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*** OVERTURE *** http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1RuIYMFpgM
(KC, Will, Warren, Shells)
Look down! Look down!
Don't look them in the eye!
Look down! Look down!
Their playoffs were denied!
(Ernie)
Their teams were strong!
They're hard as hell to beat!
(KC, Will, Warren, Shells)
Look down! Look down!
He succumbed to defeat!
(Cere)
My team was good!
Sweet Jesus, hear my prayer!
(KC, Will, Warren, Shells)
Look down! Look down!
Sweet Jesus hates you, Cere!
(Shawn)
Next year, next year!
I'll win it all, it's true!
(KC, Will, Warren, Shells)
Look down! Look down!
We've all forgotten you!
(Smuts)
Breakdown! Breakdown!
To it, I'll be a slave!
(KC, Will, Warren, Shells)
Breakdown! Breakdown!
It put you in your grave!
*** ASS BRACKET ANTHEM *** http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NswrXps_E18
(Matty, Longo, Money)
At the end of the season, our anguish is over!
And that's all you can say for our teams that were poor!
It's a struggle! It's a war!
And there's nothing that's really worth saying!
One more day standing about, what's it for?
One day less to be playing.
At the end of the season, our luck had turned colder!
And the shirt on your back doesn't keep out the chill!
And the top four hurry past!
They don't hear our egos all crying!
(Matty, Money)
And we've turned our back, looked away from the kill!
One day less of replying!
*** ROOKIE ANTHEM *** http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MU9OWdIDGL4 (starts about :50)
(Fantinefessional)
There was a time my luck was kind
Yahoo Leagues were all inviting
There was a time that I was blind
And Blowhard posts seemed so exciting
I dreamed a dream of Blowhard Bowl
My hope was high and life worth living
I dreamed I'd sit atop each poll
I dreamed a playoff bid by Thanksgiving
Then I was younger, way back when
I took the research I had gathered
And when it came time for pick ten
I confidently picked Matt Stafford
But the Blowhards come at night
With their rosters full of talent
As they tear your team apart
As they turn your dream to shame
Then Coolidge soothed me at my side
He offered keepers that seemed gallant
He took my second pick in stride
Before week seven even came
And still I dream I'll win each week
Starting three Lions, but not Johnson
But these dream send tears down my cheek
I have a death wish like Charles Bronson
I had a dream Blowhards would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Blowhards has killed the dream... I dreamed
(dies)
*** FRANK VALJONGO'S ANTHEM *** http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxpnMQcE6hs (starts at 1:20)
Who am I?
Can I end Sarah's dreams of playoff bid?
Knowing that he's been busy with his kid?
We innocently tried to trade
Yet the whole league all felt betrayed!
Who am I?
Can I end Ernie two years in a row?
And cook his team like it was pastry dough?
Was he distracted by his wife?
Or touring with My Secret Life?
Tis my strife
How can I ever face my fellow men?
How can I ever face myself again?
The spoiler is my role, I know
I came to terms so long ago
It gives me hope when hope was gone
It gives me strength to carry on
Who am I?
What am I?
I'm called upon!
So Ernie, Cere, you see it's true
That I take joy in beating you!
Who am I?
2... 4... 6... I... WON!!!
*** WARREN COSETTE'S ANTHEM *** http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ag7j-pCvvfU
I am an asshole on a cloud
And my delusion's running deep
I like to think that I will sweep
Sweep by the asshole on a cloud
There is a roster full of toys
There are two QBs I can start
Sit the first pick and boast real loud
Boasts by the asshole on a cloud
There is success that I have had
Wins over Cere have made me glad
First seed is mine, thanks very much
Mine is a team no one can touch
I'm in place where I can't lose
I'm in denial how good Will is
Will beating me? That's not allowed
Not for the asshole on a cloud
*** MASTER KC-NARDIER'S ANTHEM *** http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sD5hjYXD3E (starts at 1:15)
Master of the house, doling out the charm
Taking care of kids and of my wife, their mom
Work a little here, pick em up from school
Children all appreciate a nice carpool
Glad to play a little Blowhards
Everybody knows I'm nice
But I don't want to leave with nothing
I've got a hefty mortgage price!
Master of the house, keeper of the zoo
On weekends, I like to take a nap or two
Picking up some toys, cleaning up a room
If their carpet's dirty, then I'll go vacuum
Everybody loves a father
Blowhards takes up extra time
But if it really pleases,
Jesus, can you make the title mine?
(ALL THE BLOWHARDS JOIN IN)
MASTER OF THE HOUSE!
(KC-NARDIER)
Washer of a dish!
(BLOWHARDS)
Comforter, philosopher, and dear commish!
Servant to the poor! Always ruling fair!
(VALJONGO)
Even though he vetoed my awesome trade with Cere!
(BLOWHARDS)
Everybody toast the father!
Everybody toast Commish!
(KC)
Everybody raise a shot!
(ERN grumbles)
Raise it to his empty roster spot!
(BLOWHARDS)
Everybody raise a shot to the Master of the House!
*** INSPECTOR SHELLSVERT'S ANTHEM *** http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fB1OgS0MuBs
There, there on my RedZone
Peterson's running
Brady is God
My two-man attack
God be my witness
I never shall yield
Til I win back-to-back
Til I win back-to-back
They know their way in the dark
But mine is the way of the Lord
And those who bet on the returning champion
Shall have their reward
Opponents will fall
As Lucifer fell
Their teams
Outscored
Stars
AP and Brady
Not to be doubted
Filling my roster
With order and light
You are the sentinels
Silent and sure
Giving KC a fight
Giving Warren a fright
You know your duty and role
You hold your course and your aim
And each of your seasons
Your returns, your returns
They are always the same
And if you fall as Lucier fell
I fall the same!
And so it has been and so it is written
On the doorway to paradise
That those who falter and stand in my way
Must pay the price
Lord let me advance
That I may leave Warren
covered in scars!
I will never rest
Til then
This I swear!
This I swear by my stars!
*** WILLJOLRAS' ANTHEM *** http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYizXBQ5EQA
DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING
SINGING A SONG OF ANGRY MEN
IT IS THE MUSIC OF ALL THOSE
WHO DON'T WANT SHELLS TO WIN AGAIN?
WHEN OUR BEATING OF WARREN
MATCHES THE BEATING OF THE DRUMS
THERE IS A NEW BLOWHARD CHAMPION
WHEN NEXT WEEKEND COMES!
Will you join in my crusade?
Will you be strong and stand with me?
We shall see the fate of those
who mocked when I picked Steve Ridley!
Then root for my squad
We'll no more of that clod, Shelly!
DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING
SINGING A SONG OF ANGRY MEN
IT IS THE MUSIC OF ALL THOSE
WHO DON'T WANT SHELLS TO WIN AGAIN?
WHEN OUR BEATING OF WARREN
MATCHES THE BEATING OF THE DRUMS
THERE IS A NEW BLOWHARD CHAMPION
WHEN NEXT WEEKEND COMES!
Will my roster all prevent
Warren Coolidge from his advance?
So that Eli, Vincent, Trent
can all stand up and take their chance?
The Professor will cry
When I kick him right in the pants!
DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING
SINGING A SONG OF ANGRY MEN
IT IS THE MUSIC OF ALL THOSE
WHO DON'T WANT SHELLS TO WIN AGAIN?
WHEN OUR BEATING OF WARREN
MATCHES THE BEATING OF THE DRUMS
THERE IS A NEW BLOWHARD CHAMPION
WHEN NEXT WEEKEND COMES!
***** ACT ONE FINALE ***** http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BpGA_VRc1Ro
(VALJONGO)
One week more
Another week, another destiny
This never-ending road is not for me
And yet since RG3 is mine
I'll wait until another time
One week more
(WARREN COSETTE)
I cannot live without the Bowl
How can I live if we are parted?
(VALJONGO)
One week more
(WARREN COSETTE)
Next week it seems a world away
And yet the playoffs have just started
(ERNPONINE)
One more week all on my own
(WARREN COSETTE)
Will I ever win again?
(ERNPONINE)
One more week in consolation
(WARREN COSETTE)
I was born to win the bowl!
(ERNPONINE)
How I longed to sit the throne
(WARREN COSETTE)
And I swear it will be true!
(ERNPONINE)
But now I cannot sit theeeeeere!
(WILLJOLRAS)
ONE MORE WEEK BEFORE THE STORM
(CEREIUS)
Do I go where Ernie goes?
(WILLJOLRAS)
WHAT A BATTLE FOR THE TITLE
(CEREIUS)
Shall I join the losers there?
(WILLJOLRAS)
WHEN MY BACKS BEGIN TO SWARM
(CEREIUS)
(eyeing a bacon cupcake)
Do I eat this? Do I dare?
(WILLJOLRAS)
WHEN THEY EACH SCORE A TD
(WILL/WARREN)
The time! Is now! The week! Is here!
(VALJONGO)
One week more!
(SHELLSVERT)
One more day to revolution!
I will nip it in the bud!
I will overcome each challenge!
Peterson is such a stud!
(VALJONGO)
One week more!
(KC-NARDIER)
AP runs amok
Brady's gonna ball
But you don't know your luck
When there's a free for all!
With a Brady dip
One less AP touch
The rest of his team sucks
So they will not do much!
(WILLJOLRAS)
ONE DAY TO A NEW BEGINNING
RAISE THE FLAG OF VICT'RY HIGH
NEXT WEEK I WILL BE A KING
(WILLJOLRAS/WARREN COSETTE/KC-NARDIER/SHELLSVERT)
NEXT WEEK I WILL BE A KING!
THERE'S A NEW BOWL FOR THE WINNING
THERE'S A TITLE TO BE WON
DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING?
(CEREIUS)
Hey guys, it's me! Can I play with you?...
*** THE FANCY OVERLAPPING PART!!! ***
(VALJONGO)
One week more
(WARREN COSETTE)
Next week it seems a world away
(ERNPONINE)
One more week all on my own
(WARREN COSETTE)
And yet the playoffs have just started
(SHELLSVERT)
I will kill these little losers
Make their blood into a bisque!
I will show them what they get for
Giving me an asterisk!
(VALJONGO)
One week more!
(WARREN COSETTE)
I cannot live without the Bowl
(ERNPONINE)
One more week in consolation
(WARREN COSETTE)
How can I live if we are parted?
(SHELLSVERT)
One more day to revolution!
I will nip it in the bud!
I will overcome each challenge!
Peterson is such a stud!
(KC-NARDIER)
AP runs amok
Brady's gonna ball
But you don't know your luck
When there's a free for all!
(VALJONGO)
Next week I'll be so far away!
Yet next week is the judgment day!
(ALL BLOWHARDS EXCEPT FANTINEFESSIONAL, WHO IS DEAD)
Next week we'll discover
What our God in Heaven has in store!
One more game!
One more week!
ONE WEEK MORE!!!
*** CURTAIN ***
*** INTERMISSION ***
My movies: http://russellhainline.com
My movie reviews: https://letterboxd.com/RussellHFilm/
My beer TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thebeertravelguide
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