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Subject: "Down For Me" Previous topic | Next topic
Shakeet Lokh Em
Member since Mar 22nd 2005
3451 posts
Tue May-24-05 03:37 PM

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"Down For Me"
Tue May-24-05 04:05 PM by Shakeet Lokh Em

  

          

Peace Queen, my Goddess, you been with me through it all//
Got me open now, I was once a puzzle only you could solve//
Been tamed through fifteen years of mountains and craters//
Gassed you up sayin I would change, I had you drownin in vapors//
Confirmation of God wasnít at the time of our first childís birth//
It was the fact that you stayed with me when I was at my lowest worth//
You loved me even when all of your family told you to stay away//
Believed in me when my own mother had my coffin on lay-a-way//
Never did me dirty when I was hustlin, you had patience perfected//
You kept us connected/ you only got upset when I got apathetic//
Itís not my absent fatherís fault, or the governmentís blatant neglect//
Because only I can make the decision to show myself some respect//
Makin me look in the mirror of my son, until I finally understand//
That gold fronts in my mouth and a gun will never make me a man//
Remember when you got pregnant, I told you to get rid of the baby//
And you said youíd kill me first, no ifís, mightís, or maybeís//
You saved me/ not just from the crack rock or glocks bustin on blocks//
But also from my close-mindedness that kept my brain in a locked box//
I tore down my mental ghetto walls and freed my gray matter//
To the love factor/ deep in the book of life so now I turn the next chapter//
And itís you, all smiles, all trust, all joy, all love//
An olive branch and a dove/ we stay getting burns from rugs//
After I came home from a year locked in Minimum Security//
I promised to release you from my juvenile subliminal tyranny//
12 months of patiently waitin, you never disrespected our home//
Never cheated, said I was the only king that would sit on your throne//
As the time goes pass/ for every calendar that we throw in the trash//
Itís more evident that we in a marathon and not a 40 yard dash//
So we gonna last/ longer than any fad/ because we are time itself//
Never held down by gravity, we stay in the stars like Orionís Belt//
Give me goose bumps when you kiss me with your beautiful self//
I hope this is felt/ Love it when I kiss your candy coatin, and you start to melt//
I prayed to God and thanked him for sending me one of His angels//
My pride has been strangled/ so now I spend my days being thankful//
Black man with a black queen/ your eyes sparkle with that African gleam//
I canít explain to you the depth of what you makin me laugh again means//
The essence of dreams/ is your definition, your soul makes me serene//
A paradise of emotion, my crooked past youíve made me redeem//

"I'm scientific, but my reflex gangsta"- Black Thought

  

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
RE: Down For Me
May 24th 2005
1
RE: Down For Me
May 24th 2005
2
UPPIN!
May 25th 2005
3
That was some real talk dog
May 25th 2005
4
archive!...
May 25th 2005
5
This is a result of constructive criticism
May 25th 2005
6
      RE: This is a result of constructive criticism
May 26th 2005
7
upski^
May 29th 2005
8
heartfelt and authentic
May 30th 2005
9
second time around
Jun 22nd 2005
10
anyone want to second my archive request....
Jun 22nd 2005
11
RE: anyone want to second my archive request....
Jun 23rd 2005
12
      I THIRD That Motion -- (((E-Motion)))
Jun 23rd 2005
14
           everybody's all inboxed...
Jun 23rd 2005
17
RE: Down For Me
Jun 23rd 2005
13
RE: Down For Me
Jun 23rd 2005
16
RE: Down For Me
Jun 23rd 2005
15

the_best_part
Member since Jan 13th 2005
1823 posts
Tue May-24-05 04:34 PM

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1. "RE: Down For Me"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

that's w'sup.

@asiaradiant

  

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HueyNewton
Member since Feb 27th 2005
1923 posts
Tue May-24-05 04:45 PM

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2. "RE: Down For Me"
In response to Reply # 0


          

beautiful, heartfelt piece shakeet!!!!!!!

they showed us phYsically, we could reach infinitY, but mentally, through the century, we lost our identitY
-Rakim

  

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Soulbrotha
Member since Feb 18th 2004
7401 posts
Wed May-25-05 02:25 PM

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3. "UPPIN!"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

'cos this is fresh..

"Do to others what you would others have done unto you." - The Lord Jesus Christ

SB Video: http://www.youtube.com/soulbrothavideo
SB tweet:www.twitter.com/soulb

  

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flashiusclay
Member since Mar 04th 2004
952 posts
Wed May-25-05 04:20 PM

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4. "That was some real talk dog"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Serious material right there

Proper Education Always Corrects Errors

  

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hdub
Member since Oct 19th 2004
3264 posts
Wed May-25-05 07:38 PM

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5. "archive!..."
In response to Reply # 0


          

...this is beautiful

shakeet, as you know i think your past verses have been good but i had some issues with the flow. in thi spiece the rhythym of it is just incredible

to have such a deep message and still have uncompromised rhymes and rhythyms in your verse elevates this past almost anything ive seen on the rap tip since i've been here

this is professional quality

your battle and your political shit has been good but i think this is where your true talent lies

i cant wait to hear more of your personal stories

...(the end)...

  

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Shakeet Lokh Em
Member since Mar 22nd 2005
3451 posts
Wed May-25-05 11:26 PM

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6. "This is a result of constructive criticism"
In response to Reply # 5
Wed May-25-05 11:30 PM by Shakeet Lokh Em

  

          

I know I can write, but that wasn't my issue. I was puttin too many words into one bar. So while it rhymed and made sense, the rhythm was sometimes sacrificed. I wrote a joint, somebody critiqued it, and instead of getting defensive, I looked at my piece objectively. And I agreed with what was said. That is the best part of an open forum, in that we can honestly critique each other and make ourselves better writers. But anyway, thanks for the peep.


P.S.And this is by no means professional. lol This is somethin I did at work. I'm still refining my style, but when I get it all together, it's gonna take a nation of millions to hold me back. ~one~

"I'm scientific, but my reflex gangsta"- Black Thought

  

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hdub
Member since Oct 19th 2004
3264 posts
Thu May-26-05 12:35 AM

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7. "RE: This is a result of constructive criticism"
In response to Reply # 6


          

well however you got it you got it

but ive noticed you getting better and better as a result of feedback- this leap is something else its extra energy that came as a result of writing from such a deep spot in your heart

i know you wrote this and all but fuck that- im saying it how it is

you just too modest bro

>
>P.S.And this is by no means professional. lol This is somethin
>I did at work. I'm still refining my style, but when I get it
>all together, it's gonna take a nation of millions to hold me
>back. ~one~

...(the end)...

  

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hdub
Member since Oct 19th 2004
3264 posts
Sun May-29-05 12:42 PM

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8. "upski^"
In response to Reply # 0


          

,

...(the end)...

  

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xandra360
Member since Nov 24th 2004
3160 posts
Mon May-30-05 09:35 AM

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9. "heartfelt and authentic"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

I don't know much about rhyming patterns and all of that but I could feel the emotion and truth behind this one.

~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~

  

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the_best_part
Member since Jan 13th 2005
1823 posts
Wed Jun-22-05 10:24 PM

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10. "second time around"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

was better than the first time.

@asiaradiant

  

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hdub
Member since Oct 19th 2004
3264 posts
Wed Jun-22-05 11:21 PM

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11. "anyone want to second my archive request...."
In response to Reply # 0


          

...from awhile back- seeing as this post has had such staying power i figure maybe a few who werent convinced initially might change their tunes

...(the end)...

  

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the_best_part
Member since Jan 13th 2005
1823 posts
Thu Jun-23-05 06:17 AM

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12. "RE: anyone want to second my archive request...."
In response to Reply # 11


  

          

archive

@asiaradiant

  

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PhotoSynthesis
Charter member
16101 posts
Thu Jun-23-05 08:25 AM

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14. "I THIRD That Motion -- (((E-Motion)))"
In response to Reply # 12


          

*No Doubt*

A guitar string vibrating, a measure of my soul, a breech in the silence --
I've always felt like words come through me & I write them down... they have no master --- gsquared ♥

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/2/photosynthesis_music.htm

  

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hdub
Member since Oct 19th 2004
3264 posts
Thu Jun-23-05 09:50 AM

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17. "everybody's all inboxed..."
In response to Reply # 14


          

n/m

...(the end)...

  

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Prolif
Member since Nov 15th 2004
1507 posts
Thu Jun-23-05 07:18 AM

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13. "RE: Down For Me"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

my bad for taking so long to read this yo

i really can see ur heart in pieces like this....ur rhythm has improved alot...i want to hear u on audio....do u do spoken word? this could be a rap or a spoken word piece....let me hear some audio dude...drop somen' in my inbox....

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/9/lifthalegend_music.htm

"rip so many bars he should'a got a juris doctorate" -- phonte

  

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Shakeet Lokh Em
Member since Mar 22nd 2005
3451 posts
Thu Jun-23-05 08:34 AM

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16. "RE: Down For Me"
In response to Reply # 13
Thu Jun-23-05 08:35 AM by Shakeet Lokh Em

  

          

I'm workin on my Soundclick page right now actually. I'm a crackhead Kanye, samplin music and what not. lol It should be all ready by next week though. I do perform spoken word. I just did one Tuesday at an open mic. As nervous as I be, when you in the middle of it, it's like....I dunno...peace. But as soon as my audios done, I'll put it up. And then the dissecting of Shakeet can begin. lol

"I'm scientific, but my reflex gangsta"- Black Thought

  

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PhotoSynthesis
Charter member
16101 posts
Thu Jun-23-05 08:30 AM

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15. "RE: Down For Me"
In response to Reply # 0


          

I'm at a loss to understand how I missed this!?!?!


I usually have my eyes peeled for a "Shakeet" flow, yaknow? -- *duhhhh* --


(((Oh Well))) -- It happens sometimes -- *shruggs*



Definitely an awesome pCe, heartfelt, and worthy of archival --


*Luv'd It*

A guitar string vibrating, a measure of my soul, a breech in the silence --
I've always felt like words come through me & I write them down... they have no master --- gsquared ♥

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/2/photosynthesis_music.htm

  

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