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Subject: "our parents are supposed to die before us." Previous topic | Next topic
SoWhat
Charter member
154163 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 09:42 AM

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"our parents are supposed to die before us."


  

          

so why do we act so brand new about it?

all of us should bury our parents. b/c if we don't then they have to bury us - and that's probably the worst thing that could happen to them. or right up there among the worst.

meanwhile the 'order of things' requires that we bury them.

it's normal. so why do we make such a huge deal of it?

i guess when it happens when we're young it's hard b/c we feel like we still need them. like their job wasn't finished. that makes sense.

but like...in our 30s? 40s? 50s? why be new about it?

fuck you.

  

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
^^^gonna be crying like a baby at mom's funeral
Jan 30th 2015
1
i'm not having a funeral for her.
Jan 30th 2015
2
it depends on how it all goes down
Jan 30th 2015
3
good point.
Jan 30th 2015
9
The idea that I'd never see my Mom again is crushing...
Jan 30th 2015
4
right, but it should happen.
Jan 30th 2015
11
      I thought I was "prepared" for it also. I wasn't
Jan 30th 2015
110
           thanks.
Jan 30th 2015
113
I love my parents and I'm gonna be sad when they go.
Jan 30th 2015
5
Even Adam outlived his firstborn or so the story goes
Jan 30th 2015
6
Cain killed Abel. Abel was younger than Cain.
Jan 30th 2015
10
      technically Cain would still be walking among us until the end of days.....
Jan 30th 2015
18
      never heard that before
Jan 30th 2015
19
           The mark signifying none were to kill him
Jan 30th 2015
21
      You're right-- I stand corrected
Jan 30th 2015
20
The day will come when you'll want to pick up the phone to call
Jan 30th 2015
7
i can't call my cousin or grandmother like that.
Jan 30th 2015
13
^^^^^ THIS. Going through this right now
Jan 30th 2015
17
This never ends either...a few years after my uncle died
Jan 30th 2015
32
I felt all of that.
Jan 30th 2015
35
Man, I gotta call my brother. You hit me righ to the core with that.
Jan 30th 2015
48
i wrote about this in the abortion post (which i think sparked SoWhat's ...
Jan 30th 2015
24
My old man died when I was 20
Jan 30th 2015
26
I get that. My often wonder what my grandmother would think of me.
Jan 30th 2015
46
This shit is so real
Jan 30th 2015
128
understanding the logic behind it don't take the pain away...
Jan 30th 2015
8
true
Jan 30th 2015
14
Yeah, this is it
Jan 30th 2015
22
perfectly stated
Jan 30th 2015
28
End post. And for me, I just turned 30, yet 6-8 of my close friends
Jan 30th 2015
127
depends upon the age that they die
Jan 30th 2015
12
i agree.
Jan 30th 2015
15
and not to say i was a sobbing baby like a momma's boy when she died
Jan 30th 2015
23
      nice
Jan 30th 2015
73
I think it depends on how close you were with your parents
Jan 30th 2015
47
      i wasn't done with my mom.
Jan 30th 2015
65
you've had them around for so long
Jan 30th 2015
16
emotion doesn't really follow logic
Jan 30th 2015
25
It's a big deal because we Love them they will be missed. WTH?
Jan 30th 2015
27
http://i.imgur.com/A6GWB3j.gif
Jan 30th 2015
29
I felt a deep sense of loss for my 88 year-old Grandmother
Jan 30th 2015
30
That's a lot fam. I'm glad that you're still holding it together.
Jan 30th 2015
31
my mom feels like an orphan after having lost both parents in her 60s.
Jan 30th 2015
79
wow. that sounds like my cousin. i just talked to him not too
Jan 30th 2015
132
Easy to say but as I literally sit next to my dad's hospital bed...
Jan 30th 2015
33
You Phi, prayers are going up
Jan 30th 2015
34
*hugs* my condolences
Jan 30th 2015
38
peace...
Jan 30th 2015
41
prayers yo....
Jan 30th 2015
42
Thanks all OKP Fam. Prayers are appreciated.
Jan 30th 2015
53
      sending up some prayers on you and your dad's behalf, also.
Jan 30th 2015
133
      No words need be said fam.
Jan 31st 2015
141
*hugs*
Jan 30th 2015
58
it's hard to watch, i'm sure.
Jan 30th 2015
75
Well that's fucked up.
Jan 30th 2015
115
its one of my worst fears
Jan 30th 2015
36
i have accepted that i'm going to lose all of mine.
Jan 30th 2015
83
this is an above it all post. people don't like to say goodbye to thos...
Jan 30th 2015
37
^^^^^^^^
Jan 30th 2015
39
      Truth.com!
Jan 30th 2015
40
Grieving is selfish, and that's okay.
Jan 30th 2015
43
selfish? I think it's natural...
Jan 30th 2015
45
Of course it's natural.
Jan 30th 2015
50
Grieving isn't selfish, it's a natural process of coping with death
Jan 30th 2015
49
Y'all are getting hung up on one word and missing the entire p oint.
Jan 30th 2015
51
      Ain't no sides. You just made an illogical error.
Jan 30th 2015
54
           no, she's right.
Jan 30th 2015
57
                Money. In my pastoral counseling classes grief has never been described
Jan 30th 2015
59
                what's the definition of selfish?
Jan 30th 2015
60
                ro. We are going to agree to disagree
Jan 30th 2015
63
                In everything you just said, you're focusing on the negativity of "selfi...
Jan 30th 2015
91
                     hmm.. you explained this well but I still don't agree
Jan 30th 2015
101
                     what if instead of the word selfish, we used "internalized"
Jan 30th 2015
116
                     I love this place.
Jan 30th 2015
121
                          RE: I love this place.
Jan 30th 2015
122
                               Just be aware those keystrokes are wasted
Jan 30th 2015
130
                               I appreciate you and Daryloneal. n/m
Jan 30th 2015
140
                               However you want to make it FIT. Keep drinking that gas
Feb 02nd 2015
142
                                    so your only argument for whether or not something is, is whether or not...
Feb 02nd 2015
143
                                         Hey man. I'm looking at the matter holistically.
Feb 02nd 2015
145
                                              bro, what does any of that have to do with a simple definition?
Feb 02nd 2015
146
                                                   Because WORDS matter.
Feb 02nd 2015
148
                                                        I got love for you Case and you know it, but you're saying...
Feb 02nd 2015
149
                nah, while I think it's selfish to want someone to remain in pain
Jan 30th 2015
68
                     You're focused on the connotation, not the meaning.
Jan 30th 2015
87
                          I'm aware being selfish isn't always a negative
Jan 30th 2015
100
                               That's why we typically don't use the word when referring to grief.
Jan 30th 2015
104
                                    gotcha
Jan 30th 2015
109
it is, yes.
Jan 30th 2015
74
You're right about that.
Jan 30th 2015
139
It does tend to be self focused
Jan 30th 2015
108
nah bruh... I do not agree.
Jan 30th 2015
44
wat
Jan 30th 2015
52
true
Jan 30th 2015
55
this dude said grieving a parent is acting brand new
Jan 30th 2015
56
Yes we are supposed to bury them first
Jan 30th 2015
61
right but the other option is worse.
Jan 30th 2015
78
i think losing your spouse, THE ONE, is worse than losing a child...
Jan 30th 2015
62
...
Jan 30th 2015
66
you are killing it with the gifs today...lol
Jan 30th 2015
69
      folks moving me to straight up speechlessness today fam.
Jan 30th 2015
76
ehhh...
Jan 30th 2015
67
not true.
Jan 30th 2015
70
WHAT!
Jan 30th 2015
72
you may be right.
Jan 30th 2015
77
i doubt that you would if it really came down to it.
Jan 30th 2015
82
i think i would.
Jan 30th 2015
84
      i understand what you're saying about put the marriage first.
Jan 30th 2015
85
           life and death - i'd save my husband first.
Jan 30th 2015
88
                but he's supposed to die before his kid. why you acting brand new?
Jan 30th 2015
90
                     *pats head*
Jan 30th 2015
92
                          http://i.imgur.com/nAomDWR.gif
Jan 30th 2015
93
                          RE: http://i.imgur.com/nAomDWR.gif
Jan 30th 2015
96
                          she has a point..... and don't touch my head bro.
Jan 30th 2015
95
                               RE: she has a point..... and don't touch my head bro.
Jan 30th 2015
97
                                    RE: she has a point..... and don't touch my head bro.
Jan 30th 2015
102
                                         RE: she has a point..... and don't touch my head bro.
Jan 30th 2015
103
                                              RE: she has a point..... and don't touch my head bro.
Jan 30th 2015
106
I seriously doubt this...
Jan 30th 2015
86
      i bet you do.
Jan 30th 2015
89
..the fuck? No. NOPE
Jan 30th 2015
98
I think we all have our own hierarchy of loss/pain ratios.
Jan 30th 2015
99
Fuck and No.
Jan 30th 2015
117
i have neither, but i always figured id feel the same
Jan 30th 2015
134
the circumstances.
Jan 30th 2015
64
i agree there.
Jan 30th 2015
80
my reactions to death are usually related to how close i was w/ them
Jan 30th 2015
71
word. that's probably true for most of us.
Jan 30th 2015
81
The only thing 'brand new' is the question.
Jan 30th 2015
94
yup, like he wants a friend or lover to "get over it already"
Jan 30th 2015
105
My cousins were Rod and Todd when their grandma passed
Jan 30th 2015
107
RE: our parents are supposed to die before us.
Jan 30th 2015
111
thanks for your answer, lings.
Jan 30th 2015
114
should have been clear enough
Jan 30th 2015
118
      . . .
Jan 30th 2015
119
when did you return?
Jan 30th 2015
126
OKP will find a way to argue about ANYTHING
Jan 30th 2015
112
you feel like an orphan, no matter what age
Jan 30th 2015
120
i see that w/my mom.
Jan 30th 2015
123
      well, you know, she *is* an orphan
Jan 30th 2015
138
           that makes sense.
Feb 02nd 2015
144
Fuck you
Jan 30th 2015
124
i wasn't trying to lessen your pain
Jan 30th 2015
125
      yeah, ok.....
Jan 30th 2015
129
My Dad died when I was 26...the pain was visceral
Jan 30th 2015
131
please archive this dumbass post btw
Jan 30th 2015
135
This post is kinda sad
Jan 30th 2015
136
You're so irreverent and daring
Jan 30th 2015
137
Man...the saddest.I've ever seen my mom is at her mom's funeral
Feb 02nd 2015
147
BTW, I lost my mom in 96 when I was 22 and
Feb 02nd 2015
150
well this post is about people in their 30s and above
Feb 03rd 2015
153
my mom passed in August
Feb 02nd 2015
151
It's called GRIEVING for a reason...
Feb 02nd 2015
152
I agree, but in slightly softer words.
Feb 03rd 2015
154
why are you such a prostitute for attention?
Feb 07th 2015
155

ShawndmeSlanted
Member since Oct 30th 2004
42653 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 09:44 AM

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1. "^^^gonna be crying like a baby at mom's funeral"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

what does being sad have to be acting brand new?


I dont think I need my parents anymore. I go 2-3 weeks without talking to them sometimes, but I know when they go--I'm gonna be feeling it like shit.

---
"though time has passed, im still the future" (c) black thought

  

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SoWhat
Charter member
154163 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 09:47 AM

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2. "i'm not having a funeral for her."
In response to Reply # 1


  

          

she doesn't want one and neither do i.

if the rest of the family throws one that's different. but i can't see it.

all of my parents have said they don't want a funeral. i'm so down w/it.

there'll be a memorial dinner somewhere. or brunch.

and yeah i'll be sad. for sure.

i was sad when my grandmother died but then i was not so sad b/c she was old and she's supposed to die before me and all of her kids. sadly she had to bury one of her daughters and one of her grandkids. but her death wasn't so terribly sad for me. not like when i lost a cousin - she died too young.

fuck you.

  

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bonitaapplebaum71481
Member since Aug 04th 2003
22576 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 09:51 AM

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3. "it depends on how it all goes down"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

my dad... I've written him off a long time ago

my mom... our relationship isn't the easiest but I'd be tight if I didn't get a timely phone call or if I got shut out of all the procedurals.

I'll be sad but I've been learning to swallow it for a while

If anything just watching your folks grow old is more unsettling than their actual demise.


"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

www.twitter.com/bedstuybetty
http://bedstuybetty.tumblr.com/
DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

  

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SoWhat
Charter member
154163 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 09:58 AM

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9. "good point."
In response to Reply # 3


  

          

yes, if the death is hard on them (like they wasted away or were severely injured) that's rough.

that makes sense.

fuck you.

  

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Marbles
Member since Oct 19th 2004
21711 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 09:51 AM

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4. "The idea that I'd never see my Mom again is crushing..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          


I don't care how old she is or I am.

  

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SoWhat
Charter member
154163 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 09:59 AM

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11. "right, but it should happen."
In response to Reply # 4


  

          

unless y'all die at the same time...you should live for a time w/o her. otherwise she has to live w/o you.

i feel the same way but i'm prepared for it. i will have to live w/o my parents. i hope.

fuck you.

  

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ChuckNeal
Member since Feb 03rd 2004
5458 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 02:05 PM

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110. "I thought I was "prepared" for it also. I wasn't"
In response to Reply # 11


          

But I loved my mother, and seeing her suffer from pancreatic cancer was extremely rough. But yes, I know that this is the natural order of things, but it doesn't mean I don't miss someone that I love. Not being able to hear them laugh, or have them to play with their grandchildren still stings. Not sure why that's a surprise to anyone.

Famousfarrah.com <--- a webseries I worked on

  

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SoWhat
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154163 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 02:19 PM

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113. "thanks."
In response to Reply # 110


  

          



fuck you.

  

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MEAT
Member since Feb 08th 2008
20622 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 09:52 AM

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5. "I love my parents and I'm gonna be sad when they go. "
In response to Reply # 0
Fri Jan-30-15 09:53 AM by MEAT

  

          

My fiancé's parents are older than both of mine. It's gonna be rough losing them as well. She's an only child and though they're divorced they became good friends through and for her.
I've started to try to build a relationship between her and my family more lately.
I can go weeks without talking to mine, random texts, "I'm alive" messages have always sufficed. But it's important to me that she starts to feel comfortable with building a relationship with them.

I lost my grandma randomly in 2008. She one of my closest friends. That really fucked me up. I don't think I expected her to be around forever. But more that she'd fade and you can mentally prepare for something like that.

------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
13825 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 09:55 AM

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6. "Even Adam outlived his firstborn or so the story goes"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Neither event should be new to us in that regard.

______________________________________

Everything looks like Oprah kissing Harvey Weinstein these days

  

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c71
Member since Jan 15th 2008
11452 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 09:59 AM

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10. "Cain killed Abel. Abel was younger than Cain."
In response to Reply # 6


  

          

I don't think the Bible says when Cain died.

  

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bonitaapplebaum71481
Member since Aug 04th 2003
22576 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 10:03 AM

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18. "technically Cain would still be walking among us until the end of days....."
In response to Reply # 10


  

          

#justsayin


"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

www.twitter.com/bedstuybetty
http://bedstuybetty.tumblr.com/
DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

  

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c71
Member since Jan 15th 2008
11452 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 10:04 AM

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19. "never heard that before"
In response to Reply # 18


  

          

?

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
13825 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 10:07 AM

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21. "The mark signifying none were to kill him "
In response to Reply # 19


  

          

lest they themselves be killed or something. That doesn't mean he'd live forever, just that none would seek vengeance against him.

______________________________________

Everything looks like Oprah kissing Harvey Weinstein these days

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
13825 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 10:04 AM

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20. "You're right-- I stand corrected "
In response to Reply # 10


  

          

still though, it's as "natural" as one burying their parents and of course just as heart wrenching.

On a side note that's even more disturbing. The first man born was a murderer-- Yeesh.

______________________________________

Everything looks like Oprah kissing Harvey Weinstein these days

  

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Lardlad95
Member since Jul 31st 2002
66338 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 09:57 AM

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7. "The day will come when you'll want to pick up the phone to call"
In response to Reply # 0
Fri Jan-30-15 09:58 AM by Lardlad95

  

          

over something mundane and then you realize that you'll never be able to do that again.

That to me is going to be heartbreaking. Not her missing big moments in my life, but the idea that one day I'll just want to hear her opinions on the news or a TV show but I won't be able to do it.

  

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SoWhat
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154163 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 10:00 AM

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13. "i can't call my cousin or grandmother like that."
In response to Reply # 7


  

          

cousin - that's harder. grandmother? i've come to terms w/it, mostly.

fuck you.

  

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KosherSam
Member since Mar 18th 2004
70131 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 10:02 AM

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17. "^^^^^ THIS. Going through this right now"
In response to Reply # 7


  

          

My brother used to call my mom like 4 times a day. So when I'd get together with my mom for lunch or whatever, it would be a routine thing that he'd call while we were together. He didn't always want to get off the phone, so sometimes our conversation would be interrupted by her taking a 10-15 minute call with him.

A couple of weeks ago, we were having lunch, and her phone rang. My first instinct was "oh great, it's Mark again." Then I caught myself, and realized it was never going to be him ever again.

It's the little things...

*Jews you*

"this is okp tho, reading is completely optional" (c) desus

Proceed with caution. I am overtly racist.

<-- In Pigpen we trust

  

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StephBMore
Member since Sep 11th 2014
1373 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 10:25 AM

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32. "This never ends either...a few years after my uncle died"
In response to Reply # 17


  

          

I was at my grandma's house, hanging out watching tv, and she was making a plate of food. I'm like "who you making that plate for grandma?" she goes "kelly, you know he's going to want to eat when he gets in." and i have the blank face and my mom goes "mom, you know Kelly is dead." and she just stops and says "oh yeah, sometimes i forget." and left the plate and went upstairs to bed.

my heart was so broken for her and for myself...but yeah it is the simple things you miss that hurt the most.

  

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Case_One
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54687 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 10:44 AM

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35. "I felt all of that. "
In response to Reply # 32


          


.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

  

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Lardlad95
Member since Jul 31st 2002
66338 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 11:23 AM

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48. "Man, I gotta call my brother. You hit me righ to the core with that. "
In response to Reply # 17


  

          


"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts..." -The Bard

  

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deejboram
Member since Sep 27th 2002
25755 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 10:10 AM

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24. "i wrote about this in the abortion post (which i think sparked SoWhat's ..."
In response to Reply # 7


  

          

>over something mundane and then you realize that you'll never
>be able to do that again.
>
>That to me is going to be heartbreaking. Not her missing big
>moments in my life, but the idea that one day I'll just want
>to hear her opinions on the news or a TV show but I won't be
>able to do it.



i get all my recipes from my mom
no longer is she a phone call away to tell me how to get my gravy right
lost recipes.

****
pink toes: http://i.imgur.com/WN7DPL1

  

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Marbles
Member since Oct 19th 2004
21711 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 10:13 AM

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26. "My old man died when I was 20"
In response to Reply # 7


  

          


I just turned 40. I've lived as long without him as I did with him (which blows my mind).

I often wonder what he would think of the weird twists & turns my life has taken.

  

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Lardlad95
Member since Jul 31st 2002
66338 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 11:20 AM

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46. "I get that. My often wonder what my grandmother would think of me."
In response to Reply # 26


  

          

She died on my 15th birthday. 12 years ago this coming Monday.

She was such a large part of my childhood, sometimes I forget that she never knew me as an adult.


"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts..." -The Bard

  

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blkprinceMD05
Member since Nov 29th 2004
41185 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 06:30 PM

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128. "This shit is so real "
In response to Reply # 7


  

          

prototype

stand ur ground, believe in urself,
believe in love, prepare urself for love, remove the negativity from ur life, and accept the love u kno u deserve

  

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BigJazz
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8. "understanding the logic behind it don't take the pain away..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          


***
I'm tryna be better off, not better than...

  

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SoWhat
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14. "true"
In response to Reply # 8


  

          

fuck you.

  

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Marbles
Member since Oct 19th 2004
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Fri Jan-30-15 10:08 AM

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22. "Yeah, this is it"
In response to Reply # 8


  

          


So What is right. But it just feels cold and clinical for me to think of it that way.

  

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KiloMcG
Member since Jan 01st 2008
27443 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 10:19 AM

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28. "perfectly stated"
In response to Reply # 8


  

          

  

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-DJ R-Tistic-
Member since Nov 06th 2008
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127. "End post. And for me, I just turned 30, yet 6-8 of my close friends"
In response to Reply # 8


  

          

and relatives have lost a parent in the last few years....and that shit is scary.

When my mom lost her dad, yeah she was 40...but he was 65, in great-great health, and...was killed on the way to Church on Father's Day in a car accident. So the way someone dies also makes it a lot harder to take.

------------------------------

50+ FREE Mixes on www.DJR-Tistic.com!

Twitter and Instagram - @DJ_RTistic

  

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deejboram
Member since Sep 27th 2002
25755 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 10:00 AM

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12. "depends upon the age that they die"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

my dad i didn't cry so much as he was older and lived a full life
my mom's death too everyone by surprise as she wasn't even old enough to get Social Security yet
if she'd have lived another 15 years it would be less painful for me

my mom could still do the stanky leg and dutty whine when she died
she was hella young at heart

but yeah, i feel you overall tho
i mean over all your body

****
pink toes: http://i.imgur.com/WN7DPL1

  

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SoWhat
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15. "i agree."
In response to Reply # 12


  

          

fuck you.

  

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deejboram
Member since Sep 27th 2002
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Fri Jan-30-15 10:09 AM

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23. "and not to say i was a sobbing baby like a momma's boy when she died"
In response to Reply # 15


  

          

but my mom was 63 when she died
i could (and would) run the streets with my mom
we'd "DO VEGAS" together
like literally me and my mom flying out to vegas and tearing down the town for a weekend
san francisco
we bar hopping
im the more sober of the two so im trying to drive us back to the hotel from the haight
windows down in the rental car feeling the breeze
we hear some live jazz coming out this cafe
and before she could yell "STOP!!!!" i was already smashing breaks and bending a left to circle back and hit that lil spot up
we found a park
dipped in there
had a few more dranks and closed the place out

it was a cute lil jazzy spot but nobody was dancing so me and my mom sparked up a impromptu dancefloor and danced until they turned the lights on (last call)

i wont go into the stanky leg or dutty whine stories

ahhhhh the memories...

****
pink toes: http://i.imgur.com/WN7DPL1

  

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SoWhat
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73. "nice"
In response to Reply # 23


  

          

fuck you.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
68751 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 11:20 AM

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47. "I think it depends on how close you were with your parents"
In response to Reply # 12


          

my sister was beefing with my mom when my mom died in a car accident.

To this day my sister ain't right because she didn't have closure.

  

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deejboram
Member since Sep 27th 2002
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Fri Jan-30-15 12:04 PM

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65. "i wasn't done with my mom."
In response to Reply # 47


  

          

>To this day my sister ain't right because she didn't have
>closure.

in 2009 she stood me up for a trip to Maui
i lost a lot of bread on those tickets
so i always wanted us to redeem that trip
i got too busy
then she always be doing her own thing
and we never got around to it

now THAT woulda been a trip and a half
seeing my mom geek out looking at them crystal clear waters

oh well...

****
pink toes: http://i.imgur.com/WN7DPL1

  

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ThaAnthology
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16. "you've had them around for so long"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

and now you have kids that know them and love them so the attachment matures into something else.

www.anthologyfmn.com

Enter the Written World of Fahim Malik Nassar

The House of Caine (available)

Melancholoy Funk (available)

Tha Anthology (Words 2001-2003) Poetry inspired by OKP and Wash, DC
(available)

The Spook who sat by the Radio Poetry (av

  

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tariqhu
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25. "emotion doesn't really follow logic"
In response to Reply # 0


          

and it is new. you only get one mommma/daddy. so when they (they = momma) pass, shit will be new to me and I'll be fucked up for while.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

  

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Case_One
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Fri Jan-30-15 10:16 AM

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27. "It's a big deal because we Love them they will be missed. WTH?"
In response to Reply # 0


          

It maters not the when or the how, but the fact that they will no longer be here in the natural.

Have you ever lost a family member that was close to you?



.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

  

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SHAstayhighalways
Member since Sep 03rd 2014
3696 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 10:19 AM

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29. "http://i.imgur.com/A6GWB3j.gif"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

http://i.imgur.com/A6GWB3j.gif

www.royallegacy.org

For Real (Official Video):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBRoCPO8esE

  

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bigkarma
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Fri Jan-30-15 10:20 AM

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30. "I felt a deep sense of loss for my 88 year-old Grandmother"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

..and I KNEW for awhile that she be gone soon.

But, like tariqhu said, you can't logic your way out of emotions.

In the last 10 years, I have lost my mother, father, stepfather and the grandmother who helped raise me.

Even though I'm in my 40's. I feel like an orphan.

  

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Case_One
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Fri Jan-30-15 10:22 AM

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31. "That's a lot fam. I'm glad that you're still holding it together."
In response to Reply # 30


          

>..and I KNEW for awhile that she be gone soon.
>
>But, like tariqhu said, you can't logic your way out of
>emotions.
>
>In the last 10 years, I have lost my mother, father,
>stepfather and the grandmother who helped raise me.
>
>Even though I'm in my 40's. I feel like an orphan.
>
>


.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

  

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SoWhat
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Fri Jan-30-15 12:52 PM

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79. "my mom feels like an orphan after having lost both parents in her 60s."
In response to Reply # 30
Fri Jan-30-15 12:53 PM by SoWhat

  

          

and i'm like...really? b/c...what else was supposed to happen?

but you're in your 40s and what you're saying makes sense. your parents were young when they died so that's a hard loss.

fuck you.

  

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poetx
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Fri Jan-30-15 07:24 PM

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132. "wow. that sounds like my cousin. i just talked to him not too "
In response to Reply # 30


  

          

long ago (also in his 40's).

in about the same span he's lost his mother, father, brother, half brother (well, he wasn't raised w/ him but they ain't live too far away), some aunts, a couple friends. and this last year, an ex, his rehab counselor and a couple cats he grew up with.

he's like, "D, death is just all around me, man".

it's really messing with him, especially since he's trying to get his life together, and do something positive for his girls and his son.

it ain't a lot of wisdom i can provide him. even Job would be like, dayum. i pray with him and for him and try to just let him talk it out when things get bleak.


i'm very sorry for your losses. (and i wasn't trying to one up you w/ my cuz's experiences -- i can't fathom the level of loss either of you have experienced). i'll be praying for you and your fam, too, though.

and i need to call my cuz.




peace & blessings,

x.

www.twitter.com/poetx

=========================================
I'm an advocate for working smarter, not harder. If you just
focus on working hard you end up making someone else rich and
not having much to show for it. (c) mad

  

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Buddy_Gilapagos
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Fri Jan-30-15 10:38 AM

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33. "Easy to say but as I literally sit next to my dad's hospital bed..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

as he is recovering from two blood clots in his head, it's a lot harder than that.

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

http://blackpeopleonlocalnews.tumblr.com/

  

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Case_One
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Fri Jan-30-15 10:40 AM

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34. "You Phi, prayers are going up"
In response to Reply # 33


          

I really do pray for the healing power of God to rest on your father and His comfort to rest on your family.


.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

  

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BabySoulRebel
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Fri Jan-30-15 11:01 AM

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38. "*hugs* my condolences"
In response to Reply # 33


  

          

I will pray for his speedy and complete recovery.

here for dis.

  

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SHAstayhighalways
Member since Sep 03rd 2014
3696 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 11:12 AM

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41. "peace..."
In response to Reply # 33


  

          

www.royallegacy.org

For Real (Official Video):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBRoCPO8esE

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
68751 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 11:14 AM

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42. "prayers yo...."
In response to Reply # 33


          

  

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Buddy_Gilapagos
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Fri Jan-30-15 11:32 AM

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53. "Thanks all OKP Fam. Prayers are appreciated."
In response to Reply # 42


  

          


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

http://blackpeopleonlocalnews.tumblr.com/

  

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poetx
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Fri Jan-30-15 07:28 PM

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133. "sending up some prayers on you and your dad's behalf, also. "
In response to Reply # 53


  

          

and, really, for everyone in this post.

a lot of us in here 10 years deep on this here board. its kind of amazing to see how we've aged.

i been thinking about all of this a lot. my wife's grandmother just passed. we going up to bmore next week for the funeral. she was 89.


peace & blessings,

x.

www.twitter.com/poetx

=========================================
I'm an advocate for working smarter, not harder. If you just
focus on working hard you end up making someone else rich and
not having much to show for it. (c) mad

  

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adg87
Member since Jun 22nd 2003
5293 posts
Sat Jan-31-15 02:47 AM

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141. "No words need be said fam."
In response to Reply # 53


  

          

Done.

************************************************************

Nigga, if the shoe fits, then buy the matching purse!" Rass Kass

  

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lfresh
Member since Jun 18th 2002
92693 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 11:48 AM

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58. "*hugs*"
In response to Reply # 33


  

          

=(
~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

  

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SoWhat
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Fri Jan-30-15 12:48 PM

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75. "it's hard to watch, i'm sure."
In response to Reply # 33


  

          

fuck you.

  

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Cold Truth
Member since Jan 28th 2004
41795 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 02:25 PM

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115. "Well that's fucked up. "
In response to Reply # 33


  

          

Peace, love, blessings, all that.

  

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GirlChild
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55984 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 10:53 AM

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36. "its one of my worst fears"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

losing either of them
i know it's inevitable but i always worry

  

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SoWhat
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Fri Jan-30-15 12:56 PM

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83. "i have accepted that i'm going to lose all of mine."
In response to Reply # 36


  

          

well, i hope to lose them. b/c otherwise i'm dying first and i don't want that.

but they're gonna die and i'm going to have to deal w/that. i hope.

fuck you.

  

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lazyboi
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Fri Jan-30-15 10:58 AM

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37. "this is an above it all post. people don't like to say goodbye to thos..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

they love. there's your answer



"If you wanna help us, fine. Sit down with your kids and make 'em study at night...otherwise, shoot THIS mothaf*cka!" (c) Morgan Freeman,

  

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daryloneal
Member since Jan 08th 2005
9267 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 11:09 AM

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39. "^^^^^^^^"
In response to Reply # 37


  

          

---
but have you ever checked out my website? www.dtaylorimages.com

  

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Case_One
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Fri Jan-30-15 11:10 AM

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40. "Truth.com!"
In response to Reply # 39


          


.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

  

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Sepia.
Member since Feb 25th 2009
12896 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 11:15 AM

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43. "Grieving is selfish, and that's okay."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Whether you believe in an after-life or not, the person who's died is in a better place than you are.

But you're left alive to miss them. Missing someone you'll never see again hurts.

And it's okay to express that pain.


I think you could try to be more compassionate about it.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
68751 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 11:17 AM

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45. "selfish? I think it's natural..."
In response to Reply # 43
Fri Jan-30-15 11:18 AM by legsdiamond

          

my pastor back home does a great job of taking a funeral from grief to celebration but I don't think it's selfish to grieve.



  

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Sepia.
Member since Feb 25th 2009
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Fri Jan-30-15 11:28 AM

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50. "Of course it's natural."
In response to Reply # 45


  

          

It's natural to be selfish as well. That's why altruism is interesting.


What I mean by calling grieving selfish is, your grief doesn't do anything to help the dead. Or the people around you.
It's just an expression of the loss you feel. And there's nothing wrong with expressing the pain of that loss.

  

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Case_One
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Fri Jan-30-15 11:27 AM

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49. "Grieving isn't selfish, it's a natural process of coping with death "
In response to Reply # 43


          

Where do y'all come up with this stuff.



.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

  

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Sepia.
Member since Feb 25th 2009
12896 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 11:28 AM

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51. "Y'all are getting hung up on one word and missing the entire p oint."
In response to Reply # 49


  

          

Get out of your feelings, into logic, and realize that we're basically on the same side.

  

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Case_One
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Fri Jan-30-15 11:34 AM

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54. "Ain't no sides. You just made an illogical error. "
In response to Reply # 51


          

But I understand this is OKP and everybody is smarter then the next person.


.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

  

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daryloneal
Member since Jan 08th 2005
9267 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 11:43 AM

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57. "no, she's right."
In response to Reply # 54
Fri Jan-30-15 11:44 AM by daryloneal

  

          

"Selfish" has a negative connotation, but it isn't always negative.

If you're overly stressed and take a day off where you turn off your phone and lay in bed all day, that's selfish. But it's okay if that's what you need to do. It isn't negative, it's necessary.

In this case, you grieve because you hurt. Because YOU miss the person. Because of the impact that is has on YOUR life.

But the fact that the person is no longer in pain (if that was the scenario), isn't a bad thing.

Therefore your grief is of selfish nature. But it's fine.

My grandmother passed away at 83 last year and I still cry some days. It's selfish but I miss her daily.

---
but have you ever checked out my website? www.dtaylorimages.com

  

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Case_One
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Fri Jan-30-15 11:50 AM

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59. "Money. In my pastoral counseling classes grief has never been described "
In response to Reply # 57
Fri Jan-30-15 11:53 AM by Case_One

          

as an act of selfishness. Grief isn't about wanting to keep something for yourself or keeping it aways from someone else. Grief is a natural emotion that helps humans to express a sense of loss that cannot be at times articulated and formulated into words.

That's why they have Grief Counselors, Chaplains, Pastoral Care teams, etc.


>"Selfish" has a negative connotation, but it isn't always
>negative.
>
>If you're overly stressed and take a day off where you turn
>off your phone and lay in bed all day, that's selfish. But
>it's okay if that's what you need to do. It isn't negative,
>it's necessary.
>
>In this case, you grieve because you hurt. Because YOU miss
>the person. Because of the impact that is has on YOUR life.
>
>But the fact that the person is no longer in pain (if that was
>the scenario), isn't a bad thing.
>
>Therefore your grief is of selfish nature. But it's fine.
>
>My grandmother passed away at 83 last year and I still cry
>some days. It's selfish but I miss her daily.


And taking time to heal is never an act of selfishness. That's like you breaking your leg and having to stay home form work and folks call you selfish.


The problem is that people fail to realize that the human mind and soul needs time to heal via grieving just like a broken leg. And ain't nothing selfish about that.

But we are going just agree to disagree. I'll stick with what I know to be true.


.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

  

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daryloneal
Member since Jan 08th 2005
9267 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 11:54 AM

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60. "what's the definition of selfish?"
In response to Reply # 59


  

          

The word isn't used in this situation because it has a negative connotation, NOT because it's ACTUALLY negative in all situations.

I gave an example where this is true.

Grief is another one.

We don't refer to it as selfish because of the connotation, not because of what it means.

For you to combat that is just to be stubborn.

---
but have you ever checked out my website? www.dtaylorimages.com

  

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Case_One
Charter member
54687 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 12:00 PM

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63. "ro. We are going to agree to disagree "
In response to Reply # 60


          

I know my vocation and you know your's. I'm going to disagree and KIM on this selfish topic.



.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

  

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KosherSam
Member since Mar 18th 2004
70131 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 01:14 PM

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91. "In everything you just said, you're focusing on the negativity of "selfi..."
In response to Reply # 59


  

          

Selfish just means that you're only focused on yourself.

When you're grieving, all of that counseling and coping and whatnot is about YOU. Coming to terms with YOU no longer being able to see the person that died. Dealing with how YOU are going to move on from this. Everything about the grieving process revolves around YOU, and getting YOU through it.

It doesn't have to be negative to be selfish.

*Jews you*

"this is okp tho, reading is completely optional" (c) desus

Proceed with caution. I am overtly racist.

<-- In Pigpen we trust

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
68751 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 01:27 PM

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101. "hmm.. you explained this well but I still don't agree"
In response to Reply # 91


          


when my mom passed and all those people showed up and grieving and crying....

I didn't see anyone being selfish or doing it for themselves.

I just saw a packed church filled with people who loved her and grieved because she was gone too soon.


  

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KosherSam
Member since Mar 18th 2004
70131 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 02:42 PM

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116. "what if instead of the word selfish, we used "internalized""
In response to Reply # 101


  

          

b/c when you say "I didn't see anyone being selfish or doing it for themselves" it still infers a negative connotation on the word selfish, as if the mourners would be doing something bad.

Instead, think of it as "the entire grieving process is an *internalized* ordeal. all of the things that you feel, and all of the emotions that you show, and all of the people you talk to about the way that you're feeling are steps in a process that allow YOU to feel better about the pain that YOU feel, and come to terms with the loss that YOU experienced. The process ends when YOU are able to move on with your life after the loss YOU experienced, and can cope with the pain YOU feel inside."

*Jews you*

"this is okp tho, reading is completely optional" (c) desus

Proceed with caution. I am overtly racist.

<-- In Pigpen we trust

  

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Case_One
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Fri Jan-30-15 04:40 PM

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121. "I love this place. "
In response to Reply # 91


          

I love how ya'll will break your necks to good against the truth of the matter.

Grief is not a selfish emotion or process and no one what deal with grief will ever tell someone that. But I'll y'all cook.

.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

  

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daryloneal
Member since Jan 08th 2005
9267 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 05:01 PM

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122. "RE: I love this place. "
In response to Reply # 121


  

          

Facts:

Grief is the process of accepting the loss of a loved one. It's YOU taking YOUR time to get through what the loss of that person means for YOU.

Self = YOU (me). Oneself, in particular

Selfish = being concerned, sometimes excessively or exclusively, for oneself or one's own advantage, pleasure, or welfare, regardless of others.

When someone dies, it isn't a bad thing for them. If they are saved, especially, as people of faith we know this to be a good thing as they rest with our Father in heaven.

When we grieve, it often prevents us from celebrating the life and transition of our loved ones to be with our Father in heaven because we haven't yet fully accepted how their death impacts US.

Grief also causes those around us to focus on helping US feel better about something positive that has happened for someone else because it has made US feel bad.

This means that the grieving process is inherently selfish, although it is also NATURAL, UNDERSTANDABLE, often REQUIRED, and NOT negative.

YOUR view:

Selfish is bad, grieving isn't bad, so grieving can't be selfish.

We shall let you cook.

---
but have you ever checked out my website? www.dtaylorimages.com

  

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Ted Gee Seal
Member since Apr 18th 2007
10084 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 06:51 PM

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130. "Just be aware those keystrokes are wasted"
In response to Reply # 122


  

          

He's in know it all mode now where facts are irrelevant.

He won't actually address your point, just point at his 'credentials' and claim that just because a term isn't used out of sensitivity to the grieving that it's somehow inaccurate.

If a weight loss consultant doesn't call a person with an obesity issue fat that doesn't the reality of the situation.

Just IMO though.

  

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Sepia.
Member since Feb 25th 2009
12896 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 08:53 PM

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140. "I appreciate you and Daryloneal. n/m"
In response to Reply # 130


  

          

  

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Case_One
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142. "However you want to make it FIT. Keep drinking that gas"
In response to Reply # 122


          

You can let these jokes fill you up with gas if you want. But the fact is that NO counselor, psychological or medical professional will ever tell a person that is experience the process of Grief that they are being selfish or that Grief is a emotion.


Keep dancing with DJ.



.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

  

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daryloneal
Member since Jan 08th 2005
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Mon Feb-02-15 09:18 AM

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143. "so your only argument for whether or not something is, is whether or not..."
In response to Reply # 142
Mon Feb-02-15 09:22 AM by daryloneal

  

          

someone will tell someone else that it is.

You essentially just did what Ted Gee Seal said you would, bro.



---
but have you ever checked out my website? www.dtaylorimages.com

  

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Case_One
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145. "Hey man. I'm looking at the matter holistically. "
In response to Reply # 143


          

I just hope that you and others NEVER tell a grieving person that they are being selfish or even use that word in any context during their process.

When the words that you actually should be telling them how much you're there to support them or just be there as a silent presence of support.

But hey, I know that everyone here is smarter then every medical profession that ever existed.






.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

  

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daryloneal
Member since Jan 08th 2005
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Mon Feb-02-15 09:41 AM

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146. "bro, what does any of that have to do with a simple definition?"
In response to Reply # 145


  

          

Nobody here has suggested that the word should be used when comforting a grieving person.

But that doesn't change its accuracy.

---
but have you ever checked out my website? www.dtaylorimages.com

  

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Case_One
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148. "Because WORDS matter. "
In response to Reply # 146


          

And you are trying to act brand new just to stand on a point. So stand Bro. We are good.

I don't think the grieving process is a selfish process and you do. We are clear. Our perspectives are based on obvious differences and world views. So, it's all good.


.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

  

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daryloneal
Member since Jan 08th 2005
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Mon Feb-02-15 10:22 AM

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149. "I got love for you Case and you know it, but you're saying..."
In response to Reply # 148


  

          

a whole bunch of nothing.

This has zero to do with words mattering and world views.

You continue to argue something that I'm not, so you're right I'll just leave you be.

Just because we choose not to use a word in a given situation doesn't mean that it's inaccurate.

You're making it about appropriateness just to be obtuse and stand in disagreement, which this has never been about.

---
but have you ever checked out my website? www.dtaylorimages.com

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
68751 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 12:29 PM

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68. "nah, while I think it's selfish to want someone to remain in pain"
In response to Reply # 57


          

rather than die...

I just don't think it's selfish to grieve over the loss of a love one.

If I see someone crying at a funeral or a few days later I've never thought they were being selfish. Just sad for the loss of a loved one.

  

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daryloneal
Member since Jan 08th 2005
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Fri Jan-30-15 01:03 PM

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87. "You're focused on the connotation, not the meaning."
In response to Reply # 68
Fri Jan-30-15 01:05 PM by daryloneal

  

          

The word means what it means.

Not all selfishness is bad. Not all selfishness is inappropriate.

When we grieve over a lost one, that is because of what it means for us, NOT because of what it means for them.

By definition, that is selfish. It's just a completely natural, acceptable, appropriate example of it.

I'm not sure how else to explain this.

---
but have you ever checked out my website? www.dtaylorimages.com

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
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Fri Jan-30-15 01:23 PM

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100. "I'm aware being selfish isn't always a negative"
In response to Reply # 87


          

but I can't wrap my head around grieving for a loved one being an act of selfishness...





  

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daryloneal
Member since Jan 08th 2005
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Fri Jan-30-15 01:31 PM

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104. "That's why we typically don't use the word when referring to grief."
In response to Reply # 100


  

          

>but I can't wrap my head around grieving for a loved one
>being an act of selfishness...
>

But it doesn't mean that Sepia was wrong.

That was my only point.

---
but have you ever checked out my website? www.dtaylorimages.com

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
68751 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 01:58 PM

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109. "gotcha"
In response to Reply # 104


          

  

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SoWhat
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Fri Jan-30-15 12:47 PM

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74. "it is, yes."
In response to Reply # 43


  

          

it's just weird that we act so new about our parents dying when we're adults. b/c they're supposed to die when we're adults. it's life. the other option is us dying before them, which is much worse.

fuck you.

  

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Sepia.
Member since Feb 25th 2009
12896 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 08:50 PM

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139. "You're right about that. "
In response to Reply # 74


  

          

The one point in my life when I felt suicidal, not wanting to hurt my parents
with the burden of burying their child was probably the biggest deterrent to me.

  

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Ted Gee Seal
Member since Apr 18th 2007
10084 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 01:56 PM

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108. "It does tend to be self focused"
In response to Reply # 43


  

          

>Whether you believe in an after-life or not, the person who's
>died is in a better place than you are.
>
>But you're left alive to miss them. Missing someone you'll
>never see again hurts.
>
>And it's okay to express that pain.
>
>
>I think you could try to be more compassionate about it.

A person can be caught up in the sadness of others, but I think there's a reason why we say "sorry for *your* loss."

If it wasn't self focused we would grieve far more heavily for the loss of others, but we don't, because those losses don't affect us as much.

Just IMO though.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
68751 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 11:16 AM

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44. "nah bruh... I do not agree. "
In response to Reply # 0


          


  

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southphillyman
Member since Oct 22nd 2003
90059 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 11:30 AM

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52. "wat"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

between this and all the beating rants you post like you really hate your parents
i get it, especially if you feel xyz about the past. but this ain't a complicated issue to understand really

~~~~~~

  

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lfresh
Member since Jun 18th 2002
92693 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 11:37 AM

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55. "true"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

>so why do we act so brand new about it?
>
>all of us should bury our parents. b/c if we don't then they
>have to bury us - and that's probably the worst thing that
>could happen to them. or right up there among the worst.
>
>meanwhile the 'order of things' requires that we bury them.
>
>it's normal. so why do we make such a huge deal of it?
>
>i guess when it happens when we're young it's hard b/c we feel
>like we still need them. like their job wasn't finished.
>that makes sense.
>
>but like...in our 30s? 40s? 50s? why be new about it?


but as an adult me and my mo worked very hard to get to this closeness we have now

before the relationship was parent to child
not a friendship

currently even though she is still my mom
there is alot of affection
and friendship

i know most of her story
its very deep and very touching

and jeez i'm tearing up now

i would hurt me horribly to lose her
~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

  

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SeV
Charter member
50081 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 11:41 AM

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56. "this dude said grieving a parent is acting brand new "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          




but im banned tho.
____________

Dallas Cavericks LETS GO!!

  

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JellyBean
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Fri Jan-30-15 11:58 AM

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61. "Yes we are supposed to bury them first"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

but that doesn't take away from the fact that I'll have to explain to my child(ren) that she's gone and deal with her hurt...on top of my hurt. I will be CRUSHED possibly beyond repair when Angela goes. Fuck how I'm supposed to act because "it's the natural order of things" IT'S MY DAMN MAMA!!!

"Holier than thou never sits well with me."(c)janey

"OKP spends way too much time looking for ways to be offended." ~legsdiamond


http://twitter.com/jeleighbean

  

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SoWhat
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Fri Jan-30-15 12:50 PM

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78. "right but the other option is worse."
In response to Reply # 61


  

          

you dying before her is much more devastating to her than her dying before you.

she's supposed to die before you. you are supposed to bury her. it's life.

fuck you.

  

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morpheme
Charter member
94867 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 11:59 AM

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62. "i think losing your spouse, THE ONE, is worse than losing a child..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

not apt for this post
but it needs to go somewhere.

  

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SHAstayhighalways
Member since Sep 03rd 2014
3696 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 12:12 PM

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66. "..."
In response to Reply # 62


  

          

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-H4JqD17hrdw/UdsktABYkPI/AAAAAAAARYk/TSdi5owkZFA/s1600/wtf2.gif

www.royallegacy.org

For Real (Official Video):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBRoCPO8esE

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
68751 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 12:30 PM

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69. "you are killing it with the gifs today...lol"
In response to Reply # 66
Fri Jan-30-15 12:30 PM by legsdiamond

          

pun not intended

  

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SHAstayhighalways
Member since Sep 03rd 2014
3696 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 12:48 PM

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76. "folks moving me to straight up speechlessness today fam. "
In response to Reply # 69


  

          

www.royallegacy.org

For Real (Official Video):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBRoCPO8esE

  

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StephBMore
Member since Sep 11th 2014
1373 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 12:21 PM

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67. "ehhh..."
In response to Reply # 62


  

          

I wish more ppl could chime in on this...but that would mean talking to ppl who actually lost both and would have to be hard.

but do you really think losing a person you're in love with, who you think is the ONE, or is the one, would hurt more than losing your son?

i feel like i can always find someone to fill that void if i lost a mate, but you really can't replace a child and ppl try to all the time which is why you see so many ppl adopting or getting pregnant right after they lose a child, but it doesn't help and that pain will always linger.

  

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rdhull
Charter member
32105 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 12:35 PM

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70. "not true."
In response to Reply # 62


  

          

>not apt for this post
>but it needs to go somewhere.

  

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Case_One
Charter member
54687 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 12:43 PM

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72. "WHAT!"
In response to Reply # 62


          


.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

  

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SoWhat
Charter member
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Fri Jan-30-15 12:48 PM

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77. "you may be right."
In response to Reply # 62


  

          

i'm one of those who would put my spouse before my child though.

fuck you.

  

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KiloMcG
Member since Jan 01st 2008
27443 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 12:56 PM

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82. "i doubt that you would if it really came down to it."
In response to Reply # 77


  

          

  

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SoWhat
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Fri Jan-30-15 12:58 PM

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84. "i think i would."
In response to Reply # 82


  

          

i agree w/that school of thought that says putting the marriage first is paramount. i wouldn't want to sacrifice my marriage for my kids.

it's us against the world.

fuck you.

  

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KiloMcG
Member since Jan 01st 2008
27443 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 01:00 PM

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85. "i understand what you're saying about put the marriage first."
In response to Reply # 84


  

          

but we're talking about life and death here. way different, imo.

  

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SoWhat
Charter member
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Fri Jan-30-15 01:09 PM

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88. "life and death - i'd save my husband first."
In response to Reply # 85


  

          

fuck you.

  

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SHAstayhighalways
Member since Sep 03rd 2014
3696 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 01:12 PM

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90. "but he's supposed to die before his kid. why you acting brand new?"
In response to Reply # 88


  

          

www.royallegacy.org

For Real (Official Video):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBRoCPO8esE

  

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SoWhat
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Fri Jan-30-15 01:15 PM

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92. "*pats head*"
In response to Reply # 90


  

          

fuck you.

  

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SHAstayhighalways
Member since Sep 03rd 2014
3696 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 01:19 PM

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93. "http://i.imgur.com/nAomDWR.gif"
In response to Reply # 92


  

          

http://i.imgur.com/nAomDWR.gif

www.royallegacy.org

For Real (Official Video):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBRoCPO8esE

  

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SoWhat
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Fri Jan-30-15 01:21 PM

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96. "RE: http://i.imgur.com/nAomDWR.gif"
In response to Reply # 93


  

          

https://2982-presscdn-29-70-pagely.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/Don-t_care.gif

fuck you.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
68751 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 01:19 PM

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95. "she has a point..... and don't touch my head bro. "
In response to Reply # 92


          

  

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SoWhat
Charter member
154163 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 01:21 PM

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97. "RE: she has a point..... and don't touch my head bro. "
In response to Reply # 95


  

          

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view5/4845414/nashville-deacon-don-t-care-o.gif

fuck you.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
68751 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 01:29 PM

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102. "RE: she has a point..... and don't touch my head bro. "
In response to Reply # 97


          

http://i.imgur.com/N6DpWg8.gif

  

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SoWhat
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103. "RE: she has a point..... and don't touch my head bro. "
In response to Reply # 102


  

          

http://media.giphy.com/media/7soS4ZEGIeau4/giphy-facebook_s.jpg

fuck you.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
68751 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 01:35 PM

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106. "RE: she has a point..... and don't touch my head bro. "
In response to Reply # 103


          

http://media.tumblr.com/3297e93097f33943cbf3e0ce7b1b3075/tumblr_inline_ngwlo2fx1g1qeto6u.gif

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
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86. "I seriously doubt this... "
In response to Reply # 77


          

  

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SoWhat
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89. "i bet you do."
In response to Reply # 86


  

          

fuck you.

  

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kayru99
Member since Jan 26th 2004
15812 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 01:22 PM

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98. "..the fuck? No. NOPE"
In response to Reply # 62


          

  

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Cold Truth
Member since Jan 28th 2004
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Fri Jan-30-15 01:22 PM

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99. "I think we all have our own hierarchy of loss/pain ratios. "
In response to Reply # 62


  

          

We all have that one person that would cause more pain than any other.

I have some friends whose death would hurt me more than others.

I have some relatives whose death would hurt me where I wouldn’t blink at others.

Wife and kids though? Can’t call it.

  

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Phenomenality
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117. "Fuck and No."
In response to Reply # 62


  

          


...

Vee is I and I am She

...

http://twitter.com/#!/Phenomenality
http://instagram.com/therealphenomenality
http://phenomenality.tumblr.com/archive

  

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cgonz00cc
Member since Aug 01st 2002
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Fri Jan-30-15 07:28 PM

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134. "i have neither, but i always figured id feel the same"
In response to Reply # 62


  

          

  

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Dr Claw
Member since Jun 25th 2003
131138 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 12:02 PM

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64. "the circumstances."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

  

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SoWhat
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80. "i agree there."
In response to Reply # 64


  

          

if they die under harsh circumstances (protracted illness, severe injury) that's tough b/c they suffered.

or if they lived an unfulfilled life it's rough to see them go b/c the hope that they'd find happiness is gone.

a HA. the lightbulb just turned on.

fuck you.

  

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Government Name
Member since Dec 16th 2005
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Fri Jan-30-15 12:38 PM

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71. "my reactions to death are usually related to how close i was w/ them"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

that's all.

________
http://twitter.com/aehorton
http://instagram.com/aehorton

  

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SoWhat
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81. "word. that's probably true for most of us."
In response to Reply # 71


  

          

fuck you.

  

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Cold Truth
Member since Jan 28th 2004
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Fri Jan-30-15 01:19 PM

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94. "The only thing 'brand new' is the question."
In response to Reply # 0
Fri Jan-30-15 01:22 PM by Cold Truth

  

          

That is, if you're serious. If that's the case, you're being 'logical' to the point of being ignorant if not downright callous.

My friend knew from the day her daughter was born that she wouldn’t have more than a few years if she were lucky. She finally died after her fourth birthday. The doctors could do nothing for her and they sent her home to live out her final days. My friend knew her daughter was on her last few breaths.

Was she “brand new” to grieve? In your example of burying parents, would her daughter be brand new were the roles reversed? Say, mom has an accident and has only a few years to live?

You’re either playing devil’s advocate here or you have a significant emotional disconnect with the grieving process if you think people are acting “brand new” when their parents die.

You care about someone, they die, that shit hurts whether you know it’s coming or not. The end.




  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
68751 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 01:33 PM

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105. "yup, like he wants a friend or lover to "get over it already" "
In response to Reply # 94


          

  

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Ted Gee Seal
Member since Apr 18th 2007
10084 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 01:53 PM

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107. "My cousins were Rod and Todd when their grandma passed"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

>so why do we act so brand new about it?
>
>all of us should bury our parents. b/c if we don't then they
>have to bury us - and that's probably the worst thing that
>could happen to them. or right up there among the worst.
>
>meanwhile the 'order of things' requires that we bury them.
>
>it's normal. so why do we make such a huge deal of it?
>
>i guess when it happens when we're young it's hard b/c we feel
>like we still need them. like their job wasn't finished.
>that makes sense.
>
>but like...in our 30s? 40s? 50s? why be new about it?
>
>

Just like on the Simpsons all "Yay! Grandma has gone to heaven, isn't that great?!"

They hadn't been indoctrinated into the culture of grief. As a young Christian I was often the same. I didn't grieve so much as accept this was a part of life and hope that they had moved on to a better place. These days it is easy to be caught up in the suffering of others' loss. If someone dies from cancer and there were hospital mistakes, it can be easy to take those mistakes on yourself. What if I'd asked more questions, done more research, stayed on top of the administrators. That guilt can manifest in a lot of grief, and seeing that pain in others can bring out an emotionally painful empathy.

I think the "brand new" aspect is largely due to the examples set by those around us.

When you have something that you take for granted removed from your everyday life it has an effect. That the change causes grief is self focused as I think Sepia was trying to say. People are sorry for *your* loss, not that the person didn't get a fair go at life, or that the world will be worse for all because of their passing. Some cultures, from what I've been told, have found ways to manage the grieving process differently, and less of that "brand new" behaviour results. I think it's mostly about examples and conditioning. If people were conditioned not to cry because it's over, but smile because it happened, then coping with loss might be a much different thing, and for some people it is.

Just IMO though.

  

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lingo
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111. "RE: our parents are supposed to die before us."
In response to Reply # 0


          

To insinuate that losing parents should not be as painful is an asinine presumption. The lost of any loved one at any age is hurtful.

  

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SoWhat
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114. "thanks for your answer, lings."
In response to Reply # 111
Fri Jan-30-15 02:26 PM by SoWhat

  

          

http://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrbqpjMihl1qab0qxo1_500.gif

fuck you.

  

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lingo
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118. "should have been clear enough"
In response to Reply # 114
Fri Jan-30-15 04:15 PM by lingo

          

To not write that dumb shit.

How in the entire fuq you gon tell folk how they should grieve and to what degree. Maaan take that gif and shove it up your ass.

  

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SoWhat
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119. ". . ."
In response to Reply # 118


  

          

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lu0vxj9pks1qj41h3o1_500.jpg

fuck you.

  

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dafriquan
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Fri Jan-30-15 05:50 PM

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126. "when did you return?"
In response to Reply # 111


  

          

or were you posting under a different name for a while?

  

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deejboram
Member since Sep 27th 2002
25755 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 02:13 PM

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112. "OKP will find a way to argue about ANYTHING"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

DEATH?
DEATH???
yall gone argue about how to grieve a DEATH OF YOUR PARENTS????

shezus christ!

****
pink toes: http://i.imgur.com/WN7DPL1

  

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janey
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Fri Jan-30-15 04:40 PM

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120. "you feel like an orphan, no matter what age"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

also, they've been alive as long as you've been alive so no matter what, there's a hole in your life, and I have a theory that the longer someone lives, the more you trick yourself into believing they're immortal.

~ ~ ~
All meetings end in separation
All acquisition ends in dispersion
All life ends in death
- The Buddha

|\_/|
='_'=

Every hundred years, all new people

  

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SoWhat
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Fri Jan-30-15 05:03 PM

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123. "i see that w/my mom."
In response to Reply # 120


  

          

she's in her 60s and feels like an orphan.

i think you're right - we think our parents are immortal. so when they die, though they're supposed to, we take it hard. harder than we should logically. but emotion tends to defy logic.

fuck you.

  

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janey
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138. "well, you know, she *is* an orphan"
In response to Reply # 123


  

          

I found that there's some kind of weird thing to not have a preceding generation above you. It makes you feel your own mortality and like you're on your own with no one with more experience than you to run things past. So now I'm on my own without adult supervision. It's dumb to even think that way because I parented my parents and didn't have adult supervision as a child, but there it is. I didn't take it hard, exactly, but it is a kind of weird feeling.

~ ~ ~
All meetings end in separation
All acquisition ends in dispersion
All life ends in death
- The Buddha

|\_/|
='_'=

Every hundred years, all new people

  

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SoWhat
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Mon Feb-02-15 09:21 AM

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144. "that makes sense."
In response to Reply # 138


  

          

fuck you.

  

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MME
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Fri Jan-30-15 05:08 PM

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124. "Fuck you"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

I miss my mother very much. She died when I was 38. I mean, you're right, in theory...but none of that you said lessens the pain of missing the person that brought me into the world and who was my best friend.

____________________________

FUCK DONALD TRUMP

  

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SoWhat
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Fri Jan-30-15 05:30 PM

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125. "i wasn't trying to lessen your pain"
In response to Reply # 124


  

          

considering i knew nothing about it.

the OP speaks for itself. if you give a damn and i don't care if you don't you can read the rest of my replies in here where i expound.

but if you don't...*shrugs*

fuck you.

  

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MME
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Fri Jan-30-15 06:43 PM

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129. "yeah, ok....."
In response to Reply # 125


  

          

>considering i knew nothing about it.
>
>the OP speaks for itself. if you give a damn and i don't care
>if you don't you can read the rest of my replies in here where
>i expound.
>
>but if you don't...*shrugs*

smh

____________________________

FUCK DONALD TRUMP

  

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afrogirl_lost
Member since May 22nd 2012
3014 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 07:00 PM

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131. "My Dad died when I was 26...the pain was visceral"
In response to Reply # 0


          

and still hasn't gone away. I spoke to my Dad every day, and hung out with him a couple times a week. You never stop missing them, especially if you were close.

  

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SeV
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Fri Jan-30-15 07:31 PM

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135. "please archive this dumbass post btw"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          


but im banned tho.
____________

Dallas Cavericks LETS GO!!

  

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initiationofplato
Member since Nov 06th 2013
2420 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 07:38 PM

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136. "This post is kinda sad"
In response to Reply # 0


          

Some of the replies at least. I *try* not to think about what may come, and instead work towards making today a nice experience for myself and my folks. I try to make amends for things I know I did wrong, and I try not to think about the future at all. Just doing my best to enjoy the grand illusion I spose.

~Experience is the currency of the soul.

  

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Mgmt
Member since Feb 17th 2005
21350 posts
Fri Jan-30-15 07:55 PM

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137. "You're so irreverent and daring"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

What a card you are

>so why do we act so brand new about it?
>
>all of us should bury our parents. b/c if we don't then they
>have to bury us - and that's probably the worst thing that
>could happen to them. or right up there among the worst.
>
>meanwhile the 'order of things' requires that we bury them.
>
>it's normal. so why do we make such a huge deal of it?
>
>i guess when it happens when we're young it's hard b/c we feel
>like we still need them. like their job wasn't finished.
>that makes sense.
>
>but like...in our 30s? 40s? 50s? why be new about it?
>
>

  

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bayoubyyou
Member since Nov 06th 2005
17775 posts
Mon Feb-02-15 09:54 AM

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147. "Man...the saddest.I've ever seen my mom is at her mom's funeral"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

And my grandmother was 95.

____________________
http://twitter.com/poopsykins
http://instagram.com/latoya_d_d
http://malditogrillo.tumblr.com
____________________

  

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Case_One
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Mon Feb-02-15 10:22 AM

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150. "BTW, I lost my mom in 96 when I was 22 and "
In response to Reply # 0


          

I wish a MugFoo would have asked me why am I acting so brand new about it? Or come at me with that "it's normal. so why are you making a huge deal of it?"

That person would have needed some flowers and nursing care.


.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

  

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Ted Gee Seal
Member since Apr 18th 2007
10084 posts
Tue Feb-03-15 02:00 AM

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153. "well this post is about people in their 30s and above"
In response to Reply # 150


  

          

>I wish a MugFoo would have asked me why am I acting so brand
>new about it? Or come at me with that "it's normal. so why are
>you making a huge deal of it?"
>
>That person would have needed some flowers and nursing care.
>
>

But predictably being irrelevant doesn't get in the way of your desire for violence because you're overly sensitive to words.

Just IMO though.

  

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dustin
Member since Feb 21st 2004
3983 posts
Mon Feb-02-15 01:38 PM

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151. "my mom passed in August"
In response to Reply # 0


          

I was 25 then, 26 now. We were close. Hurts A LOT but I do see your angle and I've kinda rationalized it a little bit like that. I'm glad that I didn't go before her cause I wouldn't want her to feel the emotional pain I'm feeling. There's an emptiness I'm always gonna feel but it's a part of life and I had to find a way to keeping going while I deal with it.

I'm doing alright almost 6 months on.. It's funny how the most random thing can make me think of her.

  

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bibblegolf
Member since Oct 19th 2004
21831 posts
Mon Feb-02-15 08:16 PM

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152. "It's called GRIEVING for a reason..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

...no one on this planet should judge anyone else's mourning process of a deceased parent.

period. point. blank.

"The more a country produces..the richer it is...the better it should take care of it's people. - Dr. Aleida Guevara"

  

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TheAlbionist
Member since Jul 04th 2011
3306 posts
Tue Feb-03-15 04:51 AM

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154. "I agree, but in slightly softer words."
In response to Reply # 0
Tue Feb-03-15 04:52 AM by TheAlbionist

  

          

I don't know if "brand new" is quite fair - these are upheavals that however commonly experienced by humanity as a whole (you're right, parents SHOULD die before kids; that is the order of things), it only gets experienced by most individuals a maximum of twice in a lifetime - losing a parent is always going to feel pretty "new"... that's rites of passage for you.

But, I honestly agree your rationale should help in the long run; at least it's the approach I try to take. Nobody's been wronged by the fates if their parents die once they've been fully raised and become an adult.. everything after you're grown is a bonus. If, like a couple of people have said, you've managed to cultivate an 'adult' friendship with your Mother or Father, you've already got more than most people can hope for from that relationship... you won at this shit already. Remember and realise that! Holding on to fantasies, however subconscious, of immortality is only going to take the shine off in the long run.



>so why do we act so brand new about it?
>
>all of us should bury our parents. b/c if we don't then they
>have to bury us - and that's probably the worst thing that
>could happen to them. or right up there among the worst.
>
>meanwhile the 'order of things' requires that we bury them.
>
>it's normal. so why do we make such a huge deal of it?
>
>i guess when it happens when we're young it's hard b/c we feel
>like we still need them. like their job wasn't finished.
>that makes sense.
>
>but like...in our 30s? 40s? 50s? why be new about it?
>
>

_______________________________

))<>((
forever.

  

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ConcreteCharlie
Member since Nov 21st 2002
71344 posts
Sat Feb-07-15 02:26 AM

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155. "why are you such a prostitute for attention?"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

And you will know MY JACKET IS GOLD when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

  

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