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Subject: "PTP's own awards show, The Fourth Annual Spilled Latte Awards Ceremony!" This topic is locked.
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Frank Longo
Member since Nov 18th 2003
85553 posts
Mon Feb-28-11 02:20 PM

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"PTP's own awards show, The Fourth Annual Spilled Latte Awards Ceremony!"
Mon Feb-28-11 02:21 PM by Frank Longo

  

          

********** INTRO FILM ************

*we see James Franco riding his bike through the desert a la 127 Hours. He does some jumps over hills. He approaches a canyon opening, where he encounters Frank Longo, dressed in hiker’s gear drinking from a camel pack. He is peering over the edge and shivers from fear of heights. Franco skids his bike to a stop and gets off.*

Franco: Hey Frank!
Longo: Jimmy. Where are you off to?
Franco: I’m going to be the host of the Spilled Latte Awards.
Longo: You’re hosting something… again?
Franco: Yeah, man. Got my tux on my bike and I’m headed to the theater now.
Longo: Hosting… again… hey, wanna check out a great view?
Franco: Sure!

*Franco walks to the edge of the canyon and peeks in. Longo gives him a bump with his elbow, causing him to fall in. As we hear Franco yelling “let me out” etc., Longo rolls a massive boulder up to the canyon opening while innocently whistling Singin In The Rain. He pushes the boulder into the canyon on top of Franco*

Franco: Dude! Not cool!
Longo: You’re better here than playing host. Trust me.

*Longo opens up his backpack, pulls out a bag of Skittles, and tosses them down the canyon to Franco*

Longo: In case you get the munchies.

*Longo hops on the bike and rides away. Cut to Franco looking dejected.*

Franco: Well, at least this gives me some time to work on my thesis.

*Cut to Longo entering an apartment in NYC. Barbara Hershey enters a la Black Swan*

Hershey: Do you know what time it is?
Longo: Not now, Mom. I just found out I’m hosting the Lattes again.
Hershey: You can’t handle this!
Longo: And we all couldn’t handle another Franco hosted ceremony, so, y’know, tough luck.
Hershey: This hosting role is too much, isn’t it? I know. It’s causing too much pressure. Sweetie, you need to rest.
Longo: I’m going out. I’ve got to get ready.
Hershey: What happened to my sweet Frank?

*Longo turns, with eyes glowing red*

Longo: HE’S GONE.

*cut to Longo in a boxing ring with Jack McGee a la The Fighter. McGee is holding up pics of celebrities as Longo bobs and weaves in a tuxedo*

McGee: CHARLIE SHEEN.
Longo: He hasn’t slept in two and a half days!
McGee: MEL GIBSON.
Longo: He specifically requested to be seated in the one row without any Jews!
McGee: HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN.
Longo: The Force is with him… too bad talent isn’t!

*Christian Bale enters as Dicky Ward with Melissa Leo as the mother*

Bale: Hey, don’t make mean jokes at the expense of celebrities. It’s fucking DISTRACTING.
Leo: Listen to Dicky, Franky!
Longo: I’m the one who’s hosting! Not you, not you, and not you!

*Longo runs out a door and down some stairs, and finds himself wandering through Ward C in Shutter Island*

Voice of Jackie Earle Haley: Looooooon- gooooooooo…

*Longo sees the mostly-naked Jackie Earle Haley crouching in his dimly lit cell*

Longo: Couldn’t stay out of trouble, could you, Kelly? Look, I’m trying to find my way to the Lattes.
Haley: Don’t you get it? You’re a rat caught in a maze. You’ll never figure it out.

*Longo pulls out a top a la Inception and spins it on the ground*

Haley: What is that?
Longo: Just trying to see if I’m being incepted or not.
Haley: No, that’s the other movie where Leo has a crazy murderous wife in his dreams.
Longo: … that’s exactly what someone incepting me would want me to believe.

*Longo runs out as Haley screams after him*

Haley: You’ll never leave this island!... If you do, pitch me in a Watchmen prequel!

*Longo falls through a trap door and lands in a moving river of garbage, where he sees several familiar toys from Toy Story 3. He sees Woody.*

Longo: Woody!

*he sees Buzz Lightyear*

Longo: Buzz!

*he sees Ricky Gervais*

Longo: … Ricky?
Ricky: They put me down here after the Golden Globes. I guess people really did love The Tourist.
Longo: Don’t talk like that. We’re gonna get out of here.

*they all link hands and the giant claw grabs them and carries them to safety, where Andy waits for them with the little girl, Bonnie*

Andy: Now Longo, he’s been my moderator for as long as I can remember. He’s brave, like a host should be. And kind and smart. But the thing that makes Longo special, is he’ll never give up on you… ever.

*Jennifer Lawrence walks by, and Longo follows her immediately*

Andy: He’ll be there for you, no matter wh—

*Andy looks around*

Andy: Where’d Longo go?

*Ricky Gervais steps up and slicks back his hair*

Ricky: I’ll be your friend, Bonnie.
Bonnie: I saw what you said about Tim Allen, you dick.

*we catch up with Longo, who taps Jennifer Lawrence on the shoulder. She’s dressed like the girl from Winter’s Bone*

Longo: Hey… wow. Looked better in publicity photos. Hey, uh, I need to get to the Lattes. Can you take me?
Lawrence: Sure thing! My uncle Teardrop can take you in his truck!

*Longo looks into the sideview mirror, where John Hawkes is holding a gun and glaring at him with enormous intensity*

Longo: Um… I think I’ll walk.

*Longo runs. Cut to a montage of Longo running through the desert until he blacks out. When he comes to, he’s on a horse with Jeff Bridges a la the end of True Grit. The music swells, and when the horse collapses, Bridges carries a tuxedoed Longo to the front door of the ceremony and collapses himself*

Longo: Thanks, Dude.

*Longo runs to the front door where two young bouncers stop him*

Bouncer #1: Password?

*Longo punches them both so hard that they turn into coins. As Longo runs in, Nicolas Cage sneaks around the corner and starts putting the coins into a bag. Longo waits backstage and sees Sir Geoffrey Rush standing next to him*

Rush: How do you feel?
Longo: Full of hot air.
Rush: Isn’t that what hosting is all about?

*Rush gestures his hand to indicate for Longo to enter*

********** END INTRO FILM **************

Voice of Geoffrey Rush: Ladies and gentlemen, your host for the Fourth Annual Spilled Latte Awards… Frank Longo!

*Longo enters to massive applause, cut to shot of Jennifer Lawrence blinking at him with LOVE YOU written on her eyelids*

Longo: Thank you, thank you. Thank you, Sir Geoffrey. If you were wondering about his current hairstyle, he’s starring in the new musical adaptation of Mr. Magoo. *laughter* Julie Taymor is directing it, and let me tell you, there’s this great sequence where he jumps a car from off the stage into the balcony. *laughter* Okay, enough edgy Mr. Magoo humor! Let’s bring out our first presenter. Last year, she followed the proud actress tradition of winning the Oscar without being nominated for the Latte… Sandra Bullock!

*Bullock comes out in a gorgeous Versace gown*

Bullock: Thank you, Frank. Cinematographers have to adopt a variety of images and styles to make a movie look gorgeous. I adopted a black baby after my husband fucked a Nazi prostitute. *standing ovation for Bullock* Now for the award…

In 5th place, with 24 points, Enrique Chediak & Anthony Dod Mantle for 127 Hours.
In 4th place, with 29 points, Jeff Cronenweth for The Social Network.
In 3rd place, with 34 points, Matthew Libatique for Black Swan.
In 2nd place, with 43 points, Roger Deakins for True Grit.

And the winner of the Spilled Latte for Best Cinematography, with 58 points… Wally Pfister for Inception!

*Pfister collects his award and begins speaking when the play-off music begins immediately since no one knows who the hell he is, so he exits with Bullock*

Longo: At least they didn’t name him Willy. *waits for the laughter and applause which eventually comes* The answer is YES! Moving on, presenting the award for Best Score, you loved him in last night’s Oscar ceremony, America’s favorite nonagenarian, Kirk Douglas!

*massive applause and standing ovation as Kirk Douglas slowly takes the stage*

Douglas: lerst mghorthm, trhop msrthosrt asef iaifanf o oetyisrt yosho artpo qerykqperk ppsiaghjs werhb waefoia wen. *looks at Jennifer Lawrence, says in randy tone of voice* mrgjesrt homsr qermgqme wflrgam ERMGEL:G amrg mergjto!

*Douglas smiles and audience laughs, Michael Douglas comes out behind him to raucous applause*

M. Douglas: Let me help you with this, Dad. I used to think a score was just something my son Cameron got five days a week in back alleys. But for a movie, it’s often the soaring and haunting music played throughout the film.

Tied for 5th place, with 17 points each, Alexandre Desplat for The Ghost Writer, and Clint Mansell for Black Swan.
In 3rd place, with 41 points, Daft Punk for TRON: Legacy.
In 2nd place, with 64 points, Hans Zimmer for Inception.

And the winner of the Spilled Latte for Best Original Score is… Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross for The Social Network!

*Reznor accepts award while again avoiding any NIN references, Ross also says some shit no one cares about*

Longo: Thank you, Douglii. Might I add, Kirk, that was a marvelous Charlie Sheen impression. *everyone laughs because Charlie Sheen jokes are funny* Next up, since he wasn’t allowed at the Oscars, we got him to give an award here. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s Banksy!

*a man in a monkey mask comes out and speaks through a voice manipulator*

Banksy: Thank you, Frank. It’s a honor to be here at the Spilled Lattes. This ceremony is way better than the ones hosted by *holds up Blu-Ray of The Other Guys* the other guys. The humor is way funnier and smarter here. It’s like this entire thing was written by a *holds up Blu-Ray of Megamind* megamind. Funny story—while creating some new street art, I was watching Megamind on my Sony Portable Blu-Ray player, and it is really a delight for the whole family.

*throughout this, Longo has been in the back with a suspicious look on his face, he runs up and rips off the mask, revealing Will Ferrell underneath*

Longo: Will, why are you disguised as Banksy?
Ferrell: Okay, Frank, you got me. Riddle solved. Yes, America. I… am Banksy.
Longo: No, you’re not.
Ferrell: Yes, yes I am.
Longo: That’s not the truth.
Ferrell: Well sometimes the truth… *holds up Blu-Ray of Stranger Than Fiction* is Stranger Than Fiction.
Longo: Will you just get on with it??
Ferrell: Very well. The Spilled Latte for Best Adapted Screenplay.

In 5th place, with 26 points, Danny Boyle and Simon Beaufoy for 127 Hours.
In 4th place, with 31 points, Debra Granik and Anne Rossellini for Winter's Bone
In 3rd place, with 38 points, Michael Arndt for Toy Story 3.
In 2nd place, with 46 points, Joel and Ethan Coen for True Grit.

And the winner of the Spilled Latte for Best Adapted Screenplay, with 71 points… Aaron Sorkin for The Social Network!

*Sorkin accepts the award, giving a speech that manages to be witty without being funny, not unlike Studio 60*

Longo: That was the best script written by a former drug mule since Lost In Translation. *scattered laughter mixed with head-scratching* Up next to present the award for Best Original Screenplay, a former winner for Best Original Screenplay. His scripts are as original as Puff Daddy’s beats in the 1990s… Mr. Quentin Tarantino!

*Tarantino’s gigantic melon head wobbles out on stage, kept afloat by massive amounts of coke*

Tarantino: Thanks, Frank, alright? Now look, man, I’ve got to say something, alright? Where are all the black people in the Oscar nominees this year, alright? Inception? Honky-fest, alright? The King’s Speech? They probably had slaves, alright? The Social Network? Rashida doesn’t count, alright? The Kids Are All Right, alright? They should have called it The Kids Are All White, am I right, alright? Black Swan? They should have called it N***er Swan, alright? Because there were no n***ers in it, alright? *murmurs from the audience* It’s okay, alright, my date to the ceremony is black.

Tied for 5th place, with 18 votes each, Jacques Audiard, Thomas Bidegain, Abdel Raouf Dafri & Nicolas Peufaillit for Un Prophete, and David Michôd for Animal Kingdom.
In 4th place, with 24 points, Derek Cianfrance, Cami Delavigne and Joey Curtis for Blue Valentine.
In 3rd place, with 25 points, Mark Heyman, Andres Heinz and John McLaughlin for Black Swan.
In 2nd place, with 53 points, David Seidler for The King's Speech.

And the winner of the Spilled Latte for Best Original Screenplay, with 57 points… Christopher Nolan for Inception!

*Nolan comes out and painfully explains all of the steps he took to get from his seat to the podium until the music plays him off*

Longo: Thank you, Eddie Munster. *the audience laughs because his hairline is super-pointy* Next, we were going to have a presentation done by a hologram of a famous dead actor, Marlon Brando… but he was so fat, even his hologram broke the chair it was sitting in. *laughter at fat joke* So I’ll present the award for Best Supporting Actor.

In 5th place, with 20 points, Ben Mendelsohn for Animal Kingdom.
In 4th place, with 23 points, Jeremy Renner for The Town.
Tied for 3rd place, with 51 points apiece, John Hawkes for Winter’s Bone and Geoffrey Rush for The King’s Speech.

And the winner of the Spilled Latte for Best Supporting Actor, with 68 points… Christian Bale for The Fighter!

*Bale gets to the podium to accept the award, and pointedly thanks his cinematographer for being so professional this time*

Longo: Crackheads are SO much more charming than Batman. Let’s keep this show moving with me presenting more awards, because if we don’t hurry, Kirk Douglas will be dead by Best Director. And now, for Best Supporting Actress, in one of the closest Latte races of all time…

In 5th place, with 23 points, Amy Adams for The Fighter.
In 4th place, with 32 points, Helena Bonham Carter for The King’s Speech.
In 3rd place, with 35 points, Dale Dickey for Winter’s Bone.
In 2nd place, with 37 points, Jacki Weaver for Animal Kingdom.

And the winner of the Spilled Latte for Best Supporting Actress, with 40 points… Melissa Leo for The Fighter!

*Leo comes out and shouts her speech over the boos of loyal Dickey and Weaver supporters*

Longo: What I wouldn’t give for one night alone with Dale Dickey. I would beat that pussy up. *catcalls and whistles from the audience, Dickey pulls one of her tits out for Longo* While I go for a quickie, here to present Best Actress and Best Actor is everyone’s favorite non-Longo PTP moderator, Zootown!

*Zootown approaches the podium*

Zoo: Nope, not takin’ the bait on that, Longo. Sorry. The nominees for Best Actress are four hot young white women and one old South Korean lady. There’s a funny race joke there somewhere, but I ain’t bitin’. Be mad.

In 5th place, with 16 points, Kim Hye-Ja for Mother.
In 4th place, with 40 points, Michelle Williams for Blue Valentine.
In 3rd place, with 53 points, Natalie Portman for Black Swan.
In 2nd place, with 55 points, Jennifer Lawrence for Winter’s Bone.

And the winner of the Spilled Latte for Best Actress, with 58 points and an upset… GOOD! Hailee Steinfeld for True Grit!

*Steinfeld comes up and thanks her mom, dad, and her spelling tutor. She then takes a hit of coke and leaves the stage*

Zoo: No, R. Kelly was not found guilty, so I will not make a R. Kelly joke about her. Sorry. Won’t do it. And now, moving right along to Best Actor, in a nail biter of a race.

In 5th place, with 29 points, Jesse Eisenberg for The Social Network.
In 4th place, with 32 points, Jeff Bridges for True Grit.
In 3rd place, with 39 points, Ryan Gosling for Blue Valentine.
In 2nd place, with 56 points, Colin Firth for The King’s Speech.

And the winner of the Spilled Latte for Best Actor, with 57 points and a one-point margin of victory… FRANCO for 127 Hours!

*Franco takes the stand and exhibits some of the trademark charm he showed at the Oscars*

Longo: How can someone who does so much good work manage to be so fucking boring? *laughter and applause* No, that’s not a joke, I’m serious. *everyone stops applauding and gets suddenly quiet* Now, on to Best Director, where it was another one point squeaker.

In 5th place, with 24 points, Tom Hooper for The King’s Speech.
In 4th place, with 33 points, Danny Boyle for 127 Hours.
In 3rd place, with 43 points, Darren Aronofsky for Black Swan.
In 2nd place, with 46 points, David Fincher for The Social Network.

And the winner of the Spilled Latte for Best Director, with 47 points… Christopher Nolan for Inception!

*Nolan returns to the stage and explains in great detail everything he could do backstage and the various choices one had of paths one could take to return to the stage*

Longo: After losing for Benjamin Button, Zodiac, and now back-to-back losses of the Oscar and Latte, Fincher must be mad. He’s really taking constant hits. Or, as Charlie Sheen calls it, Tuesday. *laughter, not because it’s funny, but because Charlie Sheen references are funny* And now, to present the final award for Best Picture, the man who gave the Spilled Latte Awards their name, back again… Orbit_Established!

*applause as O_E approaches the mic*

O_E: Good evening. On the way here, I grabbed some sushi. California rolls are good as shit, famz. The soy sauce is the perfect compliment, but O_E the God don’t fuck with wasabi. There’s a specific flavor profile with the California roll that gets fucked up when you throw wasabi in the mix. But with the Spicy Tataki roll? Wasabi me up, no homo. *laughter and applause* Anyway. I’m gonna get through this quickly, because when choosing between presenting at a Frappalattechino ceremony like this and having a cute redbone beg for my enormously plus-sized dick… just sayin. Plus, we all know that Inception shit is gon win anyway.

In 5th place, with 23 points, Winter’s Bone.
Tied for 4th place, with 32 points each, Toy Story 3 and The King’s Speech.
In 2nd place, with 33 points, The Social Network.

And the winner of the Spilled Latte for Best Picture, with 47 points… you already know. Inception. Peace kings.

*O_E walks off with a thick girl, Nolan tries to holler at her, and O_E smacks him in the face. Nolan thanks everyone and tries to get Michelle Williams’ number as consolation*

Longo: It was a dream night for Christopher Nolan… or was it???

*Longo spins a top, and the camera zooms in on it as it spins for a surreal amount of time before wobbling… and the second it looks like it might be slowing down, cut to black and roll credits*

********************** ORIGINAL NOMINEES POST **********************

Here are the nominees (a.k.a. the Top 5 votegetters) for the Fourth Annual Spilled Latte Awards. Note: some categories may have more than 5 nominees due to a tie in the amount of votes the nominees received. The results will be announced the night before the Oscars, in order to steal their shine.

Running parallel to their competition for the Academy Awards, The King's Speech and The Social Network lead all nominees with six apiece. Inception, Black Swan, and Winter's Bone each came in with five nominees apiece-- Winter's Bone's showing comes as somewhat of a surprise, with it beating out Academy favorites True Grit and 127 Hours, which each have four nominations, and The Fighter, which garnered three. Also with three nominations apiece are films that got mostly snubbed by the Academy, Blue Valentine and Animal Kingdom.

In Spilled Latte History trivia, Kim Hye-Ja, nominated for Best Actress for her work in Mother, becomes only the second acting nominee ever from a foreign language film. Hailee Steinfeld, nominated for Best Actress, becomes our youngest ever nominee.

The Coen Brothers rack up their fifth nomination in four years. Jeff Bridges and Jeremy Renner both collected nominations for the second consecutive year. Multiple familiar cinematographers are nominated, with Anthony Dod Mantle and Wally Pfister each collecting their nomination and the great Roger Deakins getting his fourth in four years. Also earning his fourth (and third) nomination was Christopher Nolan, trying to catch up to the Coens and avenge his loss to Aronofsky two years ago. Other repeat nominees: Fighter actresses Melissa Leo and Amy Adams, and 127 Hours writers Simon Beaufoy and Danny Boyle.

BEST PICTURE:
Inception
The King's Speech
The Social Network
Toy Story 3
Winter's Bone

BEST DIRECTOR:
Darren Aronofsky, Black Swan
Danny Boyle, 127 Hours
David Fincher, The Social Network
Tom Hooper, The King's Speech
Christopher Nolan, Inception

BEST ACTOR:
Jeff Bridges, True Grit
Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network
Colin Firth, The King's Speech
James Franco, 127 Hours
Ryan Gosling, Blue Valentine

BEST ACTRESS:
Kim Hye-Ja, Mother
Jennifer Lawrence, Winter's Bone
Natalie Portman, Black Swan
Hailee Steinfeld, True Grit
Michelle Williams, Blue Valentine

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR:
Christian Bale, The Fighter
John Hawkes, Winter's Bone
Ben Mendelsohn, Animal Kingdom
Jeremy Renner, The Town
Geoffrey Rush, The King's Speech

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS:
Amy Adams, The Fighter
Helena Bonham Carter, The King's Speech
Dale Dickey, Winter's Bone
Melissa Leo, The Fighter
Jacki Weaver, Animal Kingdom

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY:
Michael Arndt, Toy Story 3
Danny Boyle and Simon Beaufoy, 127 Hours
Joel and Ethan Coen, True Grit
Debra Granik and Anne Rossellini, Winter's Bone
Aaron Sorkin, The Social Network

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY:
Jacques Audiard, Thomas Bidegain, Abdel Raouf Dafri & Nicolas Peufaillit, Un Prophete
Derek Cianfrance, Cami Delavigne and Joey Curtis, Blue Valentine
Mark Heyman, Andres Heinz and John McLaughlin, Black Swan
David Michôd, Animal Kingdom
Christopher Nolan, Inception
David Seidler, The King's Speech

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY:
Wally Pfister, Inception
Roger Deakins, True Grit
Jeff Cronenweth, The Social Network
Matthew Libatique, Black Swan
Enrique Chediak & Anthony Dod Mantle, 127 Hours

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE:
Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, The Social Network
Daft Punk, TRON: Legacy
Hans Zimmer, Inception
Clint Mansell, Black Swan
Alexandre Desplat, The Ghost Writer

For beer lovers: http://thebeertravelguide.com
For movie lovers: http://russellhainline.com

  

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
Princeguy jumps out the balcony like John Wilkes Booth
Feb 28th 2011
1
Fuck, that's funny.
Feb 28th 2011
2
Close races in the acting categories
Feb 28th 2011
3
Excellent job Frank!!!!!
Feb 28th 2011
4
very nicely done
Feb 28th 2011
5
lol, these are significantly worse than the oscars
Feb 28th 2011
6
I'm torn.
Feb 28th 2011
7
an average point per nominee list would be awesome
Mar 01st 2011
8
      Here's a POINT PER VOTE results for the major categories:
Mar 01st 2011
12
           another interesting sidenote: i'm just gonna collect my christan bale L
Mar 01st 2011
18
                I felt exactly the same way for Sean Penn in Milk.
Mar 02nd 2011
21
                     well, you should've let me know
Mar 02nd 2011
23
Hailee wasnt up against Portman or Williams
Mar 01st 2011
9
      yes she was
Mar 01st 2011
11
           Natalie in The Professional>>>Natalie in Black Swan
Mar 01st 2011
14
                theprofessional in natalie >>>>>>> natalie in black swan
Mar 01st 2011
19
                     I see what you did there
Mar 02nd 2011
22
*riotous applause*
Mar 01st 2011
10
Willy Pfister! The answer is Yes!
Mar 01st 2011
13
The pfabolus cinematograpfher with the pfunny name
Mar 01st 2011
16
* Applauds in seat *
Mar 01st 2011
15
Once again, NICE-ly done.
Mar 01st 2011
17
Awesome! Thanks again for all the work you put in!
Mar 02nd 2011
20

bignick
Charter member
24054 posts
Mon Feb-28-11 02:25 PM

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1. "Princeguy jumps out the balcony like John Wilkes Booth"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Yells, "No Night Catches Us?!" Opens his trench coat to reveal that he's strapped with C4.
**Boom**

  

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Frank Longo
Member since Nov 18th 2003
85553 posts
Mon Feb-28-11 02:34 PM

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2. "Fuck, that's funny."
In response to Reply # 1


  

          

I wish I'd thought of that. :-\

For beer lovers: http://thebeertravelguide.com
For movie lovers: http://russellhainline.com

  

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Marauder21
Charter member
49516 posts
Mon Feb-28-11 03:38 PM

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3. "Close races in the acting categories"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

I really thought Michelle Williams had a shot at this since I knew she wouldn't get the Oscar. Disappointing.

------

12 play and 12 planets are enlighten for all the Aliens to Party and free those on the Sex Planet-maxxx

XBL: trkc21
Twitter: @tyrcasey

  

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Wordman
Member since Apr 11th 2003
11224 posts
Mon Feb-28-11 04:57 PM

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4. "Excellent job Frank!!!!!"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Even if that little True Grit girl won without doing anything in the last hour of the movie.


"Your current frequencies of understanding outweigh that which has been given for you to understand." Saul Williams

  

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benny
Member since Jan 15th 2003
8278 posts
Mon Feb-28-11 08:32 PM

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5. "very nicely done"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

------------------------------
For the record, my teams:
MLB: Mets / Soccer: PSG
NCAA BB: Arizona / NCAA FB: Michigan
NBA: Spurs / NFL: Jets

  

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theprofessional
Charter member
8761 posts
Mon Feb-28-11 09:46 PM

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6. "lol, these are significantly worse than the oscars"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

not the hosting, that was awesome. sandra bullock's presenter speech was especially hilarious.

but if hailee steinfeld had won an oscar for best actress over portman or williams, it would have been a travesty. likewise if colin firth had lost best actor to anyone. the rest of it, we either fell in line with the academy or awarded films (inception) that were equal to the ones that won (king's speech). the only significant upgrade was nolan in the director category. overall, our nominees were better than the academy's, but our winners were way worse.

"i smack clowns with nouns, punch herbs with verbs..."

  

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Frank Longo
Member since Nov 18th 2003
85553 posts
Mon Feb-28-11 11:22 PM

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7. "I'm torn."
In response to Reply # 6


  

          

>not the hosting, that was awesome. sandra bullock's
>presenter speech was especially hilarious.

I was about to say, "THIS motherfucker..." lol

>but if hailee steinfeld had won an oscar for best actress over
>portman or williams, it would have been a travesty. likewise
>if colin firth had lost best actor to anyone. the rest of it,
>we either fell in line with the academy or awarded films
>(inception) that were equal to the ones that won (king's
>speech). the only significant upgrade was nolan in the
>director category. overall, our nominees were better than the
>academy's, but our winners were way worse.

I had Steinfeld above Portman on my personal list, and had Franco at #1 to Firth at #2 on my personal list, so those I don't mind.

It's hard being the tally guy, because you see while tallying how close the races are. How awesome would a Dale Dickey upset have been? And look how fucking close it came to happening. That's the category that disappointed me most.

And Inception screenplay over The King's Speech-- come on, the screenplay is probably the weakest part of Inception. I would've preferred a Pic/Director split too, just for parity's sake... but it seemed destined to be an Inception-heavy year, so I couldn't be TOO mad.

Usually, I like our list more... but this year, I did like The Oscars more, mostly because I think The King's Speech is definitely a better film than Inception. Winter's Bone winning ANYTHING would've made me see it differently though, and it came so close... it had easily the highest point average per nominee. People like Bale would get at least a 3 on everything, but Hawkes was basically a 5 on EVERYONE'S ballot who had him. That's why this scoring system isn't really perfect because, like the Oscars, it still benefits that which has been the most seen.

But maybe that's just how it should be, and I should stop being so fucking snooty. *shrug*

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theprofessional
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8. "an average point per nominee list would be awesome"
In response to Reply # 7


  

          

but seriously, don't do it. you've done enough work already. but like you said, all awards are skewed by people just not being able to see all the films. it's somewhat balanced out by the people who have seen small films (like winter's bone or 127 hours) and know they'll get overlooked by the masses so they get extra passionate, often overly passionate about them. aka the hurt locker syndrome.

it's possible that bale's point per was so low because everyone who nominated him figured he'd be a shoo-in and felt comfortable pimping other actors in their top spots. while everyone who loved hawkes's performance knew he'd need the juice to beat bale, and made him a five. maybe that's how it went down. i just ranked mine from my favorite on down, but i'm sure a lot of people were being more slick with their points.

but yeah, the lattes desperately needed an upset in one of the supporting categories, if not both. and if we're gonna have upsets in the lead categories, how about rewarding michelle williams for a brilliant performance that she didn't win a single award for, thanks to the (somewhat deserved, but come on) portman train. but steinfeld? probably another case of not a lot of people seeing blue valentine versus pretty much everyone seeing true grit. and i'm guessing williams's point per was higher than steinfeld's, but probably not as high as jennifer lawrence's. whatever. franco was a solid pick though. i disagree, strongly, but in retrospect it's a respectable pick.

i also disagree that inception's screenplay wasn't the equal of the king's speech. i put TKS higher on my list, but inception was a pretty brilliant film whose issues were entirely due to pacing and perhaps a miscast ingenue. the blueprint was superb though.

"i smack clowns with nouns, punch herbs with verbs..."

  

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Frank Longo
Member since Nov 18th 2003
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Tue Mar-01-11 09:59 AM

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12. "Here's a POINT PER VOTE results for the major categories:"
In response to Reply # 8


  

          

It's actually surprising how minor the changes are. I only tallied something if it had at least 4 votes on the 24 submitted ballots.

BEST PICTURE:
The Social Network- 3.67
Inception- 3.62
Toy Story 3- 3.56
The King's Speech- 3.56
Blue Valentine- 3.33
Winter's Bone- 2.88
True Grit- 2.83
The Fighter- 2.8
Un Prophete- 2.75
Black Swan- 2.71
Exit Through The Gift Shop- 2.6
127 Hours- 2.5

BEST DIRECTOR:
David Fincher, The Social Network- 4.18
Tom Hooper, The King's Speech- 4
Darren Aronofsky, Black Swan- 3.91
Danny Boyle, 127 Hours- 3.67
Debra Granik, Winter's Bone- 3.5
Christopher Nolan, Inception- 3.36
The Coens, True Grit- 2.75
Derek Cianfrance, Blue Valentine- 2.6
David Michod, Animal Kingdom- 2.5

BEST ACTOR:
Javier Bardem, Biutiful- 4.8
James Franco, 127 Hours- 3.8
Colin Firth, The King's Speech- 3.73
Ryan Gosling, Blue Valentine- 3.55
Jeff Bridges, True Grit- 2.91
Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network- 2.64
Tahar Rahim, Un Prophete- 2.2

BEST ACTRESS:
Jennifer Lawrence, Winter's Bone- 4.23
Hailee Steinfeld, True Grit- 4.14
Natalie Portman, Black Swan- 4.08
Kim Hye-Ja, Mother- 4
Michelle Williams, Blue Valentine- 3.33
Julianne Moore, The Kids Are All Right- 2.2

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR:
Christian Bale, The Fighter- 4.25
John Hawkes, Winter's Bone- 3.92
Andrew Garfield, The Social Network- 3.6
Geoffrey Rush, The King's Speech- 3.4
Ben Mendelsohn, Animal Kingdom- 3.3
Matt Damon, True Grit- 2.57
Jeremy Renner, The Town- 2.56

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS:
Melissa Leo, The Fighter- 4
Amy Adams, The Fighter- 3.83
Jacki Weaver, Animal Kingdom- 3.7
Dale Dickey, Winter's Bone- 3.5
Barbara Hershey, Black Swan- 3.33
Helena Bonham Carter, The King's Speech- 3.2
Chloe Moretz, Kick-Ass- 2.5
Mila Kunis, Black Swan- 2.2
Rebecca Hall, The Town- 1.75

INTERESTING SIDENOTES:
1. So I was wrong before. Hawkes received 7 first-place votes, but Bale received a whopping 10. All the Hawkes ones came right in a row, which is probably why it seemed like all his supporters gave him the top award, when in reality only a little over half did.
2. If I'd allowed candidates who got only 3 votes, Olivia Williams would have won Best Supporting Actress for The Ghost Writer with 4.33.
3. Javier Bardem wins the Most Loyal Fanbase Award, receiving only 5 votes, but *4* of them gave him the top award.
4. It's amazing how far down Nolan's director standing goes in this system-- his Best Picture standing barely slipped at all, but he fell all the way to sixth in this scoring system for director.
5. I was intrigued that of the discussed "upsets"-- Franco over Firth, Steinfeld over Portman and Williams-- they stayed the same in this method of voting. Another vote at her average points per vote, and Portman still wouldn't have beaten Steinfeld... but Lawrence would have.
6. Bias against animated movie directors exists here too, with Toy Story 3 receiving 9 votes for Best Picture but Lee Unkrich getting only 2 (!!) for Best Director out of 24 ballots.

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theprofessional
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18. "another interesting sidenote: i'm just gonna collect my christan bale L"
In response to Reply # 12


  

          

and k.i.m. i thought his performance was hammy and awkward, apparently not one other person in the world did. you gave me some hope by saying hawkes had a higher average, but nope, not even that one small meaningless victory. it's obvious now that bale's gratingly unnatural high voice and aw shucks lovable crackhead demeanor are the pinnacle of acting achievement. christian bale 527 (awards won this year), theprofessional 0. i lose. i quit. i hate all of you.

"i smack clowns with nouns, punch herbs with verbs..."

  

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Frank Longo
Member since Nov 18th 2003
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Wed Mar-02-11 10:21 AM

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21. "I felt exactly the same way for Sean Penn in Milk."
In response to Reply # 18


  

          

So I feel you.

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theprofessional
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23. "well, you should've let me know"
In response to Reply # 21


  

          

'cause i would've been right there with you on that. he was half a step away from his god awful i am sam performance.

"i smack clowns with nouns, punch herbs with verbs..."

  

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Ceej
Member since Feb 16th 2006
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Tue Mar-01-11 07:46 AM

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9. "Hailee wasnt up against Portman or Williams"
In response to Reply # 6


  

          

http://i.imgur.com/vPqCzVU.jpg

  

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theprofessional
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Tue Mar-01-11 09:58 AM

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11. "yes she was"
In response to Reply # 9
Tue Mar-01-11 10:22 AM by theprofessional

  

          

>BEST ACTRESS:
>Kim Hye-Ja, Mother
>Jennifer Lawrence, Winter's Bone
>Natalie Portman, Black Swan
>Hailee Steinfeld, True Grit
>Michelle Williams, Blue Valentine

i'm saying that if steinfeld had been nominated in the proper category for the oscars and beaten out portman and williams the way she did here, it would have been a travesty.

this isn't the kid's choice awards. we're not grading her on a curve against other actresses her age. true, there are very few 14 year olds who could have did what she did in true grit (ironically, a 14-year-old portman would be one of them), but there's nothing steinfeld did that couldn't have been done by many actresses in hollywood, if we're taking age out of the equation. portman and williams on the other hand have been killing it for years and those were unique, career defining performances that no one else could have done as well, at any age.

"i smack clowns with nouns, punch herbs with verbs..."

  

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bignick
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Tue Mar-01-11 01:29 PM

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14. "Natalie in The Professional>>>Natalie in Black Swan "
In response to Reply # 11


  

          

>>portman and williams on the other hand have been
>killing it for years and those were unique, career defining
>performances that no one else could have done as well, at any
>age.

  

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theprofessional
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Tue Mar-01-11 09:08 PM

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19. "theprofessional in natalie >>>>>>> natalie in black swan"
In response to Reply # 14


  

          

THE HOOP AND THE HARM!!!

"i smack clowns with nouns, punch herbs with verbs..."

  

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bignick
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Wed Mar-02-11 02:11 PM

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22. "I see what you did there"
In response to Reply # 19


  

          

  

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shockzilla
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Tue Mar-01-11 08:51 AM

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10. "*riotous applause*"
In response to Reply # 0


          

  

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The Analyst
Member since Sep 22nd 2007
4621 posts
Tue Mar-01-11 10:20 AM

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13. "Willy Pfister! The answer is Yes! "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Frank, the writing was great - I enjoyed it immensely.

----

  

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jigga
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Tue Mar-01-11 06:37 PM

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16. "The pfabolus cinematograpfher with the pfunny name"
In response to Reply # 13


  

          

  

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forgivenphoenix
Member since Dec 08th 2007
2514 posts
Tue Mar-01-11 06:26 PM

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15. "* Applauds in seat * "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

* Leaves theatre while checking twitter to see what the public thought of the ceremony *

very funny work.

__________________________________________

http://www.twitter.com/chriscjamison/

People who don't take risks generally make about two big mistakes a year. People who do take risks generally make about two big mistakes a year.

Peter Drucker

  

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ZooTown74
Member since May 29th 2002
43582 posts
Tue Mar-01-11 07:17 PM

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17. "Once again, NICE-ly done."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

_________________________________________________________________________
The New Shit

twitter.com/LetsStay2Gether

also on Facebook

I WILL NOT LET YOU FORGET IT

  

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dgonsh
Member since Aug 14th 2002
10681 posts
Wed Mar-02-11 10:03 AM

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20. "Awesome! Thanks again for all the work you put in!"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

interesting that is the first time ever that i mildly disagree with the major winners.

********************************************************************




"I *always* quote myself. I'm the only reliable source on *most* subjects" - OKP's First Lady of Knowledge, Janey

  

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