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Subject: "How would y'all suggest that I become less fearful of men?" Previous topic | Next topic
Chat_bouts
Member since Nov 19th 2012
1543 posts
Fri Jan-02-15 05:51 PM

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"How would y'all suggest that I become less fearful of men?"


  

          

I have an abusive past. I've dated a few who were what most people would consider unstable, but my most recent one made my life a living hell. He drove me to the point where I've become jaded and too afraid to let my guard down and be receptive of men. Especially, If they come off too nice and charming. It's so fucked up because, I know there's so many good guys out there who are genuine and not scheming.

  

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
honestly... wait til you can
Jan 02nd 2015
1
I feel you, but sometimes I'm hypersensitive
Jan 02nd 2015
4
RE: try to identify the patterns
Jan 02nd 2015
2
are you codependent?
Jan 02nd 2015
3
RE: are you codependent?
Jan 02nd 2015
5
get gay.
Jan 02nd 2015
6
dont
Jan 02nd 2015
7
But, I eventually want another relationship
Jan 02nd 2015
9
      then what you're asking isnt ...
Jan 02nd 2015
11
if you havent already, get third-party help
Jan 02nd 2015
8
^
Jan 02nd 2015
13
seriously, this^^^^^
Jan 02nd 2015
15
Get some guy friends.
Jan 02nd 2015
10
I have a few guy friends, but they eventually, somewhere
Jan 02nd 2015
12
      I have a lot of female friends that nothing has ever/will ever transpire...
Jan 02nd 2015
14
RE: How would y'all suggest that I become less fearful of men?
Jan 03rd 2015
16
pick a man you can beat up if need be.
Jan 03rd 2015
17

bonitaapplebaum71481
Member since Aug 04th 2003
22576 posts
Fri Jan-02-15 06:04 PM

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1. "honestly... wait til you can"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

you can't force your body's guard down and perhaps you shouldn't til you meet someone who doesn't have all your red lights flashing...



"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

www.twitter.com/bedstuybetty
http://bedstuybetty.tumblr.com/
DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

  

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Chat_bouts
Member since Nov 19th 2012
1543 posts
Fri Jan-02-15 08:32 PM

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4. "I feel you, but sometimes I'm hypersensitive "
In response to Reply # 1


  

          

Which can lead to me jumping to conclusions about people.

  

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initiationofplato
Member since Nov 06th 2013
2420 posts
Fri Jan-02-15 06:08 PM

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2. "RE: try to identify the patterns"
In response to Reply # 0


          

which led you to abusive men, and eliminate them.

reinvent yourself and what you find attractive, experiment with new ideas.

immerse yourself in activities/hobbies that you don't normally pay any attention to, it will open up your heart and mind to people who do not follow the same patterns.

take it very slow and be very open and vocal about it.

wish you the best.

  

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luminous
Charter member
12458 posts
Fri Jan-02-15 07:48 PM

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3. "are you codependent?"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

You can join a support group: http://coda.org

--
Sometimes you have to look reality in the face and say 'No!'
-Ben (Reaper)

If you need any help, don't. Hesitate to ask.

  

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Chat_bouts
Member since Nov 19th 2012
1543 posts
Fri Jan-02-15 08:36 PM

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5. "RE: are you codependent?"
In response to Reply # 3


  

          

I don't think so. My intentions don't involve me trying to take care or change. I don't purposely seek out unstable men.

  

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Deadzombie
Member since Aug 21st 2008
13358 posts
Fri Jan-02-15 08:37 PM

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6. "get gay. "
In response to Reply # 0


          

  

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rdhull
Charter member
33109 posts
Fri Jan-02-15 08:44 PM

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7. "dont"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

  

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Chat_bouts
Member since Nov 19th 2012
1543 posts
Fri Jan-02-15 08:57 PM

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9. "But, I eventually want another relationship "
In response to Reply # 7


  

          

I can't spend the rest of my life assuming that the next man will be crazy, if not even me crazy.

  

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rdhull
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33109 posts
Fri Jan-02-15 09:08 PM

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11. "then what you're asking isnt ..."
In response to Reply # 9


  

          

how do I become less fearful of men?


>I can't spend the rest of my life assuming that the next man
>will be crazy, if not even me crazy.

  

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ConcreteCharlie
Member since Nov 21st 2002
71387 posts
Fri Jan-02-15 08:55 PM

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8. "if you havent already, get third-party help"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

overcoming the (very understandable) distrust you have is not going to be easy. i bet it pops up at times that you're not even aware of it, and obviously all the instances in which you are aware.

the big thing is that you recognize it and you understand that it can hurt you and hurt someone who has a genuine interest in loving you. that's the first step, now getting help to work through your past and avoiding repeating it once you're ready is the next one.

these types of things cast long shadows, so have patience and hopefully you find patient people to help you through it, too.

And you will know MY JACKET IS GOLD when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

  

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Roadblock
Charter member
7870 posts
Fri Jan-02-15 09:47 PM

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13. "^"
In response to Reply # 8


  

          

@GetoutTheroom
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
******************************************
https://twitter.com/Jayric

  

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kayru99
Member since Jan 26th 2004
16105 posts
Fri Jan-02-15 11:58 PM

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15. "seriously, this^^^^^"
In response to Reply # 8


          

  

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Hitokiri
Charter member
22092 posts
Fri Jan-02-15 09:08 PM

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10. "Get some guy friends."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

With no romantic intentions on either side.
You got some guy friends?

--

"You can't beat white people. You can only knock them out."

  

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Chat_bouts
Member since Nov 19th 2012
1543 posts
Fri Jan-02-15 09:44 PM

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12. "I have a few guy friends, but they eventually, somewhere"
In response to Reply # 10


  

          

down the line, ended up trying to pursue me: and that just made things awkward between us. I just don't believe that heterosexual people of the opposite sex can genuinely remain platonic.

  

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Hitokiri
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22092 posts
Fri Jan-02-15 09:57 PM

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14. "I have a lot of female friends that nothing has ever/will ever transpire..."
In response to Reply # 12


  

          

I know that it seems weird in some circles...
I have a guy friend who has a really hard time believing I'm not trying to fuck my female friends. But I'm not. And I don't.

--

"You can't beat white people. You can only knock them out."

  

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godleeluv
Member since Jun 11th 2013
5861 posts
Sat Jan-03-15 02:53 PM

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16. "RE: How would y'all suggest that I become less fearful of men?"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

  

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godleeluv
Member since Jun 11th 2013
5861 posts
Sat Jan-03-15 02:54 PM

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17. "pick a man you can beat up if need be."
In response to Reply # 16


  

          

  

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