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Subject: "Dating/Marriage Age Gaps" Previous topic | Next topic
stattic
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Fri Jan-23-15 11:28 AM

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"Dating/Marriage Age Gaps"


  

          


Anyone dating someone much older or younger than you? Have you done so in the past? What is the largest gap that you would be comfortable with? Wondering about the issues with a big gap, so talk to me about your experiences.

  

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
I'm 32 i'd date anywhere between 24-36
Jan 23rd 2015
1
largest gap I ever did was 7 years older
Jan 23rd 2015
2
did you experience any significant age-related issues?
Jan 23rd 2015
3
      tbh the reason we broke up the first time was the age gap
Jan 23rd 2015
5
my husband is 6 years older. 1st husband was 11 years older
Jan 23rd 2015
4
Did he even realize that he was treating you that way?
Jan 23rd 2015
12
Nope and when i pointed it out, he wouldn't/couldn't stop
Jan 23rd 2015
26
Seen that a lot
Jan 26th 2015
34
i routinely dated 10-20 years older when i was young.
Jan 23rd 2015
6
I've dated +/- 10 years. Mostly with younger women tho
Jan 23rd 2015
7
the older i get the more i seem to attract younger men
Jan 23rd 2015
8
Dating a chick 20 Years younger than me
Jan 23rd 2015
9
Her father should shoot you nm
Jan 26th 2015
33
I liked dating girls when 20-23 when I was 27. I'm 33, hasn't changed.
Jan 23rd 2015
10
MY wife is 6 years younger than I am..
Jan 23rd 2015
11
The largest gap for me would be 12 yrs. which is the largest gap
Jan 23rd 2015
13
they definitely be throwing it out...
Jan 23rd 2015
18
not really. i dated a dude 3 years younger
Jan 23rd 2015
14
For what reason? Stability, maturity?
Jan 23rd 2015
16
      40 ain't 60
Jan 23rd 2015
17
      and salt and pepper hair/beards are sexy as shit
Jan 23rd 2015
19
           appreciated
Jan 23rd 2015
23
                oh snap I ain't even know!
Jan 23rd 2015
27
      maturity perhaps
Jan 23rd 2015
20
when i was 25 i dated a 35 year old
Jan 23rd 2015
15
I'm in the largest gap relationship ever right now..
Jan 23rd 2015
21
7 years...
Jan 23rd 2015
22
I haven't, but id like try dating a man in his 40s
Jan 23rd 2015
24
My last girlfriend was 8 years younger. Never again.
Jan 23rd 2015
25
dudes married to chicks 5+ yrs younger are selfish imo
Jan 23rd 2015
28
i was dating this guy like 10 years older...
Jan 23rd 2015
30
lol
Jan 26th 2015
36
      he had small kids too
Jan 26th 2015
39
           It's sad when people get like that.
Jan 27th 2015
43
All love has selfish elements - 5+ more years will generally
Jan 26th 2015
31
Dated a 35/36 year old when I was 23.
Jan 23rd 2015
29
My husband is 11 years older than me
Jan 26th 2015
32
11 years
Jan 26th 2015
35
In the past, I dated 9-12yrs older. two long-term.
Jan 26th 2015
37
same here. mostly cause i still like guys the same age
Jan 26th 2015
38
So let's say a 31 female marries a 57 year old male
Jan 26th 2015
40
15 yrs was too much.
Jan 26th 2015
41
Wife is 7 years younger...and we have a 16 month old daughter
Jan 27th 2015
42
I normally ride a ten to twenty year gap.
Jan 27th 2015
44
i almost married a man two years younger than me but i was like his momm...
Jan 27th 2015
45
I did 10 years before
Jan 27th 2015
46

Cenario
Member since Aug 24th 2005
56944 posts
Fri Jan-23-15 11:29 AM

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1. "I'm 32 i'd date anywhere between 24-36"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.

  

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BabySoulRebel
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Fri Jan-23-15 11:30 AM

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2. "largest gap I ever did was 7 years older"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

we dated for 3 years total.

here for dis.

  

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stattic
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Fri Jan-23-15 11:33 AM

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3. "did you experience any significant age-related issues?"
In response to Reply # 2


  

          

  

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BabySoulRebel
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Fri Jan-23-15 11:57 AM

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5. "tbh the reason we broke up the first time was the age gap"
In response to Reply # 3


  

          

I was 21 going on 22
he had just turned 29
as much as we loved and cared for each other, I still had to go and live out my twenties. By the time we broke up, we had spent almost 2 years together then.
We reunited at the tail end of my twenties and it was a lot better in terms of understanding each other's positions in life in general. We ended up splitting again due to communication issues the 2nd time which were totally unrelated to the age gap.

Now that I'm 30, I'd only be adverse to that big of a gap again if there was a big difference in lifestyles. I'm not clubbing 24/7 but I still like to grab a drink, maybe hit a gallery, definitely hit up a hip-hop show and my next SO needs to be compatible with that.

here for dis.

  

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Damali
Member since Sep 12th 2002
34584 posts
Fri Jan-23-15 11:36 AM

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4. "my husband is 6 years older. 1st husband was 11 years older"
In response to Reply # 0


          

a decade gap was way too much, i have to say. I was 25 and he was 36 when we married and half the time, he treated me like i was a child

even now, my ex is 54, whereas my husband is 49. those 5 years make a BIG difference, imo.

d

  

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stattic
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Fri Jan-23-15 12:18 PM

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12. "Did he even realize that he was treating you that way?"
In response to Reply # 4


  

          

I feel like that could pose an issue. One may unintentionally school their younger spouse like a child without considering his or her life experiences or lack thereof. I'm working with a similar age difference to your first marriage right now. That's why I initially asked.

  

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Damali
Member since Sep 12th 2002
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Fri Jan-23-15 04:16 PM

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26. "Nope and when i pointed it out, he wouldn't/couldn't stop"
In response to Reply # 12


          


  

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Ted Gee Seal
Member since Apr 18th 2007
10084 posts
Mon Jan-26-15 05:32 PM

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34. "Seen that a lot"
In response to Reply # 4


  

          

>he treated me like i was a child

Too easy a habit for a man to slip into if they're a certain type and/or don't watch themselves.

Just IMO though.

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
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Fri Jan-23-15 11:58 AM

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6. "i routinely dated 10-20 years older when i was young."
In response to Reply # 0
Fri Jan-23-15 11:58 AM by ndibs

          

no age related issues. since my late 20s and now in my early 30s i mostly date guys my age. but, they tend to be focused on work, career advancement, making money. so the age related issues have been related to that. this is the situation with the guy i'm talking to now. distance is very much an issue too since he lives in france.

actually there was an age related issue when i was living with someone about 10 years older, he wanted kids like now and i didn't. we were pretty well matched otherwise. both black (well he was mixed race) and grew up in the midwest and creative types. both pretty ladiback and never really had serious arguments. i just didn't want a serious relationship at that age. i was living with him bc it was better than a roomate situation.

  

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8-bit
Member since Jan 12th 2010
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Fri Jan-23-15 12:00 PM

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7. "I've dated +/- 10 years. Mostly with younger women tho"
In response to Reply # 0
Fri Jan-23-15 12:02 PM by 8-bit

  

          

Dated a few women where there was a 9/10 year age difference. Not a problem. Dated a woman 9 years older than me when I was in my early 20s, and that was weird. She had too much "been there, done that" in her attitude for me. Not really interested in women older than me for this reason alone.

The younger women I got along with well, only problems were the typical goofy young chick stuff. As I get older this is less of an issue.

---
http://twitter.com/logicalhood
http://instagram.com/hoodlogic

  

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blackrussian
Member since Oct 17th 2010
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Fri Jan-23-15 12:04 PM

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8. "the older i get the more i seem to attract younger men"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

although i'd really prefer to date someone my age or older.

  

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Crisco
Member since May 21st 2003
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Fri Jan-23-15 12:05 PM

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9. "Dating a chick 20 Years younger than me "
In response to Reply # 0
Fri Jan-23-15 12:06 PM by Crisco

  

          

The only issue we have is her taste in music.
SHe loves the commercial urban station.
I hate listening to that station.
BUt she fine as hell so I keep the road trips short
and grin and bear it. LOL

My ideal age range is for her to be 10 or so years younger.

---------------------------------------
My Sig - Nig!!
Hip Hop is a perfect verse over a dope beat!!

Just a Day in the Life, Of a Playa for Life!!
My Datpiff Page
http://www.datpiff.com/JayfromJerz-and-DJ-Sat-One-The-Bee-Sides-mixtape.709908.html
http://

  

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afrogirl_lost
Member since May 22nd 2012
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Mon Jan-26-15 02:55 PM

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33. "Her father should shoot you nm"
In response to Reply # 9


          

  

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ConcreteCharlie
Member since Nov 21st 2002
71302 posts
Fri Jan-23-15 12:12 PM

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10. "I liked dating girls when 20-23 when I was 27. I'm 33, hasn't changed."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

But it depends what you are after. Like if you are looking to get married and the whole shit, no, tighten up the gap for sure.

If you want to have fun and fuck around, by all means, have at it.

Right now my girlfriend is 21 and she is still in this dreamer phase and she is also, for the most part, lazy as fuck. That's the most innervating thing, listening to her big plans and then seeing her do nothing. So now I've just chilled and stopped worrying about it. She will sink or swim on her own and of course if I can help her in some meaningful way, great.

It's been a fine attitude for what we have going, but for a while there we were thinking bigger. That was a mistake. I don't think it's fair to anyone that age to be looking at "settling down."

When I was that age, I did the opposite, dated a woman in her early 30s while I was a sophomore/junior in college. She wanted to settle down and at the time I thought it was unfair that she didn't even consider giving me that opportunity (dumped me for a guy in his 40s who worked in her same field at another university). Looking back on it, of course she did the right thing not only for herself but for me, too.

And you will know MY JACKET IS GOLD when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
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Fri Jan-23-15 12:17 PM

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11. "MY wife is 6 years younger than I am.."
In response to Reply # 0


          

I'm sorry but when I hear about people dating someone 20 years older when they were in their late teens or early 20's it's a WTF moment in my mind.

  

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vee-lover
Member since Jul 30th 2007
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Fri Jan-23-15 01:46 PM

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13. "The largest gap for me would be 12 yrs. which is the largest gap"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

between me and a woman I've dated

But is is tempting to go younger because these young chicks be throwing it at you nowadays.

grassrootsphilosopher

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
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Fri Jan-23-15 02:26 PM

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18. "they definitely be throwing it out..."
In response to Reply # 13


          

but that youth also comes that youthful mind state...




  

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teefiveten
Member since Oct 02nd 2008
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Fri Jan-23-15 02:02 PM

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14. "not really. i dated a dude 3 years younger"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

that's as gappy as i get
i tend to attract dudes near my own age and younger
i'd like to date an older man actually. not too much older but someone a little over 40

*************************************
like.me
http://tinyurl.com/3z8486u

"if the children are not initiated into the village they will burn it down just to feel its warmth." - african proverb

  

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stattic
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Fri Jan-23-15 02:22 PM

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16. "For what reason? Stability, maturity?"
In response to Reply # 14


  

          


u like gray hair and saggy skin?

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
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Fri Jan-23-15 02:24 PM

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17. "40 ain't 60"
In response to Reply # 16


          

  

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BabySoulRebel
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Fri Jan-23-15 02:27 PM

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19. "and salt and pepper hair/beards are sexy as shit"
In response to Reply # 17


  

          

here for dis.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
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Fri Jan-23-15 03:03 PM

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23. "appreciated"
In response to Reply # 19


          

  

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BabySoulRebel
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27. "oh snap I ain't even know!"
In response to Reply # 23


  

          

here for dis.

  

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teefiveten
Member since Oct 02nd 2008
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Fri Jan-23-15 02:30 PM

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20. "maturity perhaps"
In response to Reply # 16


  

          

single guys my age dont really want to date women my age b/c they think we're trying to hassle them to the altar.

at least with an older dude he's either past that idea because he's been there (divorced or already a parent) or he knows he's in no rush to go there (b/c he doesn't want kids)

*************************************
like.me
http://tinyurl.com/3z8486u

"if the children are not initiated into the village they will burn it down just to feel its warmth." - african proverb

  

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gumz
Member since Jan 09th 2005
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Fri Jan-23-15 02:09 PM

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15. "when i was 25 i dated a 35 year old"
In response to Reply # 0
Fri Jan-23-15 02:10 PM by gumz

  

          

and when i was 27 i dated a 35 year old as well...that time it lasted almost 2 years, the first was a few months. if we're talking just hook ups i've had much larger age gaps but those were the only two actual relationships.

http://www.youtube.com/user/gumzization
twitter: @BrosefMalone

  

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Phenomenality
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Fri Jan-23-15 02:35 PM

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21. "I'm in the largest gap relationship ever right now.."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

10 years

...

Vee is I and I am She

...

http://twitter.com/#!/Phenomenality
http://instagram.com/therealphenomenality
http://phenomenality.tumblr.com/archive

  

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morpheme
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Fri Jan-23-15 03:01 PM

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22. "7 years..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

my junior.

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
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Fri Jan-23-15 03:14 PM

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24. "I haven't, but id like try dating a man in his 40s"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

  

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BlassFemur
Member since Mar 26th 2008
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Fri Jan-23-15 03:46 PM

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25. "My last girlfriend was 8 years younger. Never again."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

I don't want a gap of more than 3 - 4 years younger and no more than 6 years older.

https://banafrit.com/
http://middlebrainmedia.com/

  

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southphillyman
Member since Oct 22nd 2003
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Fri Jan-23-15 04:26 PM

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28. "dudes married to chicks 5+ yrs younger are selfish imo"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

if it's just dating ok cool
but women generally live longer than men off top
then you want to add an age gap on top of that?
you know how many widowed old ladies i know that outlived their husbands by 20+ yrs?
yea yea you can't control love and all that but do ppl not consider this type of stuff at some point

~~~~~~

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
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Fri Jan-23-15 05:43 PM

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30. "i was dating this guy like 10 years older..."
In response to Reply # 28
Fri Jan-23-15 05:45 PM by ndibs

          

who got all offended that i suggested he exercise for this reason....

i don't think it's selfish because you never know who's going to live longer.

in fact,l they got all kinds of medicine and this means sick people live a LONG damn time.

i didn't want to be an active 40 something and looking 30 like most black women do and wheeling around a 60 year old white guy in a wheelchair cause he never went to the gym and he had arthritis and heart problems.

people thinking i'm the help and shit...

  

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Ted Gee Seal
Member since Apr 18th 2007
10084 posts
Mon Jan-26-15 05:52 PM

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36. "lol"
In response to Reply # 30


  

          

>who got all offended that i suggested he exercise for this
>reason....
>
>i don't think it's selfish because you never know who's going
>to live longer.
>
>in fact,l they got all kinds of medicine and this means sick
>people live a LONG damn time.
>
> i didn't want to be an active 40 something and looking 30
>like most black women do and wheeling around a 60 year old
>white guy in a wheelchair cause he never went to the gym and
>he had arthritis and heart problems.
>
>people thinking i'm the help and shit...
>

I mean, how dare you ask that he take care of himself so that he can enjoy a longer life of better quality with you? Anyone can slip into bad habits, I know I do, but to balk at the suggestion? Oh dear.

I want to live healthy and die quickly.

Just IMO though.

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
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Mon Jan-26-15 11:28 PM

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39. "he had small kids too"
In response to Reply # 36


          

and would have been pushing 60 by the time the last one was done with hs. so i would think he'd want to take care of himself for that reason. a lot of people are more emotional than rational though and he took it as an attack on his looks. looking back we were not a good match at all...

  

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Ted Gee Seal
Member since Apr 18th 2007
10084 posts
Tue Jan-27-15 12:32 AM

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43. "It's sad when people get like that."
In response to Reply # 39


  

          

>and would have been pushing 60 by the time the last one was
>done with hs. so i would think he'd want to take care of
>himself for that reason. a lot of people are more emotional
>than rational though and he took it as an attack on his looks.
> looking back we were not a good match at all...

I mean, you can look well enough and still not be getting enough exercise. Says a lot about his insecurities.

Just IMO though.

  

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stattic
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Mon Jan-26-15 12:42 PM

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31. "All love has selfish elements - 5+ more years will generally"
In response to Reply # 28


  

          


afford a different lifestyle due to the older person being more established in his of her career. As long as the two parties enter that arrangement with a clear understanding of the age implications, I don't think that is really that big of an issue.

  

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ChiBrownSkinLady
Member since Nov 14th 2002
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Fri Jan-23-15 05:28 PM

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29. "Dated a 35/36 year old when I was 23."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

We didn't have any age-related issues. Actually talked about marriage. Then he showed his crazy and he wasn't willing to do anything to fix it, so I bounced.

My most recent was actually 5.5 years younger than me. I was initially hesitant to go that much younger, but it turned out to be a really good relationship. Thought we were gonna spend the rest of our lives together, but he died earlier this month.

Generally I tend to date +/- 3 years, though I'll go a bit older. Idk what it'll be like now. But I guess my experiences have taught me that age ain't nothin but a number, because the 27 year old had more maturity than this nearly 40 year old dude I'd previously dealt with. I'll be 33 next month, btw.

__________________________

Just tryna do the best that I can with what it is I have...

  

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afrogirl_lost
Member since May 22nd 2012
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Mon Jan-26-15 02:53 PM

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32. "My husband is 11 years older than me"
In response to Reply # 0


          

The only issue is that he's more of a homebody since turning 40, and I still like to go out. Not clubbing but concerts, art galleries etc. He's like ummm can we watch movies lol.

  

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Regina Rose
Member since Jul 01st 2008
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Mon Jan-26-15 05:44 PM

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35. "11 years "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

we were together together for around 6 years but really 9 years

in the end we broke up cause he wasn't maturing -I guess I should have known- in what world does a mature 30 year old man have things in common with a 19 year old. I continued to grow and change-he didn't and wouldn't.

  

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bayoubyyou
Member since Nov 06th 2005
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Mon Jan-26-15 10:43 PM

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37. "In the past, I dated 9-12yrs older. two long-term."
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There were no real age difference issues.

I'm not looking to ever date someone that much older than me again though.

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
12715 posts
Mon Jan-26-15 11:19 PM

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38. "same here. mostly cause i still like guys the same age"
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30ish - 40ish. with mid 30s being the sweet spot.

  

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Hitokiri
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20762 posts
Mon Jan-26-15 11:42 PM

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40. "So let's say a 31 female marries a 57 year old male"
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What chances do you give that marriage to work?

--
"You can't beat white people. You can only knock them out."

"There is only one god and his name is death. And there is only one thing we say to death: not today."

  

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SoWhat
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154163 posts
Mon Jan-26-15 11:47 PM

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41. "15 yrs was too much."
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he was fresh out of a 20 yr marriage. to a woman. i was fresh into a new career as a lawyer. hell, i wasn't even a lawyer yet - i was a student. so the 6 figure salary gap was too much also.

we didn't have enough in common. and i wasn't ready to be his wife replacement.

i had a 10 yr gap rule that i broke to be w/him. after him i realized i have that rule for good reason. so i'll probably stick to it. until the next guy like him sweeps me off my feet like he did.

fuck you.

  

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Warren Coolidge
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41978 posts
Tue Jan-27-15 12:27 AM

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42. "Wife is 7 years younger...and we have a 16 month old daughter"
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I'm very tired..

goodnight...

lol.

  

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bonitaapplebaum71481
Member since Aug 04th 2003
22576 posts
Tue Jan-27-15 09:55 AM

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44. "I normally ride a ten to twenty year gap."
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Two of my most "significant" relationships was with a 43 year old and a 37 year old.

I can't stand most people around my age *shrug*


"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

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Ezzsential
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11085 posts
Tue Jan-27-15 10:48 AM

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45. "i almost married a man two years younger than me but i was like his momm..."
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i dont have colors
my mmsic:
www.soundclick.com/sylana
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Brb8g8f18xE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NgNuVHrEKI

  

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Paps_Smear
Member since Feb 02nd 2009
4200 posts
Tue Jan-27-15 11:37 AM

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46. "I did 10 years before"
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The problem with it I found was that the person makes you feel like you're so much younger.

You want to hang out with the fellas, you on some young shit. Even if its going to the sports bar to watch the game. Using it to throw in your face that "Oh I forgot you're young." Even if you're in your 30s lol.

That may have a lot to do with low self esteem though so who knows.

=================
Official Okay-Super Villain™

I only play the games that I win at -
Gamertag: Innovator
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