give me some feed back and let me know what you think.
Declarations & decisions
I am attracted to you. Or is it some morbid fascination I have with rejection? Self torture?
I watch your lips, charred brown from talks with Thai, when you speak. And just as I lock the image of my bottom lip caught between your two I see them part as your words place me in the role I am to play.
Cursing me for you love when peace is all that you asked. I conjure a vision, a violent halt to a love that does not yet exist.
Me, simply playing sadist & masochist simultaneously. Cheerily inflicting pain upon my soul & relishing in it. I mean, I must like it because I keep sending myself back to that place in my mind’s eye.
Especially when I’m lost in yours. those bits of well aged mahogany swimming in ivory carefully carved and placed on either side of that bridge of chocolate that if I followed would lead me back to those charred lips. A testimony to your burnt offerings of electric relaxation.
This cycle I’ve willingly submitted myself to. Like that of a person who carves epitaphs of pain using their own flesh instead of stone.
I expertly chisel these tales of "makes up to break up" upon my brain. Wedging them in nooks of my gray matter.
Torture & rejection. All created in my twisted mind.
I am attracted to you and must decide if this declaration is to be shared when next we meet or should I keep this all in my mind.
QuOTeS 4 tOoDay...WEEK/DAY... whatever my mood
roads are for journey's, not destinations - chow yun fat (anna & the king)
Am I anti-american? no- the american government is. *KoalaLove*
"no one tells you about being no artist man, on career day" - jane
...you are the syfl to my ollie me to don
...she had a body like a cello with legs i mean the ass was absurd long neck smooth skin pretty face cookie nipples eyes wide as her hips full lips between dimples
I watch your lips, charred brown from talks with Thai, when you speak. And just as I lock the image of my bottom lip caught between your two I see them part as your words place me in the role I am to play. -------------------------------------- Hottt as Heeeeeilll! I wish I was that cat (ha-ha). I felt it alot. Especially its vibe. Keep doin'it! Lexx
"Crack ain't from the EARTH!" So stop smoking that shit. -evolution 23 to jonm
QuOTeS 4 tOoDay...WEEK/DAY... whatever my mood
roads are for journey's, not destinations - chow yun fat (anna & the king)
Am I anti-american? no- the american government is. *KoalaLove*
"no one tells you about being no artist man, on career day" - jane
...you are the syfl to my ollie me to don
...she had a body like a cello with legs i mean the ass was absurd long neck smooth skin pretty face cookie nipples eyes wide as her hips full lips between dimples
it's official. i'm feeling it. on different levels even.
first, the word play is on point. the "charred brown from talks with Thai," and "Me, simply playing sadist & masochist simultaneously." word.
the internal conflicts of liking this cat but knowing that it's gonna drive you crazy, i can feel that too. you never know where you fit in, what anything means, if that deep conversation was real, did it mean for him anywhere near what it meant for you?
and i liked the flow from beginning to end. you start with:
I am attracted to you. Or is it some morbid fascination I have with rejection? Self torture?
and end with:
I am attracted to you and must decide if this declaration is to be shared when next we meet or should I keep this all in my mind.
the spacing on the last stanza drives home the declaration. yes, it is true. i - like - you. and now the decision...
very nice piece.
B
Move Over, Girl: A Novel - in stores NOW (yeah, i wrote it. no, i'm not the guy on the cover.) Random House www.chance22.com
-- now playing: The African American Student's Guide to Excellence in College on deck: another installment of Okaybooks archives: Spoken Words | Move Over Girl
I am attracted to you. Or is it some morbid fascination I have with rejection? Self torture?
u dun out did ureself~
Poems are bullshit unless they are teeth or trees or lemons piled on a step. Or black ladies dying of men leaving nickel hearts beating them down. Fuck poems and they are useful, wd they shoot come at you, love what you are, breathe like wrestlers, or shudder strangely after pissing. We want live words of the hip world live flesh & coursing blood. Hearts Brains Souls splintering fire. We want poems like fists beating niggers out of Jocks or dagger poems in the slimy bellies of the owner-jews. Black poems to smear on girdlemamma mulatto bitches whose brains are red jelly stuck between 'lizabeth taylor's toes. Stinking Whores! We want "poems that kill." Assassin poems, Poems that shoot guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys and take their weapons leaving them dead with tongues pulled out and sent to Ireland.
I watch your lips, charred brown from talks with Thai, when you speak. And just as I lock the image of my bottom lip caught between your two I see them part as your words place me in the role I am to play.
8. "all comments are greatly appreciated" In response to Reply # 0
thanks for taking time. let me know if there are somethings you'd change. just want dif. opinions.
the gut cramper of the day.
"Crack ain't from the EARTH!" So stop smoking that shit. -evolution 23 to jonm
QuOTeS 4 tOoDay...WEEK/DAY... whatever my mood
roads are for journey's, not destinations - chow yun fat (anna & the king)
Am I anti-american? no- the american government is. *KoalaLove*
"no one tells you about being no artist man, on career day" - jane
...you are the syfl to my ollie me to don
...she had a body like a cello with legs i mean the ass was absurd long neck smooth skin pretty face cookie nipples eyes wide as her hips full lips between dimples
10. "RE: declarations and decisions" In response to Reply # 0
you've chiseled these words out and shaped them expertly... literally, you're bringin the pain in this to life... me as my own tormentor... very strong, very true idea... poetically, it holds together perfectly... making the transition from one line to the next, from one stanza to the next, very smoothly. excellent work, really.
12. "THIS IS ABOUT WEED!" In response to Reply # 0
I'm sorry, I see the relationship side and all, but this just so obviously seems to be about weed to me. SO MANY CLUES! I used to give myself guilt trip cuz I thought I smoked too much, but I don't torcher myself no more. Very well written, I missed your words, f'real!
no it is not about weed it's about crack! seriously, it's not about weed. he smokes it but it's not about it. dig?
the gut cramper of the day.
"Crack ain't from the EARTH!" So stop smoking that shit. -evolution 23 to jonm
QuOTeS 4 tOoDay...WEEK/DAY... whatever my mood
roads are for journey's, not destinations - chow yun fat (anna & the king)
Am I anti-american? no- the american government is. *KoalaLove*
"no one tells you about being no artist man, on career day" - jane
...you are the syfl to my ollie me to don
...she had a body like a cello with legs i mean the ass was absurd long neck smooth skin pretty face cookie nipples eyes wide as her hips full lips between dimples
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