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AfricanHerbsman

Tue Aug-01-00 02:18 AM

  
"raising children: love & respect"


          


post about revolution somewhere had me thinking about how the babies are key to any change..being out here in europe I see a lot of fat, apathetic kids with little/no personal direction save to follow the path of least resistance - like electricity. kids still do things & get up to stuff but it seems as though as they're influenced as much by a desire for minimum hassle as the desire to improve themselves.

so of course the discussion turns to parents and this was/is my main point of contention..subject line's misleading in a way but a major imbalance I see out in Western society is that a lot of parents just want their kids to LIKE them.

feed your kids whatever they ask for, drop them off at a fat/diet camp for the summer and stop at mcdonalds on the way home..all the sht I used to find shocking when I first came out here starts to make sense.

I know I'm generalising and that I can't really speak on it until I'm faced with the challenge of parenting..but how do you respect a parents that doesn't respect themselves though? damn near anything goes for kids today because a lot of parents would rather be 'dug' than admired and the cycle continues.

america's particularly interesting because y'all are so inspiringly shameless..I feel like many americans are raised to expect & take what they want NOW on a day to day basis - not even to feel guilty about that but to be assertive & complain when you don't get it when/how you want it.


I guess the question is:

as a parent, how do you balance it so that your kids love you, respect you, dig you and are comfortable enough with you to both listen/learn & speak/teach? does anybody actually have the physical hours in the day for their kids anymore? seems almost like a lost art.
_______________________________________________________

herbsman.

seize your time! - marley

best to take what you need but don't be greedy - 2pac (rip)

  

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
Hmmmmm
Aug 01st 2000
1
respect first!
Aug 01st 2000
2
much needed words.
Aug 01st 2000
3
      sorta off topic
Aug 01st 2000
5
      oh yeah
Aug 01st 2000
7
      RE: sorta off topic
Aug 01st 2000
9
      i will spank!
Aug 01st 2000
6
The mind of a child
Aug 01st 2000
4
RE: raising children: love & respect
Shellypooh
Aug 01st 2000
8
raising children: love & respect
AfricanHerbsman
Aug 07th 2000
10

Shimmy
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45923 posts
Tue Aug-01-00 07:49 AM

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1. "Hmmmmm"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

This is of course an excellent question, but if there is an answer, I haven't found it!
I remember when my daughter was first born, my main objective was to teach her respect.
Respect for others, but more importantly, respect for herself.
But as you struggle with the "day to day", its easy to lose sight of this goal.
For one, you can attempt to instill values into your children, but the minute they walk out the door, or turn on the tv, the are heavily influenced by the community.
As a parent, you are not perfect.There is no instruction manual for kids--on the good days you hope for the best--and on the bads days you just plain eff up!! I know I have looked back on the ways I have handled a certain situations and CRINGED!!
"Bad Mommy"
What makes it especially difficult is attempting to do right in a society that values material goods versus spiritual riches. A society that favours the quick fix when consistency and discipline are the tools you need.Also a society that sees more parents doing it on their own(big respect to single parents--don't know HOW you manage--I'm a half time single parent--and its hard.)It really is MORE than a two person job most of the time.

Darn--I'd like to go on, but I got a client(working mom reality check)

Shimmy





If you're happy with nothin', you'll be so very happy with me -----Ben Harper

“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.” Anthony Bourdain

  

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nebt_het
Charter member
4607 posts
Tue Aug-01-00 08:37 AM

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2. "respect first!"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

respect me as a parent i dont necessarily need the love. Parents are guides!
as kahlil Gibran said "our childern are not are childern for they are lifes yearning for itself"
childern are on borrowed time. there souls are there own.
My son will be 6 on the 10th of this month and he is a pretty cool dude i allow him to be as he wants like what he wants do what he wants but not shit like let him eat dirt. but i rather him play or draw til his heart is content than watch tv.
id rather have him chillin with me and Tank Drew and bfnh than with some wild ass lil kids fondling lil girls.
see teach your child to prostrate and give thanks and let them know simplicity goes a long way!






it's a competetive world for low-budget people, spending a dime while earning a nickel.. - buju banton



"tahitian fresh berry treat...she's a capricorn" -GhostFaceKillah

" E El Isum Shil El Eloh El Rahmun, Alazi Izu El Rahummul!"


  

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el_rey
Charter member
5626 posts
Tue Aug-01-00 08:42 AM

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3. "much needed words."
In response to Reply # 2


  

          


>see teach your child to prostrate
>and give thanks and let
>them know simplicity goes a
>long way!

To me, this says so much. But what about the whole discipline/respect debate. Should one ever get physical with their kids. I personally think that there is always an alternative to violence. I'd rather not be the one to teach my kids about how to manipulate by using violence, seein as though they'll be getting this from the rest of society.


love and respect,
El Rey


http://www.mumia2000.org
http://www.mumia.org
http://www.mumia911.org

EFF A FAKE QUOTE! I DEAL WITH THE REAL (so if its artificail let it be ...) (c) Blac... awww, you know who

;-);-);-);-);-);-);-)
A mob is not autonomous: it executes the real will of the people who rule the state. The slaughter in Birmingham Alabama, for example, was not, merely, the action of a mob. That blood is on the hands of the state of Alabama: which sent those mobs into the streets to execute the will of the State ...

... A mob cannot afford to doubt: that the Jews killed Christ or that n*ggers want to rape their sisters or that anyone who fails to make it in the land of the free and the home of the brave deserves to be wretched. But these ideas don't come from the mob. They come from the state, which creates and manipulates the mob. The idea of a black person as property, for example, does not com from the mob. It is not a spontaneous idea. It does not come from the people, who knew better, who thought nothing of inter-marriage until they were penalized for it: this idea comes from the architects of the American State. These architects decided that the concept of Property was more important -- more real -- than the possibilities of the human being. (c) James Baldwin.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
who are you









really

  

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BooDaah
Charter member
32690 posts
Tue Aug-01-00 08:51 AM

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5. "sorta off topic"
In response to Reply # 3


          


>But what about the whole
>discipline/respect debate. Should one ever
>get physical with their kids.

succinctly, I say depends on the kid. some children are mature enough mentally to talk to, others you gotta show them consequences of negative actions beyond "quiet time" or "grounding" and all that new age mess.

------QUOTE STARTS HERE------
BooDaah-OkayActivist Moderator
** PLEASE READ THE POSTING GUIDELINES:
http://www.okayplayer.com/guidelines.html
-----------------------------
Sister SheRise's Activist Stew Recipe:
step 1. inform yourself step /step 2. inform others/step 3. discuss the problem /step 4. DISCUSS SOLUTIONS/step 5. EXECUTE SOLUTIONS/step 6. evaluate how well the solution worked/step 7. start over at 1 until desired result is accomplished.
-----------------------------
Coolest thing I've read on OKP recently (courtesy of Quinn):
"when eminem gets on the cover of some teen fan zine with nick from n'sync, kevin from bsb and sisqo, it's because america is more comfortable with a white guy rapping about rapeing his mother than method man rapping about anything."
-------------------------------

  

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BooDaah
Charter member
32690 posts
Tue Aug-01-00 09:01 AM

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7. "oh yeah"
In response to Reply # 5


          

...and it also depends on the circumstance. if you're whoopin' (spanking) your kid for every little misdeed, you'll lose the value of a spanking as a parental "h bomb"

------QUOTE STARTS HERE------
BooDaah-OkayActivist Moderator
** PLEASE READ THE POSTING GUIDELINES:
http://www.okayplayer.com/guidelines.html
-----------------------------
Sister SheRise's Activist Stew Recipe:
step 1. inform yourself step /step 2. inform others/step 3. discuss the problem /step 4. DISCUSS SOLUTIONS/step 5. EXECUTE SOLUTIONS/step 6. evaluate how well the solution worked/step 7. start over at 1 until desired result is accomplished.
-----------------------------
Coolest thing I've read on OKP recently (courtesy of Quinn):
"when eminem gets on the cover of some teen fan zine with nick from n'sync, kevin from bsb and sisqo, it's because america is more comfortable with a white guy rapping about rapeing his mother than method man rapping about anything."
-------------------------------

  

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Shimmy
Charter member
45923 posts
Tue Aug-01-00 10:18 AM

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9. "RE: sorta off topic"
In response to Reply # 5


  

          

Heheheeee
My daughter would have these things we would call "melt downs"--cos thats exactly what they were...
She would go for a "quiet time" which would often be her blowing her lid so intensely the walls would shake--fer real!I'd be outside the door--holding it shut(cringe), counting to ten, waiting for the storm to subside....that went on for years until she could manage her emotions.When she was in that state--there certainly was no reasoning etc...

Her cousin, who is one month older, would have a "quiet time" and pretty much DIE of embarrassment!!Go figure?

It depends so much on the kid, and how their little brains are wired.We were two extremely mellow parents--who were blessed/challenged with a child who has a huge spark for life. The coping skills are gonna be different.Now, she is older, and has found her balance(thank god!).But I'm divorced!Ha!

Shimmy


If you're happy with nothin', you'll be so very happy with me -----Ben Harper

“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.” Anthony Bourdain

  

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nebt_het
Charter member
4607 posts
Tue Aug-01-00 08:54 AM

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6. "i will spank!"
In response to Reply # 3


  

          

but i will make my son do push ups or stand with his arms out or confiscate a toy or revock priveleges!




it's a competetive world for low-budget people, spending a dime while earning a nickel.. - buju banton



"tahitian fresh berry treat...she's a capricorn" -GhostFaceKillah

" E El Isum Shil El Eloh El Rahmun, Alazi Izu El Rahummul!"


  

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BooDaah
Charter member
32690 posts
Tue Aug-01-00 08:47 AM

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4. "The mind of a child"
In response to Reply # 0


          

Children's perspectives are limited. The amount that they like you (or anything) depend on how you comply with their desires. Like I said on another post you have to learn to mix the candy with the vitamins. And the truth is that oftentimes your children WON'T like you for it (at least until they mature enough to have a scope grander than the moment -- most children learn to appreciate their parents after they've grown up).

Too many parents are more concerned with being their child's buddy that they are with teaching/nurturing/correcting them.

We in America oftentimes don't STOP being child-like in our adult lives. It continues to be about what we want right now, and that is the #1 reason why we're so jacked up.

------QUOTE STARTS HERE------
BooDaah-OkayActivist Moderator
** PLEASE READ THE POSTING GUIDELINES:
http://www.okayplayer.com/guidelines.html
-----------------------------
Sister SheRise's Activist Stew Recipe:
step 1. inform yourself step /step 2. inform others/step 3. discuss the problem /step 4. DISCUSS SOLUTIONS/step 5. EXECUTE SOLUTIONS/step 6. evaluate how well the solution worked/step 7. start over at 1 until desired result is accomplished.
-----------------------------
Coolest thing I've read on OKP recently (courtesy of Quinn):
"when eminem gets on the cover of some teen fan zine with nick from n'sync, kevin from bsb and sisqo, it's because america is more comfortable with a white guy rapping about rapeing his mother than method man rapping about anything."
-------------------------------

  

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Shellypooh

Tue Aug-01-00 09:08 AM

  
8. "RE: raising children: love & respect"
In response to Reply # 0


          

I get my son up early enough in the morning to spend time with him. We make breakfast together, I'll help him get dressed and he talks to me about everything. ( I really mean everything, he has stories to tell at age five.)He's only 5 now I hope to keep this openness forever. Children know when you are bullshitting them , when I'm half listening he won't speak until he has my full attention.You have to make time for your children.


  

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AfricanHerbsman

Mon Aug-07-00 05:09 AM

  
10. "raising children: love & respect"
In response to Reply # 0


          


alright, I'm hearing the lessons in this..respect first, love must almost be a given if you act right with your kids. but respect means boundaries which means establishing some sort of rules..as el rey said discipline is key, but violence? and as boodah pointed out, each kid is different so the point is to make sure that the lessons learned, without inflicting permanent damage - chances of which reduce with age.

interested in what shimmy was saying the first response, about society..in a way you can't blame parents entirely for raising rotten kids when society itself has changed to everybody's spiritual detriment..like the difference between urban and rural living - back in the day survival was about battling nature and working miracles for everybody each year: you had to give something to get something and that carried over into everyday approaches to things.

whereas what boodah's saying about adults being kids too now, I guess that's the urban environment where pretty much everything is about take-take: a hundred different peanut butters and chocolate spreads at the supermarket, a hundred different channels/programmes on tv, hundred different ways to get dress and get paid - those are the key day-to-day concerns and it's a 24 hour cycle that gets replenished each day, each minute.

this has me thinking about those capitalism posts..
______________________________________

seize your time! - marley/wailers

august - BIG 'bitch' quote (for fire):

cleaning out the block for distances, giving long kisses, bitch..

  

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