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KnowOne
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Mon Mar-01-04 09:28 AM

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""
Mon Mar-01-04 10:26 AM

  

          

This is long and not very good. (Being honest) But I'm trying my hand at writing prose & stories. I've broken it up into sections. Each reply below is a part to the story. If ya bored give it a read. And like I said....I already know it sucks (lol).....just trying to grow....... But please any feedback is appreciated.

_________________________________________
"Too weird to live.... too rare to die..."

IG: KnowOne215 | PS+ ID: KnowOne215

  

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
Samara The Suicide Fairy Pt. 1
Mar 01st 2004
1
RE: Samara The Suicide Fairy Pt. 1
Mar 05th 2004
20
Samara The Suicide Fairy Pt. 2
Mar 01st 2004
2
Samara The Suicide Fairy Pt. 3
Mar 01st 2004
3
Samara The Suicide Fairy Pt. 4
Mar 01st 2004
4
Samara The Suicide Fairy Pt. 5 (Conclusion)
Mar 01st 2004
5
I guess....
Mar 02nd 2004
6
dude!
Mar 02nd 2004
7
      RE: dude!
Mar 02nd 2004
9
      i came back...
Mar 02nd 2004
11
           RE: i came back...
Mar 05th 2004
21
RE: Samara The Suicide Fairy Pt. 5 (Conclusion)
Mar 07th 2004
22
      WOW
Mar 08th 2004
23
:::WoW:::
Mar 02nd 2004
8
Know...this was really cool.
Mar 02nd 2004
10
photo......
Mar 04th 2004
14
Thanks for....
Mar 04th 2004
12
RE: Thanks for....
Mar 04th 2004
13
Oh my.....
Mar 04th 2004
15
archive?
Mar 05th 2004
16
      RE: archive?
Mar 05th 2004
17
      RE: archive?
Mar 05th 2004
18
Nice
Mar 05th 2004
19
one last bump..
Mar 10th 2004
24
awestruck
Adventures With A Magical Guitar
Mar 10th 2004
25
And I repeat... Archive!
Mar 13th 2004
26
but I just had....
Mar 15th 2004
27
      Uhhhhhhhh --
Mar 24th 2004
30
Mar 17th 2004
28
bumpin up!
Mar 22nd 2004
29

KnowOne
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Mon Mar-01-04 09:28 AM

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1. "Samara The Suicide Fairy Pt. 1"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Samara The Suicide Fairy Pt. 1

It was an utterly boring party. Josh couldn't see anybody he knew, and he wasn't one to mingle. Besides, everyone around him was either drunk or stoned out of their minds. And he simply wasn't in the mood.

As he plowed through the crowd to leave, his eye caught sight of some bright color in this dim room off to his left. A quick flash of neon green.

He looked again, but the green was gone. But something else caught his eye. Someone.
She was small. In every way you could say it. She was very thin, short, short hair, small hands. And was huddled in the corner of the dark room on her knees. And yet, no one had approached her. She had plenty of room to move, even though everyone else
was crammed together.

She was wearing a black sundress, and a long black scarf with long black gloves on the floor behind her. Then, suddenly, he realized where the green flash had come from. She had the greenest eyes. Green like fields of grass, like jade, like neon lights in the dead of night. Hearing him approach she quickly put on her long black gloves, covering her hands and arms. Before he could speak there was a sudden blood-curdling scream from down the hall. Probably a fight or someone having a bad trip, Josh assumed. Though crying she gave him a crooked smile at him and as she turned around, he saw that her dress dipped low on her back, exposing a black and green tattoo: two delicate butterfly wings. Upon rising she rushed past him exiting the room.

As if hypnotized, he followed her through the house, his eyes never leaving the tattoo until they both ended up alone in the kitchen. While others rushed to the sound of the commotion, she sat on the counter and he stared at her.

"Hi." she said softly.

"Hello. I'm Josh."

"I know."

Josh shook himself. This wasn't how conversations usually went.

"Wha … What's your name?"

"Samara……." she mumbled.

She was obviously saying nothing more, so he thought of leaving, but as he did, he heard her voice.

"No, don't leave, please!" she whispered. " I'm afraid to live."

Josh was so surprised by this he turned around in a hurry. "To live?……Most people are afraid to die…"

"Oh no." said the girl, interjected with a childish giggle. " I've died so many times, it doesn't even scare me anymore. But LIVING….that’s hard. I really need your help."

"My help? You've died many times?" Josh was totally confused….yet intrigued.

"Follow me." And she led him out of the house just as an ambulance arrived.

He followed her, as she led him down the street and around the corner. He was so mesmerized by her, he didn't notice till they arrived that she had been leading him to his own apartment.

"How do you know I live here? I don't understand any of this."

Before his eyes, Samara opened his door, even though he knew he'd locked it.

"What are you?" he asked, as she walked in.

"Very afraid, Josh….very afraid…."

Suddenly he thought he saw something in her…..a child like quality. And ignoring all rational thought…his heart melted away like ice cream under a summer sky.

He took her into his arms, and led her to the couch. She sat there, slightly whimpering. All he could do was hold her.

"Tell me what it is to live?" she said softly, looking up in his eyes, dead serious.

He thought for a while.

"Well, it starts out with being born."

"But I never was…" her eyes filling up with tears.

Ignoring the impossibility of this he replied….
"Well, it's not that important of a step anyway. I mean you’re here already right. Do you eat and breathe?"

Samara took a deep breath. In that moment her realized that he hadn't heard nor seen her breathing earlier. He dismissed it.

"You're right. I do feel better now."

"Good….just imagine how you’ll feel to eat. Wait here, alright?"

He went into the kitchen to get some chocolate. *She'll love this. What am I doing? Introducing eating and breathing? Am I going crazy? Just how much did I have to drink?*

When he came back in the living room, she was gone. Sleep didn’t come easy that night….


_________________________________________
"Too weird to live.... too rare to die..."

IG: KnowOne215 | PS+ ID: KnowOne215

  

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gsquared
Member since Oct 26th 2002
3647 posts
Fri Mar-05-04 11:42 AM

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20. "RE: Samara The Suicide Fairy Pt. 1"
In response to Reply # 1


          

..I read the first two, I'll be back for the rest...seems real good, man...interesting, I like thinking about the concept of death and life overlapping...

http://www.GaryPatrickGarry.com

"I'm stalling in flight
Hovering over horizons
Waiting for night"

"My turn to speak in tongues"
--Photosynthesis

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/2/photosynthesis_music.htm

  

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KnowOne
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Mon Mar-01-04 09:29 AM

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2. "Samara The Suicide Fairy Pt. 2"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Samara The Suicide Fairy Pt. 2

Josh sat, depressed as ever the next morning, in the cafe in his apartment building. His best friend came up him.

"Hey Josh. I've got some bad news man…."

"What?"

"You know that girl you was talking to at the party with last night? Well, she killed herself. She slit her wrists in one of the bed rooms. They found her and called an ambulance but it was too late. Do you know what happened?"

Josh’s eyes where blank. "No, I don't. We where over at my house, talking, I go into the kitchen to
get some food, and when I came back, she was gone. Oh my god…"

His friend sat puzzled as to why she would leave the party, go to Josh’s home, and then return to kill her self. And Josh was too stunned by the new to remember the scream & ambulance that he heard and saw the night before. Seeing the grief in Josh’s eyes he placed a hand on his shoulder. "It's ok. Don’t blame your self man. None of us knew she was going to do that. Look, I'm having just a little party tonight at my house. Why don’t you come by…..you know, take your mind off things. Be there, ok?"

"I'll try."

*that evening*

He'd finally found a room that wasn't used by junkies or couples having wild sex. And he just sat there, thinking of the girl from the night before. Had he imagined her? He was sitting with his head on his bent knees, fighting back tears and confusion, when he heard it.

"What's eating like?"

His head shot up. "You're alive? Am I dreaming?" He ran up to her, and grabbed her and touched her hair and arms and face. She looked slightly disoriented by all this attention, but smiled anyway.

"What's eating like?" she repeated, insisting.

"Let me show you. Let me show you everything!"

He grabbed her arm and rushed her out of the party, taking her to a corner store. He picked up a bar of chocolate, simple and plain, and without paying for it, unwrapped it, broke off a piece and put it to her mouth. She took and sucked it gently, letting the chocolate melt in her mouth. A glow in her eyes showed that this was the first time she experienced this.

"Are you going to pay for that??" said a voice, breaking the moment.

"Yes! And this, and this, and this too." he said picking up soft drinks and candy and an apple.
"And this."

He came out of the store with a bag full of delicious foods. He led her back to his apartment, where she tasted the candy and felt the fizz of the soft drinks on her tongue, as if for the first time.

After a while, they where both tired and laying on the couch.

"You make me feel alive." she said, quietly.

This brought back the news he'd had this morning. "What was that I heard of you killing
yourself? I assume it was someone else?"

"Oh no, it was me. I die every night. Nothing can stop it." she sounded very sad as she uttered
those words.

"I don't understand…"

"You might someday."

She said nothing more, so Josh continued to stroke her hair in silence.

"Tomorrow, can you make me be born?"

It was such an odd request that Josh didn't know how to answer. But fear she would not return if he denied her…

"I don't know how… but I'll try." he promised. “I’ll try!”

"Good. Now, sleep. And I'll be with you tomorrow. To live. "

When he woke up alone the next morning, after a night of dreams, he knew what to do.


_________________________________________
"Too weird to live.... too rare to die..."

IG: KnowOne215 | PS+ ID: KnowOne215

  

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KnowOne
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Mon Mar-01-04 09:30 AM

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3. "Samara The Suicide Fairy Pt. 3"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Samara The Suicide Fairy Pt. 3

She came to his apartment the night after, dressed in her eternal black.

"Hi Samara."

"Hello Josh."

"Do you trust me?" he asked, leading her into the bathroom.

"You make me live." she said, as only means of answer.

"Then please, take off your clothes."

Her face was stricken by panic.

"No…" she said, "You can't …..Can't see me…" she starting panicking and mumbling
incomprehensible things.

He took her by the shoulders and shook her.

"It's ok, it's ok. You don't have to take your clothes off."

She looked very relieved.

He helped her into the tub of warm water. She giggled a bit, not knowing what was going on.

"Alright now. Put your head under water, close your eyes and let all the air out of your whole body. When you're done, come up and breathe."

She nodded and ducked into the water, blowing out. Josh hadn't expected this, but she blew softly for over 5 minutes. She didn't seem to need help, so he let her be.

Suddenly, her eyes snapped open and she sat upright, gasping for air. Josh held her up so as she wouldn't fall back in.

"I'm… I'm born." she said, out of breath. Josh laughed heartily, hearing that cry. He helped her out of the bathtub as she dripped all over the floor.

"But now I'm all wet." she whined.

"Well new-born babies are all wet too. I'll help you dry up, don't worry."

He started drying her up, but found it was hard, and that her scarf, heavy with water, was
choking her.

"You should take off at least your scarf, it would help you to breathe better." He'd hit the right cord with the breathing part.

Seeing that she wasn't fighting back or freaking out, he slowly took the end of her scarf and unraveled it. As it came away, he saw many scars, some fresher than others, long slits across her throat, and many bruises. Though he hissed, either in shock or disgust, he didn't say anything, and she didn’t notice, looking at the floor in shame.

He started slipping her gloves off, and as more skin was exposed, he saw her wrists had been slit many times over. But still he took them off and said nothing as tears streamed down her face.

"What is it, Samara?" he asked, lifting her chin so her tear streaked face was looking directly at his.

"Look at me!" she said, thrusting her wrists in his face.

"Yes?" he said, seeing for the first time a violent feeling from her, and wanting her to explore it to it's maximum.

"I'm horrible. It's not my fault. My mother was fairy, too. And she was the Sadness Fairy. And all her sadness came into me. And so, every night, I kill myself! That's what they call me. The other fairies….they all laugh at me. Because I can never live. Because I always die. I am the Suicide Fairy…" as she said this, her eyes glowed bright green and the tattoo on her back became reality, as two giant butterfly wings grew behind her, as green as her eyes.

"My god you're beautiful…" suddenly he leaned down and kissed her lips, that had now turned green to match the rest of her. When he released her surprised lips, she had gone back to normal.

"It's almost midnight… I need to die." she said, pulling her gloves back on.

"Come back tomorrow. I'll make you live!" he promised, handing her the scarf.

"I will. I always do."

_________________________________________
"Too weird to live.... too rare to die..."

IG: KnowOne215 | PS+ ID: KnowOne215

  

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KnowOne
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4. "Samara The Suicide Fairy Pt. 4"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Samara The Suicide Fairy Pt. 4

Over the next few weeks, Josh took her to the theatre, to movies, shopping, to see children, animals, books, anything and everything. And she reveled in this almost life she had. And as the weeks passed he ignored the new reports of the sudden rise of suicides in the area.

One day, as they were watching a movie, and the actors on the screen where telling each other how much they loved each other, Samara turned around and whispered something to Josh’s ear.

"Josh…… what's love?"

He thought about it for a while, just like for all the other complicated questions she would ask.

"Well, love is when you care so much about someone, that you're always happy to see them, you feel all warm inside when you meet them, that you would do anything to make them happy. That's love." he explained slowly.

"Oh." She seemed to think for a while. " Then I love you, Josh."

She continued watching the movie as Josh's heart did back flips. He knew she meant it, because she was almost incapable of lying, and she simply understood that she loved him… *Oh my god… I love her too.*

For the second time since they'd met, he took her face in his hand and kissed her. He let her go and played in her hair, staring into her eyes that where beginning to glow, just like the other times she'd had very strong feelings.

"This feeling…" she said, her lips turning greenish.

"Maybe we should go. Before your wings come out." he smiled and took her hand, leaving the movie complex.

That night they made love, slowly and softly, until they both fell asleep in each others arms, exhausted.

Josh woke up, and remembered the night before. He knew she wouldn't be there when he
turned around, and a depressed sigh escaped his lips.

_________________________________________
"Too weird to live.... too rare to die..."

IG: KnowOne215 | PS+ ID: KnowOne215

  

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KnowOne
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Mon Mar-01-04 09:31 AM

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5. "Samara The Suicide Fairy Pt. 5 (Conclusion)"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Samara The Suicide Fairy Pt. 5 (Conclusion)

She'd have gone out and killed herself again, leaving him alone.

He turned around and stopped breathing. There, sleeping quietly, breathing lightly was Samara, her butterfly wings full out, draped on the bed, her lips green.

"Samara…" he said, waking her up. Her eyes where glowing bright green.

"You didn't kill yourself!" he said, sitting up.

"I… I forgot to." she seemed as amazed as he was.

"You're alive now. You're truly alive! I love you, Samara. So much…" He took her in his arms.

"You love us?" she asked.

"Us?"

"Of course." She said, laughing. "I have two little lives inside me now because of last night. Death and Despair. What shall we name them?"

Josh took all of this in, and decided, oh well. This isn't how he'd planned out his life, but to say the truth, he hadn't really planned it out at all until now.

"I don't know yet. We'll see when we see them."

Nine months later, two little girls where born, with tattoos on their backs, which surprised the nurses. One of them had deep blue eyes and another, burgundy ones.

"What will you name them." said one of the nurses who was quicker on her feet and needed to fill in the birth sheets.

"The one with blue eyes is called Dee, Death Fairy…..my maiden name. And the other is called Beth, Despair Fairy." said Samara, staring happily at her two beautiful babies. They wouldn't grow up sad like her. Never. She and Josh would see to that.

But Life as always…. had other plans………


_________________________________________
"Too weird to live.... too rare to die..."

IG: KnowOne215 | PS+ ID: KnowOne215

  

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KnowOne
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39940 posts
Tue Mar-02-04 03:05 AM

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6. "I guess...."
In response to Reply # 5


  

          

this is too long for anyone to read. This probably don't belong here.

_________________________________________
"Too weird to live.... too rare to die..."

IG: KnowOne215 | PS+ ID: KnowOne215

  

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Natalie
Member since May 06th 2003
2162 posts
Tue Mar-02-04 03:45 AM

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7. "dude!"
In response to Reply # 6


  

          

give us a chance! sheesh! you go and post some loooooonnnggg pieces and already you're getting self-deprecating before a comments been made. lol! just messing with you, know.

now, i'm curious about the title, that's why i'm in here...didn't realise you'd have several parts...cool that...ok, now is it alright if i take my time and go away and read them then come back and comment? i'll be back, but you know that.

peace,

n.

==================================

"I'm a curbside prophet with my hand in my pocket and I'm waiting for my rocket to come." - Jason Mraz

"Conformity is the refuge of a stagnant mind."

  

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Imagination_7
Member since Jun 10th 2003
1580 posts
Tue Mar-02-04 08:47 AM

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9. "RE: dude!"
In response to Reply # 7


  

          

Cosign with nat... don't downplay the piece before we have a chance to get at it! Well! I read all five parts. Once I started I had to. I liked it. Especially the happy ending. I wish life were like that in a way... you know, that we were able to appreciate the little things we take for granted and also say, I love you more easily to people. Without the false expectations and baggage involved. Just, I like being around you, I want to make you happy, I'd do anything for you, I love you. Less complicated. Sweet story with sinister undertones. (The suicide factor.)



“I have had to experience so much stupidity, so many vices, so much error, so much nausea, disillusionment and sorrow, just in order to become a child again and begin anew. But it was right that it should be so: my eyes and heart acclaim it. I had to experience despair, I had to sink to the greatest mental depths, to thoughts of suicide, in order to experience grace, to hear Om again, to sleep deeply again and to awaken refreshed again. I had to become a fool again in order to find Atman in myself. I had to sin in order to live again. Whither will my path yet lead me? This path is stupid, it goes in spirals, perhaps in circles, but whichever way it goes, I follow it.” Siddhartha- Herman Hesse

"Poetry is an orphan of silence. The words never quite equal the experience behind them."
-Charles Simic

"When all men think alike, no one thinks very much."
-Walter Lippmann

Register to vote,please?

www.yourvotematters.org
www.iwanttovote.com


Lesley

  

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Natalie
Member since May 06th 2003
2162 posts
Tue Mar-02-04 05:46 PM

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11. "i came back..."
In response to Reply # 7


  

          

first off, i really enjoyed the way you set this up, then mentally took my hand to show me the story rather than just simply telling it. (i hope that makes sense.)

secondly, i think you should have called her samSara (the whole cycle of rebirth and death as well as the belief that we are stuck in this, at times, depressingly karmic world) instead of samara (chosen of God, and a few other things). etymologically, samsara seems more fitting for your story. although...in a way either can work 'cause the author (not to get blasphemous or anything) has chosen this particular character to represent suicide.

i'm looking forward to the next installment...and as sad as it seems to sound (only 'cause one baby is called despair; if it were just death which also = life in many instances, it wouldn't seem so ominous), i can't wait to see your next craftings.

question: why does joy have to be followed by sorrow? couldn't she just have some peace? ugh! lovin' this.

peace,

n.

==================================

"I'm a curbside prophet with my hand in my pocket and I'm waiting for my rocket to come." - Jason Mraz

"Conformity is the refuge of a stagnant mind."

  

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KnowOne
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Fri Mar-05-04 06:43 PM

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21. "RE: i came back..."
In response to Reply # 11


  

          

>first off, i really enjoyed the way you set this up, then
>mentally took my hand to show me the story rather than just
>simply telling it. (i hope that makes sense.)
>
>secondly, i think you should have called her samSara (the
>whole cycle of rebirth and death as well as the belief that
>we are stuck in this, at times, depressingly karmic world)
>instead of samara (chosen of God, and a few other things).
>etymologically, samsara seems more fitting for your story.
>although...in a way either can work 'cause the author (not
>to get blasphemous or anything) has chosen this particular
>character to represent suicide.

check ya inbox

>question: why does joy have to be followed by sorrow?
>couldn't she just have some peace? ugh! lovin' this.

you know how I am.

lol

_________________________________________
"Too weird to live.... too rare to die..."

IG: KnowOne215 | PS+ ID: KnowOne215

  

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My Pretty Eyez
Member since Dec 31st 2002
138 posts
Sun Mar-07-04 06:56 PM

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22. "RE: Samara The Suicide Fairy Pt. 5 (Conclusion)"
In response to Reply # 5


  

          

Dammit! This is one of the top 5 things I have read here, this being #1. I wish there were more. I want to know what happed to Josh and the babies!

This is awesome. Thanks for sharing.

-Erin

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
"Loving someone deeply gives you courage. Being loved deeply gives you strength."


"You can't kick off in a smurfs ass... you ain't tough..." -Nowachaoticthing (in response to one of my many idle threats to beat his ass)

  

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KnowOne
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Mon Mar-08-04 05:29 AM

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23. "WOW"
In response to Reply # 22
Mon Mar-08-04 06:39 PM

  

          

thanks for the compliment! I really appreciate it. Thanks for taking the time to read & respond.

_________________________________________
"Too weird to live.... too rare to die..."

IG: KnowOne215 | PS+ ID: KnowOne215

  

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PhotoSynthesis
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Tue Mar-02-04 08:47 AM

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8. ":::WoW:::"
In response to Reply # 0


          

This was such a touching and beautiful lil' tale of woe and dispair -- Laced with hope & new~found LIFE -- (((Stirring)))

And you know I have a hard time delving into LONG ish -- But after reading PART 1 -- My eyes gravitated and guided me thru PARTS 2 thru 5 -- EFFORTLESSLY! -- *smiles*

*Photo wipes mouth after lunchtime snacking*

I could read this a few more times -- Because I enjoyed it so much -- But if you EVER -- yaheardme? -- IF YOU EVER -- GIVE UP ON YOUR WORK SO QUICKLY -- (Just because it's long) -- Or if you discount or discredit your work with comments like: "This is long and not very good. (Being honest)" -- I WILL PERSONALLY POP YOU UPSIDE YO HEAD WITH MY MOUSE PAD -- (or maybe even my keyboard) -- *grrrrrrr*

I'll be back later with a lil' critiquing, aaiight? -- *wink*


But HONESTLY -- This was a delightfully mysterious read INDEED! -- ;^)


NOTE: Suicide seems to be your theme~song -- (And area of expertise) -- Which scares me about U sometimes -- But I'm sure you've got a firm handle on life -- So we won't go there, huh? -- *smiles*

A guitar string vibrating, a measure of my soul, a breech in the silence --
I've always felt like words come through me & I write them down... they have no master --- gsquared ♥

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/2/photosynthesis_music.htm

  

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RatpackSlim
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Tue Mar-02-04 11:42 AM

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10. "Know...this was really cool."
In response to Reply # 8


          

reminded me of somewhere between tim burton, neil gaiman, and aimee bender.

a fairy tale for the scarred.

if this is your first venture into prose, you passed with flying colors. i have a number of short stories that i've fiddled with over the years. it's a whole different world to dive into. much respect to you having the guts to share this with.

dammit. now i may have to bust out some short prose soon.

peace,
slim

-----
"You Sensitive Bastard", Rob Sturma's latest book of poems, is available directly from the author. It's a pretty book with a real ISBN number and everything.

www.myspace.com/robsturma

  

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KnowOne
Charter member
39940 posts
Thu Mar-04-04 05:49 AM

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14. "photo......"
In response to Reply # 8


  

          

>But if you EVER -- yaheardme? -- IF YOU EVER --
>GIVE UP ON YOUR WORK SO QUICKLY --
Can't help it. LOL

>NOTE: Suicide seems to be your theme~song -- (And area of
>expertise) -- Which scares me about U sometimes -- But I'm
>sure you've got a firm handle on life -- So we won't go
>there, huh? -- *smiles*

Yeah it is......do I have a firm handle? For the moment.....

_________________________________________
"Too weird to live.... too rare to die..."

IG: KnowOne215 | PS+ ID: KnowOne215

  

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KnowOne
Charter member
39940 posts
Thu Mar-04-04 05:13 AM

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12. "Thanks for...."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

taking the time to read this & reply ya'll!

_________________________________________
"Too weird to live.... too rare to die..."

IG: KnowOne215 | PS+ ID: KnowOne215

  

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PhotoSynthesis
Charter member
16101 posts
Thu Mar-04-04 05:45 AM

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13. "RE: Thanks for...."
In response to Reply # 12


          

You're more than welcome -- Keep polishing & perfecting this skillset, aaiight? -- *wink*

A guitar string vibrating, a measure of my soul, a breech in the silence --
I've always felt like words come through me & I write them down... they have no master --- gsquared ♥

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/2/photosynthesis_music.htm

  

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Nowachaoticthing
Member since Dec 24th 2002
2178 posts
Thu Mar-04-04 09:26 PM

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15. "Oh my....."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

This is phenominal.

I don't have the words to do this justice, but I just wanted you to know that I read it... all of it... and I think it should be archived.

"To be a poet is a condition, not a profession."
- Robert Frost

http://inevitabletruth.blogspot.com/
http://www.lulu.com/content/187759
http://www.hdfest.com/Barry/allreviewsbarry.html
http://wishbonec.wordpress.com/

  

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KnowOne
Charter member
39940 posts
Fri Mar-05-04 07:51 AM

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16. "archive?"
In response to Reply # 15


  

          

really? Wow...... thanks for reading & responding. I was unsure about this. Thanks.

_________________________________________
"Too weird to live.... too rare to die..."

IG: KnowOne215 | PS+ ID: KnowOne215

  

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Seis Fifth
Member since Mar 02nd 2004
111 posts
Fri Mar-05-04 08:47 AM

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17. "RE: archive?"
In response to Reply # 16


          

i stand for what u stand...but i walk for what i feel...

I wouldn't have to be "bored" to read this. That was excellent. I can't recall the last time i read a story like this...as in holding my attention to the fullest. many props for this...keep it up...get a lil film crew together, you could probably do some damage to independent film industry with that...

i stand for what u stand...but i walk for what i feel..

  

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Nowachaoticthing
Member since Dec 24th 2002
2178 posts
Fri Mar-05-04 09:49 AM

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18. "RE: archive?"
In response to Reply # 16


  

          

I can see this story played out as a sketch for the Twilight Zone... or The Outer Limits... It could possibly even stand up on it's own as a premise for a screenplay.

I was easily sucked into the plot. I found myself empathizing with the main character's compassion and love for Samora and her bleak situation... the ending left me wanting to know more, but it was still a good place to finish because just like life, ya never really know what's going to happen next... some of it's good, and some of it's bad, but you still have to LIVE and prepare for both...

Last night, this piece left me speechless, but today I seem to be able to convey my feelings a bit better. This piece has a meloncholy vibe to it, but it's also very uplifting and inspirational at the same time. This piece had a really profound effect on me.

"To be a poet is a condition, not a profession."
- Robert Frost

http://inevitabletruth.blogspot.com/
http://www.lulu.com/content/187759
http://www.hdfest.com/Barry/allreviewsbarry.html
http://wishbonec.wordpress.com/

  

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soulchild
Member since Dec 25th 2003
1272 posts
Fri Mar-05-04 09:57 AM

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19. "Nice"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

I read the whole thing. It definitely wasn't too long. It kept my attention quite well. I enjoyed it, overall.

only one suggestion. Not that i'm any type of authority, but i'd just suggest that, when Josh is seeing all of these things that surprise him and that he doesn't understand in the beginning, i guess, i'd like it more if he were to stumble over his words a bit more, showing that he's pretty confused. Just to make it a little bit more realistic...not that fairy tales are really realistic or anything...but anyway, hopefully you get what i'm saying!

anyway, it was a good read! And, i know how you feel with resorting to give up on it too soon when you are unsure about posting it, but s'all good, this one was nice, and i'm glad you did post it!
___________________________
-Phyllis-




...The caged bird sings
with fearful trill
of the things unknown
but longed for still
and is tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom...

- Maya Angelou

  

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KnowOne
Charter member
39940 posts
Wed Mar-10-04 11:19 AM

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24. "one last bump.."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

B4 it falls off.

_________________________________________
"Too weird to live.... too rare to die..."

IG: KnowOne215 | PS+ ID: KnowOne215

  

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Adventures With A Magical Guitar

Wed Mar-10-04 01:12 PM

  
25. "awestruck"
In response to Reply # 0


          

The writing isn't as elaborate as some might prefer but to me as long as it gets the point across which this did easily I usually aint too picky.

Then theres the story... inspired comes to mind. Very creative and managed to keep me fully attentive until the end (and probably longer), the whole metaphor was wonderful, easily archive material and one of my favorite from you yet. Thank you!

  

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Nowachaoticthing
Member since Dec 24th 2002
2178 posts
Sat Mar-13-04 11:42 PM

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26. "And I repeat... Archive!"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Does this count as a 2nd nomination?

"To be a poet is a condition, not a profession."
- Robert Frost

http://inevitabletruth.blogspot.com/
http://www.lulu.com/content/187759
http://www.hdfest.com/Barry/allreviewsbarry.html
http://wishbonec.wordpress.com/

  

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KnowOne
Charter member
39940 posts
Mon Mar-15-04 04:54 AM

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27. "but I just had...."
In response to Reply # 26


  

          

something archived the other day........don't want peps thinking I get special treatment just cuz I'm the Mod ya know.

_________________________________________
"Too weird to live.... too rare to die..."

IG: KnowOne215 | PS+ ID: KnowOne215

  

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PhotoSynthesis
Charter member
16101 posts
Wed Mar-24-04 01:55 PM

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30. "Uhhhhhhhh --"
In response to Reply # 27


          

We don't give a shyt if you had summmthin' archived the other day -- *chuckles* -- "WE" the people -- Wanna see "THIS" in the ARCHIVES too!


Look @ it this way:

* U said you were trying your hand at writing prose & stories

(((WE LIKE WHAT YOUR HAND DREW FOR US))) -- *smiles*

* For those of us who may wanna try our hand at this thang called PROSE -- We can always go back N2 the ARCHIVES and peep your examples

* Besides, you have more than TWO or THREE folks requesting this be archived -- So like the NIKE commercial sez: "JUST DO IT!" -- ;^)

A guitar string vibrating, a measure of my soul, a breech in the silence --
I've always felt like words come through me & I write them down... they have no master --- gsquared ♥

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/2/photosynthesis_music.htm

  

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Decstar
Member since Jan 22nd 2003
2278 posts
Wed Mar-17-04 10:05 AM

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28. ""
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

"There is nothing more poetic, but depressing than a male writer" -yours truly

  

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PG
Charter member
42568 posts
Mon Mar-22-04 07:28 AM

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29. "bumpin up!"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

^

  

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