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This could make some of y'all MAD:
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=187040282&postcount=2585
I'm a member of a hate group and a Teacher. Known as you guessed it the Ku Klux Klan. Let me preface by saying: I have reasons, and I'm not proud of it.
My family wasn't well off, we were poor, and this was all we could afford. My father lost his job at the office, and had to make do working as a mechanic, and my mom couldn't finda job. We lived in a very bad area of the inner city, in a rat infesed apartment. It wasn't safe to walk outside, it wasn't safe to be anywhere there, specially if you were white. We were the only whites on the block, and as such treated like dirt. Nobody looked out for us, nobody cared about us. At school I was bullied everyday by my peers. I was constantly getting into fights, constantly in trouble with the law because, I had nothing to lose. When I was 13 a few guys from school followed me home. They broke into our apartment during the middle of the day, and robbed us at gunpoint. Police were unsympathetic telling us "Choose to lie with animals. Don't be suprised if you get bit". We were left to our own devices.
There was a light though, it got better. About a year or so later after the robbery; my dad got an offer working at a bank at another city. He'd be making more then what he was making now (we'd still be struggling with money but, he had the chance to improve) and frankly life would be better. At first it was a struggle, we struggled to fit in, we struggled but, it was better here and our lives were better off for it. Life was good here, I was around my people, my dad was moving up the ranks (by final year in HS he was branch manager and making nice $$$) and my mom landed a new job as a counselor for the local middle school. A better man would have reflected upon this, used to to understand the plight of others but, I didn't I was among my "people" and that combined with my fathers racism and experiences taught me to hate blacks. It didn't help many of my friends were openly racist themselves, and the people I associated with were all white. It is said you are what your enviroment is, and I never had the chance to grow. I left home after school and went to a prestigous university.
One day while I was home visiting my dad invited me to spend the day with him and his "friends". I didn't know who they were, or why theyd want to talk to me but, frankly I was happy to meet them. My dad had a lot of friends in high places, said some of them could get me jobs if I wanted. Sure, I'd meet them but, how could I have know I was gunna join the KKK? I was 20 when I joined, and I never regreted it. They weren't the rednecks you see on TV< or in the media. Some of them were Police Officers, some were business owners, even doctors. It wasn't anything sinister, it was basically just a bunch of old white men talking about how our race was in danger. I lapped up every minute of it though.
But me being part of a hate group isn't the full story. Heres the part where I tell you why I feel I need to confess. I'm a teacher at HS, and frankly I'm not sure I should even say this. Last year I had a black student named "T", he was a football player and looked urban, and yet he was so smart and had so much potential. I tutored him reluctantly everyday because his coach wanted him too, and I was a Teacher and couldn't say no. I hated him, I hated the way he talked, the way he smelled, and just the way he looked: like an animal. Yet, I sympathized with him. He came from poverty, dad murdered his mom for money, gang, etc. He came to live with his uncle here and to go to school and one day play pro-football. Guy had a rough life like me, and was trying to make a difference. He had excellent grades but, it was math he struggled in.
He was brilliant despite his intial apperances and he had a goal in life. T tried so hard to pass, and I tried so hard to fail him without getting in trouble myself, I didn't like his race and I didn't want another entitled black getting money off his betters. It made me sick to see this "monkey" get extra help, while other more deserving didn't. I tutored him because, I was a Teacher I couldn't refuse him. He had one final chance: a final exam and if he passed he'd graduate. I was always split on him: i hated him for being black and yet I admired him for overcoming his difficulties in life to try and better himself. He blew it, T was poor even among the poor in this city. The test was stated for 9AM, and he was late. I was always looking for excuses to fail him, and this was my one chance. He missed the test because, he was late. Next day coach got the prncipal to reconsider it, and give him the test. I told them I would but, it had to be altered to be harder. They reluctantly agreed but, theyd have to "review it" first.
They approved of it, and I let the kid take the test. He passed by one point but, I found a loophole. The directions instructed he write out the problem in FULL or else it would be wrong. The answer was right but, I decided to "alter" the answer by erasing a few decimals and numbers to make it wrong. Each questionwas 10 points, and he had 7/10 right, soooo....now he had a 60 and that was failing. He failed and was not able to graduate, when he got the resuts back he wept. I didn't feel good, I felt so disgusted with myself. I didnt' see him as an animal but, as a human, a boy weeping as his future was ruined before his eyes. I didn't reverse the grade and he had to repeat his senior year. He never did get too as he dropped out the next year. I don't know why he dropped, he wasn't in my class next year, and despite my efforts he could have passed wih straight As.
You know what I'm ashamed of what I've done. I was young and stupid when I joined and geniunely bought into their BS about race superiority. When I saw T crying despite everything he had done, perhaps the one thing I always lacked: a heart grew. I started thinking more and the more I talked to many of the, the more I interacted with them the less enamoured I became with them. Only a few were "smart" most were just idiots fueld by hate. Yet still I supported them, I attended rallies, I posted on white power forums, I did everything I could to defend whites. I regret hating them, I rergret being a racist but, I feel it's too late for me to change. I wish I could have been born in a different life honestly. I'm still a teacher and thankfully with modern day attitudes towards race a lot of scrutiny is placed on me if I treat blacks and whites differently. I hope maybe one day I can change, maybe one day I can atone but, old habits die hard.
I know theres a place in hell reserved for me.
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