Hey ya'll... Can I tlk to you for a second...

Since I've been a member of this wild, weird and wonderful world called Okayplayer (especially Freestyle) it's been a great experience. I came to this place in 2001 and was embraced slowly but surely. I was fortunate enough to have befriended a lot of the vets here lol. Freestyle, we've chilled, chatted, wrote, co-wrote, collaborated, battled, cried, shared pain and love (which sometimes is packaged as both...)

So anyway, I've lost (we've lost) some cherished members to our family and almost lost another recently. This has caused some thought. And so, this thread will be for the fallen, fallen of spirit, hurt and/or hurting to share venting, venting pieces, painful work, aka the truth. We tend to bottle up our emotions so much that they seem overwhelming. Life is a bitch, but it's a beautiful bitch. Sometimes people need to talk. They need to get the bad shit out, without callousness, preconceived notions, snobbery etc...

So please, any one, everyone, add a piece to this thread. Expel the demons, share your pain. We will not judge you, but we'll listen.


**Convos, anecdotes and/or sharing stories is cool in this. Dialogue is what's up!

www.anthologyfmn.com

Enter the Written World of Fahim Malik Nassar

The House of Caine (available)

Melancholoy Funk (available)

Tha Anthology (Words 2001-2003) Poetry inspired by OKP and Wash, DC
(available)

The Spook who sat by the Radio Poetry (av

was real close. she used to call me pizza man cuz i was a delivery driver for pizza hut. we would talk late at night all tha time. i first saw a problem when she was supposingly gettin married to this african guy. i wasnt sure if she was lyin or not becuz we always discussed about tha assholes in GA that she would hook up wit, but i was happy for her nonetheless. we kinda lost touch when my roommate and I got into fights and i was unable to stay in contact with her. but i knew if i had tha chance, we would click like we used to. i miss her alot becuz she was such a pure and essential writer. it wasnt like she did it like school work, but she did if from tha heart. and that's what counts when being a writer. i wouldnt say i was her best friend, but me and her had a connection.



has anybody else "left" since i've been gone?????

"There is nothing more poetic, but depressing than a male writer" -yours truly

i think we were suppose to post something poetic, i guess. man, this tha best i could do for 3rd......


it's cruel that you took my heart
and left without returning it,
brutal thing is that i miss you more than it

"There is nothing more poetic, but depressing than a male writer" -yours truly

The cost of loss is as great as the life effected/
Sad end to what was, yet finality is perfected/
Art passes from vogue like fecal fashion in clothes/
The absence is lack in the know yet the inventors known to let go/
All seems new yet cyclical, the starving drip from the icicle/
Simple pleasure whatever never's never seen as so simple/
An yet it is as such, been cynical a bit much to failure/
But when too tough, there’s no touch too rough to even derail ya/
Mourn on the scorned that you held an informed in warm embraces/
Without the pictures could the memories hit you without the faces?/
We say it never fades, enjoy remembering the fave’s/
An obsessed with amazing phrases that discuss the dead as “saved”/
Sent to better places means to admit the physical flawed/
Yet the pitiful live on an all the prominent suffer falls/
Seems to be true and indeed it is but we feel this need to live/
Take care of what we create to make the creator the adjective/
An with the first commandment broken the coffins left wide open/
As if seeing him is seeing HIM an we begin again hoping/
“human” what an invention, the ascensions needless to mention/
An death remains inevitable, preoccupied with death prevention/
Be it mind body or spirit, we remind bodies to fear it/
An preach death and not life until nobody can hear it/
Envision a beast for some deceased, opinions on them decreased/
So when someone is “lost” it’s not a “loss”, ……..at least you found a peace

MP

Malicious
Poet
Intentions
Set
To
Overthrow
Life

http://www.myspace.com/mpistolmusic
http://www.myspace.com/elgmusic
http://www.myspace.com/thegobrothers

i think everybody pretty much knows that i lost my son this past October in a violent crime. since then my poetry hasnt really been the same. its part of the reason why i dont post more often cause i dont want to always post something dark and twisted.

but...recently i have started another writing project that is allowing me the writing outlet that i need.

hopefully sometime soon i will get back to writing poetry like i did before. that is my first love and passion. but until then....

im getting inspiration from some of the writers here and am always checking out the boards even when i dont post.

everybody, b e z.

peace,
asia

but my prayers positivity and blessings go out to you and your family.

We are family indeed and im so sorry


we miss your voice around here.

_____________________________________
WITH CUZ (STACEY) GONE, I'LL NEVER REALLY BE HERE AGAIN

I swear I'm a marry an OKP


Nakia Genevieve are my middle names... Not my attempt to morph Phenom with Novembersgift... But...

thank you

you & yours are in my prayers Sis'.

*hugz*

_________________________________________
"Too weird to live.... too rare to die..."

IG: KnowOne215 | PS+ ID: KnowOne215

i didn't know about'cha son asia (best part) prayers go out to you!!!

brother by another, married to the mob
cost him his job, yeah nigga it's hard
livin' in a beautiful world of freestyle
do you really like my global style?
criminals like mars & uranus
son this shit is heinous
cuz ya rhyme flow is up for sale
sold to an ill bro wit' a chilled flow
yeah, i'm in here . .


I am an oxymoron
-xxx

they showed us phYsically, we could reach infinitY, but mentally, through the century, we lost our identitY
-Rakim

its weird. Ever since Nikki left us, I have not been able to write. ANYTHING. 2 years yo.... this is the longest Ive ever had writers block. Its like my inspiration died with her. But even though ya'll dont see me much, trust Im still in here all the time. Readin and feelin' yall work. I just dont post much any more.

On a side note, I have a ton of writing from Nikki that she entrusted to me before she left us. Most of it never posted nor shared. In fact she instructed me never to show it to anyone. Just to hold on to it. I dont know what to do with it. Not sure what she intended for me to do with it. Someone suggested making a book, but a lot of it is so personal I wouldnt feel right doing it with out her approval. Another suggested sending it to her fam, but a lot of what I read would cause them more pain than anything else. Besides last time I hit them up they were none to happy to talk to me. I dunno....just confused I guess.

Sorry Im rambling I know.

_________________________________________
"Too weird to live.... too rare to die..."

IG: KnowOne215 | PS+ ID: KnowOne215

i can definitely relate to this. my children inspired me. all of those revolution type, politically charged, stand up, be proud, fight for freedom, pro black man, etc, poems, inspired by them. i have so many poems that are basically taken from conversations i'd had with them. even the poems not directly related to them...just knowing that i had two beautiful sons, healthy and of sound mind and body, put me at ease and relaxed me enough to be able to open up and just share what was in my heart and mind.

when sunny was killed a part of me just closed off, shut down, died with him. i have alot to be thankful for tho. the child he left behind, my other son, the fact that i havent gone completely insane. my people dont understand. they think if anything, i should have a plethora of stuff to write about now. i do, really, but i just cant get it out. and when i do write, most of the time i just dont want to share it. that part of me that usta be open wide is now just a tiny pin hole of light. i think eventually, it'll come. but im not rushing it or pressing the issue.

after he died, going thru his belongins a few months later. i found a few notebooks where he had written his rhymes in, some essay type auto bio stuff, some short stories. some of the pages were just doodles of my name, his name, his brother and his girl's name. he was really into graf-art. finding those notebooks, reading that material, it wasnt a bad thing. they didnt reveal anything i didnt know about him and his feelings already. we were very close, talked about everything. if anything it was comforting to have his words, his writing, his penstrokes to hold on to. so maybe, depending on the material you have of nikki's. maybe it wont be a bad idea to send to her family. maybe it will help them, yanno. def make a copy for yourself since it was meant for you to have it as well. and do you really think that she still wouldnt want others to see what she left behind?

peace,
asia

I cant imagine how painful that must have been. Maybe it wouldnt be a terrible idea to send it to her fam. I mean though a lot of the stuff is painful, maybe atleast it'll give them a few more answers & insight as to what she was going through. But Im also worried about re-opening a still healing wound.

>that
>part of me that usta be open wide is now just a tiny pin hole
>of light. i think eventually, it'll come. but im not rushing
>it or pressing the issue.

Thats how I feel! Like writing was as natural as breathing at one time. And now it feels difficult & nearly impossible. But I need to follow your example and not press it. I keep trying to force it & that only frustrates me more. Thanks for your advice & kind words.

May the happy memories of your lost son sustain you & your's.

*hugz*

_________________________________________
"Too weird to live.... too rare to die..."

IG: KnowOne215 | PS+ ID: KnowOne215

i don't know if that would be a bad thing or a good thing ... i just hold what i have and cherish the times we had together .... wow

as far as you (ooooh!) i'm still trying to conjure the words ... but i will make it happen.

sig.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Guess who's Back

>
>i just hold what i have and cherish the times we had together
>.... wow
>

_________________________________________
"Too weird to live.... too rare to die..."

IG: KnowOne215 | PS+ ID: KnowOne215

you reached out during that time. that meant a lot. you are appreciated. thank you.

also, thanks to anybody on here who said a prayer, a kind word and had me and my fam in their thoughts.

peace,
asia

thanks

through this post, again it is shown we are a family. We share our joy and pain here... and we respect each other. I appreciate that.

Thanks guys...

I love ya'll, man!

Fah.

www.anthologyfmn.com

Enter the Written World of Fahim Malik Nassar

The House of Caine (available)

Melancholoy Funk (available)

Tha Anthology (Words 2001-2003) Poetry inspired by OKP and Wash, DC
(available)

The Spook who sat by the Radio Poetry (av

we are a family. We
>share our joy and pain here... and we respect each other.

_________________________________________
"Too weird to live.... too rare to die..."

IG: KnowOne215 | PS+ ID: KnowOne215

in the struggle.

....................................


Searching.

we are taken for granted. our words are therapy; those of us who use them for healing, for safety-nets, for help to move on into the future, we need them. it was never in my mind that i'd live to see several folks that i have|had become close to-with take or lose their lives. never in a million years would i have ever dreamed that up.

each of us brings something to this board no matter how often or seldom we appear... there is something to be taken with us once we log off. nik... was a fellow ga native; we'd chit chat about savannah or brunswick or tease each other about whom was going to make the first move to travel and meet up with the other. her pain, her suffering was something we all witnessed. i feel like i can't be here right now. like this post is needed, but... i don't think the tears will allow me to say anymore. to those of you who have lost loved ones, i wish you peace and wellness to come. to each of you on this board, continue to do what you do as an artist, a person, as a lover of word... especially if it brings you peace of mind and belief in self.

peace~

----------------------------------
http://www.clutchmagazine.com

One day your life will flash
before your eyes. Make sure
its worth watching. ©Unknown

GOVERNMENT CHEE$E Video
Greed Sucks!
---> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EQslcF7DIM

Should you die, you won't notice
you will only understand
how free you were all along

The big heart you really are
is always there to come back to,
and there is no end...



"My turn to speak in tongues"

--Photosynthesis

nm

_________________________________________
"Too weird to live.... too rare to die..."

IG: KnowOne215 | PS+ ID: KnowOne215

This is pure out of my element.. but in yet entertaining .. you feel me... I'am no gangsta or anything... So perceive me as one.. I'm just me and taking all parts of the craft iight.. God Bless.

Listen,

I proceed with the 'movement' of a church man - Every
now and then along that road - I had to 'prove-bent'
men that I mean 'bizness' -
I still demolish illest rappers -
But devour low class 'first-man' -
My cards were dealt & the pain - along with the odds
were felt -
You don't have a full deck - Because the last nicka I
had to 'disrepect' -
I tossed his brains in the air - Like 52 card pick-up
-
I don't care where you 'image-at' - But if you want to
'sentence-that' -
I'll murder that will needles in a 'instant jack' -
Need-less to say -
this 'day in age' If you have a catchy 'phrase' - and
your bandwagon'll 'gain weigh't -
Something like I'm fresh - Like 'Gain' is covered over
me from head to 'waist' -
Fuck that I'mma speak - what you don't wanna 'hear' -
Preach what you 'normally fear' -
That shit that makes you - Not 'wanna be here' -
Let's 'be clear' my rank has nothing - To do with be
less skillful - But over 'ghosts' that tare 'through'
'votes'
- Its 'rare' on this site - you'll find a nicka - That
actually wins from lyrics - That make 'sense' -
Nowadays if you don't make 'cents' - then you don't
make 'dollars' -
So I'm not going to fuck witcha 'Holla' - But if you
'bother' -
I beat your ass like a 'father' - And lay your career -
To a permanent bed -
Snap that 'E-Thread' - With' free lead' from my
'mechanical pencil' -
You don't know what I 'been through' - Basically I'mma
Do Me & make a anthem -

this holiday season has been pretty tuff. i really miss that boy and my other son has been acting a straight fool lately. concerned about fam and friends. seems we are all going thru a tuff time. the economy, the war, the people, the children...my thoughts get too big sometimes and i gotta pull them in, place them neatly in a row just to keep from goin crazy.

more than once i have found myself driving home from work with tears in my eyes lately. ignoring my usual exit and automatic piloting to the cemetary. but just as i turn the corner where the head stones are visible, i kinda mentally pinch myself back into a more rational frame of mind. he's not gonna be there waiting for me. that smile and that hug and that manchild voice saying 'mamma' wont greet me there. and i just keep driving by, and head back towards home.

i have always had a twist. a little something extra and unexpected dangling on the tail end of my personality. something up high, like a balloon that refuses to be anchored down. like seeing a woman with grief in her eyes and tears staining her cheeks with the faint hint of a smile behind tensed and troubled lips. i write poems about lost love, pain, injustice and tragedy that somehow twists its way into hope at the end. that's my twist spiraling up and up and trying to get a lil closer to heaven(peace) because something inside(or outside) of me just wont let me be still and die just yet.

love is infinite and it seeps thru my pours and infiltrates every cell spinning inside of me. it comes out thru my eyes, my lips, my hair, my hands, my feet. i will never ever ever stop. that's the message i want my voice to grow big enough to get out. never stop. never give up. never ever ever feel like its not worth the fight. it sounds corny and cliche but i can testify. ive been thru it, still going thru it, and may go thru some more. somehow im still here, still have my right mind. sometimes i feel so lifted im flying. i cant be...you cant be...we cant be broken. not if we keep the twist at the end of it all.

peace

I was once a regular here at this board but I switched network providers and internet servers and lost my password in the process. That password came back to me in a dream and today is my first day back. The Best Part (Asia) I am deeply sorry to hear of the passing of your son. You and your family will be in my prayers. And you're right...love has no end. 3rd I, I'm completely shocked. I had no idea and I remember her poetry. The vibe and voice of it was totally her own. And through her writing she is not gone and will never be forgotten when you become one amongst the stars as she and Asia's son has. May God comfort and keep.
~~~~~~~~
When One learns
to live without fear,
then One cannot be broken.

*hugz*

as always I'll keep you & your's in my prayers.

_________________________________________
"Too weird to live.... too rare to die..."

IG: KnowOne215 | PS+ ID: KnowOne215