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Subject: "Do you tell the person who hurt you just how badly they did?" Previous topic | Next topic
nayaa
Member since Oct 06th 2009
20190 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 12:47 PM

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"Do you tell the person who hurt you just how badly they did?"


  

          

My boy is in the process of writing a long & excruciating email to his girl of 5 years who cheated on him and left him for the next dude.

She changed her number and won’t respond to his calls. Mad, mad, mad foul shit. And he’s hurting a lot. I feel bad for the dude.

My general feeling is that if you’ve hurt/left/whatever, you’re dead to me and don’t need any more access to my feelings/mind/thoughts/whatever. So I was trying to talk dude out of sending the e-mail, which in painful detail chronicled just how “badly she shattered {him}.”

When I asked him why he’d do that and give her that satisfaction, he said “she needs to know exactly what she did to me. This isn’t about pride, it’s about knowing the consequences of your actions.”

I was like hmm.

I can kinda sorta see it. Maybe I’m too prideful in situations like that cuz I take my ball home and you’ll never see me again. Then I wondered if that let’s the offender off easy? No messiness to deal with? No guilt? I just sort of figured they should know and no need to hit ‘em with a slew of “I can’t believe you did this to me”.

What do you do?

~
IG: @fireysky

  

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
he some shit.
Jan 13th 2015
1
you sound like an ass...
Jan 13th 2015
4
her knowing and not caring is why it's a waste
Jan 13th 2015
49
He is hurt
Jan 13th 2015
5
      dont nobody (woman who is avoiding you, especially)
Jan 13th 2015
14
in his case, i gotta ask: for what?
Jan 13th 2015
2
i think it's a "you're not getting away that easy" thing for him
Jan 13th 2015
6
who is he to punush her for this? who does he think he is?
Jan 13th 2015
11
      why is this about her to you though?
Jan 13th 2015
13
           no, he is. he wants to send it. he still wants her validation.
Jan 13th 2015
17
RE: in his case, i gotta ask: for what?
Jan 13th 2015
10
      another person can't heal u. the whole closure thing happens from within
Jan 13th 2015
21
Nothing wrong with what he's doing
Jan 13th 2015
3
I see nothing wrong with
Jan 13th 2015
7
It depends on his motive.
Jan 13th 2015
8
how will this give him closure? its a one way communuication.
Jan 13th 2015
12
      it may be closure for him
Jan 13th 2015
27
           right.
Jan 13th 2015
71
i wrote one for closure
Jan 13th 2015
9
y'all need to read this. she took her own action for her own self
Jan 13th 2015
22
lol, i didnt say i got the closure i needed
Jan 13th 2015
29
      aw damn...
Jan 13th 2015
31
           lol
Jan 13th 2015
40
Yep I've wrote one out by hand
Jan 13th 2015
30
he needs a father
Jan 13th 2015
15
Nah, just keep it moving. She doesn't GAF anyway.
Jan 13th 2015
16
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Jan 13th 2015
18
he lightweight called me heartless for my advice
Jan 13th 2015
19
It'll crush him when she says "you're right... you *do* deserve better.....
Jan 13th 2015
23
THIS IS THE CORRECT ANSWER
Jan 13th 2015
75
he should write it but not send it.
Jan 13th 2015
20
write it and burn it, maybe?
Jan 13th 2015
24
I agree with this
Jan 13th 2015
32
you only tell them if they care to hear it
Jan 13th 2015
25
lol :(
Jan 13th 2015
26
You know, I *get* it.
Jan 13th 2015
28
^^
Jan 13th 2015
34
no one who really hurt me gave a fuck how i felt after the fact
Jan 13th 2015
33
It's true. they just won't care as much about it as you.
Jan 13th 2015
35
      when it comes down to your feelings v. theirs....they choose them
Jan 13th 2015
48
Oh shit, wait. I DID send an email to an ex
Jan 13th 2015
36
motherfucker, for what?
Jan 13th 2015
37
his letter should simply read 'i forgive you'
Jan 13th 2015
38
She knows he is hurt and she does not care.
Jan 13th 2015
39
Also, I cannot imagine NOT responding to a letter
Jan 13th 2015
41
i can't imagine not responding either.
Jan 13th 2015
42
Right? You pretty much have to offend my mother
Jan 13th 2015
44
      this actually makes things worse.
Jan 13th 2015
46
           For the recipient, sure. For the sender, nope.
Jan 13th 2015
47
ive not responded to apologies before
Jan 13th 2015
50
He should send it. *shrug*
Jan 13th 2015
43
naw, Im good.*eye twitch*
Jan 13th 2015
45
what he SHOULD do is email her all the dirt HE did while
Jan 13th 2015
51
i assume they know but dont care
Jan 13th 2015
52
Nah. Too many people revel in that shit and closure is overrated.
Jan 13th 2015
53
this too. she gonna fuck her new man extra hard knowing some
Jan 13th 2015
55
      evil. i submit dudes who are dirtballs feel bad abt the dirt.
Jan 13th 2015
56
           nah, niggas just as heartless
Jan 13th 2015
76
the ax don't care how the tree feels
Jan 13th 2015
54
so how does one handle that deep searing heartbreak pain
Jan 13th 2015
57
i suggest going dancing at the discotheque
Jan 13th 2015
58
most ppl deal with it badly
Jan 13th 2015
59
Own it. It belongs to you, not them.
Jan 13th 2015
60
Ride the bicycle to the gym and lift, maybe shoot some hoops
Jan 13th 2015
61
pretty much all of this.
Jan 13th 2015
67
excel in the shit you DO have control over & wait
Jan 13th 2015
62
no. how do you address the fact that this person hurt you
Jan 13th 2015
63
#1 drives me insane. almost literally.
Jan 13th 2015
64
i never really "deal" with it.
Jan 13th 2015
66
re: #2-therapy or serious self reflection
Jan 13th 2015
69
Friends of Distinction said it best:
Jan 13th 2015
65
It really just takes time. lots and lots of time.
Jan 13th 2015
68
tons of empty sex
Jan 13th 2015
73
Sometimes you just have to do evil shit and get revenge
Jan 13th 2015
70
I think there is just one thing he should say to her:
Jan 13th 2015
72
I'm in a similar situation
Jan 13th 2015
74
if they're a decent person they will feel guilt over wrongdoing
Jan 13th 2015
77

Deadzombie
Member since Aug 21st 2008
13358 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 12:51 PM

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1. "he some shit."
In response to Reply # 0


          

and wants someone else to feel bad for/about/with him.

tell your boy to move on.

i think in this instance the overused 'man up' is okay.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
79325 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 12:54 PM

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4. "you sound like an ass..."
In response to Reply # 1


          

nothing wrong with having FEELINGS... and it's insensitive to tell someone to man up and move on when he is still in his hurt phase.

Only thing I disagree with is letting her know how much she hurt him.. she knows and she doesn't care.

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
13825 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 02:07 PM

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49. "her knowing and not caring is why it's a waste"
In response to Reply # 4


  

          

If anything write that shit down-- then burn the letter on some "she ain't worth it".

______________________________________

Everything looks like Oprah kissing Harvey Weinstein these days

  

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ThaAnthology
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Tue Jan-13-15 12:54 PM

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5. "He is hurt"
In response to Reply # 1


  

          

and hurt sucks. But maybe by penning this he is manning up. It takes a lot to be truthful to people especially those whome hurt you. Perhaps this is his way of moving on...

I try to be honest with folk who hurt me. Eff them, it's for my healing.

www.anthologyfmn.com

Enter the Written World of Fahim Malik Nassar

The House of Caine (available)

Melancholoy Funk (available)

Tha Anthology (Words 2001-2003) Poetry inspired by OKP and Wash, DC
(available)

The Spook who sat by the Radio Poetry (av

  

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Deadzombie
Member since Aug 21st 2008
13358 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 01:00 PM

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14. "dont nobody (woman who is avoiding you, especially)"
In response to Reply # 5


          

trying to hear how much your adult-ass is hurting.

your feelings in the mud? cause someone hurt your feelings, and you want to chase that person to explain your side?

nah. he should focus on himself.

  

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BigJazz
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Tue Jan-13-15 12:53 PM

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2. "in his case, i gotta ask: for what? "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

she gone. long gone. she been stopped caring.

so what's the point of communicating with her any further?

now in the instance where you're in it with somebody and y'all both tryin to work through some things...i see the point of talkin.

but your boy's scenario? nah, my man needs to leave that alone...


***
I'm tryna be better off, not better than...

  

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nayaa
Member since Oct 06th 2009
20190 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 12:55 PM

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6. "i think it's a "you're not getting away that easy" thing for him"
In response to Reply # 2


  

          

as in, if he were to fade to black, she gets off too easy. he wants her to 'suffer' with the guilt of the reality of the situation, i guess?

i just don't think she'll care that much. or maybe she will. 5 years is a longass time. would be cold as shit to turn that off completely and be all *kanye shrug*

~
IG: @fireysky

  

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Deadzombie
Member since Aug 21st 2008
13358 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 12:57 PM

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11. "who is he to punush her for this? who does he think he is?"
In response to Reply # 6


          

a judge, a jury and an executioner?

it's not his place to 'punish' people.

that preoccupation is dangerous and the energy is misplaced.

she don't want nothing to do with him.

it's an intro to stalking.

  

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ThaAnthology
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Tue Jan-13-15 12:59 PM

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13. "why is this about her to you though? "
In response to Reply # 11


  

          

>a judge, a jury and an executioner?
>
>it's not his place to 'punish' people.
>
>that preoccupation is dangerous and the energy is misplaced.
>
>she don't want nothing to do with him.
>
>it's an intro to stalking.

You are so focused on the woman's reaction... I wonder why?

www.anthologyfmn.com

Enter the Written World of Fahim Malik Nassar

The House of Caine (available)

Melancholoy Funk (available)

Tha Anthology (Words 2001-2003) Poetry inspired by OKP and Wash, DC
(available)

The Spook who sat by the Radio Poetry (av

  

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Deadzombie
Member since Aug 21st 2008
13358 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 01:01 PM

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17. "no, he is. he wants to send it. he still wants her validation."
In response to Reply # 13


          

he'd put a letter in a jar an set it out to sea if that wasn't the case.

  

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ThaAnthology
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10. "RE: in his case, i gotta ask: for what? "
In response to Reply # 2


  

          

>she gone. long gone. she been stopped caring.
>
>so what's the point of communicating with her any further? Why is it about her though? Why is it not about him and his healing?
>
>now in the instance where you're in it with somebody and y'all
>both tryin to work through some things...i see the point of
>talkin. That is mos def a time to talk lol.
>
>but your boy's scenario? nah, my man needs to leave that
>alone...
>Again, why? Why are we considering her reaction more than his growth? I don't see anything wrong with this... NOW if he writes another after or keeps pinning for her then yeah he's on a sui watch.
>
>***
>I'm tryna be better off, not better than...

www.anthologyfmn.com

Enter the Written World of Fahim Malik Nassar

The House of Caine (available)

Melancholoy Funk (available)

Tha Anthology (Words 2001-2003) Poetry inspired by OKP and Wash, DC
(available)

The Spook who sat by the Radio Poetry (av

  

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BigJazz
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Tue Jan-13-15 01:06 PM

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21. "another person can't heal u. the whole closure thing happens from within"
In response to Reply # 10


  

          

you're suggesting that his healing has anything to do with her.

i'm saying that man is on his own with that...


***
I'm tryna be better off, not better than...

  

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Garhart Poppwell
Member since Nov 28th 2008
18111 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 12:54 PM

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3. "Nothing wrong with what he's doing"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

nor is it particularly strange. She'll probably never read the email, but having a sense of closure to a situation is an import product of that exchange.
I see where you're coming from, generally speaking I'm not that guy myself because when I'm done, that's it. But he's working through his situation in a healthy manner, so leave him to it.

__________________________________________
CHOP-THESE-BITCHES!!!!
------------------------------------
Garhart Ivanhoe Poppwell
Un-OK'd moderator for The Lesson and Make The Music (yes, I do's work up in here, and in your asscrease if you run foul of this

  

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tariqhu
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Tue Jan-13-15 12:55 PM

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7. "I see nothing wrong with"
In response to Reply # 0


          

the email vent. however, there's nothing to make sure the person reads, much less responds. or even post that shit everywhere.

as long as your boy is cool with the most likely outcome that she won't contact him, then fine.

I'm the kind that likes to talk to you in person about shit like that, but at the end of the day the other person has to be receptive to further communicating.

sometimes you just have to chalk it up and move on to the next chick to rid your mind and actions of the previous chicks.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

  

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initiationofplato
Member since Nov 06th 2013
2420 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 12:56 PM

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8. "It depends on his motive."
In response to Reply # 0


          

If he is doing this to try and get her back, it is a bad idea.

If he is doing this to get closure, than it is a good idea.

The girl does not know it yet, but she set in sequence a chain of events will come crashing down around her, and she will learn the error of her ways one way or another. She handled it like a coward would.

  

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Deadzombie
Member since Aug 21st 2008
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Tue Jan-13-15 12:59 PM

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12. "how will this give him closure? its a one way communuication."
In response to Reply # 8


          

sure, he can write a letter.

and then burn it.

and then try his best to forget about her.

but he needs not to be sending her any sort of telegram.

  

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tariqhu
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Tue Jan-13-15 01:13 PM

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27. "it may be closure for him"
In response to Reply # 12


          

to send it to her. hopefully he'll move on quickly and not expect response or send anything else.

maybe her response isn't what he's after. just getting off his chest directly to her will help him move on.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

  

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initiationofplato
Member since Nov 06th 2013
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Tue Jan-13-15 04:24 PM

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71. "right."
In response to Reply # 27


          

  

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GirlChild
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9. "i wrote one for closure"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

but never sent it
it's not an ex tho, a family member

  

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BigJazz
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Tue Jan-13-15 01:09 PM

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22. "y'all need to read this. she took her own action for her own self"
In response to Reply # 9


  

          

and she got what she needed out of it.

wasn't no need to mail it cuz she didn't need him to read it and do anything with it in order to put her in the space she needed to be in.

EYE am the captain of my soul and my shit not sailing or sinking based on YOUR actions or inactions...


***
I'm tryna be better off, not better than...

  

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GirlChild
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Tue Jan-13-15 01:15 PM

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29. "lol, i didnt say i got the closure i needed"
In response to Reply # 22


  

          

but i'm not as angry as i was
i'm just sad about it
i didnt send the letter because i didnt want that person to feel as bad as they made me feel, even though they deserve it

  

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BigJazz
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Tue Jan-13-15 01:19 PM

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31. "aw damn..."
In response to Reply # 29


  

          


***
I'm tryna be better off, not better than...

  

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GirlChild
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Tue Jan-13-15 01:34 PM

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40. "lol"
In response to Reply # 31


  

          

i'm getting there
therapy is awesome

  

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Cocobrotha2
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Tue Jan-13-15 01:16 PM

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30. "Yep I've wrote one out by hand"
In response to Reply # 9


          

Sat on it for a couple days and eventually ripped it up. I really just needed to vent it all out.

<-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><->
<-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><->

  

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ambient1
Member since May 23rd 2007
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Tue Jan-13-15 01:01 PM

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15. "he needs a father"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

=======================================
Coolin...

  

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8-bit
Member since Jan 12th 2010
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Tue Jan-13-15 01:01 PM

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16. "Nah, just keep it moving. She doesn't GAF anyway."
In response to Reply # 0
Tue Jan-13-15 01:01 PM by 8-bit

  

          

She'll read that letter, then toss it in the trash right before new dude she's fucking comes over. If anything, he should write the letter, save it, then pull it out years later on some "I can't believe I was all hung-up over *that* woman." Don't let your homeboy mail it to her tho. He minus well show up sobbing on her steps with flowers if he'll gonna go full chump.

Tell your homey to walk that shit off, lol.

---
http://twitter.com/logicalhood
http://instagram.com/hoodlogic

  

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Castro
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Tue Jan-13-15 01:02 PM

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18. "^^^^^^^^^^^^^^"
In response to Reply # 16


  

          

------------------
One Hundred.

  

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nayaa
Member since Oct 06th 2009
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Tue Jan-13-15 01:02 PM

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19. "he lightweight called me heartless for my advice "
In response to Reply # 16


  

          

not to send it so i've fallen back

maybe he'll KIM when she doesn't respond in the way he secretly hopes she will.

i do get the distinct feeling he's hoping for a "omg i'm so sorry. you're right. you don't deserve the way i've treated you."

and i just don't think that's comin'

~
IG: @fireysky

  

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8-bit
Member since Jan 12th 2010
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Tue Jan-13-15 01:09 PM

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23. "It'll crush him when she says "you're right... you *do* deserve better....."
In response to Reply # 19
Tue Jan-13-15 01:13 PM by 8-bit

  

          

"That's why we shouldn't be together. See? It worked out well for both of us!"

*looks away from old dude at her phone, smiles, then replies to text from new dude*


>i do get the distinct feeling he's hoping for a "omg i'm so
>sorry. you're right. you don't deserve the way i've treated
>you."
>
>and i just don't think that's comin'

---
http://twitter.com/logicalhood
http://instagram.com/hoodlogic

  

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MistaGoodBar
Member since Nov 04th 2004
29351 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 06:24 PM

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75. "THIS IS THE CORRECT ANSWER"
In response to Reply # 16


  

          

>If anything, he
>should write the letter, save it, then pull it out years later
>on some "I can't believe I was all hung-up over *that* woman."



He NEEDS to write that pain out. Once he's done, seal it and throw it in whatever box he stores his "back in the day" isht. One day years from now he'll read that and be glad he didn't send it.

Spoken from experience.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
http://mistagoodbar.com
Twitter/IG: mistagoodbar
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  

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SHAstayhighalways
Member since Sep 03rd 2014
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Tue Jan-13-15 01:04 PM

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20. "he should write it but not send it. "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

write it on paper and burn it.

www.royallegacy.org

For Real (Official Video):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBRoCPO8esE

  

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bonamie
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Tue Jan-13-15 01:09 PM

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24. "write it and burn it, maybe?"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

-----------------------------------
we aint the two and i aint the one- lyte

  

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ThaAnthology
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Tue Jan-13-15 01:21 PM

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32. "I agree with this"
In response to Reply # 24


  

          

a healthy exercise for yourself to expundge these feelings.

www.anthologyfmn.com

Enter the Written World of Fahim Malik Nassar

The House of Caine (available)

Melancholoy Funk (available)

Tha Anthology (Words 2001-2003) Poetry inspired by OKP and Wash, DC
(available)

The Spook who sat by the Radio Poetry (av

  

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MrThomas43423
Member since Jul 03rd 2002
67613 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 01:10 PM

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25. "you only tell them if they care to hear it"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

this girl obviously doesn't care to hear it, and nothing good will come from sending that letter. its gonna hurt more when she doesn't reply, or worse....replies in a leave me alone/restraining order manner. hurt or not he's supposed to go into defcon, you don't exist mode.

sending fucking hurt emails....you hold that shit in and take it out on the next innocent person you date.
---------------------------------------
it's true what they say...people are strange, when you're strangers.

not compassionate....only polite.

I am not like you at all and i cannot pretend.

  

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nayaa
Member since Oct 06th 2009
20190 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 01:11 PM

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26. "lol :("
In response to Reply # 25


  

          


>sending fucking hurt emails....you hold that shit in and take
>it out on the next innocent person you date.

~
IG: @fireysky

  

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Niq96st
Member since Jun 16th 2005
8396 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 01:13 PM

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28. "You know, I *get* it. "
In response to Reply # 0
Tue Jan-13-15 01:15 PM by Niq96st

  

          

He's hurting and he might not even want them to get back together or anything. He just wants her to know how horrible of her person she is (I'm not saying she necessarily is, as I don't know her, but that's what he thinks of her). He wants to make her feel...something.

He's entitled to hurt and expressing that pain. I get it.

However, it seems she doesn't care. He sends her the letter and then what? He'd be lucky if she doesn't reply at all. But what if she does and her response is nonchalant? Or even malicious? Then what?

He'd just be prolonging the hurt. Or maybe even exacerbate it.

He just needs to allow himself the time. I'd encourage him to write the letter, sure. But not to send it. When he's allowed himself sufficient time to heal, he'll look back and feel 100% differently.

That sucks. I wish him the best. I've been there.

Edit-- because obviously English is my second language today.

_______________________________
Maintain chill at all times.

  

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lfresh
Member since Jun 18th 2002
92696 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 01:23 PM

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34. "^^"
In response to Reply # 28
Tue Jan-13-15 01:23 PM by lfresh

  

          

like i sooooo get it


but agreed if the objective is to hrm have her understand
she isnt there
might never be there
and might not read that email

he does need to express though
so writing the letter helps him

i think he needs to be a bit more selfish and think of himself for a while
dont worry about her and consequences
that may take care of itself
or a real opportunity may present itself and he can speak on it

if they know the same people
that opportunity will present itself several times over even
lol


and btw nayaa
i'm more like you in response
you will be lucky if i acknowledge you in the future

~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

  

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Binlahab
Charter member
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Tue Jan-13-15 01:21 PM

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33. "no one who really hurt me gave a fuck how i felt after the fact"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

i wanted to scream & rail & tell them & everyone they knew how foul i had been done...& it rapidly occured to me...nobody GAF.

what i thought was...was not. i had been living in a dream of my own making while that other person was getting their shit together and when it was time to go...they went because they were abt their life, their business...not our business or our life...much less my business or my life

doing that does noting but make you further complicit in your own victimhood...because after all...if they hurt you...its because YOU allowed them to. you let em in you trusted them...so while they were foul...YOU were stupid. & no amount of slow singing or flower bringing can alter that concrete fact.

when youve been really emotionally fucked over...there is no cure. theres no solution...except time.

good luck to your "friend"



does it really matter?

for all my fans who keep my name in their mouth: http://i.imgur.com/v2xNOpS.jpg

  

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Buddy_Gilapagos
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35. "It's true. they just won't care as much about it as you. "
In response to Reply # 33


  

          


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

http://blackpeopleonlocalnews.tumblr.com/

  

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Binlahab
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48. "when it comes down to your feelings v. theirs....they choose them"
In response to Reply # 35


  

          

and that is the secret hidden fear of everyone...nobody wants to be hurt or give others access to hurt them so...everyone puts up the too cool for school wall of stoicism

shits lame but thats love in the 2015


does it really matter?

for all my fans who keep my name in their mouth: http://i.imgur.com/v2xNOpS.jpg

  

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Niq96st
Member since Jun 16th 2005
8396 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 01:28 PM

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36. "Oh shit, wait. I DID send an email to an ex"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

And it did actually make me feel better. Until it didn't.

I still stand by my last post, though.

I actually happened upon that email a few months ago and I cringed. I couldn't even bear to read it past the subject line.

I don't recommend sending one. Write it, sure but don't send it.

I wanted validations of my feelings. Have your friend send the email to you (or someone else) who will validate and agree with his hurt. I think that's really what I was looking for.



_______________________________
Maintain chill at all times.

  

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atruhead
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Tue Jan-13-15 01:28 PM

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37. "motherfucker, for what?"
In response to Reply # 0
Tue Jan-13-15 01:29 PM by atruhead

  

          

most people can't live with being fucked up so they just pretend nothing happened

I've learned an apology is always the right thing to do, but it wont change the hurt inflicted or even have guarantee you'll be granted forgiveness. maybe this is the attitude people take on when not saying sorry or they convince themselves that you weren't hurt that bad if they never have to face the conversation about it

"closure" with the woman who nearly destroyed me happened 3 years later when we had to work together on something

her: you hated me for a long time

me: I dont hate you today

that was it, no apology or anything

  

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Deadzombie
Member since Aug 21st 2008
13358 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 01:31 PM

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38. "his letter should simply read 'i forgive you'"
In response to Reply # 0


          

she aint gonna be able to roll her eyes hard enough.

  

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napturalmystic
Member since Feb 15th 2006
6542 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 01:32 PM

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39. "She knows he is hurt and she does not care."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Writing that email will not have the desired effect. She won't respond with contrition or at all for that matter. She probably wont even read it. Then where does that leave him? A step further into his emotions is where. These emotions arent taking him to good places. He gonna end up at her gig next.

--------------------------

  

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Niq96st
Member since Jun 16th 2005
8396 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 01:36 PM

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41. "Also, I cannot imagine NOT responding to a letter"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

like that.

Only because I'm stupid tenderhearted like that. But life has shown me that some people just don't care.

I won't comment anymore.

_______________________________
Maintain chill at all times.

  

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nayaa
Member since Oct 06th 2009
20190 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 01:39 PM

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42. "i can't imagine not responding either."
In response to Reply # 41


  

          

i can never not respond

unless the email is wild offensive

but, like you, i'm soft as fuck.

~
IG: @fireysky

  

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Niq96st
Member since Jun 16th 2005
8396 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 01:48 PM

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44. "Right? You pretty much have to offend my mother"
In response to Reply # 42


  

          

or something to not get me to write back.

It'll be a gently-worded, multi-paragraph email, too, carefully explaining why things didn't work and "how I'm sure you'll find someone who'll love you better than I could blah-blah-blah." I'm not one for brevity, especially when it comes to overly-emotional emails.

_______________________________
Maintain chill at all times.

  

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Deadzombie
Member since Aug 21st 2008
13358 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 01:54 PM

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46. "this actually makes things worse."
In response to Reply # 44


          

  

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Niq96st
Member since Jun 16th 2005
8396 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 01:56 PM

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47. "For the recipient, sure. For the sender, nope. "
In response to Reply # 46


  

          

It's a selfish tactic on their part.

_______________________________
Maintain chill at all times.

  

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bonamie
Charter member
60263 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 02:08 PM

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50. "ive not responded to apologies before"
In response to Reply # 41


  

          

i mean
either
i didnt have time
or wasnt ready to process it
or didnt care.

-----------------------------------
we aint the two and i aint the one- lyte

  

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Brotha Sun
Member since Dec 31st 2009
6778 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 01:45 PM

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43. "He should send it. *shrug*"
In response to Reply # 0


          

Get that hurt allll the way out however way he can (within reason). What other choice he got? Internalize it and give the hurt to every new potential partner he encounters? Fuck outta here.


They love telling you to "man up" and hold your shit inside yet have the nerve to be shocked when you die of "natural causes" by the age of 41.

Its a damn email.

"They used to call me Baby Luke....but now? The whole damn 2 Liiiive Crew."

  

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DavidHasselhoff
Charter member
11451 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 01:48 PM

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45. "naw, Im good.*eye twitch*"
In response to Reply # 0


          

  

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GHNO
Member since Aug 22nd 2012
865 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 02:17 PM

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51. "what he SHOULD do is email her all the dirt HE did while"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

she was with him...

trust me.
it works.

  

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teefiveten
Member since Oct 02nd 2008
33019 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 02:28 PM

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52. "i assume they know but dont care"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

.

*************************************
like.me
http://tinyurl.com/3z8486u

"if the children are not initiated into the village they will burn it down just to feel its warmth." - african proverb

  

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WarriorPoet415
Member since Sep 30th 2003
17894 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 02:31 PM

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53. "Nah. Too many people revel in that shit and closure is overrated."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          


______________________________________________________________________________

cscpov.blogspot.com

"There's a fine line between persistence and foolishness..."
-unknown

"To Each His Reach"

  

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Deadzombie
Member since Aug 21st 2008
13358 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 02:33 PM

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55. "this too. she gonna fuck her new man extra hard knowing some "
In response to Reply # 53


          

sucker is rocking himself to sleep cause he don't know how to let go.

  

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Binlahab
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Tue Jan-13-15 02:37 PM

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56. "evil. i submit dudes who are dirtballs feel bad abt the dirt."
In response to Reply # 55


  

          

women who are dirtballs feel GREAT abt the dirt because they somehow feel the victim of the dirt had it coming


does it really matter?

for all my fans who keep my name in their mouth: http://i.imgur.com/v2xNOpS.jpg

  

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Madvillain 626
Member since Apr 25th 2006
10018 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 06:24 PM

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76. "nah, niggas just as heartless"
In response to Reply # 56


  

          

they pretend they sorry so they can hit one mo gain

-------------------------------
If life is stupendous one cannot also demand that it should be easy. - Robert Musil

  

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illegal
Charter member
78381 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 02:33 PM

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54. "the ax don't care how the tree feels"
In response to Reply # 0


          

paraphrased

***
when I come around, they frown
then wanna dap me down
but when I leave?

  

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Binlahab
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Tue Jan-13-15 02:41 PM

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57. "so how does one handle that deep searing heartbreak pain"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

that shit is real.

when you physically hurt in your chest over some emotional shit & it doesnt seem to go away or dissipate?

what do you do?

i drowned it in alcohol but thats prolly not a good thing


does it really matter?

for all my fans who keep my name in their mouth: http://i.imgur.com/v2xNOpS.jpg

  

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Deadzombie
Member since Aug 21st 2008
13358 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 02:54 PM

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58. "i suggest going dancing at the discotheque"
In response to Reply # 57


          

you'll feel a real surge soothing comfort if you're sweating when 'this place hotel' comes on.

  

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teefiveten
Member since Oct 02nd 2008
33019 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 02:56 PM

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59. "most ppl deal with it badly"
In response to Reply # 57


  

          

i went to therapy and drank too much

*************************************
like.me
http://tinyurl.com/3z8486u

"if the children are not initiated into the village they will burn it down just to feel its warmth." - african proverb

  

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illegal
Charter member
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Tue Jan-13-15 02:57 PM

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60. "Own it. It belongs to you, not them. "
In response to Reply # 57


          

***
when I come around, they frown
then wanna dap me down
but when I leave?

  

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8-bit
Member since Jan 12th 2010
10841 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 02:59 PM

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61. "Ride the bicycle to the gym and lift, maybe shoot some hoops"
In response to Reply # 57
Tue Jan-13-15 03:00 PM by 8-bit

  

          

Work on the career as well. Basically, just start prepping for bigger & better things in life.

---
http://twitter.com/logicalhood
http://instagram.com/hoodlogic

  

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JohnnyKilroy
Member since May 02nd 2012
930 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 03:26 PM

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67. "pretty much all of this. "
In response to Reply # 61


          


IG: hibelk

  

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nayaa
Member since Oct 06th 2009
20190 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 03:07 PM

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62. "excel in the shit you DO have control over & wait"
In response to Reply # 57


  

          

~
IG: @fireysky

  

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Binlahab
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63. "no. how do you address the fact that this person hurt you"
In response to Reply # 57


  

          

this person you thought was X turned out to be Y

and the problem becomes
1) what did YOU not see or miss that you should have?
2) how to not drag this untrusting-ness into the future

i dont think there is a solution to 2. which is precisely why so many of my 30+ yr olds are walking wounded right now suffering emotional PTSD from shit that happened in undergrad or before...unable to fully trust. unable to really let people in. uncomfortable w/ their feelings or those of others...& therefore cruising on a inch deep wave of superficial bullshit, never talking. never revealing. always protective of their precious lil inner selves & hurt

hence:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LOgMWbDGPA


does it really matter?

for all my fans who keep my name in their mouth: http://i.imgur.com/v2xNOpS.jpg

  

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nayaa
Member since Oct 06th 2009
20190 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 03:16 PM

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64. "#1 drives me insane. almost literally."
In response to Reply # 63


  

          

#2 i haven't had as much of a hard time with....yet.

~
IG: @fireysky

  

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JohnnyKilroy
Member since May 02nd 2012
930 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 03:25 PM

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66. "i never really "deal" with it."
In response to Reply # 63


          

i just accept that it happened and move on



IG: hibelk

  

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teefiveten
Member since Oct 02nd 2008
33019 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 03:48 PM

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69. "re: #2-therapy or serious self reflection"
In response to Reply # 63


  

          

you can only free yourself of that
we're all hurt

*************************************
like.me
http://tinyurl.com/3z8486u

"if the children are not initiated into the village they will burn it down just to feel its warmth." - african proverb

  

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BlassFemur
Member since Mar 26th 2008
10309 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 03:20 PM

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65. "Friends of Distinction said it best:"
In response to Reply # 57


  

          

it don't matter to me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0e9curoMBI

Although it's hard to really be that way in real time. But the message is there to be heard.

https://banafrit.com/
http://middlebrainmedia.com/

  

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Buddy_Gilapagos
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49333 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 03:28 PM

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68. "It really just takes time. lots and lots of time. "
In response to Reply # 57


  

          

It's true that one day you will wake up and be over it.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

http://blackpeopleonlocalnews.tumblr.com/

  

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atruhead
Charter member
85230 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 04:35 PM

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73. "tons of empty sex"
In response to Reply # 57


  

          

I didn't feel better until I was healed, but that was the band aid on my gaping wound

  

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ShinobiShaw
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48550 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 03:58 PM

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70. "Sometimes you just have to do evil shit and get revenge"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

I don't think that letter is gonna work out too good for him. He might need to fuck up her credit, kidnap her pet, send the letter to her mom and her job. Sometimes doing the thing you think is civilized isn't the best medicine for you.

http://soundcloud.com/djshinobishaw
http://www.rareformnyc.com
http://twitter.com/DJShinobiShaw
https://twitter.com/RareFormNYC
PSN: ShinobiShaw

"Arm Leg Leg Arm How you doin?" (c)T510

  

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initiationofplato
Member since Nov 06th 2013
2420 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 04:26 PM

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72. "I think there is just one thing he should say to her:"
In response to Reply # 0


          

"Thank you for showing me who you really are. Now I can find someone who is worthy of my heart and time. You have helped prepare me for someone better and I thank you for that."

  

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sevencents
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1852 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 06:14 PM

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74. "I'm in a similar situation"
In response to Reply # 0


          

have worked on various 'drafts' of the message I plan to send to my ex...in my case, she still hits me up and wants to make small talk as 'friends' so part of my reason of writing her is to let her know why I am no longer interested in being friends.

I've read somewhere that the best tactic is to write whatever you need to get it off your chest and then destroy the letter without sending it...writing the letter is more for the benefit of the letter-writer than it is for the recipient.....so writing the letter helps to analyze and process our own feelings...and destroying the letter helps to signify moving on.






  

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blackrussian
Member since Oct 17th 2010
6498 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 06:27 PM

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77. "if they're a decent person they will feel guilt over wrongdoing"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

and if they're not then they won't give a shit.

either way, me telling them isn't gonna make a difference. a careless, inconsiderate dickhead isn't really gonna be like 'oh wow, i had no idea that i hurt you, I'm so sorry, i'm gonna change my ways' just because i told them so.

  

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