so why do we act so brand new about it?

all of us should bury our parents. b/c if we don't then they have to bury us - and that's probably the worst thing that could happen to them. or right up there among the worst.

meanwhile the 'order of things' requires that we bury them.

it's normal. so why do we make such a huge deal of it?

i guess when it happens when we're young it's hard b/c we feel like we still need them. like their job wasn't finished. that makes sense.

but like...in our 30s? 40s? 50s? why be new about it?

fuck you.

what does being sad have to be acting brand new?


I dont think I need my parents anymore. I go 2-3 weeks without talking to them sometimes, but I know when they go--I'm gonna be feeling it like shit.

---
"though time has passed, im still the future" (c) black thought

she doesn't want one and neither do i.

if the rest of the family throws one that's different. but i can't see it.

all of my parents have said they don't want a funeral. i'm so down w/it.

there'll be a memorial dinner somewhere. or brunch.

and yeah i'll be sad. for sure.

i was sad when my grandmother died but then i was not so sad b/c she was old and she's supposed to die before me and all of her kids. sadly she had to bury one of her daughters and one of her grandkids. but her death wasn't so terribly sad for me. not like when i lost a cousin - she died too young.

fuck you.

my dad... I've written him off a long time ago

my mom... our relationship isn't the easiest but I'd be tight if I didn't get a timely phone call or if I got shut out of all the procedurals.

I'll be sad but I've been learning to swallow it for a while

If anything just watching your folks grow old is more unsettling than their actual demise.


"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

www.twitter.com/bedstuybetty
http://bedstuybetty.tumblr.com/
DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

yes, if the death is hard on them (like they wasted away or were severely injured) that's rough.

that makes sense.

fuck you.

I don't care how old she is or I am.

unless y'all die at the same time...you should live for a time w/o her. otherwise she has to live w/o you.

i feel the same way but i'm prepared for it. i will have to live w/o my parents. i hope.

fuck you.

But I loved my mother, and seeing her suffer from pancreatic cancer was extremely rough. But yes, I know that this is the natural order of things, but it doesn't mean I don't miss someone that I love. Not being able to hear them laugh, or have them to play with their grandchildren still stings. Not sure why that's a surprise to anyone.

Famousfarrah.com <--- a webseries I worked on

fuck you.

My fiancé's parents are older than both of mine. It's gonna be rough losing them as well. She's an only child and though they're divorced they became good friends through and for her.
I've started to try to build a relationship between her and my family more lately.
I can go weeks without talking to mine, random texts, "I'm alive" messages have always sufficed. But it's important to me that she starts to feel comfortable with building a relationship with them.

I lost my grandma randomly in 2008. She one of my closest friends. That really fucked me up. I don't think I expected her to be around forever. But more that she'd fade and you can mentally prepare for something like that.

------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

Neither event should be new to us in that regard.

______________________________________

Everything looks like Oprah kissing Harvey Weinstein these days

I don't think the Bible says when Cain died.

#justsayin


"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

www.twitter.com/bedstuybetty
http://bedstuybetty.tumblr.com/
DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

?

lest they themselves be killed or something. That doesn't mean he'd live forever, just that none would seek vengeance against him.

______________________________________

Everything looks like Oprah kissing Harvey Weinstein these days

still though, it's as "natural" as one burying their parents and of course just as heart wrenching.

On a side note that's even more disturbing. The first man born was a murderer-- Yeesh.

______________________________________

Everything looks like Oprah kissing Harvey Weinstein these days

over something mundane and then you realize that you'll never be able to do that again.

That to me is going to be heartbreaking. Not her missing big moments in my life, but the idea that one day I'll just want to hear her opinions on the news or a TV show but I won't be able to do it.

cousin - that's harder. grandmother? i've come to terms w/it, mostly.

fuck you.

My brother used to call my mom like 4 times a day. So when I'd get together with my mom for lunch or whatever, it would be a routine thing that he'd call while we were together. He didn't always want to get off the phone, so sometimes our conversation would be interrupted by her taking a 10-15 minute call with him.

A couple of weeks ago, we were having lunch, and her phone rang. My first instinct was "oh great, it's Mark again." Then I caught myself, and realized it was never going to be him ever again.

It's the little things...

*Jews you*

"this is okp tho, reading is completely optional" (c) desus

Proceed with caution. I am overtly racist.

<-- In Pigpen we trust

I was at my grandma's house, hanging out watching tv, and she was making a plate of food. I'm like "who you making that plate for grandma?" she goes "kelly, you know he's going to want to eat when he gets in." and i have the blank face and my mom goes "mom, you know Kelly is dead." and she just stops and says "oh yeah, sometimes i forget." and left the plate and went upstairs to bed.

my heart was so broken for her and for myself...but yeah it is the simple things you miss that hurt the most.

.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts..." -The Bard

>over something mundane and then you realize that you'll never
>be able to do that again.
>
>That to me is going to be heartbreaking. Not her missing big
>moments in my life, but the idea that one day I'll just want
>to hear her opinions on the news or a TV show but I won't be
>able to do it.



i get all my recipes from my mom
no longer is she a phone call away to tell me how to get my gravy right
lost recipes.

****
pink toes: http://i.imgur.com/WN7DPL1

I just turned 40. I've lived as long without him as I did with him (which blows my mind).

I often wonder what he would think of the weird twists & turns my life has taken.

She died on my 15th birthday. 12 years ago this coming Monday.

She was such a large part of my childhood, sometimes I forget that she never knew me as an adult.


"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts..." -The Bard

prototype

stand ur ground, believe in urself,
believe in love, prepare urself for love, remove the negativity from ur life, and accept the love u kno u deserve

***
I'm tryna be better off, not better than...

fuck you.

So What is right. But it just feels cold and clinical for me to think of it that way.

and relatives have lost a parent in the last few years....and that shit is scary.

When my mom lost her dad, yeah she was 40...but he was 65, in great-great health, and...was killed on the way to Church on Father's Day in a car accident. So the way someone dies also makes it a lot harder to take.

------------------------------

50+ FREE Mixes on www.DJR-Tistic.com!

Twitter and Instagram - @DJ_RTistic

my dad i didn't cry so much as he was older and lived a full life
my mom's death too everyone by surprise as she wasn't even old enough to get Social Security yet
if she'd have lived another 15 years it would be less painful for me

my mom could still do the stanky leg and dutty whine when she died
she was hella young at heart

but yeah, i feel you overall tho
i mean over all your body

****
pink toes: http://i.imgur.com/WN7DPL1

fuck you.

but my mom was 63 when she died
i could (and would) run the streets with my mom
we'd "DO VEGAS" together
like literally me and my mom flying out to vegas and tearing down the town for a weekend
san francisco
we bar hopping
im the more sober of the two so im trying to drive us back to the hotel from the haight
windows down in the rental car feeling the breeze
we hear some live jazz coming out this cafe
and before she could yell "STOP!!!!" i was already smashing breaks and bending a left to circle back and hit that lil spot up
we found a park
dipped in there
had a few more dranks and closed the place out

it was a cute lil jazzy spot but nobody was dancing so me and my mom sparked up a impromptu dancefloor and danced until they turned the lights on (last call)

i wont go into the stanky leg or dutty whine stories

ahhhhh the memories...

****
pink toes: http://i.imgur.com/WN7DPL1

fuck you.

my sister was beefing with my mom when my mom died in a car accident.

To this day my sister ain't right because she didn't have closure.

>To this day my sister ain't right because she didn't have
>closure.

in 2009 she stood me up for a trip to Maui
i lost a lot of bread on those tickets
so i always wanted us to redeem that trip
i got too busy
then she always be doing her own thing
and we never got around to it

now THAT woulda been a trip and a half
seeing my mom geek out looking at them crystal clear waters

oh well...

****
pink toes: http://i.imgur.com/WN7DPL1

and now you have kids that know them and love them so the attachment matures into something else.

www.anthologyfmn.com

Enter the Written World of Fahim Malik Nassar

The House of Caine (available)

Melancholoy Funk (available)

Tha Anthology (Words 2001-2003) Poetry inspired by OKP and Wash, DC
(available)

The Spook who sat by the Radio Poetry (av

and it is new. you only get one mommma/daddy. so when they (they = momma) pass, shit will be new to me and I'll be fucked up for while.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

It maters not the when or the how, but the fact that they will no longer be here in the natural.

Have you ever lost a family member that was close to you?



.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

http://i.imgur.com/A6GWB3j.gif

www.royallegacy.org

For Real (Official Video):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBRoCPO8esE

..and I KNEW for awhile that she be gone soon.

But, like tariqhu said, you can't logic your way out of emotions.

In the last 10 years, I have lost my mother, father, stepfather and the grandmother who helped raise me.

Even though I'm in my 40's. I feel like an orphan.

>..and I KNEW for awhile that she be gone soon.
>
>But, like tariqhu said, you can't logic your way out of
>emotions.
>
>In the last 10 years, I have lost my mother, father,
>stepfather and the grandmother who helped raise me.
>
>Even though I'm in my 40's. I feel like an orphan.
>
>


.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

and i'm like...really? b/c...what else was supposed to happen?

but you're in your 40s and what you're saying makes sense. your parents were young when they died so that's a hard loss.

fuck you.

long ago (also in his 40's).

in about the same span he's lost his mother, father, brother, half brother (well, he wasn't raised w/ him but they ain't live too far away), some aunts, a couple friends. and this last year, an ex, his rehab counselor and a couple cats he grew up with.

he's like, "D, death is just all around me, man".

it's really messing with him, especially since he's trying to get his life together, and do something positive for his girls and his son.

it ain't a lot of wisdom i can provide him. even Job would be like, dayum. i pray with him and for him and try to just let him talk it out when things get bleak.


i'm very sorry for your losses. (and i wasn't trying to one up you w/ my cuz's experiences -- i can't fathom the level of loss either of you have experienced). i'll be praying for you and your fam, too, though.

and i need to call my cuz.




peace & blessings,

x.

www.twitter.com/poetx

=========================================
I'm an advocate for working smarter, not harder. If you just
focus on working hard you end up making someone else rich and
not having much to show for it. (c) mad

as he is recovering from two blood clots in his head, it's a lot harder than that.

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

http://blackpeopleonlocalnews.tumblr.com/

I really do pray for the healing power of God to rest on your father and His comfort to rest on your family.


.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

I will pray for his speedy and complete recovery.

here for dis.

www.royallegacy.org

For Real (Official Video):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBRoCPO8esE

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

http://blackpeopleonlocalnews.tumblr.com/

and, really, for everyone in this post.

a lot of us in here 10 years deep on this here board. its kind of amazing to see how we've aged.

i been thinking about all of this a lot. my wife's grandmother just passed. we going up to bmore next week for the funeral. she was 89.


peace & blessings,

x.

www.twitter.com/poetx

=========================================
I'm an advocate for working smarter, not harder. If you just
focus on working hard you end up making someone else rich and
not having much to show for it. (c) mad

Done.

************************************************************

Nigga, if the shoe fits, then buy the matching purse!" Rass Kass

=(
~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

fuck you.

Peace, love, blessings, all that.

losing either of them
i know it's inevitable but i always worry

well, i hope to lose them. b/c otherwise i'm dying first and i don't want that.

but they're gonna die and i'm going to have to deal w/that. i hope.

fuck you.

they love. there's your answer



"If you wanna help us, fine. Sit down with your kids and make 'em study at night...otherwise, shoot THIS mothaf*cka!" (c) Morgan Freeman,

---
but have you ever checked out my website? www.dtaylorimages.com

.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

Whether you believe in an after-life or not, the person who's died is in a better place than you are.

But you're left alive to miss them. Missing someone you'll never see again hurts.

And it's okay to express that pain.


I think you could try to be more compassionate about it.

my pastor back home does a great job of taking a funeral from grief to celebration but I don't think it's selfish to grieve.

It's natural to be selfish as well. That's why altruism is interesting.


What I mean by calling grieving selfish is, your grief doesn't do anything to help the dead. Or the people around you.
It's just an expression of the loss you feel. And there's nothing wrong with expressing the pain of that loss.

Where do y'all come up with this stuff.



.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

Get out of your feelings, into logic, and realize that we're basically on the same side.

But I understand this is OKP and everybody is smarter then the next person.


.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

"Selfish" has a negative connotation, but it isn't always negative.

If you're overly stressed and take a day off where you turn off your phone and lay in bed all day, that's selfish. But it's okay if that's what you need to do. It isn't negative, it's necessary.

In this case, you grieve because you hurt. Because YOU miss the person. Because of the impact that is has on YOUR life.

But the fact that the person is no longer in pain (if that was the scenario), isn't a bad thing.

Therefore your grief is of selfish nature. But it's fine.

My grandmother passed away at 83 last year and I still cry some days. It's selfish but I miss her daily.

---
but have you ever checked out my website? www.dtaylorimages.com

as an act of selfishness. Grief isn't about wanting to keep something for yourself or keeping it aways from someone else. Grief is a natural emotion that helps humans to express a sense of loss that cannot be at times articulated and formulated into words.

That's why they have Grief Counselors, Chaplains, Pastoral Care teams, etc.


>"Selfish" has a negative connotation, but it isn't always
>negative.
>
>If you're overly stressed and take a day off where you turn
>off your phone and lay in bed all day, that's selfish. But
>it's okay if that's what you need to do. It isn't negative,
>it's necessary.
>
>In this case, you grieve because you hurt. Because YOU miss
>the person. Because of the impact that is has on YOUR life.
>
>But the fact that the person is no longer in pain (if that was
>the scenario), isn't a bad thing.
>
>Therefore your grief is of selfish nature. But it's fine.
>
>My grandmother passed away at 83 last year and I still cry
>some days. It's selfish but I miss her daily.


And taking time to heal is never an act of selfishness. That's like you breaking your leg and having to stay home form work and folks call you selfish.


The problem is that people fail to realize that the human mind and soul needs time to heal via grieving just like a broken leg. And ain't nothing selfish about that.

But we are going just agree to disagree. I'll stick with what I know to be true.


.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

The word isn't used in this situation because it has a negative connotation, NOT because it's ACTUALLY negative in all situations.

I gave an example where this is true.

Grief is another one.

We don't refer to it as selfish because of the connotation, not because of what it means.

For you to combat that is just to be stubborn.

---
but have you ever checked out my website? www.dtaylorimages.com

I know my vocation and you know your's. I'm going to disagree and KIM on this selfish topic.



.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

Selfish just means that you're only focused on yourself.

When you're grieving, all of that counseling and coping and whatnot is about YOU. Coming to terms with YOU no longer being able to see the person that died. Dealing with how YOU are going to move on from this. Everything about the grieving process revolves around YOU, and getting YOU through it.

It doesn't have to be negative to be selfish.

*Jews you*

"this is okp tho, reading is completely optional" (c) desus

Proceed with caution. I am overtly racist.

<-- In Pigpen we trust

when my mom passed and all those people showed up and grieving and crying....

I didn't see anyone being selfish or doing it for themselves.

I just saw a packed church filled with people who loved her and grieved because she was gone too soon.

b/c when you say "I didn't see anyone being selfish or doing it for themselves" it still infers a negative connotation on the word selfish, as if the mourners would be doing something bad.

Instead, think of it as "the entire grieving process is an *internalized* ordeal. all of the things that you feel, and all of the emotions that you show, and all of the people you talk to about the way that you're feeling are steps in a process that allow YOU to feel better about the pain that YOU feel, and come to terms with the loss that YOU experienced. The process ends when YOU are able to move on with your life after the loss YOU experienced, and can cope with the pain YOU feel inside."

*Jews you*

"this is okp tho, reading is completely optional" (c) desus

Proceed with caution. I am overtly racist.

<-- In Pigpen we trust

I love how ya'll will break your necks to good against the truth of the matter.

Grief is not a selfish emotion or process and no one what deal with grief will ever tell someone that. But I'll y'all cook.

.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

Facts:

Grief is the process of accepting the loss of a loved one. It's YOU taking YOUR time to get through what the loss of that person means for YOU.

Self = YOU (me). Oneself, in particular

Selfish = being concerned, sometimes excessively or exclusively, for oneself or one's own advantage, pleasure, or welfare, regardless of others.

When someone dies, it isn't a bad thing for them. If they are saved, especially, as people of faith we know this to be a good thing as they rest with our Father in heaven.

When we grieve, it often prevents us from celebrating the life and transition of our loved ones to be with our Father in heaven because we haven't yet fully accepted how their death impacts US.

Grief also causes those around us to focus on helping US feel better about something positive that has happened for someone else because it has made US feel bad.

This means that the grieving process is inherently selfish, although it is also NATURAL, UNDERSTANDABLE, often REQUIRED, and NOT negative.

YOUR view:

Selfish is bad, grieving isn't bad, so grieving can't be selfish.

We shall let you cook.

---
but have you ever checked out my website? www.dtaylorimages.com