So I have just switched pediatricians and I'm having the same problem


They seem too busy, too in a rush. I hate when they ask me a question and before I answer they cut me off and ask me another question
never addressing my answer to the first question. I'm not trying to be prejudiced but both pediatricians were of Asian or Chinese descent. And I'm sure they are smart and all, but cutting off a concerned mother is just rude. I'm going to specifically look for someone not Asian or Chinese with a good referral from people I know and trust. My sons fathers family recommended this pediatrician but as I stated earlier, I'm not comfortable with him.

Before I go to my next topic, when I walked in and sat down with my son today in the waiting area of his doctor an old man came in and told the lady at the desk he needed a gun. This immediately made me clutch my pearls and prepare to exit. But the nurse asked why, and he said, some days it doesn't seem worth it to be here. Which I understood. But that poor guy.

Now on to my next topic. So I've been watching my son more and popping has pretty much ceased, and I realize that child is way too busy. I've dealt with it for three years and I am very anti medicine but it is getting to a point where I wonder if not giving him medicine is hurting him. He can not focus, which inhibits his ability to learn anything. And his mind is all over the place all the time. I can't think of any moment where he is focused on one thing, not when he eats, bathes, watches tv, sits on the pot, none of that. The only time he is at rest or settled is when he is asleep. I have observed other children and although they are busy too, they have times when they do focus. So I'm considering medicating my child but i will only do so when I can find doctor I can talk to and feel like he is listening, observing, and can give feedback.


That is all.



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Music is almost everything.

hopefully you aren't putting your bias against the father in front of your child's needs.

as far as medicating? The kid is 2 or 3.. let him be a toddler.

IMO you probably need to get him in some group settings with other kids. Let him run around and play.

Take him to the YMCA, take swimming lessons.. but please wait on that medicine. This is your time to parent not drug him up.

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

I am not biased of my childs father or the family. I just don't like the pediatrician they recommended because he asks me a question and before I can answer I he cuts me off and asks me another question. He always seems in a rush.
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Music is almost everything.

why is your kid hyper?

By having too many toys or too many distractions. That is what I thought at first. But even when toys are limited and when we sit together and just play one on one he is distracted. I took him today to the library and he enjoyed that but he wants to do his own thing and there were a lot of distractions there. I have no problem taking partial responsibility for his hyper behavior and don't mind trying new things to address the issue like getting him involved in more physical activities. I am only one person tho and at the end of the day I still have to look into what is bed for him overall. Now that I have referrals to other doctors I can hopefully speak with ones that will listen and try new methods.
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Music is almost everything.

If he's constantly surrounded by exciting, short-term distractions, his brain will have never felt the need to develop long-term focus. Taking away distractions temporarily won't make it magically appear, it has to be trained in order to grow the brain in those directions - I'm not pretending to be any kind of expert on parenting, but it strikes me that focus is something that comes with a familiar, focused routine.

Maybe carve out an hour a day where he has to focus on something? A book, you reading him a story, helping you with something... something where he needs to be able to sit still and focus in order to complete it properly. The more regularly he does it, the more natural it'll start to be for him.

Having said all that, toddlers are toddlers. They're going to be energetic and a bit nuts. Medicating nature isn't often a great idea. Routine is always a great idea for kids though.

_______________________________

))<>((
forever.

My schedule is different every day but I read daily and spend at least an hour playing with him. I work in customer service so when I get off some days it takes me a little whip to be able to give him my full attention. Some days I get off at 8m, some days 9pm, some 10 or 11 pm. And i stand on my feet all day and constantly have to multitask. I usually have 3 days off a week and most weeks I spend at least one whole day with him but its not any particular consistent day of the week. He has to be at daycare at 9:30 am and they follow a consistent schedule daily. At tho point in trying to get him in bed early every night. The latest by 9. But on the nights I get him at 11 and he is still awake, it throws everything off.
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Music is almost everything.

if you're considering meds, have you had him evaluated by a child psychologist?

___________________________________
"WASP of the year: even if he isn�t a WASP, Oakley. Sailing? Check. In a yacht club? Check. Used the term �summer� as a verb instead of a noun? You betcha!" -thejerseytornado

Evaluated for speech, occupational, and physical therapies. Has seen a neurologist, has a eye doctor and will be starting an early childhood developmental school in September.
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Music is almost everything.

maybe thats my hang up but Ill be that

Is because he is so young and a lot of the behaviors can't be distinguished from normal childhood behaviors. So we are just trying many methods to see which one shows improvement. Hopefully he will not need medication because he seems very happy, busy, but happy and I want him to stay happy.
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Music is almost everything.

that would be helpful info.

and i have a good pediatrician we take our son to. in richmond though. lemme know if you want the info.

Not Petersburg. And this doctor I'm speaking about today is in Chester VA.

And my son is 3. I need a doctor that listens and responds to questions without interrupting or rushing me. Someone with experience.
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Music is almost everything.

*edit* i sent it. sorry, the copy/pasts got a little jumbled up, but the numbers and addresses are all there.

Take some parenting classes so you can get some effective techniques for discipline, enrichment, deescalation and understand normal child development before you go medicating your kid who is probably fine.
The fact that your kid is so young and you're talking about medicating it tells me that you need the help, not the kid.
There is no shame in seeking help for yourself with a mental health provider or alcohol anonomous or what ever the fuck you need to get the parenting skills to be a better parent.
If you're seriously concerned about your childs devopment take them to a child psychologist and have them tested... not medicated. They will probably give you activites for both of you to do to address issues if there actually are any.
___________________________________________________________


DJTB YOMM

And I am not against taking parenting classes. Just to be clear I don't have an alcohol problem. I was concerned about abusing alcohol but since then have done a lot of soul searching and found that the issue wasn't so much about drinking, but why I drank. I have not had an alcoholic drink in about 5 months. And I have been in plenty of situations where everyone around me was drinking. So if I was an alcoholic I doubt I could have changed my behavior so successfully.
I was just not using moderation. And now that I have taken this time off I have more of an understanding of why I don't need to drink on a daily basis, even if it is just one beer.
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Music is almost everything.

________________________________
There are dozens of us! Dozens!

and knowing this community i'm sure it is hard to find a good one. it's kinda hard to find anything, especially quality. resources are slim in the petersburg area.

i've got a great one in richmond if she's willing to drive for appointments.

So the drive isn't a problem at all.
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Music is almost everything.

Or it could be the language barrier with the pediatricians.
I'll try the doc u recommended
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Music is almost everything.

A son (granted that would be hard to figure out). Having a black doctor who also happens to have twin boys has been a blessing because she has insights that other docs just wouldn't have.

Check out zocdoc.com

As far as Choosing a pediatrician goes, I have a handful fo requirements:

-Must be an MD. o disrespect to D.O.s, but I want an MD

-Must have kids. This is non-negotiable. I need a combination of published guidelines, medical training and practical parenting

-Must have completed med school and residency at US based universities I've heard of

-I prefer someone about 10-15 years out of med school. Young enough, but experienced.

A lot of the symptoms were both adhd and normal toddler behavior. Since they are so hard to distinguish, I am going to wait on looking more into medicine for him. I do think the issue is he needs to play outdoors more and I had been thinking about swimming lessons for him. I still am getting used to talking to him instead of getting frustrated with him because he needs extra attention. I just need to stay focused on the goal. Some of yall said this would get frustrating but today at the end of the appointment I felt great that I got through the embarrassment and actually got through to my son. We waited forever I'm that Dr office, but by then he had calmed down and just played with my cell phone screen and sat on the floor while I read a magazine. So yeah, he might not need medication ever but he definitely doesn't need it now. The last thing I want him to be is a zombie.(me assuming that's what the meds would do, I may be wrong).
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Music is almost everything.

I have no idea how often you do but it sounds like you just expect him to entertain himself.

This is a critical time.

Give him ALL of your attention.

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

I've been off the last two days and I didn't take him to daycare. I spent two full days with him, no tv. I have no idea why u are making assumptions but they are not correct.
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Music is almost everything.

and you responded with interacting with him the last 2 days

My assumptions are based off of your previous post on your child.

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

When I posted originally I was sitting in the doctors office.
That is the kind of poster I am. I post in the moment in feeling something because I want to talk it through. Typing it out helps me to deal with everything in feeling and be honest with it. By the time I left the doctors office I felt completely different. I got there st 10:15am and left at 12:30pm, which is a long time to have a toddler wait. And a long time to have strangers look at you and judge you.

That's the main thing I need to get over personally, other people looking at my son and then giving me a funny look. It's like I have to put on a show every time I go out. That's the best way I can explain it. I've concluded I need to go out more with him to places where he isn't restricted. By restricted I mean in a shopping cart, and train him how to stay seated or not run off into other peoples doctors rooms or not fall out on the floor she I'm trying to hold his hand. Yesterday he kept spitting and running into the doctors offices, when the lady called me up to the front desk for copay and info I held his hand and he kept fighting me and rammed his head into the desk. Everyone gasped. He kept running into the halls and offices and falling because he wasn't looking where he was going. When I was holding him while I was seated he kept spitting and ramming his head into my mouth and head when I tried reading to him he tried to rip the pages.

Eventually he calmed down but it took about an hour and by that time I was worn out. Lol. But I made it and he started acting a lot calmer. So instead of just saying we are going home and I'm not going out with him anymore today, I did take him home for a nap, fed him and then took him to the library. He liked it a lot but kept running up to people trying to read to their own children. He took the puzzle pieces, the hard ones that we were playing with and threw them on the woods stage which made lots of noise. But we had a good time despite that. We just need to go out more to places like parks where he can run and throw things and be a boy.
🙋
Music is almost everything.

That's how young boys are: hyper. Take him to the park or playground and let him do his thing. Or give him some toys and let him do his thing. Put him in a position to be physically active.

Little boys generally don't like sitting around quietly watching TV and gossiping about shit. That stuff is boring as fuck.

🙋
Music is almost everything.

but like Oakley said, the first step is getting an evaluation done, and I think it would be responsible to try other techniques and be conservative with medications.

A lot of people will tell you that he's just a toddler being a toddler, and they might be right. But... my oldest is 10 now and was diagnosed with ADHD at 6. I suspected far earlier (probably starting around when he turned 3) that he had some fairly serious issues but was assured by everyone that he was just being a kid. If I could go back and do it again (especially after having two later kids and seeing what 'normal' really is), I would have had him evaluated earlier and begun some of the behavior modification we've now been doing for 5 years.

The first step in an evaluation can be done fairly simply with (short) questionnaires that each parent and any teachers or care providers complete.
This is important for several reasons, but primarily:
a) it gives you an idea of the kinds of situations that can be indicative of ADHD, if you haven't thought about or researched it before;
b) since kids' behavior can vary depending on the setting and people in a given interaction, having a number of responses can help present a consensus and also give you an idea of his responses in situations when you're not there. And they can vary widely - my boy's first grade teacher's reports had him well into the autism spectrum, while no one else's even came close.

A pediatrician can use the simple forms to determine if a full evaluation is necessary. A full evaluation should be done by a psychiatrist, preferably specializing in ADHD. We actually had two done, one by the school psychiatrist and one by the Center for ADHD at CHOP. There was a clear consensus.

The next step after getting an evaluation/diagnosis is to determine a treatment plan. If your experience is like mine, the evaluating psychiatrist will likely discuss medicine as an option. It may be worth considering but I'm conservative with (meaning I'm not anti-) medicine and we chose to implement a behavior modification plan along with regular psychologist visits. Even if you medicate now or at some point in the future, both of these steps are very well worth pursuing.

With the psychologist, I believe that my son benefited from speaking about his behavior with someone who was an authority figure but not me or a teacher. I also got a lot out of it in terms of coping strategies - having an ADHD kid can be exhausting and frustrating, and it's worth knowing best techniques for both dealing with the kid and coping with the stresses on yourself.
As for behavior modification, the idea is having a system in place to reward good behavior, creating positive associations with goo behavior instead of (just) negative associations with bad behavior. Our kid was old enough that we centered it on school, but you could do a similar thing with day care or home as well. We put together a daily checklist where the teachers would assign points in various categories (did he stay in his seat? Did he get his work done? Did he refrain from blurting out or making noise? Did he follow other instructions?) and if he had enough points on a day, he'd get Pokemon cards or a Hot Wheels or a comic as his interests were, or additional screen/video game time. As he got older the work became more of the focus and we began offering weekly prizes (for a certain number of points in a week) and monthly (for earning weekly prize 4 weeks in a row).

About medicine: About 1 year after diagnosis his behavior wasn't much better; we tried medication and noted a quick boost in his performance that began to lag as early as a week after starting; we went through several different strengths and formulations and while we noted some improvement, my son also lost 10% of his body weight over the 6 months we had him on medication (and he was only ~50 lbs to start with, like a lot of ADHD kids he has never been a big eater). If it had been a magic bullet performance-wise, that might have been an acceptable cost, but with limited benefit like we experienced, all of us (teachers, parents, doctors) decided it wasn't worth it.

Overall I'd encourage you to do some reading on ADHD (*not* internet reading; there are plenty of books on the subject and considering it's your kid's future at stake, it's worth investing the money and time to read them if you really think he may be diagnosable) and consult with both a pediatrician (if you can find one you trust/like) an a psychiatrist, as well as any care providers the kid has.

Good luck!

-------
so I'm in a band now:
album ---> http://greenwoodburns.bandcamp.com/releases
Soundcloud ---> http://soundcloud.com/greenwood-burns

my own stuff -->http://soundcloud.com/lonesomedstringband

avy by buckshot_defunct

🙋
Music is almost everything.

I think you have real problems determining what behaviors, and capacities are age appropriate for a young child. This is evidenced by the fact that you thought that it was okay to bring a toddler to an adult movie screening. Others thought you were being inconsiderate, but I think you truly believe that the child should, and did have the capacity to sit there quietly and calmly. It's very common within the black community to want small children to behave like small adults, and we will punish and spank them into compliance. It seems to me that you're looking for the chemical version of that solution.

I took the child to the theatre because I wanted to go to the movies with my entire family to share a movie that I thought and knew ww would appreciate as a family. I in no way thought the baby would be interested in the movie. I assumed the child would fall asleep and that is exactly what happened when the lights dimmed. Maybe I don't know what behaviors are appropriate for a young child because this is my first child. Stop being an ass.


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Music is almost everything.

the movie is an example of you put yourself before your child's needs.

and this thread was another example of wanting the easy way out..

There should never be a thought of medicating a toddler because he is acting like a toddler.

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

The eyepatch post.
The my 1-2 year old kid is bad post.
Medicate my kid post.
The alcoholism post.
There were others too.
I hope this shit is just a online character that needs attention.

___________________________________________________________


DJTB YOMM

no snark intended but she sings on stage... and a lot of people who perform on stage have a hard time not being the center of attention

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

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Music is almost everything.

We don't know the child doesn't have an issue. She's says he's not learning because he's not focused. Maybe this is true. A doctor can evaluate this better than okp. And I missed how the kids needs weren't taken care of at the movies or the part where she couldn't have just left if he started fussing.

What we do know is that she thought a 2 year old could be "bad" and that she thought a toddler should be able to sit through an adult film. It stands to reason that she does not know what behaviors a child that age should exhibit or how to refocus said child. Three year olds have boundless energy and some are less focused than others. We have no indication that he's failed to reach any milestones.

>What we do know is that she thought a 2 year old could be
>"bad" and that she thought a toddler should be able to sit
>through an adult film.

Who cares if she lacks the PC vocabulary to describe what's going on. Sounds like she's observant and will get him the psychological screening he needs.

And the baby did sit through the movie, so maybe she knows her kid better than you.

i don't know why anyone keeps playing along

how many times has someone advised her to find a new pediatrician? we on what year 3, 4 or this now?

i hope this is a fake child

"i fear no fate" e.e. cummings
"No girl. No fried chicken. I'm going back to get some sleep." - Haruki Murakami

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Music is almost everything.

>Three year olds have boundless energy and
>some are less focused than others.

There is and has been an *enormous* difference between their behaviors, even as young as 2 to 3 years old, and I *wish* in hindsight that I'd listened to my inner fears and gotten the ADHD one evaluated, and begun behavior modification and psychological treatment (not medication!), earlier, instead of waiting until it was already a big problem at school and home three years later. If it hadn't been my first child, I think chances are very good we would have been more aware of how different he was and gotten him evaluated much earlier.

>We have no indication that
>he's failed to reach any milestones.

Failure to reach milestones is not indicative of ADHD; a lot of ADHD kids can speak, read, etc. on or ahead of target. But you're right that we don't have and can't really get from her any clear idea of the kid's behavior in general, and that is why, if she is *legitimately* concerned (and as a non-GD regular not up on this season of the godleeluv show, I can see just from her behavior in this post why you might be questioning her assessment), the best course of action would start with a comprehensive evaluation. At least that way the doctors can determine he's a normal, healthy kid, or they can start early intervention if needs be.

-------
so I'm in a band now:
album ---> http://greenwoodburns.bandcamp.com/releases
Soundcloud ---> http://soundcloud.com/greenwood-burns

my own stuff -->http://soundcloud.com/lonesomedstringband

avy by buckshot_defunct

I was countering the claims that the his attention issues have impacted his ability to learn.

-------
so I'm in a band now:
album ---> http://greenwoodburns.bandcamp.com/releases
Soundcloud ---> http://soundcloud.com/greenwood-burns

my own stuff -->http://soundcloud.com/lonesomedstringband

avy by buckshot_defunct

and people are discussing it.

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

But he slept the whole time.

It was important to me to show up. I'm glad I did because that was one of the last times we all got together as a family. There were ten of us there.
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Music is almost everything.

I think lonesome d and others gave some good advice.

Prob best to just ignore these types.

Posting here. So I focus on that.
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Music is almost everything.

Saying I want to evaluate my kid for developmental issues, what ever they maybe, is really different than saying I want to medicate my 2 year old because he is hyper. No responsible doctor medicates a 2 or 3 year old for being hyper but unfortunately there are enough irresponsible ones who will medicate a black child into oblivion, epecially if the parents are on board.
Who know what the kids issues are but her response to basic parenting situation and stresses is off frequently.

>Saying I want to evaluate my kid for developmental issues,
>what ever they maybe, is really different than saying I want
>to medicate my 2 year old because he is hyper.

There's a lingering idea that 'treatment for ADHD is medication' and that's it. Medication is only one avenue out of several, and scientifically speaking the best results are usually (and every decent doctor will tell you, every ADHD kid is different and treatment needs to reflect that) a combination of medication and behavior modification in concert.

There's also a general lack of understanding of the evaluation process - what it entails, how to get service, etc.



>No responsible
>doctor medicates a 2 or 3 year old for being hyper but
>unfortunately there are enough irresponsible ones who will
>medicate a black child into oblivion, epecially if the parents
>are on board.

I think this applies for any kid. I don't know anything about whether doctors medicate that young, but the conservative treatment course would be to start with other techniques whatever age the diagnosis is developed.

Unfortunately, I also believe ADHD is or can be overdiagnosed, frequently at the prodding of parents looking for excuses why their child is not as successful as he or she should be. But that doesn't delegitimize the issue for kids who really do have a problem, and it also doesn't delegitimize the fact that for many kids diagnosed with ADHD, medication really does work.


>Who know what the kids issues are but her response to basic
>parenting situation and stresses is off frequently.

-------
so I'm in a band now:
album ---> http://greenwoodburns.bandcamp.com/releases
Soundcloud ---> http://soundcloud.com/greenwood-burns

my own stuff -->http://soundcloud.com/lonesomedstringband

avy by buckshot_defunct

NOPE!!!

It's non-negotiable so don't bother testin' me and spare me the 'I have ADHD so I KNOW its real' stories.

No flex zone over here

I was saying I was finally leaning in the mindset that he may need medication. I have been against it the whole three years. But I don't want my opinion to overshadow his needs. I just want him to be a happy child who can focus at some point enough to excel in development. He will begin early childhood development school in September where he will have teachers to work with him one on one with speech and cognitive development. Until then I've been working with him daily. But when they evaluated him they said he is going to have to focus on the task at hand in order to receive the learning he needs. And they told me ways to work on that at home which I do daily. It just doesn't seem to be working. Which is why I want to find a pediatrician I can talk to and who will listen.
🙋
Music is almost everything.

>Before I go to my next topic, when I walked in and sat down
>with my son today in the waiting area of his doctor an old man
>came in and told the lady at the desk he needed a gun. This
>immediately made me clutch my pearls and prepare to exit. But
>the nurse asked why, and he said, some days it doesn't seem
>worth it to be here. Which I understood. But that poor guy.

http://www.youtube.com/user/gumzization
twitter: @BrosefMalone