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Subject: "WNF's W/ ZUGGA ZIN SHAKEET VS. AURIZ" Previous topic | Next topic
Zin
Member since Jan 21st 2004
2972 posts
Wed Oct-12-05 02:30 PM

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"WNF's W/ ZUGGA ZIN SHAKEET VS. AURIZ"


  

          

This is how it goes down here in Freestyle ….
WNF’s…. you know how we do ….we pick two competitors poets or mcees and do our thing …but this week we got something a lil different Shakeet who comes in as a mc has been put to the ultimate challenge …writing a poem againt a poet Auriz Deep ….who it’s a slouch …nuff said let’s get it on …our topic this week was education ….



Poet 1

Travelling through cephalic highways,
Turnpikes of ears and eyes, mouths and minds
Concrete chalkboards, traversed by many.
Each brain is a semi, storing wisdom later transported to every vehicle travelling the roads of life, beaten by many but still rugged.

Every man is built on the same mental chassis, the same mindframe.
Engines shipped from verbal ports, through a sea of nerves.
And wheels set onto the body by veteran engineers.

After what seems infinite miles, an engine's energy will be used to jump-start a younger car.
Stalled...
On the side of the road.

This vehicle will, too, teach many, by the steerings of his mentor.
He is driven by the pursuit of wisdom.
Forever racing time...
For minutes tick at his transmission.

Poet 2


Rickety chairs and desks are the first things I recall
With a classroom full of dangerous minds
Or at least that’s what the state called us
Black kids with a fire and thirst for knowledge
Whether by blackboards or crack whores
We was fitttin to learn sum’n

And we did…we learned a lot about our country
No, no, not through social studies or American history classes
But by seein teachers not teaching
While children are there reaching
For someone to grab them and say they care

We excelled in English classes
In fact we mastered interrogative words
WHY don’t we have new books?
WHERE is the money for our schools?
WHEN did segregation become legal again?
HOW do metal detectors make me feel safe?
WHO…cares?

The disparity between urban and suburban education
Is as clear as a conflict diamond around the neck of our black celebrities
Who we so want to be like
To escape our reality of government negligence
See, they count on our dependency on their welfare
And lunch and bus tickets, to lull us into complacency
Having curriculums of European culture that have no modern benefit
And now at 18 you realize all of your schooling was a big history lesson
On how they will always be better than us

But you know what they say about your mind
Waste not, want not
Tryin to use our minds to the fullest
Hoping tomorrow will for once, be better than yesterday
But I am reminded constantly of the struggle
So when my sister calls me scared, wanting someone to pick her up
Telling me about how some kid got shot in the head at school
School, being a place to learn and grow, I can’t be surprised
And I realize in my heart that Brown v. Board of Edukkkation
Is just a microcosm of Black v. America

sig.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Guess who's Back

  

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
RE: WNF's W/ ZUGGA ZIN SHAKEET VS. AURIZ
Oct 12th 2005
1
Good job to both.
Oct 12th 2005
2
enjoyed the reads...
Oct 12th 2005
3
co-sign
Oct 12th 2005
4
Poet 2 -- My Vote ...
Oct 12th 2005
5
PLEASE READ: a message from the sponsors
Oct 12th 2005
6
my vote=poet 2
Oct 12th 2005
7
this is far too close yo
Oct 12th 2005
8
poet 2
Oct 12th 2005
9
who does #2 work for? (c) Austin Powers
Oct 12th 2005
10
RE: WNF's W/ ZUGGA ZIN SHAKEET VS. AURIZ
Oct 13th 2005
11
WNF's week winner SHAKEET
Oct 16th 2005
12
Thanx to everyone who voted
Oct 17th 2005
13
RE: Thanx to everyone who voted
Oct 17th 2005
14
RE: Thanx to everyone who voted
Oct 17th 2005
15
      don't think i didn't want to vote on this ...
Oct 17th 2005
16
*ran in a late w/a flyer* sigh...sigh...sigh
Oct 18th 2005
17

Prolif
Member since Nov 15th 2004
1507 posts
Wed Oct-12-05 02:51 PM

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1. "RE: WNF's W/ ZUGGA ZIN SHAKEET VS. AURIZ"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

i liked poet 1's comparison of wisdom to a traveling vehichle, but when i read poet 2's lines, i SAW the urban kids' struggle

vote: poet 2

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/9/lifthalegend_music.htm

"u wanna play ball or u wanna fight?" -- ray brown in the gym

  

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Whateva
Member since Jul 07th 2003
4637 posts
Wed Oct-12-05 03:44 PM

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2. "Good job to both."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

In Harold Letterman voice: "Okay Jim, 1 round of fighting, I have Poet 1 taking the last round 10 to 9. Poet 2 just absorbing those power punches."

Seriously though:

Poet 1 - Love the imagery, metaphors, and surefootedness of the words.

Favorite lines:

"Engines shipped from verbal ports, through a sea of nerves.
And wheels set onto the body by veteran engineers."

Poet 2 - I felt like this play a lot better than the first poem in a spoken word venue, depending on the audience and delivery, but that's because, for me, it feels more like a speech than an actual poem. I want to beat down a Superintendent somewhere after I read it, but I believe the same message could have fit into a more creative, thoughful, and memorable piece.

Favorite lines:

"Rickety chairs and desks are the first things I recall
>With a classroom full of dangerous minds
>Or at least that’s what the state called us"


***************************************
"Science" and Religion are the two most dangerous weapons of ideology. See holocaust.

Why do "scientists" constantly produce statistics based on "race", a social construct?

  

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willi_dudat
Member since Jul 26th 2005
8265 posts
Wed Oct-12-05 03:50 PM

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3. "enjoyed the reads..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

poet 1 was adventurous with the vehicle comparisson, afterall education is an adventure... whether plane, train or automobile we need a good vehicle to go the distance... same with education...

while poet 2 was on point with the concept of struggle, that's not everyone's reality... don't get me wrong, i went thru some of that and it ain't nice by no means but its too one dimensional... education isn't confined by those things, maybe slightly knocked off course but its still possible to learn somethin as the poet did ackowledge (kudos)...


poet one got my vote...

"It's the return of the gangsta, thanks ta..."

-du

  

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Ezzsential
Charter member
11085 posts
Wed Oct-12-05 04:01 PM

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4. "co-sign"
In response to Reply # 3


  

          

yeah this was a really nice post..

good to see the change from immature to thought provoking


this is classic

  

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PhotoSynthesis
Charter member
16101 posts
Wed Oct-12-05 04:13 PM

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5. "Poet 2 -- My Vote ..."
In response to Reply # 0


          

I felt it more -- relating to the struggle & mindset -- *Yuuuup*


A guitar string vibrating, a measure of my soul, a breech in the silence --
I've always felt like words come through me & I write them down... they have no master --- gsquared ♥

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/2/photosynthesis_music.htm

  

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Zin
Member since Jan 21st 2004
2972 posts
Wed Oct-12-05 04:56 PM

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6. "PLEASE READ: a message from the sponsors"
In response to Reply # 0
Wed Oct-12-05 05:13 PM by Zin

  

          

in the intro there was a Typo: who is not a slouch
my bad ....will work on the proof reading skills ....peace

Secondly ...i will be in my house in the mountains this weekend in so i won't post the winner until suday night ...but i will need for both poets to put the pick/picks for next week in my inbox ...and i will use the winners pick/picks ...

Big up to YUKON and the staff at YUKON MAG ... for the flyers ...uuuummmm check ya inbox for this weeks pic ...

AND PLEASE Let's try to keep this postive

sig.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Guess who's Back

  

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the_best_part
Member since Jan 13th 2005
1823 posts
Wed Oct-12-05 05:00 PM

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7. "my vote=poet 2"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

poet 1 was really beautiful to read. loved the language and the creativity. however, for me...the language sort of overwhelmed the eliciting of what the author is feeling. something intangible about it, distant even.

poet 2, i loved for it's simplicity. not as creatively written as poet 1, but the feeling/passion is much clearer/louder/felt. that's why it got my vote.

both poets, great job.

@asiaradiant

  

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MiracleRic
Member since Oct 21st 2002
45200 posts
Wed Oct-12-05 05:03 PM

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8. "this is far too close yo"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

i like the concept of poem 1

and the 2nd was more straightfoward

on one hand, u have a descriptive metaphor being played upon and in the other there is more of a personal account of actual situations

hmmm, i felt poem 1 was incomplete tho and so im going to go with poet 2

Let me sport my Air Hyperbole 2010s in peace. (c) ansomble

Building repetoires (c) spm since 1983

  

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hdub
Member since Oct 19th 2004
3264 posts
Wed Oct-12-05 05:15 PM

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9. "poet 2"
In response to Reply # 0


          

the sound/flow in 1's was better as far as im concerned, and i did think 2's was a bit long and simplistic, but a few of those lines in 2's just really did it for me:


>Rickety chairs and desks are the first things I recall
>With a classroom full of dangerous minds
>Or at least that’s what the state called us
>Black kids with a fire and thirst for knowledge
>Whether by blackboards or crack whores
>We was fitttin to learn sum’n
>
>And we did…we learned a lot about our country
>No, no, not through social studies or American history
>classes
>But by seein teachers not teaching
>While children are there reaching
>For someone to grab them and say they care
>
>We excelled in English classes
>In fact we mastered interrogative words
>WHY don’t we have new books?
>WHERE is the money for our schools?
>WHEN did segregation become legal again?
>HOW do metal detectors make me feel safe?
>WHO…cares?
>

wow

the second part was good but as far as im concerned this first part was just so strong- this poem would have been leaner and meaner in my opinion with just this half

the point was more than made here

really dug the poems by both but damn that ^ up there was just excellent

...(the end)...

  

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sikstyle
Member since Apr 27th 2005
640 posts
Wed Oct-12-05 06:10 PM

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10. "who does #2 work for? (c) Austin Powers"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

another pair of hot pieces. these two were very different, poet 1 was more abstract, and 2 was more of an account. I liked em both, but the one that affected me the most was 2, with this part especially:

>We excelled in English classes
>In fact we mastered interrogative words
>WHY don’t we have new books?
>WHERE is the money for our schools?
>WHEN did segregation become legal again?
>HOW do metal detectors make me feel safe?
>WHO…cares?
>

def makes me take a reminicing trip, so this stirs up some older feelings. I did really enjoy the creativity of the first one though.
peace

"I walk around with sick styles, sippin on cristal, my whole cliques wild, I'm rich pal no more sticks I'm making hits now... when I recite you takin hours to write, so if you fight just tell ya man what kinda flowers you like"
-Big L

  

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ibesheme
Member since May 17th 2005
13 posts
Thu Oct-13-05 01:28 PM

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11. "RE: WNF's W/ ZUGGA ZIN SHAKEET VS. AURIZ"
In response to Reply # 0


          

#1 is an abstract ride and i feel like i'm still on my way to the destination by its end. Poem #2 delivers me to a set place and gives me the details of why i'm there, which feels like i'm staring them in the eye as I reach. I like that. So based on feel, it's #2 for me but the writing in #1 is strong

  

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Zin
Member since Jan 21st 2004
2972 posts
Sun Oct-16-05 05:49 PM

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12. " WNF's week winner SHAKEET"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

let's get it popping for next weeek

sig.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Guess who's Back

  

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Shakeet Lokh Em
Member since Mar 22nd 2005
3446 posts
Mon Oct-17-05 12:04 PM

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13. "Thanx to everyone who voted"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

And Auriz, that was an ill script man. Honestly. And for anyone who had trouble following what I wrote, I wrote it from my own personal experience of dealing with an urban public school sysytem. I realize that everyone doens't go through that, but most low income urbanites do. It's just reality.

But later for all this sappy poetry. WE NEED ANOTHER DRAMA FILLED EMCEE BATTLE! (<--- because they're funny and no matter how mad people get, they know they're laughing too) So next up, two heavyweights in this fiber optic arena:

SIKSTYLE VS. FLASHIUSCLAY

Have at it gentlemen.

"I'm scientific, but my reflex gangsta"- Black Thought

  

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sikstyle
Member since Apr 27th 2005
640 posts
Mon Oct-17-05 04:29 PM

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14. "RE: Thanx to everyone who voted"
In response to Reply # 13


  

          

>But later for all this sappy poetry. WE NEED ANOTHER DRAMA
>FILLED EMCEE BATTLE! (<--- because they're funny and no matter
>how mad people get, they know they're laughing too) So next
>up, two heavyweights in this fiber optic arena:
>
>SIKSTYLE VS. FLASHIUSCLAY
>
>Have at it gentlemen.


yay yaaaaaaaaaaay. I'm down. *pops some angry pills*

"I walk around with sick styles, sippin on cristal, my whole cliques wild, I'm rich pal no more sticks I'm making hits now... when I recite you takin hours to write, so if you fight just tell ya man what kinda flowers you like"
-Big L

  

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Auriz Deep
Member since Jun 01st 2005
541 posts
Mon Oct-17-05 08:03 PM

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15. "RE: Thanx to everyone who voted"
In response to Reply # 13


  

          

Appreciate it... and much love back to you. That was dope... I read it and was like...

oh shit...

heh...

But I enjoyed reading it. And thanks for the opportunity all.

Peace

But I'm juss takin that shit outta context.

  

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Zin
Member since Jan 21st 2004
2972 posts
Mon Oct-17-05 08:27 PM

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16. "don't think i didn't want to vote on this ..."
In response to Reply # 15
Mon Oct-17-05 08:43 PM by Zin

  

          

foreal tho i try not to vote ...but these have been some of the dopest reads i've had in a minute

sig.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Guess who's Back

  

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blak_yukon
Charter member
3901 posts
Tue Oct-18-05 04:25 PM

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17. "*ran in a late w/a flyer* sigh...sigh...sigh"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

http://img327.imageshack.us/img327/1241/flyer1zd.jpg



<--putting white folks at ease since 98--

http://www.myspace.com/vicversus

  

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