Anyone dating someone much older or younger than you? Have you done so in the past? What is the largest gap that you would be comfortable with? Wondering about the issues with a big gap, so talk to me about your experiences.
1. "I'm 32 i'd date anywhere between 24-36" In response to Reply # 0
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5. "tbh the reason we broke up the first time was the age gap" In response to Reply # 3
I was 21 going on 22 he had just turned 29 as much as we loved and cared for each other, I still had to go and live out my twenties. By the time we broke up, we had spent almost 2 years together then. We reunited at the tail end of my twenties and it was a lot better in terms of understanding each other's positions in life in general. We ended up splitting again due to communication issues the 2nd time which were totally unrelated to the age gap.
Now that I'm 30, I'd only be adverse to that big of a gap again if there was a big difference in lifestyles. I'm not clubbing 24/7 but I still like to grab a drink, maybe hit a gallery, definitely hit up a hip-hop show and my next SO needs to be compatible with that.
12. "Did he even realize that he was treating you that way?" In response to Reply # 4
I feel like that could pose an issue. One may unintentionally school their younger spouse like a child without considering his or her life experiences or lack thereof. I'm working with a similar age difference to your first marriage right now. That's why I initially asked.
6. "i routinely dated 10-20 years older when i was young." In response to Reply # 0 Fri Jan-23-15 11:58 AM by ndibs
no age related issues. since my late 20s and now in my early 30s i mostly date guys my age. but, they tend to be focused on work, career advancement, making money. so the age related issues have been related to that. this is the situation with the guy i'm talking to now. distance is very much an issue too since he lives in france.
actually there was an age related issue when i was living with someone about 10 years older, he wanted kids like now and i didn't. we were pretty well matched otherwise. both black (well he was mixed race) and grew up in the midwest and creative types. both pretty ladiback and never really had serious arguments. i just didn't want a serious relationship at that age. i was living with him bc it was better than a roomate situation.
7. "I've dated +/- 10 years. Mostly with younger women tho" In response to Reply # 0 Fri Jan-23-15 12:02 PM by 8-bit
Dated a few women where there was a 9/10 year age difference. Not a problem. Dated a woman 9 years older than me when I was in my early 20s, and that was weird. She had too much "been there, done that" in her attitude for me. Not really interested in women older than me for this reason alone.
The younger women I got along with well, only problems were the typical goofy young chick stuff. As I get older this is less of an issue.
9. "Dating a chick 20 Years younger than me " In response to Reply # 0 Fri Jan-23-15 12:06 PM by Crisco
The only issue we have is her taste in music. SHe loves the commercial urban station. I hate listening to that station. BUt she fine as hell so I keep the road trips short and grin and bear it. LOL
My ideal age range is for her to be 10 or so years younger.
--------------------------------------- My Sig - Nig!! Hip Hop is a perfect verse over a dope beat!!
10. "I liked dating girls when 20-23 when I was 27. I'm 33, hasn't changed." In response to Reply # 0
But it depends what you are after. Like if you are looking to get married and the whole shit, no, tighten up the gap for sure.
If you want to have fun and fuck around, by all means, have at it.
Right now my girlfriend is 21 and she is still in this dreamer phase and she is also, for the most part, lazy as fuck. That's the most innervating thing, listening to her big plans and then seeing her do nothing. So now I've just chilled and stopped worrying about it. She will sink or swim on her own and of course if I can help her in some meaningful way, great.
It's been a fine attitude for what we have going, but for a while there we were thinking bigger. That was a mistake. I don't think it's fair to anyone that age to be looking at "settling down."
When I was that age, I did the opposite, dated a woman in her early 30s while I was a sophomore/junior in college. She wanted to settle down and at the time I thought it was unfair that she didn't even consider giving me that opportunity (dumped me for a guy in his 40s who worked in her same field at another university). Looking back on it, of course she did the right thing not only for herself but for me, too.
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14. "not really. i dated a dude 3 years younger" In response to Reply # 0
that's as gappy as i get i tend to attract dudes near my own age and younger i'd like to date an older man actually. not too much older but someone a little over 40
single guys my age dont really want to date women my age b/c they think we're trying to hassle them to the altar.
at least with an older dude he's either past that idea because he's been there (divorced or already a parent) or he knows he's in no rush to go there (b/c he doesn't want kids)
15. "when i was 25 i dated a 35 year old" In response to Reply # 0 Fri Jan-23-15 02:10 PM by gumz
and when i was 27 i dated a 35 year old as well...that time it lasted almost 2 years, the first was a few months. if we're talking just hook ups i've had much larger age gaps but those were the only two actual relationships.
28. "dudes married to chicks 5+ yrs younger are selfish imo" In response to Reply # 0
if it's just dating ok cool but women generally live longer than men off top then you want to add an age gap on top of that? you know how many widowed old ladies i know that outlived their husbands by 20+ yrs? yea yea you can't control love and all that but do ppl not consider this type of stuff at some point
30. "i was dating this guy like 10 years older..." In response to Reply # 28 Fri Jan-23-15 05:45 PM by ndibs
who got all offended that i suggested he exercise for this reason....
i don't think it's selfish because you never know who's going to live longer.
in fact,l they got all kinds of medicine and this means sick people live a LONG damn time.
i didn't want to be an active 40 something and looking 30 like most black women do and wheeling around a 60 year old white guy in a wheelchair cause he never went to the gym and he had arthritis and heart problems.
>who got all offended that i suggested he exercise for this >reason.... > >i don't think it's selfish because you never know who's going >to live longer. > >in fact,l they got all kinds of medicine and this means sick >people live a LONG damn time. > > i didn't want to be an active 40 something and looking 30 >like most black women do and wheeling around a 60 year old >white guy in a wheelchair cause he never went to the gym and >he had arthritis and heart problems. > >people thinking i'm the help and shit... >
I mean, how dare you ask that he take care of himself so that he can enjoy a longer life of better quality with you? Anyone can slip into bad habits, I know I do, but to balk at the suggestion? Oh dear.
39. "he had small kids too" In response to Reply # 36
and would have been pushing 60 by the time the last one was done with hs. so i would think he'd want to take care of himself for that reason. a lot of people are more emotional than rational though and he took it as an attack on his looks. looking back we were not a good match at all...
Ted Gee Seal Member since Apr 18th 2007 10091 posts
Tue Jan-27-15 12:32 AM
43. "It's sad when people get like that." In response to Reply # 39
>and would have been pushing 60 by the time the last one was >done with hs. so i would think he'd want to take care of >himself for that reason. a lot of people are more emotional >than rational though and he took it as an attack on his looks. > looking back we were not a good match at all...
I mean, you can look well enough and still not be getting enough exercise. Says a lot about his insecurities.
31. "All love has selfish elements - 5+ more years will generally" In response to Reply # 28
afford a different lifestyle due to the older person being more established in his of her career. As long as the two parties enter that arrangement with a clear understanding of the age implications, I don't think that is really that big of an issue.
29. "Dated a 35/36 year old when I was 23." In response to Reply # 0
We didn't have any age-related issues. Actually talked about marriage. Then he showed his crazy and he wasn't willing to do anything to fix it, so I bounced.
My most recent was actually 5.5 years younger than me. I was initially hesitant to go that much younger, but it turned out to be a really good relationship. Thought we were gonna spend the rest of our lives together, but he died earlier this month.
Generally I tend to date +/- 3 years, though I'll go a bit older. Idk what it'll be like now. But I guess my experiences have taught me that age ain't nothin but a number, because the 27 year old had more maturity than this nearly 40 year old dude I'd previously dealt with. I'll be 33 next month, btw.
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32. "My husband is 11 years older than me" In response to Reply # 0
The only issue is that he's more of a homebody since turning 40, and I still like to go out. Not clubbing but concerts, art galleries etc. He's like ummm can we watch movies lol.
we were together together for around 6 years but really 9 years
in the end we broke up cause he wasn't maturing -I guess I should have known- in what world does a mature 30 year old man have things in common with a 19 year old. I continued to grow and change-he didn't and wouldn't.
41. "15 yrs was too much." In response to Reply # 0
he was fresh out of a 20 yr marriage. to a woman. i was fresh into a new career as a lawyer. hell, i wasn't even a lawyer yet - i was a student. so the 6 figure salary gap was too much also.
we didn't have enough in common. and i wasn't ready to be his wife replacement.
i had a 10 yr gap rule that i broke to be w/him. after him i realized i have that rule for good reason. so i'll probably stick to it. until the next guy like him sweeps me off my feet like he did.
46. "I did 10 years before" In response to Reply # 0
The problem with it I found was that the person makes you feel like you're so much younger.
You want to hang out with the fellas, you on some young shit. Even if its going to the sports bar to watch the game. Using it to throw in your face that "Oh I forgot you're young." Even if you're in your 30s lol.
That may have a lot to do with low self esteem though so who knows.
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