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*** OVERTURE *** http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1RuIYMFpgM
(KC, Will, Warren, Shells) Look down! Look down! Don't look them in the eye! Look down! Look down! Their playoffs were denied!
(Ernie) Their teams were strong! They're hard as hell to beat!
(KC, Will, Warren, Shells) Look down! Look down! He succumbed to defeat!
(Cere) My team was good! Sweet Jesus, hear my prayer!
(KC, Will, Warren, Shells) Look down! Look down! Sweet Jesus hates you, Cere!
(Shawn) Next year, next year! I'll win it all, it's true!
(KC, Will, Warren, Shells) Look down! Look down! We've all forgotten you!
(Smuts) Breakdown! Breakdown! To it, I'll be a slave!
(KC, Will, Warren, Shells) Breakdown! Breakdown! It put you in your grave!
*** ASS BRACKET ANTHEM *** http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NswrXps_E18
(Matty, Longo, Money)
At the end of the season, our anguish is over! And that's all you can say for our teams that were poor! It's a struggle! It's a war! And there's nothing that's really worth saying! One more day standing about, what's it for? One day less to be playing.
At the end of the season, our luck had turned colder! And the shirt on your back doesn't keep out the chill! And the top four hurry past! They don't hear our egos all crying!
(Matty, Money) And we've turned our back, looked away from the kill! One day less of replying!
*** ROOKIE ANTHEM *** http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MU9OWdIDGL4 (starts about :50)
(Fantinefessional)
There was a time my luck was kind Yahoo Leagues were all inviting There was a time that I was blind And Blowhard posts seemed so exciting
I dreamed a dream of Blowhard Bowl My hope was high and life worth living I dreamed I'd sit atop each poll I dreamed a playoff bid by Thanksgiving Then I was younger, way back when I took the research I had gathered And when it came time for pick ten I confidently picked Matt Stafford
But the Blowhards come at night With their rosters full of talent As they tear your team apart As they turn your dream to shame
Then Coolidge soothed me at my side He offered keepers that seemed gallant He took my second pick in stride Before week seven even came
And still I dream I'll win each week Starting three Lions, but not Johnson But these dream send tears down my cheek I have a death wish like Charles Bronson
I had a dream Blowhards would be So different from this hell I'm living So different now from what it seemed Blowhards has killed the dream... I dreamed
(dies)
*** FRANK VALJONGO'S ANTHEM *** http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxpnMQcE6hs (starts at 1:20)
Who am I? Can I end Sarah's dreams of playoff bid? Knowing that he's been busy with his kid? We innocently tried to trade Yet the whole league all felt betrayed! Who am I? Can I end Ernie two years in a row? And cook his team like it was pastry dough? Was he distracted by his wife? Or touring with My Secret Life? Tis my strife How can I ever face my fellow men? How can I ever face myself again? The spoiler is my role, I know I came to terms so long ago It gives me hope when hope was gone It gives me strength to carry on
Who am I? What am I? I'm called upon!
So Ernie, Cere, you see it's true That I take joy in beating you!
Who am I? 2... 4... 6... I... WON!!!
*** WARREN COSETTE'S ANTHEM *** http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ag7j-pCvvfU
I am an asshole on a cloud And my delusion's running deep I like to think that I will sweep Sweep by the asshole on a cloud
There is a roster full of toys There are two QBs I can start Sit the first pick and boast real loud Boasts by the asshole on a cloud
There is success that I have had Wins over Cere have made me glad First seed is mine, thanks very much Mine is a team no one can touch
I'm in place where I can't lose I'm in denial how good Will is Will beating me? That's not allowed Not for the asshole on a cloud
*** MASTER KC-NARDIER'S ANTHEM *** http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sD5hjYXD3E (starts at 1:15)
Master of the house, doling out the charm Taking care of kids and of my wife, their mom Work a little here, pick em up from school Children all appreciate a nice carpool Glad to play a little Blowhards Everybody knows I'm nice But I don't want to leave with nothing I've got a hefty mortgage price!
Master of the house, keeper of the zoo On weekends, I like to take a nap or two Picking up some toys, cleaning up a room If their carpet's dirty, then I'll go vacuum Everybody loves a father Blowhards takes up extra time But if it really pleases, Jesus, can you make the title mine?
(ALL THE BLOWHARDS JOIN IN) MASTER OF THE HOUSE!
(KC-NARDIER) Washer of a dish!
(BLOWHARDS) Comforter, philosopher, and dear commish! Servant to the poor! Always ruling fair!
(VALJONGO) Even though he vetoed my awesome trade with Cere!
(BLOWHARDS) Everybody toast the father! Everybody toast Commish!
(KC) Everybody raise a shot!
(ERN grumbles) Raise it to his empty roster spot!
(BLOWHARDS) Everybody raise a shot to the Master of the House!
*** INSPECTOR SHELLSVERT'S ANTHEM *** http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fB1OgS0MuBs
There, there on my RedZone Peterson's running Brady is God My two-man attack God be my witness I never shall yield Til I win back-to-back Til I win back-to-back
They know their way in the dark But mine is the way of the Lord And those who bet on the returning champion Shall have their reward Opponents will fall As Lucifer fell Their teams Outscored
Stars AP and Brady Not to be doubted Filling my roster With order and light You are the sentinels Silent and sure Giving KC a fight Giving Warren a fright
You know your duty and role You hold your course and your aim And each of your seasons Your returns, your returns They are always the same And if you fall as Lucier fell I fall the same!
And so it has been and so it is written On the doorway to paradise That those who falter and stand in my way Must pay the price
Lord let me advance That I may leave Warren covered in scars! I will never rest Til then This I swear! This I swear by my stars!
*** WILLJOLRAS' ANTHEM *** http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYizXBQ5EQA
DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING SINGING A SONG OF ANGRY MEN IT IS THE MUSIC OF ALL THOSE WHO DON'T WANT SHELLS TO WIN AGAIN? WHEN OUR BEATING OF WARREN MATCHES THE BEATING OF THE DRUMS THERE IS A NEW BLOWHARD CHAMPION WHEN NEXT WEEKEND COMES!
Will you join in my crusade? Will you be strong and stand with me? We shall see the fate of those who mocked when I picked Steve Ridley! Then root for my squad We'll no more of that clod, Shelly!
DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING SINGING A SONG OF ANGRY MEN IT IS THE MUSIC OF ALL THOSE WHO DON'T WANT SHELLS TO WIN AGAIN? WHEN OUR BEATING OF WARREN MATCHES THE BEATING OF THE DRUMS THERE IS A NEW BLOWHARD CHAMPION WHEN NEXT WEEKEND COMES!
Will my roster all prevent Warren Coolidge from his advance? So that Eli, Vincent, Trent can all stand up and take their chance? The Professor will cry When I kick him right in the pants!
DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING SINGING A SONG OF ANGRY MEN IT IS THE MUSIC OF ALL THOSE WHO DON'T WANT SHELLS TO WIN AGAIN? WHEN OUR BEATING OF WARREN MATCHES THE BEATING OF THE DRUMS THERE IS A NEW BLOWHARD CHAMPION WHEN NEXT WEEKEND COMES!
***** ACT ONE FINALE ***** http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BpGA_VRc1Ro
(VALJONGO) One week more Another week, another destiny This never-ending road is not for me And yet since RG3 is mine I'll wait until another time One week more
(WARREN COSETTE) I cannot live without the Bowl How can I live if we are parted?
(VALJONGO) One week more
(WARREN COSETTE) Next week it seems a world away And yet the playoffs have just started
(ERNPONINE) One more week all on my own
(WARREN COSETTE) Will I ever win again?
(ERNPONINE) One more week in consolation
(WARREN COSETTE) I was born to win the bowl!
(ERNPONINE) How I longed to sit the throne
(WARREN COSETTE) And I swear it will be true!
(ERNPONINE) But now I cannot sit theeeeeere!
(WILLJOLRAS) ONE MORE WEEK BEFORE THE STORM
(CEREIUS) Do I go where Ernie goes?
(WILLJOLRAS) WHAT A BATTLE FOR THE TITLE
(CEREIUS) Shall I join the losers there?
(WILLJOLRAS) WHEN MY BACKS BEGIN TO SWARM
(CEREIUS) (eyeing a bacon cupcake) Do I eat this? Do I dare?
(WILLJOLRAS) WHEN THEY EACH SCORE A TD
(WILL/WARREN) The time! Is now! The week! Is here!
(VALJONGO) One week more!
(SHELLSVERT) One more day to revolution! I will nip it in the bud! I will overcome each challenge! Peterson is such a stud!
(VALJONGO) One week more!
(KC-NARDIER) AP runs amok Brady's gonna ball But you don't know your luck When there's a free for all! With a Brady dip One less AP touch The rest of his team sucks So they will not do much!
(WILLJOLRAS) ONE DAY TO A NEW BEGINNING RAISE THE FLAG OF VICT'RY HIGH NEXT WEEK I WILL BE A KING
(WILLJOLRAS/WARREN COSETTE/KC-NARDIER/SHELLSVERT) NEXT WEEK I WILL BE A KING! THERE'S A NEW BOWL FOR THE WINNING THERE'S A TITLE TO BE WON DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING?
(CEREIUS) Hey guys, it's me! Can I play with you?...
*** THE FANCY OVERLAPPING PART!!! ***
(VALJONGO) One week more
(WARREN COSETTE) Next week it seems a world away
(ERNPONINE) One more week all on my own
(WARREN COSETTE) And yet the playoffs have just started
(SHELLSVERT) I will kill these little losers Make their blood into a bisque! I will show them what they get for Giving me an asterisk!
(VALJONGO) One week more!
(WARREN COSETTE) I cannot live without the Bowl
(ERNPONINE) One more week in consolation
(WARREN COSETTE) How can I live if we are parted?
(SHELLSVERT) One more day to revolution! I will nip it in the bud! I will overcome each challenge! Peterson is such a stud!
(KC-NARDIER) AP runs amok Brady's gonna ball But you don't know your luck When there's a free for all!
(VALJONGO) Next week I'll be so far away! Yet next week is the judgment day!
(ALL BLOWHARDS EXCEPT FANTINEFESSIONAL, WHO IS DEAD) Next week we'll discover What our God in Heaven has in store! One more game! One more week! ONE WEEK MORE!!!
*** CURTAIN ***
*** INTERMISSION ***
My movies: http://russellhainline.com My movie reviews: https://letterboxd.com/RussellHFilm/ My beer TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thebeertravelguide
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