is #youngfolksproblems, as is indicated by the poster.

********************************
http://www.last.fm/user/Nspades

Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt
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"The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion" - Paulo Coehlo

  

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Inkosi
Member since Nov 19th 2002
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Tue Feb-10-15 04:56 PM

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61. "I don't know about a certain number"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

but I couldn't mess with a youngin who never pays or offers to pay. Hell, she got to put in some work too.

---------------------------------
Do it girl

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
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Tue Feb-10-15 04:59 PM

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66. "Paying is putting in work?"
In response to Reply # 61


  

          

Interesting.

  

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Teknontheou
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69. "Please don't say you think your mere presence"
In response to Reply # 66


  

          

is putting in work.

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
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Tue Feb-10-15 05:12 PM

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81. "Im asking lol"
In response to Reply # 69


  

          

I cant ask a question?

A man can spend hella money on you and still not care or be genuinely interested. So I dont think spending money necessarily equates to putting in work.

So its interesting to see some ppl in here equate her spending money on a date to genuine interest or " putting in work " for lack of better words.

  

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Inkosi
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77. "It's part of it. "
In response to Reply # 66


  

          

Of course it depends on her economic situation, but if she's able then yeah it's part of the putting in work process. For me, folks have to reciprocate effort.

---------------------------------
Do it girl

  

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SoWhat
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67. "there's no reason for it to be a dealbreaker."
In response to Reply # 61


  

          

that can be talked out. maybe.

fuck you.

  

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Inkosi
Member since Nov 19th 2002
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85. "I can kind of go with that."
In response to Reply # 67


  

          

I guess one has to take into account individual circumstances, but if she's able and just won't, that's just selfish, and I don't fool with selfish folks.

---------------------------------
Do it girl

  

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Overqualified
Member since May 03rd 2006
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Tue Feb-10-15 05:06 PM

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72. "As long as he initiates, but some "yummy yummy" chicks will take advanta..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

after he's paid for a while, setting the scene and dropping hints for meals or entertainment when they're bored.

"I'm hungry. Don't you want some (xyz restaurant or cuisine)??"

"Oooh, we should (take a trip, see a show, fill in the blank) Don't you want to do that??"

Your idea. You pay.

Streets won't let me chill.

  

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Teknontheou
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76. "Yeah, I've fallen into that trap before."
In response to Reply # 72


  

          

  

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SoWhat
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Tue Feb-10-15 05:11 PM

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80. "talk about it."
In response to Reply # 72


  

          

communicate.

'Yeah, I'd love to go to __. But I'm feeling a little used - this is my own feeling based on my history, our history and stuff I hear. I am fine w/paying for us to go to __ but first I want to alleviate this concern about being taken advantage. Can we talk about it?'

^ or som'n like that. talk it out. w/her.

fuck you.

  

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Teknontheou
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83. "Problem is, that conversation will often go sideways quick."
In response to Reply # 80


  

          

Alot of women, good, decent, awesome women, will feel offended and affronted if a dude tries to force that convo on them, on some "how dare you!" type stuff. They've been taught that they're entitled to be taken out most of the time and that any man who has a problem with that is a bum.

  

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Overqualified
Member since May 03rd 2006
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Tue Feb-10-15 05:15 PM

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84. "Thanks for this. "
In response to Reply # 83
Tue Feb-10-15 05:18 PM by Overqualified

  

          

There's some things you have to finesse, especially if you haven't hit yet. It can get tricky.

Streets won't let me chill.

  

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SoWhat
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Tue Feb-10-15 05:21 PM

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89. "trial and error."
In response to Reply # 84


  

          

it's patently ridiculous to date someone, have a strong feeling about a serious issue but not communicate it out of fear.

i mean, that's what life is...ppl do that shit all the time. and it's patently ridiculous.

communication is key to a healthy relationship. if y'all can't talk about this issue early on in the relationship* then it was likely doomed from the start* and it's best that it blew up early.

*...only death kills marriages more than money issues.

fuck you.

  

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SoWhat
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Tue Feb-10-15 05:19 PM

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87. "then fuck that bitch."
In response to Reply # 83


  

          

if she can't talk about her feelings like an adult then she's not ready to date like an adult.

fuck you.

  

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Overqualified
Member since May 03rd 2006
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Tue Feb-10-15 05:20 PM

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88. "If it were only that easy. Women's moral high ground is a motherfucker."
In response to Reply # 87


  

          

Streets won't let me chill.

  

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SoWhat
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Tue Feb-10-15 05:22 PM

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90. "so it's better to date them, develop resentment"
In response to Reply # 88


  

          

not talk about it and then act out in ways that will harm the relationship later?

sure. that makes lots of sense.

fuck you.

  

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select_from_where
Member since Jan 03rd 2011
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Tue Feb-10-15 07:00 PM

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126. "societial pressure initially prohibits men from critisizing women bro"
In response to Reply # 90
Tue Feb-10-15 07:00 PM by select_from_where

  

          

Ive definately felt it, you want to bring up a serious topic that involves your worry about her actions and the first reaponse you get is: soooo are you saying im a bad a,b,c. Its a horrible outcome because you will never recover, and she will bring that shit up every time you make a mistake

If you were a Woman you would love that setup, the power to auto-veto anything your man says because you dont like it

  

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SoWhat
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128. "then dont date those bitches."
In response to Reply # 126


  

          

What you said is not true of all women. If you are mature enough to properly address an issue that troubles you in your relationship and she is not mature enough to discuss it when she's ready then kick her to the curb. And find someone without the same issue or one who can communicate like a grown up.

fuck you.

  

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Overqualified
Member since May 03rd 2006
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Tue Feb-10-15 08:26 PM

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134. "RE: then dont date those bitches."
In response to Reply # 128
Tue Feb-10-15 08:27 PM by Overqualified

  

          

>What you said is not true of all women.

But it's true of the women you're trying to get pussy from.

Streets won't let me chill.

  

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SoWhat
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136. "k."
In response to Reply # 134


  

          

fuck you.

  

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Overqualified
Member since May 03rd 2006
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Tue Feb-10-15 09:19 PM

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141. "Bruh, do you understand the concept of "talking yourself out some pussy"..."
In response to Reply # 136


  

          

Streets won't let me chill.

  

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SoWhat
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143. "lulzephees, bro."
In response to Reply # 141


  

          

i understand. a man has to be willing to put up w/anything as long as he's getting pussy. b/c pussy is such a precious natural resource that when a man finds a woman who is willing to offer him some he's gotta do anything to keep it. i mean, her. well, no i don't b/c the pussy is what's important and not her. so as long as she's giving up the pussy he should just take whatever she dishes out. if he's got a serious concern w/some aspect of her behavior he can't say anything about it b/c she's a woman which means she's illogical and unable to reason or listen. she's basically a monster but the monster controls that pussy so he has to deal w/her. it's why women run the world - they're monsters who control pussy which is that oh so precious and rare resource.

so yeah. i hadn't remembered all of that earlier - how awful women are but how great pussy is. so yeah, just ignore whatever as long as you're getting pussy. b/c women are awful monsters but they have that pussy.

right on, bro.

fuck you.

  

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imcvspl
Member since Mar 07th 2005
42169 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 10:30 PM

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149. "problem is you're more focused on the pussy than yourself or her"
In response to Reply # 141


  

          


█▆▇▅▇█▇▆▄▁▃
Big PEMFin H & z's
"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1 thing, a musician." � Miles

"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."

  

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spades
Member since Mar 22nd 2006
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Wed Feb-11-15 01:33 PM

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195. "Not only that but..."
In response to Reply # 83


  

          

>Alot of women, good, decent, awesome women, will feel
>offended and affronted if a dude tries to force that convo on
>them, on some "how dare you!" type stuff. They've been taught
>that they're entitled to be taken out most of the time and
>that any man who has a problem with that is a bum.

Western society ESPECIALLY in the US has taught them that we don't really have feelings. Only Ego and Libido - therefore ANY foreway into "I'm feeling....." is almost always a road towards destruction.

********************************
http://www.last.fm/user/Nspades

Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt
www.wickedradionetwork.com

"The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion" - Paulo Coehlo

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
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Tue Feb-10-15 05:29 PM

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96. "whoever invites should offer to pay."
In response to Reply # 72


  

          

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
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Wed Feb-11-15 02:39 AM

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166. "also, these types of chicks are lame"
In response to Reply # 72


  

          

>after he's paid for a while, setting the scene and dropping
>hints for meals or entertainment when they're bored.
>
>"I'm hungry. Don't you want some (xyz restaurant or
>cuisine)??"
>
>"Oooh, we should (take a trip, see a show, fill in the blank)
>Don't you want to do that??"

  

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Chanson
Member since Nov 09th 2004
15000 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 05:06 PM

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74. "She should pay BEFORE the 1st date"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Since he asked her out he needs a down payment for the time he has reserved in his schedule for the date.

It's a securiy deposit in case she flakes out.

mind
--------
matter

  

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Ashy Achilles
Member since Sep 22nd 2005
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Wed Feb-11-15 02:16 PM

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199. "lol"
In response to Reply # 74


          

  

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Novembersgift
Member since Oct 19th 2004
16972 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 05:09 PM

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79. "You just need to know who you're dating. "
In response to Reply # 0
Tue Feb-10-15 05:10 PM by Novembersgift

  

          

Like I said before, some men are insistent on never letting a woman pay. I know some women who would never even reach for the check, not even a pump fake. That's how they were raised like that's the proper way to court and be courted. If you're one of those people, don't go out with NOT one of those people. That's first of all.

Being honest... I like a man to pay because I like to keep my money. It'd be the same if I was dating a woman tho. Doesn't everyone like to keep their money in their own wallet? Anyway, it's not his gender or some "rules" about dating that makes me think his ROLE is to pay. But my personal politics override that innate penny pinching and won't allow someone else to do all the lifting. So I end up splitting or offering something (get the drinks, tip). I've covered the bill on plenty of dates and carried a few relationships financially because I was the higher earner and it made sense.

Don't date a bathroom attendant and expect him/her to meet you covering dates while you ball out on your executive salary. That's another thing.

I don't see why this is complicated. Counting. Hmph. I wish a dude would be like "welp, it's date #2. your turn."

edited to add that I don't even accept dates if I can't pay for at least myself. I'll say "that sounds nice but I can't afford to go out right now." Most times, guys will say they've got it because they want to go out. but shit, if neither of us got it we should go do some free shit.

  

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SoWhat
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Tue Feb-10-15 05:13 PM

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82. "and he needs to know too."
In response to Reply # 79


  

          

if she doesn't ever like to pay then she can talk about it str8 up. she can explain how she feels and why. then she can find out where he falls on that issue.

talking. it's the main point of dating.

fuck you.

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 05:23 PM

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91. "I agree, BUT"
In response to Reply # 82


  

          

Let me get this straight.

You agree that a chick who was raised to be courted should be straight up honest and upfront about it with the person that shes dating, but a trans chick shouldn't have to be straight up honest and upfront and disclose that she was born a male to the person that shes dating?

  

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SoWhat
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Tue Feb-10-15 05:26 PM

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93. "yup."
In response to Reply # 91


  

          

>Let me get this straight.
>
>You agree that a chick who was raised to be courted should be
>straight up honest and upfront about it with the person that
>shes dating, but a trans chick shouldn't have to be straight
>up honest and upfront and disclose that she was born a male
>to the person that shes dating?

yup.

a transwoman shouldn't ********************************************************************************************NECESSARILY************************************************************* disclose her trans status to a guy she's seeing right away. b/c of the risk of harm to herself.

if ciswomen or transwomen who live on a pedestal faced as great a risk of bodily harm from ppl they date b/c they won't ever pay for a date then i might advise them to w/hold the info a bit too. but since the risks are so different it makes perfect sense that i take the stances i do and your question is clearly dishonest and ridiculous.

fuck you.

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 05:28 PM

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95. "I dont quite understand that"
In response to Reply # 93


  

          

I think everyone should have to be honest about who they are upfront. Thats fair.

  

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SoWhat
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Tue Feb-10-15 05:36 PM

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100. "and that's great."
In response to Reply # 95


  

          

this money thing is totally different and the trans thing has no point here. but i'll go into it.

blanket honesty in any relationship is not required or desirable. we all lie to each other regularly usually about little things. it's fine. we all w/hold truth until we feel comfortable disclosing. it's fine. it's life.

the transwomen issue is pretty unique b/c of the risks involved.

again...the transwomen ________MIGHT________ want to consider not disclosing the trans issue right away b/c she may want the person she's dating to get to know things about her other than her trans status so that when she presents the info there's more context. the fear is that once the person hears 'trans' that fact will dominate everything. it may be better to present that fact a little later. how many dates in? there's no number. it's about a feeling - it's about when she feels comfortable disclosing based on how their interactions have been. if she feels comfortable 15 minutes after meeting the person, maybe she can disclose then. if it takes a few days...weeks...months. she should do it when she's comfortable. maybe she's never comfortable. maybe she shouldn't date that person then. or they should remain very casual.


pedestal princesses who never want to pay for dates should probably talk about that issue when they feel ready. maybe they never feel like it needs to be addressed. b/c the guy they date is a white knight who loves saving damsels and princeses. maybe he's a regular guy who expects to pay all the time and never wants his woman to pay. so the 2 are a great fit on this issue and it never needs to be addressed. awesome. but if there's any kind of bad feeling about the issue on either side then it should be talked about. b/c otherwise it will fester and become resentment and will likely become bad behavior that can cause trouble for the relationship.

fuck you.

  

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J_Stew
Member since Jul 06th 2002
22363 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 05:44 PM

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103. "i guess she doesnt understand the consequence for one"
In response to Reply # 100


          

may be murder, and the other may be a guy saying "ehhh, no thanks, that's too much for me"

  

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SoWhat
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106. "that plus ppl love to play 'Gotcha!'"
In response to Reply # 103


  

          

when they think we've made contradictory statements.

fuck you.

  

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J_Stew
Member since Jul 06th 2002
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Tue Feb-10-15 05:52 PM

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109. "and that was a horrific false equivalency, like Fox News level"
In response to Reply # 106


          

  

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SoWhat
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110. "it was."
In response to Reply # 109


  

          

but then i can kinda see the point - but, again, the risks are what make the major difference.

it's one thing to reasonably fear that the lover will break up the relationship due to a conversation. it's another to reasonably fear the lover may physically harm you due to a conversation.

when the latter fear is at issue then the disclosure/conversation should probably be handled w/more care and consideration and thought than when the former fear is at issue. and that's why i'm fine w/transppl w/holding info about their trans status until they feel ready to disclose. even if that means being physically intimate before the disclosure. though being intimate w/o disclosure can definitely complicate everything. that's gotta be considered in the calculus. maybe the transperson should decline physical intimacy until disclosing. but maybe not. no hard/fast rule.

fuck you.

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
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Tue Feb-10-15 06:00 PM

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112. "so who should the exception be extended to?"
In response to Reply # 103


  

          

This goes to sowhat as well.

Just transgender women? People with HIV? People having extramarital affairs? Who? Why do we have to use a possible consequence severity scale to decide who should have to be honest about themselves and who shouldnt? Either be cool with everyone withholding information or no one at all.

  

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J_Stew
Member since Jul 06th 2002
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Tue Feb-10-15 06:05 PM

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114. "the answer to most of life's questions aren't black and white"
In response to Reply # 112


          

the correct answer most of the time is "it depends"

  

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SoWhat
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119. "yup"
In response to Reply # 114


  

          

fuck you.

  

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SoWhat
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118. "You want rules."
In response to Reply # 112


  

          

1. Got an issue in your relationship that's eating away at you? You MUST talk about it with your lover.

2. You must discuss it when you are comfortable having considered all of the risks involved.

3. You MUST terminate the relationship if you are convinced you will not ever be ready to discuss the issue.

4. If your lover initiates the discussion about this serious issue you MUST participate in the discussion when you are comfortable doing so having considered all of the risks involved. If you are never comfortable then you MUST terminate the relationship.

There.

>Just transgender women? People with HIV? People having
>extramarital affairs? Who? Why do we have to use a possible
>consequence severity scale to decide who should have to be
>honest about themselves and who shouldnt? Either be cool with
>everyone withholding information or no one at all.
>
>

fuck you.

  

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ChiBrownSkinLady
Member since Nov 14th 2002
30211 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 05:52 PM

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107. "Basically."
In response to Reply # 79


  

          

Some men, despite your respective financial situations, will insist on paying. And others will insist you go dutch even if he's a baller and you're a student.

But most of my dating experiences lean in the direction of the guys paying for the lion's share of the dates. Which I don't really mind, because that's kinda how my parents raised me. But I'm also big on buying gifts and stuff I think my partner will enjoy, and I'm not above paying if he doesn't have it and I still wanna go out with him.

Then again, I don't tend to date for sport. If I'm feeling lukewarm about a dude, I'll usually decline the offer to go out, cuz I'm not that pressed for male company.

Ultimately I'm not really a tit-for-tat kinda gal, be it with family, friends or romance. But hopefully those types gravitate to each other because that kinda mindset is a dealbreaker if he's doing that kind of accounting on our relationship.

__________________________

Just tryna do the best that I can with what it is I have...

  

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fontgangsta
Member since Sep 04th 2005
5330 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 05:19 PM

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86. "if i don't get a reach on the 3rd date I'm not taking her seriously"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
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Tue Feb-10-15 05:24 PM

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92. "why?"
In response to Reply # 86


  

          

  

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fontgangsta
Member since Sep 04th 2005
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Tue Feb-10-15 05:37 PM

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101. "if she doesn't at least reach for the check on date 3"
In response to Reply # 92


  

          

it signals a larger problem

either she's broke
or she just expects the man to take care of everything as a rule
or she's taking advantage
or she's not interested in creating a PARTNERSHIP - she only wants HER needs met

depending on the situation, i might not even let her start paying for anything by date 3
but i do expect the reach by then

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
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Tue Feb-10-15 09:40 PM

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144. "if he exepects me to at least reach for the check on date 3"
In response to Reply # 101


  

          

It signals a larger problem

either he's broke
or he just expects the woman to take care of everything because he has trust issues.
or he's cheap
or he's not interested in courting me seriously, b/c he's playing games and trying to decide whether im a freeloader or not

  

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fontgangsta
Member since Sep 04th 2005
5330 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 10:21 PM

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147. "for reals?"
In response to Reply # 144


  

          

>either he's broke
hes broke when this is the 3rd date that hes paying for? ok.

>or he just expects the woman to take care of everything
he expects the woman to take care of everything when this is the 3rd date hes paying for? ok.

>because he has trust issues.
dont know what this has to do with anything, but...ok.

>or he's cheap
hes cheap when this is the 3rd date hes paying for? ok.

>or he's not interested in courting me seriously
how long do you expect to have everything paid for when someone is courting you?

just a shot in the dark - you're single as fuck, huh?

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
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Tue Feb-10-15 10:29 PM

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148. "Nah I just made assumptions about his charactar based off of...."
In response to Reply # 147


  

          

Willingness to pay or not pay, like you did.

Lastly all of my current prospects pay and have no problem with it. Luckily I haven't had the displeasure of running into these types of " I pay/you pay " keeping tabs ass niggas and im glad for that.

  

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fontgangsta
Member since Sep 04th 2005
5330 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 10:59 PM

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155. "assumptions nothing"
In response to Reply # 148


  

          

if shes not reaching by date 3, one of the things i said was true, OR she's not interested dating in ME, she just want to be taken out

and "current prospects" = single.
i figured.

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
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Wed Feb-11-15 02:18 AM

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163. "No not really "
In response to Reply # 155


  

          

It dosent really say anything at all, except that she didn't pay for the date that you invited her on.

Lastly, me being single dosent take away from anything that I've said, nor does it add any validity to anything that you've said so im not even sure what point you were trying to make with that. Probably because there really wasn't a point, just an opportunity to take what you THOUGHT was a cheap shot. If I wanted a boyfriend tomorrow, guess what? I'd have one. Also, every relationship that Ive been in has been long term, and guess what? They paid, and it was never a problem. But like I said above I've just been lucky enough not to run into petty men that are super pressed over things like this, and I'm glad for that.

  

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J_Stew
Member since Jul 06th 2002
22363 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 05:32 PM

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97. "some women are feminists until it comes to dating"
In response to Reply # 0


          

I'm a feminist all the time

  

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RexLongfellow
Charter member
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Tue Feb-10-15 11:14 PM

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158. "LOL...Basically"
In response to Reply # 97


  

          

Everyone wants equality until the check comes

  

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southphillyman
Member since Oct 22nd 2003
90059 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 05:45 PM

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104. "who ever initiates should pay"
In response to Reply # 0
Tue Feb-10-15 05:51 PM by southphillyman

  

          

i don't see how anyone could have a problem with that
i'd be willing to go with the guy paying for date 1 always just out of tradition
after that who ever is the one pressed to be seen again should pay
i think that's fair

once had a situation where a chick KEPT asking me out on dates
and KEPT sitting there looking stupid when the check came
the quality and frequency of the dates plummeted
she basically became a happy hour ONLY date, otherwise i had 101 excuses
eventually i got what i wanted then the dates ceased completely
didn't have to be that way, but her attitude turned me off so much it turned into me waiting to get a return on my investment kind of deal since i no longer had real interest
just be fair

edit: and guys need to get over being called cheap/broke. if a chick thinks you paying for everything while dating is attractive....you probably don't want her anyway

~~~~~~

  

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caramelapplebttms
Member since Mar 09th 2004
3152 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 06:01 PM

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113. "1st date, I offer dutch. If he accepts, no 2nd date. "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

This process weeds out the aint-shitnicks quickly.

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 06:33 PM

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122. "Him cool with going dutch indicates what?"
In response to Reply # 113


  

          

  

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illegal
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Tue Feb-10-15 07:12 PM

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129. "oh cmon that's a little goofy."
In response to Reply # 113


          

***
when I come around, they frown
then wanna dap me down
but when I leave?

  

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kaiba.
Member since Feb 22nd 2014
84 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 08:16 PM

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132. "RE: 1st date, I offer dutch. If he accepts, no 2nd date. "
In response to Reply # 113


          

WTF?!?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4F4qzPbcFiA

at war with the stylistics

  

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MiracleRic
Member since Oct 21st 2002
45200 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 09:59 AM

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177. "this is pretty silly, lol"
In response to Reply # 113


  

          

i mean i get it...

but let's make the complicated even more complicated...

let's add one more game within a game

Let me sport my Air Hyperbole 2010s in peace. (c) ansomble

Building repetoires (c) spm since 1983

  

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spades
Member since Mar 22nd 2006
42226 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 01:39 PM

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196. "^"
In response to Reply # 177


  

          

********************************
http://www.last.fm/user/Nspades

Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt
www.wickedradionetwork.com

"The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion" - Paulo Coehlo

  

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tomjohn29
Member since Oct 18th 2004
16525 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 06:11 PM

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115. "i slid my wife a kiss and a butt grab after reading this post"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

let me finish cooking these bacon and brussel sprouts

______________________________________

Navem nu, cuando sol
Tutu nu, vondo nos nu
Vita em, no continous non
Nos nu ekta nos sepe ta, amen

When the sun shades the ship
We sweat and life is not safe
To swim or to touch not
When we unite we hedge amen

  

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J_Stew
Member since Jul 06th 2002
22363 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 06:30 PM

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120. "my brussel sprout game is on point"
In response to Reply # 115


          

i halve them, then sautee/brown them in coconut oil, add some olive oil, balsamic vinegar and garlic, then do some apple or cherrywood bacon cut up into small bits, then add a couple of fried eggs and mix it all together. i could live on that shit

  

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illegal
Charter member
78381 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 06:31 PM

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121. "I don't care. "
In response to Reply # 0


          

***
when I come around, they frown
then wanna dap me down
but when I leave?

  

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Crash Bandacoot
Member since May 13th 2003
9887 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 06:37 PM

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124. "i don't know but, the dudes that i know"
In response to Reply # 0
Tue Feb-10-15 06:51 PM by Crash Bandacoot

          

don't make money an issue. they pay like it's nothing so, the
question of whether or not i should pay is never an issue/concern.

and if they were in a bind, i would pay but, i think it should
be discussed before we meet up.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
instagram:
http://instagram.com/0kayndc

"There is much temptation to use what has worked before,
even when it may exceed its effective scope."

"Roll me further bitch"

  

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ambient1
Member since May 23rd 2007
41077 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 07:28 PM

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130. "2 or 3....and I prolly still wouldn't accept the offer"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

=======================================
Coolin...

  

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BrooklynWHAT
Member since Jun 15th 2007
80915 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 09:07 PM

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138. "after 2 generally. we gotta be more willing as a gender to cut bait"
In response to Reply # 0
Tue Feb-10-15 09:09 PM by BrooklynWHAT

  

          

cause a lot of these chicks aint worth a fraction of the effort.

w/ most chicks after 2 dates i'm expecting you to come up w/ a date idea and the money for it. i can't always be the brain and the bank. sometimes a nigga just want to be the guest for the day. *yeshrug*

<--- Big Baller World Order

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 09:27 PM

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142. "If she's not worth the effort then you shouldnt be dating her "
In response to Reply # 138


  

          

Or be upfront about your " on the fence " - ness that way everybody is on the same page.

  

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BrooklynWHAT
Member since Jun 15th 2007
80915 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 10:14 PM

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146. "it's levels to it."
In response to Reply # 142


  

          

<--- Big Baller World Order

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 02:29 AM

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165. "No its called honesty, you should try it out sometime."
In response to Reply # 146


  

          

  

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imcvspl
Member since Mar 07th 2005
42169 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 10:31 PM

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150. "if he's worth it you should take him out n/m"
In response to Reply # 142


  

          


█▆▇▅▇█▇▆▄▁▃
Big PEMFin H & z's
"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1 thing, a musician." � Miles

"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."

  

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MiracleRic
Member since Oct 21st 2002
45200 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 10:13 AM

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180. "yea, it's "whoever initiates it" rule is bogus"
In response to Reply # 138


  

          

when the whole system is we initiate it all the time until...shit...damn near engaged...

on average...every chick i ever dated probably didn't "initiate" a date until it was clear we were an item

so that rule is really funky

i'm with SoWhat on this...even though it's hard and you will cheat yourself outta some pussy now and again...we have to be more honest about this shit

i spent most of my dating broke as fuck...and still didn't expect chicks to pay...i guess i did learn to be more honest about that fact as i got older and got creatively cheap in some areas

i resent it after the fact rather than in the moment though so it's tricky

cause girls will have minimal interest in you...you will have interest in them...and even some decent girls won't give 2 fucks about how many dates you have been on or whether or not they met you working at a shitty bar lol

people are self-interested...

when i was a broke boy...i would invite chicks for drinks or coffee...and if i was just chasing pussy...i would barely even do that...u get an invite to a get together or my shitty apartment lol

but we as dudes definitely gotta be more honest on where we stand on that...bc most of the women i dated were way further along in their careers than me...

offering to pay (genuinely) definitely shows me you aren't there for the free food, you would like to go on another date

the games we structure into this shit makes everything so adverserial...i gotta slay a dragon for some pussy...and win a joust with some other nigga with a better horse to court you...

and if most of your dates are completely cold hollers...u doing something wrong...if you going on dates just cause somebody asked and they didn't repulse you...yea, might wanna revise that a bit

the feeling of entitlement and our pressed for pussy acquiescence is just all the way problematic

don't believe in casual sex...cool,thanks for letting me know...i'd revise level of investment and attention or just cease pursuing depending on what my needs and expectations are...

but women act like they can't even call you to initiate shit and it's already been a month worth of dates...just kinda ridiculous

Let me sport my Air Hyperbole 2010s in peace. (c) ansomble

Building repetoires (c) spm since 1983

  

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decaturpsalm
Member since Apr 24th 2005
19268 posts
Fri Feb-13-15 09:43 AM

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217. "speak it on bruh"
In response to Reply # 180


  

          

_______________________________________
touched like midas these bitch ass niggas they study and bite us.

  

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Starks dunked on Bulls
Member since Dec 07th 2011
12028 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 11:05 PM

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156. "I don't care"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

  

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BabyYoda
Member since Feb 15th 2012
3176 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 01:09 AM

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160. "Don't care about an "offer"."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

>After how many dates do you expect her to pay?

I don't expect a woman to pay for me. I believe in keeping my level of expectations within reason depending on what level of rapport I have with a woman. However, I don't want a woman to "offer" to pay. Either pay or not. Be direct and decissive. Games are not necessary.

>If she dosent offer to pay do you feel some type of way?

No. But, if she expects me to break a lot of bread on the first date, then I will be a lil concerned about her intentions with me.

>
>Is dutch a real thing on "dates" our here? Lol

It is real for those who want a non traditional date. It works for some people while traditional dates works for others.

I don't think dudes mind paying, if the woman is good company as well as attractive, interesting and is displaying encouraging levels of cooperation. Some dudes may want to keep the expenses modest while some may slurge. In all, if the cooperation isn't to his satisfaction, then there may not be subsequent dinner dates, if any.

I say go with your heart. If you don't wanna pay, then don't pay. I just hope you keep your expectations reasonable to what you are willing to contribute to the date.

  

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justin_scott
Charter member
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Wed Feb-11-15 02:10 AM

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162. "what the hell is dutch?"
In response to Reply # 0


          

.

************************************************************

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 02:21 AM

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164. "Half and half, or each party pays for their own."
In response to Reply # 162


  

          

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
12715 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 09:53 AM

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174. "^^^^ white "
In response to Reply # 162


          

  

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FILF
Member since Jun 01st 2007
20180 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 03:28 AM

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167. "Cook & go on a picnic or some low budget shyt "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

FOH w/ 40 dollar steak & 15 dollar drinks just b/c it's served at XYZ restaurant. After the 1st date the only place we're going to is the kitchen so fire up the George Foreman Grill while I count my savings.

Also, we're eating BEFORE going to the movies & purchasing matinee price tickets....why in the fuck am I paying 8 dollars for a 99cent popcorn along w/ paying double to watch the same fuckin' movie after 6pm?

Show me your skills & creativity.....otherwise might as well fuck a zombie's pussy.

**If you can't cook then you ain't worthy long term investment anyways.....swinging for the fence on the 1st date & then it's a wrap unless they're giving it up for free**

WHAT'S GOOD *****? What's REALLY good?!?!????!!! Ha HA!
http://40.media.tumblr.com/d8e2daf9f3f37244cd05436bcdf05973/tumblr_mt4qibKq4c1rgam01o1_1280.png

  

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Garhart Poppwell
Member since Nov 28th 2008
17929 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 06:34 AM

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168. "I expect to pay for dates I initiate, and she should do the same"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

It's amazing how hard some of us make things, it's really common sense. If you don't have money to go out, offer an alternative or stay home until you can. Anybody that doesn't understand the thought behind that concept probably isn't for me anyway, and there's nothing in return I can do for them if we can't come to a mutual understanding.

__________________________________________
CHOP-THESE-BITCHES!!!!
------------------------------------
Garhart Ivanhoe Poppwell
Un-OK'd moderator for The Lesson and Make The Music (yes, I do's work up in here, and in your asscrease if you run foul of this

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
12715 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 09:50 AM

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172. "ppl who have all kinds of dumbass rules and techniques... "
In response to Reply # 0


          

and game plans about this deserve to be single...

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69182 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 09:57 AM

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175. "don't worry, they are all single"
In response to Reply # 172


          

  

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SoWhat
Charter member
154163 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 10:18 AM

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182. "yup."
In response to Reply # 172


  

          

LOL

fuck you.

  

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NikaMandela
Charter member
35228 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 12:09 PM

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184. "i dont like paying for ANY dates"
In response to Reply # 0


          

i prefer to reciprocate in other ways like cooking dinner, buying drinks and gifts

im pretty sure i spend just as much money on the men i date as they spend on me. if not more.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69182 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 12:23 PM

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185. "no one LIKES paying"
In response to Reply # 184


          

  

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NikaMandela
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35228 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 12:30 PM

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186. "really? because i like doing things for people."
In response to Reply # 185


          

i like buying gifts, making dinner for a guy, etc.

if i was a guy, i would like paying for dates.

shit, i like treating my friends when we go out.

  

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SoWhat
Charter member
154163 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 12:31 PM

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187. "why do you have to be a guy to like paying for dates?"
In response to Reply # 186
Wed Feb-11-15 12:31 PM by SoWhat

  

          

especially since as a woman you currently like doing things for ppl. you even like treating your friends.

paying for a date i doing something for a person. paying for a date is treating a person you like.

what gives?

fuck you.

  

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NikaMandela
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Wed Feb-11-15 12:36 PM

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188. "because i like gender roles."
In response to Reply # 187
Wed Feb-11-15 12:36 PM by NikaMandela

          

and i like men that like gender roles.

not that i think everyone should go by them, but i like them for myself.

  

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SoWhat
Charter member
154163 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 12:36 PM

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189. "fine."
In response to Reply # 188


  

          

fuck you.

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 04:15 PM

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211. "this too"
In response to Reply # 188


  

          

Oddly enough ppl will accept certain gender roles but then reject others. Like men who want a " traditional " woman that cooks, cleans, maintains the domestic aspects of the household and caters to them but then don't want the provider role.

Moral of the story most ppl only like gender roles when it benefits them.

  

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ConcreteCharlie
Member since Nov 21st 2002
71344 posts
Fri Feb-13-15 01:08 AM

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214. "why though? you do realize you're being selective"
In response to Reply # 188


  

          

because there was a time when "gender roles" woulda had your ass with no job, barefoot, pregnant and probably black-eyed.

let's not celebrate them too too much.

And you will know MY JACKET IS GOLD when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

  

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NikaMandela
Charter member
35228 posts
Fri Feb-13-15 01:58 AM

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216. "gender roles do not have to be an expression of patriarchal oppression"
In response to Reply # 214


          

nor do they have to give one person power over another.

  

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ConcreteCharlie
Member since Nov 21st 2002
71344 posts
Fri Feb-13-15 12:15 PM

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222. "and yet they are often one or both of those things"
In response to Reply # 216


  

          

so i am asking you what you like about them and how you choose which ones to emphasize or ignore. no snark.

And you will know MY JACKET IS GOLD when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

  

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NikaMandela
Charter member
35228 posts
Fri Feb-13-15 02:38 PM

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227. "i like them because they feel natural to me"
In response to Reply # 222


          

i like doing traditional feminine tasks. and its not that i'm dainty and helpless, but i like being taken care of, and i like to take care of a man in the traditional feminine way of doing so.

i dont think its a matter of picking and choosing which "rules" to ignore...its moreso about creating a system that is BASED on those roles but is flexible according to my and my potential partner's natural strengths and weaknesses.

its also about balance and reciprocity. which is why i like men that are as masculine as i am feminine. if i spend two or three times the hours/money to prepare for a date as my man, and we go dutch or i pay, how is that balanced? if i spend the same amount of time/money as him, then it makes more sense. of course there are plenty of men who don't mind if a woman isnt dolled up for a date, but i generally dont date those type of men.

  

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ConcreteCharlie
Member since Nov 21st 2002
71344 posts
Fri Feb-13-15 09:12 PM

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229. "i can dig that"
In response to Reply # 227


  

          

>i like doing traditional feminine tasks. and its not that i'm
>dainty and helpless, but i like being taken care of, and i
>like to take care of a man in the traditional feminine way of
>doing so.

i definitely like that, too, to feel like a protector and a provider and then to feel in return someone being attentive and spoiling me when the time comes.

>i dont think its a matter of picking and choosing which
>"rules" to ignore...its moreso about creating a system that is
>BASED on those roles but is flexible according to my and my
>potential partner's natural strengths and weaknesses.

right but at the same time you have arguments about tradition and "natural feeling" from men who want to outright subjugate women. i am just saying, the language is the same. but i'm glad we are being clearer about it now.

>its also about balance and reciprocity. which is why i like
>men that are as masculine as i am feminine. if i spend two or
>three times the hours/money to prepare for a date as my man,
>and we go dutch or i pay, how is that balanced? if i spend the
>same amount of time/money as him, then it makes more sense. of
>course there are plenty of men who don't mind if a woman isnt
>dolled up for a date, but i generally dont date those type of
>men.

i dunno i was pretty much with you until now. believe me, as a man, i would drive myself fuck-ing cr-azy thinking about "reciprocity" in this way and i imagine a lot of women would, too. i think it's more about the first thing you said, a balance of roles and a sort of emotional reciprocity. it's not about time or money evening out, and maybe not even about effort evening out. it's about the feeling evening out in the end. if she feels like she doesn't have to worry about shit, that she has the freedom do what she wants to do and doesn't have to sweat the small stuff, i wanna feel that when i've had a hard day and damn sure when when i turn out the lights (c) teddy p.

And you will know MY JACKET IS GOLD when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69182 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 03:06 PM

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203. "smh @ if i was a guy I would like paying"
In response to Reply # 186


          

  

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ConcreteCharlie
Member since Nov 21st 2002
71344 posts
Fri Feb-13-15 01:10 AM

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215. "I like paying. Not so much for early dates, but later ones"
In response to Reply # 185


  

          

Taking my lady out for something special feels good and even covering the day-to-day shit or getting a little smile out of her with some flowers is very nice. Giving is an expression of potency

And you will know MY JACKET IS GOLD when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

  

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gumz
Member since Jan 09th 2005
20118 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 01:50 PM

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198. "lol these posts are always so damn funny..."
In response to Reply # 0
Wed Feb-11-15 01:50 PM by gumz

  

          

yall will apply some fake science to anything.

after 2.5 dates, carry over the third, over a goodnight kiss if it's at least 60 degrees outside...if not she's fucking you best friend and you need to kick her ass to the curb.

http://www.youtube.com/user/gumzization
twitter: @BrosefMalone

  

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ShinobiShaw
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48533 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 03:06 PM

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202. "Its always the same people who are always single or complaining"
In response to Reply # 198


  

          

about their love life too.

http://soundcloud.com/djshinobishaw
http://www.rareformnyc.com
http://twitter.com/DJShinobiShaw
https://twitter.com/RareFormNYC
PSN: ShinobiShaw

"Arm Leg Leg Arm How you doin?" (c)T510

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69182 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 03:09 PM

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204. "and they love to stand by these rules that aren't working"
In response to Reply # 202


          

  

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fontgangsta
Member since Sep 04th 2005
5330 posts
Tue Feb-17-15 08:25 AM

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250. "^^^^^"
In response to Reply # 202


  

          

  

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kayru99
Member since Jan 26th 2004
15819 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 02:34 PM

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201. "A woman who's willing to go dutch or pay is usually"
In response to Reply # 0


          

much much more interesting as a person.

Often, that's a sign of a little bit of critical thinking, which is always sexy.

  

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BookishBAP
Member since Jul 01st 2008
6479 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 04:03 PM

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208. "After he start eating ass"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

>After how many dates do you expect her to pay? Ladies after
>how many dates do you offer to pay?
>
>If she dosent offer to pay do you feel some type of way? Do
>you eventually just ask her to? Ladies if he asks/ expects you
>to pay, do you feel some type of way?
>
>Is dutch a real thing on "dates" our here? Lol

--------------------------------
Wild Hunnids BAP - http://snurl.com/ze28u
ButterflyBAP 2.0
Spell those made up acronyms out!
http://rebuildpilgrim.org/

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69182 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 04:06 PM

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209. "check please"
In response to Reply # 208


          

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
7225 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 04:07 PM

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210. "^ the real answer "
In response to Reply # 208


  

          

  

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Brotha Sun
Member since Dec 31st 2009
6410 posts
Fri Feb-13-15 12:11 PM

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221. "Inbox. "
In response to Reply # 208


          

"They used to call me Baby Luke....but now? The whole damn 2 Liiiive Crew."

  

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Goldmind
Member since Oct 28th 2004
27522 posts
Mon Feb-16-15 02:26 PM

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236. "I know that's right"
In response to Reply # 208


          


  

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ConcreteCharlie
Member since Nov 21st 2002
71344 posts
Fri Feb-13-15 01:01 AM

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212. "I generally just pay to eliminate any ambiguity"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

If the date is a real dead end, then I will cut my losses (e.g. call it an early night) but overall I'm not thinking about money if things are going well. I certainly don't have any expectations about her paying and if she offers and insists in any way I sort of take that as a negative sign if we are just starting out. In my experience, that means she doesn't want to feel obligated in any way, but that's only happened maybe twice that I can remember.

It's also situational, of course. If I am taking a chick from around the way out, I don't expect her to pay for shit ever. I know ya broke, fantasizing like Mariah get a grip on my bumper and rub ya clit on my tires (c) Too Short. But if I am with a girl from money and/or with a good job, yeah at some point I'd like to see her come out of pocket for something just as a gesture.

And you will know MY JACKET IS GOLD when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

  

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Calico
Charter member
24604 posts
Fri Feb-13-15 10:18 AM

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219. "whenever she wanna pay...if never, then never..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

i don't expect a woman to have some sort of set timeline in her head, or pay ever....

"yes, sometimes my rhymes are sexist, but you lovely bitches and hos should know i'm tryin to correct it"- hiphopopotamus

  

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blkprinceMD05
Member since Nov 29th 2004
41202 posts
Fri Feb-13-15 11:05 AM

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220. "sheesh, str8 men are fighting back on u ladies"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

i thought this "who will pay" mess was something u ppl had figured out

str8 dudes are telling yall : NO MA'AM

prototype

stand ur ground, believe in urself,
believe in love, prepare urself for love, remove the negativity from ur life, and accept the love u kno u deserve

  

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lfresh
Member since Jun 18th 2002
92693 posts
Fri Feb-13-15 12:40 PM

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224. "yep i dont blame em"
In response to Reply # 220


  

          

>i thought this "who will pay" mess was something u ppl had
>figured out


its not
women want it both ways

>str8 dudes are telling yall : NO MA'AM

yep

dudes also want it both ways

there is still a sense of obligation and a power play that comes with paying

there are women who do pay
those dudes in turn dont want those women
they actually do like that sense of power and that 'choosing' aspect
more than they care to admit
~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

  

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NikaMandela
Charter member
35228 posts
Sat Feb-14-15 04:16 PM

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233. "probably a lot of them are the same men"
In response to Reply # 220


          

who hate wedges and microbraids...and seeing men in heels.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
69182 posts
Mon Feb-16-15 03:51 PM

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238. "what straight man likes seeing men in heels? lol..."
In response to Reply # 233
Mon Feb-16-15 03:59 PM by legsdiamond

          

you mean to tell me some men don't like wedges AND micro-braids?

This can't be real yo...

  

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lfresh
Member since Jun 18th 2002
92693 posts
Tue Feb-17-15 08:01 AM

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249. "you got it twisted "
In response to Reply # 233


  

          

Dudes that pay are the ones with "expectations" and "standards"


~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

  

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kayru99
Member since Jan 26th 2004
15819 posts
Tue Feb-17-15 08:40 AM

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251. "yup. cuz if you bought and paid for..."
In response to Reply # 249


          

  

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lfresh
Member since Jun 18th 2002
92693 posts
Tue Feb-17-15 10:41 AM

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252. "everyone is bought and paid for"
In response to Reply # 251


  

          

cause everyone here has a job


thing is dating aint a job
so having those kind of "standards" and "expectations"
theres little benefit for women
~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

  

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stattic
Charter member
29774 posts
Fri Feb-13-15 01:17 PM

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226. "Never "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

  

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decaturpsalm
Member since Apr 24th 2005
19268 posts
Fri Feb-13-15 09:36 PM

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230. "this is how i feel"
In response to Reply # 226


  

          

even though a lot of shit gets in the way of dating
having a woman pay your way is emasculating to me
let me do that..and if i cant...we just wont be going out

_______________________________________
touched like midas these bitch ass niggas they study and bite us.

  

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ConcreteCharlie
Member since Nov 21st 2002
71344 posts
Sat Feb-14-15 02:34 PM

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231. "i mean again as things progress i don't find it that way"
In response to Reply # 230


  

          

as i get more comfortable with a woman i feel better about paying myself but at the same time better about her paying for shit, too. at the start though, yeah, i just keep it easy breezy with the cash flow.

some people caution you against her getting spoiled or taking advantage or whatever. those kinds of girls are really easy to spot and i just keep the flow-to-fun ratio even or cut 'em loose. a solid chick that will be around for a while won't take you paying for shit as a blank check.

And you will know MY JACKET IS GOLD when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

  

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Grand_Royal
Charter member
33210 posts
Sun Feb-15-15 09:51 AM

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235. "It's a nice gesture but I never expect it. "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

I can only think of one woman that I've dated that never offered and she was struggling.

  

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